★ 요약 - based off of this reel, in which your boyfriend riki can’t stop bragging about how cute you are while you’re sleeping on the couch.
warnings : none ( proceeds to write down som anyway) , straight fluff, skinship, established relationship, enhypen members cameo, cat-like attributes for reader, bunch of cat nicknames from riki. ( please for the love of God don’t take this in a pick-me way, some people are just really that small and dainty (not me tho stay safe yall) ).
Riki says, perching on the back of the couch, looking out the window. The enhypen members are all sitting on the couch next to him, some on their phones, some focusing on the dumb comedy movie playing on the tv.
“Ooh she’s there,” he points at the patio sofa through the glass window. “So cute.”
He’s not even trying to be subtle about it.
Riki is balanced on the back of the sofa like a cat, his chin resting on his hands as he stares intently through the glass door at you. You’re curled up on the patio sofa, fast asleep under a light blanket, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s currently making you the center of attention in his little world.
“Look, look, guys look.” he says all exited, finger flicking at the glass.
"Riki, she's literally just sleeping," Heeseung teases, though there's a fond smile on his face as he watches the youngest's expression.
"She's been asleep for twenty minutes. Let the girl rest.."
"But look at her," Riki insists, his voice dropping into that low, velvety tone he gets when he’s being sincere, his eyes softening in a way that he usually reserves only for the most important things in his life.
"She looks so peaceful. Like a little doll or something. How is she that cute?"
Jay lets out a dramatic sigh, leaning back and stretching his limbs. "She's precious, yeah yeah, can we watch the movie now?"
"Just a second," Riki mutters, not moving an inch.
He’s in his own world, that observant, introspective side of him taking in every detail of your sleeping form. He notices the way your hair is slightly messy against the cushion and the way your breathing is steady and calm, to him, it’s the most captivating thing in the world. He looks like he wants to run out there and wrap you in a side hug just to feel the warmth of you, but he stays put, content to just admire you from afar, his heart clearly full.
The day has been rough, you’ve been pretty busy and he hasn’t had time to take care of you, which pains him, he always feels the utmost need to provide with you, something he’s never felt before.
‘Her back must hurt from standing all day’, he thinks. ‘I bet she could use a massage, or a hug…’
He's spent so much of his life being "Ni- ki," the powerhouse, the professional, the one everyone in the industry looks up to. But with you, he gets to just be Riki. He gets to be the one who is looked after, the one who is loved without any pretenses, but most importantly, he gets to tend to you and make you the happiest girl ever.
He lets out a soft, huffing laugh, shaking his head at his own obsession. He wants to go out there, wrap his long arms around you, and pull you into his chest, but he doesn't want to disturb your rest. For now, he's satisfied with just being your biggest fan from a distance, bragging to anyone who will listen about how precious his 'kitten' is.
He's so focused on you that he doesn't even realize the members have started a quiet commentary session on his "lovesick" behavior.
Jungwon leans forward, resting his chin on his palm, watching the way Riki's eyes haven't left the glass for a single second.
"You're going to wear a hole in the window if you keep staring like that Ki," he whispers with a knowing grin.
Riki doesn't even look back at his leader; he just scoffs softly, that cool, slightly reserved persona flickering for a moment before melting back into pure adoration.
“I don’t care, isn’t she just so-” He pauses, his gaze softening as he watches a stray breeze ruffle the edge of your blanket. "she looks so small out there. Like she needs someone to make sure the wind doesn't blow her away."
"You're such a softie," Jake laughs, nudging Riki's leg. "Not so emo anymore… "
Riki finally turns his head just a fraction, a small, shy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, he’s amused by the comment he received countless times, telling him he looks dark and broody, but inside he’s a sweetheart.
"Seriously though," Riki continues, his voice dropping to a hushed, reverent whisper as he gestures wildly toward the glass. "Look at her hands. They're so tiny, it's actually wild. She's literally just a little blob of something out there. If anyone even breathes too loud near that patio, I'm actually gonna lose it."
Jay snorts, leaning back with a smirk.
"You're so whipped, it's embarrassing You always out there acting so cool in front of the cameras, but the second she's around, you're a mess."
"Bro, hello, can you blame me? Have you seen my girl? " Riki retorts, a smug, lopsided grin spreading across his face.
He doesn't even try to deny it; he's too busy admiring the way the sunlight hits your hair, his biggest pride. He turns back to the window, his expression turning thoughtful and introspective, thinking about how much he wants to go out there, not to wake you, but just to sit at your feet and be near you, the way he always finds himself gravitating toward his hyungs when he needs comfort. He wants to be your protector, even if it's just shielding you from the moonlight or the stupid chill in the air.
"Riki," Sunghoon calls out softly, "the movie is starting. Sit your ass down."
"One more minute, holdon," Riki pleads like a kid who’s been taken away his Ps5. “she looks just like a cat. Should i bring her a blanket?”.
The man doesn’t even wait for an answer, making up whatever excuse to come see you. The moment the thought crosses his mind, his eyes light up with that mischievous, boyish energy he gets when he’s decided on a mission, and nex thing you know, he’s already shifting his weight, preparing to spring from the back of the couch.
"She looks just like a kitty," he thinks to himself, his gaze lingering on the way you’ve curled into a tiny, soft ball on the outdoor sofa. To him, you look precious, delicate, and entirely too comfortable to be disturbed yet, he’s already feeling that protective instinct swell in his chest.
"Riki, don’t wake her up.” Sunoo warns, though he's already smiling, knowing exactly how Riki's brain works.
"I won't wake her," Riki defends himself, his voice dropping into that determined, bold tone he uses when he's focused on a goal. “I just wanna see her.”
He’s already halfway off the couch, his movements fluid and graceful, a testament to all those years of honing his craft. He doesn't just walk; he moves with a purpose, heading toward the linen closet, his mind already racing. He isn't just looking for any blanket, no, he’s looking for the softest, warmest one, the one that feels like a hug.
As he wanders back into the living room, he passes the members, ignoring their stifled chuckles, he’s in his own world, driven by that singular, sweet goal of making sure you're cozy. He grabs a thick, plush throw and creeps toward the glass doors, pausing for a second, looking back at the members one last time with a look of intense, serious concentration as if he's about to perform the most difficult task of his life, “Stop laughing at me. One day when you’ll all have girlfriends best believe i’ll be the first one to laugh.”
He slides the door open with agonizing slowness, the sound of the track barely a whisper, steps out onto the patio, the cool night air hitting him, but he doesn't care. He approaches the sofa with soft, measured steps, his eyes fixed on youe reaching the edge of the sofa and kneeling dow, carefully, so incredibly carefully, he begins to drape the edge of the blanket over your shoulders, as he tucks it around you, he can't help himself. He leans in just a little closer, his hand hovering near your hair for a second before he gently, almost imperceptibly, brushes a stray strand away from your face.
"So cute,” he whispers, a tiny, private smile tugging at his lips, his heart doing a little skip because even in your sleep, you managed to completely disarm him and make him the weakest man in the world.
He stays there for a moment, kneeling on the patio floor, perfectly content to just watch you breathe, feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
As he watches you, the comparison he’s been making in his head for months feels more undeniable than ever. It’s not just the way you curl up into a tight, cozy ball or the way you seem to find the exact sunniest or in this case, moonlit spot to nap. You have this quiet, soft energy that reminds him of a kitten sometimes a little shy, sometimes incredibly playful when you feel comfortable, but always possessing a delicate grace that makes him want to reach out and protect you. He thinks about how you can be so tiny and soft one moment, and then so bold and spirited the next, much like a kitten discovering its own claws.
He reaches out, his fingers hovering just inches from your cheek. He’s always been someone who expresses affection through touch a side hug for a member, a pat on the head, a gentle nudge and even though he can be a bit shy about being overly "lovey dovey" with words when people are watching, his hands always seem to find you.
“Just like a baby cat.” he thinks, a fond, lopsided smile spreading across his face.
He remembers the first time he realized it. You had been tucked into the corner of the sofa, eyes half lidded and sleepy, looking up at him with that specific, curious gaze that felt so familiar. In that moment, his heart had done that strange, fluttering thing, and he’d realized he didn't just like you; he felt a deep, instinctive need to look after you.
Slowly, emboldened by the silence of the night and the fact that you’re still deep in dreamland, he lets his hand descend. He doesn't quite pet you, he doesn't want to startle you but he lets the back of his knuckles graze your temple, a feather light touch that is purely, unadulterly affectionate.
"My pretty girl.” he breathes, the words so quiet they’re barely a vibration in the air.
He stays there, kneeling on the hard patio floor, completely unbothered by the discomfort. He’s a dancer; he knows how to hold a pose, how to endure, how to be disciplined, but this isn't discipline, it’s a necessity.
Inside, through the glass, he can see the blurry shapes of the members moving around, but to Riki, the world has shrunk down to just this patio, this blanket, and the sleeping girl who holds his heart between her palms.
The feather light touch of his knuckles against your temple is what finally pulls you from the depths of sleep. It’s a sensation so gentle, so familiar, that you don't even startle; instead, you let out a tiny, soft sigh, your eyelashes fluttering against your cheeks as you slowly blink your eyes open.
The first thing you see is the moonlight filtering through the trees, and the second thing you see is him.
Riki is kneeling right there, his face just inches from yours. In the dim light, his features look softer, more vulnerable than the Ni- ki the world sees on stage. His eyes are wide and filled with a warmth so intense it feels like he’s looking at something precious and fragile.
"Oh..." he breathes, his voice a low, velvety murmur that vibrates in the quiet night air.
He doesn't pull away. In fact, he leans in just a fraction more, his expression a mix of relief that you're awake and a lingering, quiet adoration.
"You're awake, kitten." He says it so naturally, so effortlessly, as if the nickname is the most obvious thing in the world.
As your vision clears, you realize you’re tucked tightly under a plush, warm blanket the one he just brought out for you. You feel the warmth enveloping you, and then you feel the weight of his gaze, which is so heavy and focused it's almost tangible.
"Did... did you bring this?" you mumble, your voice thick with sleep, your eyes still a little heavy.
Riki’s cheeks flush a faint pink in the moonlight, a rare moment of him being caught in his "sweetheart" side. He tries to regain a bit of that composed, 'chalant' demeanor, but the way he can't stop his eyes from searching for yours gives hism away.
"You looked cold," he says simply, though his hand doesn't leave your vicinity. Instead, he moves it from your temple to the side of your face, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw with an incredible, hesitant tenderness. . "And you were sleeping so deeply, i didn't want to disturb you.”
He pauses, his gaze dropping to your lips for a split second before meeting your eyes again, his voice dropping even lower, becoming that intimate, private version of himself that he only shows when it's just the two of you or when he's feeling particularly bold.
"You're so cute when you sleep," he confesses, his shy side warring with his desire to be honest. "I was just telling the hyungs... you look just like a little cat."
He gives you a small, lopsided grin, he looks like he's waiting for your reaction, his heart clearly on his sleeve, completely unbothered by the fact that his members are probably watching him through the glass with funny things to say.
“Mmh” you take his hand in yours, smiling “you’re cute. come lay down with me” you make space in the sofa for him behind you.
A soft, embarrassed huff escapes his lips, but he can't hide the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. "Me? Cute?" he repeats, his voice a playful, low rumble, trying to reclaim a bit of his bravado. "I’ve done nothing but prove i’m an alpha wolf, you always do me dirty.”
But he doesn't argue for long. As you shift to make space, patting the spot behind you, his indulgent side takes over. He doesn't hesitate, moving with that effortless, feline grace of his, sliding onto the narrow sofa. He settles in behind you, his large frame providing an immediate, comforting warmth.
Riki doesn't just sit near you; he pulls you back against his chest, his arms wrapping around your waist to tuck you securely into his space. It’s that affectionate, protective side of him coming out in full force the way he always wants to be physically connected to the people he loves. He rests his chin on your shoulder, his breath warm against your neck, and you can feel the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart against your back.
"Better?" he whispers, his voice vibrating through your spine.
He closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of your hair, finally letting himself relax. Through the glass door, you can see the faint, blurry silhouettes of the members still watching. You can almost hear Jay and Heeseung teasing him silently, but Riki doesn't care. He pulls the blanket up higher, covering both of you, and squeezes you just a little tighter.
"Don't go back to sleep too fast," he murmurs into your ear, his tone turning slightly mischievous as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. "Because if you do, I might start bragging about how cute you are all over again. I swear that’s all i do these days."
You let out a soft, sleepy giggle, the sound muffled by the plush blanket and the warmth of his chest. Even in your drowsy state, you can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks, and you know he’s probably blushing hard enough to rival a bonfire.
"They’re literally watching you through the glass. They're gonna think you've gone soft."
He scoffs, but there’s no real bite to it. Instead, he nuzzles closer, his nose brushing against your cheek in a way that feels incredibly cat like, mirroring the very nickname he gave you.
"Let em watch," he mutters, his voice dropping into that nonchalant tone he uses when he's trying to act like he isn't totally whipped. "they're just jealous cause they don't have a kitten to cuddle."
He shifts his weight, pulling you even tighter against him until there's no space left between you. His long legs tangle with yours, and his large hands rest protectively over your stomach, anchoring you to him. It’s a heavy, grounding sensation that makes you feel incredibly safe.
"Seriously though," he whispers, his tone shifting back to that sweet, earnest version of himself as he kisses the top of your head. "Stay awake for a little longer. I missed you today."
You hum in response, closing your eyes and melting into his embrace. The cool night air from the patio is kept at bay by the thick blanket and the overwhelming warmth of his body. As you drift back toward the edge of sleep, the last thing you feel is the gentle, rhythmic stroking of his thumb against your hand, and the quiet, contented sigh of a boy who is exactly where he wants to be.
a/n: y'all are lovinggg these fwb smaus im crine - also my first heeseung post too! yayyyyy (how we feelin abt him officially opening his weverse... ion wanna talk abt it...)
your birthdays are different now that he’s with you.
You don't remember why, but the birthday parties stopped after you turned 18.
Moving out from home for college, you thought you'd spend your birthday with new faces, over the top parties where your mom would definitely scold you for.
You tried waiting up until 12 a.m. that very night.
Waiting.
Maybe your friends would come with a cake? You see those things happen a lot with other people. However once the time showcased on your phone strikes 12, the door was oddly quiet.
One minute passed, and then two.
Half an hour passes, no one comes.
Your phone, however, already has notifications from the ones you knew for a very long time, high school friends, cousins, siblings.
But no one really showed up.
With a heavy heart, you slept it off with a new knowledge that perhaps this might be how your birthday will go from now on.
Another year passed, 19. Your last teen.
Maybe this time it'll be different? Still miles away from your family however this is pretty big for anyone.
Right?
You waited at 12 again, hoping for a different outcome but as time passes by you were left to whisper yourself a happy birthday and turn to sleep.
During the day, everyone wished you a happy birthday. Something that they found our a few minutes prior, or even seconds. You won't know.
You smile and mutter a small thanks.
Your parents video called you, both singing happy birthday with a fond smile on their faces. You notice their hair greyer. Wrinkles noticable.
You wished to be home.
Ordering yourself tiramisu (small in size, prince student-friendly) and and milk tea as a little treat, you honestly feel content.
Not your happiest, but content.
That didn't stop your wandering eyes, nor the voices screaming at you in your head.
No gifts again?
You're buying cake...for yourself?
It's your last teen, no flowers?
Have you even gotten flowers before?
You brushed it off, "I'm at that age where's everything dramatic." You scoff at yourself.
Years passed, now you're way older. In your twenties. Stable job, healthy circle of friends, and a loving boyfriend.
Wait, boyfriend?
Lee Heeseung confessed to you at the end of your undergraduate year, during graduation and ever since then, life has been great.
No unnecessary drama, no messy feelings. He's there when you need him, for casual dates, late night movie session and even during failed job interviews leaving you sobbing in his arms.
The first few months were shy, a little timid. To the both of you, this is your first real relationship. Not a situationship where everything feels unsure.
You still remember the first time he visits your apartment, keeping your eyes on you, as if it's a sin if he looked around. It was hilarious, his face.
And tonight, it's your birthday.
Specifically, half an hour before your birthday.
You already have a set routine, self-care. Shower a little longer, thorough with steps. Your skincare done.
You didn't plan to stay up until this late, but work kept you long and you only arrive home around 10 p.m.
Tomorrow, it's the weekends. A good day in for your birthday.
When the clock strikes 12, you heard your doorbell rang.
You tilt your head in confusion, you don't plan to have visitors. Especially at midnight.
You put on your home slippers as you got off bed, walking to your front door. You peek through the peephole and the sight made you freeze.
Heeseung.
With a large bouquet and cake in his hand.
You immediately open, "Hee?!" He replies with a grin, "Happy Birthday, my sweet girl."
You slam your body against him, into a tight hug making him let out a small oof.
"Why? Your apartment is almost 45 minutes away! Didn't you say you're working overtime today? Why aren't you wearing layers? It's cold!"
He laughs, "Woah, calm down, baby." He kisses your temple with a soft smile on his face. "Who says anything about missing my girl's birthday?"
"You could've just meet me tomorrow!"
"I wanna be the first one. This year onwards." He hums, before bringing your face close to plant a soft kiss on your lips. "Happy Birthday,"
You smile, "Thank you, Hee."
You bring him inside as he kicks his shoe off, walking towards the living room, setting the cake on the coffee table. "Tiramisu?"
"You know it."
He hands you the bouquet. "For you,"
Him and his flowers, you melt everytime.
The first time was during his confession, graduation happened and he steals you away from your parents, handing you your first ever flower.
Comes the first date, the second one and his "just because" flowers.
He sits beside you, cross-legged. Lighting up the candle, and turns to you. "Sing?" He asks, prioritizing your comfortability.
With a smile, you nod. and he immediately sings the birthday song.
On the last part, he kisses your cheek. "Make a wish." You squint your eye, hands clasped and you whisper in your heart.
Please make me spend my whole life with this man.
You blow the candle and he cheers, kissing you again. He really loves kissing, never wanting to stop sometimes.
