I just wanna shiftššš»š„š likreeeee I'm so fuckin tired of this reality bro i just can't do this anymore

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@lobotomyhusband
I just wanna shiftššš»š„š likreeeee I'm so fuckin tired of this reality bro i just can't do this anymore
i read your recent post and i have a doubt, the moment we decide it's ours and we stop trying, we live as if? but how does the as if look for someone who has never had anything in their lives without trying? something they have ingrained in themselves, and how does my routine change after deciding that i already have it? if i decide i am rich and i have money but i can't get a job and i am broke, how do i act after deciding that i'm rich when i don't even know how to pay for my next meal? i am new to manifesting and love your content btw ā„ļø
this is actually one of the most real questions someone can ask, so iām glad you did.
because ālive as ifā gets thrown around like itās obvious when for a lot of people, itās not.
especially if your whole life has been:
āif i donāt try, i donāt get.ā
so letās clear something up first āliving as ifā does NOT mean pretending youāre rich while ignoring the fact that you need to eat.
it doesnāt mean being delusional.
it doesnāt mean refusing to act in your current reality.
you still pay your bills.
you still look for a job.
you still take care of yourself.
nothing about that is āfailingā at manifestation.
the shift is internal, not performative.
people think āliving as ifā means
acting rich
spending money you donāt have
forcing confidence
walking around like a character
thatās not it.
thatās roleplay.
āliving as ifā is much quieter than that.
itās how do you think when youāre not panicking?
how do you respond when things donāt go your way?
what do you assume is possible for you?
for someone who has always had to struggle,
of course āhavingā feels unnatural.
because your baseline is
effort = survival
so when people say ājust relax into having it,ā
your brain goes ārelax? are you crazy? things fall apart when i relax.ā
so donāt jump straight to āiām rich, everything is perfectā
thatās too far from what your system is used to.
start here instead
not āiām richā
but āthings can start working out for me too.ā
not āi have unlimited moneyā
but āiām not always going to be stuck like this.ā
this is still āliving as ifā
just at a level your mind can actually hold.
and about your routine it doesnāt need to dramatically change.
you donāt wake up and suddenly act like a millionaire.
you wake up and maybe
you stop assuming everything will go wrong.
you stop spiraling at every inconvenience.
you stop telling yourself ānothing works for me.ā
for example youāre broke and need a job.
old state:
āthis is hopeless. i never get opportunities.ā
new state:
āi donāt know how yet, but something will open up.ā
then you still apply for jobs.
but youāre not applying from desperation.
youāre applying from expectation.
thatās the difference.
same action.
different identity.
āliving as ifā isnāt about changing your entire life overnight.
itās about not constantly reinforcing the version of you who has nothing.
and also this is important you donāt have to feel 100% secure to do this.
you can be scared,uncertain,tired etc.
and still choose to lean slightly differently.
so instead of asking āhow do i act like i have it?ā
ask āhow do i stop thinking like i never will?"
and over time, thatās what actually changes your reality.
not pretending.
but thinking, reacting, and expecting differently long enough that things begin to move.
you donāt need to become a completely different person overnight.
just stop reinforcing the same version of you,
again and againš·ļø
how do you not let the 3d reality affect you when all you want to do is disappear from this reality because here everyone is connected to everyone, i can't relate with people anymore i just want to disappear, i have never been happy here and i know i shouldn't let these thoughts get the best of me but the only thing that's keeping me alive is the idea that there's infinite realities where i can actually be whatever i want to be whoever i want to be with. i have been in this journey for more than a year now but my depression gets the best of me and i haven't been able to manifest anything 'big' or even anything that matters in my cr till now let alone my dr. please give some advice, would really appreciate it š¤
hey iām really glad you said this out loud.
and iām not gonna give you some detached ājust ignore the 3Dā answer because this isnāt just about manifestation anymore.
this is about you feeling disconnected, drained, and stuck somewhere that doesnāt feel like home.
and yeah that matters.
iām gonna say this gently but clearly
wanting to disappear ā wanting a new reality.
