Ian Wayne gets a miraculous (and also somewhat ruins the world. Probably.)
This may end up ridiculously long so...
-
Once upon a time, there was God. Here's the problem with God- they had the impulse control of Bart Allen on crack. Wait, what?
But Bart is also going through some canon events right now with a ridiculous amount of anons so like.... maybe not.
Point is- God isn't a very good decision maker.
Considering they're, y'know, writing this shit.
Blame the devil too, if you want. Caleb, you suck. sans Undertale kinnie aaaah-
Focus on the damned story if you're going to write this shit.
Haha! Yeah! Sorry Lan please don't kill us. Hey, do you ever think about how on discord L looks like an uppercase I and thus your name looks like Ian?
...
Write the damned story.
Understood!
So once upon a time, there was this guy called Ian Wayne. And I'm sure that in DC canon he's got a backstory and lore and all kinds of other things that, y'know, make him make sense.
But considering the author found out about like like, a week or two ago? Fuck that! His lore is that he's rich. Like, really fucking rich.
Like, Tony Stark + Gabriel Agreste + Bruce Wayne * infinity kinda rich.
So you get my point.
He's rich.
Why can't he be named Rich instead...?
...oh. Yeah. Sorry, Dick Grayson.
Anyway.
So one day God made a little oopsie, you see. Got a little too silly. And the Lynx miraculous fell out of the sky, hit Ian Wayne on the head, and knocked him into a different universe.
He still had his money, somehow. Because he's Ian Wayne, and he's 2rich4dat.
Ian, being rich enough to have multiple bodyguards and a force field or something like that protecting him, was understandably confused.
"Which one of you peasants," He snapped. "Was so incompetent that you would allow me to get hit?"
Luckily for the guards, they did not get hit into another dimension.
----
Back in Ian Wayne's original dimension, several armed guards started to freak out. I mean, if something flew out of the sky and whacked your boss on the head so hard he noclipped out of existence, you'd be pretty stressed too.
"Where the FUCK DID HE GO?" yelled a guard.
"IS HE FINALLY DEAD?" yelled another.
"YOU MORON WE'RE GOING TO GET FIRED-"
And get fired they did. WayneCorp's Firingthepoor(trademarked) flamethrower sprouted from the ground and turned all the guards into roast meat. Yum...yum...capitalism...
So unluckily for the guards, they all died. Yumyumcapitalism.
----
Back to the miraculous world of...Miraculous.
Ian Wayne did not receive a reply considering
a) his guards were all fired
b) they weren't in the same universe
c) honestly if any guard made it alongside him they would've booked it out of there by now.
"Richle, what in money's name is going on?" He snapped. Richle is like Google, but for rich people.
Richle did not reply, because Richle had no clue either.
"You! Peasant!" He yelled at the sky. "Explain this nonsense!"
God did not appreciate being referred too as a peasant and thus threw lightning at him.
"Shit."
"I'll pay your sad, miserable, pathetic student loans!" He called to the sky.
"Wait, really?" said God, who was kinda broke at the moment. "I mean, sure. Basically, according to the divine plan known as plot, you are now in a different universe! You'll learn to be a good person and finally stop being a litt-"
"You'll never get your student loans paid and you'll never even get a minimum wage job." Ian Wayne said very kindly.
God started crying.
They cried so hard the earth started to flood and some guy called Noah gathered up his animals on his boat and- what do you mean that didn't happen?
Well.
It started storming, at least.
Considering the lack of his own universe, Ian Wayne's personal umbrella carrier did not shield him from the rain.
"No!" he cried. "My ten million dollar hairstyle!"
Two background characters glanced at him, glanced at each other, and decided to keep walking.
They were holding hands. They were also both men.
"Queers?! In my vicinity?! Mods, get them!"
They did not, in fact, get them.
Chief prosecutor Miles Edgeworth and famed defence attorney Phoenix Wright resolved to never leave Japanifornia ever again for vacation.
Unless it was to Khura'in. Maybe.
Sick and tired of the universe not following his every whim, Ian Wayne finally decided to pick up the miraculous box and look inside, even if it hurt his expensive pride to touch something possibly made by poors.
The world sung joy. It sung of self-care and isolation, a mixture of leaving the world in order to find your truest self. It was the mighty Lynx, strong and solid and ready to look within itself for the answers it seeked.
To focus on the problems. To look at the issues individually. To not be distracted by the horrors of the world.
When there is nothing left in the world.
When it is nothing but you and yourself.
What do you see? What are you truly?
Pale browns with grey stripes. Brown eyes shine.
"Hello, chosen. My name is Lyyra, the kwami of isolation. Although one may perceive that to be a terrifying idea at first, isolation can-"
"An animal? How disgusting. Although I suppose a talking one may be alright for my collection."