This is the first birthday you spend with him, it's...refreshing. Like this year alone makes up the years you have spent it alone.
That what you notice Heeseung does to your life. As if all the bad things happened are prerequisites for this life you have now.
"I have the whole day planned tomorrow, of course," He smirks. "But it's up to you, day in or day out?"
"You had it planned for both?" Your eyes widen.
"Who do you take me for, baby?"
a/n: a little self-indulgent fic as my birthday was just a few days ago! if you had yours too or coming, happy birthday !
summary: you fall for him, deeply, blindly. you give him everything—including your first time. but when he confesses it was all part of a bet, your world collapses. months later, he realizes too late that his feelings were real. but now, you’ve moved on, and when he tries to reach you, you make it clear: he doesn’t get a second chance.
pairing: heesung x fem!reader
genre: high school au, angst, heartbreak, slow burn, betrayal, one-sided love, emotional fallout.
warnings: emotional manipulation, virginity loss, betrayal for a bet, mentions of bullying, intense emotional scenes, crying, self-worth issues, explicit heartbreak, mention of physical intimacy, slap scene, heavy angst, no happy ending.
wc: 4,3k
notes: hi!!🩷 thank you so, so much for all the love the first part of this story received, it honestly made me so happy to see the response :D! you guys make me really happy, i love you all so much. stay tuned because i’ll be posting the other two heesung stories i promised you soon <3 also, if you want to be added to the taglists for upcoming fics, feel free to fill out this form! you can specify which groups or idols you’d like to be tagged in, it would help me stay a bit more organized 🫶🏻
you didn’t go to school for two weeks after it happened.
at first, you told your parents you were just tired. that maybe you were coming down with something. that your body ached. and it was true, in a way—your body did ache, but not from any illness they’d understand. the ache sat deep in your chest, in your lungs, in the pit of your stomach. it made it hard to breathe, hard to eat, hard to sleep without waking up in tears.
you cried until your throat burned. until your pillow was soaked. until your fingers curled into your sheets in the middle of the night, wishing you could claw him out of your memory. you kept replaying it over and over again—how he held you, how he kissed your forehead, how gently he moved inside you, how he fed you soup and looked at you like you were made of glass. and then how he broke you in the same room he touched you like you mattered.
you didn’t understand.
you couldn’t understand.
someone who loved with actions—who tied your shoelaces when they came undone, who waited at the gate after school, who sat in silence with you in the library just to be near you—how could that all be a lie? how could someone fake the way his thumb brushed over your hand while you solved equations, or the way he held you like the world outside your bedroom didn’t exist?
you told yourself there had to be something real in it. maybe not all of it. but something. he couldn't have done all that just for a bet… right?
but while you cried yourself sick, the others were laughing.
heesung and his friends—jay, sunghoon, the others who had always hovered around like shadows—were joking about it in the cafeteria. about how you’d fallen hard. about how easy it had been. jay even said he didn’t think you’d go through with it. sunghoon just laughed and said, “i guess love makes girls blind.”
and heesung?
he laughed too.
smirked and said, “i told you. i knew she’d give in. i know her type.”
and maybe something in him tightened when he said it. maybe something in his chest flickered, sharp and bitter. but no one noticed—not even him. because in front of his friends, his pride had to survive. so he played along. like you had meant nothing. like none of it had mattered.
and yet… when you came back, everything changed.
you walked into school two weeks later with your head held a little higher. your eyes were tired, but they didn’t tremble anymore. your uniform was the same, your hair was the same, but there was something different about the way you carried yourself. you smiled at your teacher when she welcomed you back. you answered roll call like nothing was wrong. when people whispered in the halls, you didn’t flinch.
you told everyone your parents had taken you out of town to visit your grandmother. “we didn’t plan it,” you said easily. “they just made the decision last minute. no signal where we were.”
you sat in class like normal. you took notes. you even hummed quietly during break.
and people noticed.
not in the cliché, dramatic way. not like you suddenly became the “hot girl.” it was quieter than that. it was in the way people looked twice when you walked by. the way they hesitated before talking about you. the way they no longer saw you as invisible, but as something they couldn’t quite define.
and heesung noticed too.
he saw the way your posture had changed. the way you didn’t glance around nervously anymore. the way you answered questions with confidence, how you laughed with classmates you never used to talk to. something about your presence was louder now, even if your voice wasn’t.
and for the first time since he left your house, he started remembering.
he remembered how your hands shook when you first held his. how your eyes lit up when he brought you strawberries one afternoon because you mentioned liking them in passing. how he watched you sleep once, and something inside him clenched in a way he didn’t understand back then.
he told himself it was all an act. that he was just playing the part. that every kind gesture, every glance, every soft breath against your skin was planned.
but not all of it was.
some things just... happened. some moments weren’t rehearsed. and now, watching you from across the room, something sharp curled beneath his ribs.
regret.
and that feeling only deepened when, one afternoon, you were walking past the lockers and someone called your name.
“y/n!”
you turned, blinking, and found a boy you didn’t recognize very well—jake, from class 1-b. tall, warm smile, honey-brown hair. he jogged over with a little out-of-breath laugh.
“you dropped this earlier in the hallway,” he said, holding out your pen.
you blinked at it, surprised. “oh… thank you. i didn’t even notice.”
“yeah,” he grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. “figured you’d want it back. it’s cute. the little star charm’s cool.”
you laughed, a small, real sound. “it was a gift. from myself.”
he laughed with you. “solid choice.”
he walked with you to class that day. not flirtatious. just easy. light.
and heesung saw it all from the other end of the hall—your laugh, your comfort, the way jake looked at you like you were bright and new.
and something in his stomach twisted.
for the first time, he wasn’t part of your world.
he had no place there anymore.
and maybe—just maybe—that was the part that hurt the most.
heesung didn’t notice it all at once.
at first, it was just a quiet discomfort. something small. like the subtle ache of a bruise you forgot was there until someone brushed against it. a flicker in his chest that he ignored. a hollow feeling he pushed down with laughter and noise.
he told himself he didn’t care. that he had won. that it was just a bet and he had gotten what he wanted. his friends kept saying it, too—how easy it was, how good the payoff had been, how funny it was that you actually cried.
but every time they said your name like it was a joke, something in him tensed.
still, he smiled.
still, he laughed.
because that’s what he was supposed to do.
until you came back.
you walked into school like someone who had been rebuilt. not louder, not flashier, not dressed any different—but something in you had changed. you didn’t slouch anymore. you didn’t stare at the floor when people passed. your steps were quieter, but more certain. like you didn’t need to be noticed to be seen.
and worse—you didn’t look at him.
not once.
not even when your eyes passed over his. you looked right through him. like he wasn’t there. like the boy you gave yourself to had died and become someone you didn’t recognize anymore. it was the first time he realized you could move on. that maybe he hadn’t broken you the way he thought he did.
and that’s when it started.
the ache.
every day after that, it grew heavier. he tried to ignore it—he flirted with other girls in the hallway, he laughed louder than necessary, he stayed out late. but none of it filled the space you left behind. the silence of your absence followed him everywhere, curling like smoke around his collarbones, pressing against his lungs.
and then came jake.
at first, he didn’t even know the guy’s name. just some quiet boy from a different class—friendly, golden-haired, always polite to teachers. but suddenly, he was sitting beside you during lunch. carrying your books when your arms were full. walking with you to the gate after school. he never touched you too much, never made it look like anything romantic, but it didn’t matter.
heesung saw the way you smiled around him.
not the way you used to smile at heesung—shy and tentative—but brighter. lighter. like you were no longer afraid of breaking.
and worst of all, jake did things heesung used to do.
he tucked your hair behind your ear when the wind blew too hard. he waited for you outside the library, leaning against the wall with both hands in his pockets like it was the most natural thing in the world. he passed you notes in class—not cheesy ones, but simple things like “don’t forget to eat lunch today” or “i hope your morning was kind.”
and every time heesung saw one of those moments unfold, his chest tightened.
because he remembered.
he remembered how you used to look at him like that. how you used to reach for his hand without thinking. how you once whispered “thank you for choosing me” after he kissed your forehead in your room.
he told himself it was all fake. that he had played a role, nothing more.
but some of it hadn’t been fake.
some of it had been instinct.
some of it had been real.
and now it was gone.
sometimes, at night, he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking of the way your voice trembled when you said you were happy your first time had been with him. the way you clung to the blanket when he stood to leave. the way you ran after him, bare feet against the floor, tears already falling—and he didn’t turn around.
he should have turned around.
now you were healing without him.
and he… he was unraveling.
that's why he didn’t expect to see you again that day.
it was just a normal afternoon—at least, that’s what it was supposed to be. the courtyard was half-empty, students trickling out after class in lazy, aimless waves. heesung had been walking with jay and sunghoon, shoulders slouched, backpack hanging loosely from one strap, half-listening to some story jay was telling that didn’t really matter.
he wasn’t paying attention. not until he heard your laugh.
soft. low. the kind of laugh that used to only come out when you were comfortable, when you forgot to be afraid. he froze instinctively—eyes lifting before his mind could stop him.
there you were.
sitting on the edge of a planter box under the tree near the gate, legs crossed at the ankle, your head tilted as you listened to jake say something beside you. he was holding a bottle of water, a backpack slung over one shoulder. he handed it to you, and you took it with a small smile, your fingers brushing his for just a second.
heesung couldn’t hear what you were saying. but you were smiling. you looked healthy. rested. you looked like you hadn’t spent weeks crying over him in the dark. you looked like you’d finally let go of the hand that once shattered you.
and you didn’t look his way—not once.
that was the part that felt the heaviest.
“damn,” jay muttered beside him, loud enough for the others to hear. “she moves on fast.”
sunghoon snorted. “wonder if she cried in jake’s arms, too.”
they laughed. a few other boys chuckled with them. someone else said, “what was her name again? the one you took home? y/n, right?”
heesung didn’t say anything. he kept walking, but his pace slowed.
“maybe she’s just collecting boyfriends now,” jay added with a grin. “first heesung, now jake. who’s next?”
“bet jake has no idea she was begging heesung to stay, crying like a kicked puppy.” sunghoon whistled. “guess jake likes secondhand toys.”
the laughter grew louder. more shameless. more cruel.
heesung stopped walking.
he didn’t say a word. he didn’t laugh. he just stared straight ahead, jaw clenched so tight it ached. his fingers curled tighter around the strap of his backpack, knuckles white.
they were still talking about you like that. like you were nothing more than a punchline. like you hadn’t mattered. like you hadn’t loved him.
and he said nothing.
because saying something would mean stepping out of the mask he’d been wearing this whole time. it would mean breaking the image. it would mean admitting that you weren’t just another girl. that what he did wasn’t just a joke. it would mean facing everything he’d been trying to ignore since the moment he left your house and walked away from the girl who had given him everything.
he told himself it was better this way. that it was cleaner if he stayed silent.
but his silence was starting to rot him from the inside out.
you were still sitting there, unaware. jake stood up, pointing at something in his phone, and you leaned slightly to look. he held the screen closer, and your knees brushed lightly—casual, natural, the kind of touch heesung remembered vividly.
and for a second—just a second—he wished he could go back.
not to change what happened, not to undo it, but to tell you that it hadn’t all been a lie. that not everything had been a game. because when you smiled at him, something inside him had moved. and when you cried, something inside him hadbroken. he just hadn’t known what to do with that feeling. so he buried it. mocked it. pretended it never happened.
and now it was too late.
jay slapped a hand on his shoulder. “what, you mad he’s got her now?”
he didn’t respond.
just shook him off gently, like the touch annoyed him.
because yeah. maybe he was mad.
but not at you. not at jake.
he was mad at himself—for letting go of the only person who ever looked at him like he wasn’t just a name behind a pretty face. for breaking something he didn’t know how to fix. for being too much of a coward to say, “stop,” when they started laughing.
and for still staring at you like you were his, when he gave you every reason to walk away.
he laid on his back, staring at the ceiling like it had answers.
the room was quiet except for the hum of his fan and the soft ticking of the clock on his desk. it was late—past midnight, maybe closer to two—but sleep didn’t come easily anymore. not the kind that left you rested. not the kind that made mornings worth waking up for.
his body was still. but his mind wouldn’t shut up.
he hated how loud your memory was in silence.
he closed his eyes and it came rushing back. the way your fingers curled in his shirt when you kissed him the first time. how you trembled under his touch but still whispered “i want this with you.” how you winced when he entered you, how your nails dug into his back as you cried out, how you smiled, teary and flushed, afterward, whispering “i’m happy it was you.”
he hadn’t meant to remember all of it—but it wouldn’t leave him alone.
the way you used to wait by his locker just to walk home together. the way you brought him tangerines because he said he liked them once. the way you blushed whenever he tucked your hair behind your ear. how you laughed when he teased you softly. how your voice always dropped when you said his name like it meant something more.
he thought he’d buried all of that. he thought forgetting you would be easy.
but nothing about you was forgettable.
he sat up in bed, breathing heavy now, like the air around him had thickened. there was a tension in his chest—an ache that didn’t go away when he rubbed his hands over his face. it stayed there, lodged in his ribs, aching like guilt, like grief, like a question he’d never asked himself until now:
did i love her?
and the silence answered back:
yes.
yes, he did. maybe not from the start. maybe not all at once. but somewhere along the line—between the library books and your gentle voice and the way you looked at him like he was someone worth loving—he had fallen for you.
and now you were gone.
really gone.
not just physically, but emotionally. spiritually. you no longer belonged to his world. you no longer turned at the sound of his name. he could pass you in the hallway and it would be like walking past a ghost.
he hesitated, looking at his phone on the nightstand.
his heart beat faster.
his hand trembled slightly as he reached for it, thumb hovering over your contact. it was still there. he never deleted it. he never even changed your name. just y/n—plain, simple, the way you saved yourself in his phone that first night.
he stared at it for too long.
what do i say?
what could i say?
sorry? i miss you? i didn’t mean it? i was wrong?
they all felt hollow. they all felt too late. but he pressed the call button anyway, like maybe—maybe—you’d still want to hear his voice.
it rang once.
then the screen went black. call declined.
he froze.
his stomach dropped.
he tried again. and this time—
“this number is not available.”
his throat tightened. he tried to breathe through it, but his chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself.
you had blocked him.
not muted. not ignored. not paused.
blocked. completely. entirely. with finality.
and just like that, it hit him like a blow to the ribs.
she doesn’t want to hear from me. she’s done.
what did he expect?
that you’d pick up in the middle of the night, voice soft and sleepy, still waiting for him? that you’d cry again, say his name, beg for answers? that you’d run into his arms like nothing had happened?
how fucking foolish.
his fingers tightened around the phone, then let it drop beside him with a dull thud.
you weren’t waiting. you weren’t hoping. you weren’t his anymore.
you had walked away. healed. outgrown him.
and he—he had stayed the same. still pretending. still running. still hiding behind silence and laughter and people who didn’t care if he burned.
he laid back down, arm over his eyes, chest hollow.
he wouldn’t call again.
he wouldn’t message.
he wouldn't show up pretending to be brave.
not because he respected your decision—but because he was a coward.
and because facing your rejection now would destroy what little was left of him.
so he let the silence stay.
just like you had.
days had turned into weeks, though heesung wasn’t sure when the shift had occurred. time had begun to bleed together, slow and indistinct, like the blur of water slipping down a window during a storm. everything felt quieter than before, but not in the peaceful way—no, it was the kind of silence that made his skin itch, that wrapped around his lungs and refused to let go, like grief that hadn’t quite finished forming. he still walked the same halls, still sat in the same classrooms, still laughed at the same tired jokes, but the world around him felt distorted, as if nothing was quite where it used to be. and it wasn’t. not really. because you weren’t there anymore—not in the way that counted.
you didn’t look at him anymore. didn’t flinch when you passed each other. you didn’t hesitate, or soften, or seem remotely affected by the empty space he left behind. and maybe that was what finally started to eat at him—not your absence, but your indifference. it was easier when he thought you hated him. hate meant fire. hate meant he still lived somewhere inside you. but now... now you looked through him like he had become translucent, like he no longer held a single thread to your world. and god, it hurt more than he could stand.
he told himself he didn’t care. repeated it like a prayer each night when he stared at the ceiling in his dark room, one arm slung over his eyes to block out everything except his thoughts. but the truth clawed at him like something alive. he remembered everything—your hands in his, the soft pull of your smile, the way your head fit perfectly on his shoulder, how your voice cracked when you said “i’m glad it was you.” he had tried to forget, but it came back in waves, sharp and suffocating. he remembered how you kissed him like he mattered, how you trembled but still trusted him, how your eyes fluttered open afterward, full of something so painfully pure it nearly undid him.
he couldn’t forget. not anymore.
the ache that came with those memories had become unbearable—dense in his chest, heavy in his throat. and when he walked into the chemistry lab that afternoon, all he wanted was to disappear for a little while, to escape the noise of the halls and the suffocating press of guilt that followed him like a shadow. he didn’t expect to see you there.
you were standing near the lockers, facing away from him, your body half-tucked behind the tall cabinet where the beakers and tongs were kept. you moved carefully, methodically, as if each motion served a purpose. your back was straight, your hair pulled out of the way, the sleeves of your uniform rolled just slightly. you looked so calm, so self-contained. you looked nothing like the girl he remembered sobbing under a blanket while he walked away.
he froze. completely.
for a moment, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. he felt like the air had thickened, like he had walked into a memory and it had decided to come alive just to punish him. his gaze locked on you, and as if some invisible string snapped taut between you, you turned.
your eyes met.
and everything around him went still.
his heartbeat stuttered. there was a pressure behind his eyes, behind his ribs, like something raw had clawed its way out of him. and for the briefest second, he thought maybe—maybe—there was something still left. maybe you’d say something, anything.
but then you blinked, cold and calm, and turned away again without a word.
you folded your lab coat neatly, placed it on the stool beside you, and grabbed your bag. you were already halfway to the door when his body reacted before his mind could.
“wait—”
his voice cracked through the silence, rough and desperate.
you paused, fingers on the sliding door, shoulders tense.
