Baran Al-Hashimi x resident! Reader who just so happened to have a day off and they end up bumping into each other at the beach.
They end up getting to hang out outside of work and do fun sexy beach things together. Maybe Al-Hashimi can't help but stare at reader in a swim suit. Maybe she offers to reapply sunscreen to the readers back? Maybe they can walk along to coast and pick sea shells? Maybe they share a phat beach sandwich? Maybe Baran invites the reader out to dinner because God she's just having such a wonderful time!
pairing: baran al-hashimi x gn!reader
genre: fluff, suggestive.
wc: 1,526
You chose the beach because you thought you could avoid anybody from work. You wanted a relaxing day off away from any of that. A day to relax, enjoy the sunshine, and dig your toes into the warm sand. You're in the middle of stuffing your face with a thick sandwich when you hear a familiar voice.
"Are you gonna eat all that?"
You look up, shielding your eyes from the hot sun, and feel your heart flutter at the sight of Baran in front of you, wearing a bikini with a towel wrapped around her waist.
She's the only person you don't want to avoid.
You swallow the sandwich harshly, wincing as it travels down your throat. You wipe mayo off your mouth and lick your suddenly dry lips before you speak.
You give her a big smile that hurts your cheeks. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Just wanted to enjoy my day off. I see you did too. Can I sit?" Baran asks, pointing next to you.
You nod and scoot over to make some room for her, but she sits thigh to thigh with you. It makes your cheeks burn bright. You try to be discreet as you look her over, admiring her curly hair blowing in the wind, the freckles on her face, and her nose that you have the greatest urge to bite on.
Baran's been watching you for a while. She spotted you a few minutes back, couldn't believe she bumped into you here of all places. There was a smile on her lips while she watched you take bites of your sandwich, glancing around the beach as if you were admiring the beauty of it all. She watched you dip your toes into the sand until your feet were covered. And she watched you slip off your shirt and shorts to reveal your swimsuit, which she ogled with curious eyes. She's only seen your body in scrubs before, never something this revealing.
She liked it.
"Do you want the other piece?" You offer Baran the other half of your sandwich, telling her you don't think you can finish both.
She graciously takes it from you, moaning and licking her lips after taking a bite.
"Did you make this?"
You nod while taking another bite.
"It's really good. I'm gonna need some of these for lunch at work.'
You blush and smile really big.
Baran's eyes light up as she watches your head dip, the corners of your mouth upturned in a smile she finds pretty. She's always loved how easy you are. Never takes that much to get you blushing or smiling around her.
After you both finish eating, Baran offers to apply sunscreen to your back, since she knows you can't reach. She's just being helpful, nothing else. Definitely not an excuse to touch the cute resident's back and see them squirm. Nuh-uh. She's just looking out for you and your skin. Sunburns are no joke.
She has you lie down on your stomach while she sits on top of you.
You gulp hard when you hear the sound of the bottle being squeezed, white cream pouring onto Baran's hand. You tense up for a brief second when her hand comes into contact with your lower back, the cold cream soothing your hot skin.
You feel her tug on the strings of your top. "Can I?"
Your brain stops working for a moment. All your thoughts are impure. Oh. She's asking to untie it so she can put the sunscreen on.
You nod and hum shakily.
"I like this swimsuit," Baran whispers softly, pulling your top loose, digging her fingers into your back as she spreads the sunscreen all over.
"Th-thank you," you reply, a tingle running down your body at the feeling of her hands on your body. You can't help but melt into her touch, eyes fluttering shut as you enjoy the way her hands travel around your back.
You and Baran relax in the water for a bit before coming out and drying off, dressing back into your normal clothes.
Baran takes you walking along the coast, her fingers brushing and wiggling against yours as you chit-chat about how nice it is to have a break from PTMC. You splutter awkwardly when she mentions that the only bad thing about it is not seeing you.
Somehow, both of you end up with handfuls of seashells. It started when you stopped in your tracks after spotting the most beautiful-looking shell you've ever seen. Baran found it cute how you ooh'd and ahh'd over it, and she started pointing out more shells for you to take. Then she started taking some of her own. She would ask you if it was pretty enough to take, and if you said yes, she'd keep it. She has no idea if she wants to actually take them home or not, but she thinks displaying them on her dresser would be a lovely idea. Maybe she could keep one in her car. It would be a good reminder of this day with you, which has been a blast so far. She hasn't had this much fun in ages.
After waking for a bit, both of you find a little restaurant by the beach. Baran asks if you'd like to have dinner with her. Her treat, of course. Not wanting this day to end, you agree. You stuff your seashells into your tote bag and Baran shoves a few shells into her pocket as both of you walk up to the restaurant.
The host leads you to a table and takes your drink orders. Baran gets wine to share with you.
The host leaves while you two decide on what to get.
"Ready to order?" she asks, glancing down at the menu on the table.
While pretending to look at the menu, you glance up at Baran, watching her pour herself a generous glass. You think about how pretty she is, and how insane it makes you feel. Your breath catches in your throat when her eyes lock onto yours, and you're trapped in a staring contest with her as your whole body freezes from getting caught.
Baran lets out a hearty chuckle, the sound of her giggles and the sight of her big smile making you flustered.
"I'm guessing what you want isn't on the menu?" she teases, foot brushing against your ankle underneath the table.
"No..." you reply dumbly, almost in a trance as you look at her. When you realize what you said, you shake your head and clear your throat. "I mean, er, what are you getting? I can't decide."
"How about we share?" She presses her lips together thoughtfully as she looks at the menu before pointing at something. She turns the menu toward you so you can see, and you nod in agreement. "Good. Maybe if you're up for it, you could come back to my house after this."
Your heart starts beating faster.
Baran adds, "Only if you want. It's just that I don't want this night to end. I'm having fun with you."
"Me too," you say slowly, not believing this is real and happening. You have to pinch yourself just to make sure. "And I'd love to go over to your place."
Baran smiles widely and stares at you with stars in her eyes.
smth smth soft first time sex with baran when you get to her house, both of you wine drunk and messy and needy with each other. making her feel loved, cherishing her body, and making her come undone on your tongue before she wants to do the same to you. she talks you through it so softly, making your brain turn into mush at how gentle her touches are. she coaxes two orgasms out of you before collapsing on top of your body, her curly hair tickling your face. she helps you clean yourself off, says you're free to use her shower and borrow some of her clothes if you need to.
thinking about her asking if you could stay a while and sleep with her before she drives you back to your place >___< just some cuddling and kisses, baran nuzzling her face into your chest while you hold her and rub her back, feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
she gives you a kiss on the cheek after she walks you up to your front door.
and she gives you knowing looks when you see her at work a few days later. thinking about not knowing if what happened was still real, or if she wanted it to be anything other than a one-time thing, so you just ignore her. that is, until she asks if she can speak to you alone. she rubs her hands up and down your arms while asking if you're avoiding her, and she thinks it's cute when you tell her why. she's direct with you, tells you that she wants you, that she doesn't want this to be a one-time thing.
you walk out of that empty room with swollen lips and a dazed smile on your face.
Baran al-hashimi with resident reader who has major mommy issues that she tries so hard to hide (she's embarrassed and hates being seen vulnerable) but it's just really obvious to baran. She finds it endearing how flustered r gets, how she seeks her validation and praise, how she can't help but reach for baran always wanting physical contact. Baran absolutely loving it and eating it up, she can't act indifferent with r. Everyone else clocking this
literally calling al-hashimi ma'am on your first day of the job. being all serious about it too, as she has to surpress a smile, literally checking you out while doing so??? before guiding you through the day, keeping a light hold on your upper arm.
being a bit of a praise whore for her... looking over to baran every time you've done something remotely hard, to get that approving 'mmmh' with that little head nod, in response. hell, she can see how you blush (she even saw your thighs clench together at one point) at her calling you a "good girl." though, she only uses that one for special occasions, because it gets you all wobbly.
being touchy with her!!! and only her!! reaching out to tug her sleeve,, wrapping an arm around her as you both walk through the ER, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear. you don't do this with anyone else, and it has become a bit of a running gag. you've even seen dana and robby exchange glances at the corner of your eye, trinity reenacted your little hair tug with whittaker. very annoying stuff.
baran using your... tendencies to her advantage,, she knows how to get you back on track, knows how to get you to work even more. she just has to praise you in that specific sweet tone, just needs to give you some attention!!! coo at you for being so gooodd for her (\ ´꩜﹃ ꩜`\)
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who notices your patient's hand on your arm from across the department and is immediately bothered by it. Even moreso when you don't pull away because you're too focused on the task at hand.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who has never considered herself a jealous person, but something about this particular patients attention on you gets under her skin.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who is painfully aware that she's feeling this way because of her own rules. She was the one who insisted your relationship remain private at work. Logical at the time, but unbearable now that she has no leg to stand on, no claim to you while someone else is touching you.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who finds herself trailing after you the next time she sees you heading toward that patient's bay, even when it's not her case. And when you have the nerve to look surprised, she coolly reminds you that she is the attending on shift and is therefore responsible for patient oversight.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who immediately regrets it, because up close the flirting is even worse. Your patient is throwing you lingering looks and words filled with implications and hope and completely ignoring Baran's presence at all.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who has to physically reign herself in when the patient touches you again as she thanks you.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who does something both impulsive and deeply uncharacteristic when she moves to pass by you, both hands settling on either side of your waist to hold you steady, leaning just close enough to mumble "excuse me, Eshgham" in acknowledgement.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who feels you go still in surprise beneath her hand and has to force herself not to smile triumphantly.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who notices the patient taking notice of the change in the air, her smile faltering on her face as she looks between the two of you.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who does not wait for you out in the hallway as she exits the curtain. By the time you follow her out, she’s already halfway down the hallway, every inch of her back to the composed attending everyone knows.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who doesn’t say another word to you as she leaves you blushing and stunned at her total 180 - which of course is when you notice Dana watching from the nurses’ station over the rim of her glasses.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who has apparently not been nearly as discreet as she thought, because Dana’s expression is pure knew it, topped off with an eyebrow arched high enough to be felt from across the department.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who says nothing about it afterward and offers no explanation, because she doesn’t need to. The message was received, loud and clear. And the permanent smirk on her face for the rest of the shift tells you that you’ll be getting a very firm reminder of who you belong to later at home.
Jealous!Baran Al-Hashimi who knows you won’t be allowing another patient to touch you like that after tonight, when your body is sore and her handprints are permanently seared into your skin.
Summary: Six days have passed since Mel's friends left, and your friendship has been permanently affected. When a perceptive patient notices the tension between you two, her advice sparks reflection on what it means to risk everything for the chance at love.
CW: angst, lots of lesbian yearning, canon-typical medical events, minor character death (nobody from canon), grief, hurt/comfort, smut, not changing out of scrubs (ew, yes that requires a CW), fingering and oral sex (r!receiving), showering and non-sexual intimacy.
WC: 10k
Part 2 to Hold On.
A/N: this whole fic was a struggle. Figuring out how it would go was a struggle, starting it was a struggle, I got writers block after the first scene. Also, I named my patients wife Gloria because I temporarily forgot Gloria is also the name of the hospital administrator and I don’t want to go through and change it. It was my nana’s name, too, and I like it. Deal with it.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
Six days.
That’s how long it’s been since Mel’s friends left, since you’d stood in the doorway to Mel’s apartment and waved goodbye to them, since your life was supposed to go back to normal.
And your life was anything but.
Six days of her not responding to your texts. Six days of not sending stupid memes in the evenings. Six days of silence where there used to be constant communication. Six days of you pretending you don’t feel her absence in your heart. Your phone has never been so quiet.
At work, it’s worse.
All hospitals run on routine, and especially in an emergency department there’s an understanding that nobody gets through a shift alone. But somehow, the two of you have managed turn avoidance into an art. You take the long way around hallways, she volunteers for tasks on the opposite end of the department. Where you used to naturally overlap, there’s now intentional avoidance.
There wasn’t a fight. You can’t point to the exact moment and say “this is where everything went wrong.” There were only two kisses that were supposed to be fake and two nights spent tangled together in bed like you belonged there all along, followed by a silence that grew too big to take back. You’re not sure why Mel is avoiding you. Maybe she regrets it, maybe she’s embarrassed, or trying to protect your friendship by pretending none of it happened. The not knowing hurts almost as much as the distance itself.
But you’re not innocent either. You avoid her because you don’t know how to look at her and not want to hold her. Whatever careful little box you’d kept your feelings locked in is now blown wide open ever since last weekend, spilling your feelings out in a way you can’t figure out how to undo. You don’t know how to gather them all back up, how to tuck it neatly into the farthest corners of your heart again so you can be her best friend without wanting more from her. Being near her hurts now, like your control is hanging on by a thread and one wrong look or word from her could destroy it.
So you stay away, and she stays away, and the distance between you two stretches thin and tight every day.
You still see her, of course. It’s impossible not to, you work in the same building, in the same department, on the same days, on the same shift.
There’s a glimpse of her braid disappearing around a corner just as you turn into it, and the sound of her voice at the nurse’s station makes your head snap up before you catch yourself doing it, only to look back down at your work like nothing happened. Once, your hands touched while reaching for the same file and you both recoiled as if the contact burned you, muttering apologies to the air instead of each other because you couldn’t actually look at one another.
But when you do look, you try to be sneaky. She looks tired. More tired than usual. There are shadows under her eyes and her hair isn’t as neat in her braid as it normally is, loose strands escaping in ways you’ve only seen happen when she’s frazzled.
You don’t know what you’re supposed to say now. You don’t know what she wants, you don’t know if she regrets it, if she wishes the entire thing had never happened the same way you do.
You’re not sleeping, the bags under your own eyes mirroring Mel’s. Every night you close your eyes and remember how it felt to wake up tangled together, with the weight of her arm over your waist, her warm breath against your collarbone. Your brain replays the feeling of her mouth on yours in the bar, analyzing the way she leaned in like she couldn’t help herself. You remember thinking, stupidly, in that instance that maybe something had changed for real.
Six days is long enough for hope to thin out into glass, so brittle that it’ll break at the slightest pressure.
Six days is also long enough for other people to notice.
PTMC’s rumor mill is worse than any Middle of High School you ever went to. It doesn’t fly under the radar that you and Mel no longer talk at the nurse’s station, that conversations cut off whenever one of you approaches, or that you don’t walk out together at the end of a shift anymore.
Most of them are polite enough not to comment on it. Most, but not all. A rumor takes root, winding it’s way through the departments and across language barriers until it reaches the ears of someone who’s department gossip is equal parts rumors and facts.
Someone who saw you firsthand. Someone with sharp eyes and even sharper instincts, and a memory for details that borders on unsettling; like the way she’d pretended to stare at her own reflection in the bar mirror while pretending not to watch the two of you at all. It didn’t take long after that for curiosity to harden into certainty.
