Lola @lolahatesboston - Tumblr Blog

intro post <3

name: lola

likes: renee rapp, lana del rey, Hailee steinfeld, yellowjackets, movies, jackieshauna, black swan, lily rose depp, the v1rgin su1cides, radiohead, neutral milk hotel, mars argo, girl interrupted, glee, pitch perfect, courtney eaton, ella purnell, sophie nelisse and so much more

info abt me: im a minor, australian and lesbian

im OBSESSED with diet coke/coke no sugar. i have literally like 5 a day i cannot stop.

my letterboxd top 4: parachute, jennifers body, we live in time and obsession

top 4 books: the v1rgin su1cides, the seven husbamds of evelyn hugo and girl interrupted.

socials !!

letterboxd: lolam1404

airbuds: lolzmusic

tiktok: Iluvla__

insta: Lolamarr__

discord: lolamarr__

#intro post #pinned intro #introductory post #blog intro #introduction

yapping abt my lesbian "is it casual?" situationship

you dont have to read this whole thing but if u do i hope u enjoy my emotional rollercoaster

okay ugh so shes so beautiful and makes me feel so seen and understood and i see her all the time because we go to school together and have simmilar social circles and are in the theatre department at our school. and at every party weve been to that were both at we have kissed and at one party we were literally making out all night only for her to tell me she feels like shes "leading me on". the next two parties after this she keeps kissing me btw. and then were at a party, we kiss again, she tells me im the reason she broke up with her boyfriend, then 20 mins later shes kissing a guy (shes bisexual). that guy is one of my friends and KNEW I LIKED HER. so obviously im hella upset because wtf? like an hour later im visably upset and she tries to ask why im upset (pretty fucking obvious why) but i tell her im fine and we leave it there. she leaves the party early and the party ends a few hours later. two days later its school and im talking abt this whole situation with my friends when one of my friends tells me that at the party, after the girl i like left, the guy she kissed was texting her saying i was jealous of them and saying all this shit. so im pissed. that day after school the guy she kissed texted me apologising bcs he knew i liked her and he was my friend and its fucked up to kiss the girl your friend likes. we had a long convo and i told him if he genuinely likes her he can move forward with her. i told him im happy as long as the girl i like is happy. then a few hours later the girl i like texted me to "clear things up" and she basically told me she knew i liked her and told me that she only sees me as a friend but she really does value my friendship and doesnt want to lose me as a friend. i tell her its okay and that i just need to move on from her. the next few weeks at school are very awkward around her and the guy but slowly me and the girl i like start talking again. obviously im not over her because how could i be over a girl so perfect in just a week and a bit? but i digress. we end up at a party again and were all very drunk and hanging out. im talking to the girl i like a LOT and she says multiple times throughout the night that she wants to kiss me but she cant. she says it so many times that it starts really bugging me because what does that mean??? why cant you??? why do you want to??? and eventually me and her end up drunkingly dueting seventeen from heathers at karaoke (something we did the first night we madeout). and after the song she kissed me. we talk again and she starts saying she wants to kiss me but she cant again, this time, i ask why she cant. she says her best friends name. her best friend has had a crush on me this whole time and she knew since the start of this whole situation. me and the girl i like end up having a long drunken conversation where she tells me that "as much as she wishes she could" she cant be with me and tells me that i will find someone who can be that person but its not going to be her. idk how when even drunk she sounded so poetic when telling me this. as much as it absolutely crushed me to hear, the conversation gave me so much needed closure (however there r still questions i want answered). during the conversation i started crying because im drunk and just got rejected by i girl i think i was beginning to fall in love with. and all the girl i like did in that moment was cup my cheek, wipe my tears, and tell me that im worthy of love and that shes sorry she cant be my person. shes genuinely the sweetest what the fuck. but the convo ended there, the party went on and we hung out like usual. towards the end of the night though i did pull her aside just to ask that things are normal at school and that she will still be my friend and be normal around me. she obviously agreed.

also just wanna add that me and her mutually have told eachother how we feel like we both really understand eachother well and we both really see eachother. and i do wanna add that there was a lot more to the story, like things she said to me that made me and all my friends thinks she liked me. but nevertheless i genuinely adore this girl and while she will be crushing to get over because i havent felt feelings this deep for anyone since a breakup with a girlfriend a year and a half ago, shes also one of the best people ive ever met and if i cant have her as a lover i need her in my life one way or another and can accept just being friends. though i dont know if i will ever truely get over her, im fine as long as shes happy.

ok hope you guys enjoyed the yap if you actually read it all

#is it casual now?#situationships #wlw yearning #lesbian yearning #wlw #casual #parties