“please. y/n… wait.”
he moved toward you, slowly, like every step cost him something. and just before you could open the door, he reached out, fingers brushing your wrist.
you flinched.
your reaction was immediate, electric—your body snapped away like he had burned you. your eyes turned to his, not wide with surprise or hurt, but narrowed with fury and something else—disgust. your voice, when it came, was sharp and low and full of ice.
“don’t touch me.”
he stepped back instinctively, guilt spreading across his face like poison. he lifted his hands slightly, palms open as if to show he meant no harm. but it didn’t matter. it was already too late.
“i just… i need to talk to you,” he said, voice softer now, almost breaking. “please. i know i don’t deserve it. but just let me—”
“you used me.” your voice cut through the room like a blade, and he fell silent instantly. “now you want me to believe you care?” you shook your head, bitter disbelief dripping from every word. “don’t insult me. save your guilt for someone who asked for it.”
he took a shallow breath, but your words didn’t stop.
“you didn’t defend me when they laughed at me.” your tone trembled now—not with weakness, but with pain long held. “you laughed with them.” you stepped forward, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. “so don’t act like you regret it now.”
his lips parted, his throat worked, but nothing came. not until you finally said the last thing he’d been terrified to hear.
“you never loved me, heesung.” your voice cracked, but you didn’t look away. “you loved the way i looked at you.”
that broke him.
he looked down, shoulders heavy, breath unsteady. he wanted to deny it, to explain, to beg—but the truth swelled inside him like a wound finally bursting.
“i did,” he said softly, eyes flicking back to you, desperate. “i did love you. i swear i didn’t know it until after, but—” he choked, biting down the panic that rose in his chest. “yes, it started as a joke. a fucking stupid bet. but it stopped being one the moment you smiled at me like i meant something. when you held my hand, when you kissed me back, when you… when we were in your room, and i held you—”
you slapped him.
hard.
his head jerked slightly to the side, the sting spreading across his cheek like fire.
you were shaking now, but your voice was steady.
“don’t you dare bring that night up.”
your eyes were red, but not from weakness. from rage. from betrayal. from the kind of heartbreak that people don’t walk away from whole.
“you planned it. all of it. you got close to me just to win. you let me fall. you let me love you knowing the whole time you were going to rip me apart. and you did.” your voice rose, thick with tears now spilling freely down your cheeks. “i hate you, heesung. i hate you. leave me alone.”
he opened his mouth, but you were already walking away, grabbing your coat and bag, shoving past him like he wasn’t even there. and this time, he didn’t follow. he didn’t try to stop you. he just stood there, one hand on his cheek, chest collapsing in on itself.
he watched you disappear through the door.
and for the first time, he didn’t just feel regret. he felt loss. real, permanent, irreparable loss.
You hate the Purge. You hate the monster they create, the cruelty, and the way it's broken you down year after year. You hate the rich most of all—the people who don't have to fight to survive. People like Park Jongseong.
And now, somehow, he's sitting next to you. The boy who's always smiling, always comfortable, as if the world hasn't burned down around him. The boy who lives in safety, behind barricades his father's company builds, while you've spent years starving, hiding, and praying.
Jongseong keeps smiling at you, oblivious to the weight of your hatred. He doesn't care about you, not really. To him, life is simple. And maybe that's why you can't stand him. Because while he laughs, you're trying to figure out how to make sure people like him never smile again.
warning: the purge au! contains dark sensitive topics, mentions of murder, sexual assault, violence, and ptsd behavior, different perspectives of the purge, one sided hatred, reader is kinda difficult to handle but it's a trauma response, messy ending, jay is a supportive boyfie (in a good and bad ways), reader is unhinged, explicit content (smut): multiple sex scenes, fingering, nipple play, pussy eating, unprotected sex, purge fucking, MDNI, reader discretion is advised. WC: 21.8K.
music to listen while purging: murder in my mind
You hate March 21. God, how you loathe it—the day that strips away any pretense of humanity.
It always starts the same way: the wailing sirens ripping through the air.
Not even sixty seconds pass after the announcement before the streets erupt. Gunshots. Screams. The unmistakable, animalistic sounds of survival. The world falls apart faster than you can blink, faster than you can even take a breath. And every year, you sit in that darkness, trembling, hating.
You hate how they made this—how society carved out one single night to let its ugliest urges spill over.
You hate the twisted smiles on people's faces, the gleeful violence, the merciless slaughter. You hate everything about it.
You hate how weak you are. How poor you are. How your "barricade" is nothing but a creaky door and a pile of junk you've pushed in front of it. Heavy chairs, the couch, a dresser you could barely move—what is that supposed to do against the monsters outside?
They'll break through it in minutes, seconds even, if they choose you this year.
And there's nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.
So you crawl inside the closet, knees tucked into your chest, hands pressing hard over your ears as the chaos outside creeps closer and closer. You rock back and forth, whispering to yourself, "Just twelve hours. You just have to survive twelve hours."
You hate how your morals hold you hostage.
You're too much of a coward, aren't you? Or maybe you're too human, too stupidly tied to the idea of right and wrong.
Either way, you've sentenced yourself to this endless nightmare.
You hate how they have no mercy. How people don't even hesitate.
The second those sirens stop, the masks go on, the knives come out, and the laughter—the laughter—starts echoing down the streets like some kind of hellish symphony.
You hate the way your mind races, picturing your own end over and over again. Would it be quick? A bullet to the head? Or would it be slow? Something worse?
You hate how poor you are. How people like you—people who can't afford high-tech barricades, bulletproof shelters, or private security.
You're the bottom rung of society, the lambs to the slaughter. And that's exactly how they see you. Nothing more than sport for the rich.
You've been their prey before—dragged into one of their "games." Their sick, twisted hunting expeditions where they wear masks and hunt you down like animals, laughing all the while.
Somehow, you survived that night. Somehow, you ran fast enough, hid well enough. But you didn't leave unscathed.
No, you left something behind that night: your sanity.
You can still feel their eyes on you, their jeers echoing in your ears, their mocking laughter as they cornered you over and over, just to let you escape so the game could continue.
You see their faces—those masks—every time you close your eyes.
And no matter where you go, it's always the same.
You transfer to a new town, a new neighborhood, hoping to disappear, but you always end up right back here.
They smile too wide, your neighbors. They're too friendly. Too eager to see you. And every time they stare at you, every time their grins linger a little too long, you feel the bile rise in your throat.
You hate everything about the Purge.
You hate the people who participate in it, the government that allows it, the sick, twisted minds that relish in it.
You hate the monsters you've seen outside, but you hate the monster you're becoming even more.
Because every year, it gets harder. Harder to keep your sanity intact. Harder to resist. Harder to keep your morals from shattering under the weight of it all. And every year, the hatred inside you grows like a poison, rotting you from the inside out.
You hate how you're always waiting. Waiting for another March 21.
Waiting for the next time you'll have to endure this torment. Waiting for the day you finally snap, when you stop running, when you stop hiding, and when you start fighting back.
You hate the waiting more than anything because you know that day is coming. You know it's only a matter of time before something inside you finally breaks.
And when it does, you'll hunt them down. Every last one of them. The rich who preyed on you. The neighbors who smiled too wide while undressing you. The government officials who allowed this nightmare to persist.
You hate March 21.
But more than that, you hate how much you're starting to look forward to it.
"I see you survived the Purge," you muttered, your eyes narrowing as they landed on the group of seven boys in the hallway.
They were laughing softly, their voices laced with relief as they exchanged hugs and pats on the back.
"Thank God," one of them said, gripping the others in a tight embrace, his shoulders sagging like he'd been holding his breath for the last twelve hours.
"I already told you guys," another voice chimed in—smooth, Park Jongseong. Of course.
"Next year, you should all come to our house. Our lockdown is solid. Our barricades are strong enough to keep anyone out. You'll be safe there, trust me."
You scoffed, the sound low and bitter, but loud enough to be heard if anyone was paying attention. Of course, they weren't. They never noticed you. Not people like them.
Park Jongseong— the golden boy. His father owned one of the biggest barricade companies in the country, making a fortune off other people's desperation and fear.
He didn't just survive the Purge; he thrived in it. His family's state-of-the-art lockdown system probably made their house into a fortress.
And now here he was, standing in the middle of the school hallway, flashing that perfect smile and talking about how his family had been "safe and sound" while people like you hid under a bed, praying not to die.
You bit the inside of your cheek, tasting blood, and turned away. Of course Jongseong had survived. People like him always did.
You were miserable. Miserable every single day for the past seven years since the Purge began.
Seven years since the night your parents were taken from you on that first Purge.
Seven years of surviving on your own, scrabbling through life like a rat in a never-ending maze.
An irregular college student balancing four jobs just to afford rent, tuition, and scraps of food that barely kept you standing.
And some nights, when you're too tired to even close your eyes, the same thought creeps in, like a whisper you can't shut out.
Why can't you just die already?
Was this what God wanted for you? Was your suffering some part of His great plan? If it was, you hated Him for it. You hated everything—for putting you here, for making you live like this, for keeping you alive while everyone else you cared about was gone.
Then came August. Seven months before the next Purge, You took your entire month's pay—every single cent you'd earned and bought a handgun from a retired Russian police man who didn't ask questions.
You didn't eat for weeks after that, barely managing to survive on water and scraps you could steal from work.
Hunger clawed at your stomach, but you didn't care. Every second of discomfort was worth it as you cradled the gun in your hands at night, running your fingers over the cold steel.
At college, exhaustion weighed on you like a heavy coat. Your mind was foggy, your body barely cooperating as you tried to focus in class. You were too tired to care about anything anymore. That's why, when you heard the voice, you didn't even look up at first.
"Hey, are you Y/N?"
You blinked, sluggishly dragging your tired eyes up to meet the man.
Park Jongseong. He was standing there, his usual easy smile on his face, holding a lab manual in one hand.
Your brows furrowed as he sat down next to you like it was the most natural thing in the world. You raised an eyebrow at him, watching in silent disbelief as he got comfortable.
"We're partners in laboratory," he announced with that same friendly grin, his tone light and conversational.
You stared at him, your eyebrow twitching slightly. Of course, we are. Just my fucking luck.
You hated him. You hated everything about him.
You hated how he could walk into a room and light it up, how he always smiled like life was some perfect little gift wrapped up in a bow.
You hated how easy everything seemed for him, how he floated through life without ever seeming to care about the world around him.
Jongseong keeps smiling at you, oblivious to the weight of your hatred. He doesn't care about you, not really. To him, life is simple. And maybe that's why you can't stand him.
Because while he laughs, you're trying to figure out how to make sure people like him never smile again.
"I'm Park Jongseong," he says brightly, "You can call me Jay, if you don't know me."
You stare at him with your tired eyes, barely masking your irritation. His enthusiasm is exhausting, like a candle burning too brightly, too close to your already frayed nerves.
But he doesn't seem to notice. Of course, he doesn't. He keeps talking.
"I'm planning to start our experimental research maybe in like three days? I don't really like cramming," Jay continues, flashing you another one of his easy smiles.
"Are you available on Saturday?" he asks, finally looking at you. "Do you want to do it at my place or yours?"
His smile falters for the first time when you just stare at him, bored and uninterested, like he's wasting your time—which he is.
He must be so used to people hanging on his every word, eating up his charm. You, on the other hand, are trying to figure out how long you have to tolerate him before he leaves.
"I have a morning shift at the ice cream shop. Probably the afternoon, but I'll leave at 7 PM," you reply flatly, spinning your pen lazily between your fingers. You're not trying to be rude.
You're just tired—tired of him, tired of everything. "Then I have another shift at the restaurant."
Jay nods, and for a moment, you think he's about to say something stupid, like you work too hard or you should take it easy. But he doesn't. Instead, he watches you for a second too long before his smile returns, a little dimmer than before.
"And your place," you add, cutting off whatever he was going to say. The idea of being in his house, surrounded by whatever rich-boy luxuries he has, makes your stomach churn.
Jay blinks, then nods again. "Alright, my place it is," he says, his tone softer, as if he's trying to figure you out.
You hate it—hate the way his gaze lingers on you.
You turn your attention back to your notebook, letting the silence hang between you until he finally shifts in his seat and looks away. At least he knows when to stop talking. For now.
You observe people every shift. At the ice cream shop, kids cry and tug at their parents, pointing at a flavor they desperately want. At the fast food chain, students laugh, stuffing fries into each other's mouths, their joy spilling out into the air.
You watch them. You clean up after them. And when no one's looking, you pick at their scraps—half-eaten burgers, fries left behind—anything to stave off the hunger that gnaws at you day and night.
When you sneak into the back to wash your hands, you catch your reflection in the grimy bathroom mirror. It almost shocks you, the hollow-cheeked girl staring back.
Your dark eye bags seem to sink into your face like bruises, your cheekbones sharp enough to look dangerous. Your lips are pale, chapped from thirst, and your hoodie swallows what little remains of you.
Even when you do sleep, it's never peaceful.
The nightmares always find you, pulling you back to that night—hands grabbing, voices laughing, the cold press of a mask against your skin.
Not even the sleeping pills you've wasted money on help anymore. You've tried. God knows you've tried. But the fear is something you can't escape.
And then Saturday comes.
Jay welcomes you at his house with his usual easy smile.
You stand awkwardly at the entrance, your eyes immediately drawn to the luxurious details surrounding you.
Expensive vases line the walls. A cabinet full of fine liquor gleams under the lights. Everything in the house feels deliberate, pristine, and just looking at it makes you feel like you don't belong.
"This way," Jay says cheerfully, leading you to his room.
The moment you step inside, you're greeted with more of the same—displays of wealth that feel almost obscene to you. A collection of guitars lined up like trophies. A cabinet stuffed with fancy perfumes. Everything here screams a life of comfort, of privilege, of a world you'll never touch.
"Are you always cold? Want me to lower the aircon?" Jay asks suddenly, his gaze flicking to your oversized hoodie.
You almost punch him for the question. The audacity of it.
Are rich people really this clueless?
The irritation bubbles up. You almost imagine your hands around his neck, squeezing some sense into him.
"No, thanks," you say curtly, not bothering to hide your annoyance. You drop to the floor, pulling out your notebook and pen, ignoring the uncomfortable tension forming between you.
"You can sit on my bed," Jay offers, reaching out to touch your arm like it's no big deal.
But the moment his hand brushes your sleeve, your mind snaps. You're not in his room anymore. You're back there—on that night—being grabbed, pulled, restrained. Masked faces loom in your vision, their laughter ringing in your ears like a sick melody.
Before you even realize it, you've slapped his hand away, standing so fast you almost knock your notebook over.
"I—I'm sorry," you stammer, your voice shaky as you rub your arm. Jay just stands there, his hand hovering in the air, confusion written all over his face.
"It's fine," he says quickly. His smile is gone now, replaced by something softer.
You swallow hard, forcing yourself to sit down again—this time on the bed, even though you'd rather be anywhere else. You pull your notebook back into your lap, flipping it open as if nothing happened, your hands trembling slightly.
The two of you work in near silence, researching for your lab project. Jay tries to engage you now and then, asking for your thoughts, but you keep your answers brief. You don't want to talk. You don't want to share. You just want to get through this.
After a while, Jay breaks the silence again. "How many jobs do you have?" he asks, his voice almost hesitant. "How do you manage school and work?"
You huff, irritated by his questions. What does he know about working to survive? What does he know about balancing your life on a thread?
"I don't manage," you reply bluntly. "I'm already planning to stop after this semester."
Jay straightens in his seat, frowning slightly. "Why?"
"Because I can't afford it anymore," you snap, your patience wearing thin. Your voice is sharper than you intend, but you don't care. You glare at him, daring him to argue, to say something stupid like, You should keep trying.
But Jay just looks down, his gaze softening. "I'm sorry," he whispers, almost too quiet to hear.
Before you can respond, a knock interrupts the moment. A head peeks into the room—a woman with wavy hair and a face so similar to Jay's that it's clear she's his mother.
"Heard you had a classmate over," she says warmly. "Come down and eat."
Jay stands immediately, glancing at you as if waiting to see if you'll follow. You nod stiffly, clutching your notebook to your chest as you trail behind him, feeling awkward in a house like this.
When you reach the dining room, your stomach grumbles embarrassingly loud at the sight of the food. A table full of steaming dishes spreads out before you, prepared by maids who move around effortlessly. You've never seen this much food at once before, not even during the holidays.
"Come, sit, sweetheart," Jay's mom says, pulling a chair out for you. Her voice is so kind, so gentle, that it makes your chest ache.
You sit down slowly, staring at the food like it's a mirage. Jay's mom piles your plate high with food, her warm smile reminding you so much of your own mother that your throat tightens.
"Eat, don't be shy," she says, her voice light and encouraging.
Your hands shake as you pick up the spoon, the first bite warming your tongue.
The taste is overwhelming, rich and filling, and it's so good that tears prick at the corners of your eyes.
You quickly take another bite, and another, ignoring the lump in your throat.
Jay watches you quietly, his gaze flicking to your small, trembling hands. His eyes catch on the scars peeking out from your sleeves as your sweater rides up.
"So, where are you from? It's my first time seeing you here! Jay's always bringing friends over—so many faces!" His mother's voice was cheerful, her smile warm and inviting.
"I'm from Las Vegas," you replied, keeping your eyes on your empty plate. You didn't want to talk, but her energy made it hard to ignore her.
Your gaze shifted to Jay as he leaned over, silently placing more food onto your plate.
"Oh, Las Vegas!" His mom exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. "What made you settle here in Seattle? Life is so exciting over there! So bright and lively!"
"Not really," you said, inhaling sharply as you tried to keep your tone even. The last thing you wanted was to go deeper into that conversation.
She didn't seem to notice your discomfort. "Oh, I see. Well, what do your parents do for a living?"
You froze. The fork in your hand stilled as memories rushed back like a tidal wave.
The screams. The blood. The way your parents looked at you, their faces twisted in pain as you hid, trembling in the cabinet.
"They're dead," you said bluntly, gripping your fork so tightly your knuckles turned white.
