but the real question is when did the skeleton war begin and why?
history side of tumblr, please discuss
Once upon a time, there were two separate groups of skeletons who believed in different things. This was the cause of the skeleton war.
It was the year 1635 and all was good at the time. The skeletons lived among each other in peace and did not disturb each other. In the year 1640, things changed.
One group of skeletons were known as The Tricksters. They believed that Halloween itself was for them. These are the skeletons you see at stores and outside houses (they are not toys and you should always be cautious around them okay just a friendly tip). They thought that skeletons were the main part of Halloween, and fought over the fact that they were not the sole reason that Halloween existed (in my opinion, they kinda seemed like pretentious asshole tbh but whatever) and they were labeled as selfish and claimed to be exalted by all children across the world on Halloween night. This of course, was not completely true. This was considered highly insulting to The Hiders.
The Hiders were the second group of skeletons. These skeletons believed that all skeletons should stay in the ground, where they were originally placed. They thought it was wrong to be on the surface, after your family and or friends had shed so many tears over you at your funeral. They found comfort in their coffins and preferred to stay six feet under. They basically hid from the world and could often be found surfing the web with stolen internet by nearby houses (what jerks).
One day, The Tricksters declared a war upon The Hiders. Both sides dropped everything a prepared for the war.
The General of The Tricksters Army was known as Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen. He was #1. He was a bad ass, and it was as simple as that. He got all the cool skeleton chicks and had 351 children in total. Like I said, total bad ass. Anyways, Smitty’s bad ass attitude inspired his skeleton army to defeat and conquer the other skeletons.
The General of The Hiders was know as Bill Jameson. He was a total bore. He was often distracted, dreaming about fictional worlds where the skeletons lived in peace again. He was pretty nice, and most considered him a nerd. He couldn’t not talk to girls or anybody for that matter, so instead of talking to his army in person, he sent them all a lengthy e-mail consisting of the training schedule with strict instructions on who would enroll in the army. They were prepared for war at last.
Both armies said their farewells and kissed their children, wives, and husbands goodbye. Tears were shed and heartfelt stories were exchanged among the families. It was unknown if anybody would return home.
The Tricksters and Hiders met somewhere in between their homelands and thus began the Skeleton War. Smitty rode in his motorcycle with his bad ass attitude and rubbed it in Bill’s face. Since Bill was extremely shy and was terrified of public speaking and crowds, he walked up to Smitty and his motorcycle, and trapped him in a net. Bill dragged Smitty into a ditch as the Skeleton War continued on.
It is now 334 years later and there seems to be no near end to the Skeleton War it seems. This is the history of the Skeleton War, my children. Learn it well, for maybe one day you will have the honor of participating in the Skeleton War one day yourself.
Truly an insightful and descriptive discussion on the origins and first phase of the Skeleton War. But I think, my fellow historian, there is a piece of vital information missing. It is important to draw attention to the fact what added fuel to the fire to this century-long siege.
Sir Werbenjagermanjensen had many concubines which resulted to a multiplication in the breed of fuckboys due to the fact Sir Werbenjagermanjensen had a fuckboy gene in his DNA. It was in 1669 when the fuckboys started growing up and being conscious with their surrounding world.
Because Sir Werbenjagermanjensen was a womanizer himself. His concubines included us humans. This in turn also implanted the fuckboy DNA to many of his children and unborn children. Historians have examined the skeletons of the human fuck boys and research shows that fuck boys come in various forms. The origin of the term fuck boy is still being debated up to this day by fellow philosophers like Plato and Socrates.
Back when high-tech technology had not emerged, the Fuckboys in the Medieval times would play 20 questions with girls and in the end, they would ask for nudes. The pattern still happens but in smarthpone applications like Kik, and Tinder. Moreover, one can see on their radar if one is a fuckboy nowadays. Fuckboys tend to not calm down with their axe spray. They also wear Nike tube socks with Adidas sandals usually. But the biggest indicator is when they use “;)” during their game of 20 questions. As soon as you see that, one must abort this conversation.
Time passed by and fuckboys started becoming stronger and stronger. When General Werbenjagermanjensen and Jameson died, The Hiders and Tricksters believed that it was time for a change. So they signed the Treaty of Werbenjagermanjensenbill in the year 1989 in honour of their two great generals. It was indeed a chaotic war but it had instilled in them the attitude of camaraderie, teamwork and willpower. They knew the fuckboys had to be stopped and they gained alliance with the feminists of the 21st century.
Fuckboys would usually say such bullshit when they ask for nudes that it does not matter what you look like on the outside but what’s inside (your underwear per se). The Skeleton troops have used that philosophy however to backfire this shitty lame ass excuse to see a girl’s nudes. Psychologists claim that these could be used as an encouragement for the Skeleton army. “it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, because on the inside, you are a skeleton, and one day, you will slay countless fuckboys in skeleton war.”
The war will never seem to end as that little fuckboy gene in sir Werbenjagermanjensen had mutated as time passed by. He was badass but unfortunately, he had a little fuckboy gene in him and this passed on to generations and generations. These fuckboys are not even badass but just annoying and need to be obliterated. Nowadays, the battle rages on and during Halloween is when Skeletons have the strongest power to attack. Feminists, equality advocates have sent donations to our fellow Skeleton troops. As Mother Teresa once said, “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
And this y’all is why we acknowledge the Skeleton war every Halloween.
wow i didnt know britney spears was also a historian. thanks history side of tumblr
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