- ghosted.

i think there's a flaw in my code catalina estella aguilar reality tv starlet

[lostghcst]

‘ i only know how to stab , punch , or skewer things . ’ freyja

‘ i only know how to stab , punch , or skewer things . ’

There was no surprise at Freyja’s words, Cat had long since known that this was what the other woman thought of herself. The panic in her eyes, the fear, whenever things were going well was too familiar for Cat not to recognize it. It was the expression of somebody who never had a good thing in their life last, who never experienced love without having it taken away too soon. This ache was one that she herself felt too, one that might have been numbed beneath years spent with Nik and Midas, but still raised its ugly head in the middle of sleepless nights. Normal people probably learned to trust in love and happiness during childhood, something that they had all been robbed off one way or another. Instead, it had left them with a severe lack of trust in fate and love. 

Grabbing Freyja’s hand, Cat pulled her closer, looking into her eyes with a look of urgency. Still, she was hoping that maybe one day she could get through to her, start healing her wounds bit by bit. Caressing the back of her hand with her thumb, she tried to decide on what to say. “These hands are only made for violence?” She asked, with a soft smile on her face. Turning the brunette’s hands in her own, she gave them a close inspection. “They seem to fit perfectly with mine though, see?” Her gaze travelled to Frejya’s eyes again, still holding on to her hand. “Do you want to know what I think?” She asked, taking Freyja’s hand and laying it on her chest, right over where her heart was beating a calm and steady rhythm. 

“I think you know how to be soft, how to love, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. The only thing you still have to figure out is how to trust in that.” Sighing, she pushed a strand of hair out of Freyja’s face, letting her hand rest against her cheek. “It’s hard for all of us though, so maybe at least you don’t have to feel so alone with that anymore.” 

[rpmemeandmusings]

halloween/fall starters ! 🎃

masterlist of autumn and halloween themed sentence starters! 

​❝ i made pumpkin cookies! want to try one? ❞

​❝ thanks for bringing me to this fall festival. ❞

​❝ let’s go to the fall carnival! ❞

​❝ let’s go get a pumpkin frappucino! ❞

​❝ do you wanna go walk in the leaves with me? ❞

❝ did you cut yourself carving the pumpkin? let me see it. ❞

​❝ how does my pumpkin look? ❞

​❝ we can go get hot chocolate after this movie? ❞

​❝ want to go to this halloween party with me after school? ❞

❝ stay still i’m almost done with your costume. ❞

​❝ let’s paint pumpkins. ❞

❝ hurry up! we’re going to be late for the costume party! ❞

❝ help me decorate! ❞

​❝ let’s open some windows, okay? ❞

​❝ it’s starting to rain… ❞

​❝ bring a jacket! ❞

​❝ i didn’t expect it to get so cold. can i borrow your jacket? ❞

​❝ do we really need to go to a pumpkin patch? can’t we just buy one at the store? ❞

​❝ let’s go pick pumpkins! ❞

​❝ it’s chilly out here, you need a coat. take mine. ❞

​❝ you sound sick. are you sick? ❞

​*throws leaves on your head*

*sneeze* ​❝ sorry, allergies. ❞

​❝ wanna go out for halloween? ❞

​❝ looks like it’s time to rake the leaves… ❞

​❝ let’s go get hot chocolate then go for a walk. ❞

​❝ let’s go trick-or-treating! ❞

❝ let’s go jump in the leaves! ❞

​❝ come in here where it’s dry! ❞

​❝ it’s dark?! already?! ❞

​❝ ooh it’s chilly out. ❞

​❝ please, enough with the pumpkin spice. ❞

​❝ good morning. no, don’t get up, it’s raining, let’s stay in bed a little longer… ❞

❝ did you hear about the werewolf/vampire/witch roaming around this town on halloween night? ❞

❝ let’s go to the haunted house! oh, please, please, please, please?! ❞

❝ i don’t get scared. i’m practically fearless. ❞

❝ did you hear that? ❞

❝ we have to get out of here! ❞

❝ are you going to hide in my shoulder the whole time? or actually watch the movie? ❞

