I've still got my wips for the abyss and for you series plus a few more but life and lack of motivation is kinda making it tough. Will hopefully finish it at some point
Hi! I'm just popping in to say I appreciate you. You're an amazing person and you never cease to amaze with your writing. You always seem to have good vibes and I just think you're great.
Never forget that you are loved both by people here and people out in the real world. You may not think you're much but the world wouldn't be the same without you.
Never forget how appreciated you are. ❤️
Thank you so much matey. This has put a smile on my sleep deprived fave. I very much appreciate chatting to you and love your writings 😍
IT'S SO GOOD! There's so much talent in your writing. There were a few things I didn't catch the first time round that connected to other bits of the story I didn't even realise... All the comparisons, metaphors, connections, the FEELINGS!
What a story!
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter (I know you're not writing right now but I'm still looking forward to it)
- M
Ain't you just a sweet bugger. Thank you so much and I'm glad you appreciated it so far. I'm hopefully going to be working on the next chapter soonish...maybe 😅
Life is as usual, busy with things but good. Just lacking the motivation to write so I'm on indefinite hiatus until i track down where my motivation has run off to.
Summary: With an explosive reunion during Tony’s party, how does Wanda handle the truth of her actions? Can she disentangle acts of care from acts of control and is it too late to traverse the great gorges she has created in her relationship with Y/N?
Warnings: 18+, Toxic relationship, Controlling behaviors, Gaslighting (Lemme know if you think I should add more)
A/N: Pt 3, finally got round to it. This one popped up listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott. This one is not heavy like the rest but this series is still not for under 18s. Hope you enjoy, and always comments cheer me up and I’m grateful for reblogs. Header credit: @its-just-may
Italics = Flashback
Colours = Flashback within a flashback...it'll make sense
Chapters I One I Two I Three I Four I Five I Epilogue
There are always two sides to every story, life doesn’t exist in black and white but rather an assorted gradient of greys that transition from one to the other. To truly weigh the worth of a choice, you must also take into consideration the motivations behind it.
Wanda was furious, of course she was, not that she truly believed she had any right to be, after all, it was her decision to leave, but her fury burned bright nonetheless. Steve had informed her that you would be making an appearance at tonight’s party, the first time she would have any contact with you in nearly two years.
She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, least of all Vision, but she missed you. She missed spending time with you, even if it was doing nothing. She missed seeing the bright smile painted on your face and your gentle touch when her mind tilted towards darker depths. Wanda missed her best-friend but tonight she would work on bridging the gap in your relationship, at least that was the intention.
Although she was never a fan of Tony’s parties, the events far too auspicious for her liking, she was eager to see you and make an impression. She began preparations for tonight, hours earlier than needed, taking care to scrub herself meticulously after the exhausting training session with Steve. Her eyes raked over her wardrobe before landing on the perfect dress for the evening.
She had opted for a high-necked, red silk dress that had a slit running up one length to reveal her toned leg as she walked, the back exposed save for the crisscross of thin strips of fabric against her shoulder blades, matched with red stilettos. She remembered fondly how you loved this dress on her.
“Jesus Wands, are you trying to set the place on fire?” you ask
“What are you talking about Y/N?”
“Baby, you look way too hot to be safe” you reply with a whistle, your eyes tracing her every curve.
“You’re an idiot” Wanda chuckles as a blush rises on her cheeks
“But I’m your idiot” you say softly as you move towards her back and wrap your arms around her waist, leaning into her ear before whispering “And you love me”
Your warm breath tickles her ear eliciting a giggle from her. Wanda turns in your embrace and wraps her exposed arms around your neck. “Yes you are and yes I do” she whispers, her nose nuzzling yours before placing a chaste kiss on your lips.
“You look beautiful love” you say softly
“You just like the dress” Wanda replies jokingly
“Yes, it’s definitely my favorite but you’d look beautiful in anything Wands” you say gently
Wanda’s green orbs search your eyes and is overcome by the waves of adoration in them, not a hint of a lie or falseness. She presses her face into your suit jacket to hide her embarrassment at your lavishing attention. “I love you Y/N” she mumbles into your shoulder
“I love you too Wanda” you reply before placing a kiss on her head, holding her a while longer.
Wanda runs her hands down the length of the silk gown as she admires herself in the tall mirror and she can’t help but wonder if it’ll pull your attention like it had all those years ago. Not in the capacity it had done in the past, no, she just wanted her friend to notice her, it’s just an innocent attempt at drawing your focus, nothing more, right?
“Hello darling” Vision says as he phases into their shared room
“Jesus Vis, we’ve talked about this” she says with a start “I don’t like it when you just appear out of nowhere”
“We share a room Wanda” he says in a monotone voice
“Yes bu-”
“You should be used to it by now darling” he cuts levelly “Is that what you’re wearing to the party Wanda?”
“Um...yes. Is there something wrong with it?” She asks hesitantly, suddenly anxious about her appearance.
“The black dress looks better on you, that one is far too revealing, darling” He replies, adding pointed emphasis on his pet name for her.
“Oh...ok Vis” she responds meekly, deflated and suddenly uncomfortable in the beautiful gown.
“Good, I’ll wait for you by the car” he responds, placing a quick peck on her cheek before phasing out.
Wanda turns her eyes back towards the mirror and looks at the refined material, fingertips fiddling with the hem at the split as tears begin to pool in her eyes. ‘Y/N would have liked it’ she muses sadly before removing it, wearing the conservative black that Vision had suggested.
She looks at her appearance once more and sees nothing but a carbon copy of what she knows other revelers there would look like, if not more muted, nothing that would peak your notice and draw your attention, the disappointment on her face visible in her reflection.
With her hands placing a gentle slap to her cheeks, she schools her features and hardens her resolve. She’ll just have to physically approach you if she can’t draw your focus with her dress. She can at least say hi.
Yes, Wanda was fuming. Vision couldn’t tell behind her fictitiously large smile at the inane conversation they were both trapped in with some elderly couple, but she was enraged. Steve had told her you were coming but failed to tell her you were coming with Natasha. She had to see for herself as you both exit the elevator and move towards the large room, beaming smiles plastered on both your faces as you gaze at each other adoringly.
Wanda was well aware that she had no right to be jealous, that you and Natasha had been close friends even before her arrival but the look in your eyes as you watch her tilt her head back in laughter has the Sokovian seething. She controls her swirling rage and chooses to focus on the conversation within her huddle instead.
Her plans were of course short lived when her eyes automatically scans the crowd once more, in search of Y/H/C bobbing in the medley of people. Just as it had done all those years ago, she finds you with ease, the pull between you and her still pronounced as ever.
With Natasha no longer by your side, you deep in conversation with one of the party goers, she lets her eyes linger on your form, you were wearing your favorite suit. It was the maroon three-piece with a skinny black silk tie that you had bought to match her dress, the one she opted not to wear. You looked as radiant as ever but her stomach clenched at the thought that it was Natasha that had helped you with your tie, you forever hopeless with getting the length right.
Her heart skips a beat when she sees the wide smile on your face at something the man had said to you, the smile that she had fallen in love with, that one that had drawn her to you, the one that still draws her to you. She shakes her mind free from the thoughts, she is with Vision now, she’s meant to be with him.
A panic starts settling in her stomach as she watches your companion lead you over towards her group, closer to her. She wasn’t emotionally ready to greet you yet, thoughts of wanting to be near you battling with the jealousy at seeing you with Natasha just moments ago, continued to boulder on.
The internalized war is worsened when a new contender enters its midst. With you now within the ring of conversation, Vision sends you a quick greeting of acknowledgement before turning his attention away, you on the other hand, were looking pointedly at Wanda. For a brief second, your eyes meet and Wanda sees nothing but softness in yours, no hint of anger or resentment in your tender gaze.
She feels her heart race and swell with a hurricane of emotions that a simple look from you elicits within her, until guilt settles achingly in its pit. She’s with Vision now and she should have eyes only for him. She’s with him after all, she pulls away her attention swiftly and gazes up at Vision with adoration, yet in the back of her mind is desire and the image pulling the feeling from her was not his.
When you had split away from her group, Wanda had put her best efforts in focusing on her boyfriend but the niggling tug of your presence caused a covetous ache in her. She hated that you were so near yet the invisible chasm between you was heartbreakingly vast. She decides to find you and disentangles herself from Vision.
“Where are you going Wanda?” he asks when she pulls away
“I’m just getting a drink Vis” she answers, the partial truth slipping from her lips far too easily
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, darling?”
The couple in the group shift uncomfortably at the growing tension and make excuses to extricate themselves from the situation, claiming to want to dance.
“Vis, I’ve only had one drink tonight, I ca-”
“Careful darling, you know I’m only doing this for your best interest. I love you and I’m only saving you from embarrassing yourself in front of everyone” he says levelly with a saccharine smile on his lips “Get yourself some water” without leaving room for argument, he moves into the crowd and leaves Wanda standing alone, confused and anxious about his parting words. She decides to get a glass of water, after she finds you.
As Wanda’s emotions swirl with uncertainty, the pull of your comfort magnifies. She can sense your presence, your proximity near and as she weaves through the crowd, she catches a glimpse of your hair swaying in the center of the dance floor. A smile quirks up her lips and her trepidation eases but the feeling is fleeting when she is confronted with the full view of your frame, twisting and turning with Natasha in your arms.
She watches as you turn to the old couple next to you, the same one that she was trapped in conversation with not moments ago, they look upheaved at whatever passed through your lips as they slink away only for Natasha to punch you in the arm.
Wanda isn’t sure what she hates more, the brevity and closeness that passes between you or the fact that she has to watch Natasha rub your arm affectionately as she is forced to stand in the sidelines. It isn’t until a few conspiratorial exchanges pass between you that Wanda decides she’s seen enough, the moments of laughter escaping from your lips and Natasha’s touches as she wipes your cheeks, far too intimate for Wanda to stomach.
She finally reaches Vision with hopes that his presence would calm the turmoil within her.
“Where’s your water darling?” he asks as she approaches him and links her arm in his, in search of grounding.
“Oh, I forgot” she replies anxiously
He turns to their current companions, people that Wanda can’t place “Wanda is often lost in other worlds, I’m not sure how she would cope without me” He jokes as they all laugh lightly.
Wanda’s face flushes with deep embarrassment and a painful twinge twists her heart. She plasters on a smile and laughs at his joke jovially, not wanting to make a scene, when inside she feels like her sense of self is rotting away with each passing moment by his side. She knows he’s only entertaining the guests, that Vision doesn’t mean harm, she knows he loves her, even you had mentioned her tendency to mentally wander.
“Earth to Wanda, come in Wanda, do you read?” you joke with a gentle nudge to her shoulder.
You were at another one of Tony’s never-ending parties, your hand grasping hers softly. She had once again gotten lost in thought as conversation about technology advancements had you enraptured in conversation.
“Sorry, what were you saying?” she asks as she shakes off her daydream
You flash her a heart warming smile before you lift your hand and thumb her cheek affectionately. “You’re always getting lost in that head of yours” you say gently
“Sorry” she chuckles out with embarrassment
“Don’t be love, I like that you’re a daydreamer, I just wish I could go with you” you reply before placing a soft kiss on her lips. “We’ll spend a few more minutes here and then we’ll sneak off and watch sitcoms. Sound like a plan?”
“What about the party?” she asks as she hides her excitement.
“Screw the party, I’d rather be in bed with you” you say resolutely, mischievous grin on your face
Wanda was always lost in thought but even when her mind travelled the wondrous worlds her brain conjured, it was always by your side, physically or otherwise. “I love you Y/N” she speaks in your mind, the intimate moment only reserved for you.
“I love you too Wanda”
/
The rest of the party passes in a haze, Wanda decides to stay by Vision’s side to ground her yet with each passing flash of you with Natasha hooked onto your arm, she felt no more reassured at her boyfriend’s presence than if he were absent from the event all together. She rallied her thoughts and focused on the discussions being had, not wanting to be singled out again.
It was much later in to the evening, the party goers had trickled away and the circle of couches was solely occupied by the team of Avengers. She had naturally sat next to Vision although truth be told, a part of her had to fight your gravity, she had yet to speak to you and catch a moment of your attention without the redhead taped to your side.
It aggravated Wanda more that you had chosen to settle your head on Natasha’s lap as she lazily combs your hair with her slender fingers, she chooses to focus on the childish game of truth or dare instead.
It was once again her turn, Sam had asked if she would like truth or dare and the word truth was about to slip past her lips once more before Vision interjected.
“I think Wanda would like to do a dare, wouldn’t you darling?” Vision muses
Wanda can hear the command obfuscated beneath his gentle musing, she knows he wants her to entertain and a part of her can’t help but berate herself for being clearly tedious during the social setting. She knows Vision is only looking out for her, making sure she’s not lost in obscurity amongst the large personalities on the team.
“Dare” she replies firmly
She can feel your searing gaze, calling to her, asking her why. She can’t look into your gentle eyes, not when she herself is unsure as to why anymore.
“I dare you to kiss the best flyer in the room” Sam says with a grin.
As soon as the mention of locking lips is uttered, Wanda’s mind travels to thoughts of you, of your soft lips and your sweet taste on her tongue before she is dragged back to reality with the tiny, little detail of you lacking the crucial ability to fly, not to mention that such an act would be less than welcomed by either Vision or you.
Her eyes intuitively seek you out but she wishes she hadn’t, she hones in on the sweet smile you send the redhead as Natasha’s softens while she looks down at you. Wanda’s stomach turns as you wordlessly communicate with one another, gazes full reverence and endearment. The final straw was looking on as you detangle Natasha’s fingers from your hair, interlacing it with yours before placing it above your heart.
Wanda’s heart crumbles at the exchange, the kinship undeniably more than that of friendship. She pushes the pain away and turns her gaze towards Vision’s blue eyes and guides his lips towards hers. Wanda can’t help but compare, his lips too firm, skin too cold, taste too metallic. Thoughts of you filter through, unbidden, as she pulls away and looks into his eyes, all she can see is you.
As Sam wails with disappointment, she coerced her mind to see the blue orbs before her but to no avail, as her eyes take in the red vibranium man in front of her, her mind paints pictures of Y/E/C gazing back at her lovingly, displacing the harsh truth momentarily.
Her attention, ever easily drawn to your movements, sees you move off of Natasha and Tony’s laps to head to the bar. She excuses herself quickly before Vision could object and follows you close behind with light steps, this being her only opportunity in the evening where you aren’t glued to the Widow’s side.
Wanda sees you leaning over the bar in search of something, her eyes momentarily wandering down to your shapely behind before she drags them away to garner your attention with the first thing that pops up in her mind.
“So you and Nat” she says with agitation she didn’t know would make an appearance until it slipped her lips, but it was too late to draw them back now as flashes of you together linger in her thoughts.
“What about me and Nat Maximoff?” your tone flat and empty
Wanda can’t help but feel the barbs of your indifference, you had looked at her so gently only at the beginning of the evening yet now, all the softness has ebbed away. She briefly feels at fault for not having approached you sooner until she remembers why she had only deigned to draw near you now, the notion fueling her fiery jealousy.
“You just look very cozy with her is all, I always thought you two had something, I guess I was right” She replies with bite. The look in your eyes quickly informs her she took it a step too far, her unreined resentfulness drawing your fury, a look that she has never been exposed to before, until now.
With every growled word slipping your lips, Wanda’s heart fractures at its truths, her limbs bolted to where she stood at your blazing eyes even as you advance forwards. As you stand before her, body raging, eyes a pit of fury, all Wanda is consumed by is how your breath fans her face, your nearness intoxicating in a way that allows her to breath, as if she had unknowingly stopped the day she walked away.
Her hands itch to reach out, to caress your cheek and douse you burning anger, to feel you lean into her touch like you always did, to kiss away the outrage, but before her body had the opportunity to act mindlessly, you sidle past her, bringing her back to her senses and what she had almost done.
Your steady parting words causes her splintered heart to shatter. Questions swim in the Sokovian’s mind, how much did you suffer for there to be a need to get better, how could you ever think you meant nothing to her when you meant everything, how did she allow her actions to leave the one person she valued, a parting gift of suffering.
As tears began to accumulate in her eyes, her only thoughts were of reaching you, speaking to you and setting things straight, to apologize to her friend, to explain. She spins on her heel to follow after you only to crash into Vision’s firm chest. She stumbles back slightly as she looks into his eyes, emptiness behind them.
“We’re leaving Wanda” he says resolutely
“I nee-”
He takes a step forward and leans into her ear “We are leaving now before you embarrass yourself further, darling” he whispers
Wanda’s shattered heart is drowned in his venomous tone as she lowers her head in submission, allowing him to grab her hand roughly. As he drags her away, careful to appear affectionate with his hold, Wanda can’t help but shoot a backwards glance at you leaning over the balcony railing, her mind screaming for you to look back at her. You don’t and it hurts.
/
The drive home was made in tense silence, Wanda can feel the agitation brewing within Vision while her fractured mind was torn between moments shared with her past and her future, the feeling of rage from each and her loneliness the only commonality in the two.
Vision spent the whole ride in silence only for the dam to finally burst when they entered their shared room. He had phased into the room, leaving Wanda to open the door and enter separately. “What was that Wanda? Are you intentionally trying to embarrass yourself?” He says with barely hidden mockery.
“What are you talking about Vis?” she tries to dismiss, turning away from him in attempts to create some distance.
She feels his cold, metal grip on her arm as he twists her back around to face him, his features devoid of humanity, eyes bathed in cold calculation. “So you weren’t running after Y/N like some love sick puppy?”
“I was trying to talk to my friend Vis. I hav-”
“We both know how you talk to friends Wanda. I was your friend after all”
“That’s not fair Vis. I never betr-”
“Please Wanda, don’t attempt to lie, you know I can detect your desire. It’s shameless and pathetic. You were disgr………”
Vision’s voice slowly turns into white noise, incessantly ringing in Wanda’s ears, the routine of their arguments all too familiar. She feels the barrage of his insults and demeaning professions of care and affection, of his love and protection of her, slowly chipping away at what’s left of the towering pedestal that you had once placed her atop.
When Vision leaves, as he always does, Wanda is left standing in their chilled room, wearing clothes that didn’t feel like hers, being a woman that was not her, tired and empty as the ringing continued to reverberate in her mind.
She had always felt she didn’t deserve the heights with which you had raised her, it is only fitting that Vision brings her back down to the levels she belongs, reveling in the muck that someone like her truly belonged.
Wanda spends another night alone, eyes cast to the ceiling, begging for answers to her turmoiled heart as tears stream down her cheeks, silent whimpers begging to be heard, face contorted in pain, begging to be seen.
