[corvid-language-library]

Remember that if you want to do more of something, you have to do less of something else. It's that time of year where people set goals for the new year and they have plans and hopes and it's always focusing on what they want to do more of. More studying, more exercise, more crafting, more socialising, more making things from scratch. Okay, great. What are you going to do less of in order to have the time and energy to do more of those things you really want to do?

[lstheme]

I just want love and GENTLENESS what the hell

Soft and tender

[lstheme]

Okay I’m back at the gym!!!! Been consistent for 1 month ⭐️ I’ve been seriously watching videos to improve my workout. There are so many things to train at a gym as a dancer god damn

Basically I go to the gym once a week- plyometrics, strengthening, stretching, mobility. Then I take dance classes, 2 to 4 classes per weeks. I’ve never been so sporty in my life 🌟

[lstheme]

Hmmm some thoughts lately

I’m very happy with my progress in dance 🥹 been doing a lot of classes these past weeks + training at home, I can see the progress in terms of technique, learning, interpretation and overall confidence 💗 also received positive feedbacks from teachers and people in general im glad

However I’ve been less motivated to go working out. Can’t skip it forever- I need it to improve my core and strength for better dance 🙂‍↕️

Work being work. Some days are very cool and rewarding and others are hard 🫡

My sleeping schedule and food plan are a total mess. I need to fix that and for real

I need to plan some vacation alone soon I think

I need to seriously fix my spending habits too. Will use an app soon to track that.

Since I wrote my last post, I haven’t cried again. I think it helped a lot :) I also don’t feel this constant sadness anymore. I still have my moments sometimes, but it’s fine.

Like right now. Eh sorry, it sounds like I’m mentioning it often, but actually I rarely do irl so I just say it here 📣 I want a man, a good man 🙂‍↔️ A man who is funny, self confident, and has some gentleness and empathy. And please for the love of god, genuine enthusiasm. I’m down bad for positive energies

Sometimes I’m so annoyed with men in general I just want to play dirty and casual to manage my needs lol but then I get reminded I literally cannot 🙂‍↕️ Do people know how much love there is to give damnnn and how much one crave to receive

[lstheme]

Maybe loving myself means accepting the full timeline

[lstheme]

Et après

L’objectif que j’ai nourri depuis plus de 10 ans est à portée de vue, le temps ralentit, l’esprit se libère- et chaque jour qui passe, je ressens un peu plus mon désir de vivre l’amour. Le cadre extérieur qui m’était imposé jusqu’alors s’efface, et ce désir déborde.

J’ai longtemps été persuadée d’être parfaitement auto-suffisante. Je n’ai pas peur de la solitude, j’aime et estime énormément ma propre compagnie. Néanmoins, ce sont les émotions procurées par les autres qui ont toujours illuminé mon âme. Mon métier m’a beaucoup nourrie en ce sens, de sens et d’émotions. Au service des autres. Au contact des moments les plus humains, aussi beaux ou douloureux soient-ils. J’ai toujours aspiré à apporter de l’humanité. Et je me rends compte que mon désir d’en recevoir finit par aller au delà- plus que de l’humanité, une intimité à deux, un amour chaleureux, doux passionné. Tourné vers moi. Ce désir a sûrement toujours existé, mais il a été largement contenu. Différé. Après ça, après ci, après tout ça, on verra. On verra si je peux.

Maintenant, je suis dans l’après. Et j’y vois flou.

Depuis un moment déjà, je me noie dans quelque chose que je n’arrive pas à caractériser précisément. Quand je suis seule je procrastine, je tombe dans l’imaginaire et la nostalgie. Je crois que maintenant que l’espace se libère, mon cœur se réveille, et mon âme pleure.

Je sais que je ne suis pas déprimée. Je ressens de la joie et du plaisir. Je suis heureuse d’être si bien entourée, malgré les difficultés rencontrées, je vis mon rêve professionnel et personnel, et j’entretiens des formes d’épanouissement sincères. Mais je dois me l’avouer : je suis profondément triste. Une tristesse contenue, mais qui existe, et ce parallèlement à toute la gratitude que je ressens.

Je n’ai pas retrouvé l’intérêt et l’amour que j’avais brièvement expérimentés autrefois, et je me demande parfois si je les retrouverai un jour. J’essaie d’accepter l’idée que je puisse être forte, être heureuse avec moi-même, et aussi avoir profondément besoin d’amour. Aussi, j’essaie de me pas m’en vouloir. Quand je repense à mon expérience de l’amour, je pense à tout ce temps perdu à ne pas avoir suffisamment vécu. À ne pas avoir suffisamment essayé. À ne pas avoir vu. A ne pas s’être montrée, suffisamment tôt. J’ai construit, j’ai réussi, j’ai tenu… mais j’ai sous-estimé ce besoin émotionnel essentiel.

