We sat at a tiny table in a café hidden in the immensity of the city. You ordered tea (as usual) I ordered coffee (a large one). It wasn't usual for us to meet for coffee, it wasn't usual to meet after everything we've been through either... all the time, the events, the people... I was nervous at first, I didn't know what the outcome of this would be. But I calmed down pretty fast after seeing you. "You haven't changed a bit" - I said, it was true, you greeted me with the same warm smile as you've always have and it kinda felt like coming back home after a long day at work, or rather like coming back home after months of living abroad, I would know the feeling. You held on to my arm as if you were never going to let go (again) from it and I dragged you through all these familiar places like it was the first time (our last first time). We walked and we talked, we talked and we walked all with the purpose of "catching up" (as we said we would) until we arrived at our destination and it was time to let go and sit down. It was the same old café we used to go to, we went there many times when things weren't alright and we were trying to figure out how to keep going on. I felt kinda the same, things weren't alright and I didn't know how to keep going on, I think you were thinking the same thing, after all, this was our healing ritual. The sun was still up when we sat down, but the minutes turned to hours, mugs were drained and refilled on an hourly basis, cigarettes were consumed one after the other and the smoke that came out was as unclear as our intentions right then and there. We kept talking, first about work, then family, then friends, cautiously gossiping, trying to find out more without asking, digging deeper and deeper into the other without knowing how far we would fall and what we would see down there, but curiosity is a poison we drink willingly and consciously in the hope that it won't kill us. Eventually, we found out how far the rabbit hole goes, and I knew exactly why we were here. I wasn't here for the coffee, I really like coffee, but keeping having one after the other with a mug that's constantly full, that's crazy and I could bet you weren't there for the tea either. In the end, we knew each other well enough to look past our lies, stare into each other's eyes and figure out everything that was going through the other's mind. Coffee was the first excuse, catching up was the second one. The café and the small talk were just accomplices in our little plan. But all of this was just the perfect cover for giving it one more shot, going back to our old healing ritual, figuring out how to go on and all that we really needed was to stare into each other's eyes one more time (one last time?).