you gotta look out for yourself right?

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[lostsyren]

⟢ syren ⟢ 22 ⟢ she/her ⟢

꩜ .ᐟ FICS ꩜ .ᐟ DRABBLES ꩜ .ᐟ AO3 ꩜ .ᐟ TIKTOK ꩜ .ᐟ

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[lostsyren]

I miss her

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In s2 with Ward gone, the entire house was walking on egg shells around Rafe.

Sarah was obviously terrified of stepping foot inside Tannyhill at the same time as him, Rose was also clearly afraid of him and even in that scene where Rafe is “helping” Wheezie pack her bags, she was also kinda wary of him. Even though Sarah doesn’t tell her about all the shit he’s done, Wheezie could sense Sarah was scared of Rafe, hence her being fearful of what Rafe would do if he caught Sarah in his room.

And it makes me think…I wonder how life would look for the Cameron girls if Ward actually died? Would Sarah eventually confide in Rose? Would they work together to get rid of Rafe and put him behind bars or get him some help? Because if they’re all on the same page (more or less) about him, then I think they’d all agree something needs to be done.

I know that scene of Rose drugging Sarah is iffy, but Sarah hyperventilating and Rose being clearly sympathetic while they both agree that they need to turn Rafe in was oddly touching to me. And I wonder what their relationship would’ve looked like in the long run if Ward stayed dead. Because the only reason Rose was keeping Rafe around was because of Ward.

I had to do whatever it takes to keep this family together.

Rose and Sarah have such a raw moment with each other and then ofc Rose repeats Ward’s exact line about keeping the family together even though she was always the one who had the foresight to predict things weren’t going to work out. Not everyone was going to survive. Yet here she is, undermining her own logic at the behest of Ward. Endangering Sarah and supporting Rafe, acting as Ward’s proxy. For all her logic and rationale, she still does love her husband :(

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I dislike obx’s weird obsession with making all the couples get married when they’re all basically still kids. I’m glad they cut the JJ and Kiara (rumoured) engagement and I hope they’ll cut the (rumoured) Pope and Cleo one too.

But I like the idea of both of the Cameron siblings being the ones to propose. Rafe putting a ring on Sofia and Sarah suggesting her and John B get married impulsively. Both of them also having relatively short relationships with John B and Sofia but disregarding all that and jumping into a lifelong commitment with the first person they could trust.

It says a lot about how they view relationships…how badly losing Ward impacted them that they immediately created a new family structure. How Ward shoved the idea of family being everything and when that family structure disintegrated, both Rafe and Sarah needed a tangible manifestation of that structure to latch on to.

None of the other characters have enough reason to get married that young, but with Rafe and Sarah it makes sense. They’re so affected by their dysfunctional family unit which prioritised such a warped view of loyalty and love…they just want reassurance that their future partner will be with them for life.

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Kiara didn’t go to school that one time while the boys did because (aside from skipping the geometry test) she wanted the house to herself so she could sneak in her pogue situationship without anyone finding out.

She realises she doesn’t like guys after her messy breakup with Pope, she’s been kicked out of her home by her parents… it’s the perfect storm for some girl on girl experimenting.

So, Kiara hits up the pretty waitress at the country club who she’s lowkey been crushing on ever since becoming a member.

And that’s how Sofia ends up with her uniform strewn across the floor of the chateau with that one kook girl who’d always watch at her whilst she worked. She thought Kie would live in those big houses out on figure 8. Good thing Sofia’s always hidden disappointment well. And besides, Kiara’s too busy staring at her tits to sense anything amiss.

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Pope being able to throw a punch at his father. Having to hold himself back to not throw another. All the while Heyward is goading him to do it again, clearly upset.

Oh you a man now?

Pope having all this repressed shame and anger that he couldn’t be the son his father wanted, and it bubbling out as violence when Heyward confronts him. He was meant to be more that this…that interview was his chance to finally make Heyward proud, but here he is stealing gas from his father instead, always taking and never giving anything back in return.

You take everything son. You already have.

It says a lot about Pope. About the pressure he feels. This persistent tension inside of him, pressing down on him. That he has to be what everyone else wants him to be. The perfect son who escapes the cut and pogue life. The perfect man for Kie who can be there for her in all the right ways. The perfect friend for John B who knows what to do every single time.