And once Trinity Santos is certain of something, she doesn’t let it sit.
By the sixth day, she decides she’s waited long enough.
Mel is halfway through reviewing a patient chart at a computer when a shadow falls across the counter as it blocks out the overhead light. She doesn’t look up at first, assuming it’s a nurse or a med student waiting to ask a question.
“Morning, Mel-tdown.”
Her pen pauses mid-stroke.
There are very few people in the hospital who think making up nicknames is funny, even less who would do it to someone with more seniority than themselves, and only one whose voice carries that particular blend of dry amusement and sarcasm. Mel looks up slowly and finds herself face-to-face with Trinity, who’s arms are folded loosely across her chest.
“Dr. Santos,” Mel says automatically with a forced smile. “Good morning.”
Trinity doesn’t return the greeting. She watches Mel with eyes narrowed, assessing her like a scan instead of a person.
“You look like you haven’t slept.”
“I’m fine.”
“Mm.” She’s not convinced. “Sure.”
But she doesn’t leave. The silence stretches just long enough to make it weird.
“Was there something you needed?” Mel asks. She cannot do her job properly with the R2 hovering over her like this.
“How’s your girlfriend?”
The question is said so casually that it takes almost a full minute to register. When it does, Mel’s stomach drops out from under her.
“I’m sorry?”
“You know, your nurse,” Trinity clarifies, relaxed enough that it doesn’t sound like she’s prodding for information, which she definitely is. “I saw you at O’Malley’s on Saturday night, you two make a cute couple.”
Heat floods Mel’s face. “I’m not - she’s not - we’re not a couple.”
Trinity’s eyebrows lift, but there’s no suspicion on her face. If anything, she looks amused, like she finds this funny.
“Relax,” she says. “I get it, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“I’m not explaining, I’m just -” Mel falters, reaching for something, anything, that’ll sound real. “We’re - we’re just friends.”
“Mhm.” The noncommittal little hum is somehow worse than outright disbelief.
“I’m serious,” Mel insists. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
The conviction never leaves Trinity’s face. “If you want to keep your personal life private, that’s your business,” she says. “I’m not the morality police, I don’t care what you do at home.”
“That’s not -” Mel stops, frustrated, because there’s nothing she can say that’s going to convince her. “We’re not dating.”
“Okay.”
Her fingers curl against the desk. “You don’t believe me.”
Trinity shrugs. “I saw you kissing at the bar.”
Mel swears her heart stops. Her mind races, spiraling through the logistics: who else might have seen you, how widely this could spread, what this looks like when you two have been actively avoiding each other ever since.
“We work together,” she says finally, and it almost sounds strangled. “If could get…complicated.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to explain that to me,” Trinity says dryly. “Plus, half the hospital is sleeping with the other half.”
Mel’s head snaps up, scandalized despite herself. “We’re not -”
Trinity holds up a hand to stop her. “I’m not asking for details.” She leans in, lowering her voice just enough to keep the conversation contained to the two of them. “The only reason I brought it up is because you two suddenly acting like strangers is a lot more noticeable than just dating quietly.”
Mel’s stomach twists.
“You used to be inseparable,” Trinity continues. “Now you won’t even talk to each other. People are noticing.”
Panic is crawling up Mel’s insides. Trinity actively participates in the rumor mill, if she’s saying people have noticed things changing between you two, that means people are talking.
“I’m just busy,” Mel says weakly.
“Sure you are.”
Trinity straightens up, pushing off the counter.
“For what it’s worth,” she adds, “Nobody cares who you date as long as it doesn’t affect patient care.”
Mel nods, her throat still tight. Trinity taps the counter in front of her twice, catching her attention once more.
“Take a breath, Mel-tdown. Your secret’s safe with me.”
And then she walks away, leaving Mel sitting there with her pulse racing and her thoughts in complete disarray.
This is way worse than being caught. This is her being seen by her colleagues, and assumed. Assumed to be dating you, to be serious enough to hide, to be something real. And if Trinity noticed, others will too. Maybe they already have. And that means this isn’t just about hurt feelings or awkward silence anymore.
It’s about your job, your reputation. Yours just as much as hers.
Mel closes the chart. She can’t let this continue.
She has to find you.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
You’re halfway through explaining a medication timing issue to Bridget at the nurse’s station when you feel it: fingers closing around your arm firmly, just above the elbow. It’s startling enough that the rest of your sentence dies in your throat.
You turn, already ready to apologize, expecting some sort of patient emergency. Something urgent. Something very much not personal.
Instead, you find Mel standing there.
Your brain refuses to process it for almost half a minute. Her grip tightens when you don’t move immediately, and her gaze never leaves your face, even as Bridget asks if everything is okay.
“Can I borrow you for a minute?” she asks, her voice strained.
She doesn’t wait for a response. She’s already dragging you away, hand locked around your arm tightly as she pulls you down the hallway and around the corner into a quieter stretch near a supply closet.
Your heart is pounding for reasons that has nothing to do with how urgent she looks.
Six days. Of distance, of avoidance, of silence. And now she’s holding onto you like this. Hope sparks in your chest, both traitorous and dangerous.
Maybe she couldn’t stand it either, maybe she misses you. Maybe she’s finally going to say something, anything, that will make this awful, stretched-out silence okay again.
She stops abruptly and lets go of your arm, interrupting your thoughts. Her own arms fold tightly across her chest.
“Mel?” you say, confused. “What -”
She glances up and down the hallway, looking in both directions. She looks tense. When she finally speaks, she leans in close to you, her voice dropping to a whisper that even you can barely hear in the silent hallway.
“Trinity saw us at O’Malley’s.”
It takes a second for you to register what she’s said. “I - what?”
She looks around again, scanning for eavesdroppers even though the hall is empty.
“She saw us,” Mel repeats more urgently, like you’re the one not keeping up. “Saturday night, at the bar.”
Your stomach drops. “Oh.”
Another glance over her shoulder and then she leans closer still, volume dropping even more, like her following words are dangerous:
“She saw us…kissing.”
The whisper is almost comical, like she’s afraid it’s going to echo down the hallway and summon witnesses out of thin air. Under any other circumstances, it might’ve been cute.
But right now it just hurts.
“I didn’t know what to say,” she rushes on. “She assumed we were dating, and I told her we’re not, but she doesn’t seem convinced, and people are already noticing that we’re not - that things are different, and I just thought you should know in case anyone says anything to you.”
You blink at her.
This isn’t an apology. This isn’t I miss you, or I’m sorry I disappeared or I didn’t know how to talk to you or even are you okay?
It’s damage control.
“Oh,” you say again, because it’s the only sound you know how to make.
“I just don’t want it to become a problem,” Mel continues, her arms tightening where they’re tucked into her sides. “You know, professionally. For either of us.”
She means it as reassurance. You can see it, the worry in her eyes, you see it in the tightness in her mouth. She’s warning you, looping you in so you’re not blindsided. But all you can hear is what she isn’t saying.
She’s not trying to fix this. She’s worried about how this looks.
You force a small nod, staring somewhere over her shoulder because looking right at her would hurt too much.
“Right,” you manage. “Good to know.”
Silence follows, and she doesn’t move to comfort you. If anything, she looks relieved, like she’s delivered the message she came to deliver.
“Okay,” she says quickly. “I just wanted you to hear it from me.”
Not because she actually cares about how you’re feeling. Just because it’s relevant information.
Hope, which had flared so brightly when she grabbed your arm, fizzles out just as fast, and it leaves something colder in it’s wake.
“Thanks,” you say automatically, though it’s distant. “For the heads-up.”
Her lips tip into a frown, like that wasn’t the response she expected from you, but she doesn’t push further.
“Yeah,” she says. “Of course.”
There’s more silence and it’s awkward in a way space has never been between you two before. For a second you think she might say something else, but then she nods and steps back.
“I should get back.”
And then she turns and walks away without another glance in your direction.
You stand there for a long time after she disappears around the corner, staring at the empty space she left behind. Your chest aches with the realization that you were stupid for letting yourself hope. Not for romance, or even for answers. Even just for your best friend back.
Eventually you push yourself off the wall and head back toward the nurse’s station, careful to keep your expression neutral because now you’re aware of the looks you’re getting, especially from Princess. But you keep your voice steady when you pick up the conversation with Bridget exactly where it left off, like nothing happened.
Like six days of silence and one conversation haven’t just confirmed your worst fear:
That whatever that weekend meant to you…it clearly didn’t mean the same thing for her.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
It’s later in that same shift that your day goes from bad to shitty.
You’re charting at the nurse’s station when the automatic doors at the end of the entrance to the ED hiss open and Olive appears, guiding a wheelchair.
“Got another one for you,” she calls without slowing down. “Shortness of breath, mild chest discomfort. Her vitals are mostly okay, but she’s a little hypertensive.”
The woman in the chair looks up at you with clear and intelligent eyes, her silver hair escaping a long braid that’s loosened over the course of the day. She doesn’t look panicked, if anything, she looks annoyed to be here at all.
“Honestly, I feel ridiculous,” she says as she takes your hand to help her stand. “It’s probably indigestion.”
She pauses to catch a slightly deeper breath once she’s upright, one hand coming up to rest on her chest.
“I just can’t quite get a full breath,” she adds. “And there’s this pressure in my chest.”
You guide her onto the bed, noting sweat gathering at her temples and the way she shifts on the bed like she’s trying to find a position that feels better.
“On a scale of zero to ten?” you ask gently.
“Maybe a three? Four if I’m being dramatic.”
“Got it,” you say as you begin to attach monitor leads. “Three-to-four dramatic discomfort.”
She smiles at that, her eyes crinkling. Her attention drifts past you as the door behind you opens. “Uh-oh,” she says. “Here comes someone important.”
“Hello, I’m Dr. King,” Mel’s voice comes from over your shoulder, and you hear the hand sanitizer being dispensed. “Status?”
“Um - shortness of breath with mild chest pressure, onset about an hour ago,” you say, flustered as your heart starts palpitating. “She rates it a three or a four but she was hypertensive in triage. No obvious distress, she’s alert and oriented.”
There’s silence behind you as you hear Mel pause. When you turn, she’s stepping forward, her eyes lingering on your face and you watch as they soften. But then she schools her expression back to the neutral composure you’ve only seen when she’s dealing with something personal but forced to be professional.
“Okay,” she says calmly. “Hi, Ms. Burkhart, like I said, I’m Dr. King, I’m going to take a look at you.”
Ms. Burkhart studies her with open curiosity instead of the wary anxiety most patients wear. She looks briefly to you and then back to Mel, as if she’s picked up on the moment you two just had.
“Carrie,” she corrects. “Ms. Burkhart makes me sound like my mother.”
Mel’s mouth twitches. “Carrie it is.”
She moves closer to the bed, silent as she watches Carrie’s vitals on the monitor, hands steady as she listens to her lungs. She asks the standard questions, and you busy yourself moving to the other side of the bed, adjusting the monitor, and handing over supplies before Mel even asks.
Choreography that you both know by heart.
You’re careful not to look at her too much. You don’t let your voice soften when you answer her questions, doing your best not to slip back into the wordless communication that used to feel as natural as breathing. Not in front of a patient.
Your patient notices anyway.
It feels like Carrie’s observing you rather than the other way around, despite the fact that she is quite literally beingobserved. You can feel her scrutiny, and you do your best to keep your expression neutral and professional while you focus on the tasks at hand.
Mel straightens after listening to her lungs. “Any nausea? Dizziness? Pain anywhere else?”
“Not really,” Carrie says. “I just can’t seem to get a satisfying breath.” She demonstrates with a shallow inhale that ends in a frustrated sigh.
Mel nods thoughtfully. “Okay.”
Carrie’s gaze slides past her shoulder again, right to you.
If Mel notices the attention, she doesn’t comment. Instead, she redirects. “Do you have any history of heart problems? High blood pressure? Aneurysms?”
Carrie answers the doctor’s questions, but her attention seems to keep drifting back to you, especially whenever you speak. Her attention on you feels strange. You’re no stranger to attention from patients, but usually it comes from a place of attraction, which you’re always quick to brush off. Ms. Burkhart’s attention seems more like curiosity - she’s not being intrusive, she’s not even talking to you, and her gaze isn’t coming off as flirty or uncomfortable.
At one point, Mel asks you to retake her blood pressure and you step in to wrap the cuff around Carrie’s arm. As you’re leaning in, Mel reaches across to adjust a monitor lead at the same time, your hands brushing against each other. Both of you pause, neither looking at the other, but the tension is palpable.
Ms. Burkhart notices immediately. “Oh.”
“Sorry?” You glance up at her quickly. “Are you in pain?”
“No, it’s nothing,” she says lightly. “Just thinking.”
Mel has already stepped back and is jotting down notes in the patient file.
“We’re going to run some tests,” she says. “An EKG, blood work, probably imaging just to be safe.”
“Of course,” Carrie nods. “I did come to a hospital, after all.”
When you look up again, Carrie is looking at you softly, her expression almost sympathetic.
“You two work together a lot?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“Sometimes.”
You both speak at the same time, the overlap hanging in the air awkwardly.
You’re quick to draw blood and excuse yourself, desperate to remove yourself from this too-small room with your fake-ex-girlfriend and a patient who’s definitely watching you too closely.
When you eventually return to check in on Ms. Burkhart, she’s alone in the room, propped up against the pillows in her bed, looking far less uncomfortable than before even though her breathing is still shallow. Mel must’ve prescribed some sort of pain relief.
“Oh good,” she says. “I was starting to think you’d abandoned me.”
“Not a chance,” you say as you move to her bedside. “Just waiting on your lab results.”
She hums in acceptance, though her fingers still fiddle with the edge of the blanket, nervous and jittery as if she can’t quite get comfortable.
“Funny,” she hums, staring up at the ceiling. “Hospitals are loud until you’re alone. Then they feel too quiet.”
You nod, adjusting her pulse oximeter, mostly for something to do rather than because it actually needs adjusting. “Yeah, it’s a lot of waiting.”
“Mm.” She turns her head to look at you, studying you. “You been doing this long?”
“A couple of years.”
“It must be hard sometimes.”
You shrug. “You get used to it.”
Carrie shifts on the bed again with a wince. “My wife hates hospitals.”
Your head lifts. “Your wife?”
“Mhm.” A fond smile softens her face. “Insists they’re where common sense goes to die.”
You smile. “Sounds like she cares.”
“Oh, she does,” Carrie’s expression warms further and her eyes go distant, as if she’s remembering. “Twenty years of caring.”
Twenty years.
You’ve seen her birthdate in her chart, you can do the math. You wonder silently if she came out later in life, or if she just met her wife later in life.
“Is she coming back to pick you up?”