The room seemed to grow quieter. His mother's cheerful expression faltered. "Pardon?"
"They're de—" you started, but the words caught in your throat. Your pulse quickened, your chest tightening, and before you could finish, Jay cut in.
"It's already almost 7:00," he said quickly, "Didn't you say you have a shift?"
You looked at him, startled. His gaze met yours, and for the first time, his ever-present smile was gone. Instead, his eyes were steady, watching you carefully, like he knew you were unraveling and didn't want to make it worse.
You took the excuse without hesitation. "Yeah," you muttered, shoving your chair back as you stood. "I should go."
His mom looked like she wanted to say something, but Jay rose from his seat, cutting her off with a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'll walk her out," he said softly.
"Thank you for the food, Mrs. Park," you smiled, trying to look natural, bowing at her. You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder, refusing to look back at the table, at the food, at his mother's concerned face. Your throat burned as you fought the tears threatening to spill over.
Jay followed you silently as you stepped into the hallway. Once you were out of earshot, he finally spoke.
"You didn't have to answer her," he said gently.
You stopped in your tracks, gripping the strap of your bag tightly. "I didn't want to," you said flatly, your voice trembling just a little. "But people always ask. Like they have the right to know."
Jay didn't respond immediately. When you glanced at him, he looked... softer, his usual brightness dimmed with something quieter. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice low and careful. "She didn't mean anything by it. My mom's just... the type to ask questions. She doesn't think it'll hurt anyone."
"Yeah, well, it does," you snapped, the words slipping out before you could stop yourself. Your voice was sharp, cutting through the quiet hallway. But Jay didn't flinch. He just nodded, that same calm expression on his face, like he understood.
And for some reason, that made you angrier.
Your bag strap digging into your shoulder as you stared at him. The silence stretched, heavy and awkward. Your chest burned with frustration, your hands curling into fists at your sides. You weren't sure what you were mad at—his mom's question, his calm demeanor, or the fact that he kept pretending to get you when he didn't.
The words tumbled out. "What are your thoughts about the Purge, Jay?"
Jay's eyes widened, caught off guard by the sudden question. He hesitated for a moment, his mouth opening and closing like he was carefully picking his words.
"I—I don't agree with it," he said finally, his voice quiet..
You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. "You don't agree with it?" you repeated, mocking his tone.
"That's rich. The Purge is the reason why you're making money, Jay. It's why your family's living in that giant house with your shiny vases and fancy barricades."
Jay blinked, visibly taken aback. "That's not fair," he said, his voice soft but firm.
"Isn't it?" you shot back, your voice rising.
"Your dad's company makes barricades, doesn't it? Every year, people like you get richer while people like me..." You trailed off, shaking your head as your throat tightened. "You don't get to sit there and say you don't agree with it. Not when your family profits from it."
Jay's jaw tightened, but he didn't interrupt. He just looked at you, his expression unreadable.
"And you know what's funny?" you continued, the bitterness spilling out of you now. "You probably spend Purge night in your fortress of a house, watching movies or playing board games with your family while the rest of us are out there dying. You don't even have to think about it, do you?"
"That's not true," Jay said quietly, his hands clenching at his sides. "I do think about it."
"Oh, do you?" you snapped, glaring at him. "What, do you spend a whole five minutes feeling bad for people like me before you go back to your perfect little life?"
"That's not what I—" Jay started, but you cut him off.
"You don't get it, Jay," you said, your voice trembling now, anger and exhaustion mixing into a volatile cocktail. "You'll never get it. You don't know what it's like to be hunted like an animal while people laugh. So don't stand there and tell me you 'don't agree with it,' because that doesn't mean anything coming from you."
Jay looked like he wanted to say something—his mouth opened, but no words came out. His shoulders slumped slightly, and for a moment, you thought you saw guilt flash across his face.
"I'm sorry," Jay said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
You froze, your anger faltering for a moment as his words sunk in. Your chest tightened, and your eyes softened just slightly, guilt prickling at the edges of your mind. What were you even doing?
But the shame and bitterness were too much to face. You turned away quickly, your voice small and strained. "I'm sorry... I should go," you murmured, gripping the strap of your bag as you hurried to leave.
Jay didn't stop you. He just watched your retreating figure, his expression a mix of concern and frustration. As the door clicked shut behind you, he sat down heavily, running a hand through his hair. He wanted to help, but he didn't know how. And the way you looked at him, like he was the problem, made it feel impossible.
The weeks passed in a blur of survival and self-destruction. Bullets were fucking expensive. Even knives cost more than you expected, and every penny you earned disappeared the moment it hit your hands. Life was getting harder.
The monster inside you—was growing louder, feeding off your exhaustion and anger.
At night, when you weren't working, you trained yourself obsessively. Watching documentaries on how to kill someone. Studying anatomy. Practicing with your weapons until your hands were blistered and shaking.
You didn't care if your body couldn't take it anymore. Pain didn't matter. Hunger didn't matter. Nothing mattered except being ready.
But as the weeks dragged on, it became harder to keep going.
Your hoodie, the one you wore every day like a second skin, was filthy and smelled of sweat and exhaustion. Your body was sore in every possible way.
Your reflection in the mirror was worse than before—hollow eyes, sallow skin, dark circles so deep. And every time you saw yourself, you thought the same thing.
You just want to die already.
One night, your phone buzzed. It was a message from Jay.
"Y/N, I'm sorry to bother you, but you haven't been coming to class. I can handle most of the project on my own, but for this reporting, I really need your presence."
You stared at the message for a long time, debating whether to ignore it. But something in you caved. Maybe it was guilt. You replied: "Okay. I'll come."
Jay welcomed you into his house again, you ended up on his bed, laptop in your lap as you both worked on the PowerPoint for your report. The room was quiet except for the sound of typing, but every movement felt like a struggle. Your body ached. Your head throbbed. You could barely focus, and every second felt like a fight to stay upright.
It wasn't long before your body gave up.
The laptop slipped from your lap, crashing to the floor as your vision blurred. The last thing you heard before everything went dark was Jay's panicked voice calling your name.
When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was a white ceiling.
The faint smell of alcohol and disinfectant filled the air, and the sharp tug of a needle in your arm made you realize you were hooked up to an IV. An oxygen tube rested under your nose, and your body felt impossibly heavy, as if all the exhaustion you'd been ignoring had finally caught up with you.
Your gaze drifted down to your body—and then you saw it.
You were wearing a hospital gown.
Panic gripped you instantly. Your chest tightened, your breathing quickening as your hands clawed at the fabric.
"No, no, no," you whispered, your voice trembling as your heart pounded in your ears.
Memories of hands grabbing at you, tearing at your clothes, flashed through your mind like lightning. You gasped for air, a faint scream slipping from your lips.
Jay jolted awake from the chair beside you, his eyes wide with alarm.
"W-what's wrong?" he asked, his voice soft but laced with panic. He moved closer, his hands hovering uncertainly like he wasn't sure if he should touch you.
"H-hoodie," you stammered, gripping his arm with weak, trembling hands. Your nails dug into his skin. "Need to cover. Ugly. Ugly."
Jay winced at the pain but didn't pull away. "Hey, hey, it's okay," he said gently, his voice calm and soothing. "You're okay. You're safe. No one's going to hurt you."
"No," you whimpered, shaking your head as tears streamed down your face. "I'm ugly. Don't look." Your hands fumbled to pull the gown tighter around you, but it didn't help. You could feel the scars beneath it—the raised lines.
Jay hesitated for a moment before slowly reaching out to cover your hands with his. His touch was warm, steady, and he squeezed your fingers just enough to ground you.
"You're not ugly," he said softly, his tone so sincere it made your chest ache.
You shook your head again, your voice breaking as panic surged through you. "You don't understand. You don't know what they did to me. What I look like—"
"Calm down," Jay interrupted, his voice steady but still gentle, as if he were trying to anchor you to the moment.
He closed his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side, a gesture meant to reassure you. "I'm not looking, okay? I'm not looking."
His words made you pause, your breathing still uneven but slowing just a little as you clung to his arm. The panic was still there, buzzing under your skin, but his calmness was starting to chip away at it, little by little.
"You're safe now," Jay said, his tone softer this time, "and you're not alone, okay? I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Just calm down, breathe in, breathe out. You can do this."
You tried to follow his instructions, inhaling shakily and letting the air out in uneven bursts. It wasn't perfect, but it was enough to keep you grounded, enough to stop the tears blurring your vision completely.
Jay's hand was warm against yours, his fingers gentle but firm as he held on. "What do you want me to get?" he asked softly, his voice careful, his head still turned slightly away so you wouldn't feel watched.
"My hoodie," you whispered, your voice weak and pleading. "I need it. Please."
Jay glanced at the IV in your arm, his lips pressing into a thin line. "You have an IV in your skin," he said quietly. "It's still not okay for you to wear your hoodie yet. If you pull at it, you could hurt yourself."
You looked away, shame and frustration boiling under your skin, your fingers gripping the hospital blanket tightly. "I don't care," you mumbled, your voice trembling.
Jay sighed softly, squeezing your hand again to ground you. "I know you don't feel comfortable," he said, his tone gentle but firm, "but if it's too hot or heavy right now, I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to put it on."
You clenched your jaw, swallowing back another wave of tears. "I just—I need to cover up," you said, your voice breaking again.
Jay hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Okay," he said carefully, "if you're not comfortable in the gown, I can get you a long-sleeve nightgown instead. Something softer. Something that'll cover your arms. Is that what you want?"
You glanced at him, your lip trembling, and nodded weakly. "Yeah," you whispered, barely audible.
Jay gave your hand one last gentle squeeze before slowly standing up. "I'll go ask the nurses," he said softly.
Days had passed, and Jay had stayed by your side, refusing to leave, despite how much of a burden you felt like.
He wasn't overbearing or hovering—just quietly there, helping you in any way he could.
He brought you meals, water, even helped you comb through your disheveled hair when your strength failed you. He didn't ask questions about what happened, didn't demand explanations.
His mother visited often, sweeping into the room with an energy that made your chest ache. She came with baskets of fruit, flowers, and small gifts, her arms overflowing like she was trying to smother you with kindness.
On one visit, she hugged you tightly, tears in her eyes, and said, "You need to take better care of yourself, sweetheart. Your life is precious."
Her words pierced through you, bringing a lump to your throat. You didn't have the heart to respond, just nodded, even though deep down you still didn't believe her.
Jay's friends, Sunoo and Ni-ki, had even come to visit. Despite the fact that they didn't know you at all, they acted like you were an old friend.
They brought a snake and ladder board game, and before you knew it, they were sitting cross-legged on your hospital bed, loudly cheering, groaning, and playfully arguing over the dice rolls. Their laughter filled the room, echoing against the sterile walls and spilling over the edges of your heart.
At first, you just watched them silently, your hands resting in your lap, unsure of how to react. But as the game went on, you found yourself drawn in—your dead eyes softening as you watched them bicker like kids, a faint half-smile tugging at your lips.
For the first time in what felt like years, you felt something other than pain. Just a flicker, but it was there. A tiny seed of happiness.
"What do you want to eat today?" Jay asked, smiling as he sat at the edge of your bed, peeling an apple with practiced ease.
"I want rice cakes!" Ni-ki chimed in, raising his hand like an excited child.
Sunoo rolled his eyes dramatically, crossing his arms. "Yuck! We had rice cakes yesterday!"
Their back-and-forth made you chuckle softly, a sound you hadn't heard from yourself in a long time.
But later, when the room grew quiet again, and it was just you and Jay, that flicker of happiness gave way to something heavier. Guilt.
You glanced at Jay as he sat by the window, scrolling through his phone absentmindedly. His face was relaxed, the sunlight catching the soft angles of his features. He had done so much for you—things he didn't have to do. And all this time, you had hated him. Misunderstood him.
You had assumed the worst of him, just because he was rich.
You had lumped him in with the monsters who had ruined your life, convinced yourself that he was just another spoiled, privileged kid who wouldn't understand what suffering felt like. But the truth was... he wasn't.
He wasn't the people who had hunted you, mocked you, stripped you of your humanity. He wasn't the people who laughed behind masks, thriving on fear and violence.
Jay had done nothing but help you, even when you were rude to him, even when you pushed him away.
And yet, the guilt didn't erase your pain. It didn't undo your trauma or silence the nightmares that still haunted you.
You still hated the world that allowed the Purge to exist. You still hated the memories that burned like fire in your veins. You still hated yourself for being weak, for surviving when your parents hadn't.
But you didn't hate Jay anymore.
"I'm sorry," you said quietly, breaking the silence.
Jay looked up, tilting his head in confusion. "For what?"
"For... for how I treated you," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "For assuming things about you just because of where you come from. I thought you wouldn't care. That you couldn't understand. But... you're not like them."
Jay's expression softened, a small, almost sad smile tugging at his lips. "You don't have to apologize for that," he said gently. "You've been through hell. I get why you'd feel that way."
You shook your head, gripping the blanket tightly in your hands. "No, you don't get it. I was cruel to you. I blamed you for things that weren't your fault."
Jay was quiet for a moment, then reached out, resting a hand over yours.
His touch was warm, steady, grounding. "I'm not perfect," he said softly, his tone sincere. "I won't pretend to know what you've been through. But I want to help."
Your throat tightened, tears threatening to spill over again. You didn't know how to respond, so you just nodded, gripping his hand. And for the first time, you allowed yourself to trust someone. Even if it was just a little.
"The doctor said you have anemia and osteoporosis," Jay's mother said gently, setting her bag down on the small table beside your hospital bed.
"That's why your bones are weak! You'll need to eat more foods with calcium and iron to build your strength and get your blood count higher. We'll make sure you have everything you need."
You stared at her, unsure how to respond. Guilt curled in your stomach, gnawing at you. You weren't her child. You weren't even close to being part of her world. And yet, here she was, treating you so good.
"The hospital bill is covered," she continued, her voice casual, like it wasn't a big deal. But to you, it was.
It was a huge deal. The cost of staying in a place like this was something you couldn't even fathom. You'd spent years scraping by, eating leftovers just to save a few bucks, and here she was, brushing off what could've been months—maybe years—of your income.
"You don't need to worry about it," she added, her smile soft and reassuring. "Just focus on getting better. Jay's friend is also my priority."
Jay's friend.
The words hit you harder than you expected. You weren't his friend. You didn't deserve to be called that, not after the way you'd treated him.
"Thank you," you murmured finally, your voice barely audible. It was all you could manage without breaking down entirely.
Jay's mom smiled wider, her eyes crinkling at the corners.
"You're welcome, sweetheart," she said, reaching out to gently pat your hand. "Now, tell me—what's your favorite food? I'll have the kitchen prepare something special for you."
You blinked, caught off guard by her kindness. "I... I don't really have one," you admitted quietly, your fingers fidgeting with the edge of the blanket.
It wasn't a lie. You hadn't thought about things like "favorite food" in years. Food, for you, had been about survival, not enjoyment.
"Well, then we'll just have to find one for you," she said, her tone cheerful and determined. "I'll have the staff make a variety of dishes for you to try. And don't worry—if there's anything you don't like, we'll keep trying until we find something you love."
Her words left you speechless. All you could do was nod, the weight of her generosity pressing down on you. It felt so foreign, so undeserved, and yet, for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt... cared for.
Jay, who had been quietly peeling an orange in the corner, finally spoke up. "Mom, don't overwhelm her," he said softly, his eyes flicking to yours. "She's still recovering."
You glanced at him, your gaze lingering for a moment longer than you intended.
His mother waved him off with a laugh. "Oh, hush, Jay. I'm just trying to help." She turned back to you, her smile never faltering. "You're part of our family now, okay? At least while you're here. So don't be shy about asking for anything."
Her words made something in your chest tighten. You nodded again, unable to trust your voice.
Jay's mother spent hours at your bedside, chatting away. She told you stories about Jay's childhood—how he once tried to "fix" a birdhouse with peanut butter, or how he dressed up as a firefighter for three Halloweens in a row because he was so obsessed with the uniform.
Jay groaned beside her, his face flushed as he waved her off. "Mom, stop! She doesn't need to know all of that!" he whined, his voice high with embarrassment.
But his mother only laughed, brushing him off with a playful wave. "Oh, hush, Jay. She needs to know how adorable you used to be!"
You couldn't help but chuckle softly, your lips curving into a small, almost shy smile.
Eventually, Jay's mother had to leave, something about a business emergency pulling her away. She hugged you gently before she left, squeezing your hands and promising to visit again soon.
"Take care of yourself, sweetheart," she said with a warm smile. "And if Jay gives you any trouble, let me know."
"I'm right here," Jay muttered, rolling his eyes but grinning all the same.
As the door clicked shut behind her, the room fell quiet again. You and Jay were alone, the silence settling between you like a soft blanket.
"Have you showered?" Jay asked suddenly, breaking the stillness.
You shook your head, feeling a little self-conscious. It had been days since you'd had the energy to even think about something like that.
"Do you want to?" he asked, his voice gentle.
You nodded hesitantly.
Jay smiled, standing up to grab a towel from his bag. He returned a moment later, his hand extended to you. "Come on," he said softly, his voice warm and encouraging.
You placed your hand in his, and he guided you carefully out of the bed. But as soon as your feet touched the ground, your knees buckled beneath you, the strength in your legs giving out entirely.
"Whoa!" Jay exclaimed, catching you before you could fall. Without hesitation, he slipped your arm around his neck, his other arm sliding under your legs.
"I've got you," he murmured as he lifted you effortlessly.
Your cheeks flushed, but you didn't protest as he carried you to the bathroom. His touch was steady, his arms warm and reassuring as he placed you gently into the tub.
"Do you want me to call a nurse to help you?" Jay asked, crouching in front of you. His voice was careful, like he was trying not to overstep.
You shook your head quickly. The idea of a stranger cleaning you—seeing you—made your stomach churn with discomfort. "I'm not comfortable," you said quietly, looking away.
Jay nodded, his brows furrowed slightly in thought. He didn't push or suggest anything else. He just waited, watching you carefully.