Si à l’époque j’en avais fait un peu plus. Si j’avais été un peu plus courageuse. Si j’avais été un peu plus ouverte. Est ce que j’aurais un peu plus vécu ? Est ce que j’aurais plus aimé ? Est ce que j’aurais trouvé mon âme-sœur ? Oui, peut-être. Mais ce ne sont que des « et si » qui n’auraient jamais existé. Je sais pourquoi j’ai agi comme ça pendant une grande partie de ma vie. Et je ne peux pas le changer.

J’essaie de renouer avec ce moi d’autrefois, que j’ai bien failli haïr. Ce moi, c’est celui qui avait peur de tout à la base, mais qui a construit tant bien que mal des fondations solides en termes d’identité personnelle, de maturité émotionnelle, de projet professionnel, de relations interpersonnelles, de désirs et de limites. J’ai toujours su qui j’étais et pourquoi je faisais les choses. J’ai toujours su protéger mon intégrité. J’essaie de m’en souvenir malgré tout et d’être plus tolérante envers qui j’étais.

Je veux aussi dire à ce moi du passé que je ressens maintenant tout ce que je ne m’étais pas autorisée à ressentir. Mon désir qui déborde, physique et émotionnel. Un besoin existentiel d’amour, sous sa forme la plus pure. J’en souffre silencieusement, mais j’essaie de le voir comme une évolution, une expansion, un éveil. Je me sens capable d’offrir et recevoir. Je me sens capable de le vivre.

[lstheme]

I don’t know what to say other than I miss physical intimacy with a man and it’s making me feel unwell lol

also saying it out loud makes me want to hit my head :)

[lstheme]

Actually, I’ve been thinking about the Epstein files since yesterday night. It makes me feel so sad and angry.

This may be why I feel even more UNWELL craving for intimacy with a man at the same time

I hate everything related to men right now. god knows I want to make it work with them, I’m a lover girl at core goddamn it but nothing is helping

[lstheme]

the day I happen to make out with a man again is going to be a celebration day

seriously I miss kisses and hugs

(sorry for these ridiculous posts though)

[lstheme]

I don’t know what to say other than I miss physical intimacy with a man and it’s making me feel unwell lol

also saying it out loud makes me want to hit my head :)

[lstheme]

Actually, I’ve been thinking about the Epstein files since yesterday night. It makes me feel so sad and angry.

This may be why I feel even more UNWELL craving for intimacy with a man at the same time

I hate everything related to men right now. god knows I want to make it work with them, I’m a lover girl at core goddamn it but nothing is helping

[lstheme]

I don’t know what to say other than I miss physical intimacy with a man and it’s making me feel unwell lol

also saying it out loud makes me want to hit my head :)

[lstheme]

I need to make a longer post about it, but hey, the transition between resident and senior is hard. I can’t believe I’m finally there after all these years- and I can’t believe there’s still so much to learn, so much to improve. It’s actually quite stressful and challenging. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing really good, and sometimes I feel like a mess. I still have a long road to go… It’s always been like this though, ha! Medicine is a never ending thing. I just hope I’ll be a bit more confident soon enough. I have to focus on the process of getting better, even if it’s painful sometimes.

[lstheme]

Qui aime chercher des solutions n’a pas peur des problèmes

[thesweetiepienovels]

Oh my god YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ALOT YOU’RE A HUMAN BEING, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE UP SPACE AND NEED THINGS AND OH MY, EVEN WANT THINGS AND WOW, WE DESERVE THOSE THINGS AND I REALLY HOPE YOU STOP MAKING YOURSELF TEENY TINY AS POSSIBLE FOR WHATEVER REASON BECAUSE YOU DESERVE TO BE AS MUCH IN THIS WORLD AS EVERYONE AND ANYONE ELSE IS. I love you, go drink some water and have a snack.

[zexox]

sorry if this is too kinky but can you hold my hand and tell me i mean a lot to you.

[eymurn]

Oh! The intimacy of adopting each other’s vocabulary.

[lstheme]

ha… I almost forgot about it

[eymurn]

In your 20s, you'll feel like you're losing the race. It's important to understand that there is no race.

[brightwanderer]

I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

[alchemistdoctor]

I am begging you. Please learn about stress/discomfort tolerance. Practice raising it. You need this to survive. If someone online can ruin your day with a throwaway comment, you desperately need to understand discomfort tolerance and consciously, systematically build that shit.

Also! Stress tolerance is such an important skill that having a learning disability in that area is a major symptom of a whole lot of other disabilities/mental illnesses! Struggling with it is a huge part of life! It sucks!

Am I saying everyone with misophonia needs to listen to chewing noises all day? No. But you need to find ways to tolerate it enough that you don't treat others like shit if they make a mouth noise near you.

No, you don't have to read the fic with your trigger tags. But you do need to be able to handle scrolling past the tags without being upset.

It is hard! But not having it also makes you so so so easy to manipulate. That grandma is racist AF because her mom raised her to be uncomfortable around black people and she never fought that discomfort. Trans people make so many cis people uncomfortable and that discomfort turns into bigotry real fast.

Letting your discomfort dictate your actions and beliefs about things is a great way to become a terrible person. Learn. Discomfort. Tolerance.