“Should be,” Carrie says, glancing toward the door and then back to you. “I texted her, I don’t want her to worry but she’s got a sixth sense for these things.”
You nod as you swallow past the lump in your throat. “Good, it’s nice to have someone here.”
Carrie watches you carefully as you say it, like she’s weighing her words. “It is,” she agrees slowly. “Took us long enough to figure that out.”
“Figure what out?” you ask absentmindedly as you badge into the workstation to update her vitals.
“That we were in love,” she says simply. “We were best friends our whole lives first.”
Your heart plummets. You see where this is going, and the topic is just a little too close to home today.
“Oh.”
“We were cowards,” Carrie continues with a laugh. “Both of us, scared of ruining what we had. So afraid of our own feelings that we wasted half our lives.”
Your throat is tight, you’re unable to manage a response, but that doesn’t seem to deter her.
“When we finally admitted it, it felt ridiculous. Like - oh, of course. How did we miss this? Everyone else saw it before we did.”
You can’t do anything but listen.
“We got married at city hall on May 21st, 2014.”
The irony of the historical date for Pennsylvania doesn’t pass you by, the realization that they got married the moment they were legally allowed to.
She turns her head to look at you directly. “We always said we wished we’d been braver sooner.”
Your eyes sting and you blink hard, hoping to disperse the tears gathering there.
“You always wish you had more time,” she adds simply.
Ms. Burkhart is perceptive. You can’t tell if she’s guessing, or if she just recognizes something in you so specific, something painfully familiar to herself. Maybe she isn’t reading you at all, maybe she’s just remembering.
She’s studying you while you’re lost in your own mind. Then, very gently, she says, “You look like you’re wishing you were brave too.”
Not guessing.
“That’s not -” your voice cracks and you clear your throat. “We work together.”
Carrie’s smile is kind but also triumphant. “Sweetheart,” she says, “I didn’t say anything about work.”
You flush and turn away, trying your best to focus on the screen in front of you. But the words on it blur together in a rush of tears, the topic too painful for today.
“This isn’t appropriate,” you mutter, more to yourself than your patient. “This topic is totally unprofessional.”
“I know,” she responds lightly. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”
“I should -” you start and then falter, clearing your throat again. “I should check on my other patients.”
“Of course.”
You waste no time slipping out into the hallway, door closing heavily behind you.
You do exactly what you said you were going to do: check on your other patients. You busy yourself checking vitals and answering questions until your eyes start to blur, even though your mind is focused somewhere else entirely. Ms. Burkhart’s voice follows you from room to room.
Scared of ruining what we had.
You always wish you had more time.
You try, and fail spectacularly, to shake it off.
At one point, you’re staring at a medication cart without actually seeing it, wondering what your life would look like at forty if nothing changes. If you kept pretending that friendship was enough for you now that you knew what it was like to have her. Would you still be here? With the same job, the same apartment, and the same aching in your chest? Would she?
By the time you realize you’re standing back outside Carrie Burkhart’s room again, you barely even remember walking over here, let alone making the decision. Her door is propped open and she’s scrolling her phone with one hand while absently rubbing the center of her chest with the other.
She looks up when you step inside and close the door behind you, her surprise quickly giving way to warmth.
“Well hello again,” she says. “Back so soon? I must be your favorite patient.”
You hesitate before pulling a chair close to the bed and sitting.
“Maybe,” you admit with a small smile.
Something in your tone makes her snap to attention immediately. She sets the phone down and turns her attention toward you fully. “What’s wrong?”
You clasp your hands together in your lap, unsure how to begin. This feels wildly inappropriate and unprofessional, even worse - deeply personal.
“How did you know?”
Carrie blinks at you. “Know what?”
“That she…felt the same.” Your hands wave in your lap as you struggle for the right words. “Your wife.”
“Oh honey,” she murmurs with a sympathetic look.
You stare at your hands so you don’t have to face the pity in her expression. “I mean, you said you were best friends your whole lives. So how did you know it wouldn’t ruin everything?”
Carrie leans back in the bed, her eyes distant with memory. “I didn’t know,” she said. “I just reached a point where not saying anything hurt more than the possibility of losing her.”
Your chest tightens.
“She went on a date,” she adds quietly. “Some man from her office. She told me about it over coffee.” A faint smile touches her mouth, rueful in nature. “I went home and cried for three hours and finally admitted to myself that I wasn’t just jealous. I was terrified.”
You glance up at that. “Terrified of what?”
“That I was going to lose the love of my life because I was too afraid to tell her that she was the love of my life.”
Your lips part as you take in her words. “So you told her,” you urge her on quietly.
Carrie nods solemnly. “Worst conversation of my life,” she says with a chuckle. “I was shaking so hard I spilled my coffee all over her kitchen table.”
You laugh despite yourself.
“I told her I was in love with her,” she continues. “I was fully prepared for her to tell me she didn’t feel that way. Then at least I could start getting over it.”
“And?”
“She just stared at me for a long time,” she says. “Then she said, ‘It’s about time.’”
You can see Carrie’s eyes shine with the memory, and she recounts it like it’s one of the best.
“Turns out she’d been in love with me just as long. Neither of us wanted to risk losing what we had, and we made ourselves miserable by not saying anything.”
You’re silent as she continues.
“It wasn’t perfect. We had to unlearn a lot of fear. Figure out how to be more than friends after so long. But god…” she smiles, radiant despite the hospital bed. “It was worth it.”
Your eyes burn and you blink rapidly. “So you think I should just…tell her,” you say, your voice trembling.
Carrie watches you with unwavering kindness. “I think you already know what you want,” she says gently. “You’re just waiting for permission.”
The truth of that strikes you painfully hard.
“I don’t even know if she feels that way,” you admit. “Things have been weird between us.”
Carrie opens her mouth to respond, and pauses. At first, it looks like she’s just searching for the right words. But then you see a crease form between her brows, and her eyes unfocus as her hand presses harder against her chest.
You lean forward. “Carrie?”
She gasps, the breath shallow. “I feel…weird,” she says, her voice tight.
The alarm must be evident on your face as you respond, “Weird how?”
She doesn’t answer as the hand on her chest begins to rub. The monitor begins to beep faster, steady rhythm stuttering.
You’re already on your feet, reaching for the call button, your professional instincts screaming that something is very wrong.
“Okay,” you say, calm tone only due to sheer force of will. “Stay with me, Carrie, the doctor will be here any second.”
Carrie nods but her face has gone pale. Her breathing is shallow and uneven, and you can hear each inhale sounding like work.
“It hurts,” she whispers.
“Where?”
She presses her fist to the center of her chest and then drags it up a little toward her throat. “Everywhere.”
The monitor beeps faster, rising in urgency. Footsteps pound in the hallway and the door jerks open as staff flood in - another nurse, then Mel, pulling on gloves as she takes in the scene.
“What happened?” she demands.
“Sudden severe chest pain, she’s hypotensive and tachy at 115,” you rattle off. “She was stable two minutes ago.”
Carrie lets out a strangled cry, her body curling in on itself. “Oh god - my back -” she chokes out.
Everything accelerates. There are hands everywhere, equipment is clattering, voices are overlapping. The monitor spikes and then dips, rhythm jagged and irregular.
You move to the bedside, taking her hand without thinking. “I’ve got you,” you say, even though the shaking is evident in your voice now. “You’re okay. We’re here.”
Her fingers clamp down on your own with a surprising amount of strength.
“I don’t -” she gasps up at you. “Something’s wrong.”
“I know,” you whisper. “We’re fixing it, we’re going to fix it.”
The blood pressure reading flashes again, lower than before.
“She’s crashing.”
Carrie suddenly stiffens, her shallow breath catching in her chest as she goes painfully still. The monitor emits a flat, continuous tone.
Mel’s head snaps up at the sound. “Pulse?”
You fumble, two fingers against Carrie’s wrist, hands slick with sweat. You haven’t even grabbed gloves. Nothing. You move to her neck, pressing too hard, or maybe not hard enough, panic is scrambling your training.
“I - I don’t have a carotid -”
“Start compressions.”
You drag the step stool to the bed with a hook of your toe around the leg, hands positioning on her sternum, and begin.
One, two, three, four -
Her body yields beneath you in a way that feels wrong for someone who was just talking. Your arms burn almost immediately with the force, adrenaline making your movements jerky.
“Stay with me, Carrie,” you hear yourself saying. “Come on, come on.”
There’s no response, no movement from the woman under you. Just her body, laying flat underneath your hands.
“Switch,” someone says from behind you.
You don’t want to stop. Stopping feels like giving up. But your arms are shaking violently and your compressions are losing depth. Hands replace yours and you stumble back off the stool, your chest heaving as you stare at Carrie’s face - it’s grey now, her lips are tinged blue, eyes half-lidded and empty in a way that makes something primal in your chest hurt.
“Check for rhythm,” Mel orders.
Compressions stop, and the monitor resumes it’s flatline.
“Asystole,” she says. “Resume compressions.”
“Shouldn’t we charge?” The voice beside you makes you jump as you realize student doctor Kwon is also in the room.
“You can’t shock asystole.” The answer comes from both you and Mel at the same time.
Your ears ring and your vision tunnels. At some point you realize you’re crying. Not sobbing, just silent tears slipping down your face, unnoticed as you hover uselessly at the edge of all the chaos.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was talking, smiling even. She was telling you about Gloria.
She was supposed to go home.
Mel glances up at you from across the bed, alarm flickering across her face - but it’s not for the patient, no, it’s for you - before she snaps back into focus.
“Another round,” she says.
No response. The monitor remains stubbornly unchanged.
Time loses shape for you. It could be minutes, it could be forever. Finally, after one more rhythm check, the room goes very still.
Mel’s shoulders rise and fall as she looks at the clock on the wall before calling out time of death.
Hands move around you, disconnecting lines and silencing alarms, covering the body with the sheet up to her shoulders. The frantic energy drains away and leaves a vacuum in it’s wake.
Carrie Burkhart lies motionless in the center of the bed, the peaceful expression on her face feeling like some sort of fucked up joke.
Less than an hour ago she was alive. Talking, laughing, even giving you advice about love.
Now she’s dead.
You feel unsteady on your feet. You grip the edge of the counter behind you to stay upright as you stare at her.
Someone says your name and you don’t respond. Instead, you shove your way out of the room, hand clamped over your mouth as your stomach lurches violently. You need a bathroom, a sink, a garbage can, anything.
You almost walk face-first into Mateo.
He gently grabs your arms to steady you, relief on his face. “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He steps aside, revealing the woman following him. “This is Gloria, Ms. Burkhart’s wife. Where did you put her? I can’t find her name on the board.”
Of course you can’t, because she’s dead.
Your vision tunnels and your throat closes. If you open your mouth, you’re going to be sick, or you’re going to scream, or maybe both. You shake your head and back away from them, one hand dragging along the wall for balance. Before you turn and walk off as fast as you can without outright sprinting through the emergency department.
You don’t make it to the bathroom.
Instead, you’re slumped on the floor, back propped against the wall outside of the family consultation room, where Dr. Robby is inside with Ms. Burkhart’s wife. Screams resonate through the air, devastating and raw, followed by sobs so guttural that they don’t even sound human. The sound carries, it vibrates through the floors even as you press your hands over your ears to try and muffle the sound.
That’s where Dana finds you.
She crouches in front of you, taking in your tear-streaked and pale face, your eyes unfocused like you’re looking through her instead of at her. She doesn’t ask you questions because you can’t answer them anyway. She just places a steady hand on your shoulder and helps you to your feet when you don’t move on your own. You move because she moves you, because resisting would require more energy than you currently possess, and because you just don’t have it in you.
Somewhere along the way she shoves your backpack into your hands. Your shift must’ve been reassigned, she must’ve emptied your locker for you. You don’t remember. Dana’s ushering you out the employee entrance, her muffled advice of “go home and get some sleep, kid” sounding like you’re underwater as it reverberates in your ears.
You make it halfway across the parking lot before you realize someone is calling your name and turn.
Mel is hurrying toward you, concern written across her face. She must’ve caught sight of you leaving early. She stops in front of you, eyes searching your face as she tries to make sense of your swollen eyes, the tear streaks that feel burned into your cheeks.
“Are you okay?”
The question is ridiculous, completely redundant. Of course you’re not.
You shake your head. “No. I’m going home.”
Her eyebrows furrow, worry deepening as she opens her mouth to speak again.
The words come out of you, interrupting her, stripped of inflection, void of protection. Nothing left inside you but the bare truth.
“I’m in love with you.”
She just stares at you for a second, stunned as she processes your words. Her eyes are wide behind her glasses, lips parted in shock as she stands frozen in front of you.
You don’t wait for a response. There isn’t one you could survive right now anyway.
You turn around and continue walking toward your car, the distance between you widening with each step across the asphalt. You keep walking until your car is in front of you, until you’re inside with the engine running and your vision blurring. Only then do you let your head fall forward against the steering wheel, your breath faltering as you break open right there in your car.
Tomorrow, you’ll have to face what you said. Today, you just have to survive it.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
You made it home on autopilot. Your apartment was silent and empty when you got home, and it dawned on you then how terrible an idea it was to go home to be alone in your misery. You’d collapsed into your bed, in your nasty hospital scrubs that you always strip out of the second you walk into the door, and kicked your shoes off the edge of the bed solely so that you didn’t have to wash your bedding tomorrow. The world had bled out of you in a flood of hot and unstoppable tears until your eyes stung and your face was swollen and your body couldn’t produce anymore because of how dehydrated you were.
You’ve been alone with your thoughts since then, the image of Mel’s face burnt into your mind, your own I’m in love with you echoing in your mind. The memory of saying it aloud in the parking lot replays over and over inside your head, regret filling you more each time.
Your body drains completely. Thirst and exhaustion take over where the tears leave off, but your mind refuses to rest. You zone out on your couch, staring at the ceiling. You’re suspended in the awfulness of this day, possibly the worst you can ever remember having.
Hours later, there’s a knock at your door.
You don’t move.
Another knock.
And then a voice, one you’ve heard so often that it’s completely unmistakable even through the door: “Can I come in?”
Your stomach flips and you don’t answer. You just want to curl up and disappear. But every part of you, especially the part that’s been screaming for her for the past six days, knows you can’t hide from this.
The sound of the key in the lock, and the doorknob turns.
Mel steps inside your apartment, removing her spare key from the lock. You’re still slumped on the couch, still caught in the thicket of the numbness as she closes the door behind her.
For a moment she just stands there, staring at you.
“Why are you here?” the hoarseness of your voice surprises you.
“Because…” her voice falters and she adjusts her glasses. You can see her struggling to find words. “You’re not okay.”
You scoff lightly, more out of hurt than humor. “Why do you care? Where was this over the last week?”
