Letters Never Sent: DAI @lns-dagedorks - Tumblr Blog

My dearest Renna,

I just crossed the Tevinter border. Well, I sneaked across the border is more accurate. More than ever I wish I no longer had my Vallaslin. I’ve been putting bandages on my face to hide them. Did you ever decide if you were going to have your Vallaslin redone or not? Don’t let them pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. Mythal can already control me so I don’t think that part really matters. It would be a ‘fuck you’ to Solas either way.

I wish you were here. Being away from you for so long feels wrong. I don’t think we’ve been separated for so long since we met. You truly are the best sister anyone could have wished for. Once I find my Father, for I do believe he might be alive, I will have to bring him to you so he can meet the reason why I survived until now.

Did I leave you too soon? Keeper and the rest wanted me gone and I think that made me leave before I should have. I can come back whenever you need me to, Renna. No one is as important to me as you are. I hope you know that.

Tevinter is very strange. But there isn’t blood flowing through the streets or lines of slaves in chains. Maybe I just haven’t gotten to that part yet. It didn’t occur to me until I got here that I have no idea what part of Tevinter Dorian lives in. Or how to send this letter to you when I’m trying to avoid everyone. When I get to Dorian I’ll send this to you. Until then, I’ll do my best to stay safe.

Love,

Anvindr

#anvindr #lost somewhere in Dorian’s house

My dearest Anvindr,

I am so glad to be home. Nothing has changed since you left except that I miss you terribly. But I understand you need to find out what happened to your father. When you get to Tivinter, say hello to Dorian for me. I’m so happy you have someone like him in your life.

Mother’s been trying to set me up with Geharen. Yes, the same Geharen who once tied you to a halla. Neither of us is pleased with it, don’t worry. I’m not ready for a relashionship yet anyway.

I got a letter from Mei the other day. I think they’re running into some problems. Did I do the right thing? Should I really have left the Inquisition? I wonder if part of the reason I left was because of Solas. I’m not sure I could fight him, even with both my arms. He’s trying to do something terrible and I’ll never be able to forgive him but,

#renna #unfinished

Ma vhenan,

It's been almost three years, yet not a day goes by where I do not think of you. Nothing here is going well at the moment, and I think the Inquisition will soon be forced to disband. No one is happy with us.

I don't know what I'll do once this is over. I hope Renna will return to our her clan and be with her family. I have no desire to return, nor do they want me back. Maybe I could finally find out what happened to my father, but that would lead me to Tivinter, and I don't think I could manage to be so close to you and not see you.

From your letters I assume you would welcome me, but maybe not in the way I would want. How does a single shem so far away twist my head and my heart so? You'd probably say that it's because you're the most handsome man to ever grace Thedas with your presence. And I'd roll my eyes, telling you to be serious, but pointedly not disagreeing.

Maker, do I miss you.

I think seeing you even as just a friend would be worth it.

Ar lath ma, vhenan,

Anvindr

#anvindr #in his drawer #the drawer is pretty full by now

Dear Dorian,

Mei can no longer write. I’ve been writing all of her conispondance for her, which you must have noticed because our handwriting is so different. I think the anchors are killing her and Renna. I have no idea what to do. At this point I'm afraid I'd stoop to blood magic to help them. Please tell me what to do.

We miss you,

Anvindr

#anvindr #in his drawer

Dear Yevana,

I am worried about Renna. I know she's written to you about what is going on but I fear she is not telling you everything. She hardly eats and does not get much sleep because of the pain the mark brings her. Mei (the other inquisitor) is also suffering such, so it must be the mark. I know you have a duty to the clan, but as Renna’s mother, I think you need to come see her. I think she might be dying.

Please,

Anvindr

#anvindr #tucked away in a book to hide from Renna

Dear Mother,

It has been so long since I have seen your face. Your letters might be the only thing that keeps me sane some days. I want to go home to you and curl up in your arms like I used to when I was young. I want to run home to you and leave all of this behind. I miss you and the rest of the clan so much. I hope you are well.

Ar lath ma,

Renna

#renna #stained with spilled ink

Dorian,

I constantly find myself torn between wishing you were here and wishing I was where you were.

#anvindr #in his drawer #unfinished

Dear Solas,

The flares of the mark are getting more frequent and more painful. Did you know this would happen? You would have told me, right? How did you know so much about it when no one else has any idea?

I wish you were here.

Renna

#renna #in her pocket

Apollo,

I think I am dying. I think the mark is killing me.

