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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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oozey mess
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@lolainslacks
— Nizar Qabbani, ‘What Love Can Do’, from Arabian Love Poems: Full Arabic and English Texts (via lunamonchtuna)
The Apparition (1876), Gustave Moreau
The Times of the Day, Alphonse Maria Mucha
John Keats, from a letter to Fanny Brawne, featured in The Selected Letters of John Keats
Franz Kafka, from a letter to Milena Jesenka featured in "Letters to Milena,
It’s not about romanticizing the mundane but about being receptive to the beauty that’s already there. The mundane isn’t void of meaning or romanticism; it’s rich with stories waiting to be uncovered and retold, beauty waiting to be seen and acknowledged — a flicker of sunlight on a windowsill, a stranger's smile in passing, the muffled music from your neighbors through the wall, the way steam rises from a cup of tea. Yet, to see it requires more than just looking — it asks for a surrender, a willingness to let go of cynicism and to meet the world on its own terms. Perhaps this is where the art of living begins — not in searching for grand happenings but in learning to embrace the quiet magic of what’s already in front of us. The extraordinary doesn’t need to be created; it has always been there, nestled within the folds of the ordinary, waiting patiently to be seen.
interlinked
T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land
Atlas and the Hesperides by John Singer Sargent (1921)
“It’s blasphemous to build so much on another person, and that’s why the fear starts to converge around the foundation, but it’s not so much the fear about you as the fear that such constructions are dared at all. And that’s also why your lovely human face has so much of the divine (although it was probably there to begin with).”
— Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
Misty oaks. Crane Creek Regional Park by alice cummings
Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.
Arepo built a temple in his field, a humble thing, some stones stacked up to make a cairn, and two days later a god moved in.
“Hope you’re a harvest god,” Arepo said, and set up an altar and burnt two stalks of wheat. “It’d be nice, you know.” He looked down at the ash smeared on the stone, the rocks all laid askew, and coughed and scratched his head. “I know it’s not much,” he said, his straw hat in his hands. “But - I’ll do what I can. It’d be nice to think there’s a god looking after me.”
The next day he left a pair of figs, the day after that he spent ten minutes of his morning seated by the temple in prayer. On the third day, the god spoke up.
“You should go to a temple in the city,” the god said. Its voice was like the rustling of the wheat, like the squeaks of fieldmice running through the grass. “A real temple. A good one. Get some real gods to bless you. I’m no one much myself, but I might be able to put in a good word?” It plucked a leaf from a tree and sighed. “I mean, not to be rude. I like this temple. It’s cozy enough. The worship’s been nice. But you can’t honestly believe that any of this is going to bring you anything.”
“This is more than I was expecting when I built it,” Arepo said, laying down his scythe and lowering himself to the ground. “Tell me, what sort of god are you anyway?”
“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said. “The worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth. I’m a god of a dozen different nothings, scraps that lead to rot, momentary glimpses. A change in the air, and then it’s gone.”
The god heaved another sigh. “There’s no point in worship in that, not like War, or the Harvest, or the Storm. Save your prayers for the things beyond your control, good farmer. You’re so tiny in the world. So vulnerable. Best to pray to a greater thing than me.”
Arepo plucked a stalk of wheat and flattened it between his teeth. “I like this sort of worship fine,” he said. “So if you don’t mind, I think I’ll continue.”
“Do what you will,” said the god, and withdrew deeper into the stones. “But don’t say I never warned you otherwise.”
Arepo would say a prayer before the morning’s work, and he and the god contemplated the trees in silence. Days passed like that, and weeks, and then the Storm rolled in, black and bold and blustering. It flooded Arepo’s fields, shook the tiles from his roof, smote his olive tree and set it to cinder. The next day, Arepo and his sons walked among the wheat, salvaging what they could. The little temple had been strewn across the field, and so when the work was done for the day, Arepo gathered the stones and pieced them back together.
“Useless work,” the god whispered, but came creeping back inside the temple regardless. “There wasn’t a thing I could do to spare you this.”
“We’ll be fine,” Arepo said. “The storm’s blown over. We’ll rebuild. Don’t have much of an offering for today,” he said, and laid down some ruined wheat, “but I think I’ll shore up this thing’s foundations tomorrow, how about that?”
The god rattled around in the temple and sighed.