one comes from curiosity, expansion, āwhat else is possible?ā
the other comes from pain, exhaustion, āi canāt stay here anymore.ā
and right now? yours sounds like pain.
and listen youāre not weak for that. but building your entire hope on āi just need to get out of hereā will start to feel like a cage when it doesnāt happen instantly.
because then it turns into
āwhy am i still here?ā
āwhat am i doing wrong?"
and suddenly the thing that was comforting starts suffocating you.
and about ānot letting the 3D affect youā
be so real for a second of course it affects you.
youāre human.
you exist here.
you have memories, feelings, a whole history.
youāre not supposed to be some emotionless manifestation robot š
what people mean (and explain terribly) is
donāt let the 3D define who you are.
but that doesnāt mean
āignore your painā
or
āpretend everything is fineā
right now it kinda sounds like shifting/manifestation is the only thing keeping you going.
and i get it genuinely.
the idea that thereās more
that youāre not stuck like this forever
that there are versions of you who are happy, loved, living
yeah thatās comforting as hell.
but you also deserve to feel a little okay here too.
not perfect.
not amazing.
just less heavy.
and iām gonna push back on one thing (with love)
you said you havenāt manifested anything ābigā or that matters.
but youāre still here.
youāre still trying.
youāre still reaching out.
a part of you hasnāt given up.
and that matters more than any ābig manifestationā right now.
instead of jumping straight to
ānew reality, new life, everything differentā
try scaling it down.
not because you canāt have big things
but because your brain is already overwhelmed.
shift the goal from
āi need to escapeā
to
āi need to feel a little safer in my own head.ā
that can look like
ā finding one thing in your day that feels okay (not amazing, just okay)
ā letting yourself feel bad without turning it into āi need to disappearā
ā not forcing yourself to connect with people you donāt relate to
ā making small spaces where you feel like you (music, writing, online, anything)
you donāt have to love this reality.
hell, you donāt even have to like it.
but you canāt abandon yourself inside it.
and please read this part slowly if your thoughts are getting to the point where disappearing feels comforting, donāt handle that alone.
talk to someone if you can a friend, anyone you trust, even anonymously online or through support chats.
you donāt have to carry all of that by yourself.
youāre not stuck forever.
your life isnāt already decided.
but right now, the goal isnāt to force a huge shift overnight.
itās to make being here feel
just a little more bearable
while you figure things out.
you donāt need to disappear to become someone whoās okay.
you can start building that version of you slowly.
right here.
and youāre allowed to take it one step at a timeš·ļø
Honestly youre so funny dude ilysm (even your user is creative, like wdym lobotomized husband lol)
Also your manifestation advice and posts are chef kiss thank you king or queen or monarch š
STOPPP š not you clocking my username like that
ālobotomyhusbandā is literally a cry for help disguised as branding
but thank you sm šš«¶ that actually means a lot fr
iām just out here aggressively reminding people theyāre the problem (with love) and somehow itās resonating
also I'm a guy lol
How do I actually get my manifestation like does it take long to get your manifestation? Do I actually see results in the 3d? Please I really need to know everytime I try to manifest something new i literally give up 1 hour later
iām going to answer you honestly, not in the sugarcoated way people usually do.
youāre not āfailingā at manifestation.
youāre quitting before anything even has time to solidify.
one hour is not persistence. itās barely a decision.
youāre treating manifestation like a quick test
ālet me try this and see if it worksā
and the moment the 3D doesnāt instantly reflect it, you go
āyeahā¦... this isnāt workingā
and drop it.
of course youāre not seeing results.
youāre not holding anything long enough for it to become real to you.
letās clear something up first
yes, you do see results in the 3D.
thatās literally the point.
but the 3D is not instant.
it reflects what has been consistently held, not what was briefly entertained for an hour.
youāre asking
ādoes it take long?ā
the real answer is
it takes as long as it takes for your state to settle.
not your affirmations.
not your techniques.
your state.
if you say
āi have itā
and then 20 minutes later
āi donāt have itā
and then 10 minutes later
āmaybe itās workingā
and then
āno itās notā
youāre not manifesting.
