Cheesing so hard watching Khari sat on the floor and waving his arms around, he has been in such good vibes and I am loving it. He has been dancing on the floor for the most part of the morning “he does a bum shuffle, you need to watch out for that move” I said to Joyce, I think the stages of his clinginess and teething might be over, most part of the reason why he was moody is teething. Khari clapped as Chris’ music video came on the TV, never seen him get so hype “he about to jump off the floor any minute, look at his excitement” Joyce gushed, Khari clapped again and looked at me “yes baby, that is daddy” I have no clue what he is thinking right now, he is just staring at me and gurgling some words. He turned back around to look at the TV, he pointed at the screen “da” grinning from ear to ear, this is cute “I think he is thinking why is he in there and not here” he soon quietened down and just watched the TV “I think he is confused on that end, least we know he will be a little dancer now” clapping my hands together myself.
Today is father’s day and I will be taking Khari with me to the meeting they are having, I am hoping it’s a meeting about Chris coming out but it is a special day for Chris and I don’t want him missing out on this. I have had a few things delivered to give as gifts, it’s been three days since leaving him there and Chris seems to be in good spirits but only god knows how he is really feeling, he didn’t want to go inside “Keeis, is Khari ok with you? Can I go upstairs and get dressed?” I questioned “yeah, we’ll be ok. He’s playing game with me” he’s quiet so he must be content with Keeis “ok, just bring him up if anything” closing the games room door, I need to get dressed so we can leave to see Chris.
Finally checking my phone, I rarely do check my phone because it is full of responsibilities meaning work to do. They should be happy I am actually starting to do the album in the first place, seeing a text from Jay Z. I wonder what he wants because honestly it’s never anything I want to hear, unlocking my phone and waiting for the message to load. Seeing that he sent me a link to TMZ, from that moment I knew it was nothing good and it would be something about Chris, I mean it does say my name on it and Chris’. Tapping the link rolling my eyes, I don’t want to read it but I still need to be in the know about shit. Walking over to my bed slowly seeing the link load up, scrolling down and reading ‘Chris Brown back in Rehab?’ letting out the biggest sigh of my life, why now. How the fuck do these people find things out, shaking my head scrolling down and seeing pictures of us hugging outside the place “I swear to god, this is fucked up” exiting the blog, I do not want to read that shit at all.
Placing my phone against my ear calling Jay, I don’t understand why he can’t look after his own family instead of looking out for mine “Rihanna, morning to you” I can honestly like Jay but when he does shit like this it pisses me off “morning, you are awake early. Snooping I see” I came out with it because this is cutting into my getting dressed time “it was bought to my attention so I bought it to yours” my mouth fell open “oh wow, I am clearly there so I know. I don’t need nothing to be bought to my attention” I was wishing this was kept private but I guess not, we was doing so well “but your name is being bought into this, clearly we all know why you aren’t working or doing anything. Denying work, denying the photoshoot that Puma did because you was stuck there! Because of him!” I know he is not shouting down the phone “so!? I am here for him and what the hell are you going to do about it? You mad I am supporting him? You never wanted me to ever support him in anything, I am done with you guys ruling my life, you either with me or not I don’t care anymore. I can make it alone, I don’t need you or Roc Nation remember that! God forbid your perfect life has any issues, this is my life and I wish you and those shitty blogs fuck off and leave me alone until I am ready to do things then I will. And please tell Jay Brown to not ever come to my house uninvited I will invite him when I want, I am done with being told what to do, I am done with not following my heart anymore” letting my words flow out, I honestly do not care if he wants me off Roc Nation anymore.
The silence between us was so thick, he is not happy “all I am saying Rihanna is that it looks bad, people don’t like him out there because he is an arrogant fool! He has you where he wants, the outside world see it. He has done nothing to win you back” scratching the back of my head closing my eyes “so you telling me anything Chris does he needs to let you all know right? So just like you and Bey do everything behind closed doors we can’t? Is that what it is? What the hell do you know what he does!?” waiting on an answer from him “good you don’t, now is there anything else? If you think my career is over then so be it because I have what I wanted all my life, my love and a baby. Goodbye” disconnecting the call, I am so over it and I do not care because I am seeing Chris, I am riding with him, we doing this together.