A year passed, and then another. The temple had layered walls of stones, a roof of woven twigs. Arepo’s neighbors chuckled as they passed it. Some of their children left fruit and flowers. And then the Harvest failed, the gods withdrew their bounty. In Arepo’s field the wheat sprouted thin and brittle. People wailed and tore their robes, slaughtered lambs and spilled their blood, looked upon the ground with haunted eyes and went to bed hungry. Arepo came and sat by the temple, the flowers wilted now, the fruit shriveled nubs, Arepo’s ribs showing through his chest, his hands still shaking, and murmured out a prayer.
“There is nothing here for you,” said the god, hudding in the dark. “There is nothing I can do. There is nothing to be done.” It shivered, and spat out its words. “What is this temple but another burden to you?”
“We -” Arepo said, and his voice wavered. “So it’s a lean year,” he said. “We’ve gone through this before, we’ll get through this again. So we’re hungry,” he said. “We’ve still got each other, don’t we? And a lot of people prayed to other gods, but it didn’t protect them from this. No,” he said, and shook his head, and laid down some shriveled weeds on the altar. “No, I think I like our arrangement fine.”
“There will come worse,” said the god, from the hollows of the stone. “And there will be nothing I can do to save you.”
The years passed. Arepo rested a wrinkled hand upon the temple of stone and some days spent an hour there, lost in contemplation with the god.
And one fateful day, from across the wine-dark seas, came War.
Arepo came stumbling to his temple now, his hand pressed against his gut, anointing the holy site with his blood. Behind him, his wheat fields burned, and the bones burned black in them. He came crawling on his knees to a temple of hewed stone, and the god rushed out to meet him.
“I could not save them,” said the god, its voice a low wail. “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.” The leaves fell burning from the trees, a soft slow rain of ash. “I have done nothing! All these years, and I have done nothing for you!”
“Shush,” Arepo said, tasting his own blood, his vision blurring. He propped himself up against the temple, forehead pressed against the stone in prayer. “Tell me,” he mumbled. “Tell me again. What sort of god are you?”
“I -” said the god, and reached out, cradling Arepo’s head, and closed its eyes and spoke.
“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said, and conjured up the image of them. “The worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth.” Arepo’s lips parted in a smile.
“I am the god of a dozen different nothings,” it said. “The petals in bloom that lead to rot, the momentary glimpses. A change in the air -” Its voice broke, and it wept. “Before it’s gone.”
“Beautiful,” Arepo said, his blood staining the stones, seeping into the earth. “All of them. They were all so beautiful.”
And as the fields burned and the smoke blotted out the sun, as men were trodden in the press and bloody War raged on, as the heavens let loose their wrath upon the earth, Arepo the sower lay down in his humble temple, his head sheltered by the stones, and returned home to his god.
Sora found the temple with the bones within it, the roof falling in upon them.
“Oh, poor god,” she said, “With no-one to bury your last priest.” Then she paused, because she was from far away. “Or is this how the dead are honored here?” The god roused from its contemplation.
“His name was Arepo,” it said, “He was a sower.”
Sora startled, a little, because she had never before heard the voice of a god. “How can I honor him?” She asked.
“Bury him,” the god said, “Beneath my altar.”
“All right,” Sora said, and went to fetch her shovel.
“Wait,” the god said when she got back and began collecting the bones from among the broken twigs and fallen leaves. She laid them out on a roll of undyed wool, the only cloth she had. “Wait,” the god said, “I cannot do anything for you. I am not a god of anything useful.”
Sora sat back on her heels and looked at the altar to listen to the god.
“When the Storm came and destroyed his wheat, I could not save it,” the god said, “When the Harvest failed and he was hungry, I could not feed him. When War came,” the god’s voice faltered. “When War came, I could not protect him. He came bleeding from the battle to die in my arms.” Sora looked down again at the bones.
“I think you are the god of something very useful,” she said.
“What?” the god asked.
Sora carefully lifted the skull onto the cloth. “You are the god of Arepo.”
Generations passed. The village recovered from its tragedies—homes rebuilt, gardens re-planted, wounds healed. The old man who once lived on the hill and spoke to stone and rubble had long since been forgotten, but the temple stood in his name. Most believed it to be empty, as the god who resided there long ago had fallen silent. Yet, any who passed the decaying shrine felt an ache in their hearts, as though mourning for a lost friend. The cold that seeped from the temple entrance laid their spirits low, and warded off any potential visitors, save for the rare and especially oblivious children who would leave tiny clusters of pink and white flowers that they picked from the surrounding meadow.
