author’s note: when mentioning Taeil’s “friends”, Taeil’s “group” I am not refering to any member of NCT.
⊹ ︶︶︶ ୨୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ⊹ ︶︶︶ ୨୧ ︶︶︶
First year of college was going amazing for what you initially imagined student life to be, it wasn’t as scary, nor as complicated, those being said you had a pretty good new start studying interior design .
Although, starting Uni didn’t mean you had to move cities, you stayed at you and your brother’s apartment in Seoul in which you’ve been living for the past 2 years . You and Anton were living in the highest point of the apartment building in Gangam , your parents decided to let you live together to gain some independence as well as giving you guys your own privacy, and the apartment was big enough for that.
You guys were well off giving the fact that both of your parents were doctors but never showed it too much or liked to brag about it remaining humble and hardworking.
Anton was studying computer science which made him locked in his room for hours, either that, or being away for days due to team projects or research. Nevertheless that didn’t mean you guys didn’t get to spend some brother-sister time. With each opportunity you guys hanged out alone or with your friends , Heesung and Jake who were in 2nd year of computer science same as your brother , as well as Sunghoon and Jay who were studying medicine. The 5 of them went to high school together and happened to stick with each other. Then there were your girlfriends, Yunjin and Hanni with whom you were classmates.
As much as time allowed it you liked going out for drinks or late night drives with the girls and some boys from your year , helping you get some things off your mind and relax from all the uni work. Maybe hanging out at home with Anton and his friends would’ve been a good idea as well but for the past few months you’ve been feeling tense around them , or maybe shy even, which hasn’t happened before since you’ve been knowing these guys for years. The reason behind these emotions could be due to Heesung growing on you lately ,an idea that you constantly tried to brush off. Maybe it was his new look? His hair? His glasses? His voice? His gaze? You don’t know what it was but it drove you insane.
You didn’t want to think of him like that not because you don’t like him, but you didn’t want to grow feelings that you knew wouldn’t be validated. The most Heesung saw you as was a sister, a close friend, his best friend’s sibling of course…
Because of that , because of you trying to get over the idea of Heesung ,that felt like it was eating you from the inside ,you started giving signals and getting close to this one guy in your year with whom you hanged out in groups too, Taeil.
Taeil wasnt exactly your physical type but he had a bright personality,really extroverted and was a self-proclaimed “party animal”. He acted somewhat sweet towards you, of course when his “homeboys” weren’t around, he couldn’t risk showing much affection in their presence, he had to keep an image after all, right?
The only times he didn’t care were the times when he was almost blackout drunk caressing your hair and having his warm hand around your shoulders. Warmth that you accepted , deep down wishing it wasn’t his, but Heesung’s. You took in every bit of Taeil’s attention and said “affection” so you wouldn’t feel the need for Heesung’s.
Taeil had bad habits, really bad habits, drugs to be more clear. His parents were rich as well ,so he could afford it in two shakes and having a dealer as one of his close friends was a bonus.
His habits were tamed as he liked to say, weed was once in a blue moon and he “barely” tried coke.
You liked to live with that lie, chose to live with that lie, how did you know it was a lie? Well he wasn’t that shy talking about these things around you or his other friends, it probably made him feel like some type of super cool interesting guy, although, he was more careful with talking about coke around you as it was a more serious topic than some weed.
You hated the idea of drugs , any kind, you knew what it does to people and the ones around them , you never went further than smoking some cigarettes and occasionally drinking , you knew your limits and you liked to keep them the way they were.
Despise that, you grew attached to Taeil thinking you’re starting to actually like him, he started being more gentle and close to you, taking you on rides and chitchatting, showing you this “whole new” persona of him. You gaslight yourself into thinking that he might actually give up drugs entirely.
You and Taeil eventually made out drunk at a party , or he made out with you drunk at party. Summer just started , all exams were taken and as 50% of you was mostly liquor cocktails you went with it, desperately feeling the need of some touch and affection, you couldn’t bare it anymore. It didn’t go further than kissing and some touching , an usual make out session, you didn’t want it to go further than that although Taeil suggested multiple times to “go to a room”.
