Reader and Xaden have been together for years. Faithful for years, Violet comes along and does everything within her power to destroy their relationship and break them up because she feels like she’s entitled to X. When he finds out he looses his shit and well, can you figure out the rest?
Super angsty with a happy ending?
🥹
Please?! Your writings are amazing
Assumptions (Xaden Riorson x Reader)
(Credits to @cafekitsune for the dividers)
Summary: As time is taken away from them, doubt and paranoia worms its way in.
Content Warnings: Use of Y/N, first and third person POV, heavy mischaracterization of Violet Sorrengail, cursing, a high school student trying to write a relevant conversation about college work
Author's Note: To the person who requested this, I am so sorry this is late, but hopefully the length can make up for it. This has been sitting in my drafts for months and I finally got the motivation to finish it. Also, side note, I know I have taglists for series, but should I start a general one? Happy Reading!
(5.8k words)
“Go back to sleep,” a deep voice murmured softly.
Without having to open my eyes, I could tell that the room was dark — something I used to fear as a child but found comfort in now, because darkness meant shadows and shadows meant Xaden.
I could feel him shift in bed beside me, wrapping an arm around my body to pull me in closer.
The sounds of fabric shifting and the mattress slightly creaking broke the otherwise calm silence as I rested my head on his shoulder, placing a hand on Xaden’s sternum and feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath.
His skin was warm under mine as I let myself fall into his embrace, his presence — the only thing that was constant in my life.
He was always there — like an eternal vow of comfort and familiarity. No matter how far, or how distant he was, somehow he always managed to be there, no matter what.
“I can hear you thinking,” his voice was tinged with amusement despite the slight roughness of misuse.
“About you, if it makes you feel any better,” I replied, slowly giving up on the aspect of sleep for the next while.
“I’m flattered,” he said, his fingertips running up and down my spine soothingly.
He didn’t ask what I was thinking about him — years of conversations whispered under the stars on top of the turret back home dismissed any and all doubts. Although I wouldn’t hesitate telling him the truth anytime.
I pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, then his collarbone, trailing up his neck until I reached his mouth.
I could feel his lips curling up into an uncontrollable smile and I couldn’t help but smiling myself.
“What was that about?” he asked when I pulled away. “Not that I don’t love that mouth of yours.”
“Just because,” I replied, sitting up to sit on top of him, one leg on each side of his middle. “You never know what might happen, just wanna say that I love you.”
His gaze was heavy with sleep but light with love and his hands planted on my hips, anchoring me on top of him.
“I’m sure nothing is going to happen in the middle of the night,” he grinned.
The view was breathtaking. As much as I preferred Xaden’s personality — his loyalty, his humor, his intelligence — but his looks, his smile especially, could melt my bones.
“You never know,” I teased, leaning down to kiss him again.
He hummed and flipped us over, planting a forearm beside my head to support his weight.
“Yeah?” He smiled, peppering kisses all over my face. “You know what I think?” His other hand moved to brush my hair away from my face. “I think you just like kissing me.”
I laughed. “Can you blame me? You have a very talented mouth.”
“Do I?” He laughed with me.
“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I lightly poked his chest.
“Maybe, but I love hearing you say it,” his lips turned up into that little cocky smirk that made my stomach flip every damn time.
“You’re lucky I love you,” I teased, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Oh I know,” he replied, pressing a slow kiss to the side of my neck. “Luckiest man on the damned continent.”
My insides melted along with every rational thought in my brain as Xaden continued to kiss down my neck, but when he reached my collarbone I felt him freeze.
“Fuck,” I heard him murmur and he pushed himself up, getting out of bed and finding the nearest shirt.
“Xaden?” I sat up, watching him change the quickest I’ve seen him. “What’s going on?”
“Violet’s in trouble,” he said, not bothering to collect any of his blades strewn across the room as he cupped my cheek and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I love you,” he murmured before exiting, the door shutting behind him before I could even reply.
Silence hung heavily in the room, as Xaden’s footsteps retreated down the hall.
