Half-heartedly concealed affection.
jason todd x fem reader ・ 1k words ・ hurt/yearning
new to writing in english please be gentle
Rain pouring down with an intent of flooding the whole city was nothing new to Gotham. It was the kind of weather where cold greeted you as the sun set, the sweet breeze of summer transitioning into a sharp knife that sliced through your skin. Quite lucky though, you were currently inside your house warming up a cup of tea.
Just like any other half-assed apartments in Gotham, the prebuilt heater wasn't warm enough to keep your living room cosy. As the thick raindrops tapped on your window, you reached out for a cardigan to warm up your shivering body. Or at least tried, when a familiar knocking sound reached your ears.
A steady and sophisticated pattern just like the owner's personality. Your heart stops a little from familiarity. You turn your gaze to the clock with a slightly mixed expression. 11 o'clock on the dot. At this time? But, why? Why now? He had no reason to come back here anymore.
With a short sigh, you hesitantly make your way to the front door. The short passageway in the apartment feels like a dreadful maze, mixed emotions tackling each other every footstep; in that time, you feel your heart ache.
The end was far from messy. Jason and you, you made it work. Or that's what you believed in. Countless days indulged in sweet whispers, comfortable silence, and unbreaking trust. Both of you feeling like broken puzzle pieces struggling to fit in society. It was the mutual understanding of each other that led to a perfect scenery.
But it was civil. The breakup. Long hours of words falling from our mouths and leading us to walk away from each other. No screaming, no red, just simple calm conversation. Although thinking back that might've been the reason of the fallout. Not letting go, just. Just letting it sit in and rot, both painfully aware of how sharp our words can get from anger.
You eventually stop in front of your door. Your voice should reach outside thanks to the underwhelming amount of privacy - thin walls of your half-assed apartment in Gotham.
"Jason?" The sound echoes quieter than intended, slightly wavering.
Jason. Jason Todd. It's a name that you haven spoken out loud in a while. It has a melancholy yet bitter taste around it. Unknowingly, your throat dries out. There was silence after that. A long few minutes of silence until familiar voice of someone echoes into the quiet.
"...Yeah. It's me." He replies dejectedly in a muffled voice. Your heart aches again from his raw emotion. You knew better that Jason Todd was never a man that'll let himself break down to a stranger. You still weren't a stranger in his life.
He was irritatingly good at concealing his inner thoughts. Once during the night when he let himself be vulnerable, he confessed his mind. The thoughts, they were taunting him. Eating him alive. You simply gave him a hug. The usual, whispering being there for him, and ... sharing warmth to feel like a whole piece together.
You made various guesses to his sudden appearance. Maybe it's the pressure, new argument, unsolved knots in his mind, the rain, or maybe...
"Hey" his words come out weak.
"Are you still there?" before you could answer, he continues.
"I know I shouldn't be here when... I just.." There's a brief silence.
"...I could only think of you" He sounds defeated. Almost afraid acknowledging his feeling would result in a disaster.
The trembling voice was the last straw, you feel something click in your brain and instinctively you flung the door open. You could see his silhouette from the corner of your right eye. He was standing with a small distance. Not just one but two steps away, just like how ambiguous both of your intents were in this interaction.
His hair was completely soaked, cheeks blushed and rough from tears, and his eyes bloodshot from constant crying. A face so distorted from your memories, that you had to take a second to process if this was the man you knew. He wasn't the type to break down so easily like this. He wasn't the type to get this emotional. He wasn't the type to. It's been a year and yet, you still remember him like it was yesterday.
You feel a swirl of emotion violently shaking inside you. You had so many questions you've been meaning to ask. After all, he wasn't an easy man to run into out in public. Are you taking care of yourself? Do you still drink tea every morning a habit you picked up from me? We believed the parting was for each other's sake, but tell me why is it so hard to get through each day without one another? And, by chance, do you feel the same way?
Overwhelmed by the emotions you tighten the grip on the front door, then all of a sudden a harsh wind blows through the hallway window. A gush sharp enough to make your t-shirt waver. Cold and unkind enough to make one feel lost and sick. You instinctively reach out for his arm.
"I-" you don't finish your word.
Startled by the hand that instinctively reached out, you turn your gaze away from Jason. You never meant to cross the line first. Gotham wasn't generous even with its weather. In the midst of it all, habits were truly a frightening muscle memory. He had injured his left wrist from a devious fall whilst you two were still together. Looking down, you were holding onto his right arm.
The rain falling with a terrifying intensity filled the silence again. No words exchanged. Just your warmth still reaching out for his. Then the tears dropped. Silent, small, few drops from his eyes.
Your body stiffened. All sorts of thoughts filled up your brain, and as you were hesitantly standing there Jason took your hand. He intertwined his fingers gently with yours. His tears were falling still. Gentle, just like his touch. It felt a little stubborn, his way of expressing the lingering attachment. The affection that never withered away. The half-hearted attempt in concealing his longing, for you.
"You're still as kind as I remember" He whispered softly.
Stroking the back of your hand with his thumb, Jason finally spoke up first. He had whispered the word kind.
His sincere feelings reflected from his eyes, which made you realise an answer to your previous question. Mutual feeling. Maybe, a start of something again. You closed your eyes slowly and clenched his hand.
I thought of Dexter Soy's Jason Todd writing this.
©2026love ♡ do not repost, translate, claim this work as your own
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