Canto XII

The Voice of Benjamin Stachkunas, Lord Reddog, and Canto XII.

[lordreddog]

13 Films For Halloween

It's no secret I love horror films. They've been a huge part of my life and I've enjoyed collecting them since forever. A lot of people have been asking me what I've been watching to get ready for the big "H." Here is a list of 13 of the best horror films specifically tailored to give you an awesome Halloween experience. If you're into Horror, good. Enjoy the list and argue with me until you're blue in the face. If you're not, well buckle up and prepare to be scared. The 13 films I've chosen have been picked in a specific order and if you watch one a day from now until Halloween you'll be well prepared for the frights ahead!

(*Two notes on this list,

I've attached an alternate film at the bottom of every entry; Maybe you can't find a specific film or you've just watched it too many times.

Secondly I intend to compile some more lists of Horror Films and don't want to reuse anything. This list may seem incomplete to some but there are more coming, and you're welcome to argue...)

October 19th 13) Trick 'or' Treat

This is a beautiful anthology of horror tales weaved together in one misfortunate town on All Hollow's Eve. It's morbid and violent with an amazing cast to match. It captures a feel of campiness without polluting the story which will make any fan of Horror want to explore this world as it unfolds... ...and what surprises it has...

(Substitution: Halloween III: Season of the Witch)

October 20th 12) Hostel

I don't know how it happened, or why it was made but it was. Hostel is a horror film of epic proportions for two reasons. First it's good. Really good. The story doesn't drag you through a sequence of violent scenes. A solid plot exists with tortured protagonists under-dogged through an eye ball busting experience, Literally. Second it really showed us how far Eli Roth was willing to push the bar to bring us the gift of Horror. Enjoy this decadent pleasure or horrific euro trek from Hell. Either way...

(Substitution: SAW)

October 21st 11) the Exorcist

It's a classic for a reason. It scares people down to the very core and is near the top of so many horror lists. This film never feels revisited when you watch it. It's crisp and breathed life into a B movie matinee genre. This is Horror as art. There aren't too many movies depicting Catholics as good guys either. The Exorcist took hold of a superstitious audience and danced with one of religion's darker sides. It's been imitated but never to the same degree and impact.

(Substitution: Lost Souls)

October 22nd 10) A Nightmare On Elm Street 6: Freddy's Dead

If you're going to strip the series down there are few films you find yourself remembering in this series beyond Craven's original. If I had to pick, I'd watch Part 6, Freddy׳s Dead. This is a nice attempt to wrap up a nosediving Horror series and turn it into one last ditch profit before giving up hope. It worked. Great cast, good script, not too many odd backstory plot holes... ...oh well, just enjoy some campy jokes and yet another look into Freddy's already sordid past.

(Substitution: Nightmare on Elm Street '10)

October 23rd 9) Creepshow

Look Mom! Yet another horror anthology makes the list! This film was Tales From the Crypt before Tales From the Crypt (if you've never watched HBO's original series Tales From the Crypt shame on you). King and Romero being fans of the old horror comics turned these stories into a wholesome dose of Hell for a fan of the genre for nearly any reason. Cameos aplenty, throwback shots, comic book cuts, and ironic violence.

(Substitution: Tales from the Crypt presents Demon Knight)

October 24th 8) The House By the Cemetery

People are about to get mad. (Opinion alert!) this is the best film Fulci ever made. Period. End of debate... ...Not really I'm sure. In my defense this story is gripping and scary. As a director Fulci made another film where seemingly ordinary people find themselves torn from the mundane into violent truth with consequences for the unsuspecting traveler. The story unfolds cleaner than his other films. The characters make more human choices than his other films as well. Shall I open the floor to argue 7 Doors of Death?

(Substitution: the 7 Doors of Death)

October 25th 7) Friday the 13 VII: the New Blood

Okay, you've probably tried to watch this series straight through at least once in your life. It's a lot like the Silmarillion or the Bible and you might get bored before the good stuff. This film series flickers off like the "Feldster's" career around the 112 minute mark of part IV. Skip into the 7th. The New Blood gives you a great taste of the spirit of the whole series without putting you to sleep or cutting away at seemingly needless points in the film. Watch, enjoy! Trust me, it's a serious crapfest after this diamond in the rough.