I have stayed away from everyone, just because I can’t ruin this. I can’t ruin this and ruin the fact they will want me to leave soon or maybe this week, I don’t know but it will be soon. I have never done this whole group therapy shit but I thought if I join they will see a change, Mary was so happy that I am actually joining. In a room full of idiots, that is how I like it. Lowering my snapback and looking down at the ground, I think I will sleep through it anyways “Chris has joined us today, would you like to introduce yourself” of course they would, lifting my snapback up “Hi I’m Chris” I said bluntly “no, come on stand up. You’re not shy are you?” the group leader said, I snorted “not really but you know” shrugging my shoulders, I guess I better stand up.
Pushing my snapback back as I scratched my head “uhm I’m Christopher Brown, from Virginia and I am here because I am forced to be” I ain’t even going to tell them my life story “thank you Chris, since this group has been running for so long you missed when everyone spoke on why they were here” rolling my eyes “do I have too?” I questioned, he shrugged “would be nice” they are monitoring me, dumb ass therapist is here “I’m here because I did stupid things while I was out there, I got bipolar and I am trying to learn how to deal with myself and my moods” sitting down in a huff, I don’t like openly admitting that at all but it is the truth “I know him!” L shouted, looking over at him “you do?” I said laughing “I thought you had memory loss?” I said, he pointed at me “he sings, he is famous. He is famous for beating up Rihanna” my face soon changed and everyone was staring at me “you don’t mean that” the group leader said, standing up “man, fuck this shit. Y’all some losers that will be here forever, fuck y’all motherfuckers” kicking the chair out of the way “no, don’t come near me. I want out, I want out of this place fuck you” pushing my therapist out of the way “Chris, he didn’t mean it, he is ill” walking out of the room.
I locked myself in my room, they been trying to get me out for a whole hour now “come on out Chris, this is not how we do things here. We trusted you with a key to your room” Mary shouted “I want Robyn! Get me her and leave me alone, actually get me my lawyer” I shouted back, I can’t believe that motherfucker said I was famous for that. Why did he have to say that and ruin my mood, shit was years ago why do people see me for that. Shit hurts me and plays on my mind, I want out now and they have to let me out.
Picking Khari out of his car seat, I want Chris to see him awake because it is Khari’ nap time coming up “you been dancing all morning, I can see the tiredness in your eyes” placing him on my hip and closing the car door “you want me to come in with you? I don’t feel right in not coming in” Marcus said “uhm, I guess yes. Come in” Joyce waited for me with the gifts for Chris in hand “ok, park the car AJ” Marcus passed him the keys walking off with us, I can’t wait to see him and for him to see Khari, he should be with us for father’s day but I am not complaining because he is doing so well and he is not locked away.
I was expecting to see Chris waiting in the hallway but he wasn’t “we will put you in this room until Mary or his therapist is free” stopping midway “ok, where is Chris? I don’t want to be waiting in a room for him to take ages, I want to see him now” I don’t like this place or these people just because they can manipulate Chris and put him on tests which I think is wrong, the guy froze looking around “they are coming, just we can’t have you walking around the hallway” I see a liar “yeah but I know Chris and I know him, he would be excited and here waiting so where is he? Has he done something wrong?” hearing his walkie talkie go off “we need to get Chris out, we need the spare keys please” tilting my head “I want to speak to Chris, where is he?” I am growing annoyed, feeling Khari rest his head on my shoulder “we should just wait in the room” Joyce said, shaking my head “take me to Chris, you can wait here” the guy does not know what to do “ok fine” he finally said, Marcus moved ahead of me “after you sir” I think the guy looks a little scared of Marcus.
How can I forget where Chris’ room is, this is where I gave him head and collected his tissues full of DNA. There stood a security guard, Mary and his therapist “uhm she shouldn’t be here” his therapist said, he can kiss my ass “what is happening here? I am here to see him” all of them silent, looking at each other “he locked himself in the room” Mary said, why would he even do this, pushing ahead of them “I will surely get him out” fixing Khari on my hip, if nobody going to be by his side and stick up for him then I need too, seems like Joyce is accepting whatever they do and Chris knows this, this is why he begged me.