I sat there, feeling shocked and empty at how quick things had changed in a matter of minutes.
As seconds ticked by silently, I debated with myself the probability of Xaden needing backup.
I inhaled, the sharp intake the loudest sound in the room. Fuck it.
Pulling back the covers, I got out of bed and reached for my boots.
Exhaustion wracked Violet’s body as Xaden walked her back to her room, not only physically after the sneak attack in her sleep but also mentally, after discovering that Andarna had given her a second signet.
As they rounded the corner, she could see the figures of two people.
She tensed for a second. Was it more first-years come to kill her?
Then she recognized their silhouettes and eased slightly — it was only Garrick and… Y/N.
They were murmuring slightly as she approached them, although conversation stopped as soon as they noticed her and Xaden.
“What are you doing here?” Xaden asked, his tone anything but accusatory, but rather soft and concerned.
“I got anxious,” Y/N replied. “You left in a hurry.”
He pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. “You should be sleeping.”
“So should you,” she murmured, into his chest.
Violet’s stomach churned uncomfortably from watching the couple.
Her and Xaden’s lives were tied together, bound by a magic far more powerful and greater than any humankind had ever faced. It made more sense, in Violet’s heart and mind, that it should be them who were a couple.
Garrick strode back into Violet’s room and came out a couple moments later, helping Bodhi carry out the last body.
The corpse had a red ring around its neck from Xaden’s shadows suffocating the life out of it only half an hour before.
Xaden’s body shifted almost instinctively, shielding the girl in his arms from the sight — even though Violet knew that Y/N had definitely seen a dead body before.
Jealousy bubbled up in Violet’s gut, creating a lump in her throat and a bitter taste in her mouth.
It should be her who he was protecting, not Y/N. It wasn’t Y/N’s life who was tied to his. It was hers.
“Thank you,” she said to Garrick and Bodhi as they passed by.
“We should get going,” Xaden murmured to Y/N, although it was loud enough for Violet to hear. “You have that seminar tomorrow.”
Being the academic-overachiever that she was, Violet’s ears perked up. “What seminar?”
“It’s for signets specific to a form of bio-manipulation,” Y/N explained, so soft and patient Violet almost couldn’t believe that it was her who Xaden had chosen to be with when he needed someone equal to him — someone just as ruthless and cunning as he was.
“You could always swing by,” Y/N was saying. “Although you haven’t manifested yet, you never know.”
Violet offered the biggest smile she could muster, which wasn’t much. “Maybe, we’ll see.”
“Alright then,” Y/N offered a small smile in return. “Goodnight.”
She and Xaden linked hands and walked together down the hall back to the third-year dormitories.
Midstep Xaden reached down, hooked his forearm under her knees and scooped her up, carrying her bridal style with one arm with ease that said that he had done it multiple times before and tender care that said that he’d do it over and over and over again.
Y/N didn’t even say anything, just held onto his neck and leaned her head against his shoulder. All of her muscles relaxed as if it was in Xaden’s arms where she could truly and completely rest.
After they rounded the corner, Violet finally entered her room — silent and empty as it was when she’d last entered it but also had a lingering aura of settled chaos in the air.
Xaden had entered her room, and Violet would ensure that it wouldn’t be the last time.
“No matter what kind of magic you have,” I said to the group of fifteen cadets, “whether it be water, fire, storm or earth wielding, it all comes from the same place: nature.”
After the execution of Amber Mavis, Third Wing had been in disarray, trying to find an executive officer to replace the former who had risen to the title of wingleader. There had been several meetings with the section leaders, including myself to find someone suitable for the job.
“Our signets,” I continued, “are different from others. Pure magic comes from nature, it is manifested from the land and sky. We cannot bend or command it, but simply ask, guide and coax. It is unpredictable, reckless and mischievous when it wants to be, so we must balance it out with patience.”
I had taken the group to the forested valley where Threshing took place months ago. The sound of the babbling brook nearby and the wind softly caressing the leaves of the trees was peaceful and a completely different atmosphere from the constant loudness that was Basgiath.