youāre flipping between identities.
and the 3D has nothing consistent to reflect.
manifestation isnāt about how hard you try.
itās about how long you stay.
stay in the decision.
stay in the assumption.
stay in the version of you who already has it.
even when nothing is showing yet.
especially then.
right now your pattern looks like this
decide ā wait ā check ā panic ā quit
and you keep repeating it.
so you never actually reach the part where things shift.
you donāt need to do more.
you donāt need a better method.
you need to stop resetting yourself every hour.
hereās what it should look like instead
decide ā hold ā live ā let it unfold
thatās it.
and no, you donāt need to feel 100% confident.
you donāt need to believe perfectly.
you donāt need to eliminate every doubt.
you just need to stop dropping the assumption every time you feel uncomfortable.
because that discomfort?
thatās the old state losing grip.
and you keep running back to it.
so if you want actual results, start here pick one thing.
decide itās yours.
and stop checking every hour if it showed up yet.
live your life.
do what you need to do.
but internally?
donāt keep undoing your own decision.
because manifestation isnāt āi tried for an hour and nothing happenedā
itās about choosing something and not dropping it just because you canāt see it yet.
you donāt need more time.
you need more consistency.
and once that clicks, things start moving a lot faster than you expect.
let go of my clihā¦
You Want Proof Before Belief But Proof Only Comes After
this is the loop.
the quiet, invisible loop almost everyone gets stuck in when they start manifesting.
you say youāll believe when you see it.
you say youāll relax when it shows up.
you say youāll feel secure when thereās proof.
but manifestation doesnāt work in that order.
it never has
youāre waiting for the 3D to confirm something before you allow yourself to feel it.
before you allow yourself to settle into it.
before you allow yourself to be the version of you who already has it.
and that sounds logical.
it sounds reasonable.
it sounds safe.
because why would you believe something without evidence?
why would you feel secure when nothing has changed yet?
why would you trust something you canāt see?
thatās how youāve been taught to live.
proof first
belief second
but manifestation flips that completely.
belief first
proof second
and thatās the part you resist.
not because itās complicated.
but because it feels like stepping into something without a guarantee.
it feels like jumping into deep water before you know how far it goes, trusting youāll float.
and your mind hates that
your mind wants certainty
your mind wants confirmation
your mind wants something solid to hold onto before it commits.
so it keeps checking
keeps looking
keeps scanning your reality for evidence that things are changing.
and every time it doesnāt see immediate results, it panics.
āitās not working"
ānothing is happening"
āmaybe this isnāt real"
and just like that, you reset yourself.
you drop the belief.
you return to doubt.
you go back to waiting for proof.
this is why so many people stay stuck.
not because manifestation isnāt working.
but because they keep interrupting the process.
they plant the seed and then dig it up every few hours to check if itās growing.
and of course it never grows.
because itās never left alone long enough to take
root.
you have to understand something about belief.
belief is not something you wait to feel.
itās something you choose to hold, even when it feels unnatural.
especially when it feels unnatural.
because your current sense of ānaturalā is based on your past.
your past experiences
your past failures
your past patterns
so of course a new belief feels foreign.
of course it feels fake
of course it feels like youāre lying to yourself at first.
youāre stepping outside of what youāve practiced.
and anything unfamiliar will feel unstable.
that doesnāt mean itās wrong
it just means itās new
people think belief has to feel strong to work.
they think it has to feel unwavering.
perfect
certain
but thatās not true.
belief doesnāt need to be loud.
it doesnāt need to overpower every doubt.
it just needs to be consistent enough to stay.
you can doubt
you can question
you can have moments where it feels ridiculous.
and still choose to return to the belief.
over and over.
thatās what creates stability.
not perfection
but repetition
the problem is, most people donāt return.
they react.
something in the 3D doesnāt match what they want, and immediately
āsee? itās not happening.ā
they let the external world override the internal decision.
and thatās where the loop restarts.
proof ā belief ā doubt ā no proof ā more doubt.
over and over again
manifestation asks you to break that loop.