Mel flinches because she knows you’re right. She opens her mouth to answer, but stops, because nothing she can say would erase the gap of six days of avoidance. Still, she knows this isn’t entirely fair, you’ve been avoiding her, too.
You take a deep breath. “I…I really, really can’t do this with you tonight. Not after today.”
Before she can respond, you stand from the couch, your body taut and your muscles protesting the stretch of standing after so many hours, and start stalking off toward your bedroom.
“Y’know…” Mel says quietly, almost reluctant in tone as you pass her. “…she told me not to wait.”
You freeze mid-step, just past her. The words are familiar, Ms. Burkhart’s voice saying them to you too just a few hours earlier.
Your chest twists.
When did Mel even talk to her? You were in and out of that room multiple times and never saw her in there alone with the patient. You didn’t know they’d had a conversation, let alone the same one she’d had with you.
You turn back toward her, eyes locking with hers. Neither of you say another word, but there’s weight in the air between you as you just…stare. Then you reach out and take her hand in yours. She hesitates for a moment, then allows you to start pulling her down the hall.
You lead her to your bedroom and close the door behind you. Wordlessly, you climb into your bed, tugging the blanket up with you and she follows, taking the space next to you.
The silence that follows is painful and awkward and until Mel breaks it.
“How long…how long have you known?”
There’s no point in hiding it anymore. “From the start.”
“Before my friends came?”
“Way before,” you confirm.
Mel shifts under the blanket as she turns to face you, her eyes searching yours. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
You take a deep breath, the words heavy on your tongue. “Because I didn’t feel like your life had space for me in that way,” you admit softly. “And…having you in any capacity, even just as your friend, was better than not having you at all.”
She’s curled in close to you in your tiny bed. “And all this time, you just…hid it?”
You look down, ashamed. “I tried. I pretended it wasn’t there, but then…pretending to be your girlfriend - it made it worse. I wish I’d never even offered, because now…now I’m stuck here and I’ve ruined everything. We can’t go back to how we were before, and I can’t…I can’t pretend anymore. Not after having you like that, even if it was just pretend.”
She reaches for your arm, fingers lightly brushing over it, like she needs tactile reassurance before speaking.
“I’ve….I’ve been thinking,” she begins hesitantly, “about…everything. About the past week, and - and that night at the bar.” She pauses as she swallows, her eyes not meeting yours. “I thought…maybe it was just the moment. That whole situation with that guy.” Her hands curl around the blanket, pulling it further up her body as if it’s going to shield her. “But it wasn’t. It wasn’t just that.”
She finally meets your gaze and the vulnerability in her eyes makes your heart lurch. “I didn’t even realize it at first, I didn’t know how I felt about you until…all of this. And then, these past few days, avoiding each other…it’s been awful. But I think it was my own way of trying to…make sense of everything. Make sense of me.”
She swallows hard. “I…I think I love you too. I don’t…I don’t even know when it happened, really, but…I do. I just couldn’t see it, it didn’t make sense until now.”
Her eyes are filled with both hope and uncertainty as she searches yours for any sign of rejection, while also daring to hope for acceptance.
You reach out, cupping her face in your hand, thumb brushing her cheek. She leans against the touch, both hesitant and wanting.
You lean in toward her, your lips brushing against hers. She responds immediately, chasing you when you pull away from her. You tilt your head, parting your lips as you slide your tongue gently into her mouth. It’s instinctive, born of too much time spent in unspoken longing and pent-up emotion. Your hands fist in her shirt and you pull her against you, desperate to have her body close to yours.
But Mel pulls back away from you as you escalate, breathless and wide eyed as her eyes scan your face. “No,” she whispers with a small shake of her head. “Not like this, not right now.”
“But -”
She’s firm as she pulls your hands from her shirt. “Not while you’re like this.”
But you can’t stop, won’t stop. You reach for her waist, forehead pressing to hers, and your voice is desperate as you speak. “Please, just…I need you, I need this. Just…help me. Please, Mel. Please, I need you -”
Her resolve wavers. You can see it in the tremor of her lips, the rise and fall of her chest at your words. She wants you too, just as badly, but she’s holding back. But your pleading pushes her over the edge and her restraint crumbles. Her arms wrap around you, pulling you in as she kisses you again. You respond in kind, fingers tangling in the loose hair at the nape of her neck, letting her drag you close until your body is pressed up against hers under the blanket.
Her tongue prods at your lips and your mouth opens for her. Her fingers dig into the soft skin of your waist and her knee nudges between yours, spreading them. Her knee hovers there between your thighs, not quite giving you what you want, but there for the taking.
So you take.
You rock down against her thigh, breaking from her mouth with a gasp as friction sparks against your clit through your scrub pants. You’re wound too tight, stretched thin with grief and want and adrenaline; you could probably cum like this alone. But it’s not enough, it’ll never be enough.
You need her hands on you.
You shove the blanket down your legs and push up, climbing over her until you’re straddling her thighs while she sits back against the headboard. Her hands settle on your hips automatically, grounding and possessive as you pull your scrub top over your head and toss it aside without caring where it lands.
Your hips roll helplessly against her lap, looking for friction that isn’t there while she pulls you down into another kiss, devouring you like she’s been starving too.
When you pull away for air, she leans forward, shoving your sports bra up and over your breasts, her mouth closing around one nipple immediately, tongue circling with feverish focus. A broken sigh escapes you, your hand cradling the back of her head to keep her there, even though she shows no intention of stopping. She switches sides after a moment, giving the other nipple the same attention, and as she moves, you catch sight of her glasses, fogged from the heat and her breath. A soft giggle escapes you.
You slide the black frames from her face gently, setting them on the nightstand.
The reaction is instant. She presses her face deeper against your chest, her nose smushing into your skin, eyes squeezed shut as she suckles harder, like she needs the contact as much as you do.
Your hips start moving again, grinding against her thighs. One leg slips between hers so you can straddle a single leg more fully, and she lets you, even flexes her thigh beneath you, giving you something solid to grind on.
And god, the feeling of her underneath you. Better than your wildest of wet dreams, rivaled in emotion only by that morning you woke up with her face pressed against your collarbone, her saliva rolling down your skin as she slept on you. Bliss in opposite forms, both intimate but in completely different ways.
You’re so lost in the sensation of her mouth on your chest that you don’t notice her hand sliding beneath the waistband of your pants until her fingers brush your slit through your panties.
“Ah!” You let out a strangled little cry, pathetic sounding even to your own ears as she strokes you over the damp cotton.
Mel angles her arm awkwardly to press her fingertips against your clit, mumbling a muffled “wet” against the fat of your breast as her fingers dip through the leg of your panties and between your soaked folds.
You’re rocking down against her hand, her fingers alternating between flicking gently over your clit and sliding further down to gather your slick before resuming their ministrations against the swollen nub.
“Please,” you whimper above her.
She pulls away from your tit to look up at you, her eyes uncharacteristically dark. “Please what?”
You huff at that, causing her to press further. “Tell me what you want.”
You’re desperate to have her inside you, hips jerking against her hand, but she pulls away. You back up just enough to gawk down at her, stunned.
Mel King, being a fucking tease. An infuriating little smirk on her face as she takes in your disheveled expression.
“Need you,” you finally whine out. “Please.”
That’s what she was waiting for. She presses a hand flat to your sternum, guiding you backward just enough to hook her other fingers into the waistband of your scrub pants, tugging them down your thighs. You lift off her lap obediently, kicking them off along with your panties before settling back over you.
Mel’s legs part just a bit, enough to keep you spread open above her as your knees bracket her own. One hand takes hold of your hips, guiding you down onto her awaiting other. Her ring and middle finger slide inside you easily, wetness dripping down her digits the second they start to slip inside, you desperation laid out for both of you to see.
You whine again as you sink down onto them, and she curls them as you reach her knuckles. The pads of her fingers rub against the spot inside of you that causes your brain to shut down, and you rock against them to rub against it repeatedly. Her thumb finds your clit, solid against the nub as you rock against her fingers, riding her.
A guttural moan tears out of you. You’re already teetering on the edge, too overwhelmed to hold back. You ride her fingers harder, chasing release without shame.
Below you, she watches with blown pupils and parted lips, tiny whimpers of her own escaping her. She tries to hide them against your skin when they threaten to grow louder.
The spark ignites inside you, all-consuming and white-hot like fire. It warms your body, tingles in your toes, pleasure winding tighter and threatening to spill out of you like water. Your back arches as you cum, release spilling over her hand as the walls of your pussy pulse around her fingers.
Your mouth is dry as you come down from your high, folding inward on yourself until your forehead is pressed against hers. She slips her fingers from inside you as you sag against her, panting.
“Open.”
Her wet fingers prod at your lips and you part them obediently, taking her into your mouth and tasting your own release. Your tongue swirls around them, eyes closing blissfully until she rips them from your mouth and presses her own mouth to yours, tongue shoving into your mouth to get a taste herself.
Her hands grip your sides tight like a vice, pulling you off her and subsequentially under her on the bed until she’s hovering over you.
You sit up just enough to start pulling at her clothes, but she stops you with firm hands and a shake of her head.
“No.”
You look up at her, searching her face, confused. “But I want you to -”
Her eyes are set, leaving no room for argument as she shakes her head again. “This is about you.”
Now it’s your turn to shake your head, eyes wide. “Mel, no. I don’t - I don’t want you doing this just for me, just because I -”
She cuts you off with a press of her lips to yours, both hands grasping your face to hold you to her. When she pulls away, she breathes, “This isn’t just for you. This is about you. You need this…and I want you. I want this.”
You search her face for doubt, for hesitation, for anything that might indicate she isn’t being entirely truthful with you. But there’s nothing there but want, raw and unmistakable.
So you give in.
Satisfied with your submission, Mel slides down your body until she settles between your spread legs. Her arms hook around the outside of your thighs, holding you open as her tongue drags slowly up your slit.
The sensation pulls a moan from you, your head tilting back on the pillow as she latches onto your clit. The world narrows to the slide of her tongue, her confidence growing as she begins to pull sound after sound from you.
Mel is content like this, her face buried in your pussy, no glasses to fog up as she breathes heavily through her nose. Not even willing to break from your clit to take a full breath of air. She starts slow, dragging out your pleasure until the sounds falling from your lips become too tempting, she needs to hear more, needs to watch you cum from only her mouth.
When she glances up at you, your eyes are rolled back, thighs shaking around her head, hands gripping her hair to hold her in place as your hips roll against her face, chasing the feeling.
You’ve never felt like this before, another orgasm building so quickly, so desperate for her as you whimper, as you beg her for more. Your fingers tangle in her braid as the feeling consumes you and you cum again against her mouth, pussy fluttering around nothing as you let out a breathless cry. It feels like eons as you ride out the aftershocks, finally collapsing into the bed, spent.
Mel releases you, drawing back, her face shining with your slick. You reach for her, your hands clasping around her arm to pull her down next to you on the pillows. She comes willingly, collapsing next to you without a fight.
You curl into her automatically. “Are you sure I can’t return the favor?”
“Not tonight,” she says, still catching her breath.
“What can I do for you?” you ask. “Tell me, give me something.”
She’s silent for a moment as she ponders.
“I could use a shower.”
She doesn’t move right away, and neither do you. The bedroom is quiet except for the sound of your breathing. Then you squeeze her hand.
“C’mon,” you murmur.
She lets you pull her upright. Your own legs are shaky, like they belong to someone else as they wobble underneath you, but her hand is firm around yours as you lead her down the hall to the bathroom. The light is too bright at first and it forces your eyes to squint as you reach in and start the water.
You share the shower in a comfortable silence, neither of you speaking much. There isn’t anything left that needs saying.
She’s naked. You try not to stare, you really do. But your eyes keep drifting anyway, drawn helplessly to the familiar shape of her body that’s suddenly new without layers of clothes in the way. Each time she catches you looking, her cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink, followed by a shy little duck of her head before she does her best to pretend like nothing happened. It only makes you want to look more, both equal parts awed and nervous of making her more self-conscious.
When you finally exit the shower, it’s been much longer than necessary, neither of you seeming to want to leave the comfort of the hot water. But exhaustion pulls at you both and you wander out to the bedroom, hair still dripping as you pull clothes for both of you from your drawers.
Whether she stays here or not tonight, you know Mel won’t want to get back into her dirty scrubs immediately after a shower.
You sit on the edge of the bed while she gathers her wet hair from her face, and only then does the reality of the hour seem to take root in her mind.
“Becca,” she says quietly, more to herself than to you.
Right. Becca is at their apartment. Waiting.
The bubble you’re in shifts, prepared to fully burst wit her next action.
Mel steps closer to you, stopping when she’s just within reach. Her hands hover before settling lightly on your shoulders and she sinks down to her knees in front of you.
“I can’t stay,” she says softly. “But I’m not leaving you here by yourself.”
Your eyes lift to hers, surprised.
She hesitates, but not like she’s uncertain. More like she wants to make sure you really hear what she offers next:
“Come home with me,” she says. “Stay the night. Actually, stay as long as you want.”
The impact is enormous. An invitation into her real life, more than just her best friend, more than her fake girlfriend. An intimate space inside her world, created just for you.
Carrie’s voice surfaces in your mind again.
Don’t wait.
Your fingers catch in the hem of your own shirt on her body. “Are you sure?”
Her expression is soft, relaxed in a way you rarely see on her. “I’m sure.”
Emotion surges so suddenly within you that it steals your breath, relief coursing through your veins until you can’t hold it in and it comes out in words.
“I love you.”
Her eyes close for a moment, like she can physically feel the words. When she opens them again, there’s light inside them.
“I love you too.”
She stands, but leans back down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “C’mon,” she murmurs against your hair. “Let’s get you out of here.”
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
Enjoy this? Check out my Masterlist.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
@li22ie2017 and @somemetallyillbitch both asked to be tagged in this, so here you go 💛
Summary: when Mel’s friends from college come to visit, there’s only one way to keep them off her back, and it’s your job as her best friend to help her. How hard can pretending to be someone’s girlfriend really be?
CW: fake dating, friends-to-lovers, mutual pining, fluff, angst, kissing, kind of a slow burn, unresolved tension (in this part), homophobic language (use of “dyke” in a derogatory way), alcohol consumption, a man hitting on you for the plot.
WC: 12.2k
Tightrope (part 2)
A/N: this is the longest piece I’ve written on Tumblr so far.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
You learned very quickly on her first day that people had a habit of walking away while Melissa King was still talking.
Not in an intentionally cruel way, but more like just drifting away. Nodding halfway through her explanation and then peeling off the second something bigger demanded their attention. She would never call them back or raise her voice, she would just let the rest of her sentence fall away and move on like she hadn’t been speaking at all.
You hated it.
