A/N: Been on a Shawn Hatosy bender! Enjoy ladies! Haven't posted in three years, let's go!
Synopsis: falling in love with Jack was easy, there were so many reasons why you did. he doesn't seem to want that.
Genre: angst and fluff
Warnings: Age gap (15+ years)
Pairing: jack abbot x f!reader, joel miller x reader (Mueheh)
Word count: 3.5k
When you started working at the Pitt as a nurse, you never could have quite imagined having the conversation you are now.
Jack Abbot, who has been one of the most fascinating doctors you have ever worked with. You were enamored with his dedication to patients; you would see it when he came in for his shift at 8 pm. Once Robby completed the handoff, Jack would take on the responsibility of these people’s lives, not just because it’s his job, but because he wants to. He wants to see people go home to their families and continue their lives before it dragged them to his ER.
And maybe that’s part of the reason you fell in love with him.
It is the reason.
Because he also cared for and took care of his staff, they were also his responsibility. His team.
Every “thank you” from him, every “great work” increased your respect and admiration tenfold. He was cocky with other physicians, but never with his nurses. Never with you.
He would casually stroll in and drop your coffee on your desk just the way you like it. “It was on the way.” Even though it was absolutely not.
In return, you would leave little notes on granola or protein bars on his desk. Don’t wither away on me :).
You always knew exactly what he needed, even if he hadn’t said it out loud yet.
If he was working on a motor vehicle patient, you had a bag of O-negative at the ready. If he needed to draw labs on a patient’s son, even though he seemed to be perfectly fine, you were there asking which tubes he needed.
You had a flow, and so it was no surprise to anyone when he finally asked you out.
You were at the nurses' station, logging the IV you just finished setting up on a dehydrated pregnant woman, when he walked up. “Almost closing time?”
When you looked up, he was serious, but you saw him tapping his fingers on the counter, waiting for your reply. You smiled at the man and hummed. “Why? You want to take me out?” You huffed out a laugh.
He looked up from his hands. “Yes.”
“Okay.” You said softly, folding your lips to prevent the huge grin from spilling across your face.
“Alright.” He laughed.
But you knew Jack had his own past, his own ghosts that lingered if the wedding ring he continues to wear was any indication of it. That never bothered you. It never made you feel little because he never did. You would sit on the couch doing the Sudoku or talk about where you both wanted to vacation together.
He never did talk about his wife, but you figured he would when he was ready. When he felt like he could have that conversation with you. Laughing with him about what Santos said in the group chat would be enough for now.
Until you went to his house after a shift, and he began to make breakfast for the two of you. That shift was especially difficult as the patient was hit by a drunk driver, and Jack had to deliver the news to her husband, who crumbled into him. And Jack already cared about his patients, but this hit too close. Too close to something he was avoiding, and when the husband was taken by his family, Jack avoided everyone as much as he could. He only spoke when he had to and went back to his desk when he had some time. No joking with you, no bothering Shen, or arguing with Walsh. He simply did his job.
He kissed your forehead, entered the house, and went to cook breakfast. You changed into your pajamas, but you worried. He felt different in that short interaction. His kiss felt cold, nothing like what you were used to.
Walking out of the bedroom and to the kitchen, his back was to you, scrambling the eggs with some sort of ingredient to make them creamy. You hugged him from behind and kissed his shoulder. “Almost done.” He mumbled.
Looking back, you start to think that you read this situation entirely wrong. You thought that he was being loving, that he was showing you that he loved you in all his little acts. Trying to find your eyes at work to make sure you were ok. Nodding and truly listening when you listed off things you noticed about the patient while he was in another trauma room. Keeping your favorite sodas at his house because while he doesn’t drink them, you love one with your meal.
And now. He made you breakfast after experiencing a grief he thought was slowly getting easier to handle all over again. You squeezed him once and a whispered, “I love you.” Fell from your lips.
What you thought would be endearing, relaxing him even, only made him tense. Every alarm was going in your head every second he stayed silent. Not even a nod. “Let me plate this.” He started to move to grab a plate out of the cupboard. “Sit, please.” So you did, he served your breakfasts, and you ate across from each other silently.
But you weren’t hungry anymore and just pushed your food around. “Jack.” You whispered. His eyes flitted up to see yours, pleading with him to say something. To say anything. Because it felt like you laid out all of your cards, and he had yet to show his hand.
He breathed out and leaned forward. “I thought… I thought I was doing well. And, I care about you.” Your knee bounced under the table as you gnawed on the inside of your mouth, watching him look at you as if he had decided something. Something that makes him feel bad for you. “But I can’t love you, sweetie.” And your heart fell into your stomach. “I don’t think I can. And I don’t think I want to.”
It had been six years since his wife passed away, and you knew he would always love her, but you never thought that he wouldn’t be able to love you either. Or rather that he did not want to. “Okay.” You blinked rapidly to try to stop the inevitable. To try to pretend that it didn’t absolutely break your heart. That you had been in love with him long before you ever went out, only for him not to feel the same.
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” He doesn’t offer any pity on his face; he just looks miserable, but you can barely see him through the water building up in your eyes.
You grab his hand and stare at it. “It’s okay, Jack. I understand. I’ll… I’m going to head back.” You didn’t really understand. You hated everything about this, and at your comment, he frowned.
“Sweetie, it’s not your-“
“I’m just going to grab my things.” You stood up abruptly, letting go of his hand and rushing to his room, which now felt entirely wrong for you to be in. You gathered everything as quickly as you could before everything that happened started to take its toll on you. You went back out to the living room to see him standing there with his hands tucked in his pockets.
He looked as if it was hurting him to watch you leave, but you couldn’t think that. Because if that was true, then why were you leaving in the first place? He went to kiss your forehead. “I’m s-“
You shake your head, tears falling slowly and quietly. “Please don’t apologize. I think that makes it worse.” You laugh a little to try to make it seem lighter, but it comes out more like a sob, and you cover your mouth quickly. “I’m going home. Sorry. See you.” You rush out and make the walk to your apartment. It was a 20-minute walk, and on a normal day, you would be embarrassed to be seen out in public crying, but everything hurt so bad you couldn’t begin to care.
Walking into your apartment, you immediately got into bed and let out sobs you’d been holding in for the past half hour.
You checked your phone to see if Mel was wondering where you were and realized that was a mistake.
Jack: Did you make it home okay?
Jack: I’m sorry, just let me know you made it back.
Mel: Hi!!! Just got to work. See you at trade-off!
Fuck. You didn’t want to be dramatic. Really. But the thought of having to work with Jack as if everything was as it was, hurt. You would rather eat glass. Of course, you didn’t hate Jack, not at all, but you felt like you would be dragging everyone down, especially Jack.
So you decided. Just as he did, quickly and with misery written all over your face. Ring Ring Ring.
“Hey sweetie, everything okay?”
You nod into the phone. “Hi Robby.” You croak.
“What’s going on?”
“Would it be ok if- and I don’t want to be a bother and if it’s not possible its okay, I understand, so-“
“Sweetie.” Robby is stern, but never mean. Never evil.
Right. “Could I switch to day shifts?”
He sighs into the phone and you can’t see as he runs a hand down his face. The only person that knew Jack Abbot the best from the Pitt. I knew it. He mumbled.
“What?”
“It’s okay. If that’s what you want. I’ll see you tomorrow morning unless you wanna come in for a double?”
“I’m already putting my scrubs on.”
He chuckles and says to get there safely. You make it in 15 minutes.
Mel spots you immediately as you walk in. “Hey!” Smile bright, and her hands fidget at her sides, wanting to hug you but not invade your space. You close the gap for her. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ll fill you in later, ok?” Your eyes are a little puffy, but the makeup does well to hide the rest. She nods, letting go of you, and Langdon walks up. “Did your kid like my crochet of Bluey?”
He nodded. “Yes, chef.” The two of you bonded over watching the Bear. “Let’s get to work?” You nod, happy for the distraction.
You work well with all the doctors, but you’d spent the most time with Robby and had a flow similar to you and Jack, but with Robby, everything just came a little easier. You winked as you brought him the EKG he was about to ask for. “Careful, or I’ll think you’re in love with me.”
It has always been this way. You and Robby always shared banter this way, but you felt too raw in the moment to say something quippy and just let out a breathy laugh, pretending as if you didn’t just remember the reason you were here this shift. Robby notices, it’s almost his job to, but just lets you get back to work.
As it neared time for trade-off, Ingrid arrived early and let you leave with Mel. When you got to the apartment, you broke down all over again to explain it to her.
On the other side, Jack showed up and greeted Robby before heading to his computer. He kept trying to pretend that he was doing something, but waited to catch you walking in. He wanted to give you the coffee he bought, out of habit, and truly out of love. Even if he didn’t think it was.
It was already 8:10, and while you had the tendency to be a few minutes late, it was never more than this. It’s 8:15 when Robby walks through the floor, backpack in hand, straight to Jack. Jack does his best to pay attention and not show that he’s waiting for you to walk through. “Ingrid will be on night shift from now on.”
His head snapped in his direction. “Why?”
Robby closed his eyes briefly. “I don’t know. Do you want to tell me why?”
There wasn’t much to say to that.
He patted Jack’s shoulder as he passed him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
His shift wasn’t any different from any other time, except for the fact that it was entirely different. You weren’t there looking and waiting for his direction. There were no notes from you throughout the night. Nothing. He could only pass by your desk and see the little stickies you’ve left for yourself. Check messages. Open mail.
The day dragged without you, but he decided that he would leave you alone. You didn’t deserve the whiplash he would give you.
The weeks passed on like that.
You slowly started to feel more yourself, more open and available to love everyone as freely as you had before, without feeling bare. You did your best to avoid Jack at all costs, which was working. Until it didn’t.
Until you went out with Mel, Santos, and Whittaker to a bar. You stayed engaged and made jokes even if your mind flitted to him every time you weren’t talking. Whittaker and Santos attempted to karaoke a Frozen song when you went back to the bar to grab a drink.
“You know they’re pretty good.” You turned to see the handsome man who stood next to you.
“Right.” You snickered. “You don’t have to lie to strike up a conversation.” A small grin made its way across his face.
He nodded and ducked his head to you. “Joel.”
You introduced yourself, and the conversation with Joel flowed easily. Well after your friends finished singing, you continued to talk. You knew he was a contractor and recently started a business with his brother. Somewhere along the way, when you were explaining how you had to actively do chest compressions as they wheeled you into the trauma bay, you felt it. His stare on you.
When you turned to look, he gripped his beer tight. No clear emotion on his face, but you knew him. He seemed upset, and that only made you upset. He took your matched gaze as a sign to move towards you, Robby trying to plead with him as he got up. You turn to Joel, apologetic.
“Sorry, one second.” You jump from the stool and head towards him, grabbing his hand and leading him outside in between the buildings. “What?”
“Who is that?”
“Does it matter?”
“Why would I ask if it didn’t?”
“Because it shouldn’t matter! Least of all to you.”