(Substitution: Friday the 13th '09)

October 26th 6) One Dark Night

I apologize in advance, I know it's a little obscure but well worth hunting down. It's part H.P. Lovecraft and part 80's oddball occult horror flick. It has to be one of the most powerful openings to a horror film ever and the director's cut intro is even more unnerving. The film is primarily shot inside a large mausoleum having a claustrophobic atmosphere. You wouldn't think there's much you could do with this but it weaves into a wonderful tale of terror making it a hit in the middle of my list.

(Substitution: Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things)

October 27th 5) Lords of Salem

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa, and if Rob Zombie ever directs a film about him I don't know if I could watch it. Lords of Salem is the best film Zombie has made to date. It is shot perfectly. Lit perfectly. Cast perfectly. Scored perfectly (except Rush, but I'll forgive him this guilty pleasure). You watch this start to finish and witness a horror film of a nearly religious "2001esq" experience. It's a beautiful Horror film and you can't look away. Not once does he let your eyes' grip of the screen go. It's a modern classic.

(Substitution: House of 1000 Corpses)

October 28th 4) the Texas Chainsaw Massacre '74

Someone told Orson Wells to "Get outta Pictures, you'll never make a better movie" after Citizen Kane. I think that parallels Toby Hooper and this film right here. It is simply the best horror film ever made. It shocks, it frightens, it pierces your senses. I wondered if I should even put this on the list and then after "where." This list is about Halloween, so the top three slots are reserved but it is still a horror film unlike any other and cinematically superior to most film of the time. Watch it and let a piece of your human side think about what the capable are willing to do and why that's frightening.

(Substitution: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D '13)

October 29th 3) the Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn

This beauty sits in the middle of the Evil Dead and the Army of Darkness, both classics in their own. But this stands out to me. It's outrageously over the top and wonderfully comedic enough to not terrorize your senses completely. The wonder of a man sawing off his own hand then fusing a chainsaw to it, then using it first to saw off a shotgun is one badass mofo. Ash. It's his second encounter with this stuff and you think he would've learned his lesson! Nope! Chaos ensues. The ending was the cliffhanger of the ages for horror junkies.

(Substitution: the Resurrected)

1 & 2) These two tie at the top for films you should watch on Halloween. There is no wrong answer here. In no order of measure...

October 30/31st Night of the Living Dead

The first time I saw this film was on Halloween '92 on television after trick or treating. I had never seen anything like it. I was changed forever. I fell in love with horror. I grew up watching Black & White horror but this was something altogether different. I didn't understand why someone would let me watch a film this deep and involved so I bought it on VHS at Blockbuster for $3 and watched it over and over. I made it a tradition for many years to watch this film, Evil Dead 2, and

Halloween '78

This film is the masterpiece in Carpenter's horror suite. It started a whole idea of putting an antagonist front and center. There was a horror behind the mask. It symbolized all our fears as young adults. It captured our pleasures and forced us to watch the worst possible actions for them, death and dismemberment. Front to back this film delivers. Jamie Lee Curtis steps up to the Scream Queen plate and hits it out of the park.

(Substitutions: For Halloween/ John Carpenter's the Thing/ Halloween '07 For Night of the Living Dead/ 28 Days Later/ Day of the Dead '85)

Benjamin Stachkunas 10/17/15

[lordreddog]

You do not let your eyes see nor your ears hear, and that which is outside your daily life is not of account to you. Do you not think that there are things which you cannot understand, which are, that some people see things others cannot? But there are things old and new which must not be contemplated by men's eyes, because they know, or think they know, some things which other men have told them. Ah, it is the fault of our science that it wants to explain all, and if it explain not, then it says there is nothing to explain. 

-Van Helsing Dracula Bram Stoker

[lordreddog]

Isopods!

Most are pretty harmless, you see them all the time.

"Pill bugs" or Wood Lice as they are commonly known on land are seen in gardens across the United States.

The deep sea versions are much larger...

Much like comic book junkies and gamers they crave Doritos.

But some aquatic versions are parasitic actually taking the place of its host organism's tounge.

