You are not as bad as your breakup was.
I swear you will be okay- you will be more than okay.
It is the worst thing when you lose yourself during a toxic relationship, but I can assure you it is going to be okay. We compromise who we are and how we feel for the sake of the relationship- for the sake of our special person. We tell ourselves it is necessary to keep certain things hidden so the other person is happy. We believe it is a sacrifice we must make to be be with them, right? Well, that is usually the point in time where we fall out of love with ourselves - we become detached from who we are.
When things like a bad relationship happen that is what we do, we hand over our entire self worth and significance, so the other person feels as if they are not the only ones sacrificing something. They sacrifice their sanity, and you sacrifice everything you stand for, makes sense right? WRONG. Constant arguing and crying is not true a “connection” and you are not arguing that much because you love each other either. The myth, “if we aren’t arguing do we even care?” is such a horrible scheme to make people think they have to communicate in a negative manner to show their love. We must be gentile, we must be delicate, we must comfort our lover- not attack, threaten, or degrade them. Time has taught me that a connection does not necessarily mean you are right for that person. When you feel as if this person has seen the good and the bad in you, you do not want them to leave. It is hard to imagine another person, a stranger, taking their place. You feel comfort arguing and crying with someone that understands the routine. Man, I wish someone told me how fucked up and wrong that was for both of us. Over the course of eight months, two break-ups and several girls on the side, I became the person I always told myself I would never be- I became the desperate, dependent girl who let a boy she claimed to have a “connection” with, take advantage of her and blame it all on her. I know how it feels to hand someone your sense of self, and before you know it they are in charge of your happiness, mood, and you depend on them to make you happy. But it is all out of love right? Wrong.
When you finally decide to let go, it is the most difficult thing you could ever do. You feel as if you are lost without them, lonely without their daily texts, afraid of the world- afraid of never finding someone else who will know you like they knew you. We ask ourselves, how do I live without this person? How do I smile without this person?
Please trust me you will be absolutely okay- please remember this. We hear it all the time from people around us and brush it off as if they do not know what we are going through, and in most cases they don’t. But if there is one thing to keep in mind, bad things happen to make us realize the good. There is so much love and happiness ahead of you. You have not even met half of the people you will meet in your life yet. You must let it go- let him go. Let go of the memories, and let go of the future plans you had for both of you. The hardest part of a breakup is letting go of the things you still wanted to do with him. To this day I still have trouble letting go of that amazing concert we saw together, and I still have trouble letting go of the plan I had to go to a reindeer farm with him. It is hard to think of the things you will not do with this person anymore, but you must let go so someone else, someone more special and deserving, can come into your life. Trust me it will not be easy, but it will be worth it. If it was meant to work, it would have. If you were meant to be together you would have worked it out. If love was truly as powerful as you claim it was, there would still be love between you both.
You won’t ever get all the answers you need. Don’t waste your time trying to understand why it all happened the way it did- why it happened to you.
You can spend the best years of your youth analyzing everything that happened and you still won’t have anymore clarity or closure. You will never understand why they did what they did to you. Why they did what they did to you is not important anymore.
Stop trying to fight the old, it’s a battle you will never, ever win because you’re wasting all of your energy on someone that didn’t value you as much as you did them.
Instead, focus all of your energy on finding your self-worth. I know this is easier said than done but you will be on the right track to loving yourself, and that is the most important thing you can do.
You can forgive, but don’t forget.
You cannot move forward with your life with one foot on the brakes. Sometimes we refuse to let go of the pain because it’s the only thing attaching us to the person that undervalued and undermined us.
I know that heartbreak feels like a stab to the heart, but in order to move on you need to move past you must forgive, but do not forget.
Try to understand that they haven’t done enough work on themselves to be enough for you.
Not vise versa. You cannot convince or inspire anyone to do the work, you are only responsible for yourself.
You may not realize it, but the pain you are feeling is shaping you. It is okay.
You cried, you laughed, you were alive, and you will feel that way again.
Once you realize they were holding you back, you now have the chance to be happier than you have ever been before and you can create the life that you want to live.
Stop holding onto regret. It is not your fault.
No matter how they made you feel, mistakes are an inevitable thing. That is, as long as you learn from them. Mistakes are a huge part of life. They teach you exactly what you want, and who you want to be.
Maybe you argued with them at inopportune times, but don’t forget that your anger was fueled by your passion for them.
You cared. You loved them. Don’t regret it.
Be a better you, for you.
You loved everything about them. All of their imperfections were absolutely perfect to you. You wanted more for them, you had opinions and big dreams for the future. You wanted the best for them.
You never let them get away with cheating themselves out of an amazing opportunity, or just life in general.
Learn to love all of your imperfections, and light a fire under your ass.
There is a more extraordinary love out there that you never would know if you hadn’t left your toxic relationship. But don’t forget, extraordinary has to start with you- fall back in love with yourself and let extraordinary find its way to you.
The girl that’s been there, and is still struggling.
izzy806
blakekathryn
vaporwave
tangentwithtanner
jacobvanloon