And then, before you could stop yourself, you looked up and met his gaze. "Can you?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Jay's eyes widened in surprise, his ears turning red as your words sunk in. "Are you sure?" he asked, his tone soft but serious. "Are you comfortable with me?"
You nodded, swallowing hard. You didn't know why you asked him. Maybe it was because he was the only one who had seen your broken pieces and didn't turn away. Maybe it was because, despite everything, you trusted him.
Jay hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Okay," he said quietly, his voice steady despite the redness creeping up his neck.
Your hands trembled slightly as you began to strip off the hospital gown, letting it fall away from your shoulders.
You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, your chest tightening as the scars on your body were laid bare—scars from knives, from bullets, from cigarette burns that had long since healed but never truly faded.
For a moment, there was nothing but silence.
You finally glanced up at Jay, only to see his face frozen in a mixture of sadness and anger. His jaw clenched, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. His eyes weren't looking at you with disgust or pity—just pain. Pain that you couldn't quite understand.
"I'm sorry," you said, your voice cracking. You quickly crossed your arms over your chest, trying to cover yourself, to hide the ugly truth of what had been done to you.
"Don't apologize," Jay said softly, his voice strained but firm. He crouched lower, his gaze meeting yours. "You don't have to apologize for this. None of this is your fault."
You bit your lip, tears welling in your eyes as you looked away. "It's ugly," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "I'm ugly."
"No, you're not," Jay said immediately. "Don't ever say that. Don't ever think that."
Jay begins to open the faucet, filling the tub. You felt his hand gently rest on your shoulder, his touch so light it was almost like a question. "These scars," he continued, his voice softening, "they're not ugly. They're proof that you survived."
You turned back to him, tears spilling over as his words sank in. His gaze didn't waver, didn't falter. There was no judgment in his eyes, only sincerity.
His hands were gentle as he worked, brushing over your skin with careful precision, the towel soaking up water from your arms, your back, every part of you. Each movement was measured, respectful, almost as though he was afraid of breaking you.
The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable. Still, the question burned on your tongue, and before you could stop yourself, you asked, "Why are you helping me?"
Jay froze for the briefest of moments, his hands stilling as he rinsed the washcloth. Then he gently reached for your hair, lathering shampoo between his fingers before carefully massaging it into your scalp.
"Why wouldn't I?" he asked softly, his tone calm, but you could hear the edge of emotion beneath it.
You tilted your head slightly, his fingers never missing a beat as they worked through your tangled hair.
"Because... people don't just help without a reason," you muttered, your voice barely audible. "Are you pitying me?"
Jay's hands stilled again, his fingers pausing in your hair. For a moment, you regretted asking, but then he sighed softly, his hands resuming their slow, soothing motions.
"No," he said firmly. "I'm not helping you because I pity you."
"Then why?" you pressed, your voice cracking as the question spilled out of you. "Why are you doing all this? Why do you care?"
Jay rinsed the shampoo from your hair, his hands tilting your head back slightly so the water wouldn't get in your eyes. He stayed silent for a moment, as if he was choosing his words carefully.
"Because you deserve to be cared for," he said finally, his voice almost a whisper.
His words hit you like a punch to the chest. You stared at the tiled wall, unable to respond as your throat tightened and your eyes began to sting.
"I'm not doing this out of pity," Jay continued, his voice soft but insistent. "I'm doing this because I want to."
You swallowed hard, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from falling. His words felt foreign, like they didn't belong to you. Like they were meant for someone else, someone who deserved kindness.
"But I'm broken," you whispered, the words trembling as they left your lips. "You don't understand. I'm not... I'm not normal."
Jay's hands paused again, and for a moment, you thought he might agree with you. But instead, he leaned forward slightly, his voice so soft it almost didn't reach you.
"Who cares about 'normal'?" he asked gently, smiling at you.
His words made your chest ache, a strange, unfamiliar warmth blooming beneath the pain. You didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything. Instead, you let him finish rinsing your hair, his touch as careful as ever.
Jay stayed quiet for a moment, his hand gripping the soap, before his soft voice broke the silence. "Let me brush your body, hmm? Are you okay with that?"
You looked up at him, your eyes still glossy from earlier tears. He was smiling, It was softer, almost hesitant, like he was giving you all the space in the world to say no.
For a second, your chest tightened again. But then you wiped at your tears, nodding, a small, watery laugh slipping from your lips. "Yeah, okay."
Jay let out a breath, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as he dipped the soap into the water, creating a soft lather. "You don't need to apologize," he said after a moment.
But you shook your head, tears spilling over again as the words tumbled out. "I'm sorry," you whispered. "For being a burden. For being weak."
But Jay stopped what he was doing, his hand resting lightly on your shoulder. "Showing vulnerability isn't weakness," he said softly, his voice steady but warm. "Don't say you're a burden when you're not."
You finally looked at him, your breath hitching at the sincerity in his gaze.
You spent almost a month in the hospital, longer than you ever thought you'd stay. There were stretches of time when you were alone, the quiet pressing against you like a heavy blanket.
Jay still had to attend his classes during the day, and you hated how much that relieved you. Being around him, around his patience and kindness, was almost too much to bear. It made the guilt twist deeper into your chest.
But every night, without fail, Jay came back. He'd shuffle in, his backpack slung over one shoulder, his shirt slightly wrinkled, and his face drawn with exhaustion.
No matter how tired he was, he'd sit beside you for a while, asking how your day had been, what you'd eaten, or if you needed anything.
Then, when he couldn't fight the fatigue anymore, he'd curl up on the couch, a thin blanket thrown over him, and fall asleep with his phone still clutched in his hand.
You'd watch him sometimes, your chest tightening at the sight of him.
Jay's mother visited often, breezing into the room with her warm smile and bags full of food. "You need to eat this," she'd say, setting down a steaming dish in front of you. "It'll help your bones."
The next day, it was something new: "This will boost your blood count!" she'd exclaim, watching eagerly as you took hesitant bites.
At first, you forced yourself to eat out of politeness, but slowly, you began to notice things.
You realized you liked gimbap—the way the rice was soft and slightly sweet, the seaweed wrapping it all together. You discovered new juices and found yourself craving strawberry milkshake more than anything else.
Jay's mom always noticed. "Strawberry milkshake, hmm?" she teased one afternoon, her smile playful. "I'll make sure to bring more tomorrow."
The warmth of her attention and care settled uncomfortably in your chest. You didn't know how to handle it, didn't know what to do with the kindness she gave so freely. It was foreign, and it made the guilt inside you grow.
After weeks of lying in bed, your body weak and fragile, the day finally came when you managed to stand on your own two feet. It wasn't easy. Your legs shook, your grip on the metal IV stand so tight your knuckles turned white, but you did it. For a brief moment, you felt a flicker of pride.
But then you looked down at yourself. Your pale, almost sickly skin stretched over your bony frame. Faint bruises marred your knees and legs.
You hated looking at yourself like this—so helpless, so exposed.
Your fingers trembled as you tightened your grip on the IV stand, leaning against it for support. Every movement felt slow and deliberate, like your body was relearning how to move after months of stillness. You shuffled to the calendar pinned on the wall, each step sending a dull ache through your legs, but you pushed through it.
December 13.
You stared at the date, your chest tightening as the weight of it settled on you. Three months. Three months until the Purge.
Your hand instinctively went to your stomach, as if trying to steady the rising wave of anxiety building inside you. You swallowed hard, your throat dry and tight. The memories began creeping in, uninvited, flashing behind your eyes like fragments of a nightmare you could never escape.
You shook your head, closing your eyes to block it out, but it didn't help. The thought was already there, rooting itself firmly in your mind.
You couldn't go back to the same cycle of fear, of waiting for someone to find you, to break you all over again.
Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you tried to steady your breathing, gripping the IV stand as it was the only thing keeping you upright. You felt caught in between two versions of yourself—the girl who cowered in fear, and the one who had spent months preparing to become something worse.
"You're standing."
The voice startled you, and you turned your head sharply, your grip tightening on the IV stand.
Jay was standing at the doorway, his hand on the handle, staring at you with that familiar wide smile that somehow made the heaviness in the room feel a little lighter.
"My mother said you like strawberry milkshake, so I brought you one," he said, stepping inside and walking toward you, his eyes soft with pride as he glanced at your trembling legs. "Here, let me help."
Before you could say anything, Jay gently took your hand and guided you back to the bed,
"I think I should discharge," you said quietly, the words barely escaping your lips.
Jay blinked, his smile fading slightly. "Why? You're not well yet. Are you thinking about the bills? You shouldn't. I told you, that's already taken care of."
You shook your head, staring at the strawberry milkshake in his hand as he popped the straw into the cup. He handed it to you, the smell of sweet strawberries wafting up and tempting your senses, but you couldn't focus on it.
"The Purge," you said finally, your voice trembling as you gripped the cup tightly, your knuckles turning white. "It's coming again."
Jay froze for a moment, his expression softening as he crouched down in front of you, his eyes level with yours. You could feel his gaze searching your face, waiting for you to continue.
"They... they're coming," you mumbled, your voice breaking. Your chest started to rise and fall rapidly, your breath coming in short, uneven gasps. "I don't know what they'll do this time."
Jay reached out instinctively, his hand resting gently on top of yours, steadying the trembling that had begun to spread through your fingers.
"They always find me. No matter where I go. They... they enjoy it. It's a game to them." Jay's jaw tightened, his eyes darkening as he listened.
"They won't find you this time," he said firmly, his voice filled with a quiet determination. "I won't let them."
You stared at him, your chest tightening as you tried to find the words to respond. Instead, you looked down at the strawberry milkshake in your hand, the straw still untouched. Slowly, you brought it to your lips, taking a small sip. The sweet, familiar taste spread across your tongue, and for just a moment.
Jay stayed crouched in front of you, his hand still resting lightly on yours as he watched your expression soften just slightly after taking a sip of the strawberry milkshake.
"Y/N," Jay said after a pause, his voice careful.
You glanced at him, your grip tightening slightly around the cup in your hands. "What is it?"
Jay shifted, sitting back on his heels but keeping his gaze level with yours. "Have you ever thought about talking to someone? You know, a therapist? Someone who might be able to help with... everything you've been through."
Your breath hitched, and you stiffened slightly, your shoulders tensing as the words sank in. "I don't need that," you muttered quickly, looking away from him. "I'm fine."
Jay tilted his head slightly, his expression soft but unconvinced. "I don't think you're fine," he said gently, his tone lacking any hint of judgment. "And that's okay. You don't have to be fine. After what you've been through... no one would expect you to be."
Your chest tightened, your fingers digging into the cup as you tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat. "I don't want to talk about it," you said, your voice trembling slightly. "Talking won't change anything. It won't make the memories go away."
"I know," Jay said softly. "It won't erase what happened. But maybe it could help you carry it. You've been carrying all of this alone for so long, Y/N. Maybe it's time to let someone else help."
"I can't," you whispered, shaking your head. "I don't know how to... to say it out loud. I don't even know where I'd start."
Jay's hand tightened slightly on yours, grounding you as he leaned closer. "You don't have to start anywhere specific," he said quietly.
"You just have to take it one step at a time. They won't push you to talk about anything you're not ready for. It's not about fixing everything all at once—it's about helping you find a way to live with it."
You looked at him, your vision blurred by unshed tears, and for a moment, you hated how much his words made sense. You hated how right he was, how kind he was being, how much he cared when you weren't sure you deserved it.
"I don't know," you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know if I can do it."
Jay nodded, his eyes warm and understanding. "That's okay," he said softly, his voice steady and reassuring.
"You don't have to decide right now," he continued, his hand lightly squeezing yours. "I just want you to know it's an option. And if you ever want to try, I'll be there with you. I'll help you find someone. You don't have to do it alone."
You stared at him, his words settling in your heart like a soft weight. Slowly, you nodded, a small, shy smile tugging at your lips. "Thank you," you whispered,
January came, and you were finally discharged from the hospital. It felt strange being back in the world after so much time spent in bed, but Jay made it easier.
In the weeks after your release, you returned to your small apartment, but more often than not, you found yourself spending your nights at Jay's home.
His mother insisted, always greeting you with a warm smile and asking how you were feeling. "It's better to keep an eye on you," she'd say, ushering you to the dinner table, where she'd pile your plate with food.
You had stopped studying, deciding to focus on working full-time instead. Jay had suggested a restaurant he knew, and before long, you found yourself settling into a routine. The work was tiring, but it kept your mind busy, and slowly, the spark in your eyes began to return.
Your nightmares didn't disappear, but they became easier to bear with Jay by your side. Whenever you woke up crying, shaking from the images that haunted you, he was always there.
"Shhh, it's okay," he'd whisper, pulling you into his arms and holding you close. His chest was warm and steady against your cheek, and his hand would rub soothing circles on your back as he whispered, "I'm here, love. I've got you."
You didn't know where he got his patience. No matter how many times you woke him in the middle of the night, trembling and crying, he never got frustrated. He never made you feel like a burden.
And maybe that's why, before you even realized it, you fell in love with him.
It wasn't a dramatic realization—no grand moment or spark. It was slow and steady, like the warmth he gave you every day. It was in the way he smiled at you, in the way he stayed even when he didn't have to.
You wanted to be better for him. You wanted to be strong—not just for yourself, but for him, too. That's when you decided to take his advice. You were going to try and talk to a therapist.
One evening, you were lying on his chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm beneath your ear. His hand played idly with your hair, his fingers brushing through the strands like it was second nature. The room was quiet, the only sound coming from the soft hum of the heater, and you felt so at ease it was almost strange.
You tilted your head slightly, looking up at him. His eyes were closed, his lips relaxed in a small, peaceful smile. Something about the moment felt so natural, so intimate, that it made your heart swell.
Without really thinking, you leaned closer, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. You felt him shift slightly beneath you, but he didn't stop you. The warmth of his skin was comforting, and before you could second-guess yourself, you pressed a soft kiss to his neck.
You felt his body tense under you, his breath hitching ever so slightly. His fingers froze in your hair, and for a moment, you thought you'd made a mistake.
"Y/N," he murmured, his voice low and shaky, like he wasn't sure what to say.
You lifted your head slightly, meeting his wide eyes, your cheeks burning. "I—" you started, but the words caught in your throat.
Jay's lips parted, his gaze flicking between your eyes and your lips.
You bit your lip, "I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice barely audible.
His expression softened immediately, his fingers brushing your cheek. "Don't be," he said gently. "Just... tell me. Is this what you want?"
You hesitated for only a moment before nodding again. "Yes," you breathed, your voice trembling.
Jay's hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you closer until your lips were just a breath apart. "Me too," he whispered, and then he kissed you.
It was soft, tentative at first, like he was afraid of breaking the moment, but when you kissed him back, his grip on you tightened slightly, his lips pressing more firmly against yours.
When you finally pulled away, both of you breathless, he rested his forehead against yours, his hand still cradling the back of your head.
Your tongue traced a slow, deliberate line down to his neck, and when you sucked gently at the sensitive skin there, he groaned, low and deep, the sound sending a rush of heat through you.
"Y/N," he murmured, his voice shaky as his hands found their way to your waist. You grabbed them, guiding them more firmly against your body as you shifted, straddling his lap.
Jay's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his gaze darkened, his lips parting slightly as you leaned down to kiss him again. This time, the kiss wasn't soft —it was full of need, your lips moving hungrily against his as your hips rolled against him.
You gasped into his mouth, the heat pooling low in your stomach as you felt the tension building between you. Your breath came in heavy pants as you pulled back just enough to whisper, "I love you."
Jay's hands slid under your clothes, his fingers brushing against the bare skin of your waist. His touch was warm.
"I love you," he said back, his voice low and full of something raw, his head tilting back slightly as your movements sent a shiver through him.
You didn't stop. Your hips pressed into him again, a slow, deliberate grind that made him bite back a groan, his head falling back further as his grip on your waist tightened. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment, his breath coming out in a shaky exhale.
His hands moved to the hem of your shirt, pausing as his eyes met yours again. "Can I?" he asked softly, his voice laced with tenderness.
You nodded, your heart racing as he carefully lifted the shirt over your head. His eyes roamed over you, taking in every inch of exposed skin, and you felt a familiar pang of self-consciousness.
You instinctively moved to cover yourself, your arms wrapping around your torso, but Jay stopped you gently, his hands warm and steady as they held yours.
"Don't hide," he whispered, his voice so soft it made your chest ache. "Please don't hide from me."
Your breath hitched as his hands released yours, moving slowly to trace the lines of one of the scars on your shoulder. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the scar on your shoulder, the gesture so tender it sent a jolt through your entire body.
He kissed it again, slower this time, before moving to another scar on your arm, his lips lingering as if to erase the pain it carried.
You couldn't stop the tears that spilled over, your hands trembling as they clutched at his shoulders. "Jay..." you whispered, your voice cracking.
"I see you," he murmured against your skin, his hands steady as they held your waist. "I see all of you, and I love every part of you."
His lips brushed against the scar on your collarbone, then another on your ribs, each kiss more deliberate than the last.
Jay's eyes softened as he whispered, "You're so beautiful, I love you."
The sincerity in his words made your heart race, your breath catching in your throat. You didn't know how to respond, your chest tightening with emotions too overwhelming to name. Instead, you leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that spoke all the words you couldn't say.
His hands slid up your back, his touch firm yet tender as he pulled you closer, your bodies pressing together. The kiss deepened, slow and consuming, his lips moving against yours with a passion that sent heat coursing through your veins.
Then, with a flick of his fingers, you felt the clasp of your bra come undone. The cool air brushed against your skin.
A soft moan escaped your lips as his hand cupped your breast, his thumb brushing over your nipple, teasing and flicking it in a way that made your back arch involuntarily. Jay groaned against your mouth, the sound low and deep, sending a wave of desire pooling low in your stomach.
He gently guided you to lay down, his lips never leaving yours until he moved to your jawline, then your neck, leaving a trail of heated kisses in his wake.
He stopped at your left breast, his warm breath ghosting over your skin before he wrapped his lips around your nipple, sucking gently.