Or attach itself to the head around mouth to feed off its current host.

Have fun in the ocean this year!

[lordreddog]

They, the Whisperers

(Here is a new story I've been tweaking, enjoy Horror Heads!) There are those who forgot about us. We were just left here to rot in the cold ground. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wasn't. All I can do now is lay and wait. Think. I think things. I think about the way I ended up in the ground. I think about the warm sun. I miss the air outside. Even the way it burns your nose on a cold day or how a deep breath in mid-Fall can feel like a chore. I can still feel the warmth of the other bodies moving and shuffling around outside. I remember the cities. I used to hate the crowded cities. Now I'd do just about anything to get out of here and be there again. I hate it here. The smell. Everywhere. I can't get away from it. I hate it. Hate is all I have sometimes. I wake up angry. Anger. It will just consume my thoughts the whole time I'm awake until I fall asleep again. Sometimes the agony lasts for days. I wake up grinding my teeth and cursing myself and everybody else. Other days I am filled with sorrow because I know what's coming. They don't. Not even some of the others down here know. It's either been to long or they don't know any better. I can hear the lucky ones who have no clue wailing. They don't get it. They never will. I'd put them out of their misery if I could reach them but its too dark and I haven't been able to use my hands for a while now. You lose track of time down here. I can't remember the last time I had an erection or who it might've been for. Probably those twins I saw in Playboy, I never forgot that. They say Hell awaits us. By they I mean those bastards who smell worse than the rest. They visit every once in a blue moon. You can't move after you've been here a while. Then you have to listen to everything they say. They stink so bad. I wish my sense of smell went. The awfulness they preach. The things they promise. If you even think of considering one of their deals they will chatter at you for weeks. You'll go crazy or even worse, you'll give in and agree to one of their pacts. That's when the screaming gets worse. It's all tricks and deceit. I'd rather let the flies and maggots have me than fall in with the lot of Whisperers. Gibbering tongues and sharp teeth. My eyes don't work. But I can still smell them. Cold. I feel cold the most. I wish I couldn't feel it but I do. It makes me want to cry I shiver so much sometimes. The cold is enough to make you hate yourself. Hate the reason you're here and not somewhere else. The cold is chilling to the core. If you can handle it you won't listen to the Whisperers. Shiny black teeth glistening with the flesh of my newfound neighbors they come and chatter their soft wet whisper "You see?" They say "You see? No? Do you want his eyes then? We didn't eat them! But we will! Listen! Do you hear that? How they pop in my mouth? Come with us. We can make this all go away." They are liars. I have heard the weak ones scream when they start to eat them. It's a terrible thing. I focus on the cold. I think about how much it chills me. If I focus on the cold I can sometimes tune them out. I trade in my own pain for another's screams of agony. The weak ones scream and moan with the bodies of the consumed. Last time they came they promised to eat my ears first, then my nerves. They'd spare me the burning of the hoar. The sting of the cold wouldn't touch me. They breathe their fetid breath on me and tell me how warm it'll be when they're finished with me. How I'll like where they're taking me. Even with no eyes I can see what the Whisperers are up to. I want no part of it. I want the cold to stop but not at their price. My bones ache in the chill. I heard it though, the sound above. So did the Whisperers. They screamed a horrible outcry like a hissing in high pitch and left suddenly. The rumbling came again last night as well. Tonight after it came I heard something else. It's digging, it's moving closer. Soon I'll be out of here. Soon. I'll warm myself first. Then I'll put in some work...

[lordreddog]

A Question of Novelty

Dear "So & So" at ST-Germain, I recently received a promotional poster that was handed out through a local liquor vender.

I was wondering what the picture is accredited too, or whom took it, where and when? What's the book the young ladies are finding so engrossing? Curious ad, but it does its job well. For in the ad itself is not the message of curiosity hidden? Anyway, I was just curious myself, Benjamin Stachkunas

[lordreddog]

WCW The Best of Monday Nitro vol. 2.

[lordreddog]

Top Ten Fighting Games of All Time Part II

#9 Samurai Showdown.