Wanda’s emotional and mental stability took a battering the evening of Tony’s party but life deemed it fit that she also endured a physical one. She was once again training with Steve but having been all too distracted by altercations between her lovers, it was less training and more enduring, something Wanda was well versed in.
Having failed to block Steve’s shield for the umpteenth time, the super soldier finally calls it quits as she kneels crumpled on the floor, gathering her breath back.
“What’s going on Wanda, you’re unfocused” Steve states seriously
“I’m fine Steve” she waves away dismissively as she straightens up, hair stuck to her face, body littered with sweat and bruises.
Though the super soldier might be imposing in stature, his nature was anything but. He examines the youngest Avenger, notes the darkened rims around her eyes, the redness in her orbs and the dullness in her hazel irises. He places his large hand on her shoulder and softens. “Wanna talk about it kid?” he asks gently, bright blue eyes kinder than the blue Wanda is accustomed to.
For a moment Wanda hesitates, his soft touch and comforting gaze too foreign a feature to her to respond. The compassion in his baby blues are reminiscent of Y/E/C always gently, but assuredly, waiting to support her should she need. It draws Wanda in and draws her pain out to mar her young features, aging them with her sorrow.
She opens her mouth but a voice breaks the silence and both hazel and blue are drawn to the intrusion, the moment shattered, Wanda’s opportunity missed. “Hello Captain” Vision speaks jovially before turning his attention to Wanda, blue eyes piercing in their hold. “I came to collect you for lunch darling”
Wanda was well aware that his softness was held for pretense, the argument from the night before still vivid in his tight jaw. Her heart sinks but she cradles it away, hidden and protecting it from the intensity of his love. She opens her mouth to acquiesce to his demand but she’s taken aback when Steve speaks out first.
“Actually Vision, I’m going to take Wanda out for a run. Her stamina needs work.” Steve’s voice remains kind but commanding, his leadership role coming to the forefront.
Wanda’s confusion can’t help but show on her features as she looks to the soldier, missing how Vision takes in all the information. “Of course, may I join you?”
“I think it’s best I focus on Wanda without her having any distractions” he says levelly “C’mon kid, we’ll take laps around the compound” Steve says before clapping Wanda gently round the back and leading her out of the gym and away from Vision’s intrusive gaze.
Once they make it to the point on the grounds that lays the furthest from the compound, Wanda begins her stretches in preparation for a grueling run with the physically enhanced man only to feel his large hand on her shoulder again.
“You don’t have to do that, lets just walk and talk” he says kindly
“But I thought you said-”
“Well we could go for a run if that’s what you want but I don’t think that’s what you need kid” he says firmly but his stance remained open and welcoming.
Wanda hesitates, she doesn’t want to speak poorly of Vision, he loves her but he was a hard man to communicate her feelings to and Wanda needed an outlet. Her mind wanders towards you and how effortless it had always been for her to just open up about how she felt, how she feels, to you.
Steve doesn’t miss her hesitation and opts to switch tactics. “How about we go for a slow jog and if you still don’t want to talk that’s ok. We’ll go around the compound once and I won’t bring it up again after. Deal?” he ask
“Ok” She replies timidly and off they set. Steve had allowed her to set the pace, to control the speed and the situation, which admittedly would be equivalent to a slow crawl for the Captain. She didn’t realize how grateful she would be for his relinquishment until she had authority over their exchange.
“Vision really loves me” she says, breaking the sound of their rhythmic treads with her voice, white noise ringing in her ears
“Ok”
“He tells me he loves me all the time” she continues but she hesitates once again, the ringing in her ears becoming more pronounced while the smallest part of her begs to be released beyond the noise, to let her have her say as she falls deeper into the depths.
“But?” Steve prods gently, not an ounce of difficulty with the steadied jog.
Vision’s voice is distinctly clawing at her now, steering the helm and wrenching it from her grasp. His words of affirmation and degradation mull together like a sordid heap of words, like tangled and knotted roots of a twisted tree he had planted in her heart, cutting into it with proclamations of his love. Within it’s caging roots sits an emaciated child with hollowed hazel eyes, beaten and whimpering, cradling the last vestiges of light she holds in her tired grasp as the fiendish vortex of loneliness whips at her, drowning her and filling her lungs as she screams her plight, her yells trapped in its bubbled pools.
Though the light is weak and small, it’s warm and gentle, unoppressive in the soft way it basks her in its glow. The small light swirls and dances with a myriad of colors, her private showing of the northern lights, your whispered affections and truths caressing her and filling her with strength. A brief flicker of red flashes in her eyes, a speck of retaliation against the darkness’ voracious hunger.
“He’s not Y/N”
/
Vision had been persistent on buying a car, wanting to be able to drive Wanda anywhere at any time. Wanda had tried to protest that she was still learning to drive but had been dismissed, he insisted that he would do all the driving. Wanda need not learn, he had already cancelled the lessons.
As they navigate the car dealership together, her eyes are drawn to a simple pickup truck held outside, separated from the showroom vehicles. A small smile graces her face as a fond memory erupts in her mind.
“Y/N this is silly” Wanda huffs as she struggles to walk forward at your guidance, your hands firmly covering her eyes.
“But I want the full effect of the surprise” you retort excitedly.
She hears the joy in your voice and she can’t help but feel the giddiness of the moment rub off on her. “Ok but if I hit something, I’m blaming you!” she grumbles playfully
“Me? I would never let that happen!” you reply indignantly
Wanda was about to quip back before you let out a small excited squeak behind her.
“OK, stop rigggghtt...there” “you ready to see?” you ask
“Y/N, just show me” she laughs
“SURPRISE!” you shout before pulling your hands away.
Momentarily, Wanda’s eyes adjust to the beaming sunlight but then they fall on the bright red pickup truck in front of her. “Y/N, what is this?” she asks carefully, lost in confusion as she turns her gaze to you.
She watches as you wring your hands together nervously, a gentle smile on your face “It’s our car. You said you always liked how people stargaze on them in those old movies...so I figured we could have that as a first car...I mean of course we could just return it and get a grown up car...or you could pick something else...not an SUV though...you hate them” you ramble out, your anxieties settling with each passing moment.
Wanda on the other hand was lost for words, she had mentioned that detail once, long before you had started dating yet you remembered after all this time. Her emotions begin to bubble up, causing tears to well in the corner of her eyes. She sees the panic on your face before she throws her arms around you in a crushing embrace, her face buried in the crook of your neck.
“Um...is this a good thing or a bad thing?” you ask hesitantly as you return the hug firmly
“A very good thing” she mumbles into your neck, tickling you and making you giggle.
“I’m glad you like it then”
“I love it” she says quietly as she hides the happy tears that escape.
“I put you on everything so when you know how to drive, you can drive it too” you whisper as you cradle her in your arms.
Wanda’s heart swells with elation, the gift and the plans of a future you had clearly thought out, too much to put into words so she does the only thing she knows.
“I love you Y/N”
“I love you too Wanda”
“Seems like the miss has taken an interest in the truck outside, it’s not as nice as these models but it’s very reliable and in great condition for a very reasonable price” the salesman says, drawing Wanda out of her memory. She turns to Vision and the look of distaste on his face already gives her the answer.
“It’s rather impractical, I’m sure Wanda wouldn’t appreciate such a thing” he answers
“Of course sir, my mistake”
“How much for this silver SUV? This is more our speed” Vision enquired.
Wanda’s heart sinks, he must have forgotten or he just knows better. They are linked after all, Vision knows her better than she knows herself sometimes, or so he likes to remind her. She keeps a careful controlled smile on her face as Vision continues to speak to the dealer and her mind continues to linger on a simple red truck.
/
Wanda and Vision were settled on the loveseat in the communal room, she had opted to read a light romance novel while Vision was pouring over a bible on quantum mechanics. Her orbs briefly rise from her book to see Natasha appearing flustered in the distance as she nears the communal space, shopping in hand.
Before the red-head can notice her stare, her eyes drop back down to her book and continues her reading, quick to avoid any confrontation with the Widow. She comes across an amusing part of the story where the hero makes a fool of himself for his love interest, cliché but entertaining. Laughter slips from her lips and she tries to get Vision to read the paragraph, wanting to share in her mirth.
With barely a glance over the pointed book, he quickly dismisses her reading as childish. “You should be reading more scientific works darling, you need to improve your lack of knowledge” he speaks levelly, without so much as a look at her.
Her face flushes with embarrassment as seizing pain, wrenched at her heart. She looks back down at her novel and the happiness and enjoyment she felt is dulled as feelings of inadequacy and immaturity begin to overwhelm her.
A niggling notion rises in the back of her mind that you would have shared in the enjoyment and a familiar tug of your comfort in close proximity, pulls at her. She packs the wishful thinking safely away in the corners of her heart, to join the other times she had felt the draw only for Vision to cut the cord.
/
They were cooking in the kitchen, Vision had wanted to impress the team with his attempts at cooking a dish, Natasha had quickly shot down his offer with a succinct ‘no’ before taking her leave and being swiftly cornered by Steve. Wanda sees Natasha stiffen and huff with frustration as she follows the oblivious Steve towards the meeting room.
They continued cooking together in silence, Vision taking the lead as he followed the recipe verbatim, Wanda long given up attempts at making recommendations for amendments. She wanted more than just silence while cooking, it was deafening.
“FRIDAY, can you put some music on please” she asks the AI and a cheerful melody fills the room. As Wanda begins to sway, cutting the vegetable precisely as Vision ordered, she soon gets lost in the music and begins to sing along, memories of a lighter time drifting through her mind.
Her joy is cut short when his voice slices through the atmosphere. “We need to concentrate and I cannot focus with that noise in the background” Vision huffs with his face pinched in concentration as he stirs the pot.
“FRIDAY, turn off the music please” once again the room is bathed in silence, the only sounds coming from the bubbling of the stew.
Wanda sees Natasha rush past the room towards her living quarters only to speed by wearing a jacket not long thereafter. Her heart hammers as eyes fixate on the redhead’s rushed exit. She knows Natasha must be going to visit you, she wished she knew how you were, if you were with someone new, if you were happier with someone right for you.
As they silently cook on, Wanda’s internal cries of loneliness and longing for your soft spoken words, your broken singing and whispered words of devotion caressing her, smash against the gilded cage of Vision love, but she will not relent. She would never be so selfish as to hold you back from finding your true love, even if you would always be hers.
/
“I never did get why you broke it off with Y/N, I just assumed I was wrong about you two” Steve comments.
His voice draws her back from her introspection, so lost in her memories that they were already nearing the end of their lap together, her time with control coming to a close. “What do you mean?” she asks finally, his words had finally sunk through the haze of thoughts in her mind.
“You guys looked like you had the thing everyone wants and not many find”
She looks up at his flawless face as beads of sweat drip down her confused one.
“The right dancing partner” he says softly, face kind as his eyes wander to thoughts unknown to her but his mind is so loud, Wanda briefly sees an image of a small, brunette woman with dazzling red painted lips. She quickly attempts to control her abilities, careful not to pry any further, accidentally or otherwise.
“All I’m saying is kid, I’ve never seen you happier than when you were with Y/N”
“I did what I thought was best for her and Vision loves me, we’re connected” Wanda mumbles.
He reaches out to her and slows her jog to a stop before turning to face her fully, arms crossed and brows pinched together with concern and confusion,
“You sure that’s what you were doing cuz it didn’t look like that to me”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she says defensively, mirroring his stance.
“Were you doing what was best for her or for yourself?”
“How would walking away be best for me! I love...loved...her, but I knew that I wasn’t the one for Y/N so I was being selfless and let her go! I’m meant to be with Vis” Wanda’s voice rising with the anger growing within.
“Sounds more like you were being a coward Wanda” he says levelly
“Careful Steve, you forget what I can do” her eyes alight with red, her Sokovian accent heavy
Steve lets off a tired sigh before uncrossing his arms and resting his hands on her shoulders once more. “It’s OK to admit you were afraid kid, but it’s never ok to run away from the truth. It’s cowardly, you can do better” he tries gently
“And what would I have been afraid of exactly” she tilts her head in challenge
“That you are the right one for Y/N” he says firmly, gaze steadily meeting her enraged ones.
“Why would I have been afraid of that?” she huffs mockingly
“Then you’d always be afraid you’d lose her too”
His words touch a cord within her, one she has long denied to have existed, her hidden fear and her buried truth. He heart rips and clenches as her inner self wails at her from within, cursing her for her weakness, disavowing her choice to leave, pleading with her to make the right choice now.
“Listen, Wanda. I’m not telling you what to do but I am saying that you really need to think about why you did what you did and what you really want. Any start is a good start” with a soft squeeze of her shoulder he ends the session and walks away leaving Wanda lost in thought.
“But I did lose her” Wanda’s anger all but dissolved, her heart in tatters like an impossible puzzle with pieces missing in its midst.
“Hey kid!” he calls out, causing her head to snap up to him. “Y/N was never far. She just needed you to reach out and stop being afraid” He says but he remained where he stood, looking at her pointedly.
Wanda is lost, not sure what more he wants to say as the silence continues before he brings his finger to his temple. Understanding finally dawns and Wanda looks into his mind with his permission.
The images crashing into her mind were enough to pull the strength from her legs and the tears to stream down her face. You were at the compound, she was right, she felt you close but Vision had always repelled her thoughts as false mitherings. She sees the argument held between him and Stark, the smaller man being held back by the super soldier as he yells, wanting to confront her, to blame her for something.
She listens on as they insult each other, both men protecting their charges, until Stark outs a revelation that has Wanda feeling like the world needed to burn before swallowing her whole. The bearded genius talks of your suicide attempt and the events that had unfolded ever since she left you.
She pulls back her powers from Steve’s mind, her mind reeling and her soul withering with the new knowledge. She wanted to protect you and to protect herself but all she succeeded in doing was hurting you and not being there when you needed her most. All she ever wanted was to shroud you in her love, to hold onto your enigmatic smile and bask in your positive resilience. You were in the compound, you needed her but she refused to believe the signs, too afraid to accept them.
“You’ve still got time to make a different choice kid but window’s getting real small” and with that, Steve finally leaves.
Your words from the night before, reverberate in her mind and the guilt gnaws at her. Her jealousy was nothing but childish spite and selfish want, Natasha had been there for you when she should have been. Natasha protected you when she had hurt you. The touches of comfort and trust made sense, Natasha saved the woman she loves when Wanda denied her.
How could she have let things devolve this way, as she thinks of you now and the love you both shared, how could she have even begun to question the depth of your love for one another when being in your arms, only ever felt like home.
Wanda and Vision had just touched down from another successful mission, Vision had been relentless in speaking about the connection they had with one another, making her all the more eager to head home no matter the exhaustion set in her bones.
“Wanda you know I’m right. You must feel this connection between us, the mind stone intertwining us. You must feel me as I feel you” Vision says softly, pleading in his voice.
“Vis, I love Y/N. We’ve talked about this before, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but you and I are just friends, nothing more” she sighs
“That’s not true and you know it Wanda. I can sense it more than just with the mind stone. My readings of your body fluctuations tell me you love me as I love you.”
“Don’t do that! I don’t like you scanning me like a piece of meat. You don’t get to tell me how I feel and who I want Vis!” her accent undulating with her anger.
He takes a step back and bows his head in apology. “I’m sorry Wanda, it was not my intention to overstep my boundaries, I just hoped to make you understand the undeniable love between us. Forgive me” he says gently
Wanda was running absolutely dry, the only person that could rejuvenate her, tucked away soundly at home. Vision was always a friend but admittedly, their friendship grew during the numerous missions that Steve had sent them on. Although Wanda always kept the growing relationship within the confines of friendship, she clearly was not careful enough and must have misled the man in some manner.
“Vis, there is nothing between us. We are just friends and nothing more, but if you keep pushing this, we won’t even be that” she says with gentle resolution.
Dejected, he casts his blue eyes to the floor and Wanda can’t help but hurt for the man, he’s her friend and she doesn’t like to hurt her friends. She reaches out for his shoulder in aims to comfort him but his quick movement has her hand now grasped in his as he places a lingering kiss in the palm of her hand.
Her stomach clenches at the feel of his cold lips on her and it takes everything within her, not to wrench her hand from his grasp but she steadies herself and allows him this one small gesture.
“Vis…”she speaks softly as she tries to withdraw her hand slowly but his grip is firm and he does not concede.
“I understand you need time to accept how you truly feel Wanda but what of Y/N?” he says the softness now gone from his tone, an ominous feeling from his words that Wanda couldn’t place.
She quickly dismisses the notion as a figment of her sapped mind as she pulls her hand back from him, he allows it this time. “What are you talking about Vis?” the annoyance clear in her voice.
“You and I belong together, our connection is clear, but will you string Y/N along indefinitely or until she realizes it’s not love for you that she has. At least not in the capacity that I love you Wanda.” He places a cold hand on her cheek and Wanda is frozen in place, lost for words and perplexed with the situation.
“Y/N doesn’t love you as I do darling, can’t you see? You are always the first to initiate anything and Y/N simply follows along. She never takes initiative because she is not truly in love with you” he thumbs her cheek as her face darkens with fear at his words.
“She’s probably asleep now and if you tell her you will stay here the night, she will not come for you, she’ll just fall asleep and leave you here” he leans in, his face close as Wanda’s eyes widen with fear that his lips might attempt to meet hers.
“If it was me, I would come get you no matter the time, no matter the place. That is my unshakeable love for you” he whispers softly, he breath fanning her face before retracting his hand and leaving her with her thoughts.
‘Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” a saying taught to children, a saying falsely obscuring the perils of words and how they seep and grow within one’s mind, just as Vision’s seedling of doubt begins to take root in Wanda’s.
She wanted to say her faith in her relationship was sound and unflinching yet his words picked at her insecurities and she couldn’t help but test his words, she had decided to call you and tell you she was staying the night.
“Ok Wands, how about I come pick you up early in the morning and we can go for breakfast at that diner you like?” you whisper as you lay your head back down on the pillow.
“Don’t worry about it Y/N. I’ll drive myself home. I’m probably going to sleep for a while. I’ll see you when I get home” she replies.
Her mind’s childish qualms test you but begs for you to pass, to say you will come get her instead, to change your mind and prove that Vision is wrong, that this relationship was not only true for her but true for you as well.
“Ok. I love you Wanda” you mutter before sleep takes you once again.
Her emotions descend into sadness, he was right. Vision was right, she loves you with all her might but maybe you truly were not as in love with her as you thought. You stayed because Wanda holds on to you, not because you choose to. Given the choice, you’d stay apart from her. The seedling grows in the fertile soil of Wanda’s heart, full of fears of loss and questions of true love, she hangs up and leaves you to your slumber.