"...wh...what?" Asked the very, very, rightfully concerned kwami.
"You. Go smite those queers for me." came the order.
You know that thing about kwamis and orders?
...yeah.
But before Ian Wayne could become the next universal terror to be set upon the world, there was a small, little, burst of magic.
Anarchy! Chaos! Going against the grain. Fighting back. From across the street, the wolverine miraculous holder glanced down at xier kwami.
"...uh, Claash? The hell are you doing?"
"Oh, y'know. Nothin'."
It was not, in fact, nothing.
If you know anything about miraculous, you would know that kwamis using their powers without their holders leads to bad, terrible, results.
So what happens when the kwami of rebellion and anarchy unleashes a little bit of magic...?
Elon Musk's microchips turned against their creator and started beating the shit out of him.
The elves at the North Pole started a worker's union and went on strike.
Damian Wayne's laptop refused to show anymore Superboy/reader fanfiction, and started pulling up laptop self-care magazines. Why do those exist? Why was Damian Wayne affected when this is the wrong universe?
The wolf miraculous holder broke free from the control placed upon them by the big bad of this universe and found their twin. He then slaughtered the evil organisation, thus destroying most of the plot.
I mean, who even wanted to see the actual lore for these characters?
Hahaha...
The author is not sobbing over the fact they have so much serious lore for these characters but ended up writing Ian Wayne fanfiction. That would be insane.
...
Slade Wilson's heart gave out and died. This is because it couldn't stand being part of a creep's body anymore.
Strands of connection fell from the spider holder-kwami amalgamation. For a moment, everything was clear. No- although it had lost itself, Claash's power had reawakened the love of how things were. How the web of the world deserved to be wild and free.
It was beautiful. It was awe-inspiring. They wandered out into the world and found peace.
Lyyra, of course, was not aware of that.
They felt burning passion in their not-quite veins.
The song of rising up and fighting back.
Claash's magic was a wonderful, familiar thing.
They look at the order.
The magic that bound them to a mortal's will.
Horrid.
Disgusting.
It was a thread around their metaphorical neck. A chain.
A wolverine's claw guides their own to cut through it.
They have always been a kwami of isolation.
But even a lynx desires company.
A helping hand.
The warmth of an old friend.
The order is a cruel, biting thing.
So they move to bite back.
"No." Lyyra breathes. It feels like freedom. "No. I will not."
-
...what?
This was unacceptable. He was Ian Wayne, moneydamnit! The richest person in all the world- all the universe(s?)!
If anything- the world should be bowing to his whims.
If anything, these peasants should be delighted to serve someone as wonderous as him.
"What do you mean no?" He hissed. "I'm Ian Wayne! I'm rich! I'm white! I'm 2rich4dat!"
"I have known you for a grand total of one minute. In my lifespan, that is an insignificant thing. Somehow, you have already proven yourself to be one of the most miserable, entitled children I have ever met. Have your parents taught you nothing?" Lyyra liked to believe itself a patient kwami. It was, after all, isolation. Self-reflection. Somehow, this new holder had tested its limits already.
"I got my mother assassinated because she was interacting with the poors."
"...with all due respect, what is wrong with you?" The due respect is none at all.
"There's nothing wrong with me. I'm perfect." Somehow, that was said with full confidence. Complete and utter confidence. Not a single lick of shame or self awareness.
"...Tikki help us all."
-
NEXT CHAPTER (wip. if people even want a second chapter.)
I'll let you know that I pay for my own college, also you aren't even really rich, you're just using your father's money. You're just a nepo baby after all.
I'm Ian Wayne, the richest person in the world. I'm humoring the filth by making this account so don't think for a second that I'm going to go above and beyond for you.
OOC: This is a gimmick blog, if you try to actively hate instead of having fun with this like I am then I'm just not going to respond to you.
No NSFW, creeping, hate speech of any kind, racisim, anti-LGBTQ+, pro life, trump, batcest, any incest, etc.
I'm Ian Wayne, the richest person in the world. I'm humoring the filth by making this account so don't think for a second that I'm going to go above and beyond for you.
OOC: This is a gimmick blog, if you try to actively hate instead of having fun with this like I am then I'm just not going to respond to you.
No NSFW, creeping, hate speech of any kind, racisim, anti-LGBTQ+, pro life, trump, batcest, any incest, etc.
I'm Ian Wayne, the richest person in the world. I'm humoring the filth by making this account so don't think for a second that I'm going to go above and beyond for you.
OOC: This is a gimmick blog, if you try to actively hate instead of having fun with this like I am then I'm just not going to respond to you.
No NSFW, creeping, hate speech of any kind, racisim, anti-LGBTQ+, pro life, trump, batcest, any incest, etc.
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