Stood outside the door “Chris, baby it’s me, can you open the door. I am here to see you” I half shouted, I hope he does listen. Hearing a chair screech in his room and footsteps, hearing the door unlock. Moving back from the door “was that it?” I said, the door flew open “Robyn!?” he spat, smiling at me “you’re here” the disapproved looks on their faces “Chris we need to speak to you in private” his therapist said but clearly Chris don’t care, feeling him wrap his arms around me “I am so happy you are here! Awww man, look at you! And Khari” he stepped back “what’s good little man” kissing his head “he is tired but he came because today is daddy’s day for you, I knew this would make you happy” I said, Chris cooed “it’s father’s day?” he said so clueless “yes baby, Happy father’s day” Chris leaned down kissing my lips “thank you, this is a surprise. I am so happy! I knew you was coming but not with Khari” so good to see him happy.
Smiling at Khari on Chris’ lap “what are these he is eating?” Chris questioned bringing his head down and into Khari’ eye view, Khari’ hand is full of saliva from eating his corn snack “it’s some corn snack he likes” Khari bought his hand up to Chris’ face “you feeding daddy” Chris’ fat ass opened his mouth to eat it, pulling a face at Chris as half of Khari’ hand is in his mouth. Khari giggled and looked at me “he eating your hand” Chris let his hand go and Khari looked at his hand confused “here” passing him another one just for him to do the same thing “he is feeding you now” I said shaking my head, Chris is actually eating this “seriously, are you eating his snacks?” Chris nodded his head and opened his mouth at Khari “yum, that’s nice Khari. Saliva and snacks, favourite part of my day” least he is learning how to share his food.
I can tell on Chris’ face how happy he is, I am so glad I bought Khari with me “I got gifts” grabbing the bag and bringing it down to the side of me “you didn’t have too, you bought Khari and this is the greatest gift I need. I just wish I could actually spend a day with him but this is blessing” Khari is about to fall asleep now anyways “I can tell but I have to get you something, for being a great daddy. To me also” picking out the first box “I see what you mean now” he winked, opening the box “well you know I had to pull a few strings but I did it, nobody will ever have this Puma/Bape design and Khari has his version to match but here” holding the sweatshirt up “oh shit, that is so dope! Baby Khari, how you get that done?” he questioned, putting the top down on to my lap “well I asked Puma and then Bape agreed to the design and did it, I know how you like clothes, I also got you a bomber but I didn’t bring it in” digging back into the bag “honestly Robyn, I am happy you came. I didn’t really think of father’s day and you remembered so thank you” picking out the card, holding out the card “I want you to read it” I actually wrote this and I meant every word.
Pulling the card out of the envelope, placing the envelope at the side of me “oh wow, this picture is cute. When was this?” I questioned, I really don’t remember when she took that “you don’t remember? You’re so annoying, it was when you was in a good mood, I just find it so cute how you both are smiling, true happiness” I nodded in agreement “you’re right, I looked real happy there before I fucked up” opening the card “wait, did you write about yourself in this?” I said half laughing “shut up, well maybe, just read it. To yourself that is” she is so cute and all shy, staring at her hard she turned her head away. Looking down and reading to myself.
To, Chris (baby daddy, fiancé and soon to be husband)
Happy Father’s day Chris, I know it’s not the best situation on earth but I want to make sure I make it your best day, Khari is so blessed to have a dad like you, he just doesn’t know it yet. I know you and I know you feel as if you are not the best father on earth but trust me you are, you are the best, you can’t help with what you have and trust me I will be here for you, supporting you. You are going to be the man that teaches our son how to be a man, I want our son to grow up just like you because you are so precious, a heart of gold and I am so glad I get to feel that love from you. I always wanted you to be the father of my first child because I know how much of a good man you are, Khari will be growing up looking up to you, the man of many talents, he already looks at you with amazement. I can’t wait to see what our journey holds for us, I know it will be many more blessings.
