I’m thinking about breaking this up into two parts so I can also cover her return to the basketball court.
Bonded: In which two sisters who had the sports world at their fingertips must adjust after injuries no one expected. One sister is hell bent on making sure that the other doesn’t go down the dark path she did, while the other wants reassurance that’ll she’ll be the same player when she returns to the court.
Bonded: A JuJu Watkins Mini Series
It had been two weeks since the big blowout and both girls were feeling it. It was in the way they moved throughout their everyday life. It was in the way that they breathed differently without the other. Judea wasn’t as focused on her rehab and Toriah had become a recluse. She had a been a royal pain in her families ass for six years now and she didn’t know how to face them after her drunken actions. Her phone vibrated on the coffee table and she spared it a glance. Seeing it was her father, she answered it.
“I just wanted to check on you. It’s been two weeks Toriah.”
“I didn’t know if you’d want to talk to me dad. I was a complete asshole.”
“Yeah you were, but you’re still my daughter and I love you. Even when you’re not strong or brave enough to love yourself.”
“I’m so sorry dad. I promise I didn’t mean any of what I said. I was drunk and I still haven’t dealt with my emotions from my injury and and-“
“Breathe Toriah,” Bobby said.
“You gotta believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, mom, or Judea. But I did and know I have to live with that regret.”
“No you’re punishing yourself. I want you to stop it.”
“Do you forgive me ? Does mom?”
“Of course. You are our daughter,” Bobby said slower as if trying to get it through to her and make it stick.
“But I said some really fucked up shit.”
“Yeah we all do. It’s called being humans.”
“If you’re about to apologize again I’ll come up there and fight you.”
Toriah laughed and wiped at her eyes.
“How’s Judea,” she asked softly.
Bobby took a deep breath before answering.
“She’s been better. I know you guys miss each other. Why don’t you stop by for dinner?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You guys are sisters and yeah both of you said some things to each other that probably should not have been said, but we are family.”
“So dinner tonight? 7:30?”
She hesitated before giving her answer. “Yeah dinner tonight.”
Judea smacked her lips as her parents told her the plan for that evening. She couldn’t sit in a room with her sister and pretend that everything was OK, because it wasn’t. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be OK again. Her sister hated her, she’d made that perfectly clear by her words and actions. For three weeks, Toriah had treated her like an inconvenience and she refused to sit in a room with someone who would rather hurt her than address their issues like adults.
“Why can’t we just have dinner and leave her where she’s at?”
Sari took a deep breath and looked at her younger daughter. She felt like she was caught in the middle because she loved both of her daughters, and both were making things harder than necessary right now.
“She’s still your sister.”
“Well she needs to act like it. I can’t believe you invited her without talking to me first.”
“Little girl you better watch yourself. I don’t know who you or Toriah thank y’all are but don’t get it confused. I’m still your mother and you will respect me. Got it?”
“Got it?” JuJu mumbled as she folded her arms across her chest.
Sari rubbed her temples and prayed that everything would run smoothly tonight. Both of the girls were being stubborn and their parents thought being in the same room would force them to communicate their true feelings.
Dinner was tense. All that was heard was forks hitting plates. Bobby and Sari shared a look before Bobby wiped his mouth and decided to speak up.
“So neither one of you have anything to say?”
JuJu shot Toriah a look before she spoke. “I don’t want to be suffocating so I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.”
“I didn’t mean how it came out,” Toriah defend herself.
“Oh you meant it. You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t.”
Toriah took a sip of her water and picked up her fork to continue to push her food around. JuJu looked at Toriah and felt rage surge through her.
“Do you even care? About how you hurt me or how much I miss you. We used to do everything together and now you feel like a stranger. ANSWER ME! You don’t get to sit at my table and pretend that everything is fine.”
“What do you want me to say? Hmm?”
JuJu laughed and shook her head before looking at her parents. “We should’ve got some liquor maybe the real Toriah would’ve shown up today.”
She sees Toriah flinch and smirks. She was happy to finally get a reaction out of Toriah because she was tired of being the one hurt. Sari, who’d heard enough was getting ready to speak, but Toriah beat her to the punch.
“I almost died. After my surgery. I mixed up my medicine, at least that what I told you,” she says as she looks at Sari before dropping her eyes again. “I took too many of my Oxy pills because I didn’t feel anything. No pressure to be perfect. When I took that first pill I felt free for the first time in my life. So I kept taking them because I loved the feeling it gave me. One day I couldn’t breathe and I panicked and called mom. I didn’t want anyone to know the truth so I lied and said I mixed up my pill schedule. Truth is I was addicted and when she suggested moving back home, it didn’t feel so scary anymore.”
