young people wear their hearts on their sleeves

ind. selective nikolai rostov from war and peace // written by simon // follows back from dearbewildered

[lovegambled]

shysweet-hellhound:

It had never been his intention to scare the poor count, and he apologized immediately, though it was hard not to grin at how easy it was to affect this poor man, not to mention the fact that Tristan seemed to go unrecognized. He liked it best, being able to ask people about his work without them thinking they had to praise it endlessly just because he was the director. “Is it really? How often?” His voice had dropped to a whisper as well, barely able to be heard without leaning in. “Do you remember when the writer changed the last act from a large party to outside the house?” He’d been fretting over it for weeks.

nikolai laughed, earning another sharp glance from his mother. “of course! this must be my fifth time seeing it, and it just gets better every show!” he grinned and glanced up at the stage, then turned his attention back to his new friend. “I think it’s easier to follow outside, but my sister liked it the other way. she just likes large parties, though, I don’t think it has much to do with the script.” he babbled on, completely unaware of whom he was speaking to. “I’ll probably come back again next week. I have a friend coming in to stay with us, and I think he’ll like it very much.”

[dearbewildered-blog]

sorry for disappearing, I’m directing a show, and we’ve been in tech for the last two weeks! but I’ll be back soon!

[lovegambled]

shysweet-hellhound:

@lovegambled

He slipped in to the box in the middle of the act, having been cast out by his lead actors yet again in all his fretting and worrying over their lines and costumes. That was quite enough! they’d cried, so he went to his seat, right next to the young Rostov, and could not help but ask with a charming grin. “How do you like the performance? Last week Semenova fell down on the stage”

nikolai jumped when he heard the voice beside him, and he was entirely prepared to scold whoever had slipped into the seat beside him and startled the poor count, but when he saw the face of the offender, suddenly, all thoughts of scolding disappeared. “it’s wonderful; one of my favorites, I’ve seen it a few times now.” when a lady in the row in front of them shushed him, he leaned in to whisper, grinning back mischievously. “I saw. it was great. but I’m glad she’s alright now.”

[lovegambled]

DATING STRENGTHS && WEAKNESSES

tagged by : @shysweet-hellhound​ (kinda, I stole it)

tagging : @dustmaide @heartreveals @princeorlofsky

NIKOLAI

Dating Strengths

1. Appearance - 87.5% 2. Sense of Humor - 85.7% 3. Financial Situation - 84.6% 4. Confidence - 77.8% 5. Flirtiness - 75%

Dating Weaknesses

1. Vanity - 91.7% 2. Arrogance - 62.5% 3. Negative Reputation - 55.6%

Dating Strengths Explained

Appearance: despite what some will say, appearance matters in dating. you get high marks on appearance. just make sure you balance it out with other qualities.

Sense Of Humor: people are attracted to people with a good sense of humor. be sure to put yours on display!

Financial Situation: you’ve got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. be careful to avoid those who are only interested in your money.

Confidence: you are sure of yourself and confident of your abilities. displays of confidence go a long way when attracting a date.

Flirtiness: flirting is a good way to break the ice, and you are a pro at it. being flirtatious will open up many dating opportunities.

Dating Weaknesses Explained

Vanity: learn to put a lower priority on looks. appearance is, of course, important, but vanity is undesireable. the only people you will attract are the superficial.

Arrogance: you are a bit full of yourself. you need to practice a little humility now and then, as arrogance can be a turn-off.

Negative Reputation: your reputation may be working against you. sometimes this is impossible to control, but try to counter-act it by presenting yourself in positive ways.

[rpmusings-galore]

I  will  choose  their  happiness  over  mine

   ———      EVERY TIME.

[brokenvein-deactivated20190812]

i want to be in love and i want it to not hurt

[lovegambled]

@princeandrci // x

as much as nikolai made a point of trying to be pleasant to everybody he came across, he had always gotten the feeling that andrei bolkonsky didn’t appreciate his efforts. so, though he tried to be polite and friendly whenever he had to interact with andrei, he had to admit that he generally avoided having to interact with andrei. it bothered nikolai immensely that he couldn’t get through to the man, but when he’d asked his other friends what to do, pierre and marya had simply told him that dealing with andrei required intellect and patience. neither of those were nikolai’s strong suit, though, so he decided to go on avoiding andrei until an opportunity to become closer could present itself.