The sensation made you gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as you arched into him. His tongue flicked over the sensitive peak, sending jolts of pleasure through your body, while his right hand gripped your other breast, kneading it with just the right amount of pressure.
You let your head fall back, lost in the feeling, soft moans spilling from your lips as your body responded to his every touch. His name escaped your lips like a prayer, and he hummed against your skin, the vibrations adding to the heat building within you.
Just when you thought you couldn't take any more, his right hand began to travel lower. His fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your panties, and you felt his touch move in slow, deliberate circles.
A gasp tore from your throat as his fingers teased you, his touch light but enough to make your hips lift in desperation. "Jay," you breathed, your voice trembling with need, your body aching for more.
"You're so perfect," he murmured, his voice rough and heavy with desire. His lips returned to yours, as his fingers continued their slow, torturous motion, building a fire within you that you couldn't extinguish.
When his finger slowly slid inside you, your breath hitched, your chest pressing into his as you wrapped your arms tightly around his neck. The sensation was overwhelming, every nerve in your body alive with heat as he moved inside you, testing your limits.
Jay's forehead rested against yours, his breath heavy and warm against your lips. "I'm going to add another one, baby," he said, his voice low and filled with lust. "Can you take it?"
You nodded quickly, your hands clutching at him, your voice trembling as you whispered, "I can take it for you."
He groaned at your words, his jaw tightening as he stared at you with darkened eyes. "Fuck, don't say stuff like that," he muttered, his voice almost a growl.
Without wasting another second, he slid a second finger inside you, stretching you in a way that made your back arch. The pace of his movements quickened, the slick sound of his fingers filling the room as your walls clenched around him. The pleasure built fast, sharp and electric, making your breath come out in broken gasps.
Jay leaned down, his lips trailing along your collarbone, then down to your chest again. His mouth latched onto your breast, his tongue flicking over your nipple, adding another layer of sensation that made your head spin.
"Jay," you whimpered, your hips moving on their own, grinding into his hand as his fingers curled inside you, hitting a spot that made stars explode behind your eyes.
"You're so good," he murmured against your skin, his free hand gripping your waist to keep you steady as his mouth moved between your breasts, leaving heated kisses in his wake.
"I'm gonna cum," you whined, your voice high and desperate as the pressure in your stomach coiled tighter and tighter.
Jay didn't let up. His tongue teased your nipple, licking it in slow, deliberate strokes that made you shudder, while his thumb suddenly found your clit, pressing and rubbing it in perfect rhythm with his fingers.
The combination was too much. Your body shaking uncontrollably as the pleasure crashed over you in waves. "Jay!" you sobbed, your hips lifting off the bed as your orgasm hit, leaving you trembling and breathless beneath him.
He didn't stop right away, his fingers and thumb slowing just enough to help you ride out the high, his lips never leaving your skin. "That's it," he whispered, his voice full of pride and adoration. "You're so beautiful like this."
Your hands clutched at his shoulders, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. When his fingers finally slipped out of you, you whimpered softly, feeling the loss of his touch.
Jay kissed your forehead gently, his hands soothing over your sides as he pulled you into his arms, holding you close against his chest. "I've got you," he murmured, his voice soft again, filled with affection. "I've got you."
"I was preparing for the Purge this year," you said quietly, staring at your hands instead of your therapist, Ms. Jisoo.
"A self-defense plan, or something more?" she asked gently. There was no judgment in her voice, just calm curiosity.
"Something more," you admitted, biting your lip as your fingers fidgeted in your lap.
Ms. Jisoo nodded softly, giving you space to speak. "Do you still think about it now, after falling in love?"
You paused, her question lingering in your mind. "I don't know," you said after a moment. "I've been so focused on him... on how he makes me feel. The only thing I know for sure is I want to be a better person for him. Not... this."
You hesitated, your voice trembling. "Not some mentally unstable girl who can't even sleep through the night without waking up screaming."
Your chest tightened as the words left you, the guilt clawing at your throat.
Ms. Jisoo leaned forward slightly, her voice gentle and steady. "Wanting to heal for someone you love is a wonderful thing, Y/N. But it's okay to want to heal for yourself too. That doesn't make you weak, and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you."
Her words softened something in your chest, but the guilt was still there, heavy and sharp. You bit your lip harder, tears welling in your eyes.
"D-Do you think I'm a monster?" you asked suddenly, your voice breaking. "For thinking about purging this year? For even wanting it?" You finally looked up at her, tears spilling as you waited for the answer you feared most.
Ms. Jisoo's expression stayed calm, warm, and understanding. "You're not a monster," she said gently, her voice soft as she stares at you.
"You're someone who's been hurt. Someone who's been through things no one should ever have to experience. It's okay to feel angry. It's okay to feel hate. Those feelings don't make you a monster. They make you human."
"But they feel so wrong," you whispered, tears streaming down your face. "Wanting it feels wrong."
"They're not wrong or right," she said softly. "They're just feelings."
You sniffled, wiping at your face with trembling hands, but her words didn't fully settle the storm inside you. After a moment, you looked back at her, hesitating before asking the question that had been on your mind for so long.
"Do you... agree with the Purge?"
Ms. Jisoo blinked, caught off guard by the question. She leaned back slightly, her hands folding in her lap as she thought about her answer.
"No," she said after a moment, "I don't. I don't think violence solves anything. And I don't think people should have the right to hurt others, no matter what the law says. The Purge... it brings out the worst in people. It allows fear and hate to fester. And I've seen how much it hurts people—people like you."
Her gaze softened, and she leaned forward slightly, her tone quiet. "But I also understand why you feel the way you do. The Purge forces people to live in fear, to carry anger and pain that they shouldn't have to carry. It's normal to feel conflicted. It's normal to feel angry."
You swallowed hard, her words sinking into you like drops of water on dry ground. "So... I'm not wrong for feeling like this?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
"No," she said firmly. "You're not wrong. You're human, Y/N. And humans feel messy, complicated things. There's no shame in that."
You nodded slowly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what to do with myself. I keep thinking and thinking about what I should do to live freely... but nothing feels right."
Ms. Jisoo smiled gently, her expression steady and reassuring. "It's okay to feel lost, Y/N. Healing doesn't come with a map or a timeline. But you're taking steps forward, even if they're small. Just keep going. You'll find your way."
By the middle of February, your days had settled into a rhythm. You managed your job at the restaurant, worked through your therapy sessions every week, and spent most of your free time with Jay and his mother.
Their home felt warm, almost like a haven, and you found yourself doing small things to show your gratitude—buying Jay his favorite snacks, surprising his mom with flowers or something she'd mentioned in passing.
They never expected anything in return for their kindness, but doing those little things made you feel like you were giving back in some small way.
One evening, the restaurant was hosting a group of high-class businesspeople who had reserved the entire dining area. The room buzzed with laughter and chatter, the expensive suits and gleaming jewelry making you feel out of place as you carried trays of food to their table.
As you placed the dishes on the table, your eyes drifted to a middle-aged blonde woman sitting at the center. Her hair was perfectly styled, her tailored suit fitting her like it had been made just for her. She held a glass of wine delicately, twirling it in her hand as she laughed with the others.
Your breath hitched.
A memory slammed into you with the force of a freight train.
Gunshots. Screams. Blood splattered across the ground. You could see the flash of a machete. Hear the sound of a head rolling across the dirt. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, your throat tightening as the room spun around you. The scar on your arm felt like it was burning.
"Excuse me?" a man's voice pulled you back to reality, his tone polite but firm. "Do you need anything else?"
You blinked, your breath still shaky as you tried to steady yourself. The blonde woman's laughter had faded, and now she was looking at you, her piercing eyes sharp and almost bored, like she was trying to place where she'd seen you before.
You struggled to keep your hands from trembling as you clutched the tray tighter. "I-I'm fine," you stammered, inhaling deeply to keep your composure.
But it didn't help when one of the other women at the table—a brunette with diamond earrings—reached for your arm, pushing up your sleeve to reveal the long scar that ran down the length of it.
"God," the woman said, her voice dripping with disgust. "What a nasty scar you have." Her fingers brushed the raised tissue, making you flinch involuntarily. "How'd you even get this?"
You froze, the room seeming to go quiet as her words echoed in your ears. You couldn't breathe, couldn't think. You wanted to rip your arm away, but your body felt paralyzed, like you were trapped in that night all over again.
And then, you heard yourself asking, "Are you Ms. Wilson?"
The words felt foreign on your tongue, your voice shaky as you stared at the blonde woman.
She raised an eyebrow at you, her expression amused. "Yes, why?" she asked, taking another sip of her wine. "Do I know you?"
You almost laughed. Of course, she didn't remember. People like her never did.
Your grip on the tray tightened, your knuckles white as your mind raced. You remembered her now—her face, her voice, the way she had smiled behind the mask as she watched you and the others run for your lives.
And she didn't even remember you.
"No," you said, your voice steady despite the storm raging inside you. "You don't."
Her head tilted slightly, her sharp eyes narrowing as if she were trying to place you, but after a moment, she simply shrugged and turned back to her companions, already dismissing you from her mind.
Your heart pounded in your chest, your nails digging into the tray as you tried to contain the rage bubbling up inside you.
You turned on your heel, your legs trembling with each step as you left the dining area. The walls of the restaurant seemed to close in, the air thick and suffocating.
Your breaths came in short, shallow gasps as you pushed through the kitchen doors, your tray clattering loudly onto the counter.
Gripping the edge of the counter, your knuckles turned white as you stared down at the cold, stainless steel surface. You willed yourself to calm down, to pull it together, but your heart was racing, your chest heaving as the memories refused to let you go.
You muttered something about not feeling well to your manager, barely hearing his reply as you left the restaurant.
You didn't go to Jay's home like you usually did. Instead, you walked to your own apartment, your feet moving automatically, your head swirling with thoughts you couldn't control.
When you finally closed the door behind you, something inside you broke. You let out a scream, raw and primal, nails digging into your throat as if you could claw the pain away. Tears streamed down your face, hot and endless, blurring your vision as sob after sob wracked your body.
You stumbled to the target board you had set up on the wall—the one you used for practice, for preparation—and grabbed a knife. With a sharp, angry cry, you hurled it at the board. It hit the target right in the head.
You screamed again, louder this time, grabbing anything within reach and throwing it across the room. A glass shattered against the wall. A stack of books tumbled to the floor. You didn't care.
When you finally collapsed onto your bed, your body was trembling, your chest heaving as you cried into the pillow. The tears wouldn't stop, your sobs loud and broken as you curled into yourself, trying to escape the weight pressing down on you.
At some point, exhaustion took over, and you fell asleep, your face damp with tears.
You jolted awake when the bed shifted beneath you. Your heart leapt into your throat, your body tensing instinctively, but then you saw him—Jay, sitting beside you, his worried eyes scanning your face.
"You didn't come home," he said softly, his voice full of concern.
"I was worried. Your manager said you took an early leave." He reached for your hand, holding it gently as his thumb brushed over your knuckles. "Did something happen?"
His voice was so calm, so steady, and it only made your tears resurface. You watched him lift your hand, pressing a soft kiss to your fingertips. The tenderness in his actions broke you all over again.
Your eyes watered, and before you could stop yourself, you threw your arms around him, burying your face in his chest as you cried. Your sobs were muffled against the fabric of his shirt, but he didn't say anything—he just held you, his arms wrapping around you tightly, protectively.
"It will never go away," you choked out between sobs, your voice muffled against his chest. "I don't know how to heal when this Purge still fucking exists."
Jay tightened his hold on you, his hand moving to the back of your head as he gently stroked your hair.
"I'm so sorry," you cried, your voice breaking. "For always being like this."
"Shh," he murmured softly, pulling you into his lap. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close. "You don't have to apologize, love. Don't ever apologize for how you feel."
You buried your face in his shoulder, shaking your head. The words of comfort should've helped, but all they did was amplify the storm inside you.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Jay asked, his voice low and patient.
You shook your head, gripping him tighter. You couldn't bring yourself to say it. Not now. Not yet.
He didn't push. He just held you, his hand running up and down your back as you cried into him.
And then, as the room grew quieter, your emotions spilled into something else. The ache in your chest shifted, giving way to a deeper, more desperate need—the need to feel alive, to feel connected, to escape the weight of your mind, even if only for a moment.
Your lips found his, and he kissed you back without hesitation, his hands tightening around your waist. The kiss was slow at first, gentle, but soon it grew hungry, fueled by the raw emotion lingering in the air.
It wasn't long before your knees dug into the mattress, your body arching beneath him as he moved inside you. The pain and weight of your emotions blurred into the pleasure of his touch, every thrust sending a wave of heat through your body.
"A-ah! Fuck, slow down!" you gasped as he hit a spot inside you that made your toes curl.
"Felt so good," Jay groaned, his breath hot against your ear as his body pressed flush against yours. His lips found the nape of your neck, leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses as his fingers kneaded your breasts, sending sparks of sensation through you.
You threw your head back, your arms giving out beneath you as he pressed deeper. "Jay," you whimpered, his name tumbling from your lips as your body trembled with every movement.
"Love you," he groaned, his voice rough with desperation. "Fuck, a-ah, I'm gonna cum."
"Inside me, please," you begged, your voice barely above a whisper, but he heard you.
Jay's body fell against yours as he pushed deeper, his breath hitching as his release overtook him. The feeling of him filling you pushed you over the edge, your orgasm crashing into you so intensely that tears pricked your eyes.
Your cries of overstimulation mixed with his groans, his hips moving in small, desperate thrusts as he fill inside you. Finally, he collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms, his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath.
His lips pressed soft kisses along your forehead and temple, his hand trailing to your stomach, where his fingers traced gentle patterns on your skin.
"I love you," he whispered, his voice so full of sincerity that it made your chest ache.
You turned your head, catching his lips in a soft, lingering kiss. He kissed you back, his thumb brushing against your cheek.
"Spend the Purge at our house," he said after a moment, his forehead resting against yours. "You'll be safe there. I'll protect you. I promise."
His words should have comforted you. They should have been enough. But as you stared into his eyes, full of love and hope, you felt your chest tighten.
Because no matter what Jay did to protect you, no matter how much healing you tried to find, there was one truth you couldn't ignore.
No matter how hard you fought it, no matter how much you loved him, you're still broken, and lost.
March 21, 3:00 PM
You wiped the tables methodically, trying to focus on the task, but the air in the restaurant was tense. All eyes were glued to the TV mounted on the wall, where the announcement of the Annual Purge was being broadcast. The monotone voice of the announcer echoed through the room, describing the rules and restrictions for the night.
Your manager came up to you, his voice urgent. "Hey, take an early leave. Go home and get ready. You shouldn't be out when the sirens start."
You nodded, offering him a faint smile. "Thanks, I'll head out soon."
After finishing up and helping close the restaurant, you walked back to your apartment. The sun was dipping lower in the sky, casting long shadows over the streets. As you set up a small barricade in your apartment—nothing fancy, just furniture pressed against the windows and doors—you heard a car honk outside.
Peeking out, you saw Jay leaning casually against his car, waiting for you with that familiar warm smile.
You felt a wave of comfort wash over you at the sight of him. Smiling back, you hurried outside, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
"Let's go home?" he asked, his voice calm and full of care.
You hesitated, glancing back at your apartment. "I need to grab a few things first," you said.
Jay nodded easily. "Of course. Take your time."
After changing out of your work uniform, you slipped into a white off-shoulder dress that reached your knees—something simple yet elegant. You'd never worn it before, and even the soft fabric against your skin felt foreign. Paired with Mary Jane shoes and a pair of cute white socks.
When you stepped into Jay's car, he looked up at you, his eyes widening slightly. "Wow," he murmured, his gaze softening. "You look beautiful."
You felt your cheeks warm as he leaned in, holding your jaw gently and pecking your lips. "What's with the outfit today?" he teased, laughing lightly.
You smiled faintly, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "I just thought... maybe I'd wear something different. Something nice."
Jay laughed again, his hand reaching out toward your thigh, but you subtly redirected it, placing it over yours instead. He didn't seem to mind, intertwining his fingers with yours as his other hand rested on the steering wheel.
March 21, 4:30 PM
The house was buzzing with noise by the time you arrived. From the top of the stairs, you peeked down and saw six boys piling in through the entrance, bags slung over their shoulders as they greeted Jay's mother.
"Oh, it's Jay's friends!" his mother exclaimed warmly, hugging them one by one.
You recognized Ni-ki and Sunoo, the only ones you'd met before. The rest were strangers to you, their confident voices filling the house as they exchanged jokes and pleasantries.
"Hi, Mrs. Park! I hope you don't mind if we spend the Purge here at your house!" said a tall man with an easy smile.
"No problem, Heesung," Jay's mother replied, her voice full of affection. "What about your parents and sisters?"
"They're at a party," another boy replied casually. "Some politician's mansion. They love that kind of thing."
Your breath hitched, the words hitting a nerve.
What a nice life to be rich, you thought bitterly.
"Hey," Jay's voice pulled you from your thoughts. You turned to see him standing beside you, his brow furrowed slightly. "Are you okay?"
You forced a smile, one you'd perfected over the years. "Yeah, I'm fine. Your friends are downstairs."
Jay studied you for a moment longer, but then he smiled, intertwining his hand with yours as he led you down the stairs.
The boys were loud and full of energy, laughing and teasing each other as they set their bags down and unpacked their things. Jay's mother fussed over them, offering snacks and asking about their families.
"This is Y/N, my girlfriend," Jay announced proudly, pulling you close by your waist.
The room fell quiet for a brief moment, and you could feel their gazes on you.
"Oh my God, you're a thing now?" Jay's mother gasped, her hands clasped over her mouth.
"Isn't it obvious?" Jay replied with a laugh.
One of the boys stepped forward, introducing himself. "Hi, Y/N! I'm Heesung. This is Jake, Sunghoon, and Jungwon. I guess you already know Ni-ki and Sunoo."
You offered a polite smile, nodding as they all greeted you.
As the evening went on, you stayed mostly quiet, helping Jay's mother prepare food while the boys joked around. Jay noticed your silence, slipping his arms around your waist from behind as you worked in the kitchen.