Looking up at Robyn “you trying to make a nigga cry, these are thug tears aight” quickly flicking the tear away “that was beautiful, wow. Thank you Robyn, it means a lot because you are supporting me. Every day I am thinking of you and about getting out, I promise you I won’t let you down” Robyn got up from the chair and kissed my lips “it’s ok, I meant it. I can’t wait for us to start our journey, just us. I love you and I got you, you look after me and I am looking after you. You got me living like a princess, I have security men, my own personal car, I get chauffeured with my own bodyguard, you make me feel safe so trust me I will be here for you” Robyn wrapped her arms around my neck, I just need to get out of here “I see that little hint though, many more blessings” I said half laughing “just letting you know babe” I hope it won’t be more than three and that is pushing it.
I wonder what my mom has been talking about to my therapist, I only have Robyn supporting me because I think my mom is sick of me “did you both have a good time alone?” my therapist questioned sitting “yeah it was good” looking down at Khari asleep on my lap, his head resting against my arm “he is tired” stroking the side of his face “he is” looking up at my therapist “so we had a great chat” he pointed at my mom “did you tell Robyn why you locked yourself in your room?” shaking my head silently “we do not allow that to happen Chris, you can’t be doing that . Now I know you was upset but that cannot happen again, you will have your key taken off you now” kissing my teeth “well I won’t be going to that shit anymore, y’all be fucking with me and I know it, I ain’t a dumb ass. If L comes near me I will knock his ass out, I don’t give a fuck” my therapist opened my file up “I understand you don’t like your past thrown in your face and I am sorry it happened” shaking my head, they be pointing the finger at me, assholes.
Watching my therapist read my file, he is so quiet and I hate it. The door opened and there stood Steve, the other nurse that helps along “Chris” he half smiled at me as he sat down “let’s begin, so the reason I wanted this meeting is to have a plan and to be on the same boat as each other for when Chris comes out, we do not want the some episode. I have discussed this with Chris but he wasn’t happy and as I said to him his choices left him once he did what he did, now we are discussing Chris’ future, on how he deals with everyone and the whole world which can be hard for him when people deem you as a monster and I quote you on that Chris” chewing the inside of my cheek, he looked up at me “we are thinking of putting Chris permanently on mood stabilizer pills which will keep him balanced in everyday life, these the same tablets he has when he first comes into this place. It brings Chris all the way down so he is not always high and will sleep, Joyce agrees with me on this because she wants you to move on from this” shaking my head “please talk to us Chris don’t be silent” I hate this guy so much.
Blowing out air “y’all just trying to make me a robot or some shit, I am me. My mom is just as stupid as you, if you love me then why you want me to be that!?” I am so angry at my mom “are you stupid? I am living with it! Not you so what gives you the right, I am me and you want me to not be that, fuck y’all” Robyn placed her hand over my hand “Steve you see Chris for the most part, what is he like?” mean mugging my mom “he is a great guy but it takes one thing, it can be ever so little for him to explode. He is very easily irritated, like I said Chris is a great person and I can talk to him but his mood can change so quickly but then he will apologise to me. When I told him to stop doing something he told me to suck his dick and proceeded to walk outside and smoke and then told me sorry but that can’t happen can it Chris?” I try so hard, this is a losing battle “y’all win, I’m over it. Just give me it and let me go ok? You all win just please let me go now, just know you lost a son” I said to my mom.
I am done fighting with these people, I will always be wrong “we need to keep you in to make sure you do have them” I was so ready to storm out but then I realised my son is sleeping peacefully in my arms “Rihanna you have been quiet but how do you feel? He will be living with you and Khari which is important” my eyes bulged out “you think I would harm them!?” I spat, my therapist put his hand up “Chris, stop. You need to think before you act” I am ready to flip tables, I wish I could shoot him “I don’t agree to this, I was quiet because I was thinking. I don’t want to be living with a man that is acting and living like a robot, if Chris doesn’t sleep at night then that is him, he eventually comes to bed. I want him to be human so this whole thing I don’t agree with” she finally spoke “but Robyn what if he ever does this again and I am not around?” my mom said, why is she scaring Robyn for “then I will deal with it but I don’t think he will, he has me that believes in him. He went through a hard time because so much was happening and I understand, I understand him now, I learned to live with what he has got. Joyce I don’t agree” putting my head down looking at Khari.