“Water is the most temperamental, fire is the most uncontrollable, plants are the most playful,” I said. “The first thing is to connect with your element — reach out, familiarize with the feeling of it.”
Most of the cadets closed their eyes, their arms hanging by their sides like they were reaching out to the earth, some their bodies instinctively turning towards the nearby brook.
Some of them had a slight smile on their faces while the others had their brows scrunched in concentration.
“Extend a hand towards it mentally,” I said, “slowly. Otherwise—”
Suddenly, a nearby tree burst into flame, the fire licking up towards the sky as smoke began to fill the air.
“—That could happen,” I finished, reaching and splashing water from the stream to extinguish it.
One of the cadets flushed pink. “Sorry,” they said.
“You’re good,” I replied, smiling softly so that he wouldn’t feel bad. “Most of this is trial and error.”
I heard the slight rustle of leaves and my senses went on alert.
My shoulders slackened when a familiar figure stepped through the foliage.
“Wingleader Riorson.”
He gave me a smile as the other cadets turned around. They all did a double take — it wasn’t everyday for them to see the fearsome Wingleader smile so freely.
“Section Leader L/N,” he replied. The cadets quickly moved out of his way as he walked towards me, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me close.
I swear to Amari, no matter how many times he did that, it always gave me butterflies to be close to him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, the leather of his flight jacket warm beneath my palm as I placed them on his chest.
“Leadership’s been looking for you,” he said, placing a kiss on my forehead.
I almost told him not to do this in front of the cadets, but I knew he wouldn’t care and honestly, after feeling his warmth, I didn’t either.
“I also wanted to have another excuse to see you again,” Xaden added in a quieter tone, like it was a secret just between him and me.
“Aren’t I seeing you in an hour for sparring?” I tilted my head to the side.
“Also why I stopped by,” he murmured, “I have to train Violet tonight.”
I couldn’t hide my disappointment, it had been a while since we had sparred together — but I couldn’t blame him either, I knew what was riding on Violet’s survival at Basgiath and I couldn’t be selfish enough to ask Xaden to risk that for me.
“Alright,” I sighed, trying not to let my dismay leak into my voice.
He had enough on his shoulders without adding my worries on top of them.
“C’mon,” Xaden said, pulling away slightly to lead me out of the clearing. “I have a feeling I know exactly what Leadership wants from you.”
I shut the door behind me and rested my head against the wood — my heart was beating out of my chest from happiness, pride and anxiousness.
I played the moment over and over again in my head.
The large looming table, General Sorrengail in all her imperialness at the head, leadership from Third Wing sitting in their seats, Wingleaders from First, Second, Third and Fourth Wing looking at me with a mix of expectancy and satisfaction, Xaden kissing me afterward — telling me that he was so proud and that he loved me.
Gods, all of it made my head spin.
“So?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and saw Imogen, Garrick, Bodhi and Liam all huddled in my room, apparently waiting for my return.
I pursed my lips to keep from smiling, but it did no good.
“Guess who’s the new Executive Officer of Third Wing!” I squealed and I was met with the loudest and fullest celebration I’ve ever received from four people alone.
Bodhi charged at me, sweeping me off my feet in a hug as the rest cheered so loud I was pretty sure I was going to get noise complaints.
I laughed and cheered with them as Bodes set me down and Liam approached to hug me next.
“I knew you’d get it,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
“Thanks M,” I said, squeezing him tight before I felt a pair of shoulders under my thighs and I was being lifted into the air.
“Let’s go, motherfuckers!” Garrick shouted from below me as he lifted me on his shoulders.
I laughed uncontrollably as I tried to find my purchase.
“C’mon Garrick you’re hogging her,” Imogen said over the noise and Garrick obligingly lowered me to the ground.
“Never doubted you,” she said, hugging me tightly as soon as I was on my own two feet.
“Thanks, Gen,” I said, hugging her back tightly.
Although I knew that Xaden wouldn't be here — I still felt his absence like a void in the room.
It felt strange to be celebrating with all of our friends without him.
