Assistin' dunks, defeatin' funks, & ignorin' hunks

I'm a brainballer: I got a lotta brains,and I got a lotta chutzpah

[looseballa6969xxx]

wow

Okay so my first year in Slavonia was amazing. I missed everyone oodles, but I made a bunch of new friends who had my same interests. It was great feeling like I’m a normal amount of weird in a room, I wonder if brain scientists have a selection bias for it :P When Janners made it out there in the spring, we went on so many adventures. I’m  still anxious (and nowadays I know enough to call it that) about being removed from “my place” but after a year expanding my definition of that I feel pretty confident I can handle any new environment. Which is helpful, cuz omg is neuroscience complicated! xD well, duh

I’ll be touching down in the US in a few days, and I’m really looking forward to seeing my family again. I have a bunch of new perspectives on my life and I wanna see how the folks’ll react. Even dad, I feel like years of finding the right words to make things make sense to him (even as a 9yo!) was like a type of training, teaching me to break down complicated things into digestible giblets. It’s odd to say, but it feels like the last 7 years have been leading up to the path I’m now firmly heading down, and I’m feeling a lot of gratitude. I can’t wait to show them how much I’ve grown!

[looseballa6969xxx]

Money Worries (8)

Yeah, so the basketball scholarship is a bust. I know, I know, make your jokes about the commercial viability of women’s basketball now: fundamentals important, very funny. On one hand, it’s shitty to see actual star talent like Arun go for a business degree instead, but on the other I guess its nice that us women aren’t expected to blow our dough on that overpriced licensed basketball apparel just to stay in fashion. No, the beauty and body expectations are plenty, thanks!

So yeah, if i ever want to put a scalpel to a brain more complex than a frog, I’ll need a job. or a loan. or a miracle. maybe a mixture of the three. well, at least this is america where a disadvantaged person can beat the odds and access supports to succeed. right? right??

When I was and I went thru a bunch of BS being separated from my family, everything leveled off for a while and I figured it’d be happily ever after. But turns out that only happens in saccharine, poorly written movies made to lull the masses into complacency. With how well everything worked out back then (which was a bit unusual, looking back) I kinda felt like my life would be a steady climb (even if I wasn’t steady for all of it), and now it feels like its me and mine against the world.

Janos’ mum suggested I apply for a university in Slavonia, where they don’t sell education like it’s mere insulin for profit.With all the (mostly curse) words I’ve learnt from him over the years from him and his family, it’s worth a shot. I still need to work a bunch first, so I can afford to survive while I learn. McJobs here I come >.>

[looseballa6969xxx]

Yoink

Okay so I get the point that some of you are making, and I actually agree: as an ace, it IS cultural appropriation for my name to be as sexy as it is. What you didn’t count is that I’m okay with that. And if you really wanna take revenge, then go for it and steal our culture back: go without porn, sex, or whatever else ! xP And, again, I’d really like to thank fellow tumblererer SaltyCabbage420 for pulling me outta that despair spiral with FACTS & LOGIC about sexuality. It’s nuts they don’t teach this in school, KIDS DIE OVER THIS STUFF CUZ OF IGNORANCE!

But yeah, it was like #achievementunlocked: figured out another aspect of your identity. tbh it sometimes feels like I’m discovering myself thru reflection more than I’m deciding who I am. Is that crazy? If so, a good kind? :B

Dad whines when I ask these kinds of questions, makes his head hurt. Thats whatever though, he’s still my biggest fan on game night and that’s him at his best. I’ve talked to Annie a bit about it too, and she agrees. She thinks maybe she might’ve taken solace in “some new fangled identity” when she was younger but that it’s not worth the hassle now. Randy cried and hugged me, which was a bit melodramatic but I think she was a bit lost with how to help me recently. I’m glad its easier now.

Jan-Jan’s been kinda perf with all my waffling, he’s just cool as a cucumber. We’ve figured out a way we can both be happy and meet our needs and that is.... None of your business!! xP xP xP And I know what some of you do with cucumbers, so don’t even think about it!

[looseballa6969xxx]

Blah

I didn’t really know how to feel about it at first, but once I figured out it had nothing to do with him I started to feel really bad. Not cuz me saying no was wrong, but I didn’t think he would take it so personally. And no, before anyone accuses him, he didn’t try to guilt me, or force me, or anything bad. This is a no projecting zone! He was actually really thoughtful and sweet about how he prepared a dinner and candles and all the other cliche stuff (which I still liked and reeeally appreciated!) but when we got into bed together, it just didn’t feel right when he did anything... and I when I realized whatever switch he has that gets “turned on” just isn’t in me, he wasn’t upset or anything.. just sad, and I guess he thinks there’s something wrong with him. I still love him, but I feel really shitty and selfish for not being able to share that with him - even if I know that’s stupid. It just sucks :(

