Laid out cold, now we're both alone (part 1)
A/N: Hello, this fic is very important to me because I tried my best to give justice to such a cool idea and I hope I did a good job. Plus I don’t do multichapter ofter, so this was a challenge.
I wanna thank the lovely @livdonna for proofreading my work, you’re literally the best <3.
P.S. If you want to get tagged in the next chapters, let me know.
Summary: Nikki is dead but he can’t still cross the other side. He needs to solve some unfinished bussiness with his three band mates. What does he have to say to each of them?
Warnings: Major Character Death,Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug Use, Angst, Overdose.
Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee
That’s what it felt like when the needle slowly pushed through his skin, injecting his beloved heroin into his veins. Maybe for other people it was fucked to spend Christmas like this, shooting up somewhere he couldn’t even recognize, or even worse letting a stranger do it because he couldn’t even do it himself.
Yeah it was fucked up, but for him it was normal. Christmas had never been a happy time, he didn’t have a family to celebrate with, no one loved him, nobody cared.
There was someone who loved you.
Stupid fucking brain, he didn’t want to remember him now! He didn’t want to see Tommy’s hurt face when he disappointed him again and again, he didn’t want to watch the tears slowly dripping from his eyes… He hurt him so fucking bad, after everything Tommy did for him.
He was too fucked up for him and too cowardly to leave her. He chose her and Tommy knew it. He ignored him because he thought it was easy, but it just hurt more… He still fucking loved him so much.
Wasn’t it ironic that heroin literally destroyed the only good thing that happened to him, yet he was still injecting it? Fucking nut case.
When the last bit of hot liquid went into his veins, he pulled the needle out of his arm, ignoring the pain but enjoying the high immediately hitting him. It was different from all the other times… it felt stronger…
Good I don’t want to feel anything, just numb all my feelings.
All of a sudden, everything began to spin. There were people talking… He could hear something but he didn’t know what they were saying… It didn’t make sense. His ears felt stuffed up with cotton. His heart was racing, threatening to break his rib cage.
Before he could speak, he felt himself falling backwards as everything turned black.
Nikki? Fuck! He’s fucking blue, call an ambulance!
Was it… no, that was impossible. It couldn’t be him, they weren’t talking anymore…
Oh fucking great! His mind decided to torment him even during his high. So much for not thinking about him and there’s Tommy showing up! Why is he so fucking hard to forget?
Because you fucking love him.
“ You’re going to leave me Nikki…”
Now it wasn’t just his voice, he could see him right in front of him. His beautiful brown eyes… his soft curly hair… his red lips, so beautiful when they were curved in a smile…his arms full of tattoos; the ones he loved to trace every night.
“You’re leaving me Nikki…”
His expression was hurt and sad, just like when he told him those words, that night…God, he was terrified of losing Nikki but he didn’t get it, he was still there. T-bone was just worrying too much… They all did drugs… It was just a bit of smack…
He wanted to talk, tell him how much he missed him, but words weren’t coming out, so instead Tommy stroked his cheek… it was so fucking sweet and he didn’t deserve it at all. That triggered a series of memories flashing… their first kiss…their first time…all the nights spent cuddling … their laughs.
It felt so nice, so peaceful… Tommy’s smile was his favorite thing but he wasn’t smiling now.
The tears start falling from his eyes, and now all the times he hurt him come to the bassist’s mind…the fights…when he would forget dates because he was high… He almost shot his love, the screams and the insults…when he pushed him away, ruining everything.
“Fuck Tommy I’m so sorry, please I want a second chance… you deserve better but I fucking love you…I will always will… I was a fucking idiot… I love you forever…”
Tommy stood up, slowly walking away as the darkness surrounded him more and more… it was suffocating and freezing, like someone put him in a cold bath.
Pressure on his chest. Cold. Pain. Pain. Nothing.
Something was sucking all the life out of him.
“There’s nothing we can do, man… Time of death…”
Nothing felt right when he finally opened his eyes… Where the hell was he? He knew he was laying down but everything around him looked white and dusty… Wait, was it an ambulance? But why were people talking about time of death?
Okay he must be laying on a stretcher then. He turned his head slightly to the side and two paramedics were standing next to him.
Were they blind? Why couldn’t they see he was still here and alive? He didn’t like this. It was fucking spooking him out.