❝ i’m not going in a graveyard. ❞

❝ what did you get? ❞

❝ want to trade candy? ❞

❝ i got a rock. ❞

❝ don’t blame me! it was your idea to come in here! ❞

❝ what are you going as for halloween this year? ❞

❝ i just can’t wait for halloween! ❞

❝ you should totally buy that costume! ❞

❝ trick or treat! ❞

❝ happy halloween! ❞

❝ happy fall! ❞

❝ i wanna make sure that my jack-o-lantern is the best! ❞

❝ i’ll race you through the corn maze! ❞

❝ that guy in the gorilla costume has been following us for the past ten blocks. ❞

❝ aww come on! it was a prank! ❞

❝ please, please, PLEASE no scary movie marathon! ❞

❝ that wasn’t funny! ❞

❝ i keep tripping over my costume. ❞

❝ i’m not sure we should go down that street. ❞

❝ no fair! your costume is getting you more candy. ❞

❝ faster! we need to get to all of the houses! ❞

❝ forget being ‘too old’ to trick or treat. i’m doing this forever! ❞

❝ i don’t like these woods. ❞

❝ i just saw something! ❞

❝ look at that intestine cake! ❞

​❝ i’ll trade you candy. ❞

❝ i’m a real vampire. ❞

❝ do you think stuff really happens on halloween? like..supernatural stuff. ❞

❝ i made us matching costumes! ❞

❝ i think i just saw something move outside your window…is someone watching us? ❞

❝ you’re not going to make me carve this pumpkin all by myself, are you? ❞

❝ did you hear there’s a masquerade ball this halloween? let’s go! ❞

❝ you shouldn’t go out there! ❞

❝ s-scared? me? i’m not..scared. ❞

[lostghcst]

ofcrimsonstains‌:

The clang behind him is piercing. It, and the wind from the crack in the door, chills him to the bone. A chill more grim than one brought on from a Russian winter storm. This chill cuts to the core and he knows he can’t leave now. Not when she stood maybe a couple feet behind him. Not when her voice makes his legs want to buckle and penetrates his heart, long defunct, as easily as a knife. It picks up in speed, too, but he can only keep his hand on the door in a crushing grip in an effort to ignore the way her voice made him feel. She sounded broken, and it has his soul blowing apart. Neither of them ever thought it would be him to make her feel that way again.

Silence, like a cancer, grows. There is little he could say to her in defense. He had no defense. He deserved every word she threw at him like a dagger dipped in poison. Nothing he faced in Russia hurt like this. But, he finds himself fixating on a single word. Easy. She says it so simply. As if it were true. As if it were capable of bubbling down to that one small word — easy.

“Not easy.” It was never easy. Leaving her was the hardest thing he has ever had to do. It’s even worse considering he left to return to the people who took the one person he cherished most from him. They killed his sister, and he had to go back to killing for them. He had to bite back all of his desire for revenge for Freyja. He had to bide his time for months, killing for those monsters, before he ripped them apart limb by satisfying limb in a moment of absolution. A moment of knowing they would never have him again nor the people he cares about. Or so he would have thought, but Freyja chose to stay still. They still had her. He closes the door. “I had nothing. I felt nothing.” He still doesn’t. All he felt since leaving for Russia was a roaring fury trying to quell a lifetime of pain until it turned into nothing. Endless, echoing nothing. And it never goes away, always lurking in him, suffocating even as he just stands there staring at the door. Not easy, he repeats in his thoughts. Not just because he lost Catalina, but also because he lost himself in the process and he doesn’t know how to get that person back again. Or if he even can.

Maybe it had been a foolish plan from the first, a stupid thing to place her trust into, for two broken people to be able to fix each other. Maybe the thing to surprise her shouldn’t have been him leaving and her falling apart but rather that it had worked so well for so long. Looking back now it seemed stupid of her to think that there could be such a thing as a happy ending for herself. Yet that hope apparently had been the only thing keeping her alive, keeping her human. These days she felt more like a ghost than a human again, having returned to her old ways of coping with the sheer pain of her own existence. Her dependence on the other was just another point to add to the long list of things that made her never want to look into a mirror again. 