And apparently, my face gave away more than I hoped it had because Garrick placed a warm hand on my shoulder.
“He'll be back soon,” he reassured. “They're only going over the basics today.”
I didn't have the heart to tell Garrick that despite his kind words, Xaden’s absence was still a small weight on my chest. So I smiled the best I could and told him thanks.
Celebration eventually turned into the buzz of conversation as we all waited for dinnertime and I couldn't help but think that maybe Xaden training Violet would affect me more than I thought it would.
My head was pounding as I stared at the paragraph I had written and re-written for the past thirty minutes.
I had been working on my physics thesis for the past three hours and I was nowhere near finishing.
I tossed my pen in the inkwell a bit harsher than necessary before leaning back in my chair, groaning at the ceiling.
The sound of the door opening barely registered to me until I felt the soft press of a kiss to my hairline.
“Hi love,” I said as I turned in my chair.
“Physics still biting your ass?” he chuckled, unstrapping his shortswords from his back.
“Yes,” I said, massaging my temples, “I swear if I have to quote another theorem, I am going to combust.”
I felt an arm settle on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Xaden staring down at my paper, his eyes flitting left to right.
“Oh I remember this,” he murmured. “This thesis kicked my ass.”
That was saying a lot, considering just how smart I knew Xaden to be.
“Could you help me?” I asked, “I’m using a Tyrrish flight formation as an example but I cannot for the life of me remember the specifics.”
“Of course, love,” he said, pressing a chaste kiss to my cheek. “I just need to take care of a couple of things this week and I’m all yours.”
“I like that sound of that,” I grinned, facing towards him.
“Do you?” The smirk that he gave me made me forget all about my paper.
I leaned in and kissed him, soft and slow and hypnotizing. I felt everything all at once, his warmth, his weight and his absence when he pulled away.
“If I stay any longer, I don’t think I’m ever going to leave,” he said quietly, like it was a secret between the two of us.
He pulled away slowly, as if he were weighing the pros and cons in his head about staying. But in the end, he did walk towards the door. “I love you,” he said over his shoulder.
I made sure to echo the sentiment before the door slid shut with a soft click.
It was late into the night. The entire campus was quiet, except for the occasional gust of wind from my window which I kept open.
Everyone had cleared out from the night, leaving the room with the echoes of celebration and the deafening silence of Xaden’s absence.
I had been tossing and turning for the past hour, unused to sleeping alone.
Staring out into the open darkness, I could almost feel the weight of Xaden’s arm around my waist, the sensation of his hand resting on my ribcage so he could feel every inhale and exhale I made.
The complete and utter quiet of the room made the sound of the door handle turning louder than it should have been as I saw the crack of light from the open doorway bleed across the floor from my position on my side with my back to the door.
I quickly shut my eyes and slowed my breathing, pretending to be asleep.
The door slowly closed again before shutting with a soft click.
From the sounds of quiet shuffling, laces becoming undone before the thud of soles landing by the doorway, I could tell it was Xaden who had come back from his training with Violet.
The soft hiss of fabric sliding across skin was unmistakable as moments later, the covers on the opposite side of the bed was pulled back and the mattress dipped.
An arm wrapped around my waist from behind and pulled me against a bare chest. There was a rush of warm air at the base of my neck as Xaden sighed deeply, either tired, satisfied or maybe both.
I didn’t say anything, didn’t mention how much I missed his presence or how much I wanted him to just let Liam or Bodhi to train Violet. I just placed my hand on top of his and relaxed.
It wasn’t long before I started to drift off to sleep.
Weeks passed by faster and yet slower than usual.
The days blended together in routine until every moment felt predictable and monotone.
I woke up to find the bed cold every morning, the indent of where Xaden’s body had once been found in the creases of the sheets and every time I opened the door at the end of the day, I always hoped to find him sitting at the desk or throwing daggers at the target he got last winter, but the room was always dark, always cold, always empty.
I felt his absence constantly, the weight of his gaze when I got ready, the kiss we shared after lunch before we parted ways for the rest of the day, reading together in the evening before sleeping — it was all gone with a simple decision, a singular choice to sacrifice time for the greater good.