“Least?”
You laugh. “Yes, Jack, least of all to you.”
The two of you stood silently, and he just kept staring at you. “Why did you switch shifts?”
Your tongue clicked at his audacity. “Don’t ask stupid questions.” You shake your head.
“I wouldn’t have treated you differently.”
“That’s the problem.” He cocks his head in question. “There- I-“ You sigh, trying to put your thoughts into words. “How was I supposed to get over you if I see you every day, all the time, and so close too. I switched for myself, because I love you and I needed to stop.” He continued to stare. “What?” You asked with more venom.
He didn’t give away anything on his face; he just continued to stare as if you said the wrong thing. “Is that what you do? You run away?”
Your back straightened, and you stared hard. “You know, I tried to be considerate of you when you told me that you couldn’t love me. That you would only love your wife, but how am I supposed to do that when you stand here and tell me I am running away from you.” Your eyes start to water, and it feels like all of your efforts these past few weeks have been wasted. “I love you, Jack. I love you so much, and when everything happened, it killed me. I’m not standing here pretending to know what you have gone through. But just because you tell the truth doesn’t make it hurt any less. So I’m upset you won’t or can’t love me, whatever. But I’m also upset because you feel as if I owe you. I don’t owe you anything. I laid out everything for you, and you decided you didn’t want it. Okay.” You put your hands up. “But don’t stand here and act as if you have a right to feel upset about a man talking to me and flirting with me. You don’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
At his words, your head rolls back, and you look up, laughing with little humor in it. “I’m really getting fucking tired of hearing that from you. Stop saying it. I don’t want to hear it.”
And when you start to walk away, you hear him speak. It’s so quiet you almost miss it. “I do love you.” You stop in your tracks, turning around. Waiting for him to continue. “I have always loved you, maybe longer than you think.”
You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He takes the fact that you haven’t run back in as a sign to step forward. Slowly. Carefully.
“My therapist says that I said that because I feel guilty. Because I do. I feel guilty for loving you, for wanting you. For wanting everything that she and I were supposed to have and more.” Your breathing increases, eyes still watering as he steps closer. “But he also said I was only hurting myself by carrying that guilt and denying myself a chance to be happy again. And I was so happy with you.” He whispers, now within arm's length.
His hands come out of his pockets, and he grabs one of yours, squeezing it tight. You say nothing. You want him to continue.
His thumb brushes your knuckles softly in comparison to his grip. “I love you. Because you’re amazing with patients. You sit with them, and you hold their hands when they have no one else to turn to. Because you always put yourself in their shoes and never hold any judgment. Because you’ve made my life worth something since walking into it.”
Your unoccupied hand brushes his hair back. “You’ve always been worth it, Jack.” He kisses your hand, not letting his gaze leave yours. “If you ever thought differently, it’s simply not true.”
He takes in a slow and shaky breath before continuing. “I know you said you don’t want to hear it, but you still deserve it.” One hand moves to cradle your face, the other on your hip. “I am so sorry. For lying, and for being too scared to take that leap with you. As if not saying the words out loud made any difference, as if it could make it hurt less when I made you leave.” You melted in his hands, weak like your mother would say. In love, like only you know. “Come home, please.”
Quickly, your eyes flitted to meet his. His soft, tired eyes. “I don't want half of you, Jack.” You stated firmly. “I want everything.”
He nods, slow, but no less enthusiastic. “I want to give that to you. It… won’t always be easy-”
“You? Easy?” You smirk.
He rolls his eyes. “Okay. Unnecessary. Brat.”
“What was that?”
He shakes his head. “I’m trying to be serious, woman.” You mock surrender and he goes on. “But I want to, and I will work for it, for us, everyday.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
He smiles at you, kissing your forehead and holding you close, trying to make up for the last weeks. “You also have to tell Robby to switch you back.”
You make a pained face that he can’t see. “I’m not sure Jack. I literally just asked him to sw-”
“Then I’ll ask him.” He shrugged as if it was simple.
“Absolutely not!” You pulled back to face his confused gaze.
“What’s the issue?”
“It’s the principal!”
“I’ll tell him right-”
You hold his shoulders to keep him in place. “No. Jack- I-”
“No need.” Robby’s voice cuts through. “Ingrid only needed temp work on nights. I was going to switch her back soon anyway.” He smiles shyly. “Figured Abbot only needed a month to get his head on straight.” That earned a laugh from you and an unamused stare from Jack.
The jab didn’t even matter, because when he looked down at you, smiling and laughing, he could only think of how lucky he was. How he will do anything to keep you like this. Because he loves you.
A/N: Long time no see :D Bee is just a nickname for the reader. character has no name and is still reader insert.
Synopsis: after a tense split between you and Joel, he finds you again, but do you want to see him anymore?
Genre: angst and fluff
Warnings: Age gap (15+ years)
Pairing: joel miller x f!reader, OC!Emory x reader
Main Masterlist
You found Joel and Ellie at Frank and Bill’s house. A couple years after Joel met them, they found you. You were a teenager, and your brother had turned into a runner.
Frank took pity on you, and asked Bill to take you in with them. He relented of course, but what choice did he really have. If Frank asked for something, Bill rarely ever denied him.
What was supposed to be temporary turned long term. You stayed with them and they were the only family you had. They talked a whole lot about Tess and Joel, although you could see Bill’s dislike for the guy.
You finally met him, and a younger girl. The first thing you noticed was how handsome he was despite the permanent scowl on his face. The second thing you noticed was the gun he held up to your face.
“What are you doin here?” He ushered the girl behind him and she listened dutifully.
You squinted your eyes at him, seeing the connections from his features to the descriptions of Bill and Frank. “Joel? Joel Miller?”
“What the hell.” He muttered under his breath.
He lowers the gun slightly, but not by much. “Bill-” You swallow thickly. “He left a letter for you and... Tess, but she’s not- sorry, let me get it.”
Joel keeps his gun up as he follows you, Ellie not far behind. He notices the picture of the three of you together, and he wonders how Bill was able to find a camera.
“Here.” You hold out a piece of paper with his name scribbled on it. He doesn’t take it, but the girl behind him takes it much to his dismay and reads it.
You mess with your hands trying your best to not remember your own letter that he had left for you. Sadness displayed on every corner of your face as Ellie finished reading the letter.
Joel’s face remained the same, although his gun was fully lowered now. He took the letter that explained who you were as well as everything else. It was most certainly his handwriting and his voice in those words. “He said you would come one day. I guess it’s nice to meet you finally.”
He just grunts at your hospitality. Ellie rolls her eyes and sticks out her hand. “I’m Ellie.” She sticks out her hand and right as you are about to take it you see the mark.
“Shit.” You bite out, quickly grabbing your gun and point it at her. Joel moves quickly in front of her and his gun is on you again. “She’s infected Joel.”
“She’s not.” He grunts out.
Ellie holds her hands out in front of you. “I promise, I’m immune, I’ve had this for over three weeks. We’re trying to get a cure from it please. I promise.”
Your brother’s eyes flash back into your memory, how he pleaded for death after being bitten and how you had to grant it to him. But she didn’t look anything like your brother did after a couple hours. And you assume Joel wouldn’t take a risk like that on himself either. “I’m sorry.” You whisper. “Well, I’m Bee. Can I help?”
Thus began your adventure with the pair and your unlikely relationship with Joel. Ellie was easy and could talk for hours, you and Ellie would have competitions to see if you could make Joel laugh. You were pushing 40 but still were so lively in comparison to Joel.
“What do you miss about before, Joel?” You asked as Ellie slept behind you two.
He hardened almost instantly, he did this every time you asked of life before. You weren’t sure what it was, but you would have hoped he would confide in you one day.
“I miss showers.” You laughed. “That and sushi probably.”
Joel coughed out a small laugh. “That raw fish is shit.”
You feigned hurt and slapped his shoulder. “Joel Miller you take that back.”
He tried his damndest not to care about Ellie and not to love you. It was hard. So painfully hard not to love both of you. Ellie who was just as spunky and full of everything good like Sarah. Sarah who would have befriended Ellie if she could of. And you. You never not had a smile on your face, regardless of the situation.
So he took care of you the only way he knew how. He kept you alive and got so incredibly mad when you would put yourself in danger. He loved you, but he would never let you know that.
But you did. You knew it from the way he gave you an extra bar of food from his own stash, you knew it from the eyes he keeps on you when he thinks you can’t see. And one day you give Joel a kiss on the cheek. He coughs it off and looks away from you. You chuckle and squeeze his shoulder before going back to your sleeping bag.
Then one day it blew up. You had met Tommy and his wife Maria and saw a picture of a young girl he kept in his coat pocket when it fell out. “Is this your daughter?” You asked Tommy with Ellie beside you.
He shook his head. “Niece.” The two of you obviously understood what that meant and a lump appeared in your throat. Your heart breaking for the man you have come to love. His hatred for the state of the world was already justified, but knowing this. You can’t imagine how he’s survived so long with the weight of this.
A bit after you continue your journey without Tommy and Maria. You hug Joel from behind and he places his hands on top of yours, putting down the tools he was using to set up camp.
“Joel.” You whisper. “I’m so sorry about Sarah.” You thought it would maybe bring you closer but he pulled away.
“How did you- don’t. Don’t you mention her name.” Joel felt his heart break the way it did every time he let himself remember his baby.
You step closer only for him to step back. “Joel, I love you, I just want to help you.” You might as well have slapped him from the way he looked about you.
He pointed a finger at you. “Don’t come snoopin’ in my life. You’re on thin fuckin’ ice right now.”
“I just want- I love you, and I know you love me. Please just let me in.”
Joel’s head shook from side to side. “No I don’t. I don’t know where you got that idea from but that ain’t it. I didn’t even want you to come with us, but really what choice do I have when you’re always puttin’ yourself where you don’t belong.”
“Please, you don’t mean that.”
“Try me. You could leave right now and I wouldn’t care whether you ended up dead or alive.” In the same way as Joel’s, your heart broke, and what was left of it hurt your chest.
Joel took off, angry you brought Sarah up, angry all over again for the way she was taken from him. Ellie watched quietly as you cried and leaned against the wall holding yourself. She had gotten to know you pretty well, and she knew of everything you had gone through so she hugged you as you cried, trying to comfort you.
“I don’t think he meant it.” She would say.
You shook your head, tears staining her shirt. “I’m so sorry El, you have to be stronger than me okay? Promise?”
“Promise.” She wouldn’t know what that meant until the next morning when she woke up and you were gone.
She woke up earlier than she would normally, she only knows that because Joel was still asleep. Ellie saw the note left by her sleeping bag, her name on it in a similar manner to the note Bill left long ago.
I’m so sorry baby girl, I love you so much, please take care of yourself and Joel. He needs you.
Ellie’s breathing picked up. Her worst fears coming true. You left her. Rationally, she knew why you left, but it didn’t change the overall fact that you left her. “Joel.” She cried out getting up. “Joel!” She cried harder and Joel bolted to her side with his gun in hand.
