Its weird being back in the same place as last year. Coming home to the same lover, pursuing the same dream, back in the same routine. These last 8 months were definitley a whirlwind for me. I can honestly say I remember every bit of it but enjoyed all, even those nights and days I stayed up crying about you. The first month was shit. Plain fucking shit. I had never been so ugh in my life about a boy. I would come home completely wasted crying to anyone that would want to listen to me. Repeating over and over again about how much I loved you and questioning why you dont love me back. Sounds typical and yes we all go through it. But I never thought Id be the girl to go through it so verbally to my mom. Yes it was hard and yes I bounced back. I managed to get a new job right off the bat and stuck my head in books. I read more in those first two months than I ever have. Every day felt anxious. I felt like I had to do something amazing in order to feel confident again. I would go out and get drunk, come home, wake up with a massive hangover, go to class, survive that part then off to work a 6 hour shift and do it over again. I did that everyday for 8 months. I called myself superwoman for these parts because Im not sure how I managed to do so and still get offered a promotion along with passing all my classes with nothing less than a B. And I swear to you that anxious feeling never went away. Then in a blink of an eye youre back with me. In the same routine. Its like as if this is where I was suppose to be all along. Im not so jittery anymore. Im pretty much calm again. Waking up, taking my time throughout the day and Im not in a rush to do anything. Life is literally a breeze at this point. Im not sure which one I like better. The superwoman in me was amazing. I pushed myself beyond limits to get shit done and I did. This calm side of me is just living the life on cruise control. Im trying to find a balance between the both. Staying calm yet exerting 200% of myself in every task. If you asked me where Id be on this day 5 months ago Id beg to differ with where my life is now. I cant complain but somethings missing. Life is fucking tough at 25.
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