So lost in Vision, she misses the first time you tell her you love her first, she never said it back.
/
“I…I don’t understand what I did wrong” tears streaming down your face as you try to hold yourself together.
“You didn’t do anything wrong Y/N. You were the perfect girlfriend” ‘Are the perfect girlfriend’ she thinks as the pain is evident on her face. She aches to reach out to you, to calm you but she knows better, this is for the best, she needs to let you go now and break your heart so that you can know freedom and find a true connection.
“Then why if we are so good together” you try to bring it back, your voice full of pleading.
She lets out a heavy sigh as her brows furrow. She didn’t want to do it this way but she knows she has no other choice now, you need a reason, one you could understand. She gives it to you.
“We were good together Y/N but…I…I fell in love with someone else. I’m so sorry” she whispers her lie, hoping you will not see through the ruse, a small part holding onto hope that you would.
“Who?”
“Vision”
A pregnant pause grows stagnant in the air before Wanda collects her bags and moves towards the door. Her hand hovers on the handle, she doesn’t want to leave. She wants to stay with you, her selfishness wants to wrap her arms around you tightly and never let go but Vision’s words murmur insinuations in her ears. Her heart pleads with you to fight, knowing if you were to ask her to stay, she would, but the silence only grows eerie. Vision was right, her mind says and Wanda leaves.
As she makes her way down the steps to meet with Vision, she allows herself a moment to crumble on those cold, hard steps, her tears running free and her anguish is released into the empty halls. Vision may be right in their connection with the stone but she loves you fiercely nonetheless, the last piece of her heart she leaves behind in your hands as she nestles the love you gave to her tenderly, the last of you she refuses to relinquish.
Wanda takes hurried steps back towards the compound in search of Vision, she had let her uncertainty rule her once, she wasn’t going to allow it to continue any longer, two years away from your embrace suddenly feels like an eternity of longing and with each step she takes, an end nears.
It doesn’t take long for her to find Vision, him already standing by the compound entrance awaiting her return.
“Where have you been Wanda? Steve already returned without you” his question full of accusation.
“We need to talk” she says simply before leaving him behind, remaining out of his reach, as she stalks towards their shared quarters.
She enters the room and holds the door open for him to enter, a courtesy he rarely affords her, she shuts the door behind him and before the click even resounds, he speaks.
“If you want to apologize for your behavior, I’ll gladly accept it out of my love for you” he says full pompous condescension
His arrogant behavior has Wanda smoldering with rage, how dare he think that she was there to grovel at his feet. It takes a few ticks to realize that he expects it because she has relented every time since the day she left. It has taken her years to realize that the kind and sweet man she had taken joy in working alongside was nothing but a façade to hide his true virulent nature.
She takes calming breaths to gather her thoughts before turning to face him. “I don’t want to apologize. If anyone should have apologized for last night, it should be you” she retorts levelly.
“Me? What do I have to apologize for Wanda, I was nothing but a perfect gentle-”
“Gentleman? You ridiculed and controlled me all evening! From the dress I chose, to the drinks I had, you even went so far as to control how I played a stupid game!” anger rising, tethered by his control no longer
Her outburst shocks him and takes him aback, mouth hanging open with astonishment that she dared to raise her voice much less speak to him in such a manner.
“No Vision. I didn’t come to apologize, at least not to you. I came to end it. I made a mistake, I should never have let you get into my head. I should have never left her” she bites at him.
She watches as face contorts from shock to a flash of maliciousness before his demure behavior returns, trying to coax her into submission with simulated niceties.
“Darling, you are confused. Seeing Y/N last night must have been too much for you. Come, let’s forget about everything and watch a documentary together” he says with syrupy softness
His quick reversals of behavior and ingratiating tone has Wanda teeth grinding with aggravation. How could she have been blinded for so long, how could she have ignored his manipulations to the point of being on the verge of losing herself, an eternity alone would have been a kindness compared to the wasted years she has spent with him.
“No” “We are done. I’m going to find Y/N and explain” she says obstinately
He lets off a derisive snort, the true Vision making an appearance “And what darling? Beg for her back? She won’t want you back, I think that was very clear last night”
“It doesn’t matter whether she wants me back, I will make amends and if I can’t have her as a friend, I love her enough to let her go. Something you know nothing about”
“She doesn’t love you Wanda, not the way I love you. She never came out of Natasha’s room to even speak to you”
The red glow in Wanda’s eyes makes him realize the slip in admission
“You knew” she says in a low growl
“I didn’t want to upset you darling, I was only trying to prot-”
“You knew everything didn’t you”
His silence was all the confirmation she needed, all this time, she had longed for you and felt you near only for him to debase her ideas as mad notions, that you were gone and enjoying yourself on some holiday when you were suffering.
“How long?” swirls of red energy balling in her palms
“Since the first time you mentioned”
/
“I’m telling you Vis, it feels like she’s here. Maybe I should ask Steve” she says
The pull of your presence has been niggling at her for months and she finally had to address Vision with it, a piece of her wishing he’d confirm her feelings.
“Y/N is on leave Wanda, probably enjoying herself away from the compound and the Avengers. It wouldn’t surprise me if she was already in the arms of another”
Her heart rends at the thought but the draw ever taut pulls her away from such lingering ideas, you were here, she’s sure.
“Darling, Y/N has been on leave for over a year, surely the reason she hasn’t yet come back is because she has happily moved on and is hesitant in returning from her blissful life.
Wanda is sure that isn’t the case, a twisting pain in her gut tells her you aren’t ok, that you are near and need her.
“You know I’m right darling” he says firmly, grasping her hand with his before entering the room.
Wanda was about to insist on his mistake and voice her worries but falters in her steps, causing him to halt, when hazel eyes clash with emerald green.
“Um…H-hi Nat” Wanda fumbles “I didn’t see you at training this morning”
“I had somewhere to be” Natasha replies coolly, her mask of indifference firmly in place.
“Oh…looks like a lot of food” Wanda says awkwardly, trying to fill the silence. She was never as close to the Widow as you were but she admired her and missed their growing friendship.
“I’m hungry” Natasha replies
“Perhaps we could…” Vision tries before Natasha glowers at him, the sentence dying on his lips.
Wanda can feel the burning questions at the tip of her tongue, begging to be uttered, but before she can gather the strength to ask Natasha’s cold, biting stare, the redhead spins on her heels and walks away. Wanda’s free hand twitches as her mouth opens to call out but Vision’s squeezing hold halts her, the question on your welfare dying on her lips as she shuts her mouth, caging in her truths once more.
The exchange with Vision had become an altercation that involved hurled abuse and abasement by Vision, and a hurled Vision through the compound walls, onto the grounds, by Wanda.
Wanda was rushing around the compound in search of Steve, she had already tried Natasha’s door but she was only met with silence, in her haste, she didn’t think to check with FRIDAY.
She had wasted too much time on her manipulator already, she would ask Steve to help her collect her things from the shared space at a later time. First, she needed to ask him where you were, his warning ringing in her ears. Unfortunately for Wanda, the fates were not on her side as the first person she collided with in her hurry, was not Steve but Stark.
“Watch where you’re going” he mutters angrily before trying saunter past her
“Y/N” “Where’s Y/N? I need to speak to her” she rushes out
“Oh so now suddenly the witchy cares. Just two years too late but who’s keeping track?” he says mockingly, fury unhidden in his dark brown eyes
“You don’t like me and I never liked you but we both love Y/N so please just tell me where she is” Wanda says pleadingly
“Love? You’ve got a funny way of loving someone witchy. If that’s your way of loving, god help the next person you happen to love” He spits before turning away from her and taking his leave.
Tony, of course, doesn’t manage one step away before red wisps of energy bind him in place and lock his arms to his side, his whole body immovable as he is involuntarily turned to face her once more.
“So what, can’t get your way so you’ll force it? Typical, always quick to use your powers for whatever you want right?”
“I’m sorry” pained sadness dripping from the two words
“Excuse me, what?” his face contorted in confusion
“I want to tell her I’m sorry, that I messed up. I want to explain, I want-”
“That’s always been the problem! You want and Y/N gives! She gave and she gave until there was nothing left for her to GIVE!” he rages, his voice an octave higher but bite sharper than if he had screamed at her.
Wanda withdraws her powers and hangs her head low. “You’re right” she concedes as tears fall, pattering droplets on the floor. “Y/N always gave me everything and I let it all get away because I was scared and foolish. She just needs to know that she didn’t mean nothing to me”
Her tears begin to pool on the floor as Tony listens on, biting his tongue not to interrupt this once. “She means everything to me but I was so scared I’d lose her like I lost everyone, I let Vision get to me. She needs to know” she begins to whimper silently, her eyes shut as her shoulders shake and her tears freefall.
“She’s already left with Natasha on a mission. You’re too late, no one will be able to contact them until the mission is done and from the brief, it’s at least a year” she says coldly before leaving her alone.
As Wanda sits on the compound floor in a broken crumple, Steve making an appearance, and wrapping his large arms around as her wails echo through the halls, the weight of her choices bears down on her. The time lost, the pain spread, the happy future with you broken down into atoms as images of your suffering dance with her within her knotted tree. The light she held onto so tenderly flickers and the warmth but a nuance of its former radiance threatening to douse her in darkness, leaving her in the shroud of loneliness that has been her constant companion since that fateful day.
Choices will always have consequences, no choice is ever free from it’s entanglements. To choose one is to lose another, and to choose nothing could lead to losing everything.
Year and Half Later
Wanda had done the work, she had spent time with the team psychiatrist to work through what had happened with Vision and how she would move through future relationships. Under Steve's orders, Vision was sent all over the world to aid SHIELD in their endeavors, Wanda knew it was an exile of sorts.
Wanda's work of course, was far from completed, the level of loss and trauma that she had endured would take years, if not a lifetime, of effort. For you, she would spend all eternity on the undertaking of the task if that was what it took to mend the harm she had done.
Today was merely the beginning. Steve had informed her that the mission was a success, no issues had, you were coming home.
She twiddled her rings nervously as she waited on the tarmac for your quinjet's arrival, her mind ruminating through her speech, through the possibilities and the potential that you would to turn your back on her for good, but she would try.
As the your ship draws nearer, her heart races and her hands shake, the jet is landing now, her mind's coherence is whittling away, pictures of your smile taking its place.
With the ship firmly on the ground, she approaches hesitantly, trying to remember what she had spent all this time planning to say. As the familiar sound of the back hatch opening and drawing downwards, the very real sight of you well with a soft smile on your face, knocks the air from her lungs.
Wanda can't think any longer, her speech long forgotten, only the feeling of her heart growing with warmth existed. You were home and she was free. With the strength she had muscled to find after Vision, she opens her mouth to call out to you excitedly but as the platform lowers, her strength is sapped at the sight of your hand gripped in Natasha's.
Her voice comes out meekly, displaying her heartbroken emotion.
The audacity of that toaster 😠 poor wanda, she was just manipulated but even though i felt bad with what happened to wanda i still want her to move on and let reader be happy with nat
Summary: With an explosive reunion during Tony’s party, how does Wanda handle the truth of her actions? Can she disentangle acts of care from acts of control and is it too late to traverse the great gorges she has created in her relationship with Y/N?
Warnings: 18+, Toxic relationship, Controlling behaviors, Gaslighting (Lemme know if you think I should add more)
A/N: Pt 3, finally got round to it. This one popped up listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott. This one is not heavy like the rest but this series is still not for under 18s. Hope you enjoy, and always comments cheer me up and I’m grateful for reblogs. Header credit: @its-just-may
Italics = Flashback
Colours = Flashback within a flashback...it'll make sense
Chapters I One I Two I Three I Four I Five I Epilogue
There are always two sides to every story, life doesn’t exist in black and white but rather an assorted gradient of greys that transition from one to the other. To truly weigh the worth of a choice, you must also take into consideration the motivations behind it.
Wanda was furious, of course she was, not that she truly believed she had any right to be, after all, it was her decision to leave, but her fury burned bright nonetheless. Steve had informed her that you would be making an appearance at tonight’s party, the first time she would have any contact with you in nearly two years.
She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, least of all Vision, but she missed you. She missed spending time with you, even if it was doing nothing. She missed seeing the bright smile painted on your face and your gentle touch when her mind tilted towards darker depths. Wanda missed her best-friend but tonight she would work on bridging the gap in your relationship, at least that was the intention.
Although she was never a fan of Tony’s parties, the events far too auspicious for her liking, she was eager to see you and make an impression. She began preparations for tonight, hours earlier than needed, taking care to scrub herself meticulously after the exhausting training session with Steve. Her eyes raked over her wardrobe before landing on the perfect dress for the evening.
She had opted for a high-necked, red silk dress that had a slit running up one length to reveal her toned leg as she walked, the back exposed save for the crisscross of thin strips of fabric against her shoulder blades, matched with red stilettos. She remembered fondly how you loved this dress on her.
“Jesus Wands, are you trying to set the place on fire?” you ask
“What are you talking about Y/N?”
“Baby, you look way too hot to be safe” you reply with a whistle, your eyes tracing her every curve.
“You’re an idiot” Wanda chuckles as a blush rises on her cheeks
“But I’m your idiot” you say softly as you move towards her back and wrap your arms around her waist, leaning into her ear before whispering “And you love me”
Your warm breath tickles her ear eliciting a giggle from her. Wanda turns in your embrace and wraps her exposed arms around your neck. “Yes you are and yes I do” she whispers, her nose nuzzling yours before placing a chaste kiss on your lips.
“You look beautiful love” you say softly
“You just like the dress” Wanda replies jokingly
“Yes, it’s definitely my favorite but you’d look beautiful in anything Wands” you say gently
Wanda’s green orbs search your eyes and is overcome by the waves of adoration in them, not a hint of a lie or falseness. She presses her face into your suit jacket to hide her embarrassment at your lavishing attention. “I love you Y/N” she mumbles into your shoulder
“I love you too Wanda” you reply before placing a kiss on her head, holding her a while longer.
Wanda runs her hands down the length of the silk gown as she admires herself in the tall mirror and she can’t help but wonder if it’ll pull your attention like it had all those years ago. Not in the capacity it had done in the past, no, she just wanted her friend to notice her, it’s just an innocent attempt at drawing your focus, nothing more, right?
“Hello darling” Vision says as he phases into their shared room
“Jesus Vis, we’ve talked about this” she says with a start “I don’t like it when you just appear out of nowhere”
“We share a room Wanda” he says in a monotone voice
“Yes bu-”
“You should be used to it by now darling” he cuts levelly “Is that what you’re wearing to the party Wanda?”
“Um...yes. Is there something wrong with it?” She asks hesitantly, suddenly anxious about her appearance.
“The black dress looks better on you, that one is far too revealing, darling” He replies, adding pointed emphasis on his pet name for her.
“Oh...ok Vis” she responds meekly, deflated and suddenly uncomfortable in the beautiful gown.
“Good, I’ll wait for you by the car” he responds, placing a quick peck on her cheek before phasing out.
Wanda turns her eyes back towards the mirror and looks at the refined material, fingertips fiddling with the hem at the split as tears begin to pool in her eyes. ‘Y/N would have liked it’ she muses sadly before removing it, wearing the conservative black that Vision had suggested.
She looks at her appearance once more and sees nothing but a carbon copy of what she knows other revelers there would look like, if not more muted, nothing that would peak your notice and draw your attention, the disappointment on her face visible in her reflection.
With her hands placing a gentle slap to her cheeks, she schools her features and hardens her resolve. She’ll just have to physically approach you if she can’t draw your focus with her dress. She can at least say hi.
Yes, Wanda was fuming. Vision couldn’t tell behind her fictitiously large smile at the inane conversation they were both trapped in with some elderly couple, but she was enraged. Steve had told her you were coming but failed to tell her you were coming with Natasha. She had to see for herself as you both exit the elevator and move towards the large room, beaming smiles plastered on both your faces as you gaze at each other adoringly.
Wanda was well aware that she had no right to be jealous, that you and Natasha had been close friends even before her arrival but the look in your eyes as you watch her tilt her head back in laughter has the Sokovian seething. She controls her swirling rage and chooses to focus on the conversation within her huddle instead.
Her plans were of course short lived when her eyes automatically scans the crowd once more, in search of Y/H/C bobbing in the medley of people. Just as it had done all those years ago, she finds you with ease, the pull between you and her still pronounced as ever.
With Natasha no longer by your side, you deep in conversation with one of the party goers, she lets her eyes linger on your form, you were wearing your favorite suit. It was the maroon three-piece with a skinny black silk tie that you had bought to match her dress, the one she opted not to wear. You looked as radiant as ever but her stomach clenched at the thought that it was Natasha that had helped you with your tie, you forever hopeless with getting the length right.
Her heart skips a beat when she sees the wide smile on your face at something the man had said to you, the smile that she had fallen in love with, that one that had drawn her to you, the one that still draws her to you. She shakes her mind free from the thoughts, she is with Vision now, she’s meant to be with him.
A panic starts settling in her stomach as she watches your companion lead you over towards her group, closer to her. She wasn’t emotionally ready to greet you yet, thoughts of wanting to be near you battling with the jealousy at seeing you with Natasha just moments ago, continued to boulder on.
The internalized war is worsened when a new contender enters its midst. With you now within the ring of conversation, Vision sends you a quick greeting of acknowledgement before turning his attention away, you on the other hand, were looking pointedly at Wanda. For a brief second, your eyes meet and Wanda sees nothing but softness in yours, no hint of anger or resentment in your tender gaze.
She feels her heart race and swell with a hurricane of emotions that a simple look from you elicits within her, until guilt settles achingly in its pit. She’s with Vision now and she should have eyes only for him. She’s with him after all, she pulls away her attention swiftly and gazes up at Vision with adoration, yet in the back of her mind is desire and the image pulling the feeling from her was not his.
When you had split away from her group, Wanda had put her best efforts in focusing on her boyfriend but the niggling tug of your presence caused a covetous ache in her. She hated that you were so near yet the invisible chasm between you was heartbreakingly vast. She decides to find you and disentangles herself from Vision.
“Where are you going Wanda?” he asks when she pulls away
“I’m just getting a drink Vis” she answers, the partial truth slipping from her lips far too easily
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, darling?”
The couple in the group shift uncomfortably at the growing tension and make excuses to extricate themselves from the situation, claiming to want to dance.
“Vis, I’ve only had one drink tonight, I ca-”
“Careful darling, you know I’m only doing this for your best interest. I love you and I’m only saving you from embarrassing yourself in front of everyone” he says levelly with a saccharine smile on his lips “Get yourself some water” without leaving room for argument, he moves into the crowd and leaves Wanda standing alone, confused and anxious about his parting words. She decides to get a glass of water, after she finds you.