“What Ellie. Are you okay? Where is Bee, Ellie?” He asked looking all around for you. “Where is she?”
Ellie cried handing him the note you left. “She’s gone. She’s- she’s gone cause of you Joel! Because you were so mean to her. She-” Ellie’s crying caused her to start hiccuping and she couldn’t breathe. Joel lowered his gun, ignoring the pain in his chest and held her close. Crying how it was his fault you left and that you abandoned her.
The guilt Joel failed to feel last night came at him full force, and there was nothing he could do. He wouldn’t be able to find you, and contrary to what he said last night, he cared about you a whole lot, and you being gone caused so much panic in his head knowing he couldn’t do anything.
He couldn’t do anything but hold Ellie while she cried, his own feelings stifled by her loud ones.
Ever since you were little you had someone looking over you. Your brother, Bill and Frank, Joel. You have never known what it was like to be truly alone. Until now anyway.
When you had to figure out the map by yourself. Figure out where to even go. You remembered something about Tommy being in Jackson. He was the only friend outside of Joel and Ellie that you had. So you attempted to make your way there, gun in hand, scared for your life.
There were a few incidents with clickers, one got a little too close for comfort, but you kept yourself safe. It was a feeling you never had before. You did protect yourself before, but in case you weren’t strong enough, someone was always there. And now you had no room for errors.
You were more nervous about bumping into someone, as only really crazy people wander out so far. Thankfully, your walk to Jackson didn’t include interacting with anyone really.
But that also meant it was really lonely. You would cry to sleep hoping Joel and Ellie were okay. That they were safe and you were happy they had each other, because you were so lonely.
It was your choice to leave, but it was only after the cruel things Joel had said, and it did look like he meant it. He never came to apologize, but you regret it a little if only for Ellie.
It was too late, you had no idea where they were, and it would be dangerous for you to just wander with no real place in mind.
Eventually, you made it to Jackson and reunited with Tommy and Maria who welcomed you with open arms. Literally, you ran straight at them and hugged them tight, relishing in the human touch you missed so much.
“Bee, are Joel and Ellie okay?” Tommy asks worried.
You nod pulling back a bit. “Why are you here all alone, Bee?” Maria asks this time.
“It’s a- a bit of a story. I left. I don’t really think they needed me.” Tommy nods, understanding that his brother sabotaged himself from something good like he always does.
Maria ignores the pensiveness from the younger Miller brother and ushers you in the town. “We have a couple new houses Tommy finished up, and there’s some jobs you can take up.” She explains.
They let you stay with them for that night, and you moved into your new house the next day. It was really close to the farm they had, so you decided to run it. Tommy had been going there periodically with Maria, but it needed constant care. You were more than willing to be surrounded by some animals. There was even a German Shepard who took to you quickly named Lily. She was about six years old, and she was the sweetest.
A few weeks after feeling settled you decided to go out to the town bar that everyone frequented. You sat with Maria chatting as Tommy socialized with the other townspeople.
“Emory has been looking at you since we got here.” You turn to see who she meant and it was the same guy who kept coming to the farm with new appliances for the animals. He always made things. “He’s cute, Bee.
“He stops by the farm a lot, I didn’t realize I never knew his name.” You explain, but as you go to turn back around he walks towards you sitting beside you.
He smiles joyfully, and you take a better look at him. It was true, he was handsome, and he was much closer in age to you. Though you loved Joel still, Maria kept telling you that moving on was something you had to get on. That you shouldn’t wait for Joel to ever come around.
You thought you knew Joel well enough, and because of that you figured she was right. “Hi Miss Maria.” He flashes her a warm smile.
Maria smiles at the two of you cheekily. “Hello Emory, nice seein’ you around. Been some time.”
Emory chuckles at her callout. “I’ve been busy workin’ on some new project for the farm. Wanted to help Bee out... make it easier to care for em’.”
You felt your face warm at his admission and you finally look at him. “I’m so sorry, I never got your name. I feel so rude.”
He shakes his head softly. “We’re all square Bee. I like helpin’ y’out.” A new song played in the small bar and he lit up. “You wanna dance Bee? Haven’t heard this song in ages.”
Maria sends an obvious look your way and you take the hand he had out for you. His smooth southern voice reminded you of Tommy and Joel, and you wondered if he knew them too.
He danced with you slowly, you had never danced like this with anyone before, but it felt nice. You felt wanted. “I really am sorry I never got your name before. You’ve been so helpful to me.”
“It ain’t your fault.” He reasoned as he swayed with you, his hands on your sides. “I just wanted to know everything about you.”
You giggled quietly. “Definitely not everything.”
“Everything.” He nodded.
From then on, you saw Emory a lot more. Lily liked him enough to greet him at the door. He made stuff for you personally now. A bed frame, furniture. You two would take strolls on the horses, and it was one of your first date.
Four months into dating Emory and you felt yourself finally beginning to maybe letting go of Joel Miller. You still loved him, but maybe you could make room in your heart for Emory.
It was hard. There was so much about Joel you loved, and even now you couldn’t let go of it, but you tried convincing yourself he wouldn’t want you anyway. And here was this great guy who wanted you. There really was only one choice.
Yet one random day, you were feeding the pigs with Lily you hear the gate open. Emory said he would be back later today, but you smile knowing he got off early. “Welcome back.” You smile happily as you turn around.
Whatever else you had to say dies on your lips when you come face to face with Joel Miller. His hands at his sides looking as devastatingly handsome as he did the first time you saw him. “Hi Bee.”
His voice is smooth as it always was. Your hands clench feeling your breathing getting faster. “Hi.” You breathe out.
“I’m-” Joel paused holding back all the words he wants to say. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”
Your nose scrunches at his admission. “I didn’t think that would be the case.” Joel’s words came back to you and it hurt just as bad as it did when he said them, but you weren’t going to try to make amends with Joel. “Is Ellie here?” He nods. “Where?” You ask eagerly.
“Walk with me.” He’s already turning around and you walk quickly with Lily to catch up. She walks cautiously towards Joel, and when she’s close enough he bends down to pet her. Her tail wags like crazy as she lick Joels hands. He chuckles at the furry creature, and you watch quietly. “What’s her name?”
“Lily.”
He nods and continues to walk forward.
You see her before she sees you. She’s talking about something with Tommy. You run as fast as you can and squeeze her from behind. She’s quick to turn around and takes you in. “Bee!” She cries out squeezing you in a hug again.
“I’m so sorry baby girl. I missed you so much.” You cry into her. Finally believing that her and Joel are alive.
“S’okay.” She blubbers out, crying with you. “I understood.”
Once you let go you wipe your tears away and look back at Joel, feeling very emotional. “I’m happy you’re okay.”
He nods. “I’m so damn grateful you made it.” He’s about to say something else before your name is called out.
“Hey Bee, are you alright sweetheart.” Emory inspects your face as you nod.
He turns back to Joel and Ellie who has a scrunched up face. “Hey, nice to meet y’all.”
You gesture to the two of them. “That’s Joel, Tommy’s brother, and Ellie. This is Emory”
Joel nods stiffly while Ellie waves a hand around. The two of you walk off and he takes you to the farm. “You knew them?”
You nod stiffly. “Travelled with them for a bit.” That was that. Emory left you to tend to the animals, promising to spend more time together tomorrow.
Of course Joel couldn’t really keep away from you. Not when for the longest time he didn’t know you were alive or dead. He got in through the gate and Lily immediately greeted him, so happy to see him. “Hello sweetie.”
Her happy barks echoed throughout the place, so you went back out to see him with her. It made you feel warm, but the dread you felt from before crept back in. “Can I help you Joel?”
He slowly pushes off his knees to stand back up. “I just wanted to see you.”
“You saw me earlier.” You point out.
“Not enough.”
The two of you remain quiet for a while, letting Lily’s soft panting and the noise from the farm linger between you.
“I’m sorry Sweet Bee.” Your eyes shut, not wanting to look at him. “I didn’t mean it.” It’s been so long without any sort of apology that the emotions from the argument come back as if it was fresh. “You just... thinking about her?” Joel sighs softly trying his best to explain without falling apart from the loss. “It breaks my heart all over again- my baby girl. I’ve been so angry, at everything that took her from me.” Your eyes squeeze to prevent the tears that form from his grief to fall. You feel it, just like you did back then. “I was so angry I didn’t realize I was losin’ you in that process.”
Joel didn’t cry, he’s worked hard over the years to keep his feelings to himself. But he almost did. Watching you break down in sympathy for him, for Sarah. It tears him apart. “I’m sorry Joel. I know I’ll never really understand, but fuck if it doesn’t hurt all the same. I’m so sorry Joel.”
Your words don’t come as shock, but it’s warm. It’s honest and your sadness for him is welcomed this time instead of pushed aside. He closes the distance between the two of you, pulling you to him. “I was so scared, Bee. Scared you were hurt and there was nothin’ I could to to help you.” You nod crying into his chest, your knuckles clenching together. “And I do love you Bee. I really do.”
His admission has you freezing in his hold, guilt creeping in for the man who has been nothing but doting on you since you got to Jackson. You pull back from him to finally look at him. “Joel I-”
“I know you’re with that kid.” Joel sighs. “But I felt like you deserved to know after I- after I lied. Quite terribly.” He leaves a small kiss on your forehead before pulling back and leaving you be.
Unfortunately, it only left you more lost than before. You closed up farm early and headed home with Lily. It was true that you still loved Joel, but you did care about Emory, and was it fair to let him go after everything he has done for you?
The next day you decided it was best to let him go, not keep lying to him when you knew it would always be Joel. When he visited you you sat him down by the stables.
“I just wanted to talk to you about something. You play with your hands a little as your nerves kick in.
He smiles still, albeit a bit confused. “Are you alright Bee?”
Your head shakes and you finally look at him. “I really do like you Em, and I have loved spending time with you. But-” Your words get stuck, mouth open trying to form some sentence that will make it easier. “I can’t be with you anymore.”
Emory’s face now completely sullen hurts. “I guess I just don’t... understand. What happened?” He’s looking at you for answers, and you’re not sure if you should really reveal it. “I-” he breathes out. “I love you Bee.”
You let out a small cry at his confession. “No Em, I’m definitely not worth that-”
“You are Bee, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier, but please. I just want you.”
“I can’t- I can’t love you like that Em.” You admit sheepishly. “I don’t think I can love anyone else like that.”
His face unfurls and he’s squinting at you. “Are you-” his hands move to his hips. “Are you in love with someone else.”
Your eyes close, but open again to face him. “Yes.” You breathe out. “The same person I was in love with when I got here. I don’t want to lie to you or myself anymore thinking that it’s going to change.”
“Who?” He asks through gritted teeth.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It kind of matters a fuckin’ lot to me, Bee.” His voice is raised and you’re on your toes. Lily starts barking up, not liking the way Emory’s voice became angry. You really needed her with you, so you’re on edge when she goes off somewhere.