no such opportunity appeared, though, until the last party of the semester. pierre and hélène were back together just in time for the holidays, to nobody’s surprise, and she’d convinced him to host the group’s annual holiday party in his apartment off-campus. in his defense, nikolai hadn’t planned on getting drunk at all, let alone completely trashed, but somewhere between his amusement at his own ugly sweater and his general puppy-like christmas spirit, he hadn’t realized the punch was rather heavily diluted with vodka, and, three glasses later, he was determined to make sure andrei was having a good time.

so, when he saw andrei checking his phone, just loitering under the mistletoe, drunk nikolai was struck with what he thought was a brilliant plan.

when andrei held him off, though, drunk nikolai, being as drunk as he was, nearly started crying. after all of his efforts, he was going to be denied this christmas tradition, and left without closure for the rest of eternity?  so, to answer andrei’s question, nikolai just looked up at him with big blue eyes and nodded, pouting in a way that only drunk people and toddlers can. “you HAVE TO, andrei. it’s a christmas tradition. if you don’t, you’ll just never know, and then it’ll be awkward forever. it’s better to just get it over with.”

[lovegambled]

a moment of weakness

@happinessgifted

16: nikolai has been beaten and is in bad shape, and natasha finds him

in nikolai’s defense, he had been doing his best to sneak back into the rostov estate quietly, but it was dark, and he was having trouble really seeing clearly. he made it through the door safely, but when he went to shrug off his heavy coat, he’d bumped into a coat rack by the door, and then into a small decorative table, before finally just losing his already-impaired balance entirely and collapsing on the floor between the two. when he heard footsteps rushing down the hall, all he could do was pray it wasn’t either of his parents. 

he muttered an “oh thank god” when he saw the small, slippered feet of his sister, though the smile he gave her when he finally looked up was nothing less than SHEEPISH. from his position on the floor, he knew he looked rather pathetic, with one arm curled around his chest to support what he figured were definitely some broken ribs while that arm was clutched in his opposite hand in an attempt to hide a rather concerning stab wound. his lip was bleeding and he could already feel a large bruise forming over one of his eyes, but he hoped it was dark enough that natasha wouldn’t notice right away.

“I know what you’re thinking, natka, and you’re right, this looks pretty bad. but you should see the other guy,“ he teased, trying not to wince as he laughed. “please don’t tell mama.” 

[andrierretashas]

this was funnier in my head

[lovegambled]

headcanons

wealth

$  financial.  // wealthy /  moderate  / poor /  in poverty ✚  medical.  //  fit  / moderate  / sickly  /  disadvantaged  /  disabled  /  not applicable ✪  class.  // upper  / middle-working /  poor /  slave  /  unsure ✔  education.  //  qualified  /  unqualified / studying  /  other ✖  criminal record.  //  yes, for major crimes  / yes, for minor crimes  /  no  / has committed crimes, but has not been caught yet

family

◒  children.  // has one or more children /  has no children /  wants children /  verse dependent ◑  relationship with family.  // close with sibling(s)  / not close with sibling(s) / has no sibling(s)  /  siblings are deceased ◔  affiliation.  //   orphaned /  adopted /  disowned /  raised by birth parent(s) /  not applicable ♡  romantic relationship.  // single  / dating  / engaged  /  married  / it’s complicated  /  verse dependent

traits  +  tendencies

♦ extrovert // introvert // in between ♦ disorganized  // organized // in between ♦ close-minded // open-minded //   in between ♦ calm // anxious //  in between ♦ disagreeable // agreeable // in between ♦ cautious  // reckless  // in between ♦ patient //  impatient  // in between ♦ outspoken // reserved  // in between ♦ leader  // follower  // in between ♦ empathetic // indifferent  // in between ♦ optimistic //  pessimistic  // in between ♦ traditional //  modern // in between ♦ hardworking //  lazy  // in between ♦ cultured  //  uncultured  // in between ♦ loyal  //  disloyal  // in between ♦ faithful //  unfaithful //  in between

beliefs

★  faith.  //  monotheist  / polytheist  /  atheist  / agnostic / it’s complicated ☆  belief in ghosts or spirits.  // yes /  no / don’t know / don’t care ✮  belief in an afterlife.  //  yes  / no  /  don’t know / don’t care ✯  belief in reincarnation.  // yes /  no / don’t know  / don’t care ❃  belief in aliens.  // yes / no  / don’t know  /  don’t care ❀  philosophical.  // yes /  no  /  sometimes