As Wanda’s emotions swirl with uncertainty, the pull of your comfort magnifies. She can sense your presence, your proximity near and as she weaves through the crowd, she catches a glimpse of your hair swaying in the center of the dance floor. A smile quirks up her lips and her trepidation eases but the feeling is fleeting when she is confronted with the full view of your frame, twisting and turning with Natasha in your arms.
She watches as you turn to the old couple next to you, the same one that she was trapped in conversation with not moments ago, they look upheaved at whatever passed through your lips as they slink away only for Natasha to punch you in the arm.
Wanda isn’t sure what she hates more, the brevity and closeness that passes between you or the fact that she has to watch Natasha rub your arm affectionately as she is forced to stand in the sidelines. It isn’t until a few conspiratorial exchanges pass between you that Wanda decides she’s seen enough, the moments of laughter escaping from your lips and Natasha’s touches as she wipes your cheeks, far too intimate for Wanda to stomach.
She finally reaches Vision with hopes that his presence would calm the turmoil within her.
“Where’s your water darling?” he asks as she approaches him and links her arm in his, in search of grounding.
“Oh, I forgot” she replies anxiously
He turns to their current companions, people that Wanda can’t place “Wanda is often lost in other worlds, I’m not sure how she would cope without me” He jokes as they all laugh lightly.
Wanda’s face flushes with deep embarrassment and a painful twinge twists her heart. She plasters on a smile and laughs at his joke jovially, not wanting to make a scene, when inside she feels like her sense of self is rotting away with each passing moment by his side. She knows he’s only entertaining the guests, that Vision doesn’t mean harm, she knows he loves her, even you had mentioned her tendency to mentally wander.
“Earth to Wanda, come in Wanda, do you read?” you joke with a gentle nudge to her shoulder.
You were at another one of Tony’s never-ending parties, your hand grasping hers softly. She had once again gotten lost in thought as conversation about technology advancements had you enraptured in conversation.
“Sorry, what were you saying?” she asks as she shakes off her daydream
You flash her a heart warming smile before you lift your hand and thumb her cheek affectionately. “You’re always getting lost in that head of yours” you say gently
“Sorry” she chuckles out with embarrassment
“Don’t be love, I like that you’re a daydreamer, I just wish I could go with you” you reply before placing a soft kiss on her lips. “We’ll spend a few more minutes here and then we’ll sneak off and watch sitcoms. Sound like a plan?”
“What about the party?” she asks as she hides her excitement.
“Screw the party, I’d rather be in bed with you” you say resolutely, mischievous grin on your face
Wanda was always lost in thought but even when her mind travelled the wondrous worlds her brain conjured, it was always by your side, physically or otherwise. “I love you Y/N” she speaks in your mind, the intimate moment only reserved for you.
“I love you too Wanda”
/
The rest of the party passes in a haze, Wanda decides to stay by Vision’s side to ground her yet with each passing flash of you with Natasha hooked onto your arm, she felt no more reassured at her boyfriend’s presence than if he were absent from the event all together. She rallied her thoughts and focused on the discussions being had, not wanting to be singled out again.
It was much later in to the evening, the party goers had trickled away and the circle of couches was solely occupied by the team of Avengers. She had naturally sat next to Vision although truth be told, a part of her had to fight your gravity, she had yet to speak to you and catch a moment of your attention without the redhead taped to your side.
It aggravated Wanda more that you had chosen to settle your head on Natasha’s lap as she lazily combs your hair with her slender fingers, she chooses to focus on the childish game of truth or dare instead.
It was once again her turn, Sam had asked if she would like truth or dare and the word truth was about to slip past her lips once more before Vision interjected.
“I think Wanda would like to do a dare, wouldn’t you darling?” Vision muses
Wanda can hear the command obfuscated beneath his gentle musing, she knows he wants her to entertain and a part of her can’t help but berate herself for being clearly tedious during the social setting. She knows Vision is only looking out for her, making sure she’s not lost in obscurity amongst the large personalities on the team.
“Dare” she replies firmly
She can feel your searing gaze, calling to her, asking her why. She can’t look into your gentle eyes, not when she herself is unsure as to why anymore.
“I dare you to kiss the best flyer in the room” Sam says with a grin.
As soon as the mention of locking lips is uttered, Wanda’s mind travels to thoughts of you, of your soft lips and your sweet taste on her tongue before she is dragged back to reality with the tiny, little detail of you lacking the crucial ability to fly, not to mention that such an act would be less than welcomed by either Vision or you.
Her eyes intuitively seek you out but she wishes she hadn’t, she hones in on the sweet smile you send the redhead as Natasha’s softens while she looks down at you. Wanda’s stomach turns as you wordlessly communicate with one another, gazes full reverence and endearment. The final straw was looking on as you detangle Natasha’s fingers from your hair, interlacing it with yours before placing it above your heart.
Wanda’s heart crumbles at the exchange, the kinship undeniably more than that of friendship. She pushes the pain away and turns her gaze towards Vision’s blue eyes and guides his lips towards hers. Wanda can’t help but compare, his lips too firm, skin too cold, taste too metallic. Thoughts of you filter through, unbidden, as she pulls away and looks into his eyes, all she can see is you.
As Sam wails with disappointment, she coerced her mind to see the blue orbs before her but to no avail, as her eyes take in the red vibranium man in front of her, her mind paints pictures of Y/E/C gazing back at her lovingly, displacing the harsh truth momentarily.
Her attention, ever easily drawn to your movements, sees you move off of Natasha and Tony’s laps to head to the bar. She excuses herself quickly before Vision could object and follows you close behind with light steps, this being her only opportunity in the evening where you aren’t glued to the Widow’s side.
Wanda sees you leaning over the bar in search of something, her eyes momentarily wandering down to your shapely behind before she drags them away to garner your attention with the first thing that pops up in her mind.
“So you and Nat” she says with agitation she didn’t know would make an appearance until it slipped her lips, but it was too late to draw them back now as flashes of you together linger in her thoughts.
“What about me and Nat Maximoff?” your tone flat and empty
Wanda can’t help but feel the barbs of your indifference, you had looked at her so gently only at the beginning of the evening yet now, all the softness has ebbed away. She briefly feels at fault for not having approached you sooner until she remembers why she had only deigned to draw near you now, the notion fueling her fiery jealousy.
“You just look very cozy with her is all, I always thought you two had something, I guess I was right” She replies with bite. The look in your eyes quickly informs her she took it a step too far, her unreined resentfulness drawing your fury, a look that she has never been exposed to before, until now.
With every growled word slipping your lips, Wanda’s heart fractures at its truths, her limbs bolted to where she stood at your blazing eyes even as you advance forwards. As you stand before her, body raging, eyes a pit of fury, all Wanda is consumed by is how your breath fans her face, your nearness intoxicating in a way that allows her to breath, as if she had unknowingly stopped the day she walked away.
Her hands itch to reach out, to caress your cheek and douse you burning anger, to feel you lean into her touch like you always did, to kiss away the outrage, but before her body had the opportunity to act mindlessly, you sidle past her, bringing her back to her senses and what she had almost done.
Your steady parting words causes her splintered heart to shatter. Questions swim in the Sokovian’s mind, how much did you suffer for there to be a need to get better, how could you ever think you meant nothing to her when you meant everything, how did she allow her actions to leave the one person she valued, a parting gift of suffering.
As tears began to accumulate in her eyes, her only thoughts were of reaching you, speaking to you and setting things straight, to apologize to her friend, to explain. She spins on her heel to follow after you only to crash into Vision’s firm chest. She stumbles back slightly as she looks into his eyes, emptiness behind them.
“We’re leaving Wanda” he says resolutely
“I nee-”
He takes a step forward and leans into her ear “We are leaving now before you embarrass yourself further, darling” he whispers
Wanda’s shattered heart is drowned in his venomous tone as she lowers her head in submission, allowing him to grab her hand roughly. As he drags her away, careful to appear affectionate with his hold, Wanda can’t help but shoot a backwards glance at you leaning over the balcony railing, her mind screaming for you to look back at her. You don’t and it hurts.
/
The drive home was made in tense silence, Wanda can feel the agitation brewing within Vision while her fractured mind was torn between moments shared with her past and her future, the feeling of rage from each and her loneliness the only commonality in the two.
Vision spent the whole ride in silence only for the dam to finally burst when they entered their shared room. He had phased into the room, leaving Wanda to open the door and enter separately. “What was that Wanda? Are you intentionally trying to embarrass yourself?” He says with barely hidden mockery.
“What are you talking about Vis?” she tries to dismiss, turning away from him in attempts to create some distance.
She feels his cold, metal grip on her arm as he twists her back around to face him, his features devoid of humanity, eyes bathed in cold calculation. “So you weren’t running after Y/N like some love sick puppy?”
“I was trying to talk to my friend Vis. I hav-”
“We both know how you talk to friends Wanda. I was your friend after all”
“That’s not fair Vis. I never betr-”
“Please Wanda, don’t attempt to lie, you know I can detect your desire. It’s shameless and pathetic. You were disgr………”
Vision’s voice slowly turns into white noise, incessantly ringing in Wanda’s ears, the routine of their arguments all too familiar. She feels the barrage of his insults and demeaning professions of care and affection, of his love and protection of her, slowly chipping away at what’s left of the towering pedestal that you had once placed her atop.
When Vision leaves, as he always does, Wanda is left standing in their chilled room, wearing clothes that didn’t feel like hers, being a woman that was not her, tired and empty as the ringing continued to reverberate in her mind.
She had always felt she didn’t deserve the heights with which you had raised her, it is only fitting that Vision brings her back down to the levels she belongs, reveling in the muck that someone like her truly belonged.
Wanda spends another night alone, eyes cast to the ceiling, begging for answers to her turmoiled heart as tears stream down her cheeks, silent whimpers begging to be heard, face contorted in pain, begging to be seen.
Wanda’s emotional and mental stability took a battering the evening of Tony’s party but life deemed it fit that she also endured a physical one. She was once again training with Steve but having been all too distracted by altercations between her lovers, it was less training and more enduring, something Wanda was well versed in.
Having failed to block Steve’s shield for the umpteenth time, the super soldier finally calls it quits as she kneels crumpled on the floor, gathering her breath back.
“What’s going on Wanda, you’re unfocused” Steve states seriously
“I’m fine Steve” she waves away dismissively as she straightens up, hair stuck to her face, body littered with sweat and bruises.
Though the super soldier might be imposing in stature, his nature was anything but. He examines the youngest Avenger, notes the darkened rims around her eyes, the redness in her orbs and the dullness in her hazel irises. He places his large hand on her shoulder and softens. “Wanna talk about it kid?” he asks gently, bright blue eyes kinder than the blue Wanda is accustomed to.
For a moment Wanda hesitates, his soft touch and comforting gaze too foreign a feature to her to respond. The compassion in his baby blues are reminiscent of Y/E/C always gently, but assuredly, waiting to support her should she need. It draws Wanda in and draws her pain out to mar her young features, aging them with her sorrow.
She opens her mouth but a voice breaks the silence and both hazel and blue are drawn to the intrusion, the moment shattered, Wanda’s opportunity missed. “Hello Captain” Vision speaks jovially before turning his attention to Wanda, blue eyes piercing in their hold. “I came to collect you for lunch darling”
Wanda was well aware that his softness was held for pretense, the argument from the night before still vivid in his tight jaw. Her heart sinks but she cradles it away, hidden and protecting it from the intensity of his love. She opens her mouth to acquiesce to his demand but she’s taken aback when Steve speaks out first.
“Actually Vision, I’m going to take Wanda out for a run. Her stamina needs work.” Steve’s voice remains kind but commanding, his leadership role coming to the forefront.
Wanda’s confusion can’t help but show on her features as she looks to the soldier, missing how Vision takes in all the information. “Of course, may I join you?”
“I think it’s best I focus on Wanda without her having any distractions” he says levelly “C’mon kid, we’ll take laps around the compound” Steve says before clapping Wanda gently round the back and leading her out of the gym and away from Vision’s intrusive gaze.
Once they make it to the point on the grounds that lays the furthest from the compound, Wanda begins her stretches in preparation for a grueling run with the physically enhanced man only to feel his large hand on her shoulder again.
“You don’t have to do that, lets just walk and talk” he says kindly
“But I thought you said-”
“Well we could go for a run if that’s what you want but I don’t think that’s what you need kid” he says firmly but his stance remained open and welcoming.
Wanda hesitates, she doesn’t want to speak poorly of Vision, he loves her but he was a hard man to communicate her feelings to and Wanda needed an outlet. Her mind wanders towards you and how effortless it had always been for her to just open up about how she felt, how she feels, to you.
Steve doesn’t miss her hesitation and opts to switch tactics. “How about we go for a slow jog and if you still don’t want to talk that’s ok. We’ll go around the compound once and I won’t bring it up again after. Deal?” he ask
“Ok” She replies timidly and off they set. Steve had allowed her to set the pace, to control the speed and the situation, which admittedly would be equivalent to a slow crawl for the Captain. She didn’t realize how grateful she would be for his relinquishment until she had authority over their exchange.
“Vision really loves me” she says, breaking the sound of their rhythmic treads with her voice, white noise ringing in her ears
“Ok”
“He tells me he loves me all the time” she continues but she hesitates once again, the ringing in her ears becoming more pronounced while the smallest part of her begs to be released beyond the noise, to let her have her say as she falls deeper into the depths.
“But?” Steve prods gently, not an ounce of difficulty with the steadied jog.
Vision’s voice is distinctly clawing at her now, steering the helm and wrenching it from her grasp. His words of affirmation and degradation mull together like a sordid heap of words, like tangled and knotted roots of a twisted tree he had planted in her heart, cutting into it with proclamations of his love. Within it’s caging roots sits an emaciated child with hollowed hazel eyes, beaten and whimpering, cradling the last vestiges of light she holds in her tired grasp as the fiendish vortex of loneliness whips at her, drowning her and filling her lungs as she screams her plight, her yells trapped in its bubbled pools.
Though the light is weak and small, it’s warm and gentle, unoppressive in the soft way it basks her in its glow. The small light swirls and dances with a myriad of colors, her private showing of the northern lights, your whispered affections and truths caressing her and filling her with strength. A brief flicker of red flashes in her eyes, a speck of retaliation against the darkness’ voracious hunger.
“He’s not Y/N”
/
Vision had been persistent on buying a car, wanting to be able to drive Wanda anywhere at any time. Wanda had tried to protest that she was still learning to drive but had been dismissed, he insisted that he would do all the driving. Wanda need not learn, he had already cancelled the lessons.
As they navigate the car dealership together, her eyes are drawn to a simple pickup truck held outside, separated from the showroom vehicles. A small smile graces her face as a fond memory erupts in her mind.
“Y/N this is silly” Wanda huffs as she struggles to walk forward at your guidance, your hands firmly covering her eyes.
“But I want the full effect of the surprise” you retort excitedly.
She hears the joy in your voice and she can’t help but feel the giddiness of the moment rub off on her. “Ok but if I hit something, I’m blaming you!” she grumbles playfully
“Me? I would never let that happen!” you reply indignantly
Wanda was about to quip back before you let out a small excited squeak behind her.
“OK, stop rigggghtt...there” “you ready to see?” you ask
“Y/N, just show me” she laughs
“SURPRISE!” you shout before pulling your hands away.
Momentarily, Wanda’s eyes adjust to the beaming sunlight but then they fall on the bright red pickup truck in front of her. “Y/N, what is this?” she asks carefully, lost in confusion as she turns her gaze to you.
She watches as you wring your hands together nervously, a gentle smile on your face “It’s our car. You said you always liked how people stargaze on them in those old movies...so I figured we could have that as a first car...I mean of course we could just return it and get a grown up car...or you could pick something else...not an SUV though...you hate them” you ramble out, your anxieties settling with each passing moment.
Wanda on the other hand was lost for words, she had mentioned that detail once, long before you had started dating yet you remembered after all this time. Her emotions begin to bubble up, causing tears to well in the corner of her eyes. She sees the panic on your face before she throws her arms around you in a crushing embrace, her face buried in the crook of your neck.
“Um...is this a good thing or a bad thing?” you ask hesitantly as you return the hug firmly
“A very good thing” she mumbles into your neck, tickling you and making you giggle.
“I’m glad you like it then”
“I love it” she says quietly as she hides the happy tears that escape.
“I put you on everything so when you know how to drive, you can drive it too” you whisper as you cradle her in your arms.
Wanda’s heart swells with elation, the gift and the plans of a future you had clearly thought out, too much to put into words so she does the only thing she knows.
“I love you Y/N”
“I love you too Wanda”
“Seems like the miss has taken an interest in the truck outside, it’s not as nice as these models but it’s very reliable and in great condition for a very reasonable price” the salesman says, drawing Wanda out of her memory. She turns to Vision and the look of distaste on his face already gives her the answer.
“It’s rather impractical, I’m sure Wanda wouldn’t appreciate such a thing” he answers
“Of course sir, my mistake”
“How much for this silver SUV? This is more our speed” Vision enquired.
Wanda’s heart sinks, he must have forgotten or he just knows better. They are linked after all, Vision knows her better than she knows herself sometimes, or so he likes to remind her. She keeps a careful controlled smile on her face as Vision continues to speak to the dealer and her mind continues to linger on a simple red truck.
/
Wanda and Vision were settled on the loveseat in the communal room, she had opted to read a light romance novel while Vision was pouring over a bible on quantum mechanics. Her orbs briefly rise from her book to see Natasha appearing flustered in the distance as she nears the communal space, shopping in hand.
Before the red-head can notice her stare, her eyes drop back down to her book and continues her reading, quick to avoid any confrontation with the Widow. She comes across an amusing part of the story where the hero makes a fool of himself for his love interest, cliché but entertaining. Laughter slips from her lips and she tries to get Vision to read the paragraph, wanting to share in her mirth.
With barely a glance over the pointed book, he quickly dismisses her reading as childish. “You should be reading more scientific works darling, you need to improve your lack of knowledge” he speaks levelly, without so much as a look at her.
Her face flushes with embarrassment as seizing pain, wrenched at her heart. She looks back down at her novel and the happiness and enjoyment she felt is dulled as feelings of inadequacy and immaturity begin to overwhelm her.
A niggling notion rises in the back of her mind that you would have shared in the enjoyment and a familiar tug of your comfort in close proximity, pulls at her. She packs the wishful thinking safely away in the corners of her heart, to join the other times she had felt the draw only for Vision to cut the cord.
