A Loverboy

Pigeon, 27. he/they welcome to my beloved hyperfixation garden

[loverboydean]

Pigeon's intro!

Howdy it's Pigeon, this blog is mainly heated rivalry with a splash of supernatural. There Will be much horny posting. Kink/bdsm is my special interest.

Starting to get deeper into fic writing, come talk to me about it! Also come talk to me about kink! I love making friends :•)

The username of this blog will probs always be the same because I treasure it and will forever in my head be a Dean girl.

[swagsmeister]

napmaxxing

[shanebug]

[ilyasmole]

shane pushing ilya's cum out of his Hole while ilya watches and praises him rly is something that can be so personal

[grabmyboner]

I think Shane is a gossip but he doesn’t realise he is he just loves information and knowing this and sharing this information with everyone

[maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat]

yall gotta be nicer about m/f  bc sometimes u guys like the blandest gay sutff ive ever seen in my life

[maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat]

gonna add onto this you all gotta stop acting like m/f is just cishet when bisexual people exist and straight trans people exist.

[maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat]

last add on alot of m/f ships of poc or white/poc ship are constantly downplayed for bland white m/m or f/f ships

[majorpepperidge]

#also sometimes u guys r just fuckig misogynist. abt the women in m/f ships. sorry

[ilyapasta]

Stakes are a really important part of character creation, because characters are part of a narrative. So often the lens through which a character’s arc is viewed, such as the transformation of Ilya’s hedonism and devil may care lifestyle once he’s with Shane, is not (always, I’ll speak for myself) because that attribute is negative for people in real life, but because nothing in a character’s arc should be by accident. Whether Ilya’s former partying ways are viewed negatively or positively by him, it should have a reason to be there. Whether he was lonely, bored, high on life from being away from his family, swept up in it, or just loves a good party because HE’S fun at parties and likes to socialize, there has to be a reason that then affects the narrative. And there has to be fallout. In TLG Ilya somewhat misses being the life of the party, but it’s not because he doesn’t have the opportunity to do so (he even says that he SHOULD be bonding more with his team, raising morale as captain), but because of his depression and focus on his long distance secret relationship, he’s finding it difficult to be invested in that old persona. Doesn’t mean he rebukes it, but it is an effective way to show character transformation. When he invites Shane to Bood’s party I think it’s an attempt to merge the two sides of him that have since separated. It’s like Shane wanting Ilya to know his parents, so that he can feel like they’re all on the same planet. Ilya in TLG is having trouble navigating being in love but closeted and still the larger than life ringleader he once was.

I think after coming out and the dust settling, Ilya will have somewhat of a renaissance. It takes him one minute to want to brag about being with Shane to Scott Hunter. And I think it might take Shane a minute, but he’ll ultimately want to join Ilya in the sunshine. Not because they OWE the world their private life, but because now they can bond with the people around them on a deeper level.

[punksalmons]

stretch that back hockey boy

[discooccasionally]

[penandinkprincess]

I’m having wayyy too much fun with this allergies discussion, so let me introduce you to: Shane with stress-induced allergies.

I have a condition called chronic urticaria, which means I can break out in hives anytime, not from a specific trigger, but as a result of very intense emotional experiences. Sometimes years go by between crises, and I forget it even exists. Then suddenly BOOM: people around me panic because I start swelling up in the middle of a parking lot.

The last time it happened was right after my first concert alone. The mix of stress and anticipation anxiety was enormous. But once I got there, I had the time of my life, I hadn’t had that much fun in months, one of the best experiences ever. Then I got home, let the adrenaline fade into my normal routine, and within five minutes in pajamas my roommate nearly had a heart attack because my face and hands had swollen, and I was burning red. (I’m so used to it by now that it takes me a while to notice, but it scares the hell out of anyone with me.)

Now imagine this: one of their first public dates. Maybe they’re still a secret, maybe they plan a getaway somewhere warm, far enough to stay off the radar. In the days leading up to it, Shane is anxious, stressed (he’s ALWAYS stressed, but they’ve never done something this reckless). Ilya offers to cancel, but Shane swallows the fear and goes anyway. And it’s so good that he immediately forgets everything he was worrying about. They can hold hands in public, and it’s so freeing!! he’s never felt so free!!

At the end of the night, back in their room, Shane is more relaxed than he’s been in decades. Ilya goes to get water, ready to tease him about all the paranoia and remind him how he was right, as always, and then—

WHAT THE FUCK HOLLANDER, WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE BLOATED PUFFERFISH?? ARE YOU BREATHING???

