doomed old man yaoi >>>

zenith. adult. he/they. system host. multifandom etc blog. still the local chairman of the tortured yaoi department. theme rework wip.

[lordlesslawlessmen]

url change

autisticjoshrusso >> lordlesslawlessmen

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I've seen a few posts lately that are like "how to avoid abuse as a housewife" and that's important but I want to say something from the kind-of-opposite-kind-of-the-same perspective:

if you thought you were signing up for a partnership of equals where you shared the responsibilities and financial burdens, the other person does not have the right to pressure or manipulate you into becoming The Breadwinner.

like, in my case it was super duper obvious that what my ex was doing was wrong because they would watch me come home from 50+ hours of work every week while they did three, and then expect me to do all the grocery shopping, cleaning, and life admin shit as well.

but even if they hadn't. even if they had decided to be The Housewife while I was The Breadwinner. that would still be bullshit because when we got married it was based on explicit agreement that we were planning to be a two-income, split-everything-equitably couple. no matter what, I didn't consent to burning myself out trying to provide for two people, and no one had the right to force me to do that.

what I'm getting at here is: just as it's manipulative and dangerous for your partner to demand you give up your job and focus everything on your home life for their benefit, it's also manipulative and dangerous for your partner to demand you work yourself to death so they can stay home.

[overthinkthis]

very important points but i'm wondering if it's a good idea to put them in the same category as the housewife stuff because i don't think it's structurally the same thing. i feel like your experience goes more into the direction of being aware of what abuse and manipulation can also be and avoiding that in a partnership, where as the housewife problem deals more with how being a housewife in itself is a dangerous concept.

it's not just bad if you happen to marry an asshole. it's bad because (mostly) women are pressured by society to make themselves (and possibly their children) completely financially dependent on a man who has been taught from early on that he has to make the decisions for the family because he is the rational one while women (and children) are too emotional to make smart choices. and then the woman can't leave without risking to put her children into poverty. (yes, there are laws to protect women but they do not always work well enough)

not saying that leaving is easy in the situation you described. i could imagine in addition to everything else there can also be an immense emotional pressure not to leave the person who has made themself dependent on you - similar to when women are told not to leave their husband, because how will the man be able to cope with all his difficult feelings after he outsourced dealing with emotions to his wife for so long. but i still think being the breadwinner is structurally not as dangerous as being the housewife in this patriarchal society. feel free to tell me if you think i'm wrong though!

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I don't know if it's worth trying to decide if it's more, less, or equally dangerous tbh. but it feels like a mirror in a lot of ways.

The Breadwinner is typically gendered as a male role and I think men are more easily manipulated into taking it on. because the societal pressure is already there, and there are specific gendered social scripts that abusers can rely on - women wanting their husbands to be "ambitious" is a whole trope for example.

and yeah, once you're in that situation, a lot of the being trapped is mental like you say - "it would be wrong to leave this person who depends on me" type stuff - but some of it is structural and very hard to escape. my personal example: in Scotland, it's hard to get a divorce without being separated for at least a year first. and, if you own a house, your spouse has the legal right to live there, even if their name isn't on the deed and they aren't paying the mortgage. that's a huge catch-22: can't get your spouse out of your home without a divorce, can't get a divorce while your spouse is still in your home. the person wanting the divorce could move out, of course, but with what money? that trap kept me in an unsafe situation for years.

and there is real danger in the role itself. financial danger where the other person drags you into debt and your housing and food become precarious, but also danger of illness or even death from overwork. there are plenty of jobs where being chronically tired at work can literally kill you (eg long haul trucking) but even where it's not quite so direct, the danger to health is very real.

one big difference is history. The Housewife has always been a dangerous position to occupy; The Breadwinner was much, much safer even just 60 years ago, when it was normal for a single income to be able to support a family without constant overtime or gig economy side hustles.

so idk, I get why you'd immediately wonder if it's helpful to connect the two, but I think they're each other's gendered funhouse mirror reflections in a lot of ways. you can be emotionally and/or structurally trapped in a situation that's not exclusive to any gender but heavily slanted towards one, and it can fuck up your entire life and put you at serious risk of physical, emotional, and/or financial harm.

[burins]

thinking fondly of this meme I made for a coworker years and years ago

[thedreamthieves]

i think one of the worst things the left wing internet ever did was push the idea that oppression is basically a virtue, and being oppressed is a sign of your morality. it has made it like…impossible for some of you to hold the idea that most people are privileged in some ways and oppressed in others. AND a lot of you seem to have it in your mind that terrible people cannot be oppressed, and that oppressed people cannot do terrible things, which is a dangerous rhetoric to hold imo.

[just-sans-things]

[animentality]

[trickstarbrave]

reading this felt like getting shot by a shotgun point blank

[thescrolls-haveforetold]

[wonderarium]

this sewing pattern just touched me while i was in the middle of reading it

[9puppiesdrowninginapool]

Ken was created from Barbie’s rib

[azspot]

“Because the truth is, tech doesn’t have an image problem. It doesn’t have a message problem. It has an intention problem. What’s wrong with the axe murderer who broke into my house is not that he hasn’t successfully persuaded me to buy into his narrative. What’s wrong is that he’s trying to kill me with an axe. Similarly, when you launch a product that’s designed to put millions of people out of work, block access to sources of verifiable truth, replace human creativity with slop, and lower the barriers to every sort of atrocity, the problem isn’t that you haven’t told the public a good story about those things. The problem is that you are trying to do them.”

— The 40 Most Rage-Inducing Problems in Tech

[santhipoma]

[janmisali]

oh I know how to make a poll's results look like the letter E watch this

what is the rightmost digit of the number of responses this poll has right now? (it should be visible before you vote.)

0, 1, or 2

3

4 or 5

6

7, 8, or 9

Remaining time: 5 days 17 hours

[powerbottombrucespringsteen]

The thing is nobody at pride is evaluating you to determine if you’re queer enough to be there because they’re too busy thinking “it’s so hot out” and “why is this lemonade 12 dollars?”

[synesindri]

a thought for handling "can't tell if using personal examples to relate to somebody's situation is helping or making me look self-centered" is to bring the personal examples back to the situation of the person you're talking to. name why their thing reminded you of your thing ("it made me feel alone/scared/angry/abandoned/whatever") and then ask if you're on the mark with the parallel or not. possibly straight up tell them that you're not trying to make the conversation about yourself; you are trying to see if you are reading what they're going through right. connect the dots for them of what you were trying to accomplish by sharing your personal anecdote so they can tell you if it's helpful or not

[lokaror]

i eat your grandads clothes

[flyingsquidzeez]

Macklemoth

[pansyfemme]

it really is crazy how there are so many influencers with millions of followers i have never heard of in my life

[pansyfemme]

every day someone is like ‘have you heard about the situation with johnny youtube?’ and i go. pardon. who the hell is that

[teaboot]

Can I be honest with yall I don't want to hear SHIT against cishets at pride this year

[teaboot]

"But it's not FOR them!!!" The biggest military power in the world belongs to a christofascist nation overseen by a felon found guilty of 34 federal crimes and has greenlit a gestapo with more direct funding than the entire military of Canada for the purpose of ethnic cleansing. Let Hetero Jessica throw some biodegradable glitter at a municipal parade

[teaboot]

At this point if anyone is trying to exclude anyone benignly pro-queer from a pro-queer space I'm just going to assume you're a fed or something idk like something something destabilize the movement from within or whatever