Your hands go out in a way to calm him down. “I need you to step back, and I’m sorry I’ve hurt you, but I’m telling you I can’t be with you anymore. Please understand.”
He shakes his head. “Nah.” Emory chuckles slowly. “You mean to tell me I’ve wasted my time with you?”
You huff out in disagreement. “If that’s because I didn’t sleep with you then it’s for the better that we split.”
“Now don’t you fuckin’-” He goes to grab your arm but he hears Lily’s barks come back louder.
“You touch a hair on her head I’ll shoot you right through your goddamn skull.” Joel holds up his gun, and it’s almost comical how much it reminds you of the first time you met.
He points to Joel with the hand he raised to you. “This him?”
“Leave Emory. Now.” You say sternly.
He clicks his tongue to look back at Joel. “You know this ain’t none of your business.”
“It is my business if you lay a finger on her. Get outta here like she asked. I won’t ask again.”
Emory relents finally and leaves you with Joel and Lily. You stoop down to pet Lily, silently thanking her for getting Joel for you. “Thank you, Joel.”
“I’m sorry about it.” He says.
You shrug. “He’s just angry I didn’t sleep with him.” Joel’s head whips his head around to you and you laugh. “What? I’m selective.”
He brushes it off stepping closer to you and Lily allows it. “Are you alright?”
You nod. “It- It was always going to be you Joel.” His expression doesn’t change by much, but you can tell he’s really listening by the way his breathing picks up. “So if you want me, well, I’m here.”
It doesn’t take long for him to drop the gun and take you in his arms kissing your breath away. Your hands instinctively go to his hair pulling at it as he holds you tighter, pressing into you as much as he could.
He pulls back, resting his forehead to yours, his hands in your hair now and yours moved to his shoulders. “Well thank you Miller.”
Synopsis: After your father’s death you set on a quest to save the lost child from so many years ago, and another being you didn’t think needed saving.
Genre: angst, fluff
Warnings: N/A
Pairings: luke x f!reader, luke x jedi!reader, din x f!reader, din x jedi!reader, din x mandolorian!reader
Main masterlist
Your birth was one that would not have happened without the fall of the republic and the Jedi. It is hard to be grateful for life when so many had to lose theirs to have yours. Nevertheless, you proceeded to be a good person and do right by the galaxy by joining the rebellion.
You were currently with Luke Skywalker, a long time friend trying to find a way to escape the death star you currently walked. Luke and Leia are three years your senior but you were a far more skilled Jedi than Luke was. You would have to thank your father for that.
When you were close to the ship you found your father dueling with his old Padawan. Obi wan Kenobi glanced at you all giving you a small smile before his once brother slashed your father with his lightsaber.
“NO!” You and Luke yelled. You were torn apart from the grief and stared Vader down so he would know the pain you felt in your very soul.
“The anger consumes you, young one.” He says to you barely audible, and if it wasn’t for Han and Leia you would have ran over to him with your lightsaber, but the more you thought of it, the more you knew your father wouldn’t want that.
After that, the moments passed by, and before you knew it, you had succeeded in destroying the death star, but that was not the end of the Empire forever.
The four of you established a strong bond, relying on each other for everything, along with Artoo and Threepio. Luke and you got close, but he stepped away from your ever growing relationship. He was going to be a Jedi, his mind was made up. Although you thought it was a flaw in the way of the Jedi, you meekly respected his decision and nursed your broken heart as best as you could
In the end, Darth Vader returned to being Anakin Skywalker, pilot and Jedi Master in his passing. Luke buried him honorably and he had become a great Jedi in such a short amount of time.
In your celebration of the Empire’s fall, you sat watching all the Ewok’s dance. Luke walked up to you a wide smile. “Are you sure I can’t convince you to come with me?” Luke wanted to rebuild a Jedi school, and although you wanted to, it was only because you wanted to be close to him.
You shook your head with a grin. “I am no Jedi, Luke.” He frowns a bit, kneeling down to you. “Don’t look at me like that.” You chuckle.
“Like what.” He laughs back.
“You’re making this very hard, Luke.” You sigh. “I still care about you.”
He shrugs. “I still care about you too.”
You shake your head looking at him seriously. “You know that’s not how I meant it.” He says nothing which just further emulates your point. “If you feel your destiny is this, then that is what it is Luke, and I will not steer you away from that. But keeping me around knowing we’ll never amount to anything is not fair to either of us. This is not my destiny, I am not meant to be a full Jedi.”
He nods slowly taking in your words. Luke did want to be with you and he wanted to be Jedi, but he saw what it did to his father, and he did not want to forsaken himself. “What are you meant to be.”
“I am a Jedi, in a sense, but I am also a Mandalorian.” These two ideologies always conflicted you in a similar way they conflicted your father. In the end, he gave in to what he wanted and married your mother. A match no one ever really saw coming. Mandalorians were about family whereas Jedi were just understanding connections and did not give in to them. "I want a family and I will find one. That is the way.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be that for you.” He says.
“Never apologize. You are a Jedi, and I understand that more than anyone.” Luke embraces you and for some reason you feel that this will be the last time you see him for a while, so you squeeze back tight.
The two of you then walk over to stand to the side and Leia joins you two wrapping her arms around the two of you. You stare off and see your father and Master Yoda appear before you, you smile back sadly, missing your father. Then, another figure, what you assume to be a young Anakin Skywalker presents himself, a little shy, but delighted nonetheless. You look to Luke and Leia and see smiles on their faces.
That was six years ago and your quest to find the young child has not been going so smoothly. Moff Gideon was after the child and from what you heard he had been taken by a Bounty hunter to Tatooine to keep him from him. You landed in Tatooine finally and a curly haired woman comes out with a small creature wrapped in robes. “Name’s Peli, whatcha need fixing on pretty lady.”
You chuckle. “Probably just tuning and a change in the oil if you could.” She gets her droids to get to working on your ship and turns which brings you face to face with the child. Your eyes widen, recognizing his face. “Where did you get that child.”
She turns back around. “Who’s asking.” She slowly starts stepping away, her fear growing slowly. “I’m going to need you to back up.”
“I am a Jedi, I am here to find the child and rescue him.” You try to explain.
She looks around worriedly, and you don’t want to steal the child, but you have been searching for so long just to let him go.
“Step away from the kid, Jedi.”
You turn to the voice and see a man completely covered from head to toe in beskar armor. “A Mandalorian.” You whisper. He pulls out his rifle and points it at you. You immediately reach your arm out and throw the rifle to the side. “I do not want to fight you Mandalorian.”
“I’ve heard that before.” He charges towards you and you pull out your lightsaber and ignite it, just barely blocking his blow.
You maneuver around him to try to catch him off guard but he ends up pinning you down with a knife to your neck. You don’t panic, instead you speak to him. “Udesii, Utreekov.” Calm down, idiot. This causes him to step back abruptly and allows you stand back up.
“How do you-”
“I am a Jedi, but I am also a Mandalorian.” You explain wiping off the dust from your robes.
“Impossible.”
You shake your head. “You would think so, no? My father was a Jedi, and my mother Mandalorian.”
He still seems unconvinced. “You are not Mandalorian.” You roll your eyes at the man. “You do not cover your face.”
“That is not the only way to be Mandalorian. It is not only a race but a creed. I will take a wild guess and say you were not born on Mandalor nor were your parents Mandalorian.” He remains silent which answers your question. “Yet you are still Mandalorian, and I still see you as a Mandalorian, you have earned it.” You smile. “The creeds have a very uptight way of seeing who is Mandalorian and who is not, anybody can be a Mandalorian the same way anyone can be a Jedi. For me, this is the way.”
The man is moved by your speech and nods back although a bit reluctant. “This is the way.” He replies. “What do you want with the kid.”
You look over to see him look at your curiously, cooing and reaching out. You reach your hand out and sense great fear and love in the child. “My father was a Jedi Master and a general in the clone wars, I was tasked with finding the lost child that they saved during Order 66 and I have finally found him. What are you doing with the child?”
“I am taking him back to his kind, the Jedi.” He states. “You are a Jedi, can you not train him?”
You hum taking a closer look at the child. “I am not a traditional Jedi, him training under me would not be the best idea, but I do know someone who can. His name is Luke Skywalker, and he is one of the very few Jedi left.”
“That’s great, where is he?”
“I am not sure, he doesn’t ever answer his comms, but I know a Mandalorian who could help. Her name is Bo’katan. I can come with you and the child till he safely arrives with Luke.”
He freezes a bit. “I can do it myself.”
“With all do respect Mandalorian, I wasn’t really asking for permission. The child is my last task, and I will follow it through, I took an oath.”
He doesn’t say much after that, he understands better than most.
The two of you fought various creatures and saved each other more than you can count. These experiences together have strengthened the small bond you two have created together.
“Do you remember your parents?” He asked you one day.
You nod eagerly. “My mother was a Duchess of Mandalor.” You explain.
Mando moves his head to the side in questioning. “Satine?”
“Yea, not a lot of people remember her well. My father was Obi wan Kenobi, he trained Anakin Skywalker, Luke’s father and also Darth Vader.” Mando freezes and turns to look at you, and although you can’t see his face, you can imagine what his expression might be. “Yea.” You sigh. “He eventually redeemed himself which also not a lot of people know. I think the only people who knew his real identity were my father, Master Yoda and Darth Siddious himself.”
He lets out a breath and goes back to steering the Crest. “How did your father break the code- isn’t it without attachments?”
You nod. “The fall of the Jedi kind of opened the doors for him and my mother. They were very much in love, and I think even before Order 66, my father would have abandoned the Jedi Order if she asked. But she knew how much it meant to him and never wanted to make that decision for him. It worked out for them though, so I’m glad they both were happy together.”
“So odd, the Jedi way. Family, our creed is everything.” He replies.
“I agree, I think the way of the Jedi is a bit flawed but it is hard for people to break tradition.” You move your seat forward to be more next to Mando. “Do you remember your parents Mando?”
He tilts his head to the side. “Not really, they were killed by droids when I was young. The Mandalorians took me in and I was a foundling, it has been my whole life since then.”
“And you haven’t taken off the helmet?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not the way.”
“Maybe it’s just not your way.” He remains silent. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I just don’t want your view on Mandalorians to be so cutthroat. I feel like you don’t really see me as a Mandalorian.”
He turns his body to you. “Regardless of the fact that you’ve earned it with how you are in battle, it is your birthright. I would be the last person to say you are not Mandalorian.”
“Do you want a family Mando?” You ask curiously, growing fond of your new companion.
“I have a family.” He says referring to his creed.
You shake your head. “I mean like a wife and a kid, that kind of stuff. Or husband.”
He chuckles a little, staring out into the stars. “Maybe.” He says simply. “What about you y/n?”
He hardly ever says your name, so you’re caught off guard a little. “Um, yea. I think after seeing my parents and their love, I would like to find something like that. If the Force allows me.” You smile softly, and you think he was going to say something else but the Child begins to cry and you walk over to him and cradle him close. “It’s okay, cyar’ika. I’ve got you.” He grabs onto your head getting you to look at him and you focus on the concentration he has on the force.