Mel listens to everyone. Patients rambling about their lives, family members who are spiraling, med students panicking, you name it. She gives her full attention like it’s an unlimited resource. It bothered you that she poured so much into other people and rarely seemed to receive the same in return.
So you decided it had to be you.
At first, it had been small things: lingering after a conversation so she could actually finish her thought with another person in front of her. Asking follow-up questions when she would say something about her personal life. Seeking her out toward the end of a shift for something that wasn’t about a patient.
The first time you approached her about having dinner together, she’d looked almost startled, like she couldn’t figure out why someone would want her company without some sort of agenda. When she explained that she wanted to, but she had to pick up her sister from her day center, you adjusted the plan like it was no big deal. You ordered far too much spaghetti and garlic bread from Pasta Too and showed up at her apartment an hour later.
That was the first time you met Becca. The first time you saw Mel in her own space, far more relaxed than you’d ever seen her at work. You ate at her tiny dining room table while Becca explained why Pasta Too’s spaghetti is actually better than Sienna Mercato’s and Mel laughed along in a way that felt sincere.
After that, friendship settled in naturally. You weren’t work-friends, you were real friends. You learned the King sisters’ routines and had your own specific mug at their apartment.
And at some point, your reasons for showing up became a little less simple.
You told yourself it was just loyalty, or maybe protectiveness over Mel and her casual kindness that she gave a little too freely. Just the satisfaction of being the one person who didn’t walk away from her mid-sentence.
It was easier to just not think about it too much.
Mel was always careful with her heart, and you’ve never been sure there was space for you in that way, not when her life is already so full of responsibility, and certainly not when she’s never once looked at you like she’s wondering.
So you let the feeling hide away in the back of your thoughts where you could keep it smothered. Friendship, after all, was something you already had and you weren’t about to risk losing it.
Which is why, when Mel is off her game today, you notice immediately.
She normally doesn’t miss things. She doesn’t drift her attention in and out during work when nothing is wrong, and she certainly doesn’t stand in the middle of the ER staring at the board blankly until someone calls her name.
But today she does, and you don’t know why.
“Dr. King?” you say gently, nudging her elbow with yours. “You’re still with me, right?”
She blinks like she’s surfacing from underwater. “Right, sorry.”
You’ve watch her the entire morning. She’s competent - she’s always competent - but she’s quieter than normal, even for her. She’s slower between cases, and her smile at a patient’s joke hits her face half a second later than usual.
When you finally get five uninterrupted minutes where nobody is demanding either of your attention, you drag her toward the supply room, closing the door with your hip behind you.
“Okay,” you sigh. “What’s going on with you today?”
Mel doesn’t look at you, instead choosing to count suture kits that don’t require counting.
“Nothing.”
You lean against a shelf, arms crossed in front of your chest and a look of disbelief on your face. “Mel.”
Her tongue pokes the inside of her cheek as she deliberates. Then, with a resigned sigh, she says, “Charlie and Sabrina are coming into town.”
You frown, trying to recall the familiar names from your list of knowledge about Mel. “Those are your college friends, right?”
She nods.
You’ve heard about them before: stories about shared dorm kitchens and bad boyfriends and finals week meltdowns. They were the kind of friends who help shaped Mel when she was in college, long before her mother passed and life changed for Mel and Becca.
“That’s good, isn’t it?” you ask carefully. “You haven’t seen them in what, a year?”
“Eight months,” she corrects. “They come every year.”
“…and they’re staying with you?”
“On my couch,” Mel sighs. “For a few days.”
“So why do you look like someone just told you we’re short staffed for the next month?”
That almost gets a smile out of her.
“Because,” she says, exhaling through her nose, “every time they visit, it becomes a State of the Union on my personal life.”
You blink. “What does that even mean?”
“It means they think I’m overworked. Burnt out. Alone.” She shrugs one shoulder, still not meeting your eyes. “They’re not totally wrong.”
You purse your lips as she goes on.
“They just…” she pauses, looking for the words. “They care. They don’t want me pouring everything into work and Becca and ending up with nothing for myself.”
“That’s not a bad thing.”
“I know,” Mel says, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “I just don’t have the bandwidth for it right now.”
You soften a little. You know what her days look like. Long shifts, sometimes taking tablets home to finish charting at midnight. Checking in on Becca throughout the day, picking her up in the evenings, making sure her routine isn’t ever disrupted.
“So what do they do?” you ask. “Interrogate you?”
She huffs. “It’s more like…persistent encouragement.”
You’re more confused than ever at why any of this is a bad thing. “That just sounds like they love you.” You study her face, trying to understand what she isn’t saying.
Then, a lightbulb.
“They’re pushy about your love life, aren’t they?”
“Very.”
You nod slowly with the realization. “Okay, so we solve that.”
Mel’s brow furrows. “We?”
“Yeah, we.”
Mel leans back against the shelves next to you. “Unless you can find me a partner in the next two days, I don’t see how you’re going to be much help.”
An awkward laugh follows her words, both defensive and dismissive.
You exchange a look, and the conversation is left dangling as Dana’s muffled voice calls out an incoming trauma from the nurse’s station. Mel heads out of the supply room quickly, ducking her head to try and avoid others noticing the flush on her face at the very private topic of her love life.
You follow, silently brainstorming practically the rest of the day on how to help her.
All day, every time she appears, you notice how her eyes unfocus when nobody is watching her. The little tense curl of her shoulders as she, too, is clearly trying to solve this problem between patients.
And every time, you catch yourself thinking about how you could fix this. How you could make it easier for her.
She’s your friend, after all, right? That’s what friends do.
At the end of your shift, you spot her leaving through the employee door of the hospital. She’s checking her bag, a thin coat draped over one arm and her phone in her hand. The hallway is otherwise empty, not a soul coming in or out.
Perfect.
You fall into step beside her. “Hey.”
Mel glances up with a surprised expression. “Hey.”
“About earlier.” You pause. “I think I found a way to help.”
Her eyebrows furrow as she focuses on your face. “How?”
You stop walking as you make it out the door, standing close enough to her that the cool air feels different outside of the hospital. “I could…pretend to be your partner.”
She also stops walking, mid-step. “Excuse me?”
“Just for a few days,” you clarify quickly. “We tell your friends we’ve been seeing each other, they leave you alone about it, and then they leave and we never have to talk about it ever again.”
You can see the cogs turning in Mel’s head as she says, “…you would do that for me?”
“Who could do it better?” you urge, reaching out and taking hold of her arms gently just above her elbows. “We already spend time together outside the hospital, Becca knows me, I’ve been to your apartment and you’ve been to mine before. It’s a minimal disruption to your life and you get your friends off your back.”
She’s clearly weighing the risk, her gaze lifted somewhere above your heads as she thinks.
“I need to think about it,” she finally says, looking at you.
“Okay.”
Apparently, Mel didn’t have to think about it for long.
The following night, you’d barely had the energy to shower, let alone cook, so dinner had consisted of crackers, a string cheese, and the electrolyte drink you’d bought during your last grocery run when you were trying to be healthier and then forgotten about it until it was the only thing you had besides water.
Now, you’re curled sideways on the couch in an oversized sweatshirt and sleep shorts, a cooling face mask tight across your skin while Love Island plays to an audience of one just a little after 9pm.
Your phone buzzes against the arm of the couch.
Are you awake?
You smile at your phone, picturing Mel on the other end, practically sending a u up? text.
Yeah, what’s up?
Barely a moment passes before your screen lights up again.
Can you come over please? Becca just went to bed.
Your pulse stutters for reasons you refuse to think about, even as you jump off your couch and pull on your coat.
Her apartment isn’t too far from yours, and it’s both silent and mostly dark when you arrive.
She opens the door before you can knock, as if she’s been standing just inside waiting. Given she waited until after Becca was in bed to text you, you assume that was on purpose.
“Hey,” she says softly. “Come on in.”
The TV murmurs faintly from her living room, the volume low. A blanket is rumpled on the couch, telling you that Mel had been mirroring you in your own home.
You slip off your shoes at the front door. You’ve been here enough to know the rhythm of Mel’s apartment.
For a moment she just stands there, her arms folded, like she’s rehearsing words in her head. Then she sighs, closing her eyes.
“I…I want to do it.”
You blink. “Do it?”
“The pretending,” she says with a small, awkward gesture of her hands. “Us, dating. For my friends.”
You smile, mostly out of surprise. “Oh, okay, yeah, let’s do it.”
Mel nods, hurrying past you to the kitchen counter, where she retrieves a folded sheet of lined paper. “I made a list of things we should think about.”
Of course she did.
You can’t stop the small laugh that escapes you as she hands you the paper, filled with her handwriting. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
“I was up most of last night,” she admits, not looking even a little embarrassed.
Her handwriting is neat but urgent, like she didn’t want to lose track of the thoughts as they came.
• Becca needs to know it isn’t real.
So her routine won’t be bothered when Mel’s friends leave, that one you understand.
• Relationship details planned ahead.
Makes sense, you need a cohesive story.
• No surprises in front of Becca.
Again, another one you understand. Mel always puts Becca first, anything that would disrupt or dysregulate her is an immediate no.
Your eyes drift over the rest of the list of what seems to be rules, until they finally reach the last line.
• Rules for PDA???
You look up, your eyebrows lifting as your gaze settles on Mel’s face.
She doesn’t even question which one you’re looking at, pressing her lips together firmly. “That one felt…necessary.”
You bite back another smile at her thoroughness. “Are we workshopping these rules right now?”
Mel takes a seat on her couch and you follow suit at the other end, drawing your knees up to your chest. “If we don’t do this right, it’s only going to make them ask more questions.”
“So,” you say carefully, “what kind of rules do you think we should have?”
She looks up until her eyes catch yours, then back down at her hands nervously. “I don’t know,” she admits.
You scoot across the couch until you’re on the seat next to her, and she almost shrinks under your gaze. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you say slowly. And then you reach for her hand, taking it in yours. “Are you okay with this?”
Mel inhales, short and quick as she looks down at your joined hands. “Yeah, that’s okay.”
Her hand is warm in yours, and you let go before you can think too much about the contact.
“What about hugging?” you ask.
Her head lifts immediately, brows drawing together in confusion. “We’ve hugged before.”
There’s just a tiny bit of defensiveness in her tone. It’s not anger, more like she thinks you’re implying she’s fragile and can’t stand to be touched.
You smile gently. “I know, but I’m not talking about end-of-shift, ‘good job surviving’ hugs.”
She tilts her head a little as you go on.
“I mean,” you clarify, “if we’re pretending. Would your…partner need permission every time? Or is it normal to just -” you hesitate, searching for neutral phrasing. “Touch you.”
Her gaze drops to your hands again, though you’re no longer touching.
“I didn’t think about that,” she admits quietly.
You nod. “Like, if I came up behind you, would that be okay? Or would you want a warning first?”
Mel’s mouth tilts to one side, thoughtful. “I don’t like being surprised,” she says. “But I don’t need formal permission. Just…try not to sneak up on me.”
You study her face, searching for any discomfort there. “Mel,” you say gently, reaching out to take her hand again. She doesn’t pull away. “We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. If this is too much, we don’t have to do it. Your friends can kick rocks.”
“It’s okay,” she says quickly, looking back up at you. “I just don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”
Your thumb brushes across the back of her hand lightly.
“It won’t,” you promise. “We’re not changing anything. When they leave, everything will go back to normal.”
The words sound simple and sensible.
Mel’s shoulders loosen, tension easing from her posture as she nods in agreement.
You give her hand one last reassuring squeeze before letting go, leaning back into the couch.
Normal. Everything will go back to normal.
But as Mel relaxes beside you and the conversation moves back to your usual friendly banter, a quiet unease settles in your chest.
Because you’re not fully sure your heart understands the word pretend. And you’re not sure, once that door opens, that you’ll be able to close it again.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
The following day comes too soon, and your shift is over faster than you expected. By the time you’ve clocked out, your feet ache and your brain feels like it’s been wrung dry.
It had been one of those shifts, full of non-stop call lights, two near-misses that left your adrenaline spiking for over an hour after each, and the kind of emotional exhaustion that settled deep in your bones. All you really want is a boiling hot shower, your own bed, and eight uninterrupted hours of silence.
Instead, your phone buzzed in your pocket long before your shift had ended, reminding you of your self-assigned responsibility.
They’re here. Making dinner.
You had stared at the message for a long time when it came in two hours ago, your exhaustion warring with obligation.
No pressure.
Right.
You want to go home. You want to collapse face-first into your pillow and pretend you never offered any of this.
But Mel is expecting you. And more than that, she’s counting on you.
So now you’re in your car, the engine humming beneath you as the city lights slide past in familiar turns and traffic lights while the sky dims into a soft blue-gray as the daytime turns to evening.
Your hands tighten on the steering wheel, and you tell yourself that it’s just nerves. This is acting, that’s all.
You and Mel are friends who are going to pretend to be girlfriends for a few days. You’ve run through the plan a dozen times since last night. Becca already knows, Mel promised she had explained everything. Everyone is on the same page.
Still, a small, treacherous worry creeps its way into your thoughts.
What if Becca forgets and says something? What if she cheerfully announces they’re pretending! halfway through dinner?
You sigh and try to shake your head of the thought.
Mel wouldn’t have agreed to this if she thought it would upset her sister in any way. And Becca knows you, she trusts you. That has to count for something.
At a red light, you flex your fingers against the steering wheel to try and steady your heart pounding in your chest.
This is no different than acting. You just have to be warm and familiar, and a little affectionate. Physical affection, you remind yourself, is part of the performance. Hugging. Sitting close. Holding her hand.
Your stomach flips and you try to force yourself to focus on the practical stuff instead.
A couple of months, that’s the story you’ve agreed on.
Long enough that sleepovers make sense; your toothbrush is already sitting beside Mel’s in the holder, your spare hoodie is hanging in her hall closet, a pair of socks in her dresser like you’re there all the time.
But not long enough that Charlie and Sabrina will be upset she didn’t tell them right away.
You’re new and easy and still in the honeymoon phase. You can do the honeymoon phase.
You pull into the parking lot of Mel’s apartment complex, parking in the closest spot you can find to the building’s single entry door. You turn off the engine and sit there for a moment, listening to the ticking quiet of the cooling car. Then you reach for your bag, step out into the cool air, and head toward the building.
When you make it to her floor, the spare key she’d given you slides easily into the lock.
You don’t hesitate. Because if you hesitate, you’ll overthink everything, and you’ve already done enough of that in the car.
The door opens to the warm, lived-in comfort you’ve come to associate with Mel’s apartment: there’s the low hum of voices, the soft clatter of dishes, and the unmistakable smell of garlic in sauce on the stove.
You toe off your shoes beside the door like you always do and set your backpack down.
“I’m home,” you call, the rehearsed words leaving your mouth before you can second-guess them.