I could feel it in how my appetite would disappear days on end, my fork pushing my food around on my plate while the chatter of the hall was reduced to buzzing around me.
I ran my tongue over my teeth, trying to muster the incentive to eat, but my stomach turned just thinking about it.
I could see the concerned looks the rest of the group gave me, then at the empty seat beside me, then the empty seat of a first year table a couple back.
I could almost hear Xaden’s voice in my mind. He would take an apple from his plate, skin it, slice it and offer me the smallest piece first.
“Eat,” he’d say and I’d take the slice, because I’d try for him even if sometimes my body would reject it later.
My eyes went to the apple that I had cut on my plate — none of the slices seemed manageable right now.
I pushed the plate away and stood up wordlessly, going to get a glass of water.
I passed by the first year table, a noticeable seat empty beside one of the cadets.
“Where’s Violet?” One of the first years said as I walked past.
“Training with Riorson,” another replied.
“Sure. ‘Training’.” the first year replied. “They’re just making out in the gym and no one is going to stop them because it’s Xaden fucking Riorson.”
It shouldn’t have affected me the way it did, yet my steps hesitated as I retrieved my glass of water, my hands shaking just the slightest bit as I tipped the pitcher.
“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”
“Apparently, they’re on shaky terms — Violet brought her up once and all of her questions were answered with one word.”
I picked up the cup, the weight of it heavier than normal in my hands and started walking back to the table.
“So is he bored of her or something?”
“Violet told me last night, she and Riorson were apparently training late and he ended up on top of her, she swears he looked at her lips. Just imagine the tension.”
I diverted my path, placing the glass down on the first year’s table before heading towards the door.
I could hear someone mumble “oh shit” behind me as I walked briskly out of the dining hall.
I didn't know where I was going, just focused on the sound of my boot steps echoing as the chattering of the dining hall faded away at my back.
The sun was beginning to set, the golden rays warming my skin and then shadow cooling it as I passed by windows in the hall.
Sound was irrelevant, my surroundings past five feet of me were irrelevant, not when my stomach was churning from how fast my mind was racing.
Is he bored of her?
They’re on shaky terms.
It wasn’t that people knew details about our relationship, it was that the details were true. We were on shaky grounds, he was training with Violet last night.
So if those rumors were true, what about everything else?
Guilt and anxiety and fear swirled in my gut, my hands starting to shake uncontrollably.
I leaned against the nearest wall, trying to breathe and gather myself.
Since entering Basgiath, I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this weak, this vulnerable. I clenched my hands into fists, trying to stop the shaking.
I stayed there until I felt like I wasn’t going to retch and my legs weren’t going to give out under me.
Senses came back to me in fragments — the ground beneath my feet, solid and real, the stone wall underneath my fingertips, rough and textured, the sound of grunts and blows landing nearby.
When my head finally cleared, I recognized where I was.
The entrance to the sparring gym was beside me, the sounds of combat traversing through the open doorway.
I walked over and leaned against the threshold, surveying the room.
Most of Violet’s squad was there for the evening, the gym borrowed by their section leader.
Most were working on basics, manoeuvers with different weapons than just a sword, ways to get out of a headlock, simple.
Then one by one their attention was drawn to a spar taking place in the middle of the gym, where my own attention had gone as soon as I saw it.
Xaden and Garrick were caught in the middle of combat. Their shirts were discarded somewhere, exposing every upper body muscle flexing and rippling as they exchanged punches, kicks and blows.
It was hypnotizing — no hesitation, only brutal and ruthless focus.
Eventually a good chunk of men and women had stopped their spar to stare at the pair, their jaws dropped and their gaze tinted with more than just admiration and awe.
Usually I wouldn’t mind, a hint of pride blooming in my chest at the fact that I knew how it felt to have those muscles flex under my touch, to have that unwavering focus on me while others could only daydream.
But as I looked around the room and saw Violet was part of the oglers, a pang of hurt, but one that I expected in a way shot through me.