Once upon a time Pizza Huts had "sit-in" restaurants and weren't just a rigorous take-out/delivery campaign. There was one n the next town over and whoever the 'rents didn't feel like cooking we'd suggest Pizza. Quick and easy. The real draw wasn't the food. This "fine" establishment had a few arcade machines, one of which was a SNK 4 game cabinet. (Neo Geo 4 Slot MVS). We'd get three large pies for the whole family and and a pitcher of Coke and one of Diet Coke. That would feed all six of us. As much as two young boys could love pizza we ate until we were full. My youngest brother and I were always done first. Now came the hard part, asking my old man for a few dollars to play the arcade machine. My father was always stingy with coin for Arcade Machines thinking it was a waste but he indulged his youngest two none the less. The waitresses would break the bills down for us and then you'd hear the familiar drop of a quarter into the slotted coin box. It was on! Samurai Showdown had been selected and we went at each other feverishly. The game had this wonderful feature Street Fighter II didn't, a coup de grâce. When your opponent is on the verge of defeat a well calculated heavy attack would slice their jugular vein causing swords to drop from their hands or occasionally a torso would be hacked in twain. The carnage was awesome. We would fight bitterly choosing from brave warriors selected from romanticized historical Japan and memorizing super moves (little did I know then how much the Shimabara Rebellion would affect my life).

A few years later we picked it up on Super Nintendo and even with no blood and 16bit graphics it was an amazing game. Afterthoughts... The arcade machine moved to a pizza parlor up on the far south end of Middletown for a bit after Pizza Hut closed and from there moved downtown Middletown to another pizza joint. Much like the Ark of the Covenant it disappeared for sometime before I saw it one last time, in my Best Friends' garage! They asked me how I knew it was the same one the whole time. The 2nd game over was always a paper cutout place holder in the cabinet kiosk with sharpie written in!

[lordreddog]

The Top 10 Fighting Games of All Time

My Brother (@Micha_Luv) and I recently had a tweet-off (#bestfightinggame) (#top10) (#ithasbegun) over which fighting games rule the virtual roost. We had so much fun doing it. I decided that although Twitter was a good forum for the battle forcing us to constrain our answers to 140 characters I'd like to go into more detail about my reasons and anecdotes to follow for the list. Gimme some time but... With out further ado... #10 Battle Arena Toshinden.

We had a SNES, there was no need for a new system. The Playstaion was on the scene but there were only a handful of decent games, and most of the more impressive titles were ports like MK3. A friend of ours received a PS1 as a gift for X-Mas and my little brother and I found ourselves, sooner or later over his house tryin out the new software with sleek controllers. First we tried out WWF: In Your House, a kind-of fighting/wrestling hybrid that was interesting but not entertaining for very long. Next came Battle Arena Toshinden. I was skeptical at first. The only other real 3D fighting game that made any waves before that was Virtual Fighter on the Sega Saturn, a system that seemed doomed from the get go with a paltry library and steep price tag.

This game was different, first off is the weapons were a cool addition and added an element to the 3D combat hitherto lacking. The dodge button added a level of depth to combat that strategies for 2D games were out the window. Ingenious. We fell in love. My brother and I went home that night and schemed to trade all of our SNES stuff in for a Playstaion and Battle Arena Toshinden. I traded in a custom made arcade stick, a Capcom Fighter Pad (from the coupon on the back of the instruction manual of SSFII), two SNES controllers, and about three dozen games. I traded in every game save one. Samurai Showdown. Some gamers say it was the day my soul was sold. I lament the loss of the controllers, still, but I've since gained a gigantic SNES library, many of which are on the list.

[lordreddog]

The "Visit" 2013

[lordreddog]

His death is a half truth/

[lordreddog]

Maps of Erebor, Modified.

I did two modifications of the maps supplied within the Kindle™ edition appendix of LotR. The first I did for my son, The back story was Dain Ironfoot, after ascending the title of King Under the Mountain he had the map copied on the hide of a Uruk and then framed in gold with many inlet gems and set in place where the Arkenstone was held before being buried with Thorin Oakenshield.