sexuality & romantic inclination

❤  sexuality.   /  heterosexual /  homosexual  / bisexual /  asexual  / demisexual / greysexual / questioning ❥  sex.  // sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable ♥  romance.  //  romance repulsed  / romance neutral /  romance favorable ❣  sexually.  //  adventurous  / experienced  / naive / inexperienced /  curious  / inhibited ⚧  potential sexual partners.  // male  /  female  /  other  /  none  /  all ⚧  potential romantic partners.  // male /  female /  other  /  none  / all

abilities

☠  combat skills.  //  excellent / good / moderate /  poor  /  none ≡  literacy skills.  //  excellent  /  good /  moderate  /  poor  /  none ✍  artistic skills.  //  excellent /  good /  moderate  / poor /  none ✂  technical skills.  // excellent  / good / moderate  /  poor  /  none

habits

☕  drinking alcohol.  //  never /  sometimes /  frequently  /  to excess ☁  smoking.  //  never /  sometimes  /  frequently /  to excess ✿  other narcotics.  // never /  sometimes  /  frequently  /  to excess ✌  medicinal drugs.  //  never  / sometimes  /  frequently  /  to excess ☻  indulgent in food.  // never / sometimes /  frequently /  to excess $  splurge spending.  // never /  sometimes /  frequently  /  to excess ♣  gambling.  // never / sometimes /  frequently  / to excess

tagged: kinda stole it?

tagging: @extasiie and @hemoveswithaswagger and @happinessgifted and everybody who wants to!

[memeroundups]

Send ‘a moment of weakness’

and the generated outcome will be used for a small drabble scenario or starter. { tw violence, nsfw }

Your muse is emotionally compromised and breaking down.

My muse is emotionally compromised and breaking down.

Your muse is smashed drunk and incoherent.

My muse is completely drunk and incoherent.

Your muse is tied up (how and why is up to the mun)

My muse is all tied up (how and why is up to the mun)

Your muse is surrounded by thugs up to no good and mine happens to pass by.

My muse is surrounded by thugs up to no good and yours happens upon this.

Your muse is having a vivid nightmare and is shouting out brokenly.

My muse is having a vivid nightmare and is crying out in their sleep.

Your muse is being beat up by mine, something your muse did must of been the last straw.

My muse is being beat up by yours, something they did must of been the last straw.

Your muse is being kept hostage and mine has just rescued them.

My muse is kidnapped and yours has just rescued them.

Your muse has been beaten badly and is in bad shape, mine happens to find them.

My muse is been beaten badly and is in bad shape, yours finds mine in this state.

Your muse falls very ill and continues activities even if they seem on the verge of passing out.

My muse is sick and continues daily routine even though they seem on the verge of passing out.

Your muse is in a frightened or nervous state (why is up to the mun)

My muse is in a frightened or nervous state (why is up to the mun)

Your muse is temporarily blind.

My muse is temporarily blind.

Your muse has suddenly sprained an ankle and can’t walk.

My muse has suddenly sprained an ankle and can’t walk.

Your muse has blackmail over mine.

My muse has blackmail over yours.

Your muse catches mine naked.

My muse catches yours naked.

Mun chooses.

[lovegambled]

princeandrci:

    prince andrei is certainly no more eager to be here than the rest of his compatriots, chilled by bitter winter winds and plunged in darkness which is punctuated only by the glow of fires around camp and by the moon, full and brightly shining above him —- so distant and cold and to him, insignificant. mud-weary boots and march-weary feet ache, and he slouches in a rather pronounced way, his hands clasped before him to soak in the heat of that small fire.

no, prince andrei does not want to be here —- but he does not want to be at home either, and so nikolai rostov and his poorly hidden tears strike him as quite unpleasant, and he thinks to retire without further pursuit of the other’s indecision. no man comes to war to enjoy it. whether their pursuits be glory or power or duty, none come to have an exceptionally good experience.

“ i stay because i am meant to stay. ” comes the prince’s guarded answer, which must say everything and nothing of his motivations. he seeks greatness, but only because he is bid by life —- by his family and by his peers and by his disposition —- to seek greatness. the life of a great man, after all, must be so free of those social burdens under which he suffers regularly. why would he cede his opportunity to attain, with greatness, freedom?

