fallin' flower

B e t w e e n the time when the flowers bloom and scatter, scars heals and sprouts emerge. We live for this present moment, the first and the last. I'm a flower

[lnszhuis]

—  Sickness

Getting sick might be his worst nightmare.

There was just something about the feeling of his body not working properly. Of having something ultimately wrong with him and not being able to do anything about it. He would take his medicine, pray for Apollo, and wait for it to pass. That made him uneasy. Jaehwan was a problem solver, be the issue his or the islanders. There was no waiting around for the solution to fall in his lap, for things to just happen overnight. He makes them happen. But there was nothing more he could do in this situation.

More than anything... getting sick made him whiny.

There was no way around it. Doesn't matter how much it made him feel like a little kid, or how it felt ridiculous to suddenly feel the need to be taken care of, sickness equated to clinginess. That was simply not who he was. Jaehwan was a leader (not by choice), he was headstrong, he was the island protector, he was the human that told vampires to fuck off because they were being assholes. He was Apollo's favorite devotee (self-appointed and never confirmed). He embraced the supernatural. Jaehwan was, if he could say it himself, a fucking badass. Now he just felt like an infant.

Usually, he would just ride it out by himself. Asking for his parents was not an option, they would usually do more harm than good. Start to ask if he thought it was a curse, if he was not doing his rituals properly, or any other type of bullshit before considering that, sometimes, a cold is just a cold. None of his neighbors would be any type of help either. If Jaehwan got sick it was not about him, it was about them. About how he would not be capable of attending to their needs. He would usually just ask for some food, say he was doing a cleansing ritual, and disappear for a couple of days.  But now...  now things were different. Now Jaehwan had a boyfriend, a boyfriend that could not get sick, and that could very much come over to spoil him and be his personal pillow for the rest of the day -- he was also really cold, very useful for getting one's fever down.

Jaehwan disentangled a single arm from his blanket cocoon, enough to pat around until his hand came into contact with the hard surface of his phone. He barely had to wait for Hyuk to pick up the phone, but as soon as he did, a coughing fit stopped him from saying anything for a couple of seconds. " -- hyung..." his voice was croaky, so soft he doubted anyone else would be able to hear it over the phone. If he lost his voice too Jaehwan was pretty sure he would start to cry. " -- Are you busy? Can you come over?"

[lnszhuis]

sonumus​:

life instructions.

A good few pieces of furniture in her apartment had been assembled by her. Sookyung not only knew the process beginning to end now, but she was also able to do it within a reasonable time. She had her own tool kit box and a lot of patience achieved after too many frustration fits. It didn’t mean she enjoyed doing it, practice, however, led her to a place where when she had to do it, at least she would not be as lost as she’d once been.

That was one of the perks of living for centuries without consequences. It gave her time and boldness enough to master many skills she would have never thought of approaching back in her mundane life; many others that she would not even have known if she hadn’t lived for so long. However, whereas those attained abilities had been merely to fill a period of time she had no clue how long would last, more important ones were pursued to keep her spirit grounded, her mind sane. For all the years she’d lived and for the unwanted gift——or curse——of a seemingly ageless soul, Sookyung took it upon herself to live justly, to be good and kindhearted in a place where so much cruelty already prevailed. 

And that had taught her to be more gentle and understanding, more willing to help when help was needed, no matter how trivial or grave. Whatever it was within her reach, she would do it without hesitation.   

This included lending a helping hand to her poor lost neighbor. It was no sacrifice. Indeed, if she didn’t have to keep an eye on the puppies, she would have been there at her neighbor’s door, ready to offer a more manual help. But if it meant she could make someone else’s day easier or better, it was her pleasure to do so. As silly as it was, she took great satisfaction in such things.

Her unwavering smile when she heard the other’s voice translated that perfectly.

“ — Ah, we’ve all been there. ” She chuckled, approaching the wall a little bit more to listen. She wished she could see how the other room looked, she also wished she knew what was being assembled. Maybe, on another occasion, when she was able to leave the apartment without any worries, she could visit the neighbor and bring her a welcome strawberry cake, and then take a peek at the causer of this confusion. “ — Let me guess: IKEA? ”

After being offered help, Minkyung was expecting a knock on her door. But that part of her apartment continued in silence, her neighbor on the other side of the wall, apparently having decided between the barrier would be a much better way to communicate. Like it was some type of walkie-talkie. She wasn’t exactly complaining. People who had dogs tended to take the little beasts everywhere, and, most of all, Minkyung was just really bad at dealing with people. She hasn’t had to interact with an alive human since… well… since her.

