God Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen
The Libertines’ year has been scarred by crack, prison and burglary, so can they put their differences aside and enjoy an Albion Xmas together? Perhaps-if Carl’s dad doesn’t kill Pete first.
Christmas. A time of love, forgiveness and goodwill to all men. This year, nowhere in rock n roll have these principles been stretched further than in The Libertines. First there was the matter of Carl Barat throwing Pete Doherty out of the band. Then Pete burgled the flat Carl shared with his sister, thanks to a rampaging crack and heroin habit, and got six months in prison (reduced to two on appeal). All looked black until Pete was released. There to meet him at the prison gates was Carl, who welcomed him back into the band after a hugely touching reconciliation.
Since then, apart from a somewhat mysterious incident in which Carl got his face bashed in, the good ship Albion has sailed through calmer waters. The Libertines are currently recording their second album, including forthcoming single The Likely Lads, with ex-Suede guitarist Bernard Butler. And here they all are together in an east London photo studio, singing along to Blondie and Billie Holiday, dressed as Dickensian gentlemen (apart from Pete, an urchin) and caning the brandy and beers.
There are still problems-Pete’s been disowned by his father and “issues” around the burglary haven’t entirely gone away-but there’s something heartwarming about the way The Libertines have stuck together, keeping the romance alive in the bleakest of circumstances. It’s a story Dickens himself would have tipped his hat to, a story of adventure and friendship, London and crime. A story of Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas future.
NME: have you ever read Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol?
Pete: “The other night I was lying in bed and the radio came on by itself because the electricity ran out but then I discovered ‘emergency’, and then when the radio came back on it was Hard Times, the fourth episode”.
Carl: “I was flat on my back-I suffered a grievous injury-and I bought the DVD of Great Expectations. About the story of young Pip, and how through hardship and poverty but with virtue of heart, he managed to overcome the most tiresome, irksome and vile of obstacles”.
What are your childhood memories of Christmas?
John Hassall: “Working in a glue factory at the age of five.”
Carl: “John, that’s not true, is it?”
John: “No. Dickens worked in a glue factory, actually.”
Carl: “Well you’re not Dickens, are you? The sideburns-that’s where it ends. You worked for the post office, you did one day, you got sacked.”
Pete: “My grandad Percy-I remember him sat in his paper hat. He was the oldest taxi driver in Liverpool when he died and I remember he always used to say, “Merry Christmas and an apple in your ear.” I used to think that was great. (Wistfully) He’d have been really proud, actually.”
Gary Powell: “We call Christmas Festivus, and after Christmas dinner everybody gets a little bit drunk and everybody walks around a pole in the living room until they get dizzy. And then they rip the shit out of each other and sit down.”
Pete: “It’s the big Gary Powell annual family fight.”
Carl: “It doesn’t matter what they put on the tree, they just beat the cack out of each other.”
What’s the best present you’ve ever received?
Pete: “I think when I was about 12 and I got a pair of LA Gears. My uncle Arthur said to me, “You know, kids in LA on the street get stabbed for these trainers.”
Carl: “Because your uncle Arthur stabbed them-that’s how you got them. Santa used to bring me a bottle of Smirnoff Mule.”
NME: What, when you were a child?
Carl: “Yeah, when it first came out. I told my dad, “That’s what I want”, and he bought it for me.” Rest of the Band: “Awwww!”
Carl: “I was a bit gutted about my stocking, though-you’d always get oranges and dodgy nuts.”
Pete: “About five or six years ago, my dad bought me a cassette called The Beatles Live At The BBC. I’ve played that tape ‘til it was worn out…”
Gary: (Drily) “My mum and dad bought me Michael Jackson’s Thriller. What a surprise that was.”
Pete: “And then they danced round the pole a bit more!”
Did you believe in Santa Claus as a child?
