𝗢𝗛𝗙𝗥? @lizardmilks - Tumblr Blog

oh my god I’m free

threw the ceremonial opening pitch for the yankees yesterday which was a big deal for annoying guys (me)

I took my kids to their first baseball game today and the whole time one continuously told me it’s “boring” and the other took a nap

on my very first date with sienna 4 years ago, i killed a fly using nothing but a white claw can and that’s how she knew i was the one

sweet.

what does everyone have on their camera roll? mine is mostly just unflattering photos of my wife, my kids being cute, and memes.

big fan of whoever thought it would be a good idea to build a hotel adjacent to the tram

heard a grown woman say “fusstrated” and i visibly cringed

I love to ragebait my wife on the daily

the internet is getting worse but at least you can google spider solitare and find a website that lets you play spider solitaire. never give up.

imagine getting the flu in march like a loser

shit’s so bad i was following blogs that haven’t posted in 6 months 💀

i lost some teeth to win the gold

holy shit

update: having a great time in milan

big fan of the fuck ass hats we’ve been given at the olympics

check yourself

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𝗢𝗛𝗙𝗥?