Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?
I’m sorry if my traumatized life is an inconvenience to your perfect existence.
You sick fucks. You’ve seen one too many movies!
You’ve gotta find me first you pansy-ass mama’s boy!
They’re all the same. Some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can’t act who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door. It’s insulting.
But this is life. This isn’t a movie.
I’m getting another beer. Want one?
Everybody dies but us. We get to carry on and plan the sequel, ‘cause—let’s face it, baby—these days, you gotta have a sequel.
I can’t, ____. You cut me too deep. I think I’m dying here, man.
She looked dead, man. Still does.
Ow! Fuckin’ hit me with the phone, dick!
Um, Houston, we have a problem!
I will totally protect you. Yo, I am so buff, I got you covered, girl.
See, it’s a fun game, ____. We ask you questions and if you get one wrong, boo-gah, you die.
What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m not a killer?
Mmm, corn syrup: same stuff they used for pigs’ blood in Carrie.
Now, ____, don’t you blame the movies; movies don’t create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!
It’s called subtlety, ___. You should look it up.
Well, I don’t really believe in motives ____; I mean did Norman Bates have a motive? Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? Don’t think so! See, it’s a lot scarier when there’s no motive.
____ and his penis don’t deserve you, okay?
Oh, please don’t kill me, Mr. Ghostface. I wanna be in the sequel!
There’s always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That’s the beauty of it all! Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience.
See, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay, I’ll see you in the kitchen with a knife.
The police are always off track with this shit! If they’d watch Prom Night, they’d save time! There’s a formula to it—a very simple formula!
My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!
Peer pressure. I’m far too sensitive.
BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay?
Never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, “I’ll be right back.” Because you won’t be back.
Oh, my God. ____ I thought you were dead.
I probably should be. I never thought I’d be so happy to be a virgin.
Never say “who’s there?” Don’t you watch scary movies? It’s a death wish. You might as well come out to investigate a strange noise or something.
If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath - would you be standing in the horror section?
That’s right. You gave it up. Now, you’re no longer a virgin. You’re not a virgin. Now you got to die. Those are the rules.
It certainly fucked you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.
If I’m right about this, I could save a man’s life. Do you know what that would do for my book sales?
Guess I remembered the safety that time, bastard.
Oh, God, ___. I’m sorry, but get off my fucking windshield!
Hey. It’s called tact, you fuck-rag.
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