The god sat in his peaceful home, staring out at the distant road, to pedestrians, workhorses, and carriages, raining leaves that swirled around bustling feet. How long had it been? The world had progressed without him, for he knew there was no help to be given. The world must be a cruel place, that even the useful gods have abandoned, if farms can flood, harvests can run barren, and homes can burn, he thought.
He had come to understand that humans are senseless creatures, who would pray to a god that cannot grant wishes or bless upon them good fortune. Who would maintain a temple and bring offerings with nothing in return. Who would share their company and meditate with such a fruitless deity. Who would bury a stranger without the hope for profit. What bizarre, futile kindness they had wasted on him. What wonderful, foolish, virtuous, hopeless creatures, humans were.
So he painted the sunset with yellow leaves, enticed the worms to dance in their soil, flourished the boundary between forest and field with blossoms and berries, christened the air with a biting cold before winter came, ripened the apples with crisp, red freckles to break under sinking teeth, and a dozen other nothings, in memory of the man who once praised the god’s work on his dying breath.
“Hello, God of Every Humble Beauty in the World,” called a familiar voice.
The squinting corners of the god’s eyes wept down onto curled lips. “Arepo,” he whispered, for his voice was hoarse from its hundred-year mutism.
“I am the god of devotion, of small kindnesses, of unbreakable bonds. I am the god of selfless, unconditional love, of everlasting friendships, and trust,” Arepo avowed, soothing the other with every word.
“That’s wonderful, Arepo,” he responded between tears, “I’m so happy for you—such a powerful figure will certainly need a grand temple. Will you leave to the city to gather more worshippers? You’ll be adored by all.”
“No,” Arepo smiled.
“Farther than that, to the capitol, then? Thank you for visiting here before your departure.”
“No, I will not go there, either,” Arepo shook his head and chuckled.
“Farther still? What ambitious goals, you must have. There is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed, though,” the elder god continued.
“Actually,” interrupted Arepo, “I’d like to stay here, if you’ll have me.”
The other god was struck speechless. “…. Why would you want to live here?”
“I am the god of unbreakable bonds and everlasting friendships. And you are the god of Arepo.”
… and a folk story was born???
This quite literally brought tears to my eyes /pos. I highly recommend reading this if you haven’t already.
Every once in a while I find myself thinking back to this post. How nice it would be to be able to incorporate something similar into my own (as-of-yet not even outlined) story.
@rbhvleo // roberto ferri // mothering by ainslie hogarth // rainer maria rilke // ? // planet of love by richard siken // a self portrait in letters by anne sexton // indian summer by ron hicks
I will love you like this:
I think, during my last moments, decades from now, when the sun has gotten hotter and the Earth has started melting like ice cream left out for too long, I will close my eyes and dream of you. I think, even then, after robots have grown to mimic the sound of your voice and after acting has gone out of perpetual style, I will plug in a USB of the old episodes I saved - just to watch you again. And I think, after the air becomes uninhabitable and the trees turn purple and the world goes black, I will still remember the way Prometheus put the oceans into your eyes. Surely, one day, you will know of all the ways in which I love you; but right now you’re none the wiser. Let me rectify that, if I am able. Let me tell you, plainly, that I love you. And let me tell you, unplainly, that I will love you no matter what.
No matter the distance. Or the time. Or the circumstances that get in the way. No matter the outcome of all this and no matter whatever anticlimax that may come about. I will love you no matter what the future holds - and if it doesn’t hold anything, and will instead crumble to the ground grasping for a straw or a blade of grass; well I will love you then too.
And I will love you no matter the popularity you gain, and no matter the amount of drama you get pulled into. And I will love you even if the drama finds you - or even if you cause it yourself.
I will love you if the media stays on your side or shifts toward a different opinion. And I will love you even if your career crumbles because of it or if it instead fades into a quiet thing of the past. I will love you if you give up acting. And if you take up painting. Or writing. Or designing your own clothing. And I will love you even if you decide to do none of that and would prefer to spend the rest of your life in a quiet cottage alone. Or with him.