“ whatever you dislike of this ought to be secondary to the defense of our country, and if you’ve no ambition to remain here despite the hardships of this life, then you ought not to be here at all. we’ve no need of men without conviction. ” his words, scathing as they are, do not accuse, but are simply meant to purvey what he imagines is unquestionably true.

cowardice, he knows, is no trait of greatness.

for a moment, nikolai was absolutely offended. he’d missed the point of andrei’s guarded lecture entirely, and chose instead to take it as an implication that he, nikolai ilyich rostov, was not as patriotic as he should be. which, of course, was taken as an insult of the WORST variety, as it questioned his loyalty to the tsar, who he loved so dearly, and his country, which housed and empowered his dear family. unfortunately, his attempt at an offended scowl turned out more like a disgruntled pout as he bit his lip and looked up at andrei through long eyelashes.

“of course, everything is secondary to the defense of our country. I’d do anything for our home and for our tsar, as any gentleman would.“ he paused for a second, then quickly continued talking. “more than any gentleman would, actually! I would do absolutely anything the tsar asked of me without question! and nobody will ever have any reasonable grounds to believe otherwise.“

he finished his speech with a determined nod, but just when he thought he’d maybe succeeded in proving andrei wrong, his mouth opened in a long yawn, not unlike a kitten’s, and any hope of intimidating anything was gone.

and, though he’d do anything for his country and his tsar, he couldn’t help but wish that his country and his tsar had sent him somewhere warmer to do something more fun. as humbling and honorable as it was to freeze to death for the glory of russia, it was painful and boring, and nikolai was hungry and cold, and his sprained wrist ached as he cradled it against his chest. 

“as a PATRIOT, I’ll stay as long as I’m needed.“

[lovegambled]

"I've got a little secret, i’m going to see her." YIKES

@shotfierce

immediately, nikolai’s face turned a furious red, and his hands balled into fists at his sides. he wanted to fight, to just SWING at fedya and see where it led. what did it matter now? sonya was gone, along with the rostov family fortune, and somehow, nikolai was still made out to be the bad guy in all of it. his reputation could hardly get worse; it’s not like there were any foreseeable downsides to hitting dolokhov, getting shot, and being done with the whole thing.

but, of course, that’s not what nikolai did.

“why are you telling me?“ he spoke through clenched teeth, trying his best to hold back his tears as his thumbs dug into his thighs through his uniform pants. “you won. GREAT. she loves you. now leave me alone.“

[lovegambled]

isn’t it pathetic, isn’t it a choice? can’t you decide?

nikolai, for the first time perhaps in his life, hesitated. 

as he sat by the camp fire, tears frozen on his face, sprained wrist cradled in his lab, he was faced with a brand new emotion, which he quickly recognized as REGRET and found rather unpleasant.

he didn’t regret joining the service, of course. he was a PATRIOTIC young man, if there ever was one, and he’d do anything for his tsar. but that wasn’t really the question. if asked, he’d have to admit earnestly that he’d been missing home quite a bit. university life had been so nice and warm and friendly, and the rostov house had been a place of love and calm and luxury, and the front, as much as nikolai tried to enjoy it, was none of those things.

“I don’t want to LEAVE,“ he told andrei, looking up at him with big, childish, blue eyes, still wet from crying, “but I can’t say I’m having a very good time here.“

he couldn’t very well tell the great andrei bolkonsky he was crying because he missed his mother; that would just be SILLY, and then he’d never be promoted, and he’d always be seen as a child. but that didn’t stop him from sniffling as he stared at the man he considered his newest friend, in the way nikolai had of deciding everybody he spoke to was suddenly very dear to him. “how do you do it?”

[lovegambled]

sometimes i’m a good person, and sometimes, i am not.

“maryushka, please,“ nikolai blushed as he held out his hands and slowly walked toward her. “I can’t think of one time you weren’t.“ he paused, then burst into a large grin as he caught her hands in his. “in fact, I can’t even IMAGINE you not being a good person, even for a second. you might even be the BEST person I’ve ever met. now, what’s this about?“

[notseriousresourceblog]

☼ preludes ( 2015 ) sentence starters ☼

your day

i lay there for an hour doing nothing. stretching my muscles. staring at the ceiling, staring at the day.

we’re not rich, you know. money is a worry.

i’ve been inside all day.

i feel itchy and clammy, cooped up.

and i think, how good it would be to go out. how good to go… walk in the park, how good to just go anywhere.

and then i was so tired. and that was the tenth hour. and then i lay down in bed again, and that was the eleventh hour.