/
They were cooking in the kitchen, Vision had wanted to impress the team with his attempts at cooking a dish, Natasha had quickly shot down his offer with a succinct ‘no’ before taking her leave and being swiftly cornered by Steve. Wanda sees Natasha stiffen and huff with frustration as she follows the oblivious Steve towards the meeting room.
They continued cooking together in silence, Vision taking the lead as he followed the recipe verbatim, Wanda long given up attempts at making recommendations for amendments. She wanted more than just silence while cooking, it was deafening.
“FRIDAY, can you put some music on please” she asks the AI and a cheerful melody fills the room. As Wanda begins to sway, cutting the vegetable precisely as Vision ordered, she soon gets lost in the music and begins to sing along, memories of a lighter time drifting through her mind.
Her joy is cut short when his voice slices through the atmosphere. “We need to concentrate and I cannot focus with that noise in the background” Vision huffs with his face pinched in concentration as he stirs the pot.
“FRIDAY, turn off the music please” once again the room is bathed in silence, the only sounds coming from the bubbling of the stew.
Wanda sees Natasha rush past the room towards her living quarters only to speed by wearing a jacket not long thereafter. Her heart hammers as eyes fixate on the redhead’s rushed exit. She knows Natasha must be going to visit you, she wished she knew how you were, if you were with someone new, if you were happier with someone right for you.
As they silently cook on, Wanda’s internal cries of loneliness and longing for your soft spoken words, your broken singing and whispered words of devotion caressing her, smash against the gilded cage of Vision love, but she will not relent. She would never be so selfish as to hold you back from finding your true love, even if you would always be hers.
/
“I never did get why you broke it off with Y/N, I just assumed I was wrong about you two” Steve comments.
His voice draws her back from her introspection, so lost in her memories that they were already nearing the end of their lap together, her time with control coming to a close. “What do you mean?” she asks finally, his words had finally sunk through the haze of thoughts in her mind.
“You guys looked like you had the thing everyone wants and not many find”
She looks up at his flawless face as beads of sweat drip down her confused one.
“The right dancing partner” he says softly, face kind as his eyes wander to thoughts unknown to her but his mind is so loud, Wanda briefly sees an image of a small, brunette woman with dazzling red painted lips. She quickly attempts to control her abilities, careful not to pry any further, accidentally or otherwise.
“All I’m saying is kid, I’ve never seen you happier than when you were with Y/N”
“I did what I thought was best for her and Vision loves me, we’re connected” Wanda mumbles.
He reaches out to her and slows her jog to a stop before turning to face her fully, arms crossed and brows pinched together with concern and confusion,
“You sure that’s what you were doing cuz it didn’t look like that to me”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she says defensively, mirroring his stance.
“Were you doing what was best for her or for yourself?”
“How would walking away be best for me! I love...loved...her, but I knew that I wasn’t the one for Y/N so I was being selfless and let her go! I’m meant to be with Vis” Wanda’s voice rising with the anger growing within.
“Sounds more like you were being a coward Wanda” he says levelly
“Careful Steve, you forget what I can do” her eyes alight with red, her Sokovian accent heavy
Steve lets off a tired sigh before uncrossing his arms and resting his hands on her shoulders once more. “It’s OK to admit you were afraid kid, but it’s never ok to run away from the truth. It’s cowardly, you can do better” he tries gently
“And what would I have been afraid of exactly” she tilts her head in challenge
“That you are the right one for Y/N” he says firmly, gaze steadily meeting her enraged ones.
“Why would I have been afraid of that?” she huffs mockingly
“Then you’d always be afraid you’d lose her too”
His words touch a cord within her, one she has long denied to have existed, her hidden fear and her buried truth. He heart rips and clenches as her inner self wails at her from within, cursing her for her weakness, disavowing her choice to leave, pleading with her to make the right choice now.
“Listen, Wanda. I’m not telling you what to do but I am saying that you really need to think about why you did what you did and what you really want. Any start is a good start” with a soft squeeze of her shoulder he ends the session and walks away leaving Wanda lost in thought.
“But I did lose her” Wanda’s anger all but dissolved, her heart in tatters like an impossible puzzle with pieces missing in its midst.
“Hey kid!” he calls out, causing her head to snap up to him. “Y/N was never far. She just needed you to reach out and stop being afraid” He says but he remained where he stood, looking at her pointedly.
Wanda is lost, not sure what more he wants to say as the silence continues before he brings his finger to his temple. Understanding finally dawns and Wanda looks into his mind with his permission.
The images crashing into her mind were enough to pull the strength from her legs and the tears to stream down her face. You were at the compound, she was right, she felt you close but Vision had always repelled her thoughts as false mitherings. She sees the argument held between him and Stark, the smaller man being held back by the super soldier as he yells, wanting to confront her, to blame her for something.
She listens on as they insult each other, both men protecting their charges, until Stark outs a revelation that has Wanda feeling like the world needed to burn before swallowing her whole. The bearded genius talks of your suicide attempt and the events that had unfolded ever since she left you.
She pulls back her powers from Steve’s mind, her mind reeling and her soul withering with the new knowledge. She wanted to protect you and to protect herself but all she succeeded in doing was hurting you and not being there when you needed her most. All she ever wanted was to shroud you in her love, to hold onto your enigmatic smile and bask in your positive resilience. You were in the compound, you needed her but she refused to believe the signs, too afraid to accept them.
“You’ve still got time to make a different choice kid but window’s getting real small” and with that, Steve finally leaves.
Your words from the night before, reverberate in her mind and the guilt gnaws at her. Her jealousy was nothing but childish spite and selfish want, Natasha had been there for you when she should have been. Natasha protected you when she had hurt you. The touches of comfort and trust made sense, Natasha saved the woman she loves when Wanda denied her.
How could she have let things devolve this way, as she thinks of you now and the love you both shared, how could she have even begun to question the depth of your love for one another when being in your arms, only ever felt like home.
Wanda and Vision had just touched down from another successful mission, Vision had been relentless in speaking about the connection they had with one another, making her all the more eager to head home no matter the exhaustion set in her bones.
“Wanda you know I’m right. You must feel this connection between us, the mind stone intertwining us. You must feel me as I feel you” Vision says softly, pleading in his voice.
“Vis, I love Y/N. We’ve talked about this before, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but you and I are just friends, nothing more” she sighs
“That’s not true and you know it Wanda. I can sense it more than just with the mind stone. My readings of your body fluctuations tell me you love me as I love you.”
“Don’t do that! I don’t like you scanning me like a piece of meat. You don’t get to tell me how I feel and who I want Vis!” her accent undulating with her anger.
He takes a step back and bows his head in apology. “I’m sorry Wanda, it was not my intention to overstep my boundaries, I just hoped to make you understand the undeniable love between us. Forgive me” he says gently
Wanda was running absolutely dry, the only person that could rejuvenate her, tucked away soundly at home. Vision was always a friend but admittedly, their friendship grew during the numerous missions that Steve had sent them on. Although Wanda always kept the growing relationship within the confines of friendship, she clearly was not careful enough and must have misled the man in some manner.
“Vis, there is nothing between us. We are just friends and nothing more, but if you keep pushing this, we won’t even be that” she says with gentle resolution.
Dejected, he casts his blue eyes to the floor and Wanda can’t help but hurt for the man, he’s her friend and she doesn’t like to hurt her friends. She reaches out for his shoulder in aims to comfort him but his quick movement has her hand now grasped in his as he places a lingering kiss in the palm of her hand.
Her stomach clenches at the feel of his cold lips on her and it takes everything within her, not to wrench her hand from his grasp but she steadies herself and allows him this one small gesture.
“Vis…”she speaks softly as she tries to withdraw her hand slowly but his grip is firm and he does not concede.
“I understand you need time to accept how you truly feel Wanda but what of Y/N?” he says the softness now gone from his tone, an ominous feeling from his words that Wanda couldn’t place.
She quickly dismisses the notion as a figment of her sapped mind as she pulls her hand back from him, he allows it this time. “What are you talking about Vis?” the annoyance clear in her voice.
“You and I belong together, our connection is clear, but will you string Y/N along indefinitely or until she realizes it’s not love for you that she has. At least not in the capacity that I love you Wanda.” He places a cold hand on her cheek and Wanda is frozen in place, lost for words and perplexed with the situation.
“Y/N doesn’t love you as I do darling, can’t you see? You are always the first to initiate anything and Y/N simply follows along. She never takes initiative because she is not truly in love with you” he thumbs her cheek as her face darkens with fear at his words.
“She’s probably asleep now and if you tell her you will stay here the night, she will not come for you, she’ll just fall asleep and leave you here” he leans in, his face close as Wanda’s eyes widen with fear that his lips might attempt to meet hers.
“If it was me, I would come get you no matter the time, no matter the place. That is my unshakeable love for you” he whispers softly, he breath fanning her face before retracting his hand and leaving her with her thoughts.
‘Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” a saying taught to children, a saying falsely obscuring the perils of words and how they seep and grow within one’s mind, just as Vision’s seedling of doubt begins to take root in Wanda’s.
She wanted to say her faith in her relationship was sound and unflinching yet his words picked at her insecurities and she couldn’t help but test his words, she had decided to call you and tell you she was staying the night.
“Ok Wands, how about I come pick you up early in the morning and we can go for breakfast at that diner you like?” you whisper as you lay your head back down on the pillow.
“Don’t worry about it Y/N. I’ll drive myself home. I’m probably going to sleep for a while. I’ll see you when I get home” she replies.
Her mind’s childish qualms test you but begs for you to pass, to say you will come get her instead, to change your mind and prove that Vision is wrong, that this relationship was not only true for her but true for you as well.
“Ok. I love you Wanda” you mutter before sleep takes you once again.
Her emotions descend into sadness, he was right. Vision was right, she loves you with all her might but maybe you truly were not as in love with her as you thought. You stayed because Wanda holds on to you, not because you choose to. Given the choice, you’d stay apart from her. The seedling grows in the fertile soil of Wanda’s heart, full of fears of loss and questions of true love, she hangs up and leaves you to your slumber.
So lost in Vision, she misses the first time you tell her you love her first, she never said it back.
/
“I…I don’t understand what I did wrong” tears streaming down your face as you try to hold yourself together.
“You didn’t do anything wrong Y/N. You were the perfect girlfriend” ‘Are the perfect girlfriend’ she thinks as the pain is evident on her face. She aches to reach out to you, to calm you but she knows better, this is for the best, she needs to let you go now and break your heart so that you can know freedom and find a true connection.
“Then why if we are so good together” you try to bring it back, your voice full of pleading.
She lets out a heavy sigh as her brows furrow. She didn’t want to do it this way but she knows she has no other choice now, you need a reason, one you could understand. She gives it to you.
“We were good together Y/N but…I…I fell in love with someone else. I’m so sorry” she whispers her lie, hoping you will not see through the ruse, a small part holding onto hope that you would.
“Who?”
“Vision”
A pregnant pause grows stagnant in the air before Wanda collects her bags and moves towards the door. Her hand hovers on the handle, she doesn’t want to leave. She wants to stay with you, her selfishness wants to wrap her arms around you tightly and never let go but Vision’s words murmur insinuations in her ears. Her heart pleads with you to fight, knowing if you were to ask her to stay, she would, but the silence only grows eerie. Vision was right, her mind says and Wanda leaves.
As she makes her way down the steps to meet with Vision, she allows herself a moment to crumble on those cold, hard steps, her tears running free and her anguish is released into the empty halls. Vision may be right in their connection with the stone but she loves you fiercely nonetheless, the last piece of her heart she leaves behind in your hands as she nestles the love you gave to her tenderly, the last of you she refuses to relinquish.
Wanda takes hurried steps back towards the compound in search of Vision, she had let her uncertainty rule her once, she wasn’t going to allow it to continue any longer, two years away from your embrace suddenly feels like an eternity of longing and with each step she takes, an end nears.
It doesn’t take long for her to find Vision, him already standing by the compound entrance awaiting her return.
“Where have you been Wanda? Steve already returned without you” his question full of accusation.
“We need to talk” she says simply before leaving him behind, remaining out of his reach, as she stalks towards their shared quarters.
She enters the room and holds the door open for him to enter, a courtesy he rarely affords her, she shuts the door behind him and before the click even resounds, he speaks.
“If you want to apologize for your behavior, I’ll gladly accept it out of my love for you” he says full pompous condescension
His arrogant behavior has Wanda smoldering with rage, how dare he think that she was there to grovel at his feet. It takes a few ticks to realize that he expects it because she has relented every time since the day she left. It has taken her years to realize that the kind and sweet man she had taken joy in working alongside was nothing but a façade to hide his true virulent nature.
She takes calming breaths to gather her thoughts before turning to face him. “I don’t want to apologize. If anyone should have apologized for last night, it should be you” she retorts levelly.
“Me? What do I have to apologize for Wanda, I was nothing but a perfect gentle-”
“Gentleman? You ridiculed and controlled me all evening! From the dress I chose, to the drinks I had, you even went so far as to control how I played a stupid game!” anger rising, tethered by his control no longer
Her outburst shocks him and takes him aback, mouth hanging open with astonishment that she dared to raise her voice much less speak to him in such a manner.
“No Vision. I didn’t come to apologize, at least not to you. I came to end it. I made a mistake, I should never have let you get into my head. I should have never left her” she bites at him.
She watches as face contorts from shock to a flash of maliciousness before his demure behavior returns, trying to coax her into submission with simulated niceties.
“Darling, you are confused. Seeing Y/N last night must have been too much for you. Come, let’s forget about everything and watch a documentary together” he says with syrupy softness
His quick reversals of behavior and ingratiating tone has Wanda teeth grinding with aggravation. How could she have been blinded for so long, how could she have ignored his manipulations to the point of being on the verge of losing herself, an eternity alone would have been a kindness compared to the wasted years she has spent with him.
“No” “We are done. I’m going to find Y/N and explain” she says obstinately
He lets off a derisive snort, the true Vision making an appearance “And what darling? Beg for her back? She won’t want you back, I think that was very clear last night”
“It doesn’t matter whether she wants me back, I will make amends and if I can’t have her as a friend, I love her enough to let her go. Something you know nothing about”
“She doesn’t love you Wanda, not the way I love you. She never came out of Natasha’s room to even speak to you”
The red glow in Wanda’s eyes makes him realize the slip in admission
“You knew” she says in a low growl
“I didn’t want to upset you darling, I was only trying to prot-”
“You knew everything didn’t you”
His silence was all the confirmation she needed, all this time, she had longed for you and felt you near only for him to debase her ideas as mad notions, that you were gone and enjoying yourself on some holiday when you were suffering.
“How long?” swirls of red energy balling in her palms
“Since the first time you mentioned”
/
“I’m telling you Vis, it feels like she’s here. Maybe I should ask Steve” she says
The pull of your presence has been niggling at her for months and she finally had to address Vision with it, a piece of her wishing he’d confirm her feelings.
“Y/N is on leave Wanda, probably enjoying herself away from the compound and the Avengers. It wouldn’t surprise me if she was already in the arms of another”
Her heart rends at the thought but the draw ever taut pulls her away from such lingering ideas, you were here, she’s sure.
“Darling, Y/N has been on leave for over a year, surely the reason she hasn’t yet come back is because she has happily moved on and is hesitant in returning from her blissful life.
Wanda is sure that isn’t the case, a twisting pain in her gut tells her you aren’t ok, that you are near and need her.
“You know I’m right darling” he says firmly, grasping her hand with his before entering the room.
Wanda was about to insist on his mistake and voice her worries but falters in her steps, causing him to halt, when hazel eyes clash with emerald green.
“Um…H-hi Nat” Wanda fumbles “I didn’t see you at training this morning”
“I had somewhere to be” Natasha replies coolly, her mask of indifference firmly in place.
“Oh…looks like a lot of food” Wanda says awkwardly, trying to fill the silence. She was never as close to the Widow as you were but she admired her and missed their growing friendship.
“I’m hungry” Natasha replies
“Perhaps we could…” Vision tries before Natasha glowers at him, the sentence dying on his lips.
Wanda can feel the burning questions at the tip of her tongue, begging to be uttered, but before she can gather the strength to ask Natasha’s cold, biting stare, the redhead spins on her heels and walks away. Wanda’s free hand twitches as her mouth opens to call out but Vision’s squeezing hold halts her, the question on your welfare dying on her lips as she shuts her mouth, caging in her truths once more.
The exchange with Vision had become an altercation that involved hurled abuse and abasement by Vision, and a hurled Vision through the compound walls, onto the grounds, by Wanda.
Wanda was rushing around the compound in search of Steve, she had already tried Natasha’s door but she was only met with silence, in her haste, she didn’t think to check with FRIDAY.
She had wasted too much time on her manipulator already, she would ask Steve to help her collect her things from the shared space at a later time. First, she needed to ask him where you were, his warning ringing in her ears. Unfortunately for Wanda, the fates were not on her side as the first person she collided with in her hurry, was not Steve but Stark.
“Watch where you’re going” he mutters angrily before trying saunter past her
“Y/N” “Where’s Y/N? I need to speak to her” she rushes out
“Oh so now suddenly the witchy cares. Just two years too late but who’s keeping track?” he says mockingly, fury unhidden in his dark brown eyes
“You don’t like me and I never liked you but we both love Y/N so please just tell me where she is” Wanda says pleadingly
“Love? You’ve got a funny way of loving someone witchy. If that’s your way of loving, god help the next person you happen to love” He spits before turning away from her and taking his leave.
Tony, of course, doesn’t manage one step away before red wisps of energy bind him in place and lock his arms to his side, his whole body immovable as he is involuntarily turned to face her once more.
“So what, can’t get your way so you’ll force it? Typical, always quick to use your powers for whatever you want right?”
“I’m sorry” pained sadness dripping from the two words
“Excuse me, what?” his face contorted in confusion
“I want to tell her I’m sorry, that I messed up. I want to explain, I want-”
“That’s always been the problem! You want and Y/N gives! She gave and she gave until there was nothing left for her to GIVE!” he rages, his voice an octave higher but bite sharper than if he had screamed at her.
Wanda withdraws her powers and hangs her head low. “You’re right” she concedes as tears fall, pattering droplets on the floor. “Y/N always gave me everything and I let it all get away because I was scared and foolish. She just needs to know that she didn’t mean nothing to me”
Her tears begin to pool on the floor as Tony listens on, biting his tongue not to interrupt this once. “She means everything to me but I was so scared I’d lose her like I lost everyone, I let Vision get to me. She needs to know” she begins to whimper silently, her eyes shut as her shoulders shake and her tears freefall.