Him punching Heyward was the culmination of all that pressure. When he realises he couldn’t be what anyone wanted him to be. He didn’t get the scholarship, he didn’t get the girl, he didn’t get the gold.

Violence is the aftermath of losing all sense of himself.

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I cba to write sometimes, but when I go through the Sofia tag on ao3 and see her used as character fodder again and again and again where she’s probably the l overbearing annoying girlfriend who Rafe’s just using to run away from his feelings for someone else, I’m instilled with such rage, I feel compelled to combat that blight ASAP.

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Obsessed with the way Ward’s voice changes. He’s sometimes incredibly soft spoken and then he yells really harshly. And the change is so striking. I can understand how he had everyone on that island wrapped around his finger. He speaks in a way that makes you want to believe him. And then when he changes up on you, you’re left wondering what the hell just happened.

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Rewatching s2 and having Sarah be brought back to life after a gun shot and then the scene right after is Kie being threatened with boarding school encapsulates the reason why I think so many people dislike Kie.

Everyone else is dealing with shit that is objectively worse than her situation. Abusive and absent parents, generational traumas, financial difficulties…but the writers never give her the opportunity to be self aware. And when her whole schtick is being a socially conscientious activist who always strives to do the right thing, it gets kinda grating watching her fail to be conscious of her privilege.

I’m not saying they should’ve given her more trauma or whatever so it’s all equally divvied out between them because that’s stupid. But whenever the pogues bring up the fact that she is a kook, she has parents who care about her, she has something to fall back on, (all valid and objectively true points) she just freezes and acts like they slapped her in the face.

It would’ve been nice to see her actually reckon with this disparity and eventually have an arc where she learns to be more self-aware. And realise being a pogue is not just a visual/self-proclaimed marker. It is very much a real cultural signifier that she doesn’t fit into. And have her finally accept that.

[lostsyren]

chasing gold

{summary: a cleo x sarah drabble from season 2 episode 2 the morning before the heist. cleo’s pov}

{a/n: rewatching s2 and i forgot how buzzy they were. they’re so underrated. and i also wanted to get in cleo’s head a bit. she was my fav in this season}

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It was the day of the heist and Cleo awoke to a sky still full of stars.

Dawn was fast approaching and the plan was already underway. Terrance had left to secure the props they needed— road signs, high-vis jackets, hard hats. 400 mil was on the line. This shit needed to look believable.

Cleo crawled out of her makeshift bed. They’d been using the abandoned house Stubbs had scouted as base, so with the luxury of time, she settled. An old chaise lounge decorated with borrowed blankets was her bunk for the hot Bahamian nights. She’d dragged it to the open window so she could watch the silk-cotton trees quiver as the horizon burned like fire every sunset.

Home was a foreign concept to Cleo, but whenever she lingered too long, she could feel her roots intertwine with the ground, begging her to stop so a place could finally embrace her whole.

She pushed away the thought and rubbed sleep from her eyes.

As she scanned her meagre collection of clothes, Cleo's thoughts wandered to the pretty gal sleeping across the hall.

Sarah Sarah Sarah.

She toyed with the feel of her name on her tongue, whispered in the half light.

Cleo spotted a flash of colour peeking through dark pants and tank tops she’d amassed from washing lines and flea markets.

The yellow of sun-dyed cane stalks.

Dragging it out, she kneaded the soft fabric of the pullover between her thumb and forefinger. She then imagined her palms running through bright tendrils instead.

The yellow of sugar-sweet mango skin.

Stuck on a boat with a group of men took its toll on you. So when Sarah wandered on board, dripping wet like a mermaid from a sea shanty, Cleo had a hard time keeping her eyes off her. Especially when she dried off and began throwing her small smiles here and there.

Cleo never smiled back. You had to be hard if you wanted to survive as a woman in this world. She didn’t need some sweet thing coming in and messing her up again.

But after she talked with her yesterday as they walked the streets, dappled in late afternoon sun, Cleo let herself finally show teeth at the thought of her.

She threw on the sandy pullover and smoothed the fabric down on her skin.

