Why I think IGOR from Tyler the Creator (almost) perfectly tells the story of ivantill, especially from Ivan's perspective:
Disclaimer: this was originally for a friend I was texting to so the writing style may be a bit off, my bad. Also, this is just my personal interpretation, as I love to just smash my interests together a lot of the time (as a lover of multimedia), if there is anything here that you don’t agree with, feel free to speak your mind on my asks or comments!! ALSO also, I wrote this before I knew about most of the comics and sub songs so if there's anything I missed, that's probably the reason. ｡° ૮₍°´ᯅ`°₎ა °｡
So, we start the song off with a heavy synth before we hear breathing and the first lyrics
over and over again. since we are looking at it through the lense of alien stage, we'll interpret it that way instead of what the little bits and pieces of the album actually mean, so keep this in mind. so, back to the breathing and what the "one" could mean in ivan's case. it could mean that he's got a major priority in his head that's making his heart race and breath quicken, the synth further proving that importance. then we hear
"runnin' runnin'" and "got my eyes open"
which could mean that something he's seeing is something that's enlightened him in some way which is making him chase it. it repeats to make us feel his passion for whatever he's chasing for. it makes sense considering that he grew up in such a deplorable place and was used as a pet thereafter, demoting his humanity to stay alive which is a pretty horrifying life to live.
until he's met with...something that is different. emotional. real. the one, if you will. it could be the meteors he saw for the first time, far, wild and free or it could be who he associated the meteors with. that someone comes in-
"for real, for real this time"
... is what the song starts off with because in a world where everything is artificial, from the flowers to the clones to the very things keeping them alive, ivan is finally met with something real or someone real. someone who is real. passionate. he felt something passionate. for real this time. this is probably where we know who this person is, till! "you make my earth quake...your love be shakin me up and it's making my heart break" it sounds adorable from ivan's perspective. they've met, he's got a crush for the first time without even realising and he's feeling all these feelings that he's never felt before, especially for his young age but then we're met with:
"DON'T LEAVE, IT'S MY FAULT!"
wait, don't leave? why would ivan think that? what did he do? well, nothing yet. he's just been observing. maybe having small conversations here and there but nothing too insane and that's the problem. he has to do more to get more of till's attention and it's his fault for not initiating it so he has to make up for it by any means necessary. he has to be more attention grabbing. then carti's verse "so in love, so in love" further emphasizing how in love ivan is with till at this point. since he's felt something other than emptiness and dread. i hc him to not be the best at regulating his emotions so it makes sense for him to feel this intensely about someone who's just...different.
"i don't want no confrontation...and you don't want my conversation. i just need some confirmation on how you feel, for real"
this is ivan wanting to know if till feels this intensely about him. if they could have something together, if they could share this close bond with each other. that would be perfect considering how lonely ivan feels all the time with these feelings that he's never felt before. then the final lines of him begging for reassurance before the "i'll need-"
okay, now that we know who he's crushing on, we're now focusing on how they're relationship develops.
"i don't know where i'm going but i know what i'm showing"
he doesn't have much of a plan for the future but he knows damn well that till should be involved in it.
"man, i wish you would call me by your name 'cause i'm sorry"
man, he is pining behind that tree, wishing he could have his name called in a way that confirmed that he was till's, like the love stories that existed far before he was born (the lyric's reference to call me by your name, btw!).
"mess with t on-off..you drive me cuckoo and i cough"
could be a reference to how you have a crush with a friend and every little thing they do for you is a sign that they like you or a sign that they don't. for ivan, it's an escalation of that, he's falling hard with every little interaction that they have
"i think i'm falling in love, this time i think it's for real"
the first, or maybe the first few strong emotions he has felt in a very long time and he doesn't want to let it go for a second.
"i need your attention...i'm your puppet..."
again, going back to the fact that everywhere till goes, ivan follows just to observe till and get his attention.
one of my favourites and it's not even in the album, T-T but i digress.
"compliments to smiles, a light to sun. this feels natural, no substitute, not one."
this is what ivan idealises about their relationship. natural, comfortable, safe. nothing getting in the way.
