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That dpd feel when you're waiting for your dependent to wake up and you feel so alone

the worst feel tbh

relatabledpdfeels

#negative

it took me an ambulance ride and laying in a hospital bed with police and doctors and nurses surrounding me to realize that I was /that/ bad.

I’m begging you, please don’t invalidate yourself to the point where you become your own oppressor.

scaronhiatus

This isn't really a question, I just wanted to share something. My rapist is a sadist, and before he raped me he just stared down at me, holding my waist as I struggled, laughed/smiled and said "your body is beautiful." It was said in such a sick way with such a sick expression I almost cried. It was more like words of owernship. I discarded all connection to my body since. They were the worst words I've ever heard, it felt/still feels like a knife to my heart. Am I overreacting to the words?

I don’t think you’re over reacting at all.

A lot of survivors have body issues. I can’t get below a certain weight without becoming suicidal because my abuser wanted me to lose weight so that I would be ‘acceptable’.

Even without comments about the body.. rape is a super violent act aimed at the body. and a lot of survivors create a sort of…. in order to not blame themselves- they just blame the body. it’s the bodies fault. the body caused this. and create this separation.

I promise, you are not alone.

longstobeflying-blog

You are not alone at all. If it makes you feel better, my assaulter said the same thing to me, and hearing that phrase throws me into a panic attack.

the thing about me dating Ryan is that I was already so attached to him emotionally that I don't have this need to run away in fear of getting attached. so that's cool

stanfordwinchesters

Depression is not smoking cigarettes and crying on your bathroom floor because he broke up with you again. It’s waking up one morning and not being able to get out of bed. It’s re-reading stories that broke your heart just to feel something again. It’s when you haven’t showered in four days because going down the hall is a fucking mission in itself. It’s when you can’t function because you’re so damn tired and you’re not even sure that you’re still alive.

depression is not easy or fun and i am so tired of people pretending that it is. (via weepingblossoms)

I had a really bad nightmare where I got raped over and over again by 3 different people - one them being my sexual assaulter. And on the last one, Ryan came in and saw me being raped and accused me of cheating and left me. Then why I tried to tell him, he didn't believe me and called me a bunch of terrible names and told me I was fat and ugly. and I woke up and I was in a cold sweat and I've been practically dissociated ever sense. I thought it was April 6th 2013. and I thought Ryan broke up had actually broken up with me. and I feel like I'm still in a dream. I'm a mess. I can't ground myself.

debating on if I should wear my hospital bands out or if I should take them off...

people need to learn that getting mad at me is not a good way to show that the care because it just makes me feel worse

I've never begged and pleaded to God so much in my entire life.

I want to bleed out.

im somewhere between wanting to die and wanting to kill myself.

they-messed-me-up

itwillnotbeokay

im annoyng and selfish when i'm drunk but i just... i don't know

literally can't close my eyes to sleep without images and I don't like this

I just went to my old personal blog and I saw all those posts with you and I'm literally about to throw up. Oh my god. I need to deal with this sexual assault or whatever. I kept having nightmares and flashbacks and I just need to try and deal with this.

after this weekend, i'm going to be so focused on trying to lose weight again because i've gained it all back and i just i cant do it i really can't

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