After that ,you started hanging out more with him alone , at times when you were leaving the house the boys and Anton were giving this look of “who is she meeting all dolled up”.
The only one knowing about you and Taeil was Sunghoon. Being Yunjin’s boyfriend he sometimes got to hang out with you guys , you literally had to beg him to keep shut. Sunghoon knew Taeil could hurt you, knew his “habits” ,Hoon didn’t want you to get hurt as you were his friend too, so it was hard to convince him to not talk about it with the boys , especially with Anton, if your brother were to found out,he’d actually disinherit you, but after all ,it was nothing too serious about you and Taeil.
You tried explaining this to the girls too, who were not so fond of Taeil ,telling them it was a summer fling , it was you having some “fun” and a “fuckboy” moment but the only thing you got in return was “Girl you’re anything BUT a fuckboy” and they were right , you were a lover girl constantly lying to herself that she’s okay and accepting of all of this, you weren’t the “player” , you were getting played.
It was now the middle of july , you and Taeil were still a thing , nothing official because you didn’t want it to be but he was becoming more sweet and talkative wanting to take you on dates that you subtly dodged.
At your apartment you were left alone once again since Anton left at a summer study camp for the week. When your brother was leaving Heesung or Jake often came by to work on his set-up letting you know beforehand when and that they were coming over ,even though they were trustworthy enough to know your house’s key passcode.
Today Heesung came by in the afternoon making himself comfortable and starting to do his work. Later on ,the two of you barely got to exchange some words when you ordered some take-out and ate together. It was probably the first time in weeks since you’ve talked this much.
“Aah I’m full i’ll go take a shower and clean up after” you said as Heesung watched you get up from the table , him still eating.
He shook his head swallowing his bite “No,don’t worry about it i’ll clean up, then get back to my stuff”
“Are you going somewhere?” he continued
looking into your eyes which gave you a small shiver.
“Uhh yeah there’s at a party at Sakura’s house, i’ll be coming home late” you said in a low tone.
“Is that guy Taeil coming too?” Heesung said digging into his jajangmyeon.
You’re so dead Park Sunghoon
You froze , trying to form plausible answer
“uhm…i don’t know…why..?” you said trying to maintain your composure.
“Just asking.” he blankly said going back to eating ,you whispering a “right…” as you rushed out of the kitchen.
A few hours later, Yunjin and Hanni came by to pick you up so you could go together to Sakura’s house party.
“Where yo man at?” you asked Yun, raising your brow with a funny look on your face.
“He’s stuck at home studying so he’ll pass this one ,why ?” she replied smiling.
“Put some shaving cream in his brow gel for me please.” you said, the girls bursting out laughing.
“Mf snitched on me to Heesung , what if my brother finds out?? I’ll be literally dead” you said in a stressed voice.
“Okay love, i’ll hide his tweezers” Yunjin giggled.
Sakura’s mansion was packed with people , Taeil wasn’t in sight as he told you he’ll be there later. That being said, you went on to get a drink or two , danced and had a few smoke breaks as he finally arrived.
You went to greet him with a kiss since you guys haven’t seen each other in a while. Though , Taeil didn’t really seem to have much time for you going to meet his more important bros.
Time went by, you had a few more drinks, enough to keep somewhat sober as you hear Taeil talking to his friend to go get “the good stuff”.
“What?” his friend asked.
“Coke damn it” Taeil almost screamed in the small room they were in and at which you were eavesdropping.
You panicked. You didn’t want any of that stuff around you or done around you. You were starting to get mad. Knowing Taeil, it wasn’t a surprise , although you convinced yourself that he was starting to get better, he proved you wrong.
Before going to confront Taeil about it , you stood there in shock thinking of how many times this had happened behind your back. Was it at every party ? Was it at his house? Was it when the two of you met? Your head was a mess.
You didn’t question it at first but now that you thought about it, at every outing ,Taeil always used to leave your side for a good couple of minutes.
You finally pulled Taeil into a room him getting all cocky thinking you’re going to have a great make out session.
