Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Show & Tell
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
almost home
The Bowery Presents
Claire Keane

Love Begins

#extradirty
untitled
Cosimo Galluzzi

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macklin celebrini has autism
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Not today Justin

gracie abrams
Color Me Curious
The Bright Sessions
KIROKAZE

if i look back, i am lost
One Nice Bug Per Day

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@lori-taylor-blog1
lori-taylor :
jenn hasn’t done lowen since she was sitting in my car and we were driving down the great ocean road what a fake bitch
amanda said she’d write my natelina reply on the plane and she had 14 hours to do it and now it’s been six days and still not a single word what an even faker bitch tbh
it’s been a year and jenn and i are together now and we are literally lowen
it’s been 6 months and i still haven’t replied i’m so sorry baby i love you
i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like when i am sad i don’t cry i pour when i am happy i don’t smile i glow when i am angry i don’t yell i burn
Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
good people || omni dallas hotel, august 2015
owen-gaffney:
There were a lot of virtues Owen was still trying to pin down, but he liked to think he’d come a long way on patience. Helped to have days there wasn’t much to do ‘cept sit with the radio, Led Zeppelin for the third time that day, the shop quiet enough to hear the front desk’s bell through the wall. At least, it made a difference for the times like these – were there other times like these? – when the twenty seconds of floor count-down felt like two minutes, standing there, watching. Felt like twelve. And he could feel her looking at him where his peripheral cut out, but he tried to look back without turning his head, anyway, just to prove she was there.
And then he did turn his head. ‘Cause, really, what was the point in playing shy?
She got the picture. Tasted like wine smelled from the chair next to his mother’s glass, faint red metal as she opened her mouth. So much for patience – as soon as the doors closed, Owen was nudging her against the railing for leverage, something he could lean her against so he could lean into her. There was no room for nuance. The table too small for both of them, suddenly crowded with both her hands on him; well, alone, he could volley back, and it was the sort of big elevator that only came in big luxury hotels, but Lori was wearing perfume, see? So light it almost disappeared, the way her teeth scraped his tongue.
A guy could wish for a closer space. A guy did – he was tugging her away from the wall he’d just pushed her to when the doors opened again, ‘cause he hadn’t bothered to get them moving, and for a few seconds, their eyes were open. You’re a mess, she’d said. Same dimple she had now, lining the side of her smile. Owen twisted to press one of the buttons behind him – the highest, the top-most, the longest possible ride – and then met her again, her head already tilting to find his palm.
These were her hands under his jacket, shaping him up. Her dress made a silhouette and now he could feel it, the dip in her back, the gentle lines he thumbed that traced what she was wearing underneath. Whites were sweet, had to be kept on ice, barely recognizable under all the warmth spilling out of her – and it had been so long since he’d had – since he’d had anything, months since someone else’s breath – and he had to stay clear stay clear stay clear enough to press the right floor before they hit the top, so they’d go right back down without a hitch.
They were joined on floor 15 by a young girl in a swimsuit, who deliberately avoided their eyes when Owen finally slid his hips away from hers. For the next seven numbers, he was close enough to feel a sort of static – in his head, he knew, but he was careful to avoid the railing in case of shock, anyway – and all his relief came out in a sigh once it was their turn to get off. It made sense her hand would fit in his, smaller but slotted for his fingers as he pulled her the few more doors to his room. She was quiet, waiting for the keycard to light up green. She stayed quiet and close.
There was something about elevator music. Always loud, but never upbeat enough to beat out the silence of strangers. It was hard to keep out a breath, in those moments -- scared to draw attention, disrupt the natural order. Breathe through your nose, they told her at school. Breathe through your nose, and you’ll never have to pull back for air. And it was hard to know whether or not to say “good morning,” or “good day,” while pressing on buttons, and closing doors, and trying to keep it all in her chest. There was something, had to be some sort of elevator etiquette. (Right?) Lori was happy she’d said something, this time ‘round -- with the numbers ticking ticking up, and the music, and his breath all in her head.