There wasn’t one single day where Minkyung didn’t think of her. Usually, her memory wasn’t the best. She tented to forget the things she did, what could come in hand, as she was someone with many regrets. But there was one thing, one mistake, she could never leave behind. The centuries made sure she forgot her voice, the smell she only caught once, but she remembered everything else. She knew what her face looked like, could recite her entire life, every deed that was supposed to take her straight to the Fields of Asphodel. Knew her date of death, the one that Minkyung failed to show up to… Sookyung… She wondered where was her now. How angry she would be.

If anything, it taught her a lesson to not get attached to mortals again. Something she was planning to follow, even if she was a mortal herself now.

Still, it seemed impossible for anyone to be useful with that hellish thing without having visuals on it. She had. Minkyung could see every little piece, she had all the instructions, knew exactly what it should look like when assembled. Yet, she couldn’t even dream to understand where to start.

But Minkyung was not going to complain. As she saw this, it was a win-win situation. The dog would stay on the other side. She wouldn’t have to speak face-to-face with her neighbor – what would for sure lead to a disaster. She would (maybe) get a wardrobe in the end. There was still a lot that could go wrong, but she was used to that. “ – YES! ” Minkyung yelled, half excited, half surprised. At least the woman would know what she was doing. “ – I swear you people are obsessed with this. What even is the big deal? Why are they everywhere? No store should sell that many things? There is no way someone needs that many varieties, and they must have some kind of magic going on,  because i was tempted to get at least 3 different sets of plates, I live all by myself. Also, their food suck.” She stopped when she realized that she was rambling. Immortality can be lonely, and sometimes speaking a lot is the only way to fill the silence. She would need to learn to leave that particular habit behind. At least when she was speaking with another person “ – Anyway, I wanted a wardrobe. The guy at the store suggest me one, ” she took a quick look at the paper, “ – Stuvia Fritids… Or whatever the hell this is supposed to be called.”

[lnszhuis]

sonumus​:

— all that could go wrong.

Idol life sure was an adventurous ride. It gave Gwangjin the privilege of having tons of stories that served to gain him a few laughs; some were outright creepy, others sure caused a few sentiments that were completely opposite to amusement, but he tried not to hold on to those. These were the kind he held close to mind, these were the ones he stored in his memory to tell later to his members and, sometimes, turn them into stories to share with fans on television, a good dose of entertainment. Of course, he was careful not to give too many details, not to compromise anyone, but he sweetly liked to share. These people weirdly conquered a place in his heart. Maybe because encounters like these were always somewhat peculiar and a tad amusing. A step out of the boring things around him. 

But he got only more confused as he watched the boy further, his face reddening so quickly Gwangjin thought he would explode again with a new verbal attack. Instead, he kept quiet, taking a breath in to calm down and explain himself. Not that he actually needed, since Gwangjin wasn’t planning on arguing any more because of that movie in particular; he would’ve gladly handed it down to the other without asking for an explanation. He was only genuinely curious as to why would someone make such a tiring journey to Namwon, of all places, to rent this, of all movies. However, he noticed he was probably being a little too insensitive with such thoughts. It took him only the words important movie to realize he had no business judging this boy’s reasons to be here. 

“ — It’s no worry, really… ” Gwangjin tried to look a little less entertained, but it was hard when he kept hearing the boy’s previous words, his reaction that, despite being extreme, had been kind of cute. “ — You don’t even need to apologize. ” He dismissed with a subtle shake of his head, stretching out the movie in his direction, not a second thought about it. “ — Here, it’s yours. I was gonna watch it with a friend and probably make fun of it, ” he pointed, sure Hanjin would be eternally grateful for this intervention. “ — So it’s no big deal. You can have it, you’ll probably have more fun with it than we would. ” Gwangjin waved the movie at him, waiting for the boy to take it from his hand. And just because he couldn’t hold back his tongue, he caught himself doing a very Hanjin thing.  “ — Just… Are you gonna watch this with someone? Those are fun to watch accompanied. ”

Injun wanted to scream, but now for a whole different reason this time. Of course, Gwanjin, thoughtful and sweet Gwanjin, would just give the movie for a stranger that wanted it. Even when said stranger yelled at him. Weirdly, it made him feel a little proud. He choose the right person to admire. It was always a shot in the dark: to be someone’s fan, to adore someone you can’t really know. While Injun did knew a lot of idols, he even knew some clover members in passing because of Hanjin, Gwanjin was a big question mark. It doesn’t matter how many embarrassingly sappy tweets about how he was a great guy Injun wrote. Truth was, he didn’t know the real Gwanjin. Small things like that made him feel good. Even a little at ease.