“She’s already left with Natasha on a mission. You’re too late, no one will be able to contact them until the mission is done and from the brief, it’s at least a year” she says coldly before leaving her alone.
As Wanda sits on the compound floor in a broken crumple, Steve making an appearance, and wrapping his large arms around as her wails echo through the halls, the weight of her choices bears down on her. The time lost, the pain spread, the happy future with you broken down into atoms as images of your suffering dance with her within her knotted tree. The light she held onto so tenderly flickers and the warmth but a nuance of its former radiance threatening to douse her in darkness, leaving her in the shroud of loneliness that has been her constant companion since that fateful day.
Choices will always have consequences, no choice is ever free from it’s entanglements. To choose one is to lose another, and to choose nothing could lead to losing everything.
Year and Half Later
Wanda had done the work, she had spent time with the team psychiatrist to work through what had happened with Vision and how she would move through future relationships. Under Steve's orders, Vision was sent all over the world to aid SHIELD in their endeavors, Wanda knew it was an exile of sorts.
Wanda's work of course, was far from completed, the level of loss and trauma that she had endured would take years, if not a lifetime, of effort. For you, she would spend all eternity on the undertaking of the task if that was what it took to mend the harm she had done.
Today was merely the beginning. Steve had informed her that the mission was a success, no issues had, you were coming home.
She twiddled her rings nervously as she waited on the tarmac for your quinjet's arrival, her mind ruminating through her speech, through the possibilities and the potential that you would to turn your back on her for good, but she would try.
As the your ship draws nearer, her heart races and her hands shake, the jet is landing now, her mind's coherence is whittling away, pictures of your smile taking its place.
With the ship firmly on the ground, she approaches hesitantly, trying to remember what she had spent all this time planning to say. As the familiar sound of the back hatch opening and drawing downwards, the very real sight of you well with a soft smile on your face, knocks the air from her lungs.
Wanda can't think any longer, her speech long forgotten, only the feeling of her heart growing with warmth existed. You were home and she was free. With the strength she had muscled to find after Vision, she opens her mouth to call out to you excitedly but as the platform lowers, her strength is sapped at the sight of your hand gripped in Natasha's.
Her voice comes out meekly, displaying her heartbroken emotion.
ahhh! i’ve always disliked vision, but this made me absolutely HATE his dumb toaster of an ass. honestly he’s worse than thanos, at least in this story’s context. anyway, that was a rollercoaster. i’m just here rocking Nicky back to sleep and reading this story. he’s lucky he wasn’t violently shaken with my anger towards a certain robot. anyway, we’re both going to bed, i absolutely loved the story, and look forward to the next chapter
Summary: As time for Y/N’s departure approaches, she finds herself wandering through brief memories of a love shared with Natasha, a love she so desperately hopes to cling on to.
Warnings: None (let me know if you think I should add some)
A/N: So I can actually make short oneshot, go figure. This is inspired by a song and some movies but I’ll keep that to myself for now. Please ignore any and all mistakes left behind, always tired when I finish these. As always, hope you enjoy this, I welcome comments and appreciate reblogs. Header credit: @its-just-may
You watch as the sea laps at the shore, soaking the sandy beach with the salty water, the sound of the crashing waves muted within your home. You turn your gaze away from the window with a gentle sigh as you make your way to your bedroom.
Your right hand fingers graze over the sheet covered couch as you pass, the roughness a contrast to the softness of the tips of your skin. You listen to the soft scratchy sounds as your fingers caress along its length.
Your left hand extends out and your tips wander across your collection of books, feeling the ridges along the spines of the well read novels bumping underneath your skin. One by one you tip the books to its side as you meander towards your bedroom, enjoying the grooves you feel, reminding you of countless lazy days spent reading with your head on her lap, the gentle thumps of the books falling over filling the silence.
You hold both hands out and gently push your bedroom door open and for a moment you bask in the light. You always loved this room with its light painted walls and large bay windows. You had left them open, the soft breeze causing the faint, sheer curtains to billow gently in the wind, fanning the smell of the sea and salty air towards you.
Your travel bags are set by the foot of your bed, a reminder of your departure. You like your bed, the large pillowy mattress always the tempting mistress to stay buried within, coaxing you with its warmth and suppleness, seducing you with decadent dreams of ample breasts welcoming you as strong arms encompass you in their heat.
You take a seat on your velvety sheets, your eyes honed in on a weathered shoe box, beaten with time and travel. An innocuous box, not one that would merit anyone’s attention but to you, it was a treasure trove of history, of memories that you weren’t ready to relinquish even as the sands of time trickle steadily away.
Carefully lifting the lid and setting it aside, your eyes cast over the myriad of trinkets you had collected over the years. Your hands gently grasp a crumpled bar coaster, you lay it on your palm and delicately flatten it out in your hand, taking care not to damage the worn piece further.
/
You had come crashing through your apartment door in a fit of giggles as Natasha carefully guides you in, your hand still struggling to pull your key free from the lock. Chuckling at your pitiful attempts to free the metal, she softly wraps her hand around yours, twists the key a fraction before delicately withdrawing it.
Natasha pulls you inside laughing at your inebriated state and all you can do is drown in her melody. She would tell you in the morning it was the litany of gins and tequila you'd ordered, you would tell her it was the presence of her warm body holding you firmly against her that did it.
You place your hand on her cheek and guide her to your lips, the heat from the alcohol felt comparable to nothing but cold ice in contrast to the burning heat that she pours into you with her plush lips.
You feel the hesitation still her movements as she gently pulls away, breaking the kiss and cooling the moment. Her green orbs search your face for recognition, for confirmation that the change in your friendly dynamic was a welcome one, rather than a regrettable moment of weakness that may shatter your relationship altogether.
Your bungled thoughts hone in on her face full of consternation as her eyes run with the endless question, awaiting your acceptance or refusal. You will yourself sober, face softening as you pepper kisses to her cheeks before placing gentle pecks to her full lips. You want this, you want her, she relents.
The chaste kisses quickly turns heated once more as lips crashed together and tongues dance, vying for control. Moans slip from your lips only to be captured by her, as your hands find purchase on her hips, the strength in your legs crumbling with your control.
She kicks the door closed behind her, lips prying submission from you as she explores within, tasting the melding sweetness and bite of your cocktails, the salt and tang from the shots, the mellow vanilla that was you. You concede to her, allow her to take the lead, to taste you, relishing in the bitter taste of her beer as she explores and in the sweet citrus of her she leaves behind.
She moves you back, hands gripping your hips as your mouths dance with want, your hands now tangled in her red tresses as you moan in desperation. You feel the cold kitchen counter behind you press against your hot skin and you let out a yelp of shock at the contrast.
Natasha takes the opportunity to suck marks along your neck, drawing unrestrained mewls from you. She wraps her arms underneath your legs and lifts you up onto the counter, your clothed breasts displayed before her, your legs wrap around her waist to draw her closer into you.
She moves back and a whimper escapes you at the loss of her lips against your skin, your desire dulled mind trying to focus on her rather than the fiery ache between your thighs.
She firmly wraps her hand under your jaw, tilting your face towards her, forcing you to stare into her lust blown orbs, no hint of green free from the dark pools of her hunger. “Sure?” she husks, voice laden with desire.
You bite your lip with anticipation, the choking need for her touch consuming you as you nod along dumbly, oozing desperation.
Natasha runs her thumb along your bottom lip as she pulls it free from between your teeth. “Say it” she orders
A quiet moan escapes as you feel a rush of need soak through your underwear, pooling between your legs. Her assertive command overrides your senses, pulling away any ability for coherent thought. “Yes” you manage out as you wrangle control over your frazzled mind.
She wraps her long fingers around your neck and pulls you into a bruising kiss, her other arm wrapping around you and lifting you off the counter to lay you on the cold kitchen floor, ripping your clothes off in a frenzy to expose your sweat soaked skin to her touch.
She discards the rags to the side, the material collides with your handbag, knocking it over, allowing a single stolen coaster to tumble out as moans fill the room and the walls shake in time with Natasha’s thrusts, coaxing you to your first orgasm of the night.
You place the memento back and gently finger a pressed rose. You carefully lift the tender flower and inhale the scent from it, her perfume still lingering behind after all this time. You turn the rose in your fingers, the color still as ruby red as the lips you loved to be worshipped by.
/
You lay with your head on her lap as she absent-mindedly thrums her fingers through your hair while pouring over a mission debrief. You lose yourself in the words printed in the pages of your book as one hand holds it open and your other draws lazy shapes against Natasha’s exposed thigh.
The blasting A/C was doing nothing to dent the sweltering heat, a drought had been announced earlier in the day, but not even the discomfort of the temperature would separate you from your current closeness with the redhead. Moments like these were rare with the Avenger, she had sparse few moments where she could solely spend her time with you rather than other engagements that took priority.
You would revel in these quiet moments of domesticity with her where there was nothing but you and her. No missions, no training, no Avengers.
As your eyes track the words on the page of your book, you miss her fluid movements as she sets the file aside and looks down at you adoringly before a mischievous quirk of her brow ticks up.
Her slender fingers pinch the top of your book before yanking it from your grip and holding it at arms length behind her.
“Nat” you whine “Can I please have my book back? It was getting to the good bit” you pout
She taps her chin in mock thought before replying with a devilish smile. “If you want it, come get it” she husks
Never one to back down from a challenge, you flip to your front and crawl on top of her, reaching out for your book but her long arms keep it just out of your hands. With a frustrated huff you try to move further up her body only for Natasha to wrap her other arm around your waist, pinning you in place.
“Baby” you whine “Please give me my book” you try to ask sweetly this time as you flutter your lashes at her.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Nat-” “Oh” you moan with surprise as Natasha presses her thigh against your core.
Your face flushes at the unexpected contact but your pride forces you to answer against your body’s wishes. “Yes, I want my book back. Please” you repeat a little petulantly, your heart already racing, your sex heated.
“Are you sure?” her whispered question sultry. Without forewarning, her arms pull you closer into her thigh as she tenses her muscles and grinds it into your clothed cunt.
Your head falls into the crook of her neck as you moan at the rubbing friction, the slick coating your lips evident to you already.
“Tell me detka, are you sure it’s what you want?” she rasps in your ear, hot breath fanning your lobe causing your skin to erupt in goose bumps and your nipples to peak and press against your shirt.
“No” you reply breathlessly, your hips riding her thigh without her direction
“What do you want?” she asks in barely a whisper as she licks and nibbles your ear before sucking on a tender spot on your neck.
You moan loudly at the sensation, your hips movements speeding, your arms now wrapped around her neck.
“You” is all you can stutter out and without hesitation, your book falls from her hands as she flips you over on the couch so she’s nestled above you.
Giggles dance with sounds of wet kisses on skin and words of praise in your apartment, as a single red rose lingers alone in a vase, suffering the desert like heat.
You replace the rose and your eyes linger over a single leather glove. The color had worn down from use and the creases where your fingers would bend were now tearing but the memory of when Natasha had first given it to you was as vivid as ever.
/
Natasha was driving you back from the restaurant but a freak blizzard had caught your unawares. Not wanting to get into an accident, Natasha opted to park at the side of a deserted road as the snow piled up around you.
It didn’t take long before the vehicle was buried in the frozen perspiration and the car was blanketed in darkness. You fumbled for the light switch on the roof of the car, turning it on and bathing the small space in a gentle glow.
The heater wasn’t doing much for your freezing hands, you weren’t adapted to such harsh temperatures. You place your hands in front of the heater and rub them together in attempts to warm them.
Natasha notices your discomfort and begins to remove her gloves before you stop her. “No, then your hands will freeze” you say through shaky lips.
“I’m Russian, I can handle the cold Y/N” she retorts playfully
“No” you huff before continuing with trying to warm your hands.
Natasha takes a glove off her right hand and throws it on your lap. “We’ll share then” she says simply.
“But what about your other hand?” you ask, already putting the glove on, thankful for the warmth that Natasha had already imparted to it.
“We’ll just keep each other warm” she replies before grabbing your ungloved hand in hers and huffing her warm breath against your skin before placing a lingering kiss to the top of it.
With soothing music from the radio, and Natasha sharing her heat with you, you felt oddly warmer than you should while trapped in a blizzard. You can’t help but think that no matter the storm, she would always help you weather it with ease.
“You know, there are other ways to get warm” she says with a wink
“I am not getting naked in this cold, I’ll freeze to death before I get my pants off” you state firmly
She chuckles beside you and butterflies of elation swirl within you, knowing you were the reason for her happiness.
“Come sit on my lap, and I’ll promise you won’t have to take off a thing” her voice turns teasing as she places an open mouthed kiss on your hand. She peppers smaller kisses down your fingers before wrapping her mouth around two of your digits, swirling her tongue around them, coating them with her spit.
If anyone were to cross the pile of snow on that abandoned road and deigned to wipe it away, they would have been met with two women in the throes of ecstasy as Natasha buries herself deep within you, your jeans hiding her hand, your heat keeping her warm.
You wonder if she still has the other glove, if she cares for it like you had cared for it all this time. Placing the glove back, you look at the numerous tokens of precious moments you had collected during your time with Natasha, but not all memories are happy ones.
/
The torrential storm outside did nothing to pierce the heavy atmosphere always present after a session of love making.
You were panting heavily, breasts heaving under the sheets, body drenched with sweat as the room is heady with the smell of perspiration and sex. Natasha was a goddess in bed and she knew how to strum your chords just so until you were singing a symphony.
But you knew tonight wasn’t a night where she was all yours, she had told you as much when she came to see you not four hours ago. She had prior engagements that she needed to be at and your time had run out.
Placing a quick parting kiss to your lips, she whisks her discarded clothes from the floor and throws them on in a flurry. “I’ll call you soon” she says before rushing out the door, probably already a little late in leaving you.
No, the torrential storm did nothing to pierce the atmosphere inside as the storm out there was nothing but a drop of rain compared to the one within your home. Your heavy pants from sex were replaced heavy pants of utter panic.
You loved Natasha, you wanted her to stay but you knew she couldn’t, you knew she wouldn’t.
As the streets flood and the lightning cracks bright, streaking lights across the sky, a single woman lays crumpled in her sex soaked sheets as she drowns in the scent of her lover and in her love.
You look at the flashing clock on your bedside table, it’s almost time to go. As much as you want to reminisce through more items, you need to lock them away safely. Putting the lid back on the box, you handle the box carefully, as if cradling it would keep your precious memories safe a while longer.
Opening the safe, you place the box within before shutting and locking it once more. Memories are constantly lost, forgotten through illness, through time or death but your hope is that this safe might preserve the best moments of your life even if you couldn’t, even if all you could hold on to surely, is the day you left.
/
“Why are you doing this Y/N?” Natasha asks, her voice pained
“Because I love you but you won’t stay and I can’t keep breaking my heart for you” you reply as tears stream down your face.
“You know I can’t” she says meekly as she reaches out to hold you. You never could deny her, you let her wrap herself around you as you soak her in, your senses alight and full of Natasha.
“Because you’re with him” you blubber
“I can’t leave Bruce, you knew when we started this” she says softly “Please don’t leave”
“I can’t stay Nat, I can’t do this anymore” you sob
You stay that way a while, her holding you as if you were her one and only, you holding onto her as if you were never going to leave but you aren’t her one and you are leaving.
An impatient honk sounds from the streets below, your taxi is getting restless as he pounds the horn continuously.
“I have to go” you whisper as you pull away from her. You grab your last bag before turning to her. “If the world was ending, you’d come over right?” you ask
You watch her jaw clench with effort and her breathing begin to labor, tears pooling in her eyes but she stays silent, not a single motion to tell you she would. That's an answer enough in its own right you decide as you finally walk away from her.
You take calming breaths, now’s not the time to ponder those painful memories. You don’t have much time left until you have to leave.
You look towards your disconnected phone, you want to call your Uncle Benny but you know he isn’t happy with the way you’re going. He wants you with him and his family but you know that’s not where you belong.
/
“Seriously Y/N? You’re being ridiculous!” he huffs angrily down the phone
“Uncle B, this is my choice. This is wh-”
“No!”
“Uncl-”
“No Y/N, you should be here, with your family, with us” his anger slowly fading with his words.
Uncle B had always taken care of you, even when your own parents abandoned you in search of fame, he never left your side and raised you as his own daughter.
“I’m sorry Uncle, I love you all, I do, but I can’t. I’m doing the right thing for me.”
“Y/N please don’t go like this”
“I love you Uncle B. Bye”
“Y-”
You disconnect the chord and cut the call, you know he’ll keep calling if you don’t. It’s better this way, you tell yourself.
You eye your luggage, you’ve got time left. You exit your bedroom and make your way out of your home, the air almost still, the breeze nothing but a whisper.
You feel the warm, wet sand stick to your feet as you walk away from the house. You look out, the sea had receded into the horizon, only a faint sliver of blue to mark its existence in the distance.
The world was still now, not even a flutter in the wind, you were surrounded by silence as you stood stationary on your private beach, eyes closed, letting all your fear, worry and pain seep away like the tide.
“Y/N?”
Your eyes snap open, you know the voice, the rasp unforgettable but fear coursed through you, locking you in place. What if you were going mad, worse, what if you were mistaken and her memory is truly slipping away.
“Y/N?”
You whip around and surely enough, it really is her. Your eyes inspect her vibrant red hair plaited into a thick braid, draped over her shoulder. She stands just out of your arm's reach, a hesitancy in her stance that you hadn’t seen before.
“You’re really here” you all but whisper
“Did you still want me to be?” she asks but her voice cracks, betraying her confidence
“Always”
A smile breaks out before she takes a long stride to break the distance and wrap you in her arms. It had been a year since you left, a year away from her, a year without hearing her voice, a year without her touch and a year without her taste.
You hold each other tightly, her arms wrapped firmly around your waist, yours clinging to her neck, each buried in the crook of each other's neck as gentle tears prickle your skins. You feel the wind pick up as you pull your faces away to look into each other's eyes.
“I should have said yes”
You furrow your brow in confusion
“The day you walked away, I should have said yes. I wanted to, god how much I wanted to” she admits softly
“It doesn’t matter, you’re here now, but what about Bruce?” you ask with hesitancy, you know it doesn’t matter anymore, time is ticking away.
“He left with the others and I came for you” “I should have never let you go” she says, her voice rising as the wind speeds up.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, we’re together now” your voice raised over the sound of the billowing gale
“I LOVE YOU!” she shouts
“I LOVE YOU TOO!”
You stand there in each other's embrace, finally, after all this time, she had said the three words you had longed to hear all these years. You see the burning adoration and love encompass her emerald eyes and not a flicker of doubt crosses your mind that you were hers and she was yours.
