We Don't Take Time From Misery

🌊

[liz-cudi]

It’s morbid and raw but being in my dead friend’s home without her is a fucking mind melt. It has been beautiful and celebratory but I still feel so fucking guilty.

This will never feel real.

[liz-cudi]

I’m having my first public anxiety attack and I feel like I’m dying and I’m surrounded by drunk people and I really just hate this moment.

[liz-cudi]

I’m moving across the country because grief was too big a burden to bare so far away from my support system.

The last thing in my closet is a pile of your clothes I got after you passed. They still smell like you. They embody your personality perfectly; weed brands, cheetah print, snake print leggings— your favorite.

I had grown to hate this city because it took you away from me, but I know that is a selfish thought. This city gave us 8 months of memories we would have never had otherwise.

The months now creep by, each day drags on slower than the one before. My nights are so quiet but my head screams so loudly for you. I hope you know I will never stop remembering you.

[liz-cudi]

I hate being around people who never even knew you. Talking about you feels like screaming at a brick wall, every word bouncing back and slamming right into me again.

[liz-cudi]

I never thought I’d end up back to venting on tumblr lmaooo.

But I need somewhere to express my thoughts and grief and I’ve overwhelmed every human ear that was there to listen.

Death is a permanence I wasn’t ready to have to face my whole life, a loss so great and will be there until my final day. A problem with no real solution, just have to get better at distraction.

[liz-cudi]

I have been living in such a hell these past few months. However, I would never have made it this far if I didn’t have my partner. She is everything to me, she is my whole happiness. She is the only person on this planet that understands the pain I’ve been feeling and I am so lucky to have her. I wish I could take it all away for her and make all her cloudy days sunny.

Life has been extremely difficult lately. I’ve been best friends with my loneliness and struggling with my sanity.

[liz-cudi]

It’s so unfair that life has to keep going but I’ll never get to hear your laugh again. You haven’t even visited my dreams. I would do anything to see you again.

[liz-cudi]

Life keeps going on but how the fuck does the earth revolve without you here?

[liz-cudi]

I’m remember when I thought substances solved problems. I wish my issues were addiction.

[liz-cudi]

Everyone deals with grief differently but damn wanna grieve together ?

[liz-cudi]

Life feels like a rotten apple. I go to bite at a new chance but it only ends up being decay.

[liz-cudi]

I’ve run out of people willing to listen. I have stories to tell and memories to share. Your voice needs to be heard but the ears are all closed.

[liz-cudi]

Whoever said time heals all wounds didn’t understand that time isn’t real. Grief does not expire. It hardens deep down inside, only to be choked back up in spontaneous moments.

[liz-cudi]

I keep doing all of these things for you, to celebrate you, to be you, to bring your spirit alive. But all it has taught me is I am not you, I never will be you, and nobody else could ever be you. You are gone and it’s permanent and I am so fucking sad.

[liz-cudi]

I’ve always been one for melodramatics but today I am being so objective; today is the worst day I usher ever had to face emotionally. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

[liz-cudi]

Tomorrow I bury a best friend. With life comes death, but the universe cheated this time. This was never supposed to happen. We were never supposed to lose you this soon. I will mourn you forever.

[rcah]