Can you hear me?
You gasp never being able to read thoughts through the force before. Yes, I can- how- are you okay?
Yes, I’m so happy. I’m Grogu. I’m so happy. You and father make me happy.
Your eyes water with his confession and you kiss the top of his head. “Grogu.” He stares at you with wonder and adoration. You chuckle and run to the cockpit. “Mando! Mando!” He stands abruptly from his chair to see what was wrong and seeing you crying has him on edge and wanting to ease whatever was wrong. “I- the kid- I mean Grogu. His name is Grogu. He spoke to me.”
His eyes widen behind the helmet although you can’t see. “Really? How?”
“Through the force.” His shoulders slump a little, he was excited to hear the little kid talk.
“What did he say?”
You smile looking down at the green guy. “He said ‘I’m so happy. I’m Grogu. I’m so happy. You and father make me happy.’”
Mando grabs Grogu and holds him close. “You make me happy too Grogu.” You smile at the two of them, tears welling up again. “And you too, cyar’ika.” He extends his arm and you crash into them. You make no comment on him calling you darling, you just enjoy it and your heart swells for your little family.
That moment changed something between the two. Every time you interacted now the atmosphere was intense and there was a longing neither of you discussed. You found Bo’katan and in turn found Ahsoka Tano, an ex-Jedi trained by Anakin.
She speaks with Grogu through the force. “I cannot train him, and I doubt Luke will either.”
“Why not?” Mando grumbles.
“He has a strong attachment to the both of you, I’ve seen the best of us fall to those things.” She turns away.
“He deserves a chance to try.” You plead.
Mando steps up and covers your hand with his. “If we help you with the town will you make sure he has a chance.”
She stays quiet for a moment but agrees. And so the two of you do what you do best. Afterwards, she directs you to Tython where Grogu can pick for himself what he will do. “May the Force be with you.” You say to her.
“And with you.” She nods.
You turn back to Mando who was giving you a look you couldn’t see, but you could feel it. You laugh holding Grogu close. “This is the way.”
He nods back in approval. “This is the way.”
The two of you get on the ship and make your way to Tython, putting the Crest on auto pilot you should be there in a few days. The two of you were alone as Grogu slept in his compartment and you felt your chest tight from nerves. “Mando.” He hums to let you know he’s listening as he leans back on his chair. “What’s your name?” He doesn’t move, but his body is rigid and you can feel it. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be nosy, I just was curious- I guess I am nosy but-”
“Din.” He replies and you remain silent. “My name is Din Djarin.”
“Din.” You say. He turns to look at you, his gaze intense and almost intimidating, but he was in fact delighted to hear his name fall from your lips. “I like it.” And there it is, the intenseness of it all. You wanted to touch his hand, to hold him in anyway possible. Your feelings were growing everyday, and the fact that he loved the kid did not help in keeping them at bay. He felt the same, his hands twitching to touch yours so close he could do it if he really did want to, but you were much wittier. You placed your hand on top of his.
“Yooba solus mesh’la.” You are so beautiful. You take in a breath at his confession, unsure of what to do, even Din doesn’t know how he let that one slip. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to just blurt that out.”
You raise your eyebrows at him. “Did you not mean it then?”
He shakes his head making you worry. “I meant every single word.”
“I-” Your breath gets caught and you’re at a loss for words. “No one’s called me beautiful in a long time.”
“I’m sorry.” He says sincerely. “It’s true.” He pulls out something from his pocket. A little necklace with a mudhorn on it. “I had this made, Grogu and I defeated it together. It’s our signet.”
You turn around to have him put it on and once he does you’re in awe. “This is beautiful Din, I love it.” You lean over to encase him in a hug.
“Haar’chack, yooba solus mesh’la.” Damn it, you’re beautiful. He curses causing you to laugh. Eventually Din goes to sleep in his room while you stay in the cockpit to make sure everything was running smoothly. Your heart was racing and you had a huge smile on your face. Having only known Din for a few short months you were already so taken with him. You wondered if this is what love was like.
You reminisced when you had feelings for the young Jedi and inwardly cringed with how forward you were with him. This felt much different than that. A much stronger connection. Although you knew Luke wanted to give in, he never let himself, but Din let you have any piece of him you wanted. He would give his soul in a heartbeat if it made you happy. And that’s the difference you guess.
That was the kind of love you saw with your mother and father, and although more intense, a similar love you remember your father telling you Anakin had for Luke’s mother. You wonder why Luke would want to bring back the ways of the Jedi that ultimately ended up failing his father, he might face similar if not worse scenarios. You hope to the Maker it isn’t possible, but you are still skeptical.
You jolt in your seat when you hear crashing around in the back, and at first you think it’s Gorgu, but the sounds were too loud and too heavy. You walk over to Din’s room and see him thrashing in his sleep. “No...” He mumbled. You crawl into his bed and try to steady him, but he gets scared and grabs your wrists.
“It’s just me Din, you’re okay, you’re safe.” He immediately holds you to him like a child clinging to a teddy bear and you let him rubbing the back of his neck. You can feel the hair that sticks out meaning he doesn’t have his helmet set in place, but you don’t look and keep your eyes away from the curly hair you feel in your hands. It’s so soft. “Yooba solus cyare.” You are loved. You say to him and he relaxes in your hold.
There wasn’t anything specific Din could say he focused on. He loved all the things about you. Your honesty compelled him to be honest with you. Your openness and generosity caused him to try to do those things too. You made him a much better person and you added so much depth to his being. Whereas the Mandalorian struggled to know if he added anything to your life.
But he did.
He showed you loyalty and blind trust you had only ever experienced as a child. Before your father and mother passed, and before Luke had the weight of continuing the legacy of the Jedi on his shoulders. He gave you a home and people to love who loved you right back. You met someone who put you first and you them.
Though neither of you put a name to it yet. It was hard to disturb your relationship when it seemed to be progressing well on its own.
The two of you fell asleep holding one another, and eventually an alarm went off to signal that you were nearing Tython. Din hurries back to the cockpit securing his helmet, realizing it almost fell off, but you would never disrespect him as to look. You went to grab Grogu and bring him to the front with Din.
Grogu was trying to get your attention, so when you focused on him he spoke to you.
Are mother and father leaving me?
You shook your head holding his little hand. No Grogu, you will get to decide if you want to reach out to other Jedi.
His face scrunches up before turning back to you. Should I?
It is all your choice Gorgu. We will be here no matter what.
“What are you guys whispering about?” Din asks preparing to land.
“Grogu is just a little nervous.” You smile at your little green son. “But I told him everything will be alright. He has his Buirs.”
Din smiles under the helmet and lands the Razor Crest. The two of you walk silently up the hill and place Grogu on the top. “So what happens now?” He asks.
“Grogu decides if he wants to reach out .” The two of you let Grogu be and eventually he starts connecting with the Force. Meanwhile, a man at the bottom of the hill catches your attention and both of you go towards him.
“Hey sweetheart.” His voice makes your eyes widen. You felt like you were seeing things.
“Boba- you’re supposed to be dead.”
Din turns to look at you. “You know him?”
“I want the armor.” He states.
Your Mandalorian straightens up and stands closer to you. “If you want it you’re going to have to peel it off of my dead body.”
You shake your head. “No he means the armor you got from Vanth. It belonged to his father’s.”
“Are you in a creed?” Din asks.
“No.” He replies. “My father was sworn in and he passed it down to me.”
“And if I kill you where you stand?”
Boba laughs and looks behind Din. “There’s a sniper up there who shoots when my body hits the ground.” Din looks and sees Fennec, surprised but doesn’t dwell on it for very long. “If you give me the armor I can help you with getting the kid and the two of you wherever you need to go safely.”
Although Din wanted to retort, there wasn’t much time to when you spotted Gideon’s ship in the atmosphere and Grogu’s connection with the Force severed. “Grogu!” You yelled in a panic. You rushed up the hill and Force jumped up to protect your son while Boba went to grab his gear after Din let him in a panic.
He was beyond scared and he felt like a child watching you fend off the dark troopers. He couldn’t get to you in time. One of them grabbed Grogu causing you to divert your attention and it made you drop your lightsaber. They flew away taking the both of you and Gideon’s ship fired destroying the Crest right in front of you. Your heart broke at the scene, but it hurt more to hear Din yell your name in such anguish.
When you made it up you were met with Gideon who immediately sent Grogu away from you and smiled sadistically. “Kenobi’s daughter in the flesh.” You scowled and spit at him. “Welcome aboard my ship, keep her from the kid.”
The guards escorted to you to a holding cell and cuffed you to keep you from catching hands with them. You sat in the cell and tried to connect with Grogu, but he was too weak to reach back. He didn’t have the training to do so.
Meanwhile, Din was in despair. He held your lightsaber close and clipped it on his belt. He looked up at Boba and together with Fennec, they were going to find you.
Time passes very slowly for you and you didn’t know if days or hours had passed. Eventually, your sitting around is interrupted. “Now how did you manage to get caught like this.”
You look up and see your father’s ghost looming around. “Dad.” You whisper.
“I guess the child proves a much more difficult task than I had anticipated.” He says with a smile. “Hello my sweet girl.”
You smile solemnly and stand up. “How- how come you’ve never come to me before?”
“You’ve never needed me before.” He says.
“Luke proves to be much more needier than you, y/n.” You see another figure pop up next to your father, and it’s Anakin. You hadn’t seen him since the celebration on Endor with the Ewoks. “That might be my fault too, heh.” He says scratching the back of his neck. “Hi y/n.”
It’s a bit overwhelming to say the least. To have your father and Anakin appear to you at the same time. “Don’t you guys only appear when I need help.”
“Well yea, kinda.” Anakin stretches. “They know you’re Obi-wan’s kid. Which woah by the way. I never saw that coming.” Your father jabs his padawan on the side. “Right. They’re going to take samples of your blood for your midichlorians the same way they’re going to do to Grogu. Before you escape the ship you need to grab every last container they have of your blood. You’ll never be free of them otherwise.”
The doors open and the stormtroopers take you forcefully. You look to your father with scared eyes, but he soothes your fears. “The Force is with you.”
You get injected with something that makes you pass out and when you come to, you’re so unbelievably weak you can barely hold your head up. You hear a lot of commotion outside, but you’re not in the best shape to try to escape.
The doors open anyway and you see him. “Y/n.” He breathes out. He embraces you and you try your best to wrap your arms around him. “I thought I lost you cyar’ika.”
You chuckle slowly. “Never.” He hands you your lightsaber but you can’t even grab it.
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
“Injected with... I don’t even know. Can barely move.” Din nods and picks you up carrying you out. “Grogu is on other side... I need to grab blood from them.”
“I can’t understand very well y/n.” You slide your hand under his helmet and he flinches, you place your hand on his cheek. You’ve only done this with other Force users but you wonder if it’ll work on Din, if he’s even the slightest bit Force sensitive. “Okay, I’ll take care of it.” You thank the stars and you’re able to relax a bit in his hold.
