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"love-vain" | Jewel • 2008. Photodiary. Musings. Cats. Neuropsych enthusiast.

[lovaijn]

I’m starting to realize that constantly letting things slide doesn’t protect my peace,, it just buries the original discomfort I already have with this person until it turns into resentment later on.. which is way worse!

Not everything deserves my patience anymore, especially when basic consideration is the bare minimum they could show.

[cozyvu]

[lovaijn]

When your life is being run by to-do lists that never really end...😮‍💨

[lovaijn]

📍 Ooma - BGC 🤤

[lovaijn]

Every sunset is breathtaking, but Manila bay sunset has its own magic.

[lovaijn]

Seriously, our gym branch is almost always packed during daytime that my husband and I only come at this time now... Hindi naman ganto dati (parang na-OA ata sa pag sign up ng memberships lately si branch.) Nakakaiyak kasi intayan pa sa pag gamit ng equipment 😶

[lovaijn]

🌿🍃.jpg

[calmkindofchaos]

minsan talaga feeling ko sa mga walang self awareness at accountability eh things need to be blown out of proportion kasi di sila makakaintindi hangga’t walang consequences. 🤡 kumbaga fuck around and find out hanggang makahanap ka ng katapat.

[lovaijn]

I really appreciate how my husband supports my journaling. In my past relationships, I wasn’t this open & I would tend to be shy about it. He doesn’t see this as "unproductive" or think that I’m too old for this, or that I should just spend my time on work, studying or being a "good homemaker" instead.

He respects my privacy when I write, and I can leave my journals lying around on my desk without worrying that he’ll be nosy. He is even happy to pay for premiums / upgrade features in some of my digital journals as long as it makes me happy & benefits my well-being (even when I resist and say I don't need it.)

I feel lucky to have him as these little (or big) gestures mean so much to me because they remind me that when I get to do things like this, I’m still in touch with my own identity.

[lovaijn]

One of my favorite authors is Najwa Zebian. I’ve built a small collection of her books over time. I also love listening to her podcast. Her topics deeply resonates with me, helping me navigate & understand what I'm going through esp in dealing with or walking away from toxic people.

Some of my favorite episodes include: 1)How to Heal from a Narcissist, 2)Stop Being Nice to People Who Aren’t Nice to You, and 3) Stop Being the Bigger Person.

Her book The Only Constant has been especially eye-opening for me. I haven't done reading it yet but even with just a few chapters in, so many of my thoughts & doubts started to make sense. It’s been empowering to feel validated and to finally choose myself without feeling guilty and realizing that it’s not selfishness, but just something I was conditioned to believe.

[lovaijn]

When you're packing and then suddenly...

[lovaijn]

So we made a little attempt at something new, a YouTube channel, mainly to document our travels. 🤍Nothing grand, just soft travels, the way we see things, the way we feel them.

Sharing this here, from the heart… whoever watches this, I hope it brings a little comfort.

[lovaijn]

Media log lately:

📚 Currently reading:

• Confessions of a Forty-Something F*cked Up - Really loving this funny yet somehow a bit deep than I expected!

• The Body Keeps the Score - Trying to digest this slowly because it's such a heavy read. But still fascinating & really useful for my research.

• Substack - My new hangout addiction (after Reddit, lol). I don’t even remember signing up here before, but lately I find myself checking in a couple of times a day, diving into more substantial, in-depth articles about creative living, slow living, gratitude, and the little things that make life pretty.

🍿 Currently (binge) watching:

F1 series on Netflix

Joan Didion: The Center Will Not Hold - Not the way I imagined, but yeah, it's still worth watching.

Travel vlogs & Gala Ni Ced on YT

Dua lipa interviews 🩷

🎧 Currently listening:

• Cat Clyde albums - Newly discovered favorite! I need to get back into my Spotify habit of discovering new songs; I’d forgotten how therapeutic it can be.

• Room for 2 by Dua Lipa

• Najwa Zebian podcast - For healing, mental health, therapy purposes🌻

March 21, 2026

[lovaijn]

Burning bridges.

March 20, 2026 | 15:50

One thing I’ve realized is ayoko na magpa-stress sa entitled na taong ’to. She has given us (me & my husband) so much unnecessary stress in our lives, especially these past few days. Lagi talagang sira ang araw ko, especially kapag kasama siya and unfortunately nadadamay si Pyke because he doesn’t like seeing me like this.

Wala talagang naidudulot ang mga toxic na tao, they give me no choice but to leave. I was nothing but nice to her, tapos bigla na lang siyang naging bastos. Again and again and again. (This person just literally smudged my entire face with her hand in front of everybody, in the Church! I am still shocked by what happened.)

I’m always stressed because of people like her, and every single time I let her get to me, she just wins. I feel like I’m wasting time, time I could have spent enjoying life. I’m not getting any younger, and I want the rest of my days, my life, to be intentionally lived in happiness. So I’m choosing that.

I’m lucky to have a loving husband who provides me with everything I need (and not to mention, spoils me!) I am more than blessed.

It just pains me that I sometimes forget I have these good things in my life whenever difficult people like her come our way. There are times I let them linger in my mind far longer than they deserve. Walang kwenta. I want to be able to reach a point & mindset where it’s easy for me to cut people off the moment I feel they’re a threat to my peace, to my nervous system.

The pleasing days are over. Either you like me or you don’t. Either you treat me well or you don’t. I’m tired of the gray area, always adjusting, always giving the benefit of the doubt.

[lovaijn]

1:08am. Can’t sleep.

Just me, this song on repeat, and thoughts that won’t stay quiet.

[lovaijn]

This.

[lovaijn]

I left a piece of my soul in Sagada.

Out of all the places I’ve been to, Sagada holds something special that makes me ache to go back (that I’m literally tempted to ask my husband to book a bus ticket again next week.) It feels like I’ve been chasing a certain feeling my whole life, and somehow I found it there.

I don’t know. Was it the postcard-perfect views, the kind that make you pause mid-step just to take it all in? Was it the cool mountain air that feels like a reset button for my lungs? Or the little moments of serendipity, like seeing rice terraces in real life, something I only used to read about in grade school, now right in front of me?

Or maybe it was the warmth of the locals and how the community holds so tightly to its culture and traditions. Or how right it feels to sip hot coffee while looking out over the mountains in the cold morning air. Or maybe it’s the way I got a glimpse of their slow rhythm of life, unhurried, simple, yet deeply content.

Or I guess it’s just all of it, everything intertwined.

Now that I’m back in the city, I can’t stop reliving the memories. Words fall short describing Sagada, and even the highest-resolution photos could never quite capture what it feels like to be there, to stand in it, to breathe it in, to exist in that moment.

But I do know this. This won’t be our last time visiting one of our favorite places in the world, Sagada.