Gary: “I lost my faith in Christmas when I was about 12 years old. I went downstairs at 12 o’clock to open up my presents at my nan’s house…”
John: “And you found Santa Claus giving Mrs Claus one over the…”
Carl: (Shouting) “No he didn’t!”
Gary: “I opened one present and my gran came downstairs and found me. I ran back upstairs and she came upstairs with a belt and beat the crap out of me.”
Pete: “Awww…Is that true? I always wanted a remote-controlled car or a computer or something. I’d see big boxes and it would always turn out to be a load of jigsaws.”
Carl: “I think we’ve all suffered that one.”
Gary: “But I never really lost my faith in Christmas because we always ended up having a good time.”
Were you ever in a Nativity play?
John: “I was the angel Gabriel.”
Carl: “I was a spy. I was one of Herod’s spies.”
Pete: “Did you see that film on telly last night, Only Giffers Say No?”
Carl: (Not falling for it) “What, your film was on telly? Get out of it!”
Pete: “We did Emile And The Detectives at school.”
Carl: “For fuck’s sake! No you didn’t!”
Pete: “Our teacher was an ex policeman. He thought it’d be really funny.”
What’s your favorite Christmas carol?
Pete: “Oh, that French one, Carol Debois, she’s lovely.”
Gary: “Mine is (sings) Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Batmobile lost its wheel, then the Joker got away, hey!”
Pete: “My favorite Christmas carol is And did those feet/In ancient times..”
NME: “That’s ‘Jerusalem,’ not strictly a carol.”
Carl: “This one is: (Warbles) While sheperds watched their flocks by night/All watching ITV…”
All: “The angel of the Lord come down/And switched to the BBC…”
Pete: “What’s your favorite carol then?”
NME: “We like “The First Noel”.
All launch into lusty singing: “The first Noel, the angel did say…” (laughter as they realize that’s the only line they know).
John: “I do like To Be A Pilgrim but it’s not a Christmas carol.”
Carl: “John’s first avowed intent/To be a pillock…”
Was there one thing you’d always watch on TV at Christmas?
Pete: “It was always the Only Fools and Horses Christmas special and a turkey sandwich.”
Pete: “Trying to get the fucking family pen not to leak.”
Ever eat or drink so much you were sick?
Carl: “I think I"ve got a funny constitution. No matter how much I eat or drink, I’m very seldom sick. I keep it all in. Some people would say that’s a valiant thing. (Abruptly) Who’s seen Lolita with Peter Sellers?”
Pete: “I’ve seen it. At the beginning he’s in a room full of dead bodies…”
Pete: “It’s like Christmas round at your house. Carlos lying on the floor going, “I’m never ill.”
Have you ever had a white Christmas?
Carl: “You dirty bugger.”
Pete: (Sings) “Enoch’s dreaming of a White Christmas…” (A joke from an episode of Steptoe & Son about racist MP Enoch Powell-Sitcom Ed)
Carl: “Just like the ones he used to know/When he lived in Finland…”
Have you ever built a snowman?
Carl: “OF course I have.”
John: “It doesn’t snow at Christmas anymore. It’s global warming.”
Pete: (Snatching NME’s questions): “Did I ever go to midnight mass? Yeah, I used to go with my mum and cry.”
Carl: “I used to go with your mum and cry as well.”
Pete: “Where will you be on December 25? I’ll be in Whitechapel, alone.”
Carl: “No he won’t! He’s going home to face the music!”
Pete: “I’m not. My family’s disowned me. My dad says I’m a thief and a junkie.”
Carl: “Yeah, and what you do is you go and you reclaim them. Because you’re family. Because you understand how important family is. ‘Cos we’re brothers, your father’s your father, your mother’s your mother and you’ll go and you’ll bite the biscuit. Unless of course you’re in any physical danger, but we can suss that out beforehand.”
Pete: (Softly) “Figgy pudding.”
Carl: “Figgy pudding indeed. That’s what you’ll get. But don’t stay in Whitechapel. Don’t be a booner.”