Din hands you off to Cara so you would be safe. “Maker, what did they get you with?”
“Dunno.” You slumped. “Passed out, woke up, could barely move.”
She hums placing you on a chair of the control station they took over. Cara takes out a serum from her pack and injects it in your thigh. “If I’m correct they used a serum made specifically for the Jedi they captured, and normally it’s hard to wake up from. But you Miss Kenobi, are made of steal.” You chuckle at her statement slowly gaining much more feeling and movement in the tips of your fingers. “It works pretty slow, but you’ll be better soon.”
“Thank you.” You breathe out. Your Mandalorian and Grogu come back and meet you guys. He throws Gideon to the ground and holds the Dark Saber in his hand. “Oh no.” You whisper but he catches and looks confused.
Gideon smiles at Bo’katan who looks distraught. “What’s wrong?”
“Mando.” You call out. “You defeated him in... battle. You’re able to rule Mandalor.”
“I don’t want it.” He holds it out to Bo’katan. “Take it, I yield.”
Gideon laughs. “She can’t, the sword isn’t the power, it’s the story. She has to defeat you in battle.”
There isn’t much time to talk more about it when the dark troopers start making their way to you. “Oh Maker.” You groan. The doors shut and everyone is standing protectively. Gideon grabs a blaster and shoots, once he aims at Grogu, Din moves in front to act as a shield. Cara kicks the blaster away and kicks his body now standing near him.
You sit up, feeling better and see an X-wing arrive. “One X-wing?” Cara says. “Great, we’re saved.” But you knew that X-wing, and the hope you clung to increases. Gorgu senses it too, touching the screen and watching.
You then see the green lightsaber slice through the dark troopers. “Luke.” You breathed out. You had to help him. You get up slowly and grab your lightsaber from Din. “Open the doors.” Luke was on his way up through the elevator.
“Are you crazy?” Bo’katan exclaims.
“Y/n-”
“Do you trust me?” He nods. “Open them.”
You light up your blue saber and slice through the first dark trooper. You keep going until the last one in the middle grabs you. Luke holds his hand out and turns it into a fist, crushing the metal body. You fall and he wraps an arm around you holding you up.
“Luke,” you smile.
He smiles back. “Hello y/n.”
Happy beeps draw your attention away and you crouch down. “I missed you too Artoo.” Din rushes to you and puts an arm around your waist asking if you were alright. “Yea. This is Luke Skywalker.” Upset beeps meet you this time. “And R2-D2.” You chuckle. “Luke, this is Mando and Grogu.”
Luke nods and holds out his hand. “Come little one.” Straight to the point, as always. Gorgu hesitates and your heart breaks.
“He doesn’t want to go with you.” Din says.
Luke is understanding of his connection but nods. “He’s asking for your permission.”
You bite your tongue to prevent yourself from crying, but it proves to be impossible when Din begins to remove his helmet. You take in a breath as he looks sadly at Grogu who touches his face everywhere he can and Din sheds a tear. He sets the green child down and he walks over to Luke with wonder. Luke picks him up and nods.
“May the Force be with you.” And he turns around, but Grogu looks at the two of you for as long as he can. You cry silently next to Din who’s having trouble with letting him go.
Once they’re out of sight you look back at Din. “You- you have to put your helmet on, I didn’t see anything, none of us did.”
He slowly puts it back on and the rest of you shuffle quietly into Boba’s ship. The air was tense and while Boba Fett was confused, he didn’t ask. Fennec nudged you to go and talk to the gloomy Mandalorian who sat in his small space on the ship.
You knocked but didn’t get a reply so you came in and saw Din staring down at his hands sitting on the bed. “Oh, Din.” He looked towards you but doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry you broke your creed, I know how much it means to you.” You sit next to him placing a hand on his.
“I just- I wanted you to see me differently.” He sighs.
Your face turns to confusion. “I’m lost.”
“I wanted you to see me when we got married, when you are my riduur.” You take in a breath, surprised by his bluntness when he’s always so shy. “I know we haven’t really been together or even known each other for too long, but I find myself longing for normalcy with you. Being able to do the most mundane things like brush our teeth together or sleep tightly in my cramped room, I would love to do those things with you. Because... well, because I love you.”
“Yooba solus ner aliit.” You are my family. You say putting a hand on his helmet where his cheek would be. “Ask me.” You say. “Ask me to marry you, Din.”
He holds both of your hands in his and looks at you. “Will you marry me, Y/n Kenobi. Whatever you want, it’s yours, I’ll give you the stars if that’s what you want.”
You giggle at his intensity. “Yes Din. But I want you, just you.” He pulls you close to him wrapping his arms tightly around you.
“I promise we won’t be living from place to place forever. I’ll build us a home, whatever kind you want.” He caresses your hair and you squeeze him tighter.
“Home is wherever you and I are together. I’m home right now.” It was a sweet moment between the two of you. You both found exactly what you were looking for and that was a family.
He handed you your blood samples and you squeezed him so hard he could barely breathe. You thought he wasn’t able to get them, but that would be the first time of many you would learn not to doubt the skilled Mandalorian.
You and Din got married on Tatooine with only a few friends present but you wouldn’t have minded even if it was just the two of you. When you got back to your room, your new husband sat you on the bed and took off his helmet placing it on the table beside the bed. “I wish you could’ve seen me for the first time this way.”
You run your hands all over, scratching the stubble along his face, tracing his lips, his nose, his eyes. “You’re so absolutely breathtaking Din.” He leans closer to you placing a hand on your cheek and kisses you. It’s his first kiss and he’s nervous he’s doing it all wrong, but it also feels spectacular. You’re so soft against him and sweet. You loved every moment of it, you loved him so immensely it hurt in the best possible way. You pull back and touch your forehead to his, both of you smiling ear to ear. “How did I get so lucky?”
“I think you’ve got it the other way around.” The two of you share a laugh. “Can I take you to bed riduur?”
“Only if you start calling me Mrs. Djarin.” You say leaning back.
“I think I can manage that.” And you were content throughout the night being loved by the one man you don’t think you could live without.
Although, your family wasn’t exactly complete. The two of you missed your green child horribly and you found yourselves looking for him only to remember he wasn’t with you. It was a difficult transition to say the least and one neither of you really wanted to admit that was the reality.
You and Din went back to make a little beskar armor for Grogu and give it to Luke. You got there in the new ship that Peli made for you two. It was small but you didn’t mind squeezing a little.
When you arrived at Ossus you were met by Artoo who was supposedly leading the way but brought you to Ahsoka. It was difficult to reason with her to see Grogu, but eventually, Luke came down to see the two of you.
“We came to see him.” You tell your long time friend twiddling with your fingers from nerves.
“It’s not good for him, he still has a strong attachment to the both of you.” You nod, understanding but still disappointed. Luke looks down and sees the shiny little beskar band around your ring finger. “You got married?” He didn’t really understand the pang in his chest that hit him when he saw the ring.
“Oh! Yes! I’m sorry, I couldn’t reach you, you never answer your comms.” You say with a stern voice. “I was going to tell you.”
Luke thought he got over the idea of the two of you a long time ago. This was the first time he’s ever felt so jealous of another being. To be allowed to have such connections with you. “That’s wonderful y/n. I’m happy you finally found a family like you wanted. Who’s the lucky man?” He’s lying, it’s not wonderful and he doesn’t know why.
You smile immediately, turning to your husband putting your arm through his. You communicated silently asking if it was okay to tell Luke his name and replies in a slight nod. “Luke, this is Din Djarin, my husband.”
The Jedi nods back to the Mandalorian. “Thank you for taking care of my friend.” This he means sincerley.
Din nods back at Luke. “I’m grateful for the opportunity to everyday.” And he smiles brightly under his helmet looking at you, both of you very unaware of the feelings of the Jedi in front of you. “Could you give him this at least,” Din holds out the beskar. “It’s his right as a foundling.”
Luke takes the beskar and holds it to him while he watches the two of you leave holding hands and Din helping you up to the ship. There’s a lump in his throat as the ship leaves and he’s unsure why he feels this way.
“Do you love that girl?” Ahsoka asks.
Luke shakes his head. “That’s silly.”
“Not really.” She says. “It’s kind of written all over your face.”
“Jedi are not to have attachments, and I will not.”
“So stubborn.” Ahsoka states. “So much like your father.” Luke stops and turns to look at her. “No one would be upset with you because you fell in love Luke. No one would blame you for wanting a family with someone.”
The young Jedi shakes his head. “No.” He says. “If it was going to be with anyone, it was going to be with her. It’s my fault. She deserves happiness, and I will be happy doing this.” He gestures to the soon to be temple.
He would not disturb your peace, even more so knowing that you loved the Mandalorian and he loved you right back. That much he could tell with ease, and that was enough for him.
Luke did present Grogu with a choice and the little green kid ended up reuniting with the two of you again on Tatooine. When all was over, you hugged as a family for the first time and had a tearful but happy reunion. Grogu sat in his compartment on the ship while you and Din sat in the cockpit talking.
“Do you want to have kids someday Din?”
“Only if its with you, Mrs. Djarin.” You smile silly, loving the way it sounds coming from him. You kiss his cheek as a thank you. He keeps his helmet off now around the two of you, but keeps it on for everyone else.
And that dream did become a reality a few years later after Din built the three of you a beautiful house on Endor with a big garden close to the lake. You were heavily pregnant walking outside with Grogu in your arms watching your husband tend to the crops.
“Looking good Mr. Djarin.” You call out and he smiles at you, his face free from his helmet.
“You’re much better to look at Mrs. Djarin.” He sends a wink your way and just like that, you’re flushed. “Did Luke answer your comms?”
You nod. “Yea, him and Leia are coming over a week before our baby is due. It’ll be fun to know if they’re Force sensitive like you and I are.”
Din puts down the weeds and walks over to place a kiss on your forehead. “I think the Jedi has a crush on you.” And while he’s trying not to act worried you see right through him.
You roll your eyes at your husband. “Din Djarin. We have been married for five years, I have this shiny beskar ring to prove it, I’m holding our adopted green child and about to pop out our first born. I don’t really care if Luke likes me or is even in love with me. I cannot love anyone the way I love you, the way I will always love you.”
He leans down to kiss you and he does. Every time is always a beautiful experience he’ll never get sick of. Unfortunately, he’s unable to savor it for so long as Grogu whines in your hold, feeling left out.
“I think he also wants a kiss.” You giggle. Din leans down more to place a small kiss on your son’s head.
“There, now please let me kiss your mother silly, thanks.” He says, quickly kissing you again as he promised. He pulls back only to place one last kiss on your forehead and wraps an arm around you. “This is the way.” He says staring out at your home squeezing you to him.
You put your arm around him and squeeze back equally as strong. “This is the way.”