The conversation and laughter coming from the kitchen halts immediately and silence takes its place.
From where you stand in the entryway, you can see the layout clearly: Becca and two women you don’t recognize are seated at the dining table, mid-conversation, their attention slowly pivoting toward you. One of them holds a drink in her hand, hovering mid-air like she was about to take a sip before you interrupted.
Mel stands at the small island with her back to the room, her shoulders hunched in concentration as she chops vegetables. She hasn’t turned around, clearly more prepared for you than anyone else was.
This is it.
You cross the apartment room on quiet feet, slipping into Mel’s personal space like you’re comfortable doing it. For half a second you catch the smell of her strawberry shampoo, the soft cotton of her shirt brushing your forearm as you wrap your arms gently around her waist.
You feel her entire body jolt in surprise at the contact.
Before she can turn, before you lose your nerve, you lean in and press a soft kiss to the curve of her shoulder.
Three things happen at once:
The first is that your own heart kickstarts into overdrive. You’re pretty sure Mel can feel it against her back, it’s pounding that hard against your chest. Your lips against her body, even through her shirt, is too much for your poor nervous system to take.
The second is that Mel freezes.
Not the small startle you’d expected from her, like when you first touched her, and certainly not the quick recovery you both rehearsed for, but a full, stunned stillness, as if her brain is short-circuiting. The knife remains suspended in her hand above the cutting board. You can feel the sudden inhale she takes, the way she goes rigid beneath your arms.
And the third, behind you, the room goes utterly and profoundly still.
You glance behind you.
Becca’s expression is bright with recognition and something like poorly-contained delight.
The other two women are looking at you like you’ve just materialized out of thin air.
You loosen your hold a little, suddenly aware of the heat that’s rushing into your face, the way Mel hasn’t moved an inch.
“Hi,” you say, voice soft, uncertain.
The taller of the two women, a redhead, blinks first. “Who are you?”
You glance at Mel, still frozen in front of you, then back at them, offering a small, sheepish smile. “I’m…I’m Mel’s -” you falter, unsure of yourself. “She didn’t tell you?”
Mel finally turns around in your arms. Her face is pink and her eyes are wide, the shock slowly giving way to embarrassment. A flicker of nervous laughter hovers at the corner of her mouth.
“I was going to,” she admits. “I just…hadn’t gotten there yet.”
The two women remain frozen. The one holding the drink sets it down very carefully.
Becca looks between all of you, clearly thrilled. Your name leaves her mouth suddenly, loud and excited. “That’s Mel’s girlfriend!”
The declaration lands in the room like a dropped plate.
Charlie and Sabrina, though you’re not sure which is which, both snap their attention from Becca back to you, then to Mel, then back again - their expressions astonished.
Mel lets out a small laugh that’s clearly made out of panic. “I -” She glances up at you, her cheeks flushed an even darker shade of pink. “Yeah, this is - we’re -”
You squeeze her lightly, trying to ground her before she can spiral.
“Hi,” you say gently, offering a small and apologetic smile. “Sorry for the dramatic entrance.”
Neither of them responds immediately.
Becca, however, looks immensely pleased with herself.
The brunette leans back in her chair, eyes wide. “Mel,” she says slowly, “you literally told me on the phone the other day that you don’t have time to date.”
“I didn’t say that,” Mel mutters.
The other woman gestures vaguely in your direction. “There is a person attached to you.”
You become acutely aware of your arms still around Mel’s waist, and you take a step back from her.
Mel sighs, tension cracking into shy resignation. “I-I was going to tell you,” she says. “It’s just…new.”
New.
Becca nods emphatically, as if confirming everything.
Charlie and Sabrina are still staring at the two of you, processing, rewriting the narrative in real time.
And slowly - very slowly - the shock in the room begins to melt into other things.
Curiosity. Delight. And the sense that your relationship has just become the most interesting development of their entire visit.
The silence breaks all at once.
The redhead recovers first, shoving her chair back as she stands and crosses the short distance toward you, her eyes bright with disbelief and curiosity.
“I’m Charlie,” she says, studying you. “And I have questions.”
The brunette rises more slowly, though her expression is just as stunned. “Sabrina,” she introduces herself, shaking her head like she can’t believe what she’s seeing. “Jesus, Mel, we leave you alone for five minutes…”
Mel makes a strangled noise behind you and abruptly turns back to the cutting board, knife meeting wood in quick thunks that suggest she’s channeling every ounce of her flustered energy into chopping the veggies.
“It’s really nice to meet you both,” you say.
Charlie leans an elbow on the counter like she’s settling in for an interview. “How long have you been dating?”
“Charlie,” Mel says warily without turning around.
“What? I’m pacing myself.”
“Two months,” you answer, trying to keep your tone easy.
Sabrina’s eyebrows shoot upward. “Only two months?”
Behind you, the knife pauses for a second before resuming it’s rhythm.
Becca, meanwhile, is practically vibrating in her chair. “They hold hands when they watch TV,” she announces proudly.
Mel drops a piece of zucchini.
“Becca,” she says weakly.
“And she sleeps over all the time,” Becca continues, clearly taking delight in divulging fake details. “Her toothbrush is blue.”
Your face warms.
Charlie presses her lips together, fighting a grin and losing. Sabrina looks openly charmed.
Mel’s shoulders creep higher toward her ears.
You take pity on her.
“I’m going to go change,” you say gently, placing a hand on the small of Mel’s back in passing. “Long shift.”
Mel nods quickly without turning around. “Yeah. Go. Please.”
Becca waves enthusiastically as you retreat down the hall like you live here - which, for the purposes of the next few days, you pretty much do.
You change into the clothes you’d stashed here yesterday: soft sweatpants and a tank top, the comfort of them helping to settle your nerves. The muffled cadence of voices carries from the kitchen, and you’re unable to make out the words, but they’re animated.
But while you’re gone -
Mel keeps her eyes on the cutting board long after you’ve disappeared down the hall.
The moment the bedroom door clicks shut, Charlie leans forward, her voice dropping to an urgent whisper.
“Mel.”
Mel sighs, “Don’t.”
Sabrina’s smile is soft. “She’s so cute.”
Mel’s knife slows.
Charlie props her chin on her hand. “Also, the way she walked in and just -” she gestures vaguely towards Mel, “-claimed her spot?”
Sabrina studies Mel’s back for a moment, thinking heavily. “Hey,” she says quietly. “Why didn’t you tell us? Really.”
Mel shrugs with a small lift of one shoulder. “I told you, it’s new.”
“Did you think we wouldn’t be happy for you?”
Mel’s brows knit faintly. “What? No.”
Sabrina presses, but carefully. “We’ve been giving you grief about dating for years now. Was it because we always said ‘boyfriend’?”
There’s no accusation in it. Just a question.
Mel finally turns around, knife in hand, leaning back against the counter.
“I didn’t think you’d be upset,” she says. “I just…didn’t want it to be a thing. You guys already think I work too much, and with Becca and everything else…” she gestures vaguely. “I didn’t want to add another conversation.”
Charlie frowns a little. “The only reason we’ve ever bothered you about dating is because we want you to be happy. We don’t care who it is.”
Sabrina nods. “If anything, I’m just offended you didn’t call me after your first date.”
Mel’s face flushes immediately. “I didn’t - it’s not -”
Becca kicks her feet under the table, happy with both the chaos and her sister’s embarrassment.
“For the record?” Charlie grins.
Mel looks up warily.
“She’s cute,” Charlie says. “And the way she looks at you? Yeah. I approve.”
Sabrina nods again. “Very much.”
Mel presses her lips together tightly, failing to hide the warmth and the smile creeping into her expression. “I know,” she admits quietly.
Dinner is surprisingly natural once you return.
Without making a big spectacle of it, you move alongside Mel in the kitchen - pulling plates from the cabinet she always uses, setting the table, spooning pasta and vegetables into neat portions that don’t touch on Becca’s plate while Mel protests that she can do it herself.
“You cooked,” you remind her, brushing past her. “Sit down.”
Mel only hesitates for a moment before relenting, her shoulders relaxing as she slides into the chair beside Becca.
You place a plate in front of Mel, another in front of Becca, and pause when Becca looks up at you expectantly.
You smile. This, you’ve done a thousand times.
“Orange juice?” you offer.
She nods enthusiastically.
“Coming right up.”
By the time you sit down with your own plate, this feels like things are back to normal. No forced niceness or awkward small talk, just having dinner instead of performing for Mel’s friends. It makes everything feel like less of a lie.
Charlie and Sabrina exchange looks over their forks any time you and Mel interact.
They don’t say it outright, but it’s obvious in their expressions with every gesture.
Questions come, but they arrive wrapped in curiosity rather than interrogation. How did you meet? Who asked who out? Do you work the same shifts often? Is Mel finally taking days off? You move through them carefully, Mel’s awkwardness at the nature of the questions helping make your answers feel natural.
A couple of months. Work friends first. Coffee after a long shift. It just sort of happened.
Becca contributes freely, offering enthusiastic confirmation of dinners and movie nights and hand-holding like she’s your relationship’s personal publicist.
Mel’s friends seem pleased with all of it.
By the time dishes are rinsed and stacked and the apartment settles into nighttime quiet, the initial shock has settled into warm approval. Eventually, yawns begin to spread around the living room. Blankets are claimed, the couch is prepared with pillows, and lights are dimmed.
You and Mel exchange a glance.
So far, so good.
The bedroom door closes softly behind you.
The quiet feels immediate and intimate after the grilling conversation you’ve been fielding all evening.
For a moment, you and Mel just stand there in her bedroom, looking at each other - then, like a string that’s been pulled too tight finally snapping, you both dissolve into soft, nervous laughter.
“Oh my god,” you whisper.
“I know,” she breathes, pressing a hand to her forehead as she leans back against the door. “Charlie’s face when you walked in -”
“You froze.”
“You kissed my shoulder!”
“You should’ve seen your face!”
She laughs again, trying to muffle the sound in the sleeve of her shirt.
“I thought I was prepared,” she admits. “I was not prepared.”
You grin, keeping your voice low as you say, “For what it’s worth, I think they believe us.”
Mel nods, passing you to flop onto her bed. “Yeah, they definitely do.” She’s quiet for a moment before adding, “Becca is being…extremely helpful.”
You smile, following to sit next to her. “She’s committed to the mission.”
She laughs, throwing an arm over her face, shielding her from the overhead light. You hurry back to the door, flipping off the ceiling light and instead turning on the lamp by her bedside.
“You know,” she says after a moment, not quite meeting your eyes, “you don’t actually have to stay the night. If you want to sneak out once everyone’s asleep, that’s okay.”
The words are soft and almost insecure.
You tilt your head. “Do you not want me to stay?”
Mel flushes instantly and she turns her head away under the pretense of smoothing the edge of her comforter, refusing to look at you.
“Of course not,” she says quickly. “Having you here has made this…a lot easier for me. It's actually kind of fun, pretending.”
You watch her reach up and tuck a corner of the blanket, redundant since it’ll be pulled back soon anyway. The movement betrays her nerves.
“I’m going to go brush my teeth then,” you say, keeping your voice low for the sleeping apartment beyond the bedroom door. “I’ll be right back.”
Mel nods quickly. “Okay.”
You offer her a small smile before disappearing into the hallway, the door closing behind you.
Mel exhales slowly, pressing her fingertips into her forehead to steady herself.
She can still feel the ghost of your arms around her waist earlier, she thinks back on the way you plated her dinner, poured Becca’s juice. The way you move around them like you’re part of her home.
This is supposed to be pretend.
Instead, watching you walk out of her bedroom toward the bathroom, your hair still slightly mussed from your long shift, something else is settling in her chest. A strange awareness that having you here, acting the way you are, doesn’t feel like much of an act at all.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
The first light of morning is just barely brushing the edges of the blinds, painting the room in soft gold rays. You stir, only half-aware of the alarmingly cozy weight draped over you.
And then you open your eyes.
Mel is pressed up against you, her face tucked into your collarbone, both arms curled around your waist, one over, one under you. Her legs are tangled with yours, her body molded against you in a way that feels almost possessive. You inhale slowly, trying not to move too much, because you’re sure that the moment you do, the spell will break.
She’s asleep, but it’s not the restless sleep you’ve seen her in after a long shift when she falls asleep on her couch before you’ve left her apartment. There’s no furrowed brow, no twitch to her limbs. She’s just peaceful right now. The rise and fall of her chest is steady and calm, and it makes your heart squeeze.
You can feel the weight of her arms, the gentle press of her soft skin against yours, and the warmth of her hair brushing across your chest, stray hairs falling out of her usual braid. Your fingers itch to smooth her hair down, to trace the line of her arm. But you stay still, because again, this is delicate and you’re painfully aware that it’s stolen time.
Pretend. It’s just pretend.
But your thoughts betray you. Your chest feels tight, it knows you’re lying to yourself. You’ve been pretending for the last twelve hours straight, but the longer you hold her in this exact minute, the less fake it feels. You wonder if she knows deep down that this is no longer just a mission or a favor to you - that this isn’t entirely pretend.
A small, sleepy sigh escapes her lips and you catch the tiniest smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, even in her sleep. You let your hand drift lightly along her back, just enough to feel the warmth of her body under the blanket, careful not to wake her.
Time seems to stretch. A minute is an hour, an hour is a second.
Eventually, though, the morning nudges you toward motion. You don’t want to get up, but you also know the world is coming. And with it will come Mel’s shift at the hospital.
She works today, you don’t.
Against your better judgment, you press a soft kiss to the top of her head. She moves just a little in her sleep and her arms tighten around you, her body trying hard to avoid the wake-up that her mind is heading toward.
“Coffee?” you whisper softly, more to yourself than her, partially because speaking her name might wake her and also because you know she doesn’t actually like coffee.
A soft groan drifts from her lips.
Careful not to wake her further, you slowly begin untangling yourself from Mel. One arm slips out, then a leg, moving cautiously. Her weight shifts against you, a small stir in her sleep.
Don’t wake her. Don’t wake her.
Finally, you’re free - fully separate, but the warmth of her still lingers on your skin. Relief washes over you for a moment…until you catch a glint of moisture on your collarbone.
Oh.
She’s drooled on you.
You giggle softly, trying to be discreet as you dab at it with the blanket, heart hammering. And that’s exactly when her eyes flutter open.
She blinks, slow and still half-asleep, and looks up at you. For a heartbeat, you think she’s going to say something, or maybe even recoil. But instead, she just watches you carefully, the tiniest trace of embarrassment in her gaze. Her mouth quirks to the side both in shyness and amusement, and she doesn’t look away.
“Morning,” she murmurs, her voice husky from sleep.
“Morning,” you echo quietly.