Pete: “I"m perfectly happy in Whitechapel!”
Carl: “No you’re not! Pete! Re-embrace!”
Pete: “Look, even at the best of times it’s not particularly happy being at home.”
Gary: “Come with ours and celebrate Festivus! A bit of spinning round the pole…”
Carl: “I’ve got to do the 25th at my dad’s because I always have done. I would invite you round, but you burgled my flat so my dad probably wants to kill you, and you’ve not apologized to my sister…”
Pete: “I did apologize to your sister. I left a present on the doorstep. And I didn’t burgle your flat. You’d all gone off to Japan without me even knowing.”
Carl: (Slightly irate) “Pete, this isn’t Pete’s story time, is it?”
Pete: “I saw the storage containers outside the flat, the door was off the hinges anyway…”
John: (Skillfully changing the subject) “We had a Christmas dinner round your house, remember?”
Pete: “Oh yeah! That was a happy Christmas! We all wore yellow suits and danced to Django Reinhardt. We’ll have an Arcadian Christmas-figgy pudding and eternity.”
Carl, where will you be this Christmas?
Carl: “I shall be in Watership Down. That’s where my mum lives. The cat brings in rabbits from time to time. I saw that, the cat got frisbeed last year by a fucking juggernaut.”
Pete: “I used to go there and meet his mum…”
Pete: “…and he used to take me into the wild woods.”
Carl: “I used to take him to Arcadia and back.”
Pete: “It was pitch black. And I’d see (Greek God) Pan.”
Carl: “He saw Pan and he came running with his tail between his legs. We didn’t even know he had a tail ‘til then. Since then he’s kept it very short.”
NME: “Are you more of a pagan, then, Pete?”
Carl: “He doesn’t like to put in a bracket-in this case down the bracket.”
NME: “How about a panthesist?”
Carl: “Panthesist? Pig-ist.”
Pete: (Eyeing John’s trucker cap) “What’s the deal with the Beatings hat, John?”
Carl: “That’s mine! I got that in America.”
John: “They’re supporting us.”
Pete: “Thing is, I asked this band The Unstrung to support us.”
Carl: “It’s a bummer they can’t then, innit? What a downer! Biggles, we’ve got loads of fucking bands! You’ve chosen shitloads! He’s got Wolfman And The Unhealthies or whatever they’re called.”
Pete: “They’re called the Side-Effects.”
What do you want for Christmas this year?
Carl: “His two front teeth.”
Gary: “I want an extra two inches.”
John: “I’d like some festive love.”
Carl: (floridly) “I want warmth, clarity, love, stimulation and art.”
Pete: “I’d like to pull a cracker.”
Carl: “I’d like eternal life.”
Pete: “I"d like an all-in-one TV and video. (Apropos of nothing) I saw Welsh Pete last night and he said, ‘(Welsh accent) I was round at Sadie Frost’s house and Liam Gallagher was there and I put on ‘Don’t Look Back Into the Sun’ and he stood up and said, (Manc accent) ‘Hey man, get the fuckin’ burglars off the stereo’ (Welsh accent) and I said to him ‘These boys are the future, sit down!’ and he was quiet.’ Anyway, an all-in-one TV and video and I’d like an old suit, early 60’s Italian, three buttons, black.”
Carl: “He means double breasted, tails vented and a three-quarter-length dee-dee-dee. Now, for me I will have an Ealing Comedies Classics collection of DVDs, volumes one and two, The Wicker Man…”
Pete: “Westway To The World (clash film), ‘cos I’ve lost that.”
Carl: “I’ve got Westway To The World inscribed by Mick Jones. It says, ‘Dear Carl, it’s about greatness. Love and admiration, Mick Jones.”
If you had a free choice and money was no object, where and with whom would you spend Christmas?
John: “I’d like to spend it with Roy Wood from The Move.”