As the winds rage around you and the wall of water approaches you, the small bubble of a world that held you and Natasha was still. Nothing moved, nothing sounded, nothing mattered beyond the woman that owned your heart, Natasha Romanoff.
You pulled her into you and crashed your lips against her moving together like the never forgotten dance, her tast-
A/N: So you got to the end. The song was inspired by ‘If the world was ending’ JP Saxe ft Julia Micheals and the title for the specific end of the world film that popped into my mind escapes me at the moment. Did you get the hints of the world falling apart? Let me know what you all thought in the comments :)
Word Count: 7.4k+ (Bit shorter than the other two :D)
Summary: Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all, knew nothing of the pain of losing love. Can Y/N fight the pull of oblivion at Wanda’s departure or will she finally fade into nothingness?
Warnings: 18+, Explicit drug use and addiction, mental health degradation, explicitly implied rape, attempted suicide, implies death (if you think I need to add more, please let me know)
A/N: So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve written something and this is the thing I came up with during writer’s block. It's inspired by the song 'Habits' by Tove Lo. Of all the things I have written so far, this is definitely NOT for the faint hearted. This story can be very triggering so please, please read the BOLD warnings and DO NOT read if you are triggered by any of the content. Also please do not replicate any of the damaging and dangerous behavior the reader is engaging in. I don’t know who I have to say it to but just in case. I’d love to know your thoughts and as always, I appreciate comments and reblogs.
Italics are flashbacks
Bold are texts
Chapters I One I Two I Three I Four I Five I Epilogue
Icarus was warned not to fly too close to the sun but can you be blamed when your wax heart was drawn to the radiating light that was Wanda's love.
Upon joining the motley crew of Avengers, Wanda had fast become your friend, oddly relishing in your quiet company. You of course, as all terrible love stories begin, had to fall in love with her. One of your best friends, one of your confidants, one of the women you had trusted to bequeath entry into heart.
“Come on Y/N. Please come with me. I don’t want to go to this silly girl’s night out alone” Wanda continues to plead as she lays spread eagled on top of you.
You quirk a brow upward before once again bringing the book she had unceremoniously swiped away back in front of you, effectively shielding you from her pouty gaze. You know there is only so much you can handle before your resolve would surely dissolve at her puppy like stare. “It’s a girl’s night Wanda, you won’t be alone. Pepper, Nat and Carol will be there” you respond, making your disinterest in the event clear.
Wanda grabs the book placed annoyingly close to her face and flings it behind her, out of your reach.
“WANDA! You can’t do that to books!” you huff with annoyance.
With a mischievous grin, she slowly raises your book in the air with her red wisps, your current page still open. “You know I’d never do that to your books. I know how much you love them but I had to get your attention somehow”
It’s true that books were your great love, your home and respite from the grueling truth that is reality. The worlds of wonder created by the words in those pages were incomparable to even the greatest beauty held in all nine realms, or so you thought, until Wanda blustered into said world.
You watch with rapt attention as another wisp gently cradles your bookmark, one Wanda had bought you with her first earnings, placing it in your book before carefully shutting it and slotting it neatly on your shelf.
You can feel her shuffle herself to cross her arms against your chest and to lay her chin on her hands. You try not to let your thoughts linger on how her warm hands feel against your clothed breasts, seemingly permeating through all the material with ease, filling your skin with heat. You take a calming breath before turning towards her, face unimpressed and head tilted to the side waiting for her to continue.
“Please Y/N? You can’t leave me alone to those vultures”
This causes a chuckle to erupt from your chest, shaking Wanda’s head along with your laughter. “I’d hardly call those three ‘vultures’ Wands” Your eyes glittering with amusement, thoughts of reading completely forgotten.
“Not them! The people at clubs, they’re always so messed up and just looking for someone to play with. You’re leaving me alone with them and without any protection” she grumbles at you, clearly unimpressed with the lack of care you show about her welfare.
“Again, you aren’t alone. You have Stark’s girlfriend, THE Black Widow AND Captain Marvel with you. I think they’ll protect you better than I can” you say matter-of-factly
“I am alone if my best friend isn’t there with me” she sulks, laying her cheek on her hand, avoiding your Y/E/C.
The wretched vines around your heart dig their thorns in once again with Wanda’s words. Friends, that’s all you are to her and all you ever will be. She misses the way your mood dips into sadness and how your jaw clenches as the thorns of your love dig deeper trenches into your battered heart. You school your features expertly before she turns to face you again. You display once more, your evident disinterest in the event, hiding your true distaste for the venture behind the veil of introversion.
“I don’t want to go to a club Wanda. You know I hate being around too many people, especially people who don’t know the meaning of personal space.” You try to navigate your way out of the whole ordeal.
“But you love being around me right? We’ll be together in that awful place and maybe…we can…make it more fun for each other?” Wanda’s attention is focused on your features, green eyes swirling with hope.
Your heart melts into a softer mould before your face reveals it, you’re too weak to deny her requests.
“They do say misery loves company” you reply softly, flashing her a gentle smile that doesn’t quite resonate with how you feel in the moment.
If Wanda notices, she doesn’t seem to acknowledge it, you prefer to believe she doesn’t see the hurt hidden beyond your many masks. She simply smiles broadly back at you, displaying her rows of perfectly white teeth, framed by her perfectly plump lips before burying her face into the crook of your neck.
“Thank you Y/N. I love you” she whispers gently, her warm breath caressing your skin.
“I love you too Wanda” You reply with emotion before the familiar numbness washes over you, protecting your fragile heart from the continued assaults of your thorny love for the Sokovian woman.
Booming music thrummed in your ears as your empty eyes took in the familiar scene before you. Bodies laden with sweat and glitter gyrated against one another in the sea of drug and alcohol addled minds. You were no better, you were no different, but once upon a time you were. You sit upon your cushioned throne, the thing soaked in all matter of bodily fluids, as if you were above the depravity you see before you. Your mind wanders, unbidden, to a time where that thought held more weight than the one in the pit of your stomach
/
Your sobriety does nothing but add annoyance to your current predicament. Carol had insisted on trying this new club that she had heard in passing, no doubt from another woman who had hoped that she sparked a drop of the blonde’s interest. Now you were pressed in a huddle amongst your friends as you tried to wash down your irritation with a glass of warm coke.
Your friends, Carol, Nat and Wanda, were acutely aware of your distaste for such environments. It reminded you of a version of yourself you had long fought to stave away. They had taken it upon themselves to hem you protectively in between them.
You take in Carol to your right. She’s jovially conversing with Pepper but no one can miss her crossed arms and the rigidity of her straight spine. She dares anyone to try to approach you, drunk or otherwise. A sliver of amusement bubbles up at the thought, Carol may look imposing but she’s more teddy bear than grizzly bear.
You tilt your head slightly to the right and look towards Natasha, leaning her head on your left shoulder, arms encasing your waist gently but firmly as she listens to the Sokovian. The ex-assassin was your first true friend when you joined the team and you trusted her just as much as you trusted Wanda, maybe more.
Nat was not one for affection or any touching that went beyond what a mission may entail but for you, she had made exceptions. Being in a club was one such exception. She would hold you close to help ground you and dissuade anyone from thinking to approach you. Of course such a ploy didn’t always work, much to her chagrin, and that would be when the Black Widow made her venomous appearance. Nat was likely to give them one shot to leave before she broke at least a few bones. Thankfully tonight was peaceful and you felt her relaxed hold of you.
Finally, you take in the witch to your left. Her supple hand is still wrapped around your free one, never disengaging your connection since leaving the compound, not even as Nat slunk her arms around your waist. You watched as she talked animatedly to Nat about some topic that flew over your head, lost in the myriad of expressions she displays with her storytelling.
Anyone that wasn’t you would think your position was an enviable one, after all, you were surrounded by earth’s most powerful and beautiful women. You, on the other-hand, would give anything to be anywhere else at that moment.
Nat’s breasts pressing against your back with alternating firmness, matching her breathing, was very distracting. Yes, you are in love with Wanda but this is Natasha you were talking about. If Wanda was the Goddess Aphrodite, Natasha would be Athena. You were sober, not celibate and not immune to her wiles, although the celibate thing could be argued at this point…
Wanda’s warm and gentle grasp of your hand did nothing to help your growing frustration as you couldn’t find the grounding you needed from either women. You simply take another sip of your warm coke as you try to even out your breathing and focus on anything other than the different body parts in contact with yours.
You miss the furrowing of Natasha’s brows as she side-eyes you discretely, feeling the tenseness of your body in her hold. This draws Wanda’s attention to you as you gaze at Pepper blankly, clearly lost in thought. She gives your hand a gentle squeeze to pull your attention to her.
She asks you if you were ok wordlessly and you simply reply with a tight smile trying to assuage her. You watch as her eyes turn a gentle red as she speaks in your mind.
“Dance with me”
It was not a request, it was a command and her pulling you onto the dance floor and out of Natasha’s hold, confirmed as much.
She wades into the masses of bodies with you in tow and as soon as she sees an opening, she pulls you in towards her and presses her back into your front, your arms wrapping around her instinctively.
Your jaw clenches with discomfort at the suffocating proximity of unknown people, eyes all lost in the haze in their minds, bodies buzzing with the toxins coursing through their veins. Wanda’s body sways smoothly against you as your body’s movements remain jilted. You feel the familiar warmth as Wanda’s power soothes your thoughts and enters your mind.
“Relax, it’s just us milaya. Close your eyes”
You do as instructed and let the world fall away only allowing the beat of the music to sway you and Wanda’s body to guide your rhythm. You nuzzle your face into the crook of her neck, her auburn hair tickling your nose as you bathe in the sweet scent of her. You let a heady exhale as you are consumed by everything that is Wanda. She can’t fight the giggle that escapes her lips.
You feel her turning in your arms and you lift your head, opening your eyes as she drapes her arms around your neck, Y/E/C meeting her pools of green.
You don’t feel suffocated anymore. You aren’t sure whether it’s the fact that Wanda has created an almost imperceptible barrier of red around you both or whether her mere presence is enough to calm your wilful anxieties. All you know is that you are calm and in Wanda’s arms, you feel at peace.
“I love you Y/N”
Not even the loud music could drown out her whispered words when you are acutely attuned to the euphony of her voice.
“I love you too Wands” you profess, knowing she will miss the true meaning behind your words.
You are taken aback when she pulls one hand from your nape only to press it caressingly on your cheek, fear and insecurity flashes in her eyes before they are replaced with dreaded determination.
“No Y/N. I love you. Do you understand?” she says gently, eyes searching yours for some comprehension.
You’re confused, you’re lost for words. It can’t be that kind of love surely? Not the kind of love you hold in your heart for her, no. She’s Wanda and you’re just…Y/N, there’s nothing special about you.
Moments trickle away as you’re locked in an internal, raging war, one between your heart and your mind. Your heart feels her truth but your mind relegates to all the memories of whispered lies of love and affections. You feel her pulling away from you, taking your silence as a rebuff of her confession.
Your mind screams to let her go but your heart screams louder, tearing itself apart to stop her retreat.
“Fuck it” You murmur to yourself but Wanda catches your words, stopping her in her tracks and causing her head to tilt in confusion. Her confusion is quickly warped into shock when you advance on her, grabbing her by her hips and pressing your lips to hers more tenderly than you intended.
It takes a hair breadth of a second for Wanda to reciprocate, one hand snaking around the nape of your neck and the other entangling itself in your hair as she moves against you.
Your mouth explodes with the depth of her taste and she moans into you as your tongue swipes against her bottom lip, requesting access which he readily grants. Your tongue explores the velvet within and you savour the lingering bitterness of her drinks, adding richness to the tinge of sweet citrus that was purely Wanda.
You pull away from the kiss too soon for Wanda’s liking and her lips chase after yours causing you to chuckle. She pouts at your refusal to continue but you wipe away her pout by giving her soft but quick kisses, highly aware if you were to linger, you might very well die on her lips, refusing to disengage.
“I love you too Wanda. I have for a long time” you finally admit.
You see the joy radiate in her effervescent eyes and finally the roses on the thorny vines wrapped around your heart bloom a deep shade of red.
/
You are yanked out of your reverie when you feel hands run themselves up and down your thigh, a feeble attempt at seduction but you don’t care, anything to wash away the memories that have unwelcomingly appeared in your mind. You turn Y/E/C to the dark skinned woman beside you. She’s inherently beautiful, you can see that, but her beauty is worn down by years of substance abuse, her face shallow and her eyes hollow. A part of you is repulsed by her, you know she is a human reflection of what you must appear to be.
It takes a few moments for you to realise she is shaking a small clear bag in her other hand, near your face. You push the square mirror on the table with a razor towards her, prompting her to continue. You watch her practiced movements as she empties the bag’s contents on the mirror and begins cutting the white clump into a powder. She uses the razor to create a long, fat line of powder before grabbing the snippet of a straw, putting one end in her nose and inhaling the line through it.
She pulls away pushing the mirror back to you. You cut the powder more finely, she was too eager, you want it to travel smoothly without tiny clumps getting stuck along the passage. You wrack up your line, longer, fatter but you don’t care. She’s too out of it to notice right now. You grab her straw and duplicate her movements.
You feel the familiar powder tickle your sinus as it travels into your system. You tilt your head up to the ceiling and take another quick snort to ensure you don’t lose a drop. You taste the familiar coke drip as you swallow, the bitterness coating your taste buds. You welcome the explosion in your heart as it beats dangerously fast in your chest. Your body ignites as the white snow buries all your pain in emptiness.
Thoughts of Wanda are gone, there’s an unknown woman straddling you, rubbing her heat against your thigh and you welcome it. You’re high and that’s all that matters. You lose yourself once more into the night.
You wake up cold and uncomfortable. Your neck twisted in a painful angle. You take a few moments to take in your surroundings. You curse yourself, you’ve fallen asleep in the bathtub again, looking towards the floor beside you and you spot the remnants of pizza, the toppings indiscernible. You grab the cold slice and munch away, its taste equivalent to eating the cardboard it was packed in but you don’t care. You look at your watch as you chew, you are wasting the day away.
You look up at the bathroom ceiling trying to swallow the dry piece when a buzz of your phone grabs your attention. The days where you would scurry towards it in hopes that it was Wanda was long past but you drag yourself out of the tub regardless, knowing your lack of response would have either Nat or Carol bursting into your apartment, perhaps both.
You unlock your screen and check your message, it’s Carol.
Powerpuff Girl
“Hey, I’m in orbit this week. You should come out with Nat, Pepper and I.”
Me
“Hi Bubbles. I’d love to but I’m not feeling so great. Think I’ve caught something. Rain check?”
You watch as she types and stops continuously. You know she’s aware you’re lying, she’s just trying to figure out whether to call you out or not. You’re hoping for the latter, you love your friends but the last thing you need is a ‘girl’s night out’, such events still a triggering thing for you.
Powerpuff Girl
“Have you eaten?”
Me
“Yeah, pizza. I’m just gonna go to bed Carol and try to sleep this off”
You hold your breath hoping she lets you go without a fight, the last thing you need is her showing up to check on you, or worse, sending Natasha to do it. Carol will always be the gentler of the two.
Powerpuff Girl
“Ok but call me if you need anything or get worse. Promise?”
Me
“Promise. Have fun and next time you’re around, I’ll treat you to whatever you want :)”
Powerpuff Girl
”Deal!”
You sit on your toilet seat and bury your head in your hands as the waves of guilt wash over you. You hated lying to your friends, you hated not seeing them but you hated being sober more.
You leave the bathroom adjoining your bedroom to see the whirlwind mess before you, clothes strewn about the floor, bed unmade and in dire need of changing, air stale with wafts of filthy clothes, sex, booze and drugs. You stand in the doorway and take in a room that was once vibrant, full of light and love, reduced to its mocking opposition. The emptiness is a vivid representation of the state of your heart as pain dances within, cloyingly.
You rip your clothes off from the night before only to throw on what you assume are clean clothes before racing out of the apartment you once shared with Wanda. You can’t breathe and it has nothing to do with the obvious stench in the place.
/
You and Wanda had been together for a few years and finally had enough money saved up to buy your first apartment together. It was by no means extravagant but it was perfect for the both of you. A large living room with an open plan kitchen, two bedrooms, one of which you turned into a study for the both of you to use and a bathroom adjoining the master bedroom.
You had left Wanda to decorate the majority of the apartment, which in hindsight should have been supervised as it had somehow turned into a greenhouse, while she let you loose on the study. Luckily the room was large enough to house your endless books but even the floor to ceiling bookshelves that covered each wall, with the exception of the wall behind your desk with a large window, still appeared as though they were groaning with the effort of holding all of the literary works.
Life was sweet, it was perfect. In between missions, you would spend time cooking together in the kitchen, dancing around each other with practiced ease, music playing in the background accompanied by your wailing being passed off as singing. You hated your singing voice but you loved how it brought joy to Wanda as you attempted to serenade her. What you loved the most was when Wanda’s laughter would ebb away only for her to begin serenading you with her melodious tune, hands wrapped around your neck, gazing at you with adoration.
Most days were spent cuddled on the sofa, Wanda laying atop you, her eyes trained on the quiet black and white sitcom she put on the TV as your arms are wrapped around her, book in hand, reading another tale of heroics and love fighting all manners of impossible feats.
“I love you, you know” Wanda says quietly.
“I know sweet” you hum in response, slightly absent minded as if this was something you would be doing forever.
“No Y/N, I don’t think you do” she says abruptly
Her tone has drawn your full attention now. You mark your page with the same bookmark and place the book down on the coffee table beside you.
“What do you mean Wands?” you prod her gently. You can feel the tenseness in her body, she’s building up to say something but she’s afraid. You give her smaller frame a gentle squeeze for reassurance.
“I mean I love you. Crazy in love with you kind of love. The ‘I love you’ that has me thinking of marriage and a house and kids and a dog, kind of love” she rambles out quickly.
Your face flushes uncontrollably. If your heart could scream, it would be bellowing out its love for Wanda and its insurmountable joy in this moment, luckily for you it doesn’t and it has to wait for you to open your mouth, under the control of your mind.
“Look at me sweet” you whisper.
Slowly, she turns her attention to you, fear evident that she has scared you away with her admission. You always were the slower of the two when it came to moving your relationship forward. “I want that too Wanda. I love you and I want everything with you” you say gently but with firmness.
You watch as her eyes light up, small pools of tears building up in the corners but before you get a chance to wipe them away, she burrows her face into your chest, probably wiping away her tears on your shirt.
“I love you Y/N” she says, her voice muffled by your chest.
“I love you too Wanda” you reply before placing a lingering kiss to the top of her head.
