i was hit today with memories of how that first time hanging out alone with your crush feels. the way your stomach twists and doesn't relax for hours and your heart is beating unhealthily fast and you can feel the drop in your gut every time they come close or say something that can be somehow interpreted as revealing.
i've always thought about dan and phil's first time meeting as giddy and emotional, but - i bet it wasn't all that. think of phil's heart beating faster and faster after dan texted him that his train arrived because he knows he's gonna see dan in a few seconds, but then what? it's like, they know each other, but they don't. it's that anxious feeling when you can't wait for something to finally fucking happen but you're also terrified of it happening.
and then their eyes meet and it's like. they can't run towards each other, because they've never even met. and what do they do with their hands? and suddenly phil forgets how to hug and his arms are all awkward and he's sweaty and they both mumble something idiotic because their brains stopped working, and he keeps thinking about how lame that hug was, fuck.
and the moment phil opens his front door, when they climb to his room. jesus. that really quick paced small talk because they're so fucking awkward and they had such a good day but oh god they're here and that's phil's bed right there and it can fit them both and like, okay, they joked about this, but. oh my god, they actually kissed. the bed suddenly seems very large and dan drops on it and lies back just to make it less of an intimidating, looming object.
and they're all giggly. dan probably made fun of phil for so many things and talked so fast because that's his ice breaking mechanism, like, "fuck i can't believe you sleep beneath buffy and is that a photo of you from year nine what is that hair and like phil you don't even have a real computer i cannot believe you' and phil shoves his hands backwards in his jeans and giggles some more and says a bunch of stupid shit because. god. that's dan and are they gonna touch now and he's so nervous he's gonna vomit.
does phil sit on the bed and kisses dan? nah mate, he drops on it full bodily and they kick around and shriek and they already kissed but it's still terrifying to kiss again (you're stupid like that, aren't you, in that first time) and so their mouths don't touch until they do, and dan thinks he might choke on his heart, it's so high up his throat, and phil's hands are shaking against dan's hips, it's that kind of romcom bullshit.
they did not. sleep that night. not a goddamn second. they probably fooled around a little bit but they probably did a whole lot more of blushing and covering their faces with their hands and laughing too loudly from the withheld stress and talking in hushed voices with hammering heartbeats.
the sex part sneaked into it in the following days.
vaporwave
janainaart
andulkaphoto
izzy806
stormborns
titsay
