he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@littlegreykat
And no one fucking cares how I feel. They really don’t. They don’t Fucking care about listening to me or what I’m going thru or how much I’m suffering. And I don’t blame them. I don’t fucking care about other people’s issues either. So if I know this to be a fact, that literally no one can care about my shit, what’s the point? What’s the fucking point of being alive?
Just told my doctor how good I’m doing too lol. I literally want to swallow every pill I have and drink the rest of the liquor in the house. And if I don’t die I’ll probably get corona and fucking die anyways
I’m so tired of this shit. It’s not fair that yelling and screaming and intimacy scare me. I want you to pay for what you Fucking did to me. But you never will. And the reality is I have the weight of the trauma. Which is why not don’t want to Fucking be alive anymore.
Everyone that ever put me in the positions I hate. Everyone that fucking did this shit to me. I want them to pay and it’s not Fucking fair that I have to carry the weight of the trauma those situations put me thru
Part of me, which isn’t a good part, still enjoys the revenge fantasy of harming myself and making those people feel bad. It never goes like that tho. But if I died I’d get what I want. I wouldn’t have to deal with my piece of shit life anymore and everyone would feel Fucking bad
Don’t ask me for anything. I don’t want to exist anymore. I know I’m letting you all down but I just don’t fucking care anymore. And what’s the point if I don’t fucking care? There is none
What’s the fucking point anyways? So I can sit at fucking home and go to a job o hate and I can’t see my friends? What’s the fucking point?
I can try and self sooth but I just don’t care anymore.
I just want it all to end. I want to never feel anything ever again. I don’t want to do any of this anymore.
I hate this country. I hate my life. I hate that I’ll be fucking alone forever. I hate everything I can’t even list everything I hate
I hope I get sick and die
Im fucking tired of being here. I’m tired of people. I’m tired of games. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’m tired of people taking what they can from me because I’m too stupid to say no. I’m tired of everything and I want to Fucking die. But I can’t Fucking do it myself.
Me, waiting by the phone for you to contact me after ignoring you because you haven’t initiated contact in all day and I’m convinced you hate me but I don’t want to contact you first because what if you do hate me
What if i killed myself today?