I backed away before anyone could notice me at the door and could spread more rumors that had already circulated.
The thing about being with Xaden was that while people were physically attracted to him, his reputation scared anyone off willing to dare — but Violet? Violet would dare. And while I had unwavering faith that Xaden wouldn’t make any advances on her, I was scared that his heart would move on to her.
I remembered when his presence felt like a guarantee, a promise, a home that I could always go back to. Now it felt more like a miracle than anything else, a dream, a wish.
Fuck I missed him. I missed waking up to him kissing me awake, his soft smile when I would run my fingers through his hair, the wicked little smirk when I would best him in a sparring match. I missed having him as my lover, my best friend, my confidant.
My heart squeezed in my chest and I felt it through my whole body, leaving me to wonder when or even if it was going to stop.
Xaden was tired, so fucking tired.
“Again,” he said, dropping Violet’s fist from where he had caught it.
“I’m never going to get it,” Violet complained, the words sounding whiny in his ears as her shoulders slouched in defeat.
He was tempted to agree, to call the training off and go back to his room, back to her — back to arms that felt like sanctuary, back to the laugh that Xaden would willingly drown in.
“You are,” he said, his voice sounding more unconvincing the more he said it. “You just have to practice. Again.”
Violet begrudgingly took her offensive stance again, raising her fist loosely before aiming a punch at his shoulder.
He caught it immediately, frustration bubbling up to the surface. “Are you even trying, Violet?”
Violet frowned, obvious hurt flashing in her eyes. “Of course I am.”
“You’re not,” Xaden inclined. “This is the fourth time I’ve told you this, your power comes from your hips, you have to rotate them to get your force.”
“Could you show me again?” Violet asked. “Guide me through the movement?”
He had to mentally stop himself from punching the nearest object, taking a second to collect himself before he did something he would regret.
“You know the movement,” he said slowly, enunciating every syllable. “You think I don’t know you’re stalling?”
“I’m n—”
“My agreement with your mother specified that I would try to help you survive here at Basgiath, not succeed,” Xaden interjected, the darkness outside of the windows becoming all the more reminder of how late it was getting. “If you don’t start learning the things I’m teaching you, I can’t prevent you from getting your neck snapped on the mat in a week, which, trust me, is going to be inconvenient for the both of us.”
Violet’s face lit up. “You think my life is valuable?”
Xaden understood what she was fishing for, he understood what she was trying to accomplish, which only served to frustrate him more.
“Your death will be something your mother will lord over my head for the rest of my life, which is something I do not look forward to,” he dropped her fist. “Again.”
Violet took a step back, shaking out her hand before muttering. “This is not what I planned would happen tonight.”
“And what exactly did you have planned for tonight?” Xaden sighed.
“A different type of rigorous activity,” Violet shot back. “I mean with all of the signs—”
“What. Signs.”
“I don’t understand why you can’t see it,” Violet crossed her arms, seeming frustrated for his being… what? Uncooperative? “I mean when I explained it to Rhi, she seemed to see the tension just fine—”
Xaden pinched the bridge of his nose. “What have you been saying about us, Violet?”
“That we have something, that we belonged together, I mean when Rhi told Ridoc, he thought that we had something too. I mean basically everyone thinks that we make out when we’re training.”
Xaden paused, his intuition telling him that something about the sentence was wrong. “Define ‘everyone’.”
“I don’t know, Xaden,” she said, exasperated beyond anything else, “maybe some other squads but nothing too— Hey!”
Before she even finished the sentence, Xaden was striding out of the room, one clear intent in mind.
If Violet had implied that she and him had been… involved — oh gods, what if Y/N had heard?
Concern and alarm rattled in his mind as he made his way to the dormitories. If she had heard the rumors, it would fucking eat at her.
And damn him if he let her spiral on her own.
“What the fuck are you doing out here?”
He didn’t need to shout, the wind carried his voice well enough.
I dangled my feet, the valley below seeming bottomless in the night. I knew he’d find me eventually, and there wasn’t another way I could think of to earn an opportunity to talk.