I can’t really talk about this with anyone either since Annie isn’t, ahem, social, dad is, well, himself, and Randy... well, she’s a bit of a prude so she’d support my choice for all the wrong reasons *eyeroll* I just wish I could go back to when this stuff didn’t matter so much to people my age, cuz it feels like I’m the only one in the world who’s built to be alone without wanting to be :(

[looseballa6969xxx]

Smooth McGroove over here

So I mean, yeah Sarah gets all the glory for scoring like half our team’s points - idc about that, I’m totes down to deke suckers out and pass it to her to DUNK on them. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me when I pull some spectacular shit and make a girl trip up. Like damn, it’s hard not to laugh when they go sprawlin cross the floor while I’m lookin good as gold in the other direction - but I don’t wanna be a dick. Honestly, I just haven’t found anyone on the court I can’t outplay. I’m not even full of myself, cuz I know they’re out there. And I lose in small games sometimes too cuz I’m less good at shooting. Jan-Jan enjoys watching me, but I know he misses playing and I can’t wait til he heals enough to get back in the game. I try not to talk about it though, cuz... well, nevermind.

I’ve also noticed dad looks a lot older than he used to. We look at some photos and he was so fresh-faced when I was little. He said I was always really curious (he didn’t use that word) and he said he was sorry he didn’t always know the answers to my questions :( He used to chase me around the park and roll in the leaves, and now he grunts when he bends over and falls asleep to golf :/

I’ve started to enjoy conversations between Annie and Randy more, especially if they don’t know I’m listening >:) even if they do, they talk about more interesting things, and they’ve told me a lot more about the whole custody battle with a lot more detail than I’ll ever get from dad. It makes me think that my issues with certain (TOTAL B!TCH) teachers and even Randy might something to do with all the crap the government put us through... though, that doesn’t excuse the crap some of the teachers do. Like, you remember the masturbation “joke” with the carbonite rod? what a total sicko, what kind of 50 year old says that to teenagers?

[looseballa6969xxx]

Just ugh

So one of the girls who I added on facebook from bio camp is a bit of a spaz *eyeroll* she keeps commenting concerned smilies on my pictures and msg’d me giving me links to eating disorder websites. Like, I’m not sick! I just gots to ball! I’ve always been skinny anyway, and all the bball I play just means I look all knees and elbows, but I’m healthy! Gosh, why can’t people stop projecting their crap on me??

Like, when the deal with my dad came out at school, the other kids weren’t dicks and were nice at first, but it’s like his condition is all they see when they talk to me sometimes - even the teachers! Like, I know I’m a bit different cuz of it. I know I use weird analogies, but if I wanted to explain how I felt about something complicated to my dad I had to! And even though I *know* I’m really smart, there’s just a tonne of words I hear for the first time - how the f*** is that my fault?! Like, yeah there’s some jerks who make fun of me, but at least they’re not being totally fake! Other kids will be really smug and talk to me like I’m a child. I get really angry, but I know if I react I’ll look crazy >:(

What my dad does really well is emotions though, he talks thru stuff slowly and simply so even complicated feelings are understandable. Ever since I was a kid, he’s shown me that things can get bad without giving up or blaming myself. So even though it feels like every dumb mistake I do is an invitation for the smug kids to think I’m disabled, ironically it’s my dad’s wisdom that keeps me calm. Speaking of crazy, I don’t care if any of my followers don’t like my brain art or think its gross or creepy I POST WHAT I WANT. Besides, what kind of stupid brain do you have that thinks you look gross? nyeeh xP

[looseballa6969xxx]

Birthday surprise!

Heey everyone! I know I said I wouldn’t post again til I hear back about the concert contest, but I got an amazing birthday present that I wanted to share!

So, ever since my crazy growth spurt last summer I stopped liking soccer like I did as a kid cause I feel all clumsy. Randy was worried, but in an annoying way so I would hang out with Janos after school instead of coming home. Well he won’t let me just watch him shoot hoops and he says I’d be really good if I practiced, so I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I guess he found out my birthday, cause he surprised me with a basketball! I don’t have a hoop or anything near my house, so I mostly practice all the fancy dribbles and dekes I’ve seen online. My dad got upset when he found me doing that though, cause he thought I took the ball from school :S He couldn’t get the ball from me though, and when he fell down trying he burst into laughter xD My gift from my family won’t happen for a while, but it’s still pretty cool: I’m going to biology camp! It’s on an actual biology lab at a university, and everything will be biology themed - even the food xP

[looseballa6969xxx]

Hello! I’m Lucy

I’m new here, let me tell you a little about myself:

-I’m 12 1/2

-I live in the city with my dad and ex-foster mom and aunt (its complicated!)

-I’m a little shy sometimes, because I find it hard to read people

-I’m a little weird sometimes too, because my dad is silly and taught me to be :)

-I really like brains and want to study them when I’m older and figure out why they’re different Anyway, I know I sound a little weird, but I was told this was a welcoming place so hopefully I’ll be accepted!