And I will love you if you marry him. I will love you if you have a beautiful big wedding or a beautiful small wedding and I will love you if your dress is the traditional white- or if you step out of the box and wear some other creative color. And I will love you if you don’t wear a dress at all. I will love you if you wear a suit instead and I will love you if the two of you match and I will love you if you do none of that and wear no dress and no suit and decide never to marry him at all. I will love you if you marry someone else instead. I will love you if you have a change of heart. I will love you if you have children with either of whoever. And I will love you if you choose to adopt. And I will love you if you don’t want marriage and if you don’t want children and if you don’t want to adopt and if you’d rather die beside friends, family, and a menagerie of pets. I will love you if you don’t really like cats. And I will love you even if you can’t appreciate the acquired scent of a ferret.
And I will love you even though we are different. And I will love you because of the differences. And I will love you despite the differences. And despite the rifts said differences may cause between us. I will love you if there never is an ‘us’. I will love you if there never comes to be more than this. I will love you even though I am young. I will love you even though you are older. I will love you even though it is impossible to say so. And I will love you despite the impossibility of it all. And I will love you despite the recklessness of it all. And I will love you despite the pain. And the ache. And the missing. And I will love you even if I must miss you for the rest of my life. And if somehow I know you one day, then I will love you then too. I will love you even if your laugh is not as loud and boisterous as it seems. And I will love you if you’re a quiet person at heart. And I will love you if you can’t stand silence and I will love you if you can’t stand noise. And I will love you if you talk to me forever. And I will love you if we never exchange a single word.
I will love you if I never meet you. And if I never know you. And I will love you if you never meet or know me either. And I will love you if we meet all the time and see each other every Friday. I will love you until Friday isn’t a word anymore, and until the universe itself resets, and until the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies collide. I’ll love you past that, as well. Until we’re all swallowed by a black hole or by the sun’s implosion. I will love you through the heat of sweltering days and through the chill of winter’s deep-freeze. I will love you when the weather is nice, and when everyone is kind to each other, and I will love you if Summer is your favorite season and if you can’t stand the cold that Autumn brings. I will love you if Spring spells out your name. And I will love you if you hate the sound of rain and can’t help but flinch when lightning strikes.
I will love you through those storms. And through those evenings. And those days. And I will love you during every minute, and every second, and every millisecond that spans between the minutes and every milli-minute that spans between the hours. I will love you until all such hours melt into years and eventually into decades, and past the point of centuries.
And I will love you if you’re in Japan. Or Milan. Or even South Africa. And I will love you if you wear silk. Or velvet. Or satin. Or even some odd combination of cotton and tulle. And I will love you if you never wear designer clothing ever again - and if you never step foot on another runway - and if you decide to dedicate the rest of your life to sweatpants and hoodies.
And if somehow I die before you, before all of that, then I will love you from beyond the grave. I will love you from beyond the rot. And beyond the veil of death. I will love you no matter where I am; behind silver gates or behind fire and eternal damnation. I will love you even if I am set aflame, and if you greet the clouds of the silver city after your own death. I will love you if you go first and if I stay alive and I will love you so hard then that you will consume me entirely.
I will love you even after all of that as well.
And if the cure for death is somehow found, and we all get to live forever, I will love you until Armageddon takes us away. I will love you into my thirties and I will love you into old age. I will love you if I lose it all and I will love you if I gain everything I’ve ever wanted.
I will love you if I never grow out of this phase, and I will love you if I surpass my own expectations- as high as they are. And I will love you if you don’t do the same, and if you shrivel up instead, and become a hollow shell of yourself. I will love you if life turns sour and if the days get gloomy and if the nights get lonely and all you can do is cry. I will love you while you cry. I will love you while you laugh. I will love you while you scream and while you shout and I will love you while you mourn and grieve and explode in joy. I will love you if you never feel joy again. And I will love you if you feel joy every moment of every day. I will love you even if you find that that doesn’t feel fulfilling enough, and if you start yearning for sadness again. And I will love you through that sadness.
And I will love you through the madness. And the horror. And the terror of the world. And I will love you through the poisoning of the oceans and through the deforestation of Earth. And I will love you despite the fact that it’s all burning. And despite the fact that nothing matters. And if it turns out that that’s wrong, and that everything does matter in the end, then I will love you at the end. And the beginning. And the middle. And the prologue. And the epilogue. And I will love you at the table of contents and the glossary and even at the works cited.
I will love you no matter what happens.
I will love you no matter who dies first.
I will love you even if I think I don’t love you.
Because that’s not possible.
And we both know I love you despite that, too.
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- Rip x
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