#meiwei #found on the floor by Cullen #unfinished

Dear Dorian,

I hate having to try and guess your feelings through just your words. It is easy to write things that you do not mean or leave things out that your tone or body language would have given away. I've never really had someone to write to before and I am unsure what the fact that you are writing to me at all means. I sincerely wish that I had the courage to ask just before you left what I meant to you, but you and I were both awkward about the whole thing and I know there was something more that you wanted to say? I should have stopped you and asked. Maybe one day I will have the courage to ask all these questions I have for you, but it feels wrong to ask them in a letter.

Love,

Anvindr

#anvindr #in his drawer

Dorian,

You keep addressing me as Amatus; did I misunderstand the meaning? what exactly am I to you?

#anvindr #in his drawer #unfinished

Dear Dorian,

Why must you get my hopes up, asking if I've received any proposals?

#anvindr #in his drawer #unfinished

My dearest friend,

I wish I could have gotten back to you sooner but Anvindr was away on an errand for Josie. Before you ask, no I don't know what the errand was, but I don't think it was anything important or he would've told me. But onto what you asked me. My first instinct was to roll my eyes and send you back “of course, you idiot” which given how you phrased it, I bet is what you expected back. But I was interrupted before I could reply and had a chance to mull it over. I decided you needed a proper answer, because maker knows I wouldn't be satisfied until I had one. So, as your dearest friend, I took it upon myself to obtain a solid answer for you. Now I could just write the answer, but honestly I want you to appreciate how I got it.

Since most of the inner circle left, Anvindr and I have grown a lot closer and we have taken to spending most afternoons in the library (but when is Anvindr not in the library?) when Renna takes her walks. Sometimes we go with her, but I think some alone time is good for all of us. I don't even remember all of what we talked about and I almost forgot what I had planned but eventually I started talking about you.

I've asked Renna if she thinks it's normal for him to be so reserved when he talks about you, and apparently she was surprised that he speaks about you so fondly. I laughed when she told me but then she reminded me that not everyone is like me and “goes all doe-eyed” when the person they care for is mentioned. Which is fair, I guess I just don't see the point in not showing your affection.

Anyway, I told him about what you wrote to me, etc. and told him how much I miss you (heaps and bounds). But, I laughed and admitted that he probably misses you more, it's not like I'm in love with you or anything. He blushed. Dorian, I might just steal him from you, he's adorable. He didn't say anything so I carefully followed up with: “you do still love him, right?” He blushed even more, Dorian. What it must be like to have white skin where your emotions become so obvious? My face would probably be permanently red whenever I'm with Cullen.

I hope you know that I'm interrupting my story on purpose just to frustrate you. It's punishment for even questioning Anvindr’s love for you. He does love you. After I asked, he turned to me and said: “Of course I do, Mei.” I thought I was going to cry. I wish I had a way to send you the look on his face because if I ever doubted his affection for you, maker’s breath, I won't ever again.

He also says he misses you always.

Yours,

Meiwei

P.S. If you dare even hint to him that I told you this I will march to Tevinter and electrocute you.

#meiwei #was actually sent but mei kept a carbon copy

Dorian,

Not much has changed since I last wrote. We meet with nobles constantly and Mei and, more often, Cullen keep getting proposal offers from the Orlesians. Mei just laughs them off but everyone can tell Cullen is not at all amused. None have proposed to Renna yet, her being an elf and all, and I think she is a bit jealous, which I do not understand. Should she not be glad? She is getting much better at diplomacy under Josie’s tutoring and I think she might actually enjoy dealing with politics.

Speaking of politics, in your letter you did not mention anything about how you are doing in Tevinter in that area. I worry constantly that you will be assassinated and I shall never hear from you again. I wish I could go to you and make sure you are not doing anything too recklessly but Renna needs me, and you don't really, do you?

#anvindr #in his drawer #unfinished

Dearest Solas,

I miss you in my dreams.

Love,

Renna

#renna #on her desk

Dear Dorian,

I know I did not answer your question about Renna, mostly because I myself did not know the answer. On the outside, she seems to be handling things well, but she no longer confides in me the way she used to. She has more nightmares than she did while the breach was still open. I worry for her constantly. Mei, at least, has Cullen to help her through this.

I have a theory about Solas that I long to discuss with you but I dare not write it here. But if I ever see that bastard again I am going to punch him in the face with a fireball. Not even fire could make worse, such a face as his. Maker's breath I want to rip his ears off, that high and mighty piece of shit.

#anvindr #balled up in a corner #unfinished

Dear Dorian,

What do you mean when you say you miss me? What about me do you miss?

#anvindr #in his drawer #unfinished

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