not by forcing yourself into delusion.
but by changing the order.
belief ā experience ā confirmation.
you decide first
you hold it
you stop looking for immediate evidence.
and slowly, reality begins to reflect it.
not instantly
not dramatically
btt gradually
subtly
inevitably
this is the part nobody likes.
the in-between.
the space where youāve decided something is yours, but you canāt see it yet.
the space where your old identity is still loud.
where your circumstances still look the same.
where your mind keeps asking
āare you sure?ā
this is where most people quit.
because this is where it requires faith.
not certainty
faith
and faith is uncomfortable.
faith means holding something without proof.
faith means trusting something before it makes sense.
faith means continuing even when you donāt have confirmation yet.
and no, you donāt have to feel confident all the time.
you donāt have to silence every negative thought.
you donāt have to be perfect.
you just have to stop giving proof the power to decide what you believe.
because the moment you do that, you hand control back to your circumstances.
and your circumstances are always a reflection of the past.
so you stay stuck in the same cycle.
think about it like this.
if you only believe something once it shows up, you are always living in reaction mode.
you are always behind
you are always waiting for reality to lead.
but if you decide first, you move differently.
you think differently
you react differently
you stop reinforcing the same patterns.
and thatās when things begin to shift.
people underestimate how much their reactions shape their experience.
the moment something goes wrong, they spiral.
they assume the worst.
they reinforce the idea that nothing works for them.
and that reaction becomes part of the pattern.
but when you hold belief first, even when things donāt look right, something changes.
you donāt collapse as easily.
you donāt attach meaning to every delay.
you donāt interpret every silence as failure.
you stay steady
and that steadiness creates space for a different outcome.
manifestation is not about forcing reality.
it's about stabilizing identity.
and identity is built on what you consistently believe about yourself and your life.
if you constantly need proof to believe, your identity will always depend on external conditions.
it will always be unstable
always shifting
always reacting
but if you learn to hold belief without immediate proof, your identity becomes steady.
grounded
self-directed
and thatās when reality begins to follow.
because hereās the truth people donāt like to hear.
you will not always have proof in the beginning.
you will not always see immediate results.
you will not always feel certain.
there will be moments where it feels like nothing is happening.
moments where your old thoughts come back.
moments where you question everything.
thatās normal
thatās part of the process
not a sign of failure
the difference between people who eventually see change and those who donāt is simple.
one group keeps returning to the belief.
the other keeps waiting for proof.
so ask yourself honestly.
are you leading with belief?
or are you waiting to be convinced?
because those are two completely different positions
one creates
the other reacts
you donāt need more signs.
you donāt need more confirmation.
you donāt need the 3D to prove anything to you.
you need to decide
and then keep deciding
even when itās quiet
even when itās slow
even when it feels like nothing is happening.
because proof doesnāt come first.
it comes after
it comes when belief has been held long enough to become natural
when the identity stabilizes
when the pattern shifts
when the loop is finally broken
until then, you have a choice
wait for proof and stay where you are.
or believe first and let reality catch up.
a simple xāy equation for manifestation
people overcomplicate manifestation like itās some otherworldly,unreachable thing.
so letās reduce it to math.
letās say
x = your identity (what you assume about yourself & life)
y = your reality (what you experience in the 3D)
now the pattern most people live in looks like this
y ā x
reality first. identity second.
something goes wrong ā āsee? my life never works out.ā
someone leaves ā āiām always the one who gets abandoned.ā
money is low ā āiām just broke.ā
You let y define x.
and then what happens?
the equation loops.
because once x is set as
āiām unluckyā
āiām always behindā
ānothing works for meā
then naturally
x ā y
identity produces more matching experiences.
so the loop becomes
y ā x ā y ā x ā y
same story. different day.
manifestation flips the equation.
you decide
x first.
not based on proof.
not based on current circumstances.
just a decision.
x =ālife works in my favor.ā
x = āeverything works out for me.ā
x = āi have everything i want"
and now instead of reacting to reality, you hold identity steady.
so when reality (y) doesnāt match yet
you donāt recalculate x.
you donāt go:
āoh wait, maybe iām still unlucky.ā
you hold the variable.
you keep x constant.
and over time?
y starts adjusting to match x.
this is where people mess up.