The second I did for a close friend, Hex, and has a story as well. During the battle of Azanulbizar (3rd Age 2799) the orcs had taken the map from Thrór's body before tossing his quarters to the crows. Azog hastily had them copy the map on the hide of a skinned dwarf before he was slain by Dain Ironfoot. Dain was able to salvage the original map and return it to Thráin II, now the rightful heir. The copied map was lost during the ensuing battle. Its history is a bit hazy. Goblins keep little records and have even less use for script outside of measurement, but the map itself was found on the crushed body of Bolg, Azog's son, after the Battle of Five Armies (3rd Age 2941). Because of its morbid nature, inked in blood on the tanned dwarfish hide, the map was burned with the unnumbered dead of the war.

Well, "Ringers" and causal fans alone I hope you enjoy the maps! -Benjamin Stachkunas

[lordreddog]

Green Hat Battle Scars

"It was the green hat that gave us away!" -Jamie Madrox Whenever I wear my Twiztid hat people always ask what happened to it. My usual response is I was shot in the head with a gamma ray. Sometimes it is a photon ray. I have also responded it was a experimental military drill using real lasers. Those are the short versions and entirely untrue. I can't remember exactly which show I picked it up at, but I fell in love with it instantly. It had to have been between 2000-2002. It was one of the many Psychopathic shows I attended. I wore the hat nearly everywhere. It became my Kitchen hat at work and was in my backpack all the time.* it is no secret I used to get intoxicated at night with my brothers after getting out of work. I would come home every night and hang my hoodie (a samurai essential) on the door jam by the closet in my hallway. One night I carelessly hung my hat on the downstairs light in said hallway. My younger brother switched on the hallway light and proceeded to walk into the bathroom. I was in the kitchen and was the first to smell it. The bulb had been burning a hole right through the hat. We rushed out and it was too late. It smoked as the light flicked off and a puff of smoke wafted up from my beautiful green Twiztid hat. I was pretty upset at first but after a while it grew on me again. Because of its battle wound I began to wear it everywhere. I didn't care how dirty it got or how soaked it became in the rain. It went with me everywhere.

I don't know when It was retired but it was found a few days ago while searching for decorations in the basement.** I commented to somebody the other day that I need to find a good cap to wear. I search every time I go to Wal-Mart hoping one will jump out at me. Now I can put off the search for a bit, but I will have to find some way to deal with all the silly attention a lightbulb burn gets on the rear of my cap almost everywhere, every time I wear it. *back before the days of Jeep Cherokees and Ford Taurus' I walked everywhere. A backpack was essential. **this was drafted back on Christmas Day, 2012 A.D.

[lordreddog]

Panera Pick Pocket

Today I heard of a man being pick pocketed for his credit card at a Panera Bread Co. He didn't notice right away and before he finished his overpriced meal the thieves had robbed him on-line and purchased 10,000$ worth of Target gift cards. A few things...

-Aren't gift cards numbered? These should be traceable through Target's computer system. Seems like a dumb ass move for someone skilled enough to pick pocket.

-Now we all have our off days, that is to say, I lost my wallet before. I bought a chain for it; problem solved. Now while wearing a suit it isn't practical to wear a chain and I have no idea what this "victim" looks like but seriously folks, if we're going to opt for the 10,000$ credit limit why would you be so careless with your money?

-This is what happens to people that eat at Panera. The only thing worse than realizing you just spent 17.87$ for half a ham sandwich, bland soup, and a soft drink is realizing you're now out 10,017.87$

[lordreddog]

