In the worst period of the "suicide years". I feel sick and tired constantly. I have no money, no prospects and an uncertain future. I don't know if I dug myself into this hole or if im the result of the economy we live in. I'm a full time student, I live on my own, I have two jobs and barely have enough to live on. I say these are the suicide years because my coping mechanism is through escapism and generally this is the most dangerous path to take. Anything to help me forget how difficult things are and have been. Its been like this for 3 years now. I buy cheap, shitty, msg infested food (35 cents a pack for noodles), I drink when money allows and smoke rollies. These are the suicide years that if I survive I think I'll be alright. I'm more at risk health and mentally wise then people who are entering there 50s and 60s.And the sad thing it really comes down to money. Just a product of the low end of the social scale.
But, would I change the past three years? No. Its given me a prospective of poverty, the enjoyment of moments and people and the sense of the world we live in. I've met, helped and been helped by those who have less then me, and as a result have come into contact with people who have changed my life and influenced my thinking and thoughts. I wouldn't give that up for anything that was offered to me.
So where does that leave me? Well im not sure. I'm not unhappy, just struggling for survival. Wanting a change, but I know that change will have to come with me.
"travel light and stay lifted".
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