Would anyone care if I just stopped posting? In the year I've run this blog I've had a lot of fun making posts and co-modding with Stormy, but now I feel like its just not worth it any more.
I feel like the little sister of this fandom. The ones that people forget about, standing in the shadows of the greats like Fantasiawandering and hotmilkytea and other absolutely amazing people like them. I use to like being the little sister, I was always the youngest of the mods and I think I still am. I really do love being a part of this fandom, I really do, it's just that recently I feel unwanted.
Now I'm the little sister who's always picked on and bullied at school. In this last year I have been the victim of three bouts of anon hate. The first time it just absolutely crushed my soul, and I just didn't know how to handle it. But thankfully Fantasia helped me through it and made me see the world as a happy place again. Ever since then I have considered her as the big sister of our fandom. And then I got hate again, and again, and I... I just can't take that anymore. Every time there's a fight that breaks out, now matter what it's about, I get hate. Half the time I log on here I leave crying or wanting to cry. Its gotten to the point where now when I see the little one by my inbox, I'm scared, and I shouldn't have to be.
I want to make it clear that I am not asking someone to take over for me or for someone to co-mod with. I can't ask anyone to feel this pain. I can't ask anyone to take over and be told to kill themselves every time there's a shipping war. The submit box has been empty ever since the last actual little things post back in November, except when it has an anon in it telling me my posts are stupid or to go hang myself.
I feel so selfish. The only reason I took over this blog was because I didn't want to see it fade away. And now I'm too selfish to give it up. I wouldn't delete the blog, instead I would just stop posting, let it fade away like it should have a year ago.
Sometimes, like now, I feel like this blog was destined to fail. There's been three mods so far and all of us have quit. I am aware that there are followers, a lot actually, 1,055 to be exact. But I feel so alone. When I ask for submissions I'm lucky to get one. 200 notes average per post should seem like something really easy to achieve, but very few even make it there, some peak out at 80 or 90. I know it's not about the notes or the followers. It's about making people happy, and I can't even do that anymore.
Sorry for wasting your time if you read this and for cluttering up your dashes.
dededos
theartofmadeline
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
stormborns
origamiaround
ellievsbear