You treat identity like a temporary value.
You set
x = āiām successfulā
then one inconvenience happens and suddenly:
x = ānever mind, itās not workingā
you just changed the equation again.
of course the result stays the same.
manifestation isnāt magic.
itās consistency.
in math terms
stable input = predictable output
if x keeps changing, y canāt stabilize.
if x stays consistent, y eventually follows.
and no, this doesnāt mean ignoring your life.
you still solve problems.
you still take action.
you still exist in reality.
but internally?
you stop letting every external fluctuation rewrite your identity.
so the real question isnāt
āwhy isnāt my reality changing?ā
itās āam i keeping x constant, or am i recalculating every five minutes?ā
because the equation is always working.
youāre just deciding which variable leads.
I'm gonna hold your clih when i say this but YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT
I remember sometime in 2018 or 2019 I canāt even remember the exact year sitting with a notebook and writing a list of things I wished I could be reborn with if reincarnation was real.
Not in a dramatic way. It wasnāt some deep spiritual awakening. I was just tired of myself, I guess. Tired of the life I had. So I wrote down the features, the traits, the life I would want if I could start over.
At that time I didnāt know anything about subliminals.
I didnāt know about manifestation.
I didnāt know about the void state or shifting.
I just had this quiet thought in the back of my head
Maybe in another life I could be different.
That notebook was basically me designing a version of myself I thought I would never actually get to experience.
And then years later late 2022 I randomly discovered subliminals.
Then in 2023 I found manifestation.
Then shifting.
Then the void state.
All these concepts built around the exact thing I used to daydream about: becoming a different version of yourself. Picking characteristics. Choosing a life.
Sometimes when I think about that timeline it feels almost surreal.
Because back then I thought the only way I could ever have those things was through reincarnation. Like I had to die first and start over somewhere else.
And now there are entire communities talking about changing your life, your identity, your reality in this lifetime.
I donāt know if I āmanifestedā finding all of this. I donāt know if thatās the right word. But sometimes it really feels like I did.
Like the desire existed first.
And then somehow I stumbled into the language for it years later.
The weird part is that I still havenāt entered the void state.
I still havenāt shifted.
Technically nothing ābigā has happened yet.
But Iām still grateful I found out about all of this.
Because before that, the only story I had was
maybe in another life.
Now at least thereās a possibility that things can change here.
Even if it takes time.
Even if it takes longer than I expected.
Even if Iām still figuring it out.
Sometimes I think about what my life would look like if I never discovered any of this.
And honestly? I think I would still be that person writing in a notebook about a life I hoped I could live after I died.
So even if I havenāt āsucceededā yet, Iām still glad I know about it.
Because knowing the possibility exists already changed something in me.
Iām not waiting for another life anymore.
can we talk about procrastination in manifestation and shiftblr because nobody wants to admit that half of you fuckers are procrastinating your own power.
and i donāt mean procrastinating tasks.
i mean procrastinating being the person who already has the thing.
because look at how some of you move in these spaces.
day one:
āi decided. itās mine.ā
day two:
āmaybe i should read about the best manifestation method.ā
day three:
āmaybe my affirmations arenāt correct.ā
day four:
āmaybe i need a better script.ā
day five:
āmaybe the universe is testing me.ā
do you see whatās happening?
thatās not manifesting.
thatās spiritual procrastination.
youāre delaying the one thing that actually matters occupying the state of the person who already has it.
instead you stay forever between intention and action.
new method.
new subliminal.
new technique.
new explanation.
because preparing feels safer than deciding.
deciding is terrifying.
because the moment you truly decide something is yours, you lose the comfort of ātrying.ā
and a lot of you are addicted to trying.
trying gives you a role.
trying gives you community.
trying gives you endless content to consume.
but having?
having requires you to stop searching.
and that silence freaks people out.
so instead of embodying the state, people procrastinate it.