Faery Tales for the Dark

It isn't a particularly long story, and it will sound familiar. I have walked these woods and seen many strange sights. Some repeat themselves far down the generations. There must be some imprint left in time or soul that can just drift into people that come across each other by pure coincidence. Or is it fated? A story written in slate can be told through many generations and just maybe it was fate that brought the two together that night. I saw almost the whole thing the night in most recent question of my memories and if it serves me right it started with two creatures walking down the same path towards each other unaware of what would soon happen. Now here's where my story starts to feel familiar. I saw her first. She was walking the darkest path over by the old train bridges. She wore a red hooded sweatshirt under a long red trench coat that came to the rise of her hightop boots. Her leggings were white under her crimson skirt and her purse hovered on one shoulder making the slightest noise as it rocked back and forth in the slight breeze that pushed the fallen snow while she walked. She paused, fumbled through her bag and pulled out a pack of smokes and a lighter. Her fingers glided over the cover of the pack and she squeezed an indentation into the front and flicked the lid with her other hand. Pulling out her smoke she lighted it and took a drag. Exhaling deeply, she sat silently for a moment with no sounds but the inhaling through the cigarette filter and the exhaling through her nose and mouth. Then came the cracks of branches. They seemed far away enough but even the girl knew the noise was from something big. It stopped moving once it smelt the cigarette smoke. The red ember was a dead give away in the darkness of the woods. I had seen this creature before but in your time they are very rare indeed. A werewolf. I could see and smell him but I am much older and wiser than the clan of wolves. He never sensed me at all. Crack came the sound of a branch braking again. She looked around and i could feel her mind playing out every rational explanation for the noise to keep herself calm. Off she went, further away from the train bridge and towards the old wooden walk bridges. They were closer to housing and street lights. She thought that may prove helpful if it was more than a creaking branch or deer playing out beyond sight. Crack crack, again the noise came closer. Looking over her shoulder she began to walk faster. She rummaged in her purse now seemingly desperate to find something. I thought it was a weapon. Instead it was whiskey. She unscrewed the lid and took a deep gulp off the top. Screwing the cover back on she looked over her shoulder just in time to here another crack. Her eyes seemed glazed over as the bottle slid downward into her purse. She had made it to the old bridge, but just past it the beast sprang. It snarled and gnashed its teeth while saliva dripped from its mouth hanging on an open snout. His ears hung back huge on his head and seamed torn here and there from previous encounters. His chin had a furrow of hair that hung down like a beard and his eyes reflected the silvery moon illuminating her face. His arms were outstretched with the tight tatters of a navy hooded sweatshirt and his palms seemed to be partially covered with fingerless gloves. There were no shoes on his feet and the strong beast legs were tearing his pants up the seams. He saw he had her full attention now and gave out a wild growl and approached her snarling. He circled his prey in the snow a few times drawing long gaits of paw tracks around her until she sat down. She slid down her rear and let her feet go to her side while her knees touched in front of her and pressed her white stockings out into the snow. What happened next is peculiar to me though. I have seen this story play out before but tonight it was different. He broke his bipedal circle and walked to her on all fours like the wolves did before they left the wood here. He sniffed the air wildly and slipped around behind her. He nuzzled his face against her hood until she dropped it down around her neck. She reached up and pulled his nose and scratched the beasts chin. He snarled and sniffed at her neck. Her fingers ran across the velvet feeling ears and he tilted his head sideways panting. Around the front he crawled on all fours again sniffing her wildly and nudging her with his snout. His gaze didn't leave her face as he lay down gently in front of her. She pulled his massive head up to hers and placed her forehead against his. Then looking into those grey eyes she said "how long have we been doing this? How many times have we found each other here?" He shook his snout, looked away, then rested his head in her lap. She stroked his fur and mane and wondered out loud again. "Was it us that found each other, or is there something else to it?" He paid no mind to her words and just felt complete in the moment. I left shortly after for the moment was different and the mood shifted as they became soul mates drifting down the paths stars walk. they were remembering the feeling of ancient lusts and love drift into the present. I felt I didn't need to be a part of this spectacle anymore. Their moment was their own and I needed to let them have it. I wondered how many times they'd come to these woods separately only to meet now. Back into the dark heart of the woods I walked unseen, forgotten by the tongues of man, remembered only in faery tales and myths. -Benjamin Stachkunas 12/12/12

[lordreddog]

Ports in the Storm.

"This was a point in another (apartment) complex where we knew there was a soda machine available 24/7. We'd hike here when we were out and about being little creatures of the night! Sword fighting and smoking, wrestling and jokin. The long hours of night on youth. I love just hiking up here, to see if there still exists a soda machine for the night people wandering about." -Benjamin Stachkunas

[lordreddog]

Meanwhile in Dallas...

Yeah, um, there is a Fox News store in the Dallas Airport. This is not a joke.

[lordreddog]

So I shit in their sink...