so many minutes on these worthless things. so now we’re at the… twelfth hour? must be. uh, that was the twelfth hour.

and then i will go to sleep, for eight hours. and those hours are easy.

lilacs

every sunday, i get lilacs in the mail, no matter where i am.

how can i live up to this?

sometimes i’m a good person, and sometimes, i am not.

you should go, get out of the house.

you do still want to get married?

subway

i’ve got a little secret, i’m going to see him/her/you.

the voice of life, if life could speak then life would speak in his/her/your voice.

what does a genius talk about?

natalya

and i will kiss you on the top of your head, for that is the kindest place to place a kiss.

sometimes i get scared, you’ve been drowning so long in your ocean, what if my boundless joy has a limit after all?

i’m not the rock you need to save you.

you are in a hole, and so i jump into the hole, but i can’t get you out.

how many times can i answer the same question?

why don’t you just snap the fuck out of it?

isn’t it pathetic, isn’t it a choice? can’t you decide?

i know that you are terrified, i think.

how i wish you could hear the things you are, when you’re bursting and bleeding, and shaking and shying and shattering.

how can you keep that inside you?

how dare you hold yourself down!

do whatever you need to do to make yourself whole again.

just do it quick, before i get sick of you.

i don’t ever want to get sick of you.

i know i’m supposed to be the better one, but the truth is, i’m no better than you.

not alone

you are here, you’re in the other room, i can hear every sound you make, dear. i am not alone, not alone, ever again.

all i hear is the sound of your life singing in my ears

all of the peace i had for so many years, now that’s all gone.

all of my life is entwined with my love.

what’s yours is mine.

don’t ever leave, you can help me live, dear.

you took all my empty space.

you are my saving grace.

the prelude

i wrote it when i was nineteen, i… i have no idea how i did it.

c-sharp minor is really the coolest key.

i just wanted it to be loud, just fucking loud, and epic.

there’s so much restraint, something that is precious.

and people loved it, and they loved me. for a while, it was amazing.

i tense up just waiting for it.

i would pound on the wall and yell, stop, stop, stop!

what if that was the one? what if that was the one best thing i’ll ever do, and i spend the rest of my life, just getting worse, and worse, and drying up, uninspired…

i don’t even know how that happened.

the first symphony

it was dark that night, there was a sickening black fog.

she/he writes terrible things about good people, untrue things, unintelligent things.

and you are not pretty enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not funny enough, you’re not deep enough.

the best years of your life are behind you, it’s all down hill now, so sad, so sad. this is all you came to.

i left after a few minutes, i spent most of the concert on the stairs.

i don’t try anything, this is just what happens.

are you so small and stupid that you can’t hear anything new? that your little mind won’t accept it and won’t shut the static out and let the music just…

these sounds torture me.

okay, okay, i am a b-list hack, you got me.

this is not your place, this is not for you, i don’t want to hear your mind right now!

what is so fucking important about your opinion?

get out of here! get out! you are murdering souls! you are stepping on flowers, you are burning flowers with kerosene, you are shitting on diamonds!

hypnosis

close your eyes now. take a deep breath in, now slowly out.

listen to the sound of my voice, you are not here.

notice the color of the darkness behind your eyes. notice the other sounds around you. notice the movement of air across your face. notice that all these things are music.

you are perfectly comfortable.

you are there, where you always have been.

do you know where you are?

you know how it happened. it was not an accident.

how do i know where to go?

i failed.

mountains / the second piano concerto

she/he/you came to me, and sang of mountains.

and she/he/you looked on every page, to see if he was there.

then i came to him/her/you, and sang of silence.

and i sang to him/her/you of nothing at all.

[lovegambled]

“Hey, stop with the puppy eyes! I won fair and square.” but from alina u feel

nikolai pouted, resting the microphone under his chin as he, despite his orders, continued giving alina the puppy dog eyes. it was effortless, really, with his big blue eyes and soft pink lips, to contort his face into a very convincing whiny expression. and, NATURALLY, being drunk helped.

underwear karaoke was, as always, an adventure, but alina’s idea to turn it into a talent show with an ACTUAL PRIZE had just made it all the more competitive, and nikolai was in it to win. with the chance to choose the theme for the club’s next party night on the line, there was simply no holding back. but, of course, his girlfriend had had the same idea, and now here they were.

“it’s not FAIR,“ he whined, “you charmed the judges.“