A/N: Hi Guys! this is my first anakin fic. It’s been a while since I’ve written a fic, but I hope you guys like it. I’m using dialogue from ROTJ, all characters and everything belong to Lucasfilm!
Synopsis: he couldn’t go back in time, but no matter what, he was going to find you.
Warnings: N/A
Genre: Angst, Fluff, modern!AU
Pairings: anankin x f!reader, modern!anakin x f!reader, anakin x jedi!reader
Main Masterlist
The years Anankin spent as his alias Darth Vader are a bit of a blur. He did the same thing all the time, he terrorized countless planets and destroyed anything and everything that came upon his path. Time was fleeting, and the world was a dark place before you.
And after you.
After losing you and your children, there was little that Anakin clung to. Maybe deep down, he knew all along your children were alive and that is what kept him where he was. Maybe it was Palpatine’s control over him. Or maybe it was the desire to avenge himself, and you.
Obi-wan’s death by his hand did not bring Anakin back, it did not affect him as it should have. But to say it did not hurt would be an understatement. Anakin thought he had lost everything when he lost you. Losing Obi-wan, someone so vital to the relationship he had with you, it truly felt like you now only lived in his memory and he hated how disappointed Obi-wan was in him.
But only upon seeing his son struggling against his dark Master did Anakin return. To do right by you and Obi-wan. To actually save the people he cares about. And Anakin loved Luke. He and his sister were all he had left of you, how could he just let him suffer the way he had suffered.
And after throwing Darth Sidious he breathed heavily, finding it harder to do so with each passing moment. Luke placed his father down in the hopes to help him. “Luke,” he breathes. “Help me take... this mask off.”
His son looks at him with great concern. “But you’ll die.”
Anakin knew this would be the result of his actions. “Nothing can stop that now.” He nods. “Just for once... let me... look on you with my own eyes.” And it had been years since Anakin had seen someone that meant so much to him.
Luke helps his father remove the mask, carefully, and delicately with the most worried gaze. Anakin smiled, for the first time in a while. He smiled seeing how much Luke took after the both of you. How kind and brave and honorable your son turned out to be. He could only imagine your daughter was just as strong as Luke.
“Now... go, my son.” He stuttered. “Leave me.” Anakin wheezed.
“No.” Luke shakes his head. “I’m not leaving you here, I’ve got to save you.”
Anakin smiled again at his caring and wonderful son. “You already have, Luke. You were right. You were right about me.” He takes in a breath. “Tell your sister, you were right.” he whispers the last part and his eyes close finally achieving the rest he so wanted. To find you in the force.
However, Anankin had not come to be a Force ghost as he thought. Just as his years as Vader were a blur, his new life was too. He was in another life, but everything about him was the same. He didn’t know when he remembered everything, but once he pieced together all the things from his old life he was 22 and in college in New York. All he knew know was that he had to find you, but where could he even begin to look.
Anakin is nothing but stubborn when he sets his heart on something and he is thorough. He has mapped out all the boroughs and streets he has walked on. he can’t connect through the Force in this new life, but there is a power there all the same. Something beyond the Force that ties you to him and that in itself allows him to keep hoping he’ll see you.
He walks in to his lecture hall, he had to switch to an international relations course in order to complete one his graduation requirements. When his past life came back to him, Anakin quickly switched his academic course from finance to become a pilot, as he felt a strong connection to it already.
The professor walks in and sets his things down before looking up at the class. “Hello there.” Anakin’s head shoots up to meet the eyes of his former master Obi-wan Kenobi. His hands begin to sweat and the lump in his throat is evident.
Obi-wan, now deemed Ben Kenobi in this universe meets Anakin’s gaze and freezes. He experiences a similar wave of flashes that Anakin had a few years ago.
“I- uh.” He coughs to clear his throat. “Let’s pick up with yesterday’s lesson.”
The class goes by impossibly slow for Anakin, he’s dying to know if Obi-wan remembers the same things he does. He waits for the class to leave, but even as the last person shuffles out he stays in his seat.
Obi-wan is at a complete loss for words. He didn’t know what to say, but he said his name to start with. A name he hasn’t called him since their last duel in the desert. His eyes gloss over, hope hanging by a thread. “Anakin,” he whispers.
Anakin smiles, voice shaky. “Master Obi-wan.” The two break through their emotional chains and embrace in a hug. A long overdue one. Obi-wan loved Anakin the way a father should, and Anakin loved him right back.
After the reunion they go out to grab a drink and discuss their new lives together. “You’re married?” Anakin asks, surprised especially with how much Obi-wan fought to abide by the way of the Jedi.
“Yes, Anakin.” He smiles spinning his cup. “She’s uh- well who I know remember as Satine, but her name now is Sam.”
“I’m happy for you Obi-wan. Truly. I’m very happy to have found you. Have you seen y/n? I’ve been trying to look for her over the past two years.” He hopes his master will have an answer but Obi-wan just shakes his head.
“I’m sorry Anakin. I wish I could say I have.” Obi-wan thinks pensively while trying to remember everyone. Suddenly, Obi-wan smiles softly towards Anakin. “Ahsoka is close by.” Anakin perks up, nervous as his last meeting with his former padawan had not been all that pleasant. “She goes by Ash now, but she is a freshman, her class is right after yours.” After exchanging information with Obi-wan, he rushes to his last lecture hall and waits for them to finish before seeing Ahsoka.
Anakin thinks that meeting everyone could only lead to meeting you. He hoped. Eventually, the class finishes and Anakin waits rather impatiently, but Ahsoka has not changed. She walks up to the teacher a banters with him in a similar manner to the way she would with Anakin. It brought a smile to his face.
When she finally made her way out, she did not notice Anakin off to the side. Anakin called out to her to get her attention. “Ahsoka.” It was a slip up on his part. He fell to habit and wondered if the name would mean anything to her.
He thinks it does when her back straightens and she freezes on the spot. She waits there, taking her time the same way Obi-wan did. She doesn’t turn around but she speaks. “Anakin?”
“I’ve missed you Snips.” She turns to her former Master with tears in her eyes, charging at him with speed he has not seen before. It almost makes him tumble over but he holds steady for the both of them “I’ve gotcha Snips.”
She cries in her Master’s embrace, overcome with joy and grief all at the same time. “I- but you- you were him. I barely made it out. You- you scared me Anakin.”
He squeezes her to him to try and console the both of them. “I’m so sorry Snips. I’m sorry for everything that I caused. I’m sorry for abandoning you.”
Ahsoka’s breathing steadies and she lets go of Anakin. “So what are you doing now, master?”
Anakin shakes his head. “You don’t have to call me that Ahsoka.”
She grins cheekily. “If that’s the case then you shouldn’t be calling me Ahsoka or Snips. It’s just Ash here.”
“I don’t know if I could ever not call you Ahsoka or Snips.” Ahsoka chuckles at Anakin.
“You’re name remained the same, no?” Anakin nods. “Huh, it’s still a pretty unusual name for this planet.” Anakin nods in agreement. Ahsoka gasps loudly. “Oh my god, Obi-wan is here!”
Anakin laughs this time at her. “Yea I saw him right before I saw you. He would be really happy to see you again.”
She nods enthusiastically so Anakin takes her to Obi-wan’s office. The two embrace and catch up similarly. “Anakin, you should come with me! My sorority is assigning me my big today! You too Master Obi-wan!”
“Your what is giving your what?” Anakin asks.
Ahsoka rolls her eyes before explaining. “A sorority is like a group where you can make close friends. A big is kinda like your mother figure there. It’s not that complicated. Let’s go I’m going to be late.”
On the way there, Ahsoka throws on an ugly Christmas sweater even though its only October. She explained that her assigned big will also be wearing an ugly sweater and its a theme. They show up and Obi-wan and Anakin stick to the sides away from the crowd of girls.
“I need to find y/n, master. I’ve looked pretty much all over the big boroughs of New York and-” Obi wan chuckles. “What?”
He shakes his head. “You just haven’t changed Anakin, so impatient as always. Y/n will come to you when you don’t expect it.” The young Skywalker crosses his arms in protest. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He needed to find you.
The two go to watch Ahsoka search through the crowd of girls when someone taps her shoulder. “Ash?” Ahsoka nods with excitement. “Im y/n, I’m your big!” She hugs Ahsoka, and while Ahsoka does hug back, she wants to cry because she found you.
“I- I’m Ash. Um, would you come with me? I want you to meet my friends.” She hopes that if you see Anakin like she did, your memories will return to you, and you’ll know what a kickass Jedi you were.
You were a bit confused but went along joyfully. Your new little was everything you were hoping for. “Of course!” You follow her through the mass of people, and as you approached the two men, their backs were to you.
Ahsoka taps her Master on the back and he turns back to face her but he meets your gaze. It was you, truly and wholly in the flesh. Different from Ahsoka and Obi-wan’s reactions you don’t miss a beat. “Anakin.” You breathe out.
Anakin is now the one frozen in place and unable to make a move because he never thought you would just show up like this. “I- I- y/n.” he says back.
The two of you have tears streaming down your face, but your expressions are not sad. They are relieved. All of your new life you’ve felt like pieces of your memory have been missing. There was no name to the face you saw in your dreams constantly, and now you knew. It was him. He took over your dreams of another world, things you only thought were just that, dreams.
You remember what it was like meeting Anakin for the first time. You remember what it felt like when he held your hand, when he embraced you, when he kissed you, when he married you, and ultimately, when he had left you.
You wanted to run to him, for him to hold you and tell you that the two of you will finally get your well deserved happy ending. You open your mouth to speak but one of your sisters calls out to you. “Y/n! Let’s get a family photo with your little!” She takes in your appearance and concern floods her face. “Are you okay?”
“Yes!” You respond quickly. “It’s just that my padaw- my little has a cat and my allergies were acting up.”
Your sister buys it and the four of you gather together to take a picture. Unfortunately, you and Anakin are unable to talk to each other for the remainder of the night, but you keep looking for him to make sure he was still in the crowd and he was always looking for you too.
You hug Ahsoka tight to you, relieved to have found her. “Ahsoka,” you say. “How have you been.”
She smiles sweetly at you. “Good Master. I’m so happy to have found you and Anakin.”
“Thank you for finding me.” You say. “Do you remember by any chance, if Anakin...” not knowing whether or not Anakin remained on the dark side haunted you, but it was an answer you needed to know.
“Your son and your daughter saved him y/n.” Your heart swelled with happiness and relief. You had known in your heart all along that Anakin was never truly gone. “Luke started a Jedi school and Leia had a son with a man named Han Solo, they named him Ben.”
You smiled at her again. “Thank you, Ahsoka. For looking out for my children when we couldn’t.”
“You two were always there for me Master. It was the least I could do.” Finally, the event is over, and the two of you run to Anakin and Obi-wan. You collide pretty forcefully against Anakin and he holds you impossibly tight. He felt that if he let go, he’d lose you all over again, and he could never let that happen.
“Anakin,” you say with a smile.
He pulls back a bit in order to meet your eyes. “You are still so beautiful. I am so in love... with you.”