Part of him thought about denying it. Gwanjin got the movie first, Injun was incredibly rude to him, he didn’t deserve to be treated with kindness and understanding. Gwanjin should take his movie and run in the opposite direction. But, then, he remembered his dad.  His laugh. How he would analyze the badly written characters. Injun had to do that. For him.

He carefully took the movie from Gwanjin’s hand, holding it against his chest like it was something precious, like the smallest movement could make it all crash to the ground. His grandmother was against him doing this. “ – You always look heartbroken when you go, aga… Someone so young shouldn’t have that bittersweet look in their eyes so soon.” She said while she watched him pack. Injun could only imagine how much worse it would be now, that he had the movie in his hands, that the memories were all coming to him at once.

Just as he did with his grandma, he offered a small smile at Gwanjin. It was barely there, but Injun would have to hope that it would be enough to soften his face a little. That he didn’t look as wrecked as part of him feels. “ – Thank you, ” Injun managed to say back,  fingers still curled against the movie as if he was afraid of something happening to it. He failed to acknowledge Gwanjin’s next remark. There was no way he would open the cans of worms of why exactly that movie would be anything but fun. But he was also curious. Gwanjin claimed he would watch it with a friend, that made Injun wonder if any of the clover boys were there. He knew they didn’t have any schedule in Namwon, and Hanjin would probably mention if he went to Injun’s hometown. It was not like he could ask. First, it was not really his place to do it or his business to know. Second, Gwanjin seemed to not realize what Injun’s claim of taking his picture meant, he would rather keep it that way. He was not about to make clear that he knew exactly who Gwanjin was. That he free time was dedicated to being Stardust. Injun was sure he scared the boy enough for the day. Instead, he chooses to focus on the last question, shaking his head no. “ – Nah… I came by myself, didn’t really kept in touch with a lot of friends from here. I was just gonna grab some snacks and then watch it by myself in my hotel room… What I realize now sounds way more pathetic when I say it aloud.”

[lnszhuis]

sonumus​:

family gathering.

There was a lack of intimacy within his own family that pushed him into liking the holidays more when they were spent somewhere away from home. He was almost as disappointed for not spending the holidays with the Kangs as Jihoon, probably. Or even more. And he regretted his poor persuasion skills, or else he could’ve talked Jihoon into agreeing they could make the day fun somehow back in the dorms. But since he wasn’t good in that particular department, and even worse in the department of denying things to Jihoon, he found himself making the call and asking if they could go home this year, since they had nowhere else to go. The joy in his mother’s voice sure made his heart a little softer, made him think maybe it wouldn’t be as bad. But it took him only a step inside the house to know it was merely distance playing mind tricks, making it seem like staying in Sangeun’s company was more bearable than it actually was. Still, they had no other options, and he had to deal with it the best he could.

At least he tried to convince himself it was only for a short period of time, and soon they would be back to normal life. Life without the prick. 

Yohan also tried not to complain too much about it. The last thing he wanted was to annoy Jihoon by bitching about being around his family, especially when he had been deprived of that opportunity this year. But it was damn hard to keep it to himself. When it wasn’t coming out from his mouth, it slipped through the connection. Yet, he was trying his best. 

To worsen the situation, however, Yohan found such simple tasks as picking gifts as the most difficult thing to do. He knew his mother’s likings, as well as Sunhee’s, but roaming around the place trying to pick something that would please them was something beyond his set of abilities. He was terrible at choosing gifts; buying someone something left that slight sense of pressure, the fear of disappointing, of making the wrong choice. Even if they didn’t show it to his face, there was a chance they hated the gift, but just to be polite, they would pretend. So the sweet snacks felt like the most sensible choice since no one could go wrong with food. Or at least he expected to be right. 

It was a crappy choice, he was aware, and maybe Jihoon would be kind enough to point out how terrible those were and lead him in the right direction to pick something better. Maybe then he would go back home with decent enough gifts to please everyone.

But when he heard his boyfriend’s voice back, he didn’t know well if he felt relieved or annoyed. It was a good thing he wouldn’t have to put in the effort to try and pick Sangeun something, at the same time, though, the idea of giving him a real good present and seeming like he cared ticked him off.  “ — I’m sure the two are perfect. ” He caught himself saying, his tone leaving no room to doubt he hated the idea of a perfect gift to whom it was intended. And there was a little bit more complaining and objecting to come when Jihoon went on and silence all of it. Yohan stopped for a while, eyeing the packages in his hand, then looking through the shelves like he was attempting to see Jihoon, even if just in his mind’s eye. That… was a perfect way to blackmail him into compliance, he had to admit. The promise behind those words was enough to dampen his annoyance and turn his mind somewhere else. For sure he didn’t give a shit what Sangeun would be getting now. He was way more interested in his own gift. 