Seeing the way he was brutally holding on to the doorframe, she thought he was probably frustrated at not being able to leave without a sound, now that she had caught him. Her bare feet were freezing on the cold floor but she barely paid any attention to it, all she could do was stare at his back. She wasn’t even sure whether she wanted him to turn around, whether she would be able to look into his eyes. They used to be so full of warmth and love whenever he looked at her, she was never unsure of him because all she needed to do was to look at him in order to see her own feelings mirrored in his eyes. Now she was scared of them being gone, scared of him turning around and seeing how broken she was while he was okay. 

Still, his words made the anger rise in her chest once more, pushing away the fear and the overwhelming feeling of being lost. He had pushed the door close so apparently, he at least wasn’t planning on immediately leaving again. “It certainly seemed easy enough, leaving without a word. You took the easy way out because you couldn’t look me in the eyes and turn your back on me. So you did not only break all your promises, but you also took the cowards way of doing so.” Some part of her wanted to hurt him just as badly as he had hurt her, even though she wasn’t sure that could be accomplished. It was, however, the only thing that kept her standing upright, the only fire burning within the dark nothingness inside her.  “You had nothing? Felt nothing?” She asked, taking a couple of steps closer to him, now daring him to turn around and face her. “At least you had a choice, Nik. Something you never gave me.” Her voice was now getting steadier, her tone harsher. “You just left me alone in a life you promised you would build with me, in a city I barely knew, with people still out for my life. You left me vulnerable and alone and I still have no idea why you felt you had to do that.” Talking to his back had become more and more frustrating so now she laid a hand on his arm, trying to push him to turn around. “Fucking look at me, Nik!” 

[lostghcst]

reginalupus‌:

Her fingers tightening against Catalina’s, Freyja’s eyes briefly shut as she stood there to intake the moment. She wanted to never let go, for them to be like this forever. What a thought. Eternal happiness had once seemed like such a foreign concept, but perhaps; just perhaps she would have this. “Not as good as you do.” She murmured back as she began to chuckle lightly at Catalina’s words, as she replied teasingly, “Well I’m going to hold you to that when you eat burnt food, clean plate and all.” Her thoughts all lost of cooking and of the person holding her, she began to lean into the other’s figure as she marvelled at how damned lucky she had been to receive so many chance from this girl, from the others — their understanding of her skittish nature, one who had never quite trusted to let others in. Perhaps she must have done something right in a past life. “Oh is that so?” She asked with a raised eyebrow as she finally disentangled herself from the other as she replied, “Well then, I guess we better add that ingredient to the breakfast then, hm?”

Chuckling at Freyja’s teasing, Cat just shrugged her shoulders in feigned indifference. In all honesty, she was probably the pickiest eater within the house, having grown up with a professional chef cooking for her each day, it was only one of the departments she had been hopelessly spoiled in.  “The things we do for love.” She replied with an overly dramatized sigh. “Though I do sincerely doubt you’re going to burn this... unless I manage to distract you properly.” Her mood for once was too good to be dimmed by any of her darker thoughts. For once her life felt bright, soft and utterly manageable considering the most difficult thing on her mind right now is keeping her hands of Freyja as to not ruin the entire kitchen as well as breakfast. “I guess so. I mean we don’t make the rules.” Standing up on her tiptoes, she leaned forward, unable to tame the smile spreading on her lips. “I can’t believe I get to do this every day now” She mumbled, before pressing a careful kiss onto Freyja’s lips, tasting the morning coffee she must have already had. “That’s what I was talking about.” Her lips only left the other girl’s for a second before pulling her in again, now kissing her more passionately. Breakfast would have to wait for just a minute. 

[lostghcst]

‘ how are you ? how’s your butt ? ’

Standing in front of the mirror, inside her walk-in wardrobe, Cat tried to decide what to wear for tonights gala. There were several dresses that had been sent to her by different designers and while she usually decided over things like this earlier, she didn’t have time to make the final decision until now. The rest of the day from the moment she’d decide would be filled with getting her hair and makeup done until they’d have to leave. Before that she should probably figure out what charity this was for, to avoid awkward conversations. For some reason people at those events took it rather serious when you talked about child cancer the entire night when truly the foundation was for animal shelters. 