The John B fella was wearing that frowsy, piss-yellow shirt and Sarah seemed to be down bad for him. Maybe this would catch her attention. And then Cleo could finally be a bit nicer to the gal and not snap at her like a hungry street dog.

She was gonna be 10 mil richer after all. She wouldn’t need to act all hard headed.

She could buy earrings made out of expensive stones, wear clothes just because they looked nice and find a pretty gal like Sarah to sink her roots into and call home. Maybe sink into Sarah herself and see if she still smiled when Cleo's hands gripped her golden hair.

The silk-cotton trees stretched out their limbs, winding like the backroads twisting through alleyways and gullys. Their branches whispered outside the open window as if they held secrets in their lush congregation.

She heard someone walk down the hall. It was probably John B. Cleo had memorised the sound of Sarah’s footsteps. Her gal was still fast asleep.

[lostsyren]

Hi! 🥰🙏💕 Still a Rafe and Sofia fan! Still love your fanfics! I still reread them from time to time when I miss them lol

idk if you’re still doing requests or not, but I came up with a fanfic idea for rafe and Sofia! 😍👍 after doing an outer banks rewatch, I realized that Rafe most likely never told Sofia about how he used to do drugs, addicted to cocaine, etc.

What if Sofia found out? 👀 Or accidentally caught him using when he was feeling overwhelmed or reckless? What would his reaction be to her catching him? What would hers be? As of right now, judging from season 4 at least, Rafe’s perspective is the less Sofia knows of his past, the better. Don’t know how that’ll work out well 😅 I feel like she’s gonna find out about everything eventually 🤷‍♀️

Hi! Ahhh thank youu :)💖 !! I appreciate it sm <3 !!

And idk. Maybe I’ll write this in the future but rn I’m not taking requests! Sorry!

But just generally, I personally headcanon him telling her about the drugs and her being aware he used to be heavily reliant on coke. Because yes, I agree he does hold the perspective that the less she knows the better, but at the same time, he uses her as an emotional crutch. And I think in his mind it’s like, well I’ve told her about some of my past, so technically that means I’m not lying. Like he thinks telling half the truth is basically telling the truth. He mostly just leaves out the murder bit, but confides in her about everything else. Sometimes when he’s telling her about giant gold crosses and the Royal Merchant, she thinks it was all one massive drug induced hallucination.

And she’d be fine with it. She’d mostly focus on the fact that he’s trusting her enough about these things. Like about the coke, about Ward and all the other shit he’s been afflicted with in his head. She’d just try and console him basically. And then try and sift through it all and decide how much of what he said was true.

But if she caught him sniffing a line or relapsing or something idk…I think she’d mostly just be upset. Like she’d think she wasn’t enough for him to stay clean and be super self-conscious about it. She’d have a very self-centred view on it…like what does him doing cocaine again mean for her? What does it mean for their relationship?

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John B coming into Sarah’s room with a gun and grabbing her like that…

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i love my boyfriend by princess chelsea is the most rafesofiabarry song ever

YES! I titled my topper/sofia fic a lyric from this song because it reminded me of Sofia. But listening to it with a rafebarrysofia lens?? ARGHH :((((

All of them being individually super unhappy, simultaneously wanting it all…and it just…never working out? Yeah. Emotional infidelity…actual infidelity…yeah.

And attention-seeker Sofia is so real. She wants to loved and adored and fawned over. She wants to be taken care of. She likes having Rafe there as someone steady and constant and safe. But she also loves the idea of something hot and new and fun with Barry.

The two sounds of the song too, the sing-songy regressive melody n quality (But I love my boyfriend / He is good to me / he's a good man / He takes care of me when I need it / He's the one I want to have children with)

And then the more grown-up and pragmatic and cynical bit of it too (I get bored, what a bummer / Craving the attention of a blazed-out drummer / Time moves fast, it's the year of the election / The blush-inducing rush of another man's affection /I don't care, I don't even know / I suppose I just wanted the attention)

…reminds me of the two sides to her. And how Rafe represents a highly idealised, sugary, childlike love and how he will happily indulge in delusion with her. While Barry represents someone more bodily and carnal and natural where he drags her back down to reality with his cynicism. And ofc she chooses the former.