“ — That’s pretty cheap of you… ” he playfully complained, a lopsided smile lifting his features. Just how easily convinced he was by Jihoon. “ — But yeah, we got a deal, you got me. ” He acquiesced, tapping the packages with his finger, mind still floating to Jihoon’s teasing words. “ — What did you get him, anyway? ”

It still felt a little weird to Jihoon, that he could be in better terms with Yohan’s family than Yohan himself -- well, at least with the part that mattered. He could understand the foundation of it, resentments were hard to let go, he knew it better than anyone, but it would be a lie for Jihoon to say that it didn’t bother him. The way Yohan was so obstinate in making his stepdad the bad guy. How he refused to see his mother’s side. How he would complain about the family that actually cared about him, but praise the guy who never even bothered to learn Jihoon’s name. It was really not that hard.

Still, he put up with it. Part because he gets it. He gets the holding on to something, to the little spark of hope that, no matter how fucked up your parent is, they still love and care about you. That they are, in their own way, trying their best. But, more than anything, he was just really damn happy. To someone who spent a big part of their lives not even imagining that they could have one family, somehow Jihoon now had three -- his, Yohan’s, their little group of friends.

He wasn’t sure how or when it happened, but he was intertwined with Yohan’s family like he was part of it. He hangout with his little sister, talked with his mom about cooking and got advice from her, he even had plans with his stepdad. Jihoon belonged there. Problems and complications aside, he had his place set. So, when Yohan confirmed they would be able to go over for the holiday, even if it meant dealing with all the complaining that would surely come, he was ecstatic.

Even small things, such as knowing exactly what to get them as gifts, made his chest a little warm.

Maybe Yohan would be grumpy about giving Sangeun an actual good gift, but that would not be enough to drown his excitement. Using sex to bargain wasn’t exactly the highest road to take either, but if it would keep the arguments to a minimum -- Jihoon had no hopes they could be avoided completely -- he would gladly lower himself to that level.

As a tiny punishment, he refused to continue answering Yohan, closing the connection for a couple of minutes. They really couldn’t do it in the beginning, not when they weren’t even sure about that was happening. What, or who, was the voice inside their head. Why they were connected. But, after they started living together, they kept pushing more and more to know how far it could go, how much they could learn about it, how much they could control. That included blocking each other out sometimes, although it wasn’t one Jihoon used that much. It was comforting, having Yohan around.

Bottle now in hand, it took him a while to find where Yohan was. He visited the place once, but Jihoon didn’t remember exactly where the candy aisle was. “ -- You should know by now that I don’t play fair,” Jihoon beamed, as soon as he found him. He took advantage of the emptiness of the store to sneak a quick kiss to Yohan’s neck. Arms going around his waist in a back hug, allowing the boy to finally see the makgeolli bottle that would make Sangeun’s gift. “ -- And bet he will let us drink too.”

[lnszhuis]

sonumus​:

It’s his time to let out a hum of content. Yohan takes his time to enjoy Jihoon’s touch running from his hair to his cheek and lips, returning to that soft spot that made him want to lean in on him and let sleep sink in again while he felt those fingers gently running through his messy hair. And he can’t help but snicker at the echoing and the teasing that followed. Another hum surfaced, this time in contemplation. “ — I mean, it worked on you. No doubt I’d be dropping pants left and right if I decided to use it for real. It’s kinda my charm. ” He offered in a boastful manner. As if. He was pretty sure Jihoon was one in a million, the only one who could really deal with him without ever getting tired of his stupidities. And those were many. Too many. And he used his already silly tone to shoot back at Jihoon. “ — Oh, me? ” Yohan smiled widely, allowing Jihoon to hide against his chest, the softness of his hair brushing again the thin fabric of his shirt, tickling and making that smile slowly blossom into a laugh. He then inched back again, rearranging himself so he could lower to Jihoon’s eye level, not too keen of this attempt of fleeing from a kiss. That was surely coming. He had just to wait for the right moment. “ — I think if anyone’s been ignoring any basic health code, it’s you. I mean, how come you’re getting sick? ” It was partially teasing, partially a serious question. He took his hand to Jihoon’s neck, placing his palm there to feel his temperature, and then it followed to his forehead. He was slightly warm, but he thought it was probably from being in bed still, under covers. And even if he was actually feverish, Yohan realized he wouldn’t know exactly how to tell. “ — You gotta be more careful. Do you want me to cook for you? ”