"Hey," he murmured against your ear. "You're safe, okay? You don't need to worry."
You turned to look at him, your heart heavy with emotions you couldn't express. "I love you," you said softly, staring into his eyes.
Jay smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips. "I love you more," he replied, glancing at his watch. "It's already 6:30. I need to barricade the house."
You nodded, watching as he started to walk away. Then, impulsively, you called out, "Jay."
He turned back, his eyes soft. "Hmm?"
Walking up to him, you wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. His hands found your face, gently brushing his thumb across your cheek as he looked at you with worry. "Are you anxious, baby?" he asked softly.
"No," you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. "I just wanted to say I love you again."
Jay let out a soft laugh, leaning down to kiss you. "Love, I'm just barricading the house, not purging." He kissed your forehead tenderly, his lips lingering for a moment. "Now, let me lock everything down so we'll be safe, okay?"
You nodded, stepping back reluctantly as he disappeared toward the storage room.
Jay walked through the dim hallway leading to the storage room when he heard footsteps behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Sunghoon catching up to him, a casual smirk on his face as he slung an arm around Jay's shoulder.
"Yo, bro," Sunghoon said casually, falling into step beside him. "No offense but, you sure about that girl?"
Jay frowned, shrugging off Sunghoon's arm. "Why? What are you talking about?"
Sunghoon shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. "She just... seems like a lot. I mean, no offense, but she looks like she's difficult to handle."
Jay's brows furrowed deeper, his steps slowing as he turned to face Sunghoon. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Look, we care about you," Sunghoon said, raising his hands as if to calm him. "Have you seen her scars? Her face? She's clearly been through some shit. Is she even healed from all that?"
Jay's jaw tightened, his teeth clenching as anger flared in his chest. He stepped closer to Sunghoon, his voice low and dangerous. "Watch your mouth."
"Chill, man, I'm just saying." Sunghoon grabbed Jay's arm in an attempt to reason with him. "That girl's got baggage, and I'm telling you, she's going to be a lot of problems for you. She's not stable, bro. You can't tell me you haven't noticed."
Jay didn't let him finish. His hand shot out, grabbing Sunghoon by the collar and shoving him back against the wall. "Say another word, and I swear I'll make you regret it," he growled, his voice dripping with rage.
Sunghoon's eyes widened slightly, but he didn't back down. "I'm trying to look out for you, Jay," he said, his tone firm. "You're my friend. I don't want you getting hurt."
Jay released him with a sharp shove, his chest heaving as he tried to control his temper. "Don't ever talk about her like that again," he said coldly, his eyes burning with anger. "You don't know a damn thing about her."
He turned on his heel, ignoring Sunghoon as he walked into the storage room. His hands trembled slightly as he pressed the button to activate the lockdown. The sound of metal walls sliding into place filled the air, sealing the house and cutting off the world outside.
"Jay, listen to me," Sunghoon said, his voice following him into the room. "I'm serious. There's something off about her. Just think about it, man."
Jay didn't respond. He slammed the door shut behind him, shutting Sunghoon out both literally and figuratively.
Returning to the living room, Jay found the rest of his friends lounging on the couches, laughing and exchanging stories. His mother was tidying up nearby, a small smile on her face as she listened to their chatter.
"Where's Y/N?" Jay asked, his eyes scanning the room.
"I think she went to your room," Ni-ki said, glancing up from his phone. "She said she wanted to sleep early."
Jay nodded, his shoulders relaxing slightly. But before he could take another step, Sunghoon appeared at his side again.
"Man, I'm trying to talk to you," Sunghoon said, his voice laced with frustration.
Jay's patience snapped. Without thinking, he turned and landed a punch squarely on Sunghoon's jaw, sending him stumbling backward.
The room fell silent as the others jumped to their feet.
"Jay! What the hell are you doing?!" Jake shouted, stepping between them.
"I'm just trying to give him advice about his girlfriend!" Sunghoon snapped, holding his jaw as he glared at Jay.
"Are you seriously saying that fucking nonsense while my girlfriend is in this house?!" he shouted. "How dare you even say that shit in front of me?!"
Sunghoon raised his hands in defense, but Jay wasn't done. He stepped closer, pointing a finger at him. "You've known her for, what, an hour? And you think you have the right to judge her? To judge us? Fuck you, Sunghoon!"
"Jay, calm down," Heesung said cautiously, stepping between the two of them with his hands outstretched, but Jay wasn't having it.
"You don't get to judge her just because of what you think you see!" Jay growled, his voice trembling with anger. He shoved Heesung and Jake off as they tried to hold him back.
"Get the fuck off me!" he barked, storming out of the living room. His footsteps pounded against the floor as he made his way up the stairs, leaving everyone behind in stunned silence.
Jay climbed the stairs two at a time, his anger still simmering beneath the surface. He pulled out his phone, swiping through his notifications until he found a message from Dr. Jisoo that he had missed earlier.
Dr. Jisoo: Good afternoon, Mr. Park. I just wanted to check in on Y/N since she's missed her last three sessions. Please keep an eye on her, especially today—it's a particularly triggering event for her. Thank you.
Jay felt a wave of dread wash over him, his heart sinking into his stomach. He quickened his pace, practically sprinting to his bedroom.
"Y/N?" he called, pushing the door open.
But the room was empty.
Panic set in as he checked the bathroom, the closet, all of the room, even under the bed, but you were nowhere to be found.
He bolted back down the stairs, his voice frantic as he called out for you. "Y/N?! Where are you?!"
His mother stepped into the hallway, her face pale with worry. "What's wrong, Jay?"
"She's gone," he said, his voice shaking. "Did anyone see her leave?!"
Everyone in the living room exchanged confused looks, shrugging helplessly.
"Y/N?!" Jay shouted again, his voice echoing through the house.
Jay froze as the broadcast echoed through the house, the robotic voice chilling him to the bone.
"This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S Government.
Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.
Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning, until 7 a.m., when the Purge concludes.
Blessed by our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all."
The final words echoed in his ears as the sirens blared, signaling the start of the Purge.
His heart pounded, his chest tight as he pieced everything together. The missed therapy sessions, how quiet you had been all day, the way you hugged him like it might be the last time.
You weren't in the house.
You were out there.
Jay turned on his heel and sprinted to the storage room, his mind racing as panic surged through him.
He yanked open his closet, grabbing the bag he had packed weeks ago—just in case. Inside were the essentials: a shotgun, a pistol, extra ammunition, and a knife. He tossed the bag over his shoulder, his hands trembling as he loaded the pistol, cocking it with precision.
"Jay, what are you doing?!" his mother cried, standing at the door with tears streaming down her face.
"Unlock the barricade and lock it again after I leave," he said coldly, his voice devoid of the warmth she was used to.
"Jay, you can't! It's dangerous out there!" she pleaded, stepping closer.
"Unlock it!" he snapped, his voice sharp, though his eyes betrayed his inner turmoil. "Please, Mom. I have to go."
"No," Sunghoon interrupted, stepping forward and grabbing Jay's arm. "You're not thinking straight. She left, Jay. She chose to go out there—"
Jay swatted his hand away, pointing the pistol directly at Sunghoon's head. The room went silent.
"Jay!" Heesung shouted, stepping forward.
"Come any closer, and I'll blow his fucking head off," Jay growled, his jaw tightening as his finger hovered near the trigger. "You don't get to stop me. None of you do."
Sunghoon raised his hands slowly, his expression shifting to one of caution. "Alright, man. Just... relax, okay? I'm just trying to—"
"Shut up," Jay hissed, the tension in his body radiating outward. His voice lowered, trembling slightly. "I told you to stay out of this. She's out there, and I'm going to find her."
He turned his gaze to Ni-ki, who was frozen near the security console. "Ni-ki," Jay said firmly. "Unlock the barricade. Now."
Ni-ki hesitated, looking at Jungwon and Jake for guidance, but neither said anything. With a shaky hand, Ni-ki pressed the button, and the sound of the metal walls lifting reverberated through the house.
"Jay, please," his mother sobbed, grabbing his arm as he stepped toward the door.
Jay paused, his resolve faltering for just a moment as he looked at her. "I'm sorry," he said softly, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "But I can't stay here knowing she's out there."
Tears streamed down her face as she nodded, her voice trembling. "I understand, be safe. Please."
"I will," Jay said, stepping out the door. "Lock it the second I'm gone."
The metal walls began to descend behind him as he walked to his car, his mind racing with questions. Where could you have gone? Why didn't you tell him? Were you safe? Were you scared?
Sliding into the driver's seat, he tossed the bag into the passenger side and gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white. His eyes scanned the darkened streets, the occasional scream or gunshot in the distance reminding him of the stakes.
Without hesitation, he pressed the gas pedal.
You walk slowly down an unfamiliar road, your steps unsteady. You just keep walking and walking, unsure of where you're going or why. You don't understand yourself anymore. You thought everything was finally okay. What more could you ask for?
You have a loving boyfriend who always tries to make you smile. His mother cares for you like her own. You eat three meals a day. You're seeing a therapist. And you even have a safe place to hide on Purge Night.
So why do you feel like this?
Why do you feel so broken when you should feel whole?
Why are you out here, in the middle of the street, on the most dangerous night of the year, with just a knife strapped under your dress?
You wonder if Jay has noticed you're gone. He probably has by now. Your chest tightens at the thought of him pacing back and forth, calling your name.
Your lifeless eyes stare ahead as you walk deeper into the quiet street. It's so still, unnaturally still. No trucks rumbling down the road. No gangs or masked figures in sight.
"Kill me already!" you scream into the emptiness. Your voice echoes down the road, but there's no answer. Not a single sniper or purger takes the bait.
Then, a distant cry catches your ear—a plea for help. You turn toward the sound and walk toward it, your grip tightening on the handle of the knife hidden beneath your dress.
As you approach, you see a young girl sprinting toward you, clutching her bleeding waist. Four people in masks are chasing her, laughing like it's some sick game.
"Man, we just want to purge!" one of them—a woman—cackles. That laugh—it burrows into your memory like a needle.
The girl stumbles, and when her eyes meet yours, there's desperation written all over them. She collapses at your feet, her blood soaking through your white dress as she clings to you.
"Please... help me," she gasps.
Her words are cut off by a gunshot. Blood splatters across your face as a hole appears in her forehead. Her body falls limp, her grip on your dress loosening.
"My fucking soul feels cleansed!" the woman says with a twisted laugh. The others laugh with her, like a pack of hyenas.
"Up next—" the woman starts, raising her pistol toward you.
But you're faster.
In one fluid motion, you pull out your knife and hurl it at her. It pierces through her mask and into her skull. She drops instantly, blood dripping from the blade.
The remaining three hesitate, stunned. That's all the time you need. You yank the knife from the dead woman's head and dash toward the others, slicing the nearest one's throat in a clean arc.
The man in the joker mask fumbles for his gun, but you grab the dead body beside you, using it as a shield. Then, you throw the knife again, this time hitting his chest.
He stumbles back, gasping for air, as you snatch his gun from his weakening grip. Before he can even hit the ground, you fire a shot straight into his skull.
Now, there's only one left.
The last purger, wearing a cat mask, drops to his knees and pulls the mask off, revealing a trembling man. He raises his hands in surrender, tears streaming down his face.
"P-please... spare me. I-I just wanted to purge this year," he stammers, his voice cracking.
You glare at him, the weight of your actions and emotions swirling inside you.
"How many innocent people have you killed in all the purges you've been a part of?" you ask, your tone icy.
His lip quivers. "P-probably 70—"
Before he can finish, you pull the trigger.
The gunshot echoes through the street as he collapses, lifeless.
Silence fills the street once more as you stand there, your white dress soaked in blood, surrounded by bodies. You don't know how long you've been standing there, staring at the carnage.
Then, it happens.
A soft laugh escapes your lips. It bubbles up from your throat, quiet at first, but it grows louder, sharper, until it echoes down the empty street. It's not a happy laugh. It's hollow, bitter, unhinged.
You bring a hand to your face, your fingers brushing against the blood splattered across your skin.
You really have lost yourself, haven't you? Or, did you found it now?
You hate the Purge. You hate the monsters it creates. You hate the people who thrive on it, the ones who laugh, who kill, who hurt.
So why are you here, in the middle of the night, doing the exact same thing?
Tears prick at your eyes, but they don't fall. You just stand there, your shoulders trembling as the weight of everything presses down on you. You feel nothing. And that terrifies you most of all.
You crouch down, wiping your knife on the dead woman's clothes, smearing blood across the fabric.
Your hands tremble slightly, it's not fear—it's something else. A quiet storm you can't name.
Once the blade gleams clean, you tuck it back into the thigh strap beneath your dress. Grabbing the fallen gun, you check the chamber and reload it. The satisfying click of the cocked weapon echoes as you straighten up and continue walking.
The street stretches ahead, eerily quiet except for the distant sounds of chaos—gunshots, screams, and the occasional rumble of an engine.
Three figures suddenly sprint toward you from the shadows. They glance at you, wide-eyed, as they pass by, their faces pale with fear.
Ahead of you, three figures suddenly appear from the shadows. Their faces are pale with fear as they sprint past you. One of them—a panicked old man—stumbles and grabs your arm, his grip shaky.
"Miss, don't go that way!" he says, his voice hoarse and desperate. "That group's rounding people up—they're psychos!"
His words barely register. Your gaze drifts past him, toward the direction he came from. A cold calm washes over you as he keeps tugging at your arm, pleading.
A large truck screeches to a halt in front of you, its headlights blinding. The old man panics, letting go of your arm and bolting down the road. He doesn't get far. A sharp crack rings out, and he collapses mid-stride, a bullet tearing through his back.
You don't flinch.
The truck door swings open, and several masked figures step out.
One of them grabs your arm, yanking it behind your back as another snatches the gun from your hand.
"Blessed be the New Founding Fathers of America," one of them says, leaning close to your face.
You smile. Not a kind smile—a bitter one. "Blessed be them," you whisper back.
Then, without warning, you jerk your head forward, slamming it into the man's nose. He stumbles back with a grunt of pain, clutching his face as blood pours through his fingers.
Before the others can react, you twist your arm free and yank your knife from its strap. The blade flashes in the dim light as you slice upward, catching one of them in the throat. They gargle and drop to their knees, clutching at the wound.
Another lunges at you, swinging a metal pipe. You duck under the blow, driving the knife into his ribs. He gasps, his body jolting as you twist the blade, blood spraying onto your dress.
You scream—whether it's from rage or something deeper, you're not sure.
The sound rips from your throat as you yank the knife free and stab again, and again, and again, until his body goes limp.
Behind you, the first man—the one whose nose you broke—recovers quickly. He raises his gun, aiming it directly at your back.
You're too focused, too lost in the heat of the moment to notice him.
The loud crack of gunfire fills the air, but it doesn't come from his weapon.
The man's body jerks violently as a burst of bullets tears through him, and he collapses to the ground, lifeless.
Your breath catches in your throat, and you spin around.
Your wide eyes locking onto the figure standing behind him.
"Jay," you whisper, your voice barely audible.
He steps forward slowly, his shotgun still in hand. His expression is unreadable, his eyes flicking over the bodies surrounding you before settling on you.
You brace yourself for the anger you expect to see in his face. For him to yell at you, demand answers, maybe even tell you he's done with you.
But he doesn't.
Instead, he stops in front of you, his gaze softening as he raises a hand to your face. His thumb brushes gently across your cheek, wiping away the streaks of blood smeared there.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice full of worry. "Are you hurt?"
You can't speak. Your lips tremble as tears blur your vision. Slowly, your hand rises to hold his against your cheek.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly, his voice heavy with guilt. "I'm sorry for not noticing sooner that you weren't okay. I should've known."
His words hit you like a punch to the chest, and you shake your head, your tears spilling over. "W-what are you doing here?" you manage to say, your voice shaking. "It's dangerous."
Jay smiles softly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. "I could say the same thing to you, love," he murmurs, pulling you into a warm, protective embrace.
His arms wrap around you tightly, holding you like he's afraid to let go. You bury your face in his chest, your tears soaking into his shirt.
"I can't let my girl be out here alone on Purge Night," he whispers into your hair.
You pull back slightly, looking up at him, your smile shaky and uncertain. "Y-you're not angry?"
Jay shakes his head slowly, his warm hand cupping your face as if to anchor you. "No, baby. I'm not angry," he says softly.
Your lips tremble, the guilt clawing its way up your throat as you look into his eyes. "I... I'm a monster, Jay. Look at what I did," you whisper, your voice cracking.
His thumb gently strokes your cheek, his gaze never leaving yours. There's no judgment there, no fear—just a quiet understanding that makes your chest ache.
"I don't think I'm normal anymore, Jay," you say, your voice barely audible as tears spill freely down your face. "I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I don't know who I am anymore."
You start to sob, the raw emotion pouring out of you like a dam breaking. Jay leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours, his other hand sliding to the back of your neck to hold you steady.
"I love you," he whispers into the space between you. "No matter what. No matter what you've done, no matter what you want to do... I love you."
His words hit you like a wave, and your sobs come harder, your body trembling in his arms.
"You always ask if you're normal," he continues, his tone soothing as he brushes a stray tear from your cheek. "But I already told you, love. Who cares about normal? Normal doesn't matter to me. You matter to me."
His arms wrap around you tighter, pulling you against his chest.
"If this is what you need to do to heal, then I'll be here," he whispers into your ear. "And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't say this to me. I'll always understand, love. Always. Just... don't do this again without me knowing, okay?"
You nod against his chest, your sobs muffling into his shirt.
"I'm such a—" you try to speak, but the words get caught in your throat, your cries making it impossible to finish the sentence.
Jay shushes you softly, his hand rubbing slow circles on your back. "You're not. You're not anything bad, baby. You're just... hurting."
You pull back slightly, your hands clutching his shirt as you look up at him, your voice trembling. "I hate it, Jay. I hate what I've become. I'm not me anymore. It terrifies me."
His hand moves to cradle the back of your head, and he presses a soft kiss to your hair. "I know," he whispers. "But I'll be here. I'll be with you through every terrifying moment, love."