“You weren’t there when I went back to our room and when I asked Garrick, he told me that the last time he saw you was at dinner and that you didn’t eat at all. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
By the time I had stood up, Xaden had caught up to me on the Parapet.
The wind swept through his hair as it no doubt did to mine, sweeping through the stands and brushing against his forehead.
I had to catch myself on the instinct to brush it back.
“So you do go to our room,” I replied, trying to mask every single emotion battering in my mind that I have been contemplating in my mind for the past hour.
“What?” His eyes were wild — frustrated, concerned, scared.
“I almost thought you didn’t, considering that you never seem to inhabit it anymore.”
His eyes softened, his hands reaching out for me. “Y/N, please, can we just talk when we’re both on solid ground—”
“No,” I interjected. “If we get off the Parapet, you’re probably going to walk away from me again and I can’t take that chance. I need you here, now, so we’re not getting off the walkway of doom until you’ll listen to me.”
His hands stopped before they could touch me. He looked tired and a part of me felt guilty for being difficult, but I couldn’t afford to have him disappear again.
“Love, I’d never walk away from you,” Xaden said softly and I believed him, I really did.
“But you’re not walking towards me either,” I countered and my voice cracked as I wrestled with my emotions, to keep them down.
I thought I could do it without breaking, I somehow thought I could look him in the eyes and tell him everything I had been thinking, but it made it ten-times harder when I looked and saw my own devastation reflected back at me.
“Whenever I want you there, or I need you there, it’s always Garrick or Liam instead when it feels wrong without you. I know it sounds petty and selfish, but I haven’t been alone with you in weeks. I miss you so fucking much it hurts, Xaden. It hurts that you’ve been away for so long that I don’t expect to see you at dinner anymore. It hurts that I can’t tell you every little thing I saw that day that reminded me of you.”
He didn’t say a word, but somehow that made it worse. He just reached out and gently brushed his fingers against mine, I didn’t stop him but I didn’t react either when he took my hand in his.
“We don’t feel like a priority anymore, Xaden.”
He sucked in a breath, the only indication that my words had struck him.
“You will never not be a priority to me,” his voice was unwavering, solid and real and I had missed it so much. “Fuck, Y/N you’re everything. It’s just that Violet is taking forever to train and keeping her alive is like trying to get a bird to not fly into a window. I wake up every damned morning and it takes all of my control to not stay with you until you wake up and it hurts me when I come back and you’re already asleep because I didn’t get to see you smile or laugh that day. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I know,” I said and I squeezed his hand. “And I accept your apology.”
His shoulders sagged a bit at that and relief seemed to wash over him, he squeezed my hand back and took a step closer.
The breeze carried his smell, one that I more recently would bury my face in his side of the bed to catch before I started the day. It smelled like comfort and home, something I could melt into when life pressed in too hard at the edges.
“I missed you,” I confessed, the words almost too simple and yet carrying all of the weight that had stayed with me.
“I missed you too,” he murmured, lifting our joined hands to press a kiss to the inside of my wrist, then my knuckles. “Every damned second.”
I let myself breathe, inhale and exhale as I felt relief wash away my own paranoia.
He leaned in, ever so slowly — a question to which I answered without hesitation.
My heart almost gave out when my lips met his for the first time in months. The touch was like coming home, soft and sweet and oh so right.
Wind picked up against us as Xaden wrapped his other arm around my waist, tilting his head to deepen the kiss which only resulted in making my head dizzy and my heart light as the only sound heard for miles was the sound of a dragon roaring in the distance, celebrating being done with the angst-ridden thoughts of its rider.
school is simultaneously the place i love and hate the most. i can't wait to walk out of those gates for the last time and i can't stand the thought of never entering those gates again. it ruined my relationship with my parents. it gave me so many good friends and memories. i love it so much. it's intolerable and i somehow make it through the week. i don't want to walk down the halls with only memories of idle gossip and laughter in the same spot. i don't want to leave school. i don't want to grow up. i want to grow up and leave this house as soon as i can
