When I Go Down to Dreaming
by Apolloās Lover
from a location buried by gentle thunder
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When I go down to dreaming it will be like tonight. Like snow and rain and wind and wet hair. Donāt you remember? Like dark nights in winter when all the world is falling down on your face and it makes you laugh. Donāt you know the scent of everything collapsing? In that forsaken hour, it will be cold, because the sun has stepped out for a minute and I have no money for oil in its place. / Are you not also poor? / When I go down to dreaming it will be because I miss you. Miss forgetting to tell you the important things and making small talk instead. Donāt you remember? Miss the way you stand very straight like a soldier, like your hair, like the spine of a book before it has been broken. Donāt you love the sound of books spilling out their guts? In dusty pages, I will go down seeking you, and I will not come up satisfied. / Are you not also hungry? / When I go down to dreaming I will be far away. Far away where we eat bread and water, food pure enough even for prisons, the cages of sinners like us. Donāt you remember? Far away where the fireplace is not yet lit because we must not spite the cold, which is stronger than us. Have you not also learned to keep its memory? In the cold, I will go down dreaming and in the morning I will forget I loved you, will never have loved you, will not be me. / I will not be me.