“You found me.”
“That is all I have wanted to do for years.” He explains.
You brush his hair back, calming him and yourself. “I had dreams of you.” You tell him. “Obviously, I didn’t know it was you at the time, but I now know, I dreamt of you almost every night.”
“All I ever do is dream of you.” He says.
You giggle at his affection. “Well now, you don’t have to.”And he kisses you. Above all you are the love of his life and he needs you to be as close as you possibly can.
He messed up your past life for the both of you, and he would rather skin himself than have that happen again.
You let go of Anakin in order to greet Obi-wan. “Master Kenobi.” You smile and hug him tight. “Thank you for everything you did for us, thank you for keeping my children safe.”
“I’m grateful to have you back here y/n. Your kids were a blessing to the galaxy.” He replies and rubs your shoulders to comfort you. “I have to get home, but you’re all more than welcome to come over for dinner.”
Ahsoka puts her hands together and bows. “Thank you Master Kenobi, but I have to hang out with some of the newly initiated girls.”
Anakin turns to you, whatever you told Obi-wan he would go with because he just wanted to be around you wherever you went. “I think Anakin and I have to adjust, tomorrow night would be lovely though Obi-wan.”
“Yup, I’m down for tomorrow night.” Ahsoka adds. Obi-wan and Ahsoka leave the two of you alone and you half smile at Anakin.
The two of you walk around holding hands not saying anything really. Not for a while. But Anakin doesn’t mind. He’s found you and he would be happy sitting doing nothing with you forever if that’s what you wanted.
Once you’ve gotten to the park you look to Anakin, but continue walking. “You know I wasn’t dead the way you thought Anakin.”
“The chancellor said you died in childbirth.” Although he’s come to the realization that it also could have been one of the very many lies his former Dark Master told him.
You shake your head. “The grief took me more than anything.” Anakin remains silent to listen to you, a first for him really. “I survived the birth, but not for too long after.”
Anakin’s brows scrunch, confused by what you mean. Your Force presence was almost nonexistent or practically so as he couldn’t feel you at all. And lord knows he tried so hard.
“After the twins were born, I was going to take them back to Naboo. Padme offered her protection and had the perfect place where we could hide.” Your face contorts as you remember more and more of what you felt. “Obi-wan, Bail Organa, Master Yoda, and a few others sat me down not even a day after they were born.”
“Safe, the children must be kept.” Master Yoda stated.
You nodded in agreement as everyone else. “Padme Amidala has offered the twins and I a home where we could keep them safe from him.” Your heart ached to think that you would raise the kids without him.
However, as soon as you said this, everyone looked at you solemnly. Obi-wan spoke up. “The children will be strong with the Force the same way you and Anakin are. As they get older it will only increase. All of your Force signatures in one area will be sensed immediately by him.”
Yoda nods. “Decided together that separate, the children will be.”
Your face scrunches up and you’re immediately on the defensive. “No.” You state. “They’re my children. I’m their mother I can keep them safe the best. I- I promised.”
You wanted to keep them, they were yours and Anakin’s. And since he was not here to raise them with you, you would do it on your own.
Bail Organa pulled his chair closer and crossed his hands. “My wife and I would be honored to take in the girl as we have wanted a child for a long time.”
You shoot him a look. “Her name is Leia. And she’s not your child she’s mine. She’s mine and Anakin’s child. No one else’s.”
“Anakin is gone y/n.” Obi-wan says. “Please know we don’t want to take the kids away from you, but you all will never be safe if Anakin finds you.”
“That thing is not Anakin, Obi-wan. Don’t get it twisted.” You point out. No matter how much you fought you felt that you were losing this battle. You knew your kids would be talented in the way of the Force, but you just gave birth. Losing them would really mean losing everything you had left. “If I said yes, what would happen to Luke.”
“To his family on Tatooine, he must go.” Yoda says.
Obi-wan nods and places his hand atop of yours. “I will personally watch over him from afar until the time comes.”
You feel small for once in your life. You remember this feeling from your youngling days. “They’re my children.” You whisper. “But their safety will always come first. I’ll give them up.” You give in and it’s with a heavy heart that you do so.
After they dismissed, you walk into their temporary nursery and kneel by them having them hold your finger with their little hands. “I just want you two to know I’m not giving you up because I want to. I love you both so much, and my heart breaks knowing I cannot be with you.” You cry while your children just lay there innocently and unknowingly. “Know that your father loves you too, and I hope you can find him one day. You were all we ever wanted. And I’m sorry I failed you as a mother even before you were born.” Before leaving their nursery, you place two necklaces around them. Luke’s had your wedding band and Leia’s had Anakin’s wedding band.
When you left their room quietly you saw Obi-wan waiting for you. “You’re doing the best thing for them y/n.”
Your head shakes. “Please don’t act like you understand Obi-wan.”
“I’m not trying to.” He says. “I couldn’t imagine it, but I admire you and I want you to know that you’re a good mother, even though you feel like you don’t get to be one. They will know their mother, y/n.” You cry softly in Obi-wan’s shoulder for everything. For your children, for the republic, and for the husband that you lost.
Anakin didn’t know what to say. He was unaware of the grief he caused you even after the children were born. He assumed you passed on straightaway.
“A couple years later the Force took me.” You explain. “My grief was too immense. I had truly lost everything. My freedom, my friends, my children, and my husband.” Anakin cries silently, but he makes no move to have you realize that. “I’m surprised Obi-wan endured for so long, but if I had to guess, I would assume he was marred by the guilt of it all. You turning to the dark side, and me losing my children. He watched over Luke and Leia well. I hate to admit it but Bail and his wife were great parents to Leia.”
“Me turning to the dark side was no one’s fault but my own. My desire to keep everything from falling apart is what led everything to do exactly that.” Anakin is unable to say anything to take away from the pain of your past lives, but he wants you to know that he understands. “I’m sorry I left you to fend for yourself when I promised I would care for you and our children forever. I’m sorry I left you to grieve our life all alone. My body aches thinking of everything I did and I can’t undo any of it, but I want to make it right this time.”
“I hated you for a long time.” You reveal. “But that’s when I separated Anakin from Darth Vader. Anakin would have never done that. Palpatine took advantage of you, he manipulated you and your gift. He used your compassion against you. I know now. I love you Ani. I’ll love you in every single lifetime.”
Anakin stops and wraps his arms around you. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this second chance, but I thank the stars everyday for you and the children. I’ll love you forever I promise.”
The two of you have your moment together and sort through the years you two were apart. You listen to Anakin and how the years had passed for him. He thinks the guilt is what kept him alive as well. The two of you miss your kids dearly, but you know if the universe is kind enough, you’ll see them again one day.
You discuss your new lives as well, your parents and where your lives are heading. Anakin’s dreams of being a pilot, and yours of being a pediatrician. After getting back into real life you remember a key detail. “I have a boyfriend Ani.”
“Oh?” He asks. “Do you want to stay with him?”
He’s being serious and you decide to torment him a little. “We’ve been together for a while and I care about him a lot, I’m sorry Ani.” His body deflates and your laugh escapes you. “I’m kidding, oh my gosh.”
Anakin stares pointedly. “That wasn’t funny.”
“It was a little funny.” You snicker and Anakin turns away from you. “Cmon Ani, you can’t possibly believe I would choose anyone over you can you?” He just shrugs and pouts cutely the way you remember when you were children in the Jedi temple. “You’re the only one I’ll ever love like this Ani. I promise.”
He kisses your forehead tenderly. “I promise too. This time it’s forever.” He squeezes your hand.
“It was always forever,” you tease but he just rolls his eyes playfully before walking you back to your dorm room.
The two of you sort out your life together. You broke up with your boyfriend of two years. It was easy compared to everything else that you had done. It had come out of nowhere. You were quite happy with him, and for that to just change overnight... he had a hard time understanding. You felt terrible, but you would be doing a disservice to the both of you if you stayed. You would never love anyone the way you loved Anakin, and he deserved better than what you could give now.
The next day you all gathered at Obi-wan’s for dinner, Satine did not remember anything, Anakin and you came up with the theory that maybe only people who were Force sensitive could remember their life before. This proved to be more true as Anakin’s mother had no recollection of her past life and neither did your parents.
You and Anakin moved in together fairly quickly. When people asked you, you just said, “it’s just right for us.” But in reality, you and Anakin didn’t want to waste any more time apart. Your sorority sisters loved Anakin and Ahsoka would joke saying you two are her parents. Although, it did seem like that when you had to call Anakin a few times to help get his padawan home safely after a night out.
Life was blissfully perfect and this time, there really wasn’t anything going against the two of you. Anakin proposed after you graduated and of course you said yes. The two of you married a year later and all your friends and family attended. No one had ever seen two people more in love. Anakin loved you fiercer than he had in your previous life, as if you would disappear at any moment.
Two years later you surprised him yet again. Anakin had come home from work and saw you holding a puppy and a kitten on your living room floor. “Y/n...” he said cautiously.
“There was a litter of puppies and kittens that were in need of a home and I saw these two guys there. We can keep them right Ani?” Even if Anakin could say no to you, you wouldn’t follow it.
He squatted down to pet the two animals. “What are you thinking of naming them?”
“Well, this one,” you say holding up the puppy, “is super sweet and shy, and the kitty is very independent and brave. I was think Threepio for the puppy and Artoo for the kitty.”
Anakin is taken aback because he completely forgot about his droids. It would make sense that they would not be reborn since they weren’t real life forms, but the thought that they live on in your new pets sits perfectly with him. Anakin smiles your way petting the two animals. “I think that sounds perfect.”
You put the animals down and place your hands on your lap. “Plus I thought having animals around would be good so they can protect the babies when they get here.”
Your husband’s face pales. “The what?”
“The babies.” You giggle. “I’m pregnant Ani.” You pull out the test that was sitting behind you and show it to him.
He stares at it, not believing your words. “How do you know there’s two?”
You shrug. “I don’t, but I do hope that we get our kids again in this life.” Anakin tackles you softly so you’re both laying down on the floor.
“I’m so incredibly in love with you.” He whispers kissing your forehead. “We’re going to be happy y/n, I’m going to make sure of it.”
“Our perfect happy ending.” You smile into his kiss.
Just as you said, you gave birth to a boy and a girl, your Luke and Leia. Your husband cried harder than you had seen before. You were drowsy after pushing but you could hear some things he whispered to your kids.
“I promise you both that Daddy will protect you two and Mommy. Always, never doubt that I love you. Thank you for coming into our lives. You two are my greatest accomplishment.” You smile and close your eyes to get some much needed rest.
The two of you got to experience life together just as you had always wanted, and for once the galaxy didn’t depend on you two. The only people who needed you were Luke and Leia. You were both content with being their parents, you loved them immensely and made sure they never forgot it. You got your dream to be a Mother with Anakin by your side. And Anakin finally found you, and he would do it again in a heartbeat if this was his destiny.
A/N: I actually really liked this, and I hope you guys did too!
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