And Shane’s just like: “What? Oh this?? yeah, it happens sometimes. It was due anyway.”

ilya after finding out his boyfriend with anxiety is allergic to anxiety

[nightquills]

the idea of them sitting down at a restaurant for lunch with shane's parents and shane was running late so ilya's already done the whole allergy check by the time he gets there, and the waitress is waiting to take his order and shane is a little ruffled because Late and Person Is Waiting On Me, so ilya ever so helpfully, "the chicken sandwich loves you" "ilya please" "the chicken *burger* hates you, though. she is slut for sesame seeds." "can you please just be normal about this ONE time." yuna from across the table: "the salmon salad loves you, too, if you get it without croutons." "i swear to GOD i will move to another table."

(referencing this post)

this is so cute and so funny and i am enjoying shane's embarrassment and despair at the hands of his concerned and loving family so much

david very helpfully volunteers that "the tilapia, uh.... cheated on you? since last time? they said they changed the recipe for the breading and now it has almonds."

shane puts his head in his hands like "maybe anaphylaxis would be better than this. i'm not even that hungry."

"shane! there's no need to be so dramatic," yuna says.

ilya, ever the helpful menace, has a suggestion. "lyubimyy, we ordered loving appetizers for the table to share. you and i could split a main dish as well? it will be like a threeso—"

shane stands up, tells the waitress "i am so sorry for the delay. i'll have the salmon salad without croutons," and goes to use the bathroom for A Moment Of Peace, Please God Above

the waitress has so many questions, and she is getting no answers. but she very carefully logs the order and notes that it's because of allergies, and she gets a very nice tip at the end of the hollander-rozanov family's lunch.

[penandinkprincess]

shane after being told so sincerely, "i already checked menu. there are many lovers for you." iN THIS PUBLIC SPACE. ILYA, OTHER PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU.

(also david trying to adopt this metaphor is fucking KILLING ME) (shane just ready to sink into the pit of the earth as his parents are telling him that the bread at this restaurant got a mistress since last time) (it's sesame) (free him)

[penandinkprincess]

the margherita pizza now has a second family :(

[nightquills]

shane knows, abstractly, that service workers tend to recognize regular customers. he's heard about people who walk into their favorite coffee shops and have their drinks already waiting for them at the counter by the time they step up to order.

having a waitress memorize his entire list of allergens and adopt the colloquialisms his family uses to refer to them feels like it goes a good deal beyond that, however. he can not believe this is happening to him. thank god this hasn't been leaked to social media.

(yet. which he's thankful for! because he's feeling like it's becoming increasingly likely for someone to get an out of context video of ilya saying some shit like "this focaccia is ready to fall deeply in love you" or "the curry is a cheater. has many affair babies with cashews, and is not even paying child support." shane doesn't know what he'll do when that happens)

[penandinkprincess]

OH NO

i feel like shane would fucking DIE of humiliation if it happened, but the idea of a video going viral that's just the two of them slightly out of frame at an event and at a distance, so what the camera catches is shane takes a bite of a cookie, ilya turns and goes, "no! spit it out *muffled audio* slut. bad." and shane immediately grabs a napkin and spits it out, and then ilya puts a hand on his back and the two of them walk out of the room very fast.

and the reaction online is oh my GOD??? ilya rozanov treats him like this??? what an ASSHOLE?? controlling what he eats?? calling him a SLUT IN PUBLIC?? BECAUSE HE WANTED A *COOKIE*??? and then making him LEAVE???

and how do you even START to explain, "no, my husband has food allergies, and it's an ongoing joke that food loves him or is a slut and will kill him. he thought the cookie was one of the safe ones we requested catering to have, but it was one of the ones from a multi-pack i saw earlier, and there were peanut butter cookies near it, and saying the cookie is a slut was the fastest way to communicate that he needed to spit it out NOW so he could go rinse his mouth out."

the idea of ilya actually being a really good husband but it looking SO BAD because it requires so many layers of context is fucking SENDING ME.

[penandinkprincess]

I know in my heart that shane is the type of person who would never bring up essential personal details until they are immediately relevant and then would also be so understated about them

he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"

and ilya

[penandinkprincess]

reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"

and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-

"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"

"what are you talking about?"

shane: "i'm allergic"

"??? since WHEN??"

"since always??"

