word vomit emotional sickness
regurgitated by disappointedĀ
filled with unforeseeable challenges
aimed towards alienating families and ostracizing siblings.Ā
with a tool box, filled with history of childhood memories.
filled with false claims of knowing better.
āuntil you can see the truthā
āI hope you can be happy somedayā¦.ā
I continue, and continueā¦.
Trying to remain calm and optimistic
my blood, my kin, my family, my eldersā¦
have seemingly taught me mislead lessons.Ā
I have not followed their intended guidance
I have become my own person.Ā
something that I am not ready for, in their eyes.Ā
being ostracized and belittled.Ā
to continuously hear the liesĀ
how i attack how I hurt how I ā¦.
Infront of my face and behind my back.
infront of my daughter and wife
ā---- when I am not there,Ā
between them and my mother and father,Ā
to my colleagues and acquaintances.Ā
to my daughters educators and thoseĀ
Throughout her preadolescent life.Ā
the upsetting actualizationĀ
this battle has turned our family has kept me up
that I have wanted to move on,Ā
Being condemned for beingĀ
seems to do little in the grand scheme of things.Ā
actions speak against them
whether it be battling me,Ā
their other family members,Ā
when they crawl to their parents,Ā
there are no goals or focus for being
I have remained at a loss,Ā
as I have tried to separate myselfĀ
from the horrible comments
as parents continue to sweep it under the rug
you continue to enable the behavoir
as she has learned and continuously shown
as her only method of success
she has taken advantage of youĀ
her break ups and needing somewhere to overstay,
her wedding and covid ultimatums,
her birth and again her covid ultimatumsā¦.
Or am I bringing up too much from the pastā¦.
bout me, bout everything.
because it doesn't matter,Ā
but we both have started new families of our own,Ā
ones I hoped to share with my parents and sister,
unfortunately I am unable,
I will not sacrifice my families mental health anymoreĀ
as the women have sabotaged any opportunity to move forward.
as they have hurt and said things that are unable to come back from,Ā
The severity of their actions and words.
Sticks and stones may break bones,Ā
But words are history and will be bled on paper
Until dissolved by those ignorant
Of the lessons they may teach.Ā
Wrote this while drinking in my living room with my halloween lights illuminating the room. The temperature is in the high 60ās. I went to belaire with my wife and son for taco tuesday. I quit smoking weed a month ago and have steadily been drinking more and more every night as I tell myself I need something. I wrote this in the past hour as all my thoughts have been consuming me. I was happy to finish a 2 beers while writing this as it heped me relax my thoughts. I put everything I was thinking down and edited as I went on and reread. The over all message of this poem is that I Wsh my parents would see how hard I try to be the better man regardless of what I continuously go through. I continuously remind everyone of my difficult managing my anger. Most recently I asked my sister to stop and drop a certain topic until I was read to talk about it (her holding and taking a picture of jaxon even though brittany was there and did not want the picture to take place (both parties were being extra in my opinion but at the end of the day jax is brits childā¦.)I messaged and talked to hannah about this instance and she blew up even though I requested we did not continue further. She kept pushing and even said ā I hope you can be happy somedayā insinuating my wife and I werenāt happyā¦ āwhen you see the truth I will be here for youā... FUCK YOU. I hope if I die earlier than her she sees this and can experience how it made me feel without being able to fix it because thats how she always made any issue I had feelā¦. No light at the end of any tunnelā¦. Rude selfish and plain old bitchy. Just Like our āexā aunt.Ā