they keep researching.
keep analyzing.
keep tweaking the process.
because as long as youāre āworking on it,ā you donāt have to confront the uncomfortable question what if the only thing left to do is trust my decision?
and trusting yourself is way harder than repeating affirmations.
thatās the part you donāt want to hear.
you can script for three hours.
you can robotic affirm all night.
you can listen to subliminals while you sleep.
but if your internal identity is still āiām someone who is trying to get this,ā then thatās the state youāre reinforcing.
not the state of having.
the state of trying.
and trying is just socially acceptable procrastination.
because think about it.
if you truly accepted that your desire is done, what would you even do all day?
you wouldnāt be obsessively checking the 3D.
you wouldnāt be refreshing shifting tags.
you wouldnāt be hunting for angel numbers like a detective.
youād just live.
peacefully
simply
with certainty
and that certainty scares people.
because the ego wants movement.
it wants constant activity.
constant proof that something is happening.
but manifestation doesnāt require constant activity.
it requires state stability.
which often looks boring from the outside.
and boring is intolerable for an ego thatās used to chaos.
so people procrastinate the shift into certainty.
they keep themselves busy with techniques instead.
not because techniques are bad.
but because techniques become an excuse to avoid the real leap.
the leap into identity.
the leap where you stop saying
āiām manifesting this.ā
and start internally operating like
āi have everything in my life.ā
and that shift is subtle.
thereās no cinematic boom.
no cosmic announcement.
just a subtle moment where the chasing stops.
and for a lot of people that moment feels almost hard to sit with.
because if youāre not chasing anymore
who are you?
youāre no longer the seeker.
no longer the struggler.
no longer the person trying to āfigure it out.ā
youāre just someone who decided.
and now reality is rearranging itself around that decision.
but some of you never allow yourselves to reach that point.
You'll forever stay on the self-improvement treadmill.
always preparing.
always learning.
always calibrating.
always saying
āonce i perfect my method, then it will happen.ā
but methods arenāt the delay.
indecision is.
youāre not waiting for the manifestation.
youāre waiting to feel safe enough to believe itās already yours.
and until that happens, the mind will keep inventing new things to āwork on.ā
new affirmations.
new techniques.
new explanations.
anything except the simple, inconvenient act of settling into certainty
because certainty doesnāt feel like fireworks.
it feels like stillness.
and a lot of you donāt realize youāve been procrastinating that stillness for years.
hi :)
I just wanna say that your posts about shifting, specifically you expressing your doubts, have really made me consider a lot of things in my own shifting journey.
For the most part, I'm dropping LOA. I've tried it before and I have had successes with it, but for shifting specifically? I've just gotten a lot of back and forth. Empowerment when it briefly goes right, then self blame when it goes slightly left. It eats at me more than it helps me and just leaves my mind in a flurry of doubts and affirmations when I find I'm not in my dr.
I think I just realised through your posts that it makes things feel complicated for me, while I always believed shifting is something meant to be easy. I'm tired of fighting with it
I've started taking a different turn in my journey without LOA, and my mind is a lot more quiet. I still have some ways to go I feel, but everything feels simpler. I'm getting used to that feeling, very much a "I don't know where to put my hands" moment, but I'll get there.
Again, thanks, genuinely. It finally truly feels like I'm making my journey my own, in my own way, exactly how I want it to be. š
hey<3
this genuinely means a lot to read like really.
one of the reasons i started writing about my doubts in the first place was because the shifting / LOA spaces online can feel very all-or-nothing. either youāre completely convinced, completely positive, completely āin the stateā 24/7 or youāre doing something wrong. and that pressure can quietly eat at people.
so hearing that my posts helped you step back and actually look at your own relationship with it instead of just pushing harder makes me really happy. honestly what you described with LOA is something iāve seen happen to a lot of people. when it works for a moment it feels incredibly empowering like wow, i really do have control over my reality. but when things wobble even a little, the same framework can turn inward and become self-blame. suddenly every thought is suspicious. every feeling is āam i ruining it?ā every moment becomes monitoring your own mind and thatās fuckin exhausting. so if stepping away from that made your mind quieter, thatās not a step backwards at all.