"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"

"jackie knows"

"WHY DOES JACKIE KNOW AND I DON'T"

[penandinkprincess]

yuna and david dialing IN to "if you don't freak out, they won't freak out" during shane's formative years to the unintended and unfortunate side effect of ending up in situations like bb!shane going *calm tug tug on david's shirt* "yeah buddy?" *big inhale that audibly wheezes as his throat starts swelling shut*

[penandinkprincess]

the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"

shane at the other end of the couch after thirty minutes of ilya not looking up is just ??? who the FUCK are you texting down there??? and ilya still without looking up just, "many many sexy women who are crying because i am married now. they are very upset." as if his ass isn't diligently taking notes from a married mother of four on a good allergy-friendly pad thai recipe because shane mentioned in passing that it smelled good the last time ilya ordered some and now ilya wants to find out how to make some he can try.

[penandinkprincess]

he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"

and it truly IS casual for him because this is just how he thinks now, but everyone else just ??? allergy friendly homemaker ilya rozanov??? since when??

[penandinkprincess]

A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.

B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.

C. people being so afraid of ilya's wrath if shane has an allergic reaction to something at their house is KILLING ME. shane just fucking. STANDS near a plate of peanut butter cookies on the table in the backyard during a barbeque and four different people are immediately there shoving him away because they will NOT answer to rozanov about this. they will NOT die over cookies. who is the IDIOT who brought PEANUT BUTTER COOKI-

[penandinkprincess]

@lucky-santangelo ilya only getting five seconds of feeling smug and holier than thou before shane puts him on blast is KILLING me XD

@shanetism the idea of ilya finding out how many times he could have potentially killed shane over the years from not knowing this VERY IMPORTANT THING ABOUT HIM and shane's life flashing before HIS eyes is so funny. also the idea that shane was going to show him the fucking WELL at the cottage and just not mention the drawer his epipen is in and ilya being so ??!!! HOLLANDER ?!?! PRIORITIES ?!?!

[penandinkprincess]

shane groaning SO loud when ilya first breaks out the allergy cards because GOD ilya it's NOT that serious this is embarass-

oh? is this more or less embarassing than having allergic reaction in the middle of a restaurant and needing your epipen? hm? shut up and take the fucking shiny cards, hollander.

and riFUCKINGp to the restaurant that lied about not using peanut oil in their fryer as an angry, stressed ilya is stuck in a hospital lobby with wifi and a lot of energy that has nowhere to go until he's allowed to be back with his husband. you're DONE FOR.

also ilya being lowkey SO fucking frustrated at shane having allergies AND refusing to eat fast food, especially when they're on the road so often and ilya eats allergy-free when they're together. hollander, pick a struggle. you know what will not kill you? mcmuffin. she loves you. look at her allergen list. she is safe. this organic artisinal breakfast wrap from this tiny cafe cannot say the same. she does not love you like mcmuffin. she probably whores around with peanuts.

[penandinkprincess]

GOD the psychic damage ilya takes the day he finds out body products can have allergens in them. his body wash company is getting a SCATHING email about fucking around with their formula when there are PEOPLE with ALLERGIES who RELY ON-

and shane meanwhile is just, "i can take some meds and just be itchy for a little bit. it's seriously not a big deal." "you are covered in bumps! it could have been worse. they should have to give warnings if they are going to fuck around with things like this." "you seriously have to calm down. it's not going to stop me from play-" "shane i cannot overstate how much i need you to not talk about hockey to me right now."

[penandinkprincess]

MAN

shane growing up who always got, "oh, you poor thing" from well-intentioned adults as a kid and then, "damn, i could NEVER live like that" from same-age peers when older whenever he had to explain his allergies, and it was both annoying and also felt like failing at something when he had to decline a piece of birthday cake or a slice of pizza because it wasn't safe for him.

but if he frames it as a performance diet, then suddenly! admiration! he gets some teasing obviously, but there's also an air of "good for you, man" that lands a lot easier than pity.

this does, unfortunately, mean that he just develops a habit of just never saying ANYTHING when not directly asked lmao.

[penandinkprincess]

@riddlemaster101

i feel like shane would reliably tell medical people because this is a Rule for medical settings so yes of course he'll go into detail

for everyone else though??? cackling about people who have known him for literally fifteen years finding out about potentially deadly allergies ONLY because ilya is fucking interrogating the waiter at the restaurant. shane of Before just would have probably declined going and used his diet as an excuse because he didn't want to have it be A Whole Thing. now he has a husband to "he said no pickles" his allergies on his behalf, so he's straight chilling. 🤣

[wendydarling95]

Can we also talk about the Yuna and David of it all?

