theruinous:
Lowell stops, an answer given, and in a way thatâs almost startlingly childlike. The bird held close, reservations written plainly on his features, like heâs been caught doing something he shouldnât. In some ways itâs jarring, he just canât feel it, the contrast between the image of a boy with too much innocence still reflecting back at Daniel, and the feeling of wrongness that resonates in his bones. It sets his teeth on edge, his thumb tracing the pads of his fingers in some idle motion, like it might summon sparks to the ends of them.Â
Something to contradict the shadows that feel like theyâre pressing down on him, and he still canât figure out how they connect to Lowell. Thereâs the urge to ask now, if heâs got markings spiraling across his skin, but he doesnât.
And somewhere a distant memory tries to claw its way up from the recesses of his mind. A small, dark haired boy, charging inside the house to tell his father about the baby bunny he found in the yard. It flickers quickly through his brain before he blinks and itâs gone again. And heâs left watching a boy heâd wanted to save once, who deserved a similar kind of life, and had never been granted it. He wants to soften under that knowledge; he doesnât know if he can.
âDo you plan on keeping it?â
âNo.â The answer comes immediately, without thought because he knew his plan from the moment he spotted the bird. Well, for the most part. The only unknown to him is how exactly one would go about curing such a creature of such an ailment, but there are wise adults here. Someone has to know what to do when he doesnât. His voice falls to a whisper and it will never be clear whether heâs hiding his intentions from the bird or from Daniel, but he continues. âNot forever.â As if he could anyway. âWhen we move it canât come with us. I wonât let it.â The creatureâs protests and assault on his fingers become background noise now. The greater threat stands before him now, but heâll learn from last time and heâll try not to feel so afraid.Â
All that keeps him standing here rather than walking off, rather than finding one of the grown-ups he trusts, is the possibility that Daniel might remember his job as an officer. Heâs supposed to help. Still, Lowell stands between rationalities, conditioned already to come back to someone he feels has hurt him if it means theyâll be useful. âI want to give it itâs wings back. So it can stay here and tell my story; of how I helped. Thatâs the price it has to pay for my help.â He avoids believing that he needs reassuring, to know that heâs doing a good job and to know that someone notices and will tell others heâs good too.Â
âDoes that make sense?â