Your evenings with Wanda are a stark contrast of the sweet days, the years spent together has not tempered the wanton need for each other. You would tease the Sokovian achingly slowly until she was a needy mess underneath you, begging for your touch, for your tongue, for the sweet release that you could give her.
You wouldn’t stop making love until her body was covered in your marks, her throat sore from screaming your name and you were covered in her essence. You would fall asleep with her nestled in your arms, exhausted but sated, at least until the following night.
/
Your feet carry you away from the apartment, the destination etched in your limbs. You’ve taken a step back from the Avengers, citing a need for a break from it all, which leaves you with copious amounts of time twiddling your thumbs and to be lost in thought. You found other ways to pass your daytime, this being one of your favoured methods. You sit yourself on the same bench looking towards a playground filled with rambunctious children being chased by what you assume are their nannies.
You and Wanda had bought a place near the more affluent part of New York and with that came playgrounds filled with rich children, rich children with rich mothers, and what are rich mothers if not bored housewives with more money than sense.
It isn’t long until one approaches you and sits a little away from you, you can sense her hesitancy but also feel her excitement at the prospect of her debauched behaviour.
“I’ve seen you here before” she says with a slight quiver in her voice and a frown on her face.
“Beautiful woman like you probably has better things to do with her time than to notice a nobody like me” you say gently before turning your attention, clearly eyeing her up. She’s at least a decade above you in years but she holds an older kind of beauty, the one you would see plenty of in those sitcoms Wa...you grit your teeth and fight the urge for her to invade your mind again.
The woman is oblivious to your shift in mood and her need is only heightened with your words. “What if I want to do more than just notice you” she husks, edging closer to you.
“That can be arranged. Where’s your car?” you whisper, bewitching her with dulcet tones.
She’s all but dragging you away, careful to still hold back her eagerness for fear of how she would be perceived by her peers, not that she should care, you’ve probably had a foray with most of them by now.
“What about your kid?” you don’t know why you ask, you know they always have a nanny to relieve them of any responsibility, their presence only for appearances sake and a chance to gossip with another while pretending to be doting mothers.
“She’s with Lilly, she’ll be fine” the woman responds with laughter.
You push down the frustration at her callousness, you can’t help comparing her to how Wa…fuck. You steady your breathing and push the thoughts away and welcome the familiar sensation of your emotions beginning to numb the closer you get to the woman’s vehicle. She pulls you in the back with her and you make quick, messy work of the woman until she’s coming undone on your tongue, screaming profanities, her previous frown replaced with a blissed out reverie.
/
You are walking together, hand in hand, exploring the property. Wanda wants to buy a house together. She tells you that it’s an investment towards your future. A place with ample space for children, a large backyard where you can get Tony to build you the best treehouse and in a good school district. It’s still only an hour drive from the compound, already agreeing before-hand that you would take less dangerous field missions while Wanda completely steps away from the life once your first child is born. Her choice, not yours.
“What do you think sweet? Do you like it?” turning to Wanda. You needn’t have asked the way she was hopping from foot to foot with child-like excitement but you wanted her verbal confirmation first.
“Like it? I love it! Can we get it?” She says hurriedly
“Anything for you sweet, I’ll speak to the realtor and we can get the ball rolling” you reply. Wanda leaps into your arms, wrapping her legs around your waist causing you to stumble back slightly before wrapping your arms around her to hold her securely.
“We’re really gonna buy a house?”
“We’re really gonna buy a house Wands” you respond. Her beaming smile puts the brightness of the sun to shame as it radiates with more joyous warmth than you have ever experienced.
Your life has always been marred with pain and suffering since childhood. You’ve always held out hope for a better future, something that was uncharacteristically optimistic for your pessimistic self, but what else did you have if not hope. Finally it seemed that holding on to such flimsy hope has paid off.
/
You’re once again sitting upon your sex soaked throne as you stare at the masses. In the corners of your periphery you see all manner of people clearly fucking without care of reprisal, this was not a place where you can judge anyone’s degenerate behaviour nor would anyone care to comment. Everyone here was after the same thing, the high, the distraction, the warm body to keep them company at night. Everyone here was running from the same thing, the world, their life.
You don’t like going home alone only to spend your nights in an empty apartment so you always end up here, the hive of depravity, in search of someone or something to numb your pain. A place that once caused you anxiety only leaves you restless, waiting for the next distraction.
A man approaches you with gold grills and a toothy grin, he turns your stomach and your hackles immediately rise with his approach. You’re ready to berate him and throw a litany of curses his way for even thinking to approach you until he holds a large bag of white pills in front of you. You bite your tongue.
“How much?” you say as mildly as you can, your body already vibrating with excitement for the impending high.
“Try first and then we’ll talk business. Zeek says you’ll be good for it”
If words came out as liquid, his words would ooze like tar from his lips. Your mind wills you to refuse him, it knows not to trust the man and his motivations. No dealer talks money later, but you’re too far gone, the need itching under your skin too great to ignore. You breath quickens at the thought and your legs bounce impatiently, you wave a hand to the seat next to you allowing him to join.
He flops on the seat with no grace but you don’t care, your eyes are still trained on the bag in his hands and if you had less control of your faculties, you would be drooling into his lap as you grapple it of his hands. He gives you two unmarked pills and for the moment, you have the wherewithal to ask what it was.
“Eden” he growls with a smile.
You don’t care what it is anymore as images of Wanda’s disappointed face invade your mind. You’ll take anything to get the auburn haired goddess out of your thoughts. You swallow them down with a swig of Vodka.
It isn’t long until the floor falls away and you float aimlessly. You watch as you get higher up, looking down at the congregation of naked bodies below you as they twist and intertwine in a gruesome dance. You float higher into the dark sky, nothing and no-one tethering you to the ground as darkness consumes you.
/
The purchase of a house was not as simple as you had first anticipated. It was un-ending paperwork and price proposals before you could even secure a hold on the property. This of course did not account for the fact that the previous owner was waiting for a house they purchased to be available to move into before vacating the property.
You held onto your optimism that it would happen sooner rather than later but it seemed Wanda’s interest in moving was quickly waning. You had chalked it up to adult realism tempering her child-like eagerness at the beginning.
When she stopped asking you about the progress of the purchase all together, you blamed it on the rising number of missions she was being sent on, her success rate clearly making her the most desired for flawless execution. She was obviously exhausted, too exhausted to come home sometimes. You know she hated to be away from you but you would rather she rest in her old room than attempt to drive with bleary eyes.
“I can come get you sweet. Let me just get ready and I’ll be there soon” You rasp, voice heavy with sleep.
“No Y/N, go back to sleep. It’s late and I don’t want you getting into an accident just trying to pick me up. You know it takes you a few hours to actually wake up” she grumbles down the phone.
You can’t refute her point, you never were good at waking up unlike your forever chipper girlfriend.
“Ok Wands, how about I come pick you up early in the morning and we can go for breakfast at that diner you like?” you whisper as you lay your head back down on the pillow.
“Don’t worry about it Y/N. I’ll drive myself home. I’m probably going to sleep for a while. I’ll see you when I get home” she replies
“Ok. I love you Wanda” you mutter before sleep takes you once again.
Wanda knows you’ve fallen asleep, she knows her voice always soothes you to sleep like a favoured lullaby. She hangs up and leaves you to your slumber.
Your face is buried in a pillow and you grumble with discomfort. Your mind is hazy and your body aches painfully. You try to rub away the sleep from your face but you feel an unfamiliar sting on your cheek. You stroke it gently, you can feel the heat radiating from it. Your mind reels with questions. You never forget a drug crazed night yet here you were, a black hole in your memory.
You turn your body to lay on your back only to find yourself naked in your bed and alone. It’s not the first time you’ve woken up bare in bed but rarely do you wake up without some woman dozing beside you. Although the latter is confusing, this is not what has your stomach churning with bile. Your body is littered with bruises and fingernail cuts are dug deep into your hips from an unkindly tight grip.
Not a part of your body is free from welts and as you sit up you feel the sting on your buttocks as it painfully rubs on your rough sheets. All the colour drains from your face as your eyes grow wide with the explanation to the pain in between your legs.
Scratches from where the hem of your jeans would have begun, make their way down to your thighs, all too eager hands not caring for your body in attempts to remove you from your clothing. In between your legs, a stain of blood covers the sheet, they’d hurt you.
You swing your shaky legs out of bed trying to make sense of everything, you’ve never been with a woman who could so aggressively do damage this way. It isn’t until your eyes land on the floor that you feel the last vestiges of your world crumble beneath you.
One the floor is the crumpled bookmark that Wanda had bought you all those years ago, on top of it lay a used and discarded condom.
You rush to the bathroom and empty the contents of your stomach into the toilet. Your body heaves painfully as it tries to discard anything and everything that may linger within. You wretch and heave until nothing but bile resurfaces, even when there is nothing left, you push your fingers down your throat in an attempt to force it out.
When your throat is ripped raw and your abdomen’s muscles ache from your attempts, you drag your withered body into the bathtub and turn the shower on. You allow the searing hot water to wash over you, your skin erupting red from the temperature. You need it to melt away your skin. It doesn’t feel like your own anymore. You sit in a ball in the bathtub, your knees pulled into you as you wrap your arms around your legs, head cradled on your knees. The only sounds in the room are the hot spray of water from the shower head and your quiet sobs.
You are so lost in your pain that you fail to register Natasha’s calls for you, you fail to hear the door to the bathroom open, you fail to acknowledge her request to approach as you sob, you fail to realise it is her arms wrapped around you as you try to claw away from her screaming bloody murder.
“Y/N, Y/N, IT’S ME! STOP! IT’S ME!” Natasha tries to shout over your screams, trying to hold back your flailing arms in an attempt to protect you from yourself.
Eventually her voice bleeds into your foggy mind as your fear calms only for wretched sorrow to take over once more. The pain is all consuming, you have no strength to fight it anymore, you have no confidence to run from it anymore, you just want the pain to ripped away from you just as your heart had once been.
Natasha can only sit with you, holding you as the water sears her skin. You feel so small in her hold, so broken. Her heart aches as you fall apart in her strong arms, she grips you tightly hoping to keep together what’s left of you until she can help you put yourself back together, to put whole the person that Wanda had dashed away leaving only this shattered image.
She vows to hunt down the man who had hurt you, her Widow training never missing a single detail in her travel towards you, never missing the clear signs of unwelcome intrusion on your bed and floor. Rogers righteousness be damned, she’ll make the man pay dearly.
/
Your world was falling apart at the seams and you don’t understand why. Wanda doesn’t want to buy the house with you anymore, she had called them beforehand and told them to cancel the purchase before confronting you about what she had done.
You would have made excuses that she grew tired of waiting for the property had her bags not already been packed when you had arrived home. Wanda didn’t just want the house anymore, she didn’t want you either.
“I…I don’t understand what I did wrong” tears streaming down your face as you try to hold yourself together.
“You didn’t do anything wrong Y/N. You were the perfect girlfriend” Wanda tries, pain clear on her face. She aches to reach out to you, to calm you but she knows it would be equivalent to a slap in the face when she was the cause for your anguish.
All you can focus on is her words. You were the perfect girlfriend. You aren’t anymore. “Then why if we are so good together” you try to bring it back, your voice full of pleading.
She lets out a heavy sigh as her brows furrow. You know what’s coming, you can feel it but you need to hear it from her. You need to hear it from her lips. The same lips that professed wanting a life with you.
“We were good together Y/N but…I…I fell in love with someone else. I’m so sorry” she whispers her truth to you but she might as well have blared it into your ears like a foghorn.
You were never good enough to truly hold onto her, she was never yours to love forever til death do you part. You were a placeholder for when the better person came along, it’s always the way, you were never good enough for anyone. How dare you for a second, much less years, believe that you would be good enough for Wanda.
“Who?”
“Vision”
A pregnant pause grows stagnant in the air before Wanda collects her bags and moves towards the door. Her hand hovers on the handle, waiting for you to say something, anything but it’s too late. The numbness has consumed you and you feel nothing of your heart suffocating slowly.
Wanda leaves. Wanda always was the quicker of you to progress your relationship, it’s only fitting that she’s also the quicker one in ending it.
/
Natasha had left you at some point but not before helping you dress in clean clothes she brought with her. It was an AC/DC top you often pilfered from her back when you lived in the tower, back before Wanda. It smelled like Natasha. The calming aroma was not enough to soothe your distaste for your body. The top, once fitting a little loosely on you, drapes itself around your skeletal body like a tent, all but burying you in the material.
You pull yourself up on shaky limbs, gripping the sink with white knuckles for support. You are finally faced with your reflection, one you had been avoiding for months. You see the large hand shaped welt on your cheek and the purple bruise around your eye. You look at your cracked dry lips, thinned out and no longer plump. Your eyes trail over the hollow of your cheeks, your skin following the shape of your skull, lacking in the fullness it once had. Y/E/C devoid of anything stare back at you in the mirror.
What did you have if you didn’t have hope?
It turns out you had nothing, not even the strength to wake another day to be greeted by your hellish nightmare.
You open the medicine cabinet and pull out the Pentobarbital. The good thing about the internet is there is nothing you can’t get without the right finances and you were no longer spending money on a house and so you weren’t without funds.
You fill a glass by the sink with water. You fall to the floor and stare at the large orange container in your hand, filled to the brim with the deadly pills. You try to look for some reason to stay, to pour it down the toilet but neither your mind nor your heart has the energy to plead with you.
You swallow down its contents with the water and sit there, waiting for the darkness to consume you.
/
Natasha made a quick dash to get you food from across the road, your kitchen barren of anything edible. With arms full of food she fumbles with her spare set of keys as she tries to gain entry to your apartment.
A few frustrating moments later, she finally manages to open the door and trudges in, not before kicking your door shut, her way of showing her displeasure at your door.
“Y/N, I got us food. I got you a double cheeseburger but if you can’t stomach it right now, I got you some cheesy fries too” She calls out to you. She grabs some clean plates from the cupboard and begins to portion out your meals.
“Y/N? Your food will get cold” she calls out again. Natasha’s movements begin to slow as the eerie silence begins to make her skin crawl. Her heart sinks at the stillness in the apartment. She can’t even hear you cry.
She takes tentative steps towards your bedroom, trying not to spook you but when she sticks her head in, the bedroom is still empty. The crack of light from the bathroom is clear in the dull room. She moves towards the bathroom she left you in and her heart thuds painfully against her chest.
“Y/N?”
She pushes the door open and whatever she had feared to see, this was not it. Her eyes land on your greying face, eyes shut, lips turning a shade of blue. She falls to her knees and quickly pockets the pill bottle still in your hand before lifting you in her arms.
“Y/N, what did you do, what did do, what did do.” A continued mantra that escaped the red head’s lips as fear for your life overwhelmed her. She rushes out of the apartment practically flying down the three flights of stairs as your frail body slowly fades away in her arms.
She throws you into the passenger seat of her car and buckles you in before she races back to the compound, all but screaming at Banner to get the medbay ready for your arrival. As Natasha races through the streets to save your life, little did she know there was barely a life left to be saved.
The thorny vines of love piercing your heart had all but sucked you dry to feed the beautiful red blooms of roses, only for them to wither and fall away leaving the last bloom to hold on dearly.
Just like Icarus, you were drawn to the beauty and brightness of Wanda,
Just like he, you flew too close, letting Wanda melt your wax heart.
Just like Icarus you shut your eyes to crashing waves of your demise,
Just like he, you await darkness to welcome you as plummet further.
A/N: Sooo you made it to the end of this one...well...yeah... I have an idea for a part 2 and where I can take this if enough people would like that...otherwise. I’ll leave it to your imagination whether Nat made it on time or not to save the reader. Let me know in the comments.
Taglist: @vancityfire13 @mindofwesley @theperfectlovestory @perfectromanoff @reminiscingtonight @8bitscarlet (Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist)
Oh Wanda, Wanda, Wanda... When will you realise your mistake of leaving... I knew Vision would be an asshole but I wasn't sure just how much of one, the answer; a big one
I'm really liking all these comparisons of R and Vision with the flashbacks and how much healthier of a relationship it was with R
[“...I like that you’re a daydreamer, I just wish I could go with you”] - this is such a cute line!
[a part of her had to fight your gravity] - you have such a way with words
R knew she would choose truth! But of course asshole Vision strikes again!
I knew it! She was looking when R and Nat had their silent conversation!
Ooh Wanda checking R out 👀
[... allows her to breath, as if she had unknowingly stopped the day she walked away.] - !!! So good!
She finally knows something happened after the annihilation of R's heart break-up! I really want to see her reaction to everything that happened to R...
Oh I hope Vision is one of the character deaths you said would be coming...
[“We both know how you talk to friends Wanda. I was your friend after all”] - ouch, but for once I'm glad he said this, so she knows
I hate that he keeps cutting her off, people being interrupted is such a pet peeve of mine...
Steve being an interim father figure to Wanda is cute
[“He’s not Y/N”] - NO. HE'S. NOT!!
I really like flashbacks (with R) - at least when they're good memories - they're really cute
The way your linking stuff to the previous chapters 😙🤌 (this is the closest I can get to a chef's kiss)
I want to punch Vision
[“You guys looked like you had the thing everyone wants and not many find”] - ☺️
No Wanda, leaving R did not work out as you thought it would...! I thought it was all her but Vision is such a dick! It's been him this whole time!
PISS OFF VISION!
WHAT A MANIPULATIVE LITTLE BITCH!
[... the first time you tell her you love her first, she never said it back.] - ouch
[“If you want to apologize for your behavior, I’ll gladly accept it out of my love for you”] - oh you fucking idiot
Yes Wanda! It's your turn to cut him off!
[“... I should have never left her”] - no you shouldn't have!
[“... She never came out of Natasha’s room to even speak to you”] - ooh you fucked up dude...
Kill Kick his ass Wanda!
And that's all caught up from Wanda's POV...
[... a hurled Vision through the compound walls] - yeh boi!
Oh man I do feel bad for Wanda, she was a victim in all this too but she won't be getting any sympathy...
Oh man another year of not being together... I thought you would have ended it there but thankfully not...
Oh wait, is R gonna come back with a girlfriend..?
I'm glad with this time it's given Wanda time to somewhat heal...
Of course...
I'm gonna need some time to recover... (Also I would like to request more red flashbacks please - that shit was cute as hell)
- M
Hey O,
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter :D
I haven't confirmed any deaths on this one yet but IF there is, it won't be the walking Mac I'm afraid.
R could be coming back with a girlfriend or not...who knows
I did originally end it earlier but I wasn't happy with it so rambled abit more hehe.
Thank you for reading and always love seeing your running commentary