Carl: “I"d like to spend it with Oscar Wilde in the Dordogne.”
Pete: “I’d like to spend it with the lead singer of The Bandits. We’d pull crackers and comfort each other.”
NME: “Why, what’s wrong with him?”
Pete: “He sprained his ankle.”
Gary: “I"d spend it with Halle Berry, anywhere.”
Pete, will you be thinking about your mates in prison over Christmas?
Pete: “He hasn’t got any mates in prison! They all hated him!”
Pete: “Shush. Of course I will, yeah. I’ve been writing to a few of them and I’ve been sending them a few little Christmas gifts…”
John: “A cake with a chisel in it.”
Pete: “Inside the spine of a magazine. Yeah, I’m thinking of ‘em. As they queue up for congealed rice and genetically modified turkey.”
Have you got any interest in what’s Christmas Number One this year?
Pete: “Well, we had a Christmas song.”
All: (Singing) “The bottom of the bottle/so drink your drink…Sing me a song about the boy who went to war…”
Pete: “Cindy Lauper’s not a pauper…”
Carl: “Bobby Dylan’s not a villain…”
All: “So drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink and be merry/For tomorrow we die…”
What did you get each other for Christmas last year?
Carl: “Well, it didn’t come ‘til June, but it was probably a fucking Rizla with a dead wasp in it.”
Pete: “I got kicked out of the band.”
NME: “What, for Christmas?”
Pete: “It was a late surprise.”
Carl: “Christmas boot for the Pigman. After he scoffed all our truffles. We were gutted.”
Pete: “You have to laugh, otherwise you smack him in the face.”
Carl: “Oi! Fucking hell! It’s supposed to be Christmas! Why can’t you be nice, man, you’re my friend for fuck’s sake.”
Pete: “You said I got you a wasp!”
Carl: “You did get me a wasp!”
Pete: “You’ve gone delirious.”
Do you think the relationship between Pete and Carl sums up the Christmas spirit of goodwill to all men?
Carl: “I’d fight to the death for the Pigman.”
Pete: “Yeah. Forgiveness and tolerance, that’s what I offer Carl.”
Carl: “I know Pigman, I know his intentions, and when they’re hard they’re hard and when they’re loving they’re loving. When I got back to my house and everything was scattered about the place-and obviously my heart sank into my scrotum-I knew that if Pigman wanted to do an evil job then he could damn well have done. But what Pigman done was a very confused and lovelorn job. There was anger there, but I’d never raise a finger against my dear friend. Ever.”
Pete: I sat on the edge of his bed and wept. There was a CD that his mum had made him, a bootleg CD with a picture of me and him on the front and it said ‘Well done’….(trails off)
Carl: Pete knew the importance of home and what it was to me to have a sacred place and a sanctum and an asylum and the fact that there was the possibility that my sister could have been there at the time shocked me. That’s what hit hard. But I never had anything but forgiveness and love and all I ever wanted was to put my arm round my friend. There was just this horrible, unapproachable, spiky, icy fucking glacier between us and it was very hard to get round.”
Why did you wear rosaries the day Pete came out of prison?
Carl: “Because Pigman got them in prison. Mine was wicked, it glowed in the dark.”
Pete: “I got them off a Portuguese pickpocket. He pickpocketed the chaplain.”
Carl: (changing the subject) “Listen, PO Box 117 Harley Street. That’s where to send Christmas cards to The Libertines.”
John: “Or death threats.”
Carl: “Because he got loads of letters and I didn’t get none!”
Have you got a Christmas message for the readers of NME?
John: (Philosophically) “Don’t celebrate the spirit of brotherhood and love just on Christmas Day. That’s how it should be every day.”
Pete: “Try to remember what it was that… just try and remember what it was. And don’t let go of it. Preserve it.”
Finally, where do you think you’ll be this time next Christmas?
Carl: “God only knows. And there’s the magic.”
Libertines Interview NME 122003