She was just trying all kinds of acrobatics in order to zip up her dress herself, when Nik showed up in the doorframe, looking at her with an amused grin on his face. His gaze traveled up and down her frame, making Cat raise her eyebrows at him in question. “How are you? How’s your butt?” He asked, definitely in a good mood if he was up for teasing. Turning in order to see her own butt in the dress she was wearing, she mirrored his grin. “Looking rather spectacular I would say. Even though you most definitely left your mark last night, if that is what you’re referring to. ” Turning back around she motioned for him to step closer. “Zip me up?” She asked, lifting up her hair so that it wouldn’t get caught in the zipper. “I’m still undecided on whether I’ll chose this one or the red one over there.” She explained while motioning to the other dress with her chin. She could feel his fingers grazing her back slightly as he slowly zipped the dress up and shivered a little. How much rather she would have grabbed his hand and dragged him back to the bed she had struggled so much to leave this morning. 

“I could show it to you if you…” Her breath got stuck in her throat when he finished zipping her dress up all the way, and started to instead let his hands travel over her bare shoulders and arms while bowing down to press a kiss to her neck. Leaning back against him, she closed her eyes for a second, wishing she could live her life simply the way she wanted to, in which case she would definitely not leave the house anytime soon. “I need to get ready Nik.” She warned him instead, not quite able to make her voice sound as stern as it should have probably been. Standing up straight again, she turned around and a new idea formed in her mind, accompanied with a smirk on her lips. “I could however give you a little fashion show of my different choices.” 

[katledison]

[lostghcst]

reginalupus‌:

Freyja had found herself not being able to sleep that night, restlessly tossing and turning in a flood of nightmares that spread from losing the trio to having them never forgive her for the many wrongs that she had committed. Yet every time she arose to find herself next to the others had quietened her racing heartbeat, a small smile appearing upon her features when she remembered just how truly lucky and blessed she had been to find such humans as these. Her hand stirring one of the bowls whilst her powers mixed the other with a flurry of wind appearing from nothingness, her smile began to widen as she realised Cat was in the room beside her. “Well can’t say I’ll be Martha Stewart anytime soon, but I can cook some mean eggs.” She replied with a small chuckle before setting the bowl down to wrap her arms around the ones that had suddenly appeared around her waist. “Well then I guess I’ll just have to do it more often then.”

Laying her head against Freyja’s shoulder, Cat took a deep breath in. “You smeel so nice.” She muttered, unable to stop herself from smiling before she chuckled at the other girl’s words. “I haven’t had many people cook me breakfast, aside from if they’re getting paid for it, so I’m going to be impressed not matter how it tastes.” Ever since Cat had forgiven Freyja and Nik for leaving, she found her heart felt like bursting whenever she saw them. It was truly the best feeling in the world, even though there were moments when the thought of maybe one day losing it again scared her more than anything else would ever be able to. Trying to banish those thoughts from her mind, she stepped next to Freyja, looking at her work so far. “You’re going to regret having said that the next time I wake you to make me those eggs again, which I will definitely do now that you offered.” With a teasing smirk playing on her lips, she turned around and leaned against the kitchen counter, her head still turned to look at Freyja. “You wanna know what is an essential ingredient for a good breakfast? Kissing.” 

[erika-writes]

[lostghcst]

Midas: You know too much caffeine can stunt your growth.

Cat: *gesturing to herself* Does this look stunted to you?

Midas: Yes, yes it does.

[ofcrimsonstains]

where: Athos :: Mansion — Front Parlor when: Returning from Russia who: @lostghcst

He’s beaten. Tired, too. In a city of ice, snowing falling in his hair, he finally got his answers. And the weight of those answers splintered him into thousands of pieces. All the hope he carried was expended. The fears he fought devoured him. He was theirs. He will always be theirs. Even when he thought he got out, Bratva found a way to bring him back in. And for what? To protect all he held so dear by leaving them in the past. 

