A Funeral for a Friend: Three years too late
I should have called when you didn’t show up. But I didn’t. I should have gone looking for you, but I didn’t. I should have and I didn’t. The last we spoke was after Thanksgiving before Christmas. We laughed so hard, we were in tears. Though you were in Texas and I was in New York, when you called, we picked up where we left off. You said, “That’s how you know it’s real.” I laughed. We reminisced and made promises we’d meet up.
You didn’t call. I didn’t pause. Life moved on. I didn’t know that the reason you didn’t call was because you died. And three years later, I just found out.
This hurts.
I can’t stop these tears. And I can’t change you’re gone. These days are a bit intense because, I never got to tell you how much your friendship meant to me. Through it all, you saw the beauty in me, I failed to see. When I thought no one saw me, you saw me. When I was ready to call it quits you pushed me harder.
Finding out you’re gone, broke my heart.
I didn’t get a call.
No one broke the news.
I didn’t cry at your wake.
I didn’t wear black at your funeral.
There were no flowers from me.
I didn’t say goodbye.
And it was the end of fruit salad and ice cream nights. Late night walks are now a memory. Remember when one of us couldn’t sleep? I use to text you “You up?” and without a reply or hesitation you’d be on your way so we could walk through UNCW campus or even drive down the shore to feel the cool water between our toes. And just when I felt like I wasn’t going to be ok... You were my shining star — a light of hope on those dark nights. You told me to never stop dreaming. Remember the little poems? You said I was going to be a famous writer. You were my first fan.
We were inseparable.
I thought we had time.
But there was no time.
You were supposed to help me get over my motorcycle fears. We were supposed to ride through the Port City to Myrtle Beach for the day. We were supposed to watch the sunrise like we use to when we broke nights on Wrightsville Beach.
Just one more drink for old time’s sake.
Because you promised that no matter where life took you, you’d always find a way to me. Because you said we’d alway be friends.
I miss you my friend. I’m sorry we never got to see the sunrise together.
I’ll miss you forever Armand Cornell. Rest in Peace July 16, 1981-Dec. 7, 2015
-Nadya Nataly