The room is so eerily quiet now “I want Chris out, I spoke to my lawyer and the section you have him under he can appeal on the right to do so and leave” Robyn dug into her bag “like I said, I researched and thought about this and there is nothing wrong with him. He will have the usual medication but that is it, that is all” Robyn placed the enveloped letter on the desk and slid it over “I want him home, not today maybe but tomorrow. Please read it and my lawyer will be in contact but the law is the law” she shrugged “and you can read the act yourself, maybe next time you want to keep him hostage here put him on a higher section. We will still follow procedure with his medication but this is it, I want him home. I guess there is a flaw in the section act” staring at Robyn with my mouth hung open, she has just amazed me even more.
Grinning to myself, I don’t think these people knew that was coming but it happened “holy shit Robyn, how!?” Chris gasped in utter shock, shrugging my shoulders “I did a little research baby, I called my lawyer and he looked into it and found out that if I am taking custody of you then it’s fine, I am accepting responsibility if anything happens” it warms my heart to see Chris smiling “thank you so much baby! Thank you for supporting me, I don’t know what to say, they don’t either. They ran out of the room” laughing at Chris, he is giggling too hard “man, I just. I will be out of here today but if not then tomorrow, man I love you. I don’t know what I would do because if not then my mom would be having me like a robot!” Chris spat and glared at his mom “we over, I don’t want to know” frowning at Chris “Chris, don’t do that. Stop it, she is upset about it all. She doesn’t want you here again but I am here for you now” I don’t want his mom and him falling out.
With Khari over my shoulder, he is still asleep “we will put this through but tomorrow, for now he will have to stay here” his therapist said “and as you wish, he won’t be put on the medication but we will need to put his leave in action so tomorrow he will be fine to go home” smiling at Chris’ therapist “great, now you can stop talking to him like a piece of shit. When he says he is not a dumb ass he means it! He is not just anyone remember that shit, I think you got a little too big headed, don’t make me come for you especially when it comes to the father of my child” watching Chris walk over, smiling behind the therapist “is that all your dirty clothes? Give it Marcus and would you like me to come or just the boys to pick you up?” Chris shrugged “up to you, I don’t mind” walking over to Chris and reaching up to his face, wiping the side of his face “I left lipstick on your face, well I think I will come, I mean it. You better be good ok?” I feel like he has learned his lesson.
Chris walked us out “one more night, one more night of a lonely bed” turning around facing Chris “yes, one more night of a single bed for me” he cheered with arms up “I will warn you Chris but they know you are here” I nearly forget to tell him, his arms slowly fell down “who?” he questioned with a confused look “people, the outside world, fans. I tried Chris, they got pictures of us hugging outside, it’s fine though because I don’t care. Just get you out and then we will move on to the next thing, fuck everything else” I don’t want him feeling disheartened in coming out “aight, shit sucks. They going to think I am crazy again but it’s what ever, thanks for letting me know” Chris leaned down and kissed Khari’ head “have a safe travel home and tell Noella I said what’s up, I heard her loud ass in the background when I rang” smiling hard at Chris as I raised my arm and placing it around his neck “I will and see you tomorrow, I love you so much” pressing a kiss against his neck as I moved back, Chris kissed my lips “I love you too and bye mom” he added quickly, squinting my eyes at him, I won’t have him falling out with her but I shall leave it for now.
Sitting in the back of the SUV, the car is so quiet because Khari is asleep and Joyce is in her own thoughts. Logging onto my Instagram after neglecting it for months on end, I just don’t really see the point unless I am bored like now. Flicking down my timeline, makes me laugh how some people are still doing the same thing, I mean I guess I was too if I think back but they are still being hoodrats, I could never. I mean now I have a son I feel changed, in a weird way. Liking my own picture, I actually look good in this picture, print screening it for keepsake. Tapping the camera tab and scrolling though my library, stopping at a picture and the biggest smile grew on my face. I remember taking this selfie with Chris because it was after sex and he was tired but I kept on annoying him, I actually like this picture because I look so fresh faced. Tapping the picture and captioning it ‘Happy Father’s Day to my baby, you are the best #MyBabyDaddyIsBetterThanYours #PhuckWhatYouHeard’ posting the picture, that picture makes me happy and also remembering the night.
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