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bro the thought of Rafe begging Sofia for some time to get it up like he did for the coke with Barry is so funny to me lmaooo like wdym u act ‘man of the house’ but really he’s so pathetic overgrown fratboy puppy 🥺

Exactlyyyy! Like the front he puts on is not real! The fact that he’s tryna pass it off as authentic shows just how far from whatever projected ideal he’s chosen for that day he actually is. And he literally disintegrates into a mess by the end of all the seasons, the mask dropping and pathetic, emotionally volatile, unstable Rafe resurfacing. It’s not like he showed up outta nowhere…he was always there !!

And yessss gimme messy, inexperienced, affectionate, guiding, unsure, unselfish rafia sex NOW. Likee he really lucked out with Sofia. Her babying him so he wouldn’t feel pressured and him eating that shit right up? Yep yep yep. After, of course, a brief unsuccessful first attempt where he was still pretending like he knew what he was doing and she was pretending she was into it. It was a long night.

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what are some songs you think would be on sofia’s playlist?

Arghh I’m not good with music but I’ll try my best😭 (like it’s hard to distinguish between songs that remind you of the characters and songs that they’d actually listen to, if that makes sense?)

How Soon Is Now? ~ The Smiths : Well canonically she’s into The Smiths (she has a sticker on her record player in her room. I can’t make out any of the other stickers! If anyone recognises them lmk!) So I headcanon her watching reruns of Charmed on the TV when she was a kid, and loving the opening credits and then discovering The Smiths through that cover. (You’d think she’d like more of the same typa music, but I can’t really imagine her listening to any other British rock banks of that time😭) (okay I was googling shit and apparently Mexican-Americans love Morrissey? I did not know that! Here’s a TikTok if you’re interested. So her parents coulda put her on?)

Donna ~ Ritchie Valens : okay I went down a rabbit hole of the greaser + pachuco subcultures she mentioned in the vid. I was only aware of it from the movie Grease, but (like most things) they whitewashed it, and real greasers were predominantly Italian-American and Mexican-American working class people/youth. So I can imagine Sofia adoring this vintage greaser aesthetic. She literally has a record player in her room bro. And she collects old records to play. This song fits the cutesy old-timey puppy love that she’s afflicted with.

Lo Que Siento ~ Cuco : It’s really pretty and dreamy and loved up and that reminds me of her. And Idk many Spanish songs but this one has a mix of Spanish and English that fits.

Off to the Races ~ Lana Del Rey : her romanticising her relationship with Rafe and the kook lifestyle bro…her manifestation mantra😭. (And not even just Rafe…like I can totally imagine her feinding for an older sugar daddy typa guy, watching them from the sidelines at the Country Club, wanting to get access to the lifestyle they could provide). And I don’t think she’d be a hardcore Lana girly… she just has a couple of favs that she loves (like Venice Bitch, Bartender [duh] Happiness is a Butterfly …mostly just NFR I think)

Hurricane ~ Halsey : okay I was trying to decide what pop girly she’d primarily be into. And like, she’s 21-23 ish, so I don’t think it’d be anyone newer. And then I thought of Halsey…Like I can so totally imagine her having an grungier, alternative phase when she was younger, dying her hair some funky colour (my vote is pastel pink) and that’s why she has such short hair while her sisters have longer hair (she had to chop it all off when the bleach fried it). And this song especially. The whole I’m a wanderess I’m a one night stand…don’t belong to no man…and her then being tied to Rafe and clocking that she doesn’t need that shit and selling him out? Yeah. And then like Colors, New Americana…anything from Badlands.

NOTYPE ~ FLVCKKA : got recommended this song because it gave bafia vibes. But I also think Sofia would actually fw it! Like she def has some reggaeton/Latin trap music on her playlist too. Those are her ‘cool girl’ songs when she gets the aux because it quickly gets people hype. And she can lean into the whole Latina mami schtick she sometimes entertains, whipping out the Spanish to sweet talk guys.

[lostsyren]

I just read like all of your Rafe and Sofia fics and they’re so good omg

Ahhhhh!! Thank youuuu :) I appreciate it <3 !!