Noise wasn’t an issue, here -- like the Ed Sheeran song filtering through the ballroom walls (with her back on wood) (with her back on metal) -- hearing how his mouth tasted. Lori had to-- she had to hold onto something, hold onto him, with her hands yanking out his shirt. Tucked into him, against the railing. No air in the elevator, no air between them; his fingers stretched across her back, pressing into fabric over lace over nothing. Lori could press, too -- legs cool pushing against his belt buckle, her tongue lining his bottom lip.
It was involuntary-- the way her hips rolled forward when Owen moved away. Wished that she could lock the sigh back in his mouth. Smile back into his smile. But Lori blinked, and smoothed out the creases she’d created down the back of his coat-- and there was a little girl, now, standing in the corner of the elevator. A squeak: (was that Lori?) the rubber rings, puffed up around the girl’s arms, shifted as she backed into the wall. Lori had to count all the exhales she couldn’t take (make), with the small stranger in the swimsuit making all the sounds silent again.
Out in the hall, she still couldn’t breathe. Like she’d just ran a full flight of stairs (the wind in her chest) (her heart catching time in her ears). He must’ve felt it, too; his fingers on her wrist on her pulse.
There wasn’t a difference between elevators or staircases, see? Her lungs were always full.
And Lori was skipping steps to the door, now -- trailing close behind him with a wet palm. Flexed her fingers across his knuckles. In, out: cheeks red (blue from barely breathing) when the key-card reader lit up green. It was stuffy in the hallway; hot from the heat off his back. Elbows knocking, they were so close. But quiet, she realised, (this type of quiet) (holding his hand till they were in his hotel room) didn't have to be uncomfortable. It wasn't. But it was hard to blink in the dark. Even harder with Owen reaching to flick the light on above the sink in the entryway; leaving her to wipe her own fingers over her skirt. Hadn’t been so far away from him since she’d sat down on the table in the lobby. This was the door closed against her back, now, and the minimal lighting casting shadows across the carpet. Only her thighs touching. Owen tugged till his tie was loose around his neck. She couldn’t stop looking at him. Inhaling through her nose. Wanted to see more -- really see, y’know?
She shifted, and kicked off her heels.
They met in the middle. Lori was the first one to move, (had been the one to make a move in the first place, even) making a grab for his collar. And it was like Owen knew it was coming-- like he was ready for it-- the almost instant pressure of his mouth on hers. Tongue against her teeth. Teeth against his lip. Lori blindly trying to pull the suit jacket off his shoulders. Had the type of pounding in her head that wasn’t caused by alcohol, or a beating, but this: button after button, and Owen slowly dragging the zipper down the back of her dress.
Why do you love Lori?
“I–I mean, I don’t know. It’s not something you can explain.” Try. Okay. He fought the warmth on his face. “She’s soft. Looks good in my clothes. She says she’s sorry too much, but she always means it. And she doesn’t care who I used to be, y’know? The kind of girl who makes a guy wanna stay good. You find that, you’ve gotta keep it. You don’t have a choice.”
Omni Dallas Hotel, August 2015
a stranger's hand clutched in mine / i'll take this chance, so call me blind / i've been waiting all my life / please don't scar this young heart / just take my hand / please don't go, i've been waiting so long / oh, you don't even know me at all / but i was made for loving you
good people || omni dallas hotel, august 2015
owen-gaffney:
It was an easy name to pronounce. Didn’t know any other Owens (there were so many Dannys) but he never had a teacher say it wrong, or swallow the letters. He was glad for that. Noticeable but never too noticeable. Simple but never common. His father’s name on felt placards by pianos, the letters a little uneven but still readable, still his, the same every time he sat down and swept the keys and said it into the mic.
Okay. Well, for the… six of you who don’t know me, my name’s Owen, I’m that guy’s brother, and I’m really gonna try to keep this short.
Like a song you listen to ’til you forget why it’s good. It was four times a week, Owen said his name out loud to a room that knew it but nodded anyway — or sometimes just to himself, in the church parking lot, if he knew it wasn’t a day for sharing. He knew the structure so well it was second-hand to him now, all his introductions also descriptions, now: Owen And. Like a word you say over and over again so it stops sounding like a word at all — and there are some words stay heavy forever, but they just drown out all the easy ones.
She said it full and slow. She smiled while she did it — not big, just real — and her knee hit his knee where her dress had slid up to show it off. Some songs you forget ’til someone else brings it back. “Well, maybe just a little weepy.” Wasn’t it better to be honest, anyway? Lori had her tongue in her teeth, so it was only fair for him to show some of that sheepishness, pushing up the very back of his hair with his hand. The smile he sent back took half his mouth. The other half was still trying to figure out what to do. “Guess it runs in the family,” he said. Under the shadow of her eyelashes, blue; Owen let himself lean. “And you. A stranger, by the way.”
