Sweetly Savage

a 50s submissive in a modern world

[thesadisticbear]

The Heirarchy of Dynamics

Wants, and needs. Wants, and needs, wants and needs. The two most important things in a dynamic is a partner that fulfills both of these. However, it has become all too common in recent times that a Submissive will be under the impression their wants and needs don’t matter. That their sole purpose is to please their Dominant.

This is such a damaging thought process. Everyone has basic needs, and they should always come before wants. You need to nurture yourself and your partner so that you can achieve your wants.

The assumed Heirarchy of BDSM often doesn’t get talked about past “The Dominant makes the rules”, but there is so much more to it. Both roles in a dynamic are equally important.

Let’s say you’re a Dominant. I don’t care if you’re a Daddy, Sadist, or the Dommiest of All Dom’s. You have a job. Your job is to protect and motivate your Submissive to do better, and be better. Which means you need to advise and care for your Submissive. Their needs come before your wants. This is a lot of work, and if you aren’t up to the challenge, walk away now. I don’t care if you call yourself Sir Awesome Von Dommipants… If you put your wants before someone’s needs, you’re a toxic human being.

Now let’s say you’re a Submissive. Let’s say Sir Dommipants wants to constantly use you for sexual acts and debauchery but nothing else. What is your motivation to stay? As a Submissive, your job is never to be a doormat. You deserve to be nurtured in return for your efforts to satisfy your Dominant’s needs… Oh look, a perfect segue.

Dominants also have needs that need to be fulfilled, and I’m not talking about the throbbing length of unjustified manliness between their legs. A Submissive should always take it upon themselves to remind a Dominant that they are not inhuman. They need reminders to take care of themselves, to relax, to slow down. Some even need a proper kick in the underpants to just get important things done.

And here we are, after lots of rhetoric, at the point of this blog. The heirarchy of Dynamics:

Dominants, put your your Submissives needs first. This is your thank you to them for serving you and allowing you to control them.

Submissives, don’t forget to remind your Dominant to take care of themselves. Talk to them, thank them, make sure they know how much you appreciate them.

Submissives, satisfy your Dominant. Consider it your way of thanking them for nurturing you.

Dominants, satisfy your Submissive, consider this your moment to watch your prize squirm with pleasure and delight, give them a reason to crave you.

[just-plain-knee-dy-deactivated2]

☝️

[delightfulsubg-deactivated20210]

@instructor144

1. Submissive needs

2. Dominant needs

3. Dominant wants

4. Submissive wants

Well written piece!

[submissive-seeking]

ORGASM CONTROL vs DENIAL

A recent spate of asks and not so friendly dialogue over at @instructor144 blog left me thinking about these two distinct items (distinct in my opinion).

I define Orgasm Control as part of a D/s agreement where the sub/bottom agrees to seek permission before an orgasm and if yes, to cum as directed by the Dominant/Top. I seperate control from denial at the “no,” specifically at the length of time. To simplify it, let’s break control into short term, and long term as Denial. There are many reasons to use edge and denial (short term) control regimes with a sub/bottom –too many to delve into here.

Before you give consent to either orgasm control or orgasm denial, DEFINE the length of time for your understanding.

The example given for denial was in the 45 day range. I’ll use that as a kind time frame reference.

Okay, so let’s talk Orgasm Denial. Some may be seeking the lack of sexual desire or pleasure. I assume that’s self explanatory. But, in my experience, most Denial involves edging, usually repeatedly. The edged state is the state the parties involved are seeking.

Okay folks, time to get nerdy. Both edged denial and orgasm involve lots of brain chemistry and hormones. Now some of us have more complicated chemistry and hormones like being trans, pregnant, menopausal, prostate treatments, or any numerous endocrine issues, which will require additional thought on the part of those involved – well beyond what scraps of info I have to offer up.

