it's-a-me! @heyitsmelinguini - Tumblr Blog

Some day I’ll be followed by a spambot with my own first and last name that uses my picture and I’ll have to kill her in unarmed combat and honestly I’m looking forward to it haven’t felt alive in a while.

#bot shenanigans

kosmogrl

you have to build the life you so desperately want btw. no one will do it for you

hey-heigo

#purveyor of seals and garfield

innerchildabortionclinic

the hot chocolate enjoyer when you ask where all the milk is going so fast:

faraway-ant

i’ve seen this user post this photo as a sort of reaction image a couple times now and it makes me laugh every time. because this is the incredibly elusive marbled cat and they really do just have a tendency to look so pitiful, guilty, and empty in the head. so here’s some more photos of them looking like there’s just one marble bouncing around their skull:

goslinggf

"girl dinner" "boy kibble" can y'all just eat a meal gender neutrally

goslinggf

gender neutrients

selkiese

wawa

#swim thirstiness is real

wcvconsensus

in cow world, green onions are cigarettes

sufjansjoy

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

sufjansjoy

wow

sm2k99

the for you page thinks I'm a gnome

byjove

I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

byjove

I think he could do a really good “Hello officer, how are you?” if he had to.

byjove

YEAH EXACTLY

byjove

Athena is standing behind him whispering the bylaws into his ear.

emptyheadmybeloved

hold on i need to look this up

byjove

it’s been 15 minutes have you finished reading the Odyssey yet?

byjove

pronouncingitwang

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

yokowan

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

le-jardin-inculte

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

shithowdy

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

whitachi

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

araceil

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.