Sari is full on sobbing now and Bobby looks at his eldest daughter with a tenderness she hasn’t seen in years. JuJu sits back in her chair stunned. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I was able to kick the addiction, but it was hard. I couldn’t live in my childhood home and know I had become the family screw up. I thought I was healed, but then you tore your ACL and all those memories came rushing back and I got scared again. So when I say I didn’t mean how I said it, it’s the truth. I love you and being your sister has been my greatest life’s work. But I can’t be who you need me to be right now if I’m still battling my demons.”
Everyone is crying now, and Toriah feels the sting of her eyes, but she refuses to let the tears fall.
“I’m so sorry for everything. I should’ve tried harder or pushed through my trauma for you.”
Toriah smiles sadly as she finally makes eye contact with her sister.
“It’s OK. You might not believe me but I love you. You’re the best part of all of us.”
Toriah stands up and JuJu rushes to her feet, nearly falling on her face.
Toriah pauses for a moment but doesn’t turn around.
“We can get through this together. Please just don’t leave. If you need space I’ll give it to you. I’ll try not to be so suffocating anymore. I’ll do anything just please don’t walk out of that door.”
Instead of listening to her heart, her stubbornness wins. She opens the door and she hears the sob, but she can’t bring herself to go back. This is for the better, she’s caused too much damage. And as the elevator closes and no one comes to comfort her, she knows it’s too late. The people she’s pushed away for so many years had finally given up on her.
When Toriah wakes up the next morning, she smells food. Going to the bathroom to do her hygiene routine, she feels her heart pounding. She wasn’t sure what she would walk in on and she felt defenseless. When she’s done in the bathroom, she takes longer than usual to lotion her body and put clothes on. Stepping out of the room, she sees Sari turning off the stove. She freezes as she makes eye contact with her daughter.
“I made breakfast. Your favorite.”
Toriah smiles softly before padding over to the table but before she can sit down, her mother pulls her into a hug.
“I love you Toriah,” she whispers in her daughter’s ear. “I’m so sorry if you ever felt that I didn’t.”
Toriah wraps her arms around her mother and tucks her head into her shoulder as she begins to cry. She didn’t know how much she needed to hear that but it’d unlocked something in her. Sari goes to pull away, but Toriah holds her tighter. Sari pats her back and kisses the top of her head allowing her daughter to lead the way. When she finally pulls away she takes a look at the breakfast spread. Blueberry pancakes, omelettes and bacon.
“Thank you,” she says softly.
Sari nods and sits next to her. The pair fix their plates in silence before digging into their food.
“You could’ve told me the truth. I wouldn’t have judged you or loved you any less. I was just so happy you called me.”
“We don’t have to talk about this really. I’m sure you have to help Judea with her rehab session.”
Sari watched as her daughter dug her nails into the skin of her arm. Normally she would’ve gotten up and given her the space she needed, but not today, not anymore.
“Actually your dad is taking on that responsibility today.”
Toriah looked at her mother shocked.
“You get me all day today,” Sari smiled. “Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it.”
Toriah smiled at her mother and finished eating her breakfast. Every so often she would steal glances at her mother and make sure that she wasn’t leaving.
About five miles away, JuJu tried her hardest to focus on her rehab session, but her heart nor mind was in it. Her mind had been in a whirlwind since last night. Her sister, the strongest person she knew had admitted to being addicted to oxycodone and she didn’t know what to do with that information. She felt like she didn’t know who she was anymore. She sat the paddle board down and dropped her head into her hands before letting out a sob. Dee rushed to her side and patted her back gently.
“It’s Ok Ju. Recovery is tricky but you’re getting better, stronger everyday.”
She shook her head rapidly as if trying to shake last nights dinner from her memory.
“I have to go. I can’t do this.”
Dee helped pull her out of the pool and she placed her head into her lap. Toriah was addicted to pills. She’d almost had an overdose. Suddenly her problems didn’t matter. Yes she’d lost basketball for a few months, but she’d come close to losing her sister. Nothing was more important in her life than Toriah. She was so tired of hurting her sister and her sister hurting her.
“We can wrap up for the day,” Dee spoke softly and JuJu nodded her head before walking over to her father.
Toriah sat curled up on the sofa watching Lifetime movies with Sari. After breakfast the two had cleaned the kitchen and settled in on the couch.
“I missed this,” Toriah spoke as she started to play with her fingers.
“Spending time with you and just… being me.”