“Hey I’m here! I’m okay, you guys…” He tried to get up but it felt like a harsh tug, it spread through his whole body.
It’s a similar sensation to when you rip a band-aid off, but instead it’s something deeper that’s being yanked.
“What the fuck…”He was so confused, but soon he looked over the paramedics and the stretcher and slowly started to freak out.
Because laying there was a very much dead Nikki Sixx.
Fuck, fuck, fuck… no no it has to be a mistake! It’s probably all a dream, I’m still high and imagining shit… that would explain everything, right? Because it can’t be possible…. I’m literally seeing my corpse, so it must mean I’m alive!
Then why can’t the paramedics see me? Why am I still laying motionless?
He slowly got closer to himself, or what he supposed was his dead body, feeling his heart shrinking at each step… He’d never looked so fucking wasted away… For months on end people had told him and he looked into the mirror, but he guessed he never saw the truth until now; he was looking at it through an outsider’s eyes: He was basically transparent, with two syringes sticking out from his chest, the ribs sticking out of his skin.
No wonder people were worried about him, he looked dead even before all of this… and that’s when it hit him :he was fucking dead! The almighty Nikki Sixx was gone. He couldn’t come back, he couldn’t play or go on tour… He was just nothing now… just a body that will be buried.
That doesn’t explain why he was able to see all of that, wasn’t death just void? Was he a ghost? Was this his personal hell or was he still alive?
“No, you’re dead. However there’s a reason why you’re still here…”
The voice came from his head, scaring him shitless… if he wasn’t dead it probably would have given him a heart attack. He would lie if he didn’t admit that those words hurt him a bit, he knew so many times he wanted to die or didn’t care if he did, but he guessed they were right when they say that you’ll regret it when it’s too late… if a part of him was happy that he got the weight of his miserable life off, another couldn’t help but think about all the things he liked and now had lost.
“Who are you? Why the hell are you in my head? What’s going on?!” He probably sounded way more scared than he intended to. However, could he be blamed?
“ Think of me as your guide. You are stuck in a limbo now. Usually dead people “go to the other side” however if there is unfinished business they have to solve it.”
Oh great, even when he died he still had things to deal with! Honestly it made him a bit calmer, it was like he still got some time to “live” even if he was not living… However, what the fuck was this unfinished business that he had to take care of? There were so many people he had pissed off, he didn’t know where to start!
Oh you totally know one of them, you know the one who was so stupid to love you, only to be pushed away and left alone forever now…
Fuck Tommy… Did he hear the news? Did he know Nikki was gone? Was he okay? He needed to know, it was starting to drive him crazy, and all the possible scenarios were running through his head… what if he didn’t care at all? Or too much and did something stupid? Would he have drowned his sorrows in alcohol? Was he alone?
I’m so sorry baby, I managed to fuck up until the end…
“What unfinished business? Who are they?”
“Your band mates. All the times you thought about ending it, you always thought about talking with them, you have things to discuss I believe. They are called Mick, Vince and Tommy, right?”
Oh great, that thing could read his mind or at least his memory… it was right, he always knew he had to tell them stuff in the unfortunate event of his death… He just expected it to come way later than this moment. He always hoped that he wasn’t going to have to tell them or at least to leave a letter explaining.
“Yeah yeah, how is Tom- how are they?” He stopped himself from saying his name, even if it was pointless because he was dead and the mysterious voice wouldn’t care, but he still felt the guilt consuming him… He hurt him too much to act like a worried boyfriend.
You weren’t so worried when you kicked him out of the house, or when you chose the drugs over him… Great way to go, Sixx.
“You can see for yourself, I’m going to take you to them, one by one. Just tell me where we should start.”
Great question, where the fuck did he start? Well, he knew where he wanted to start but he couldn’t… If he went to Tommy, he would have broken down and he probably wouldn’t end up talking with Vince and Mick. Maybe a part of him wanted to punish himself by waiting, he hurt him so why should he have the right to be a selfish prick, but was he even that? He was fucking dead, he was allowed to choose who the fuck he wanted to see…
Two of the things he cared about and he knew he had to discuss : the future of the band and Tommy’s safety, and for these two he needed his guitarist and his singer. If he went to them first it would be easier to see Tommy, right?
He took a deep breath, his mind still bouncing between all the ideas but then he made his choice.
“Mick Mars. Let’s go to Mick Mars.”
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