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27 yo This is just my own personal diary of what goes on in my mind.

[lovexoxoxo99]

I did an intro post a while ago but since I’m more active now and I have more individuals interacting with me and following I thought I’d make another

My name is Abii ( last post said iris but I’m comfortable telling me real name now). I had my first 3d in high school and my lowest weight was 98.9 pounds. I was forced to recover and gained around 60 pounds since then. I am now 25 and have gained and lost the same 20 pounds give or take over the last 10 years. I’m officially back on the @n@ train fully and completely and I’m honestly really excited to not be 160 pounds anymore.

Here are my stats

5’2

SW: 172

CW: 135.4

GW1: 160

GW2: 140

GW3: 120

UGW: 100

I would love to not be an obese BMI so getting to an underweight BMI is really the goal here

I’ve struggled with disordered eating pretty much my whole life. I’m pretty good at f@sting which is really my preferred method of losing. I also try to not consume over 1000 calories a day.

I am looking for people who wanna talk and be friends through this. Not really into a coach, just someone I can vent to and they can vent to me.

Anyway, hi to all the new mutuals. I hope everyone is doing alright :)

[lovexoxoxo99]

oh my god I didn’t realize I could be doing OMAD and eating legit only a lean cuisine frozen meal…. 400 cals or less for my OMAD. Hellllll yeah

[lunaisdisordered]

[lovexoxoxo99]

This but add shrimp!!

[lovexoxoxo99]

Would you rather fast for 24 hours a day and do an omad or eat 3 “meals” a day? Both would equal the same calories.

I can’t decide which would make weight fall off faster.

[lovexoxoxo99]

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET BACK INTO ROUTINE AFTER VACATION.

I just wanna be skinny 😭😭 why can’t I let myself starve

[lovexoxoxo99]

IM ON VACATION (against my will in Disney) to celebrate my graduation and my family is legit forcing me to eat 3 meals a day. All my progress over the last 3 months is about to be demolished im so upset 😭

[lovexoxoxo99]

Yeah so why am I still fat asf almost 2 years into my relapse…..

[lovexoxoxo99]

Why is finding food that isn’t disgustingly high in calories so exhausting.

Sometimes I feel so ill I have to break my OMAD days with a snack but it’s so hard finding food at work that’s less than 300 cals.

Yes, I do realize I could bring my own snacks. I do however work 3 jobs and I genuinely want to take a shower and just go to bed after work

[lovexoxoxo99]

CAN I STOP EATING SO MUCH. HOLY FUCK

[lovexoxoxo99]

Im addicted to Benadryl. Literally whenever the @n@ insomnia hits I take one and I’m asleep in 30 min. Unfortunately waking up is NOT easy 🥲

[lovexoxoxo99]

So I officially have three jobs now (cried in USA economy) and I’m hoping to pay all my debt off by September so I can fucking move out of my fucking house then quit one job 🤩

[lovexoxoxo99]

So I’m getting a part time job again at a restaurant and I need to seriously work on my ability to say NO to myself when I think about eating. I might just bring snacks I can eat instead of having high calorie fried disgustingness

[lovexoxoxo99]

How do I hardwire my brain into thinking about fruits and veggies and not junk food 💀

[lovexoxoxo99]

I’ve kinda fallen off the face of literally every social media platform over the last couple months…I also completely put off my disorder because I’ve been writing a grad school paper but I finished and passed and now I can be an over educated lady, that also still has an ed 💀.

[lovexoxoxo99]

Been home since Friday (cause of the weekend and also getting 30+ inches of snow). I can legit FEEL the weight Ive gained over the last 4 days. I have no self control at home and my family buys such junk food. I’m excited to get back to fasting tomorrow

[lovexoxoxo99]

Absolutely had to break my 48hr fast tonight :(. Felt like I was gonna pass out and die for the last 3 hours.

[lovexoxoxo99]

How the fuck do y’all drink black coffee/espresso???? I tried plan black coffee today and craved DEATH.

I genuinely want to be someone who ACTUALLY fasts but I can’t give up my delicious vanilla iced lattes. They make me so happy 😭😭