they say the light rail is being built. you don’t remember voting for the light rail. no one remembers voting for the light rail. they say the light rail is amazing. they say the light rail will take over the city soon. they say we must sacrifice someone to keep the light rail god appeased. they will take you in the night. the light rail god must be appeased. we have already lost downtown.
you tell people you are from kansas city. ‘oh, you’re from kansas?’ they say. everyone says this. you wonder if you are wrong. perhaps missouri does not exist. ‘no, kansas city missouri’ you finally say. they look at you in puzzlement. everyone looks at you waiting for you to admit your gaffe. the whole world is confused. you open your mouth and cannot speak.
miley cyrus is coming to the sprint center. madonna is coming to the sprint center. march madness is at the sprint center. the sprint center is a giant silver salad bowl.
you drive as far north as you can. you are still in kansas city. you drive as far east as you can. you are still in kansas city. you drive as far south as you can. you are still in kansas city. you drive as far west as you can. you are now in kansas, but you are still in kansas city.
everyone knows someone who knows someone who works for cerner. nobody actually knows someone who works for cerner. when you ask your mother what cerner does, she begins to cry. you catch a glimpse of someone behind you with red eyes and fangs. you are afraid of cerner.
front street smells like dead dreams. everyone says it smells like sewage but you know the truth.
power and light is a great place to meet people they tell you. they tell you not to go alone. you do not know anyone to go with so you never meet people. no one does. the power and light district is a collective hallucination and a soundstage.
there is always road work. you do not remember a time when you were on a highway and did not pass orange cones. you have always had to factor in construction slow downs into your commute. your mother has always had to factor in construction slow downs into her commute. your grandmother has always had to factor in construction slow downs into her commute. your great -grandmother has always had
north of the river or south of the river. everyone uses this as a landmark. north of the river or south of the river. it is meaningless. kansas city extends into infinity on either side of the river.
no one knows what the american royal is anymore. we have forgotten our soul. we paste on rhinestones and sequins and forget we are a cow town. the american royal does not forget. the american royal never forgets. the ghosts of the stockyards will stampede through the city and posses those who have forgotten. perhaps this is why your boss is mooing at you.
you know kansas city is not the best city in the world, but it is better than st. louis. ‘st. louis,’ you sneer. ‘st. louis’ your coworker agrees, looking nauseous. ‘st. louis?’ your boss says. you look over her shoulder in horror. you have summoned st. louis. you must fight the demon back. one of you will probably not survive.
kemper arena is an amazing piece of architecture. kemper arena is empty. kemper arena is being torn down. kemper arena never existed. we will cover it with a white sheet and no one will be the wiser.
kansas city, kansas and kansas city, missouri are two different places. do not confuse us. do not ask what makes us different. we have forgotten this eldritch knowledge but cannot admit to our ignorance lest the beast in the river devour us.