Some of us humans have brains that just work better when inundated with higher levels of some of these chemicals and hormones. So we manage that with all kinds of things – pain, pleasure, food, thrill seeking, exercise, etc. Some brains actually function more to its owner’s liking when living in a state of Edged Orgasm Denial in a D/s context. But make no mistake, that state is an altered one. It is different from their baseline. [ Before anyone loses their shit, neither the term altered nor different means “bad.” ]

In the end, Edged Orgasm Denial is a kind of self regulation, like maintenance spankings (pain). Both require responsible, knowledgeable Dominants/Tops and consent from the subs/bottoms

I have one caveat that I’ll put out here. There is a difference between consent and informed consent. In medicine, informed consent means all other options are presented as well as all the risks of the preferred one. So in this case, if you’re looking to try to self regulate through long term Edged Orgasm Denial, I will tell you if it were me, or someone I loved, I would seek out a kink aware professional to learn all of the other options and any personal risks of long term Edged Orgasm Denial.

There ARE inherent risks with long term Edged Orgasm Denial. Specifically, the rebound effect when orgasm, ruined or otherwise, occurs. Many self report serious depressive episodes. So D-types, SSC requires you are prepared to deal with all effects, side efects, and risks before, during and after edges and orgasms in this kind of denial.

Now we all know shit happens and goes wrong in D/s. Life happens, bodies change, whatever it may be, there is a way to deal with it within the dynamic.

S-types are responsible for communicating needs to their D-type. D-types are responsible for providing for those needs. So in the context of Edged Orgasm Denial, when “something” goes wrong during the edge/denial regime, first decide if a meta talk can attempt to solve the issue or if you NEED to safeword and cum. Edged Orgasm Denial is not some extra special D/s thing. Safeword rules apply! As in, the safeword is used, then everything stops (in this case edge and denial) and aftercare is instituted after immediate health and safety has been assessed. Later, at an appropriate time, debrief and plan a way forward eother with or without Edged Orgasm Denial.

I have deliberately chosen to only focus on the physiology and none of the emotional, reparionship, or D/s reasons, motivations, or consequences. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

As in everything I type out here, this is just my two cents on the topic. And you can take it for what it’s worth to you or leave it.

My only request is that you do not be so presumptuous as to assign negative motives or evil intent to me or my words if you find them deficient, clueless, or poorly chosen.

I can assure you, I am well aware of my privileged and blessed state of living. But publicly shaming me for my ignorance or hamhanded attemps at communicating does nothing to further my growth, equality, or the conversation.

[dominantlife]

Updated Library For Kinksters

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Topping from the bottom

[pretty-lil-mess]

Always a reblog because why???

Education is 🔑 Knowledge is 💪🏻

ʚїɞk

[livlovely40]

[livlovely40]

1. Do you get the reference here and 2. What's the next line?

[livlovely40]

I so love the 50s mentality. I love that the man was head of house. The woman his backbone and support. That he was assertive and dominant yet knew how to care for his woman. That she was just as strong but knew to yield to her man. It was a give and take time but definitely no mistaking the gender roles of the time.

[livlovely40]

So I suppose I should take a minute to introduce myself to this thing called Tumblr. I'm Liv. Simple right? Except there is more than meets the eye. Kind of like transformers. I have my dark side. My dark humor. My little secret. I live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7 and have been in it almost 6 years now. I am a submissive that identifies with the 50s era. Not just in dress, but in mentality. A woman that is subservient to her Master. Longs to please him. The exact opposite of brat.... Not that there is something wrong with brats... Many of my lifestyle friend are and it's fun to watch the exchange.. it's just not me. I have an extremely dark sense of humor. I have said and shared things that have made people say 'what is wrong with you?' and I enjoy and relish that side. The word Crazy can be used to describe me. I don't see it as offensive. And no one would suspect just how crazy I am in every day Life. I like to think that Harley Quinn is constantly lurking in the shadows of my brain. She's not only the devil on my shoulder but the angel as well. To be honest, I joined Tumblr as a way to grow myself. To learn from fellow lifestylers. A way to communicate with others that aren't local. But, being honest with myself, I feel that I may have a thing or two I can share that others may learn from. I've had good experiences in the lifestyle. I've had bad. Not just bad... But very bad. The kind you can't just walk away from. Instead you need to escape them. And I don't want fellow submissives to fall for what I did. Especially those newer to the lifestyle. I want to teach about red flags and warning signs. And hopefully in return, learn a thing or two as well. So that's me in a nutshell... Or a nuthouse.. haven't quite decided yet. Either way it's sure to be fun! Whips, spanks, and love, Liv