David spots them at the cottage and they go over, Shane's cottage is obviously allergen free and the shopping he did is all safe for him. Yuna and David know to cook safely, the chicken parm is all good and fine but they say "the croutons aren't safe for you, but you don't like those anyway" just in passing as a matter of habit and Ilya who JUST learned about bananas and latex and bees is like "oh wow! More allergies?? I need a list. Haha" and then they have the meal and the panic attack and they become boyfriends. Before they leave Yuna makes him a copy of her list of all the known allergens and Shane's common reactions to them, it's the first time he hugs her. He looks her in the eye and says "thank you for letting me take care of him. I will be careful."

It's a relief, to know he cares to try. But at the end of the day they JUST met this man. So they cross their fingers and try not to feel the same way they did every time Shane went to somebody's house for a birthday party or a sleepover.

And then they are over at the cottage some night and they decide to order in for dinner. Ilya takes everybody's orders and goes to the kitchen to call it in for them and it's taking *forever* so Yuna goes to see if he needs any help. She finds him sitting with two copies of the list, hers and one translated into Russian for his easy reference. He has the phone on speaker and says "thank you for checking the dressing ingredients, I know is weird request, but sometimes Caesar dressing is safe, sometimes not safe, but he likes it so much is worth checking. Yes, I'll hold again."

They've ordered from this place a dozen times, their recipe for Caesar dressing is safe, YUNA knows that, SHANE knows that, that's why he ordered it. But *Ilya* doesn't. So he's checking. Because Shane wants the dressing and Ilya want him *safe* and *happy*. And isn't that all a parent wants? For their kid to be with someone who is just as invested in their happiness and safety as they are? For somebody who will wait on hold while they check the fry oil and the dressing ingredients and whatever else?

Once Ilya has placed the order and hung up he gets surprised by a hug from behind, thin arms wrapped around him and perfume he's starting to recognize. He's bewildered, but when he asks gently "...Mrs. Hollander?" She just tells him to call her Yuna.

[penandinkprincess]

WEEPING

also cackling about the idea of ilya using the group chat with them to be mad about brands changing their ingredients so things that were SAFE are now NOT 😤 it started just as a "hey, those crackers aren't safe anymore" as a collective fyi thing, but it ends up being ilya just mad about safe things not being safe anymore

significantly shane remains SO unbothered about it all

[penandinkprincess]

also EXTREMELY funny to imagine ilya suddenly being strict about allergens in his house with svetlana, who has done body shots off of strangers with this motherfucker who is suddenly?? confiscating her granola bar??? ilya what the actual FUCK is happening right now??? "no peanuts inside anymore" "...what the fuCK ARE YOU TALKI-"

[russianblush]

ilya happy trail and bush ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

[odyver]

alright I've got to do some quick math to explain attitudes towards AI to my boss.

we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)

please rb for larger sample size!

Question 1/3

What is your age, and do you feel AI is a net positive or net negative in our lives today?

under 18, AI is a net positive

under 18, AI is a net negative

18-29, AI is a net positive

18-29, AI is a net negative

30-45, AI is a net positive

30-45, AI is a net negative

46-60, AI is a net positive

46-60, AI is a net negative

over 60, AI is a net postive

over 60, AI is a net negative

Remaining time: 4 days 22 hours

[odyver]

Question 2/3

How often do you visit or interact with museums/archives (whether in person or online)?

Frequently (multiple times per month)

Often (multiple times per year)

Occasionally (a couple times per year)

Rarely (once every couple of years)

Never :(

Remaining time: 4 days 22 hours

[odyver]

Question 3/3

If you saw a museum was using AI in exhibits, marketing, research, etc., would you be more or less inclined to visit that museum?

under 18, more inclined

under 18, less inclined

18-29, more inclined

18-29, less inclined

30-45, more inclined

30-45, less inclined

46-60, more inclined

46-60, less inclined

over 60, more inclined

over 60, less inclined

Remaining time: 4 days 22 hours

Thank you for helping with this data collection. Please rb for as big a sample as possible!

🫶

[cuppydogshane]

ilya voice actually my scales are rainbow and iridescent and stronger than steel so your shark bites dont work and im immune to poisons and im the fastest swimmer and the most beautiful also

[shanemp3]

[castielchitaqua]

if shane hollander had been alive during the late jurassic, he would have evolved flight

[scunthotter]

Its so important to remember that when Shane says "Ilya noooo, Ilya ewww, what the fuck Ilya" that this is him giggling and kicking his feet. The man is not a killjoy he just loves being chased.