“Listen, I heard you, I heard what you want to do , now, i don’t care , but if you’ll do fucking coke HERE with all these people around, with ME around i’m leaving,i don’t stand with that, i don’t like that.”
Looking into his eyes , he nodded seeming to understand, an “okay” leaving his mouth.
After staying a strong half an hour mad at him you dragged him into a room to cuddle cuz you felt so pressed about the situation praying not to cry and seeking some comfort ,it felt so wrong, it was so wrong.
As you were in his arms listening to his breath and heartbeat , a message popped up on his phone Taeil giving his all for you to not see his screen, not as if you cared, but then he had to suddenly use the bathroom, for 15 fucking minutes. Was this going where you thought it was going?
15 minutes he went back in forth in that stupid bathroom as you could hear his voice and steps on the hall.
As Taeil finally came back he suddenly couldn’t control his hormones. He started kissing, touching, and kissing again but you weren’t having it so you slowly pushed him using your tiredness as an excuse.
Suddenly some random girl pulled into the room as Taeil waved at her to sit on the bed.
What the fuck is he doing and WHY DID SHE LOCK THE DOOR?! you though to yourself as you got onto the edge of the bed perpelexed at the man and the girl standing next to you.
You were now watching the girl get on top of him and now they were making out, in your fucking face , you couldnt move for a whole minute , just staring at them.
Finally Taeil broke from the kiss , the girl leaving out a giggle “Thought we might, you know have some more fun , the more the merrier right?” he said with a filthy smirk on his dumb face taking your hand in his and starting to put it on his body then the girl’s body, trying to pull you into a kiss with both of them.
You aggressively pull back getting up from the bed “What the fuck Taeil?? what is this what do you think you’re doing??” you said looking into his eyes , then you noticed something
“Oh cmon i thought you might like it if you try it” he said almost whining.
“Let her be babe we can go on by ourselves if she doesn’t want to” the girl said grabbing Taeil’s chin to make him look at her.
“Babe?!” you yelled “You know if you were to have some other bitches after your ass you could’ve at least fucking told me Taeil” you said outraged.
“We re nothing official y/n, we’re nothing serious why would you even care?” he sighed “i just wanted to have some fun , i’m just a horny teenager after all”. You just stared back at him in shock and despise.
“Right , I’m the one at fault for actually starting to grow feelings for someone like you.”
Taeil got off the bed coming towards you as you took a step back , he reached for your hand which you dodged he then grabbed you by your shoulders “Cmon y/n ,don’t leave me like this” he said starting to tighten his grip and putting his hand on your waist to pull you closer “I actually have feelings for you too”
“Yeah where? In your dick? Since you like to think with it too”
You pulled back leaving his touch and slapping his face so hard hoping it will leave a mark.
You bursted out of the room grabbing your stuff and immediately leaving Sakura’s place,tears in your eyes as you waited for an uber to drive you home. You left without a word so you sent a message to the girls letting them know you left the party earlier and that you’ll explain everything in the morning.
You stared blankly at your lock as you tapped in the passcode and slowly getting in. It was barely 12 a.m. and there was light coming from the living room , you thought Heesung might’ve left it on by accident.
As you barely dragged your feet across the hall to your room, tears still uncontrollably running down your cheeks you see a blurry vision of Heesung packing his stuff as he stops and stares at you.
You couldnt verbalize anything just looking back at him. Heesung immediately drops what he’s doing and comes to you hastily, grabbing your shoulders then cupping your face as if to see if you’re intact, as if you’d break at any moment now. You could only focus on his worried and agitated face as he saw you at your lowest point.
“Heesung-ah…”you squeked, then breaking into a loud cry as he pulled you into his arms, you fell to the floor as if your legs lost all its muscle him going down with you.
You were now crying into Heesung’s arms like mad, him holding you as though anyone was going to take you from him , caressing your soft hair, you holding onto him like it was your last breath. Through sobs you let out a “Taeil-ssi-“
“Oh i know…” he whispered slowly “he’s dead.” he said pulling you closer