Jihoon would never stroke his ego by telling him this, but he did agree with Yohan. Sure, the boy couldn't flirt to same his life, but his face alone should be dropping pants left and right. It was hard to believe Yohan didn’t have a big list of exes before him, to wrap his head around the fact that maybe not everyone saw him the way Jihoon did. That someone could meet Yohan and not be ridiculously in love with him. Instead of voicing any of this, he settled in a smirk. Voice teasing when he answered. " -- Sure, babe. You talked inside my head when we were seven and then boom, 13 years later I was yours. You have great game." Jihoon knew exactly what Yohan was doing, but he made no movement to stop the boy from putting himself in the perfect position for a kiss. He could do it, just let Yohan have his victory. A small part of him reminding himself that Yohan would already feel some of it because of the connection, that by sharing a bed and sharing... pretty much everything else, was almost guaranteed that he would still get sick no matter what. But he was gonna have to put his foot down on this. The idea of a whining and sick Yohan, complaining about how it was all Jihoon's fault? That was more than enough of a warning against the temptation of kissing his boyfriend. " -- I don't know... Probably sneaked on me during midterms? I wasn't paying the most attention to anything else," Jihoon muttered, hoping that Yohan wouldn't catch on it. He hated to admit that he didn't take proper care of his health, because it would usually come back to kick his ass -- most likely in the form of a lecture from his sister or, worse, Kenta and Geunsoo. He took Yohan's hand from his forehead, if he was lucky fast enough for him not to noticed he was actually a little feverish, and linked their fingers. Hurrying to add, " -- I'm fine it will go away soon. I will rest today and tomorrow I only have two classes? So I can rest some more. I should be okay to go to work Friday" A part of him wanted to laugh, Yohan trying to cook something making a comic, and a little scary, imagine. But then he was left wondering if anyone -- besides maybe Sunhee -- ever got to see just how caring Yohan could be, and he had a feeling the answer would be no. In the end, his face settled in another disgustingly fond smile, and if he was being a little mushy so what? There was no one there besides them that would know. " -- Nah, is okay. We can just order take out and stay in bed. We could get samgyetang. Mom always says is a quick fix."

[lnszhuis]

— querencia

Familiarity. Comfort. Stability. This was the combo Injun needed when it felt like he was teetering on the edge of sanity. Stretched so thin he was about to snap in half.

Sunye-noona knew him well enough to realize he needed to stop. She was with Injun way before Orion, way before she was their CEO. She was the one that scouted him. Sunye, maybe only below the Orion members themselves, was the one who was more familiar with his pattern. She saw it happen way too many times. How he would push, and push, and push, until he couldn't do it anymore. Until he burned all the way out. And Sunye, unlike his members, had the power to make him stop. Slow down.

It was very rare for her to intervene, comebacks were supposed to be hard work and preparation, and Injun's process worked for him. When Orion was working on something new he would basically move to his studio. Spend days and nights making new songs, record voice after voice, guide after guide. By the time the album was done, he couldn't do much anymore. Way too exhausted to do anything else that didn't involve staying at his bed. Now he lost that option. He was officially an Orion member again. Producing the album was just the first step of a long process.

After he showed up for Orion's 1st-anniversary vlive, surprising the fans with the announcement he would resume his activities, the comeback preparations had to start.  Injun's life turned a 180. His days and nights become a blur of recording studios, practising rooms and packing. His ears starting to think all 9 voices sounded the same. His body trying to relearn something that used to be so natural to him, aching and screaming at Injun to please stop.  His house, once so inviting and warm, now filled to the brim with boxes -- both his and his grandmother's, as she was also moving to the apartment below Orion's dorms. Even so, he had no plans of stopping.

This is why, when Sunye-noona stopped their dance practice and said she would terminate their contract if they didn't take at least 2 days to rest, he was somewhat grateful.

There was no one better to spend his break with than his best friend, and, while a sleepover could sound childish, Injun wouldn't mind the comfort, especially when it was so hard to find a time where they both were free. His members were his family, but this was different. It was the first friend that Injun made in the industry, the one who was with him every step on the way. Saw when he was so high it felt like he was flying, and when he was so low it was like he was drowning. He would be able to be just himself for a little bit. Not 'Orion's Injun', not a producer, not an idol, not 'the first time a member went back to his group'. For a while, Injun would be able to take the weight of the world out of his shoulders, not feel like one little misstep would make it all crash on top of him. He could be Injun, nothing else, nothing more.

The doorbell was lightness as a sound. His mouth breaking into a smile while he opened the door. "  -- Hanjin-ah! What took you so long?"

@rashcmons​

[lnszhuis]

muses tag dump!