Could he even say it was worth it? All he saw was slivers of himself dissipating as those harden lines return to his face. All those mornings of gentle laughter with soft light pouring along smooth skin was replaced by a chattering teeth and fresh scars. And now, standing here in the parlor, the door creaking behind him the only noise filling a space once full of chatter spikes a jolt of discomfort in him. He did this. He stole the joy from every crevice of this house, and now he can’t even take another step in. He stays rooted by the door, the breeze blasting against his back from the small crack of a door still not fully closed. He should just go. He almost does; turning back to face the door and curl calloused fingers around the edge of the door, its jerky movements from the wind ceasing. But he finds himself caught between going and staying. From escaping back under the pale moon or snaking his way back under the warmth of his bed sheets. That is, if he still had a bed. 

[lostghcst]

Ever since Nik and Freyja had left Cat had returned to her original way of sleeping so lightly that she woke up at the slightest of sounds, if she slept at all. Last night she had apparently fallen asleep on the couch, something that happened more often than she would like to admit. All the beds in this eerily big house were filled with too many memories. Memories that had originally been the happiest she could think of but that had quickly turned into the most painful reminder of what she had lost. Well not lost, what had left her.

When the door creaked now, it instantly woke her up, making her grab the knife laying on the couch table. She didn’t use to keep weapons close but just like many other things that had changed a few months into being without her usual protectors. The knife had proven itself useful a couple of times already and Cat wasn’t scared to use it. Of course, she wasn’t nearly as good at it as Freyja but it did its job. Using her powers to make herself and the knife completely invisible came as easily as breathing, as she slowly made her way into the entrance hall. She was expecting a thief, somebody who saw the decadence of the house and had somehow forced their way in. Instead, when she stepped through the door into the hall her gaze found somebody already on their way out again. It took a moment until she realized who’s back she was looking at and shock paralyzed her entire body. It was the noise of knife falling out of her hand and clattering onto the floor that helped her to regain at least a little bit of her composure. Dropping the veil of invisibility she took several steps forward.

“On your way out again already, are you?” She said, hoping her voice would sound calm and collected instead of shaky and breathless. It had always been so easy to be vulnerable around him, easier than it had ever been with anyone else but now? Now she willed her voice to sound cold as to not reveal what was going on, how fast her heart had started beating upon recognizing him. “Guess I shouldn’t be so surprised... it seems easy for you to leave this place after all.” She was talking about the house but what she truly meant was her, she was who he shouldn’t have been able to leave behind.

[lostghcst]

Freyja: Would you please stop staring dramatically off into the distance while I'm talking to you?

Nik: *stares dramatically off into the distance* I don't know what you're talking about.

[lostghcst]

Midas: Do you ever wish you could block people in real life?

Cat: Restraining order.

Nik: Murder.

[reginalupus]

where: athos, in the kitchen of their compound when: two months since freyja finally returned home who: open starter for midas, nik & cat

A small hum escaping Freyja’s lips, she continued to stir the bowl to follow the recipe as her feet dangled from the bench. How long had it been since she had felt so content, so unafraid of her next move, with no need need for calculating the deaths of her enemies? It felt like it was a lifetime ago, and she was forever thankful. For her to be able to have a glimpse of happiness. For the people in her life who had forgiven her of her trespasses, her sins — many of which she had committed, yet them choosing to overlook them. For the three people barring Maeve who seemed to complete her, making her feel such love that she had never quite discovered before. A small smile appearing upon her lips as she set the bowl down, she turned to the person she had sensed watching her as she remarked, “Thought I’d cook breakfast, since I woke up early.”

[lostghcst]

Cat had expected to be the last one leaving her bed this morning, as always, however the only noise she could make out in the entire house came from the kitchen. Still unable to fully open her eyes, Cat made her way there, her barefeet barely making any sound so Freyja didn’t hear her coming in. Leaning agains the doorframe, Cat watched her humming and stirring, the smile on her face warming Cat’s heart. When Freyja finally turned around, smiling and with flour on her shirt, and explained that she was making breakfast Cat raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Turning all domestic on us now, huh?” She asked in a slightly teasing tone, grinning at the thought of how much their lifes had changed in the last months. Walking up to her girlfriend, she layed her arms around the brunettes waist, biting her lower lip as she looked up at her. “Can’t say that I’m not enjoying it though.” 

[only1-deactivated20210531]

Diane Guerrero on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

[justleavemebreathless]

[emiliaaclarke]

[yasasinkafein]