Sari smiled softly and pulled Toriah closer to her. She laid her head in her mother’s lap and sighed as Sari began to scratch her scalp.
“We used to sit like this for hours,” Sari recalled. “I would have to pry you off of me to get anything done. The older you got the more I wished to have those moments back. Somewhere along the way we drifted.”
“I didn’t feel seen after a while.”
Sari turns Toriah so they can face one another.
“You are always seen by me. I’m so sorry if the years put distance between us. You have always and will always be a priority for me. I love you and I’m so sorry for causing you to doubt that.”
Toriah felt the tears prick her eyes as she nodded her head.
Sari kissed Toriah’s forehead as she felt tears sliding down her face. Both felt like they’d had a part of them healed as they cried together on the couch.
JuJu laid on her bed with her blinds drawn. Her face was puffy from crying all day. After her rehab session, she’d locked herself in her room. In times like this she would rely on her sister, but now she truly felt alone. A soft knock on the door caused her to roll her eyes.
“Ju you gotta get up and eat something.”
“I’m not hungry,” she grumbled to her father.
She heard him sigh and retreat from the door. Softer voices could be heard talking now and then another knock.
She sat up quickly in bed and looked at the door. She had to be hearing things because no way. Easing out of bed, she opened the door and came face to face with her sister.
“Toriah. What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk. Come on.”
JuJu slowly followed behind Toriah before settling on her bed.
“I’ve been a huge ass to you and for that I’m so sorry. You’re right I’ve been punishing you for something that had absolutely nothing to do with you. You never deserved to pay for other peoples’ sins. I promise to be better to you and be there every step of the way. That’s if you want me to be.”
JuJu looks over and takes a deep breath.
She speaks so softly that Toriah was sure she’d imagined the statement.
“You overdosed. That’s all I’ve been thinking about. You didn’t think that was something that you should’ve told me?”
Toriah takes a deep breath as she allows for JuJu to get her feelings out.
“I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t feel like it was necessary.”
“Especially you! I couldn’t look you in your face and tell you what I’d become.”
“Why not Toriah ? Why not ? We used to tell each other everything! No matter how ugly or uncomfortable it was.”
“You’re right and I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry! Sorries can’t and won’t fix this. You almost died Toriah and you didn’t feel the need to tell me ANYTHING. WHO DOES THAT TO SOMEONE THEY CLAIM TO LOVE.”
“Calm down Judea. You’re working yourself up.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my mother.”
“That’s fair, but I’m your sister. I love you even when you feel like I don’t.”
“Stop saying that ! You don’t love me. You love to hurt me. How did you think I would react when you told me that you became addicted to pills and being my sister was suffocating. You hate me! Admit it.”
“I don’t hate you. It may feel like that right now but I can promise you that I don’t.”
“Whatever,” she sniffled as she spared Toriah a glance. “What happened to us? We used to be so close.”
“We’re sisters. We’re supposed to be there for each other even in the difficult moments and you quit on your job multiple times now. Stop trying to make it seem like I played a part when you pushed me away. I stayed and I fought and you left me hanging. I did everything that I’d watched you do for me my entire life and the one time that I was finally able to reciprocate all the love and attention you’d given me all fourteen years of my life you shut me out! Life didn’t happen you did and now you’re sitting here like an apology is going to fix this, us or me. It’s not.”
By the time JuJu had finished her chest was rising and falling rapidly. Her vision was blurry from unshed tears.
“Tell me. Tell me how to fix this and I’ll do the work.”
JuJu eyes her sister as if she’s testing to see if she’ll flinch.
“You have to stay this time. No leaving. If something becomes too much. Talk to me,” she said slowly.
“I can do that. After I get back.”
“After you get back? Where are you going?”
“I’m going to a mental health and rehab retreat.”
“Let me finish please. Mom and dad are on board and supportive. I… just need for you to be too. It’s two weeks and then I’ll be back. Watching you tear your ACL broke something in me and I don’t like who I am right now. I can’t be much use to you guys right now because I’m not my best self. I’m tired of pretending to OK.”
JuJu smiled softly at her sister before finally reaching over and giving her a hug.
“I’m proud of you, but I need you to know that it’s OK to not be OK.”
“Yeah I know that now. I love you so much. I need you to know that Judea,” Toriah said look her in the eye.
“I know. I just had a lot of built up frustration. It felt good to let it out. When you come back can we stop being each other’s emotional punching bags ? I really need just my sister.”
“I can do that,” Toriah laughed before kissing the top of her head.
And for the first time in six years, both sisters felt as if they could breathe, really breathe.