sometimes quiet is exactly what people need after being in that constant loop of
affirm ā check ā doubt ā affirm again.
and the way you described the feeling that slightly awkward āi donāt know where to put my handsā kind of calm is actually really relatable. when you stop fighting with something thatās been taking up so much mental space, thereās this weird empty room feeling at first. like your brain doesnāt quite know what to do with the silence yet.but thatās also where things start to feel more yours.
no pressure to follow a specific method.
no pressure to interpret every thought.
no pressure to make your journey look like someone elseās.
just you figuring out what actually feels natural for your mind.and honestly, i think thatās the healthiest direction anyone can take with this kind of thing. not forcing yourself to believe a framework that stresses you out, but adjusting the path until it actually supports you instead of draining you.
so iām really glad you listened to yourself on that.it sounds like youāre giving your journey room to breathe again, and thatās a really good place to be even if it feels a little strange at first.
thank you for taking the time to tell me this too. it genuinely means a lot knowing the posts made someone pause and rethink things in a way that helped them.
wishing you a lot of success and clarity on your pathš·š
I'll only come back with a success story ššš»š šš„
chatgpt ahh lingo in your posts icl.
You can just call me Poopy Pants bro
I'm in fuckin barbados
I fuckin hate my life I hope a fuckin asteroid falls on my fuckin head
sometimes i genuinely wonder if manifestation / loa / shifting communities are just a really elaborate coping mechanism we all accidentally agreed to participate in.
like. be honest.
one day i'm convinced i'm the operant power. reality bends to assumption. consciousness creates everything. if i just persist hard enough i could literally rewrite my entire life.
the next day i wake up, look around my room, look at the same problems that have been sitting here for years, and it feels like i've been hallucinating hope this entire time.
and that thought is horrifying.
because if this is all fake if manifestation is just psychology and optimism dressed up in spiritual language then what was all that belief for?
all those nights affirming.
all those scripts.
all the posts about āthe 3d doesnāt matter.ā
all the times i told myself no, things are changing behind the scenes.
what if nothing was ever changing.
what if i've just been sitting in the same life, telling myself a story to make it tolerable.
sometimes it genuinely feels like collective delusion.
thousands of teenagers on the internet repeating the same phrases
ācircumstances donāt matter.ā
āpersist.ā
āitās already yours.ā
āyouāre in the wrong state.ā
and if it doesnāt work? well then you must have doubted. you must have reacted. you must have done something wrong internally.
which is convenient, because the belief system can never actually be falsified.
if it works, loa is real.
if it doesnāt work, itās still your fault.
and sometimes that realization makes my stomach drop.
because i donāt know which possibility is worse.
either reality is moldable and iām somehow still failing to change it after years of trying
or reality isnāt moldable and iāve been clinging to an illusion because the alternative was too depressing to accept.
both options hurt.
and then thereās the really ugly thought that shows up at like 2am
what if i'm just stuck here.
not temporarily stuck. not ācircumstances will shift soon.ā
i mean permanently stuck.
in this life.
in this version of myself.
in this timeline where nothing ever really works out the way i hoped.
and suddenly all the loa posts feel like glitter taped over a crack in the wall.
pretty comforting but still a crack.
people online talk about infinite realities and infinite possibilities and infinite versions of you living incredible lives.
but sometimes i look at my own reality and it feels painfully finite.
same environment.
same limitations.
same cycles.
and the hope that once kept me going starts feeling a little bit like a cruel joke.
because hope is dangerous when you're desperate.
hope makes you wait.
hope makes you endure.
hope makes you believe relief is right around the corner.
and if that relief never comes?
then youāre just a person who spent years believing in a miracle that never happened.
i donāt have a clean conclusion for this.
i donāt have a motivational ending where i suddenly say ābut everything will work out.ā
i just know that sometimes belief feels powerful and sometimes it feels like iāve been gaslighting myself for survival.
and maybe the scariest part is not knowing which one is true.