You both move to get ready - brushing your teeth, pulling on clothes and glasses, and tidying up her bed together quietly. There’s a strange feeling in the air, almost as if both of you are aware of the lingering closeness, the newness of it, yet trying not to admit it out loud.
By the time you emerge into the living room, the sun is rising higher, painting the apartment in gold. Becca is already perched on the couch, chatting happily with Charlie and Sabrina, who are lounging comfortably and clearly already invested in the dynamic.
“Morning!” Becca calls, her eyes lighting up when she sees you.
Charlie and Sabrina glance up, both smiling warmly, and you offer a small, nervous wave.
Mel stands behind you, her glasses propped up on top of her head as she rubs her eyes and greets the trio with a yawn.
You make your way into the kitchen, tying your hair back as you go, then opening the fridge and get to work making breakfast like you’re the host here.
Eggs crack softly against the bowl’s rim. Butter melts in the pan with a gentle hiss. Bread slides into the toaster. You rinse strawberries, slice them into halves, then add blueberries and orange slices to a bowl for everyone to share.
The eggs cook quickly - they’re just for you, Charlie, and Sabrina. Mel and Becca both hate the texture, something you learned toward the beginning of your friendship during a late-evening takeout debate on whether or not breakfast foods were acceptable as dinner.
The answer, by the way, was a resounding no from both of them. You disagreed.
Hyper-aware of Sabrina’s eyes on you from the living room and the need for performance, you call out softly, “Babe, can you c’mere for a moment?”
There’s a pause in conversation, and it seems to take Mel a moment to register that you’re talking to her. She appears in the entry to the kitchen, crossing the room slowly. When she reaches you, you slide an arm around her waist and pull her gently against your side, your lips brushing the side of her head.
Her body goes still.
You lean closer, your voice barely a whisper that’s meant only for her. “If you want them to stop interrogating you,” you murmur, “you’re gonna have to sell it a little harder.”
Mel exhales softly, and you can almost feel the decision as she makes it. Her fingers curl into the front of your shirt and she leans into you, resting her cheek against your shoulder, her arms wrapping around your middle as she buries her face against your neck.
“Better,” you whisper, continuing to flip the eggs. “I made breakfast,” you say, your voice returning to normal volume so everyone can hear you. “Figured you and Becks might want fruit.”
“Yes please!” you hear Becca call from the living room.
Mel tilts her face towards you, sliding her glasses from the top of her head onto her nose. “Only if you share with me.”
Oh fuck.
For a moment, the domesticity of the situation you’ve found yourself feels dangerously close to real. Mel’s face is close enough to your own that you could lean in and kiss her if you really wanted to, it would be so easy. And you want to, her lips are right there -
Down, girl.
You blink hard, turning away as your brain reminds you of the harsh reality you’re currently in. Mel isn’t your girlfriend, this is all pretend, and you just told her to play it up. You can’t let yourself be fooled by the acting you literally just made her do.
You can feel Mel still staring at the side of your head, her gaze scanning your face with the tiniest trace of confusion in her expression and you know the wheels are turning inside.
You plate the eggs, and then butter toast slices as they come out while the bread is still steaming.
Mel’s hands still haven’t left your shirt yet, and your free arm is still around her waist. But even that has to end if you ever want to eat.
Plates clink softly as you and Mel carry everything to the table.
Mel stays tucked against your side until the last possible second before sliding into her own chair. Her fingers trail lightly across your arm as she lets go. Subtle, but not so much that it goes unnoticed.
She's a surprisingly good actress.
You set the plates down and give a sheepish half-shrug.
“Not exactly a five-star breakfast,” you say, sliding into your seat. “I’m a nurse, not a chef.”
Charlie snorts as she joins you at the table, Sabrina and Becca not far behind. “This looks like a Pinterest breakfast compared to what Mel feeds herself.”
“Rude,” Mel mutters, reaching for a strawberry.
The table conversation drifts, everything from light teasing to stories from the night before, Becca explaining in detail why she doesn’t like the texture of eggs.
You aren’t listening. You’re too focused on the way your heart feels dangerously close to splitting open. You remember, with painful clarity, the night you sat in your car and cried while you promised yourself that you wouldn’t cross this line. That your friendship with Mel mattered more than wanting her.
But this pretending you’re doing feels like someone is reaching into your heart and prying all those carefully-sealed pieces back to the surface. And that’s worrisome, because this isn’t real. In two days, her friends will leave, the act will end, and you’ll have to step back across the line that you shouldn’t have crossed in the first place.
Mel laughs at something Sabrina says, and the sound pulls your eyes up despite your best effort. Her gaze meets yours instantly, like she was waiting for you.
You force a smile back, the kind that says everything is fine, even though you’re starting to feel anything but.
Charlie leans forward across the table, tilting her head with a playful grin. “So…coffee?”
Sabrina nods. “Yeah, I could use some caffeine.”
Your gaze immediately flicks back to Mel. You know she doesn’t keep coffee in the apartment, neither her nor Becca drink it, and the thought of her trying to host without it sparks fondness. Without a word, you turn toward her and hold up your hands, one in a fist on top of the other laid flat, forming the unmistakable shape of rock.
Mel freezes for a moment, then smirks and mirrors your gesture.
You play a single round of rock-paper-scissors quickly, and of course you lose.
“Alright, alright,” you say, holding your hands up in mock-surrender as you stand from the table. “I got it.”
As you slip on your shoes and grab your keys, you tell Charlie and Sabrina to have Mel text you their order as you head out the door. You give a wave over your shoulder with a quick “be right back!” as you shut it behind you, grateful for the out this has given you.
Inside the apartment, Mel stretches, letting out a soft sigh as she begins to gather her things for her shift at the hospital.
She hates the idea of leaving her friends when they're here specifically to visit her, but she was comforted by you promising to play host since you had the day off. Plus, that meant Becca didn't have to go to the day center.
Becca’s eyes light up at the sight of her sister retreating back to her bedroom for something and, without a word, she follows Mel, careful not to draw attention from Charlie or Sabrina. Once Mel is in her room and has begun rummaging through her drawers for her phone charger, Becca quietly closes the door behind them.
“Okay,” Becca says, sitting on Mel’s bed as she watches her flit about the room. “You have to tell me something and promise not to lie.”
Mel pauses, caught off guard. She sets the charger down on the bed carefully and glances at her sister. “Uh…need help with something?”
Becca tilts her chin, her expression confused. “I thought you said this whole thing with you and her was fake.”
Mirroring her confused expression, Mel sits down on the bed next to Becca. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been with you since birth,” Becca says pointedly. “And it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. You want to kiss her, don’t you?”
Mel’s cheeks warm instantly. “What? Becca - I -” She pauses, looking down at her hands, trying to gather the right words through her fluster. “It’s…it’s complicated.”
“Why does it have to be complicated?” Becca asks innocently.
Sighing, Mel folds inward as she clasps her hands in her lap. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” she admits quietly, like the words are dangerous.
Becca blinks at her, clearly processing. Then, matter-of-factly, she says, “But you like her, I can see it. That’s not fake.”
Mel bites her lip, both flustered and relieved at her sister’s bluntness. “Becca…” she starts, but her twin shakes her head.
“No, no excuses. Just don’t mess it up,” Becca says simply. “If she makes you happy, then it’s not fake.”
“Okay. I…okay.” Mel smiles. “But you can’t tell anyone, okay? Even her.”
“Cross my heart,” Becca says plainly.
Mel nods in acknowledgement, standing to tuck her charger into her bag.
You aren’t gone for much longer, stepping back through the apartment door with two drink trays in hand, setting them down carefully on the kitchen counter. The smell of coffee and tea fills the small space. You’ve brought coffee for everyone else, but Mel’s drink is hers alone - boba, both sweet and piping hot.
She’s got her work backpack balanced on a stool and is shoving necessities into it when you set her drink in front of her.
“You didn’t have to get me boba,” she murmurs as she lifts the cup and straw. “That means you had to go to two different shops.”
You shrug, feigning casualness even though your chest tightens at the way her eyes linger on yours. “I didn’t want to leave you out just because you don’t drink coffee,” you say softly. "You're worth it."
You’re interrupted by Charlie popping her head into the kitchen, her voice bright and teasing as she says, “Okay, lovebirds, out of my way. Don’t get between me and coffee.” Her eyes turn to you. “Seriously, thanks for going.”
Sabrina follows her in, peering at you over her shoulder with a grin. “Are you guys always like this? Or is it just for show?”
Mel’s hands tighten around her own cup. She swallows and glances over at you, a mix of exasperation and worry in her expression. But you just shrug and reach for her, drawing her to your side by her waist, doing your best to ignore the muffled little squeak she lets out at the unexpected contact.
The moment lingers longer than necessary. You keep your arm around her waist just a second past performative necessity, long enough to feel the warmth of her through her thin shirt, long enough for your brain to feel like she belongs there. Charlie rolls her eyes and shoos you both out of the way, and Sabrina’s grin only widens as she steals her drink and retreats.
Mel pulls away first, mumbling something about leaving for work before she’s late.
You walk her to the door without really thinking too hard about it.
She slips her shoes on and double checks for her badge.
You see Dr. King nearly every day at work, but it feels weirdly intimate to see the transition, watching her change from the Mel you’ve gotten over the last eighteen hours to the doctor you know and lo-
Whoa.
Where did that come from?
“Where did you go?”
Your eyes snap up at the sound of Mel’s voice, and you realize you’ve been lost in your thoughts just standing at the door with her. You shake your head, ridding yourself of the intrusive thought that just infiltrated your brain, willing it to disappear.
“Ha-have a good shift,” you whisper, ignoring her question.
Her eyes are questioning as they search your face, but you watch as she lets it go and turns toward the door.
Then she’s gone.
Her apartment feels different without her in it.
Quieter.
Becca claims the far end of the couch, her laptop balanced on her knees. Charlie and Sabrina commandeer the coffee table with enthusiasm, the kind reserved for people who have nowhere to be. You settle in easily among them and let the day unfold in simple, comfortable ways.
Board games come out first, something strategy-heavy that Becca insists has clear rules and “no emotional ambiguity.” Charlie cheats at least twice, and Sabrina calls her out both times.
You laugh more than you expect to and allow yourself to relax.
And somewhere between Charlie’s dramatic (cheater) victory speech and Sabrina reorganizing the game pieces while insisting on a rematch, you begin to understand them. And, by extension, you understand Mel a little better too.
They fill space easily, just the two of them. Charlie with a bright warmth and charm, Sabrina with a dry steadiness that keeps everything relaxed and easy. They tell college stories in fragments: late-night study sessions Mel insisted she didn’t need but showed up to anyway; the time Charlie dragged Mel to a party and she spent the entire night befriending the host’s anxious dog; Sabrina getting locked out of their apartment at two in the morning and Mel sitting on the hallway floor with her for an hour just to keep her company until her roommate made it home to let her in.
You can see it clearly: two extroverts who decided at some point that Mel was theirs to keep, and an introvert who let herself be adopted without admitting out loud that she needed them.
It makes sense why she loves them. And why they love her right back.
But throughout the day, every so often, your gaze drifts toward the front door and you have to make a conscious effort not to religiously check your phone.
Time moves slowly throughout the day, and on multiple occasions you catch Becca studying you with a seriousness not often found on her face before she looks back at whatever she was doing before.
When the late afternoon light finally begins to fade and keys rattle in the lock hours later, your heart skips a beat, filled with anticipation and eagerness for you know who’s on the other side, and it worries you how much it feels like coming home.
♡ ───────── ♡ ───────── ♡
Last night had ended quietly.
Mel had come home late, exhausted in that bone-deep way that comes with a shift at PTMC. You’d stayed long enough to make sure she ate something and to help Becca get settled for the night, then slipped back into your own apartment with a promise that you’d see her tomorrow.
The distance had felt strange.
Morning came with the muted gray light typical of Pittsburgh winter, and you moved through the day slowly, as if you were walking through sludge. A grocery run because your fridge was empty, a stop at the pharmacy, laundry folded while your comfort show played in the background. You were doing your best to be productive, but there was anticipation humming in your veins beneath everything, a current of energy that kept pulling your attention toward the evening ahead.
Going out isn’t something you do often, at least not out in public. Mel’s apartment? Sure. But a bar?
You took your time choosing what to wear, something that made you feel good in your body, nice enough that you wouldn’t feel out of place in public. You’d changed twice before settling on something that felt like you.
By the time you returned to Mel and Becca’s apartment, the already cramped space felt fuller.
Charlie and Sabrina had claimed the couch, sprawled out comfortably. A half-finished mug of coffee sat forgotten on the side table. Music played on a low volume. Becca sat cross-legged on the floor with a puzzle spread out before her, focused and content, while Mel moved through the kitchen in socked feet.
You eased into the rhythm without trouble, drifting between the kitchen and the living room, accepting a mug of tea, leaning against the counter while Mel absentmindedly nudged your foot with hers when she passed. It almost felt like it wasn’t a performance.
Eventually, as the afternoon fell closer to the late evening, change began slowly.
Makeup bags appeared on the coffee table and outfit options were considered. Sabrina disappeared to claim the bathroom and emerged ten minutes later smelling like perfume and hairspray. Music volume clicked up; phones were charged.
Energy built gradually, just a group of women getting ready for a night out together.
You were looking forward to it.
And that’s where you find yourself now: tucked into the warmth of the bar, the cold of the night already a distant memory that clings to the hems of the coat you’ve draped over the back of your chair.
You’ve chosen this bar meticulously. Light pools in halos from hanging lamps above the tables and the air smells a bit like spilled beer and fried foods that drift from the kitchen. Sound gathers rather than overwhelms, laughter layered over quiet music that has a thud of a bass line that you feel more than you can really hear.
“- I swear I’m not exaggerating,” Sabrina insists, one hand lifted like she’s testifying under oath. “She stood up on the coffee table like she was addressing Congress.”
Charlie is already laughing, her shoulders shaking with each breath. “No, no, you’re leaving out the best part! Tell her what she was wearing.”
Mel groans beside you, sliding lower in her chair. “If this is the toga story, I’m leaving.”
“It was a bedsheet,” Sabrina corrects. “A navy bedsheet. She looked like a stateswoman.”
Becca laughs into her soda, her eyes averted as she listens to a story she’s heard at least twice before.
“I was making a point,” Mel mutters.
“You declared,” Charlie says, lifting her finger in imitation, “’From this day forward, this kitchen is a democracy.’”
Sabrina nearly chokes on her drink, laughing at the memory. “And then she tried to pass legislation banning tequila.”
“It was a good policy,” Mel says defensively, even as the corners of her mouth twitch into a smile she tries to hide.
“You had consumed half a bottle of cheap margarita mix and like two sips of tequila,” Charlie says.
“Listen,” Mel says, pointing at her across the table, “that stuff is disgusting.”