"can't buy you the world but my time is yours"
time is its own love language and ivan is spending all of his time observing till and what he likes, what he does, almost like some sort of high when you see your crush online and checking up on what they're up to instead of focusing on what you have to be doing. then this off, disturbing ass beat just walks its way into the song to bring us back down to reality of ivan's obsession.
"say, say, aw, my heart is pumping now" "aw, we should be together"
this rather high-pitched and loopy singing (if i can call it that😭) is a reflection of how ivan's little crush is turning into an obsession that can't be controlled now. all he wants is to "be more than a friend, my heart's on the run. i wanna be your boyfriend, 'cause you are the one. i'm tryna be your boyfriend but it's damaging cause we the same."
he really wants to pursue this relationship with till but he can't because like ivan, till has a crush but not on him, on mizi. they both feel this intense love for someone who can't reciprocate. they are both sensitive people, they live in this messed up world that doesn't teach them what love is in the first place, they are the same in that sense and that's damaging. but ivan doesn't care in the slightest.
"i invested too much time[...]you need to read between the lines"
if only he could see how much time he put into observing and trying to interact with till, he would finally see that his intense feelings for mizi could be directed towards him. it's only fair, he's spent TOO MUCH TIME doing so.
"guessin' don't be guessin'"
it's kind of a guessing game. its so frustrating because ivan can't word his feelings out to till, therefore till doesn't really read between the lines of his actions, he's just guessing. but ivan still tries to show his love through his actions...
EXACTLY WHAT YOU RUN FROM, YOU END UP CHASING:
when ivan helps till escape the garden, till wants to go back to stay with mizi. he can't just leave her there, he loves her and he can't leave without his motivation to keep on living. so he runs back to the garden, their prison...and ivan follows. chasing the very thing he just ran away from because he can't leave till, his only motivation to keep on living in this dystopia.
"you can't avoid, but just keep chasing it and just trying"
callback to who ivan was before till, devoid of feeling any emotion for survival's sake, now he's doing everything he can to chase his love for till obsessively. and he better chase fast because he knows that he's-
this isn't just any dystopia. this is alien stage. they are in training to sing to the death. ofc ivan would be worried that his time with till is limited.
"i've been running out of spells to make you love me"
not some voodoo magic, obviously but talking hasn't worked, observing hasn't worked, beating him only grabbed his attention but with a lot of disturbance rather that love. he's still in love with mizi and not ivan.
"i wade in your water, your waves wash over me, i drift to the deep end. don't save, don't save...ive found peace in drowning"
despite his unrequited love, he'd rather stay in that obsessive state than move on with his life because it's the only thing keeping him alive as well as foreshadowing his sacrifice, finding peace in dying for his love.
"so take your mask off, i need her out the picture"
basically him saying that mizi is not right for till, he is. get her out the picture of his mind so that ivan can fill in that space.
"stop lyin to yourself, i know the real you"
the real till is compatible with ivan, at least, that's what ivan thinks and he's not going to let that go anytime soon and will continue to go down this dark path.
this is like the ultimate fear of rejection that im sure ivan feels because one thing about till, if i am correct, is that he never really says anything about cutting ivan off completely. not an outright "i don't want to talk to you" or stuff like that so any sort of confirmation of ending things would absolutely destroy a chance with him, like a messed up situationship that's hella one sided from a certain perspective. till is also dangerous for ivan because ivan would do anything for him. he went back in captivity for him, he died for him.
"i know you the worst for me. boy, you sweet as sugar, diabetic to the first degree"
the difference with him is that he probably doesn't know how bad this obsession is for him to its fullest extent but it's the only thing that makes him feel any sort of happiness and excitement so he's honestly just happy to get diabetes if it meant that it would make him happy or, in his case, die!
the comforting melody with this song is what makes it so fucking sad to me. you have ivan, doing everything he can to make till love him and we have till who won't even reciprocate the same way because he doesn't feel that aching desire for him.
"i want your company, i need your company. i want you to want for me...it's so complex to me"
he wants till to love him for HIS sake, it doesn't make sense to him at all. all of this is so complex.