Who cries at a stranger’s wedding? She stopped touching him and he followed her fingers to see where they’d rather be: illustrating her words, empty gestures, nervous. This was Lori and she did the bridal hair. Could’ve hired anyone. Danny and Michelle didn’t have the deepest bank account — he knew, ‘cause the shop was only barely in the black — but there were salons in every strip-mall. Could’ve been anyone out here, sharing a hallway table. Could’ve wound up out here alone.
“A guy like me,” he echoed. His turn to look at the rug, the interrupted tile lines, and nod. She was nervous but Owen, Owen could breathe, and he unseated his water bottle to put it off to the side. He could sit up easier, without it crinkling between his legs. “Maybe I was holding out for a bridesmaid.” Hadn’t dated more than a couple girls since the program started — since it really started — and weddings were a serious suggestion, but this was better. He could say it better than that. “Maybe a stylist?” And their shoulders were already brushing but he pressed in again, like an elbow nudge that didn’t stop after contact. A joke that turned his wrist so his knuckles found her leg. He didn’t shift away.
“Maybe a little,” she agreed, with her head scratching back against the wall. Teeth pressed and aching behind a smile. Another smile. “You’re a mess.” His eyes weren’t wet, were they? Blue and bright. Attentive. Some people looked without really seeing, listened without hearing-- but they were skin to skin, here, and his eyes were catching the lobby lights. Bright and blue. Lori talked fast, said a lot (too much), but he was holding all the moments past the breaths in between. Not many people did that, y’know? Not for her, anyway. And when Owen looked, he looked. Something about alcohol, and tunnel vision, and she started using her hand to flatten down the tie against his dress shirt.
There was plenty of vacant space around them, but Lori couldn’t find any of it.
He wasn’t a mess. She was a mess.
The suit jacket was too-well tailored -- not enough stretch against his biceps. She wondered how the fabric held together, with his fingers skipping over the hair at the nape of his neck. Wondered how that felt. How that would feel. But it was the comparison -- runs in the family -- that had her -- and you -- fisting the side of the table. “Cryin’s fine,” with her chest rising. Sentiments between strangers were still sentiments, they were still something. Family and Lori in a sentence that wasn’t fractured, and broken up, that meant something, okay? And everybody (lonely people) cried at weddings.
“A stranger?” Mimicking him, trying to make something missing from her voice. Chest falling. “Now, c’mon, I happen to know a lot, ‘kay? I mean, you’ve got a brother who just got married, and a mother who really likes her wine,” she had her fingers on her lips, covering another smile. “You’re scared of becomin’ a headline, and cryin’ on camera.” He didn’t seem to talk much, but she was more than fine with filling in the silence. “You give one hell of a best man’s speech. I mean, I’m impressed.” Could write it off as nerves, or the chardonnay served at every table back inside, but this was all Lori. Thinking out loud. “Not strange enough to think that you’re a good person.” That was all Owen, warm by her side.
Until it started to feel hot, the way the blush in her cheeks caught in her throat. The brief moment of insecurity, ‘cause she wasn’t a bridesmaid (would never be a bridesmaid) (would probably never be a bride) (no father-daughter dance). But she could see clearer, now: the light splay of freckles across his nose. His thumb on her thigh, stroking skin that her skirt couldn’t reach. “Guess it’s lucky I’m not booked up, then.” She hummed, ‘cause it didn’t take much for a girl like Lori. He knew what he was doing. She knew it, too, when she moved his hand further up her leg. Toyed with his tie a little more. “D’you wanna get out of here?” Like she needed further confirmation-- ‘cause she did, ‘cause it was Lori -- of what this was. What this was about to be, or could be-- maybe what it always was. It could’ve been anyone else out here, with fingers under her dress. She could’ve wound up out here alone.
lori-taylor:
owen-gaffney:
lori-taylor:
jenn hasn’t done lowen since she was sitting in my car and we were driving down the great ocean road what a fake bitch
amanda said she’d write my natelina reply on the plane and she had 14 hours to do it and now it’s been six days and still not a single word what an even faker bitch tbh
it is now almost christmas 2016 and i still have not written my natelina reply and jenn still hasn’t done her lowen reply from APRIL what a couple of dumb cunts
241 days later, on january 5th 2017, lowen was Revived
lori-taylor :
jenn hasn’t done lowen since she was sitting in my car and we were driving down the great ocean road what a fake bitch
amanda said she’d write my natelina reply on the plane and she had 14 hours to do it and now it’s been six days and still not a single word what an even faker bitch tbh
it is now almost christmas 2016 and i still have not written my natelina reply and jenn still hasn’t done her lowen reply from APRIL what a couple of dumb cunts
✺