You laugh with the rest of them, the sound escaping bright and easy. Mel’s hand tightens around yours on the tabletop - contact that had started as performative but was now starting to feel natural.
You lean toward Mel. “Did the kitchen remain a democracy?”
Mel sighs. “It did until Charlie tried to impeach me for burning grilled cheese.”
“I still stand by that impeachment,” Charlie says. “You were really drunk.”
Sabrina lifts her glass. “To the shortest-lived government in history.”
Everyone raises their drinks and the soft clink between them rings out as you all take a sip.
The laughter lingers for a few moments longer and Mel’s thumb traces an absentminded circle against the back of your hand. You take the last sip of your drink to give yourself something else to focus on, the ice clinking against the glass before the empty settles in your palm.
“Okay,” you say lightly, glancing around the table. “Who’s in for another?”
Charlie lifts her glass immediately. “Absolutely.”
Sabrina tips hers toward you in silent agreement.
Mel hesitates only a second. “Just water for me,” she says. “I’m pacing myself.”
Becca nudges her soda with two fingers. “I’m good.”
You nod, gathering glasses one by one - yours first, then Charlie’s, then Sabrina’s - the table colder where your hand leaves it. Mel’s fingers slip from yours and it almost feels like it happens reluctantly.
“I’ve got it,” you add, flashing a quick smile at Mel when she moves like she might stand too. “Stay. I’ll be right back.”
She looks at you for a long moment before settling back in her chair.
The bar is only ten feet away or so, and you set the empties down on the worn wood counter, catching the bartenders eye and nodding toward the table behind you.
“One more round,” you say. “Same as before. And a water.”
The bartender gives a short nod and turns around to start pouring.
You sigh, your shoulders loosening, letting yourself relax in the small pause between hosting and performing. It’s nice to just exist without feeling like eyes are on you, being able to focus on the conversation around you, the bass thrumming through the floor. You let yourself space out, nodding along with the music.
You don’t notice him step up beside you until he actually speaks.
He leans one arm against the bar beside you casually, like he’s been standing there longer than he actually has.
“Busy night,” he says. It’s not loud enough to intrude, just enough to be heard over the low hum of conversation.
You glance over, polite reflexes kicking in. He’s maybe mid-thirties, clean cut in a very relaxed way, with flannel sleeves pushed up and an easy smile that suggests he’s comfortable.
“Seems like it,” you reply, returning the small courtesy smile he gives you before shifting your attention back toward the bartending lining up glasses.
His gaze flicks to the cluster of empty cups in front of you. “You ordering for the whole place?”
You laugh quietly. “Just my table.”
“Good,” he says lightly. “Was about to feel left out.”
The bartender sets down the first fresh drink, and you slide it aside to make space for the others.
“I can grab that,” he offers, reaching for his wallet. “At least let me get you this round.”
You shake your head immediately, trying to keep your tone friendly. “That’s kind of you, but I’ve got it.”
He pauses, then lifts one shoulder in a casual shrug. “All right, next one, then.”
You tilt your head in noncommittal acknowledgement rather than actual agreement. “We’ll see.”
Another glass lands on the bar, ice clinking inside it. You line it up with the others.
His eyes linger on the drinks, assessing them - and you - without being overt. “So, what are you drinking?”
“Vodka cran.”
“Solid choice,” he says with an approving nod. “Let me upgrade you to something nicer than the well.”
“I’m good, I promise.” You keep your tone light but firm, trying to not invite further negotiation.
He smiles at you again, but there’s an edge of disbelief to his expression now, like your refusal was unexpected.
“What about your friends?” he tries. “I could send something over, be the hero of your table.”
You shake your head. “We’re taken care of.”
He studies you for another moment, then glances past your shoulder toward the room. “No boyfriends hovering nearby,” he says with a laugh, like he’s making an observation rather than the challenge you know is coming.
You lift one of the glasses, checking the level of the drink inside before setting it back down. “That would be because I don’t have one.”
His brows rise in interest.
You meet his eyes for a moment, then add, “I’ve got a girlfriend.”
His smile falters. Not fully gone, but altered.
“C’mon,” he says, the scoff he lets out in disbelief accompanying his words. “You don’t gotta lie about being a dyke just to get me to fuck off.”
You don’t match his scoff or his tone. You make a conscious effort to stay steady, more so out of self-preservation rather than actually caring what he thinks.
“I’m not lying,” you say evenly. “And I’m not interested.”
Another drink appears, then Mel’s water. You gather them closer, creating a careful lineup for carrying.
He lets out a heavy exhale, irritation beginning to show through the seams of his composure. “Your loss,” he mutters, even though he doesn’t step away. But when you reach for the first glass, his hand closes around your arm.
Across the bar, Sabrina’s voice cuts through the laughter of a nearby group. “Hey…uh, Mel, I think your girlfriend needs help.” She nods subtly in your direction, wide-eyed.
Mel turns sharply, following the gesture, and her stomach drops. She sees the man, leaning a little too close, his hand gripping your forearm. It’s casual, it doesn’t look overtly aggressive, maybe even friendly-looking to anyone else. Not you. She knows you. She knows that hand doesn’t belong there; the casualness in your stance is performative, and that’s enough to make her heart hammer.
The protective surge inside her is immediate. Her chair scrapes against the floor as she rises, all pretense of calm gone. “I’ll help you with those,” she calls out as she approaches you, forcing a casual lilt that doesn’t mask her panic. She moves fast through the crowd of people to get to you.
She reaches the bar just as the man’s grip tightens on your arm. You turn toward her instinctively, your lips parting to explain, but there’s no time. She doesn’t hesitate - her hand is on your waist in a protective hold, pulling you close to her.
“Let go of her.”
You pivot back to the man and take a steadying breath. “Oh look,” you say, “there’s the girlfriend I told you about.”
The words hang in the air between you, both a declaration and a warning. The man blinks, caught off guard as you pull your arm from his grip.
Your hand moves of its own accord, reaching up and your fingers pressing lightly against Mel’s jaw, tilting her face towards yours. Before you can overthink it, you lean in, pressing your lips to hers.
Mel freezes, startled, but doesn’t pull away from you. Her lips part slightly and you can taste her drink on her breath, the sweetness pairing with the faint saltiness of her skin.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, a tiny but distinct oh no cuts through - something you don’t voice. You’ve crossed the line you’d been toeing so carefully, but the sensation of her lips, the softness, the way she begins to respond and move against you in return, makes it impossible to pull away. You linger there, holding her mouth against yours, memorizing the way she tastes and the feeling of her hair against your cheek.
Finally, you ease back enough to breath. Your thumb grazes her lips, committing them to memory. Her cheeks are flushed, eyes wide and luminous, and there’s softness mixed with confusion as she studies your face.
And for the briefest instant, your gaze flicks from her face across the room, catching a shadowed profile near the dart boards - dark hair half-up, the rest falling over one shoulder, a stance that’s familiar in a way that makes your stomach twist. Recognition hits you, but before you can dwell on it, someone moves in between you and the sight, and the moment shatters into background noise. You shove the thought aside, telling yourself it was nothing.
The man’s presence has faded to background noise, but the bartender’s voice cuts through, clear and final as she addresses him: “you gonna order or move along?”
He mutters something under his breath and steps back, retreating, but the air between you and Mel is charged with electricity. Your hand slides from her jaw, lingering for a second on her shoulder, and you step back to gather the drinks. But the nerves in your body still thrum from the feeling of her lips on yours and the realization that kiss wasn’t performative, at least not for you.
It feels dangerous.
Surprisingly, it’s Mel who recovers first.
The world rushes back in around her and she becomes acutely aware that you’re still standing very close to her and your expression mirrors her own stunned silence.
She clears her throat softly. “I -” Her voice comes out thin and a bit strangled, so she tries again. “I’ll help you carry those.”
You nod, grateful for something practical to do, and turn toward the bar as the bartender slides the last glass forward. Neither of you mention what just happened. And neither of you look directly at each other.
Your fingers brush as you divide the drinks and you both pretend not to notice.
The walk back to the table is both quiet and quick. Mel can still feel the shape of your hand on her face, your mouth on hers. Her lips tingle as if the imprint remains.
She focuses on not dropping the glasses.
Sabrina looks up first from conversation as you approach, a grin already forming on her face. Charlie’s gaze flicks between the two of you, eyebrows raised with amusement.
“Well,” she says, accepting her drink, “that was quite the little show.”
Sabrina snorts into her own glass. “Seriously, ten out of ten performance, very convincing.”
Becca doesn’t comment. She just watches Mel carefully, perceptive eyes studying her face as she takes another sip of her soda.
Mel sits. Her pulse is still too fast.
Conversation resumes with surprising ease. Sabrina launches into another story, Charlie chimes in, you slide back into your seat and responding when spoken to. It all lends itself to the rhythm of the night knitting itself back together as though nothing unusual has happened.
Not for Mel.
She hears the conversation without absorbing it. Words drift past her like radio static. Her fingers curl around her water glass, condensation dampening her skin.
She can still feel you.
She risks a glance at you.
You’re laughing at something Sabrina said, your shoulders are relaxed but your smile doesn’t seem to quite reach your eyes. You almost look shaken. Maybe thoughtful? As if you’re trying to act normal and hoping nobody notices that you’re making a conscious effort to do so.
Mel’s stomach flips.
Her friends continue chatting, comfortable and obvious, the moment already filed away as proof of a cute couple.
But Mel can’t file it away.
Charlie is halfway through dissecting some disastrous Hinge date when you lean back into your chair, finally relaxing back into the conversation.
“Did he actually show up?” you ask, grinning. “Or -”
Sabrina cuts in animatedly. Charlie protests. The conversation overlaps in the messy, affectionate way it almost always does when people feel safe.
You turn a little, instinctively, to include Mel, who’s been strangely silent this whole time.
“What do you think?” you ask her, nudging her knee under the table lightly. “That’s totally a red flag, right? Am I being dramatic here?”
She doesn’t answer, and you turn fully to look at her. To make sure she’s okay.
There’s something noticeably undone about her. The composure she usually wears is missing, her expression filled with rawness, her lips even turned into a slight frown, and you can immediately tell she wasn’t listening. It’s identical to the expression she wore at work a while back when she was worried about her deposition and couldn’t focus on anything else.
“Mel?” you prompt softly.
You’re really close to her. Your shoulders are almost touching, she could bump you if she wanted. The golden bar light catches the curve of your lip, the same place where your thumb had brushed hers earlier, and her brain helpfully replays the exact feeling of your hand on her jaw.
You tilt your head when she doesn’t respond. “Are you okay?”
She swallows hard.
This is a mistake. This is toeing that line again.
This is -
She leans in.
Her hand comes up, fingers sliding around the back of your neck and tangling in your hair as she brings your lips to hers again. Her mouth presses against yours with a softness that’s almost unreal compared to the firmness of her grip on you. Like she’s asking a question she’s afraid to hear the answer to.
The table noise fades. Sabrina is still talking, Charlie is talking over her, and you have absolutely no idea what’s going on with Becca in this moment - but it all feels so far away.
Mel’s lips are warm as they move against yours, and you place a hand on her thigh to steady the way you’re leaned into her. Your lips part against hers and she tilts her head, deepening it. There’s a quiet sound from your throat, barely there, but she can feel it.
And God, she doesn’t want to stop.
But she does.
She pulls back slowly, her lips brushing yours one more in a lingering, almost unconscious follow-through before she forces herself to create space. She keeps her eyes closed for a second too long, trying to understand why she would do that.
When she opens them, you’re staring at her with the most unreadable expression on your face.
Nobody at the table says a word. To them, it’s ordinary, you’re just any other couple.
From her other side, Mel catches Becca watching her. Her soda straw is paused halfway to her mouth, her eyes moving between her sister’s face and yours. There’s no confusion in her expression, no surprise. Only a quiet, satisfied knowing, like she’s just seen a puzzle piece settle exactly where it belongs.
The night goes on without much disruption after that. Someone orders fries for the table, you laugh at something Becca says so hard that you have to wipe tears from your eyes, glasses clink over and over. Life continues.
And yet, nothing feels the same.
You sit beside Mel with intentional space between your thighs where there hadn’t been any earlier. Your knee no longer touches hers under the table and when your fingers brush reaching for a fry, both of you pull back too quickly. You fold your hands in your lap to stop yourself from reaching for her again.
Because now you know.
You know the shape of her mouth, the warmth of her breath, the way she leaned into you instead of away from you.
This performance has edges now, sharp ones. And they hurt.
So you keep your hands to yourself.
But still, the distance never fully holds. Her shoulder finds yours when she laughs. Your elbow grazes her arm when you reach for your glass. When she leans closer to hear Sabrina over the music, her hair brushes your cheek and you tense up so suddenly it steals the air from your lungs.
Across the table, Becca watches the two of you with contentment, sipping her soda and swaying faintly to the music that only she seems to be paying attention to. Both Charlie and Sabrina remain blissfully unaware, long since settling into the comfortable assumption that this is how the two of you behave together.
By the time the tab is paid and chairs scrape back from the table, the night has changed and the air is filled with a strange electricity that you don’t fully know what to do with.
Back at the apartment, the ritual of bedtime unfolds in tired smiles, far too late to avoid the hangover that’s sure to haunt you at work tomorrow. Charlie and Sabrina reclaim the couch with gratitude and soft blankets. Becca disappears into the her own bedroom long enough to change before reemerging to hug you goodnight with affection.
And then it’s just the two of you again.
Mel changes in the bathroom while you sit on the edge of her bed, staring at your hands like they might confess what you’re too afraid to say. When she returns, the room feels smaller. Quieter.
You slide beneath the blankets on your usual side and she turns off the lamp.
Her breathing evens out beside you, slow and steady, the rhythm of someone who has surrendered fully to sleep. Or is pretending to.
You lie on your back, staring into the dark, the nerves in your body aware of the mere inches between you.
Tomorrow, her friends will leave. Tomorrow, her spare key will be returned to her. Tomorrow, there will be no reason to stay the night, or hold her hand, or call her babe in any capacity. No reason to kiss her.
Your chest tightens.
You don’t know how to go back.
You don’t know how to fold your heart back into the safe little shape it fit into before this weekend.
Beside you, Mel shifts in her sleep - or something like it - and her fingers brush the back of your hand where it rests on the mattress between you.
You freeze. She stills.
Neither of you pull away.
You stare into the dark above you, heart pounding, and try to memorize this: the warmth, this unbearable tenderness of wanting something you’ve already begun to lose.
I don’t think enough people understand that Santos probably feels incredibly used right now. Like, yes Garcia did explicitly say they’re keeping it casual, but that’s a far cry from then basically being told I DO NOT care about your feelings. I only set aside my feelings about you reporting my friend for med diversion because I wanted to fuck you. Like that is devastating. That is so dehumanizing.