love{ginger}ly

1993. Female. United States. Anorexic. Bulimic. Depressed. Anxious. Borderline Tendency. Suicidal.

[sinverguenza-blog]

[beybad]

[infvndo]

it often feels like i’m not in control of my own mind

[lovegingerly]

Complete control or no control at all..

[daringtome]

Please be careful with me. Sometimes I just get sad and I don’t know why. I’m sorry.

(via daringtome)

[balancinghealth-deactivated2014]

did you ever realize how sick you were? how the cold bit your bones and how the lunch hour made your heart race? did you ever realize that you counted a 5 calorie piece of gum as part of your daily 300 caloric intake? all because we’re all not 70 pounds doesn’t mean we’re not dying. all because we’re not the most emaciated doesn’t mean we’re not “sick enough” and PLEASE, tell me, SOMEONE, what sick enough even is. is it when your hair falls out so much that you don’t even want to brush it anymore? is it when you use your toothbrush more for purging than you do for brushing your own god damn teeth? or is it when your bones start to hurt when you walk up and down the stairs? which is it? what more do we have to endure to be “worthy” of recovery? did you ever realize how sick you are?

how sick are you? // melena steffes (via reinventingmysoul)

[hershy-shark]

[cigss]

[b-n-nn-li-deactivated20180223]

I wish that there was a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m having a bad mental health day and need you to pay attention to me,” without alienating everyone.

[cryptaniac]

or: “I’m having a bad mental health day and need to be on my own for a while so please don’t be mad if I cancel our plans on short notice.”

[kataflush]

[lovegingerly]

Me: *Thinks about dying*

Me: *Panics*

Me: *Thinks about living*

Me: *Panics*

Me: ?????????????????????

[lovegingerly]

[lovegingerly]

I feel like I'm about to explode. I'm freaking out.

[lovegingerly]

Your ED's tactics:

Overscheduling

Convincing you that you're fine or "not that sick"

Basing worth and value on eating and weight

Feeling superior to others because of your eating and/or weight

Black-and-white thinking

Isolating you from people who can help

Telling you that nothing is good enough

Getting you to lie

Rationalizing your disordered actions

Using comparisons to other people

Avoiding other issues by using ED behaviors

Using stressful situations / change to trap you

Capitalizing on perceived rejection

Setting unreachable expectations

Taking advantage of unstructured alone time

[rubyetc]

[lovegingerly]

I'm a horrible idiot who deserves hell.

I just want to take all of me and erase myself from history.

[delugeon]

i only understand like 9% of life

[lovegingerly]

make that .9%