For a long moment, the two of you just stay like that—his arms holding you close, your head resting against his chest as your breathing slowly evens out. The tension in your body begins to ease, though the storm in your mind still churns.
Jay pulls back slightly, tilting his head to meet your gaze, his smile growing softer but never losing its warmth.
"Are you enjoying yourself right now?" he asks, his voice light and genuine, almost teasing.
You blink at him, surprised by the question, but the answer bubbles up inside you before you can stop it. A faint smile begins to form on your lips, something that feels both wrong and inexplicably right.
"Yes," you admit quietly, your voice steadier than before. "I think I am."
Jay's smile widens just a little, his thumb brushing against your cheek again as if to ground you.
"That's all that matters," he says softly, his voice filled with a calm acceptance that makes the tension in your chest ease.
Then, his eyes flicker toward the carnage surrounding you—the lifeless bodies, the blood that stains the street, and your hands, still trembling but steady enough to hold the knife.
"What do you want to do? Hmm?" he asks, his tone curious yet understanding, as if ready to follow wherever your answer leads.
You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the gun in your hands and the heat of the night pressing against your skin. Your lips curve into a determined smile, and your answer comes without hesitation.
"I want to kill purgers," you say, your voice clear and sharp, your eyes shining with a fire that you hadn't felt in years.
Jay doesn't flinch or waver at your words. Instead, he nods, stepping closer to you and holding out his shotgun. "Here," he says, his voice calm as he hands it over.
You take it, your hands steady now, and your eyes glint as you examine the weapon.
"Is this a SPAS-12?" you ask, running your fingers along the smooth barrel.
Jay chuckles softly, watching the way your gaze flickers with excitement.
"Yeah. My dad gave it to me," he replies as he takes your free hand in his.
"Come on," he says, tugging you gently toward his car. "Let's get out of here. It's dangerous to stay in one spot too long."
You follow him, practically bouncing on your heels as you intertwine your fingers with his. As the two of you approach the car, a question bubbles up, one you hadn't thought to ask before.
"Where's your dad, anyway? I've never met him," you say, glancing at him as he unlocks the driver's side door.
Jay shrugs lightly, opening the door for you.
"He's overseas," he explains as you climb in. "He's been busy. A lot of countries are starting to plan their own versions of the Purge, and he's consulting on security systems for them."
"Wow," you mutter, settling into the passenger seat as Jay slides in beside you.
He starts the car, the engine rumbling to life as he glances over at you. "You ready?"
"Is this car bulletproof?" you ask, running your hand along the interior with a raised eyebrow.
Jay smirks, shrugging. "I don't think so, but who needs bulletproof when we've got each other?"
You giggle, the sound light and unexpected, even to yourself.
As he presses the gas pedal hard, the car lurches forward, and the thrill of speed courses through you.
The windows are down, and the cool night air rushes past you as you cock the shotgun, the familiar click of the weapon sending a chill down your spine.
You lean halfway out the window, scanning the streets for purgers, your eyes narrowing when you spot a group down the road.
"Hey, fuckers!" you shout, your voice carrying across the night.
Jay glances over at you, his grin widening as he watches you. "Careful with my car, love," he teases, though there's nothing but pride in his tone.
You don't respond, too focused on your target. Raising the shotgun, you take aim and fire. The blast rings out, and one of the masked figures crumples to the ground.
Jay chuckles, gripping the steering wheel tightly as he drifts the car in a sharp circle, giving you a clear view of the rest of the group.
You take the opportunity, cocking the shotgun again and pulling the trigger, your laughter bubbling up as another purger falls.
Jay's eyes are on you the whole time.
There's a softness in his gaze, even amid the violence. A quiet love that seems to radiate from him as he smiles, the chaos of the night fading away for him.
There's just you, him, and the shared thrill of the hunt.
March 22, 4:00 AM
The two of you stand on the rooftop of an abandoned building, the city stretched out before you in ruins. Fires burn in the distance, their orange glow painting the night in an eerie light. Screams and gunshots echo faintly through the air, but up here, it almost feels quiet.
Jay's arms wrap around you from behind, pulling you against him as he rests his chin on your shoulder.
"When I first saw you, I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen," he says softly, his voice low in your ear.
You snort, your lips twitching into a faint smile. "I smelled like shit, Jay. I looked like skin and bones. Where's the 'pretty' in that?" you ask, a chuckle escaping you.
Jay presses his lips to your neck, his voice a murmur against your skin. "You were pretty then. You're pretty now. You've always been pretty."
"You should hate me," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the distant crackling of fires below. "For leaving. For running away."
Jay's grip tightened, his hands pulling you closer as his forehead pressed against the back of your head. "I could never hate you," he murmured. "Not when I know what you've been carrying."
You opened your mouth to argue, to push back
"I don't deserve you," you admitted, your voice cracking as the weight of the night caught up with you.
Jay let out a soft laugh, the sound warm and reassuring. "You don't get to decide that," he said, his tone teasing but full of affection. "That's my call, and I'm not going anywhere.
You tilt your head slightly, giving him more access, your breath hitching as he kisses the sensitive spot just below your ear. His lips linger, soft and warm, before his tongue flicks against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.
A quiet moan escapes you as he nips at your neck, his teeth grazing your skin before he soothes the bite with a kiss. "Jay..."
His hands begin to roam, one sliding up to cup your breast, squeezing gently, while the other dips beneath your dress. His fingers brush over the fabric of your panties, teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves there.
"You're really doing this?" you sigh, half-laughing even as your body arches into his touch. "In the middle of the purge?"
Jay chuckles softly, his lips still pressed against your neck. "We're standing on a rooftop, watching the world burn," he murmurs. "Seems like the perfect time to me."
His fingers move with more purpose now, slipping past the fabric of your panties and brushing against your wet folds. You gasp, your body trembling against him as he slides one finger inside you, curling it just enough to make you bite down on your lip.
"You know," Jay whispers, his voice low and rough as his free hand kneads your breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers. "I'm not normal either."
You barely manage to form a response, your mind clouded by the pleasure building inside you. "W-what do you mean?"
Jay bites gently at your neck again, his lips curling into a grin. "Watching you out there... gunning down those purgers... smearing blood all over that cute little dress..." He groans, his hips pressing into you so you can feel just how hard he is.
"Fuck, it turns me on so much. You looked so beautiful. So fucking dangerous."
His confession sends a jolt of heat straight through you, and your legs almost buckle as he slides another finger inside you, his pace increasing. His other hand slips beneath the neckline of your dress, tugging it down just enough to expose your chest as he palms your bare skin.
"Jay..." you gasp, your head falling back against his shoulder as his fingers work you over, pushing deeper and curling just right.
"You're so perfect like this," he whispers, his voice breathy and filled with adoration as he watches your face twist with pleasure.
"The way your body moves, the way you moan for me... I'll never get enough of you."
His thumb brushes over your clit, sending a shockwave of pleasure through you. You grip his arms, your nails digging into his skin as your body starts to shake.
"F-fuck, Jay," you cry out, your voice muffled as he kisses your temple.
"That's it, baby," he encourages. "Let go for me. Let me see you lose yourself."
You're barely holding on, your body trembling as he picks up the pace, his fingers sliding in and out of you relentlessly.
The pressure inside you builds and builds until it snaps, a wave of heat and pleasure crashing over you as your orgasm takes hold.
You cry out, your hips bucking against his hand as you ride out the high, your walls clenching around his fingers. Jay doesn't stop, his movements gentle now as he works you through it, his lips pressing soft kisses to your neck and shoulder.
When the aftershocks finally subside, you collapse back against him, your chest rising and falling as you catch your breath. Jay wraps his arms around you tightly, holding you close as he presses a kiss to your temple.
"I love you," he whispers, his voice soft and sincere. "Now, let me eat."
Before you can respond, he gently turns you, guiding your back to the cool metal railing. His hands are steady on your waist
"Park Jongseong!"
He crouched, his teeth hooking the edge of your panties and dragging them down, baring you inch by inch. The fabric pooled at your knees before his face dove between your thighs, his tongue parting you
He worked his way up to your clit, licking slow, teasing circles that made your knees threaten to buckle.
His grip tightened on your waist, firm hands pulling you closer, urging your hips to rock against his face.
Your right leg lifted, hooking over his shoulder for balance, your fingers threading into his hair to anchor yourself. You tugged, hard, grinding yourself against him. His groan reverberated through you, the vibrations sending shockwaves straight to your core.
"Jongseong!" you sobbed, your voice breaking as the intensity overwhelmed you. Your grip on his hair tightened, your body trembling.
Abruptly, he pulled away, leaving you breathless and desperate.
Before you could protest, his hands were on your shoulders, pushing you down. You hit the rough ground with a muted thud, your palms scraping against the coarse surface.
You barely had time to process the sensation before his hands were on your hips, lifting you up.
"Need to be inside you, baby."
You heard him groan softly, the sound of him stroking himself before he pressed against your entrance.
The stretch as he slid inside you was slow, deliberate, every inch a sensation that left you gasping. You clenched around him instinctively, earning a hiss from him as he threw his head back, savoring the feeling.
"Faster," you whimpered, your voice trembling with need. Your hands scrambled to reach his, gripping the one on your waist.
"My baby wants more?" he laughed, a dark, almost mocking edge to his tone.
Before you could answer, he gathered your wrists in one hand, pulling them behind your back and holding them there. His pace quickened, his hips snapping against yours with bruising force.
You screamed, your voice raw, your body pliant in his grasp.
He didn't stop, didn't relent, even as your cries turned to desperate whines. You felt yourself teetering on the edge, your body trembling violently. But just as you were about to fall over, his movements faltered.
"No!" you cried out, shaking in his hold, trying to move, to chase the release that hovered just out of reach. His hand slid to the back of your neck, pressing you down firmly.
"Don't move," Jay ordered, his voice low and commanding. "I'm still enjoying the view."
You sobbed, your body trembling, your desperation mounting. "Please! I'll be good, I swear, please!"
He growled low in his throat, his hips slamming forward again, harder, rougher, making you cry out.
Gunshots echoed faintly in the background, but they felt distant, irrelevant. All that mattered was the man above you, his hands pinning you down, his movements relentless.
Your mouth fell open as you felt him twitch inside you, his pace faltering before he suddenly flipped you onto your back. Your legs went limp, draped over his shoulders as he sank into you again, his face hovering inches from yours.
Your focus locked on him, the way his brows knit together, the way his jaw clenched, the way his sweat-dampened hair clung to his forehead. He was beautiful in his rawness, primal and consuming.
"I wanna cum," you whimpered, your hand reaching for your clit, desperate for release, but he slapped it away with a sharp look.
"Hold it, love," he commanded, his breath ragged. He leaned down, his mouth latching onto your breast, his tongue swirling around your nipple before he bit down, hard.
You screamed, tears streaming down your face as your body writhed beneath him.
"Can't hold it anymore," you sobbed, shaking your head, your pleas growing more desperate.
"Just a little longer," he whispered, his voice a strained plea of his own. His thumb found your clit, pressing down in firm, maddening circles, even as his hips drove into you faster, harder.
The moment came like a tidal wave, crashing through you with a force that left you breathless, your body spasming around him.
"A-ah fuck!" you screamed, your voice breaking.
His rhythm faltered as you tightened around him, pulling him over the edge with you. He buried himself deep, his groan low and guttural as he came, filling you completely.
"Jay, can't!" you whimpered, your body oversensitive, trembling as he continued to move, chasing the last echoes of his high.
"Fuck, I love you," he muttered, his voice thick with exhaustion
Finally, he stilled, collapsing beside you. His arm looped around your waist, pulling you close.
"You're not falling asleep on me, are you?" he teased, his voice soft.
"Tired," you mumbled, pouting with your eyes half-closed.
"What happened to killing purgers all night?" he asked, his tone light, teasing.
You cracked one eye open to glare at him. "It's morning," you grumbled.
Jay chuckled, his fingers gently smoothing down your dress as best as he could. His eyes lingered on you, softening as you murmured sleepily against his ear.
"I wanna kill Ms. Wilson next year," you whispered, your voice faint.
His lips curved into a small, knowing smile. He kissed your forehead softly, his breath warm against your skin. "Anything for you, love."
You hummed in response, your body melting further into his hold. "I hate how the Purge is so right," you mumbled, your words fading into the quiet dawn. "It really did cleanse my soul."
March 22, 6:45 AM
The sun hung low on the horizon, casting a pale golden glow over the city. The streets were eerily still, a grim quiet settling over the aftermath of the Purge.
Jay carried you carefully to his car, his movements slow and deliberate as he set you down in the passenger seat. For a moment, he lingered, crouching beside you. His hand brushed a stray strand of hair from your cheek, his fingers ghosting over your peaceful expression.
You had found yourself, hadn’t you? Maybe not in the way most people would expect, but in a way that felt undeniably true to you.
Your eyelashes fluttered, your eyes opening just enough to glance at him groggily. "What time is it?"
"6:45," Jay replied softly, his voice low. "The Purge is almost over."
You nodded weakly, your head tilting back against the seat as your eyes drifted closed again. But before sleep could take you, they snapped open once more, and you turned your head to him.
"Why? What’s wrong?" Jay asked, his voice laced with gentle concern.
You smiled sweetly, your lips curving in a way that made his heart skip.
"Kiss me."
His lips twitched into a chuckle, but he leaned down without hesitation, pressing his lips to yours.
"I love you," you whispered as your eyes closed again, this time surrendering completely to sleep.
"I love you too," Jay echoed, his voice just above a whisper. His hand lingered on your cheek for a moment longer before he straightened up, gripping the steering wheel as he started the car.
The streets stretched out before him, empty and silent now, save for the faint echoes of distant sirens. The Purge had ended.
Jay chuckled softly to himself, glancing over at your sleeping form in the passenger seat. You looked so peaceful now, your lips slightly parted, your head resting against the window. It was hard to believe that just hours ago, the two of you had been surrounded by blood.
"Next year, huh?" he murmured under his breath, a small, knowing smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
Jay definitely needed to watch his back next year.
But with you by his side, what could any purger do?
There was no telling what the two of you were capable of.
˚⟡˖after a stressed day at work, your boyfriend helps you unwind whilst reminding you of how beautiful you are˚⟡˖
⋆˚꩜.ᐟ body worship, bath tub sex, kissing, hickies, praise, more love making than fucking, riding, boob sucking, nipple play, mentions of pregnancy, creampie, unprotected sex.
WC: 1k> .... m.list
It had been a long day to say the least, the stress from your job had embedded itself into your bones by the time you had gotten home. work had dragged on for what had seemed like hours longer than it should have, your boss constantly giving you tasks to do as if the office wasn't full of other employees.
finally in the comfort of your own home, you kick off your heels and relax. "i'm home baby," your voice barely makes it to the kitchen but you know your boyfriend would of seen you walk in on the security cameras.
you sigh, shrugging off your outside clothes and heading up to your shared bedroom to get changed. the house is rather,, quiet, especially since heesung was the type to play his reels on full volume when home alone.
you make your way to the bedroom, seeing the door to the ensuite slightly ajar. you cock your head in confusion before deciding to check it out.
the bath is freshly drawn, bubbles floating on the surface with the soft scent of orange trailing out of the water and into the air. heesung's sat on the edge of the tub, sleeves rolled up and his tie loose around his neck.
"hey baby girl," his voice is rough, eyes barely open from how exhausted he was but he knew you were stressed. "bathe with me darling," he closes the gap between you in one step, his hand tilting your chin up to look at him.
"missed you today handsome," your hands slide up his broad chest to his tie, gently undoing it and letting it drop to the floor. a sleepy smile spreads across his face, his eyes full of genuine love for you.
"missed you too beautiful," heesung gently slides your shirt off your shoulders, pushing your skirt down and helping you slide out of it. your underwear is quick to come off along with the rest of heesung's clothes.
you step into the hot water, sighing as it soothes all the tension in your body. heesung's quick to join you, long arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into his chest.
your eyes flutter shut, the warmth of your boyfriend and the water has you floating on the brink of sleep and awake. heesung's plump lips kiss at your neck, suckling gently when he reaches the soft spot between your shoulders and neck.
"so beautiful baby, can't believe you're mine," he groans, large hands reaching up to cup your breasts. his calloused thumbs rub over your nipples until they harden, pinching gently at the hard nubs.
you whimper, head tilting to the side so he could get better access to your neck. you shuffled to the side, mouth finding heesung's in a desperate messy kiss.
spit coats both of your lips, running down your chin as your gripped at his shoulders. heesung groans, pushing his semi hard cock into your back as you made out.
"you're stunning baby, wanna make you feel good baby. let me make you feel good please," heesung continues to grope at your breasts and kissing all over neck and chest.
"mhm," you hum into his neck, moving in the bathtub so you were straddling heesung's thighs with his cock rubbing against your slit. you mewl, clit brushing against his cock as you grinded down him.
"i love you," you mumble into his ear, lifting your hips so you could sink down onto his thick cock. you both moan in sync, lips crashing together to feel closer to each other.
"fuck baby, so tight n warm, feel like the bath water, " heesung grunts into your ear, hips bucking up into you. you tilt your head back, hands planting themselves on his chest to give yourself enough leverage to start bouncing.
the water ripples around you, the lewd sound of wet skin smacking against skin fills the roam. "perfect tits," heesung wraps his lips around your nipple, sucking hard.
you mewl, back arching so you could press your chest into his mouth. heesung grips your hips tighter, holding you still as he thrusts up into you. "gonna cum in this tight fuckin cunt"
heesung's eyes screw shut, the water hitting your clit with each one of his thrusts. you dig your nails into his shoulders, your orgasm ripping through your body at the same time heesung started to pump you full of seed.
"love you baby, gonna give you a baby, make you look so pretty n round with my baby." heesung babbles, hips stilling deep inside of you as you both come down from your high.
"clean me up now, i'm tired," you yawn, eyes fluttering shut as you collapse against heesung's chest.
"mkay baby, ill clean you up. just rest now baby. i got you,"
#lana del rey
#iron lung
#tumblr polls