"what do you need?[...]i could wrap this up and get the fuck away instead[...]i do not have self-control, i am startin to wonder, is this my free will or yours? i'm your puppet, you control me"
ffs, till isn't doing this intentionally, we know that but with every action till makes, ivan follows like some sort of symbiotic relationship that's becoming parasitic. for who? that's for you to decide through this song.
the melody then shifts to this disturbing, slow "la la la la". it just emphasises and maybe even foreshadows the tragedy of these two. "cut me loose"
and round 6 wouldn't be as tragic but we know what option ivan chooses and as a result, round 6 is tragic.
this beat is pretty upbeat but the lyrics tell another story.
"a bird gon leave the nest, you're so chromatic, at least i had it instead of never"
i feel like this is pre-round 6, where ivan is beginning to come to terms with the fact that till doesn't see him the way that he does.
"whether it's rain or shine, know i'm fine for now[...]or maybe it's just a dream that i can't seem to wake up from. my love's gone. gone, gone, gone."
we know that he hasn't fallen out of love for till but he's accepted the fact that his love won't be reciprocal.
"you kept me going, the band-aid is falling off now[...]going, and now i'm scarred for life"
how ironic is it that ivan's main reason for living was the same reason that killed him. that scar literally killed him because he'd rather die than live without till and is happy for what little they had together. it was never meant to be but despite all of it he says-
this one is gonna bring back your depression so you have been warned, lol.
"i hate wasted potential[...]it crushes your soul"
during round 6, ivan sees how little till has committed into winning and he hates seeing him so miserable. he has so much more fight to give and life to live, unlike him. he wants till to survive, to be happy, to make it out, even if it means that he won't make it out himself.
"thank you for the love, thank you for the heart, there'll never be a lonely lonely night again. thank you for the love, thank you for the joy but i don't ever wanna fall in love again."
the saddest part of this entire album. he feels grateful for all the times he spent with till, all the emotions he felt, all the hope till brought to him. he's grateful for all the interactions they had, good and bad, grateful that till existed in his life to begin with. when he makes his choice to sacrifice himself, he's run out of time to make till love him but at that point, it didn't matter. it's better to be happy with what he had rather than focusing what he didn't. that's why you see a genuine smile on his face as he bleeds out, even though he's afraid of death. he can die, even till ends up never loving him, even if till hates him, he can die with that. he was just happy to know till for who he is.
"thank you for your love, thank you for the joy, thank you for the time, thank you for your mind". thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions. "... i don't ever wanna fall in love again"
I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE:
the other songs after these ones are just filled with some much grief from the perspective of ivantill: walk with me for a sec. you got this slow beat, cold even. i feel like we're finally getting to see ivan's obsession through till's perspective, especially with how till thinks ivan feels about him
"heavy feelings for you...it's not secret...i won't walk around with my head down like i got beat up"
till knows that ivan loved him some way but couldn't show it properly up until this point, also the fact that he would rather die than live without till.
"I ain't tryna keep up, because i don't love you anymore"
how cold, right? colder than ivan's dead body. this has a double meaning to me: first, ivan can't love till anymore because...he's dead and till has to live with that for the rest of his life. second, the hallulus that he gets of ivan are far meaner than who he actually was. tyler's voice singing that part is high-pithed and petty, like it's out of spite for not loving him back. i think that's how till saw ivan in some way. he had chance and he blew it.
"you wasted my time and i know that these things are hard"
a mix between till almost knowing how much effort ivan put to make till notice him and the fact that ivan has some understanding of why till couldn't recognise that at the time.
"what now? movin on but how? somethin put my feelings in the lost and found. now i'm stuck forever and ever and ever...tell me where to go, can i have my heart back?"
this is probably till dealing with the aftermath of ivan's death, now grieving the time he didn't appreciate with him. now, he's feeling the feelings when it's far too late.
"but this might just be better for us you, you kn-"
the possibility of ivan's death or just them not being together being better for the both of them in the long run is such a foreign reminder of how twisted their love for each other is, that the sentence just cuts of there. it feels unprocessed and unacceptable. sure, i believe that till won't feel the exact same way that ivan did for him but he does feel more appreciatative towards ivan's actions but it's too late. how tf can you move on from that?
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