WildflowersandWeeds

[littlewildflowerr]

Me, a thousand times over. #blackandwhite #honesty #letscommunicate #pisces

[littlewildflowerr]

[littlewildflowerr]

[littlewildflowerr]

Elliott Smith and late nights remind me of you...

[littlewildflowerr]

And if it's 4am and you're wide awake, you're either in love or lonely; and I don't know which is worse.

[littlewildflowerr]

Sometimes other write the words you cannot speak yourself.

[littlewildflowerr]

Rant

I had to rush my cat to the vet today. They're making me leave him there for two whole days, possibly longer. My cat is attached to my hip. He's my alarm clock in the morning, my sink inspector every time I turn any faucet on, my best friend. What the fuck am I supposed to do when he's not around?? Get better Poofycat. I want you to come home and feel better. I miss you.

[littlewildflowerr]

It's been days and you're still gone. Remnants of you on my skin is all I see. My mind wanders and I wish it would wander to anywhere but you. Anywhere but thoughts of the way your hand felt in mine. Anywhere but the memories of how you looked through my eyes and straight into my soul. Anywhere else. Anywhere but you. 

[littlewildflowerr]

I came back. Back to the place that I hated so much. Back to the place that holds so many unwelcome memories and emotions. Back to the place that I've been running from since I was 18 and "old enough." This place that suffocated and tortured me in so many ways. This place that I refused to call home; until now. Until this morning. This morning when I was awakened out of a dead sleep by my puppy. Outside, outside, outside of course that's what she wants. But I can't hide outside little one...she doesn't understand. Reluctantly I get up. It's cold and the wood floors are freezing on my bare feet. I don't care enough to fix my hair or change my clothes. Straight from bed to the door, let's go. She prances happily by my side, this little creature, only a few months old. She knows not of the worlds harshness, though she spent the first few weeks of her life in a shelter. Pure innocence. Wide eyed and free. Out the door, onto the porch, down the steps. She jumps around, grabbing leaves and sticks and whatever else moves. I sit on the bottom step, half asleep and slightly irritated. Nothing happened, but everything changed. I got up and laid down in the grass beside her. The early fall air was cold, but the sun, the sun, the sun. It warmed my soul, inside out. It wrapped me in it's arms and whispered, "walk this earth with bare feet and an open heart. there is nothing to fear. there is only love. i love you." And I loved it back in that moment. In that moment, this place was my home.

[littlewildflowerr]

They had killed themselves over our dying forests, over manatees maimed by propellers as they surfaced to drink from garden hoses; they had killed themselves at the sight of used tires stacked higher than the pyramids; they had killed themselves over the failure to find a love none of us could ever be. In the end, the tortures tearing the Lisbon girls pointed to a simple reasoned refusal to accept the world as it was handed